My Black Hair is NOT your Privilege
My hair is not your privilege.
It is not your privilege to know, touch, feel, and smell my hair. White Women, particularly are guilty of the microaggression involving black womenâs hair, specifically African decent, curly, kinky, braided, weaved, styled hair.
âWhy canât I ask?â âWhy canât I touch it?â âI just want to know!?â âWere all girls here?â
Sometimes, you canât do things because someone else doesnât want you to do them. First of all, that should be reason enough in itself. I provide agency. I am an adult with value and I say I donât want this done. Yet a toddler touches the stove anyways right? So what then.
Itâs hair. It feels different, it has different products in it because of oil levels, porosity, texture, etc. Some of these frizzy and limp haired women need to learn about different hair types and routines. Not all hair is made equal. Even within one black person to the next. Once you realize that hair is hair, not some alien type invention, maybe you can start treating it as such.
âIâm not exposed to itâ. YES you are. African American women have been in this country for centuries, longer than many of your ancestors. And nowadays, especially with the internet and media, at one point you have seen an image or a physical black woman. We have a long history involving our hair and our femininity and sexuality. Itâs a soft spot. You just donât care enough to be exposed to it until you are curious about something you like and you want instant justification and satisfaction for that curiosity. You believe you have access to everything right? How dare someone police what you should and should not do, especially with their hair? Thatâs your job! âWere all women hereâ, no oneâs a man, so no one has authority to tell me to or not to behave socially in a manner. Iâm obviously your peer until you tell me you donât want me to do something, then my white privilege starts to shine its way through and all hail the âwtf is the big deal, I wouldnât mind so therefore her lived experience is obviously equal to minesâ.
I am not your zoo creature. Black bodies have been dehumanized enough. The hair on my head is not a foreign object. Take a minute to google and educate yourself about hair types and routines. Put that on yourself, you are not above it.
I know everything about you hair, or enough. Itâs different from mine, and I may be misspeaking, but I donât see an epidemic of black women running their fingers through white womenâs hair. Itâs the ânormâ. Many people of color have straight or lightly wavy hair. This is an African decent thing. Itâs a specific, exotic hair type thatâs othered and fetishized. Itâs not only historically sensitive, itâs rude. Your privilege makes you think you have the right to demand explanation for your curiosity about everything, and that explanation should come at the cost of the other person, not yourself.
Well Iâm telling you now, take your innocent curiosity and research. Politely observe it. In the right context, with a close friend/lover etc., even ask questions, or say compliments (without touching): âYour hairs so pretty today, I like this styleâ. Who knows, maybe the person may open up. âOh thanks! I have a new twist-out, it was hard to do.â BAM. Impress them with some Pinterest knowledge. Itâs not her problem itâs yours. Donât demand someone to open up to you about something intimate, let them say it on their own. Donât fetishize them if they open up. Donât insult them by saying you wish yours were like theirs, when theirs is dipped in hate and punishment and abuse. Black hair is a sensitive topic, with historical trauma and many women of color are struggling ourselves and within our own communities with hair and identity, what to do with it, whatâs âprofessionalâ, âacceptableâ and even âsexyâ or not. And if this person doesnât want to talk about it, thatâs okay too. The problem is not your curiosity. The problem is the demand on the other person to explain a part of themselves to you, on the spot and a lot of times in awkward situations.
Stop making marginalized people explain something to you thatâs intimate to them. Hair is hair. Sex is sex. Genitals are genitals. Skin is skin. Breasts are breasts. Weight is weight and health is health. Your bias, stereotypes and prejudices will not be solved by one person explaining what they do in the bedroom to you. Maybe you should learn about sex, pleasure and the many ways to orgasm and use it in your bland sex life. In the meantime, do the world a favor and sometimes STFU.