In So Many Words

I'm simply a 26-year-old woman who thinks too much, overanalyzes life, and, most importantly, writes to get it all out.

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

Be gentle with yourself. You’re doing the best you can.

Unknown (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

[kristaa0788-blog]

Am I Really Here?

The world, is it turning, still spinning on its regular axis?

Because mine isn’t, mine is out of control, so out of control and I can’t seem to make it stop; please, make it stop.

[maxmundan]

Perfect be perfect you have to be perfect You have to know what you are doing There is no room for mistakes Mistakes mean disaster Do you hear me? I have to be perfect and now, so do you Do you remember? Mowing the lawn? You wanted wanted, wanted, wanted so badly to do it right to do it perfectly but no one told you no one showed you how you did it wrong you did everything wrong you do everything wrong To be perfect I need control to control myself For you to be perfect I need to control you Perfect control for us to be perfect you and me together Do you remember? The missing money? You wanted wanted, wanted, wanted so desperately to find it to find it right now it wasn’t your fault but it was your fault, wasn’t it? you did it wrong you did everything wrong you do everything wrong I will do whatever it takes to be perfect for me to be perfect for you to be perfect even if I need to treat you like they treat me even if I have to be just like them

Max Mundan, And Then There Were Two

© David Rutter 2015

Purchase my new book, “Everyone is Broken”, by clicking HERE!

(via maxmundan)

[kristaa0788-blog]

Drag me down into the Rolling rip tide Over and over again Without remorse; Never look behind you to see if I'm still alive, if my Neck is above or below the Growling maw of the sea.

[noorshirazie]

Heavy minds do not sleep lightly.

Noor Shirazie (via aestheticintrovert)

[kristaa0788-blog]

I. Let us be defiant and deny our demons the pleasure of watching us suffer.

II. We are a beautiful whole, even with the cracks that form naturally over time through wear and tear.

III. Love me, even though we may not see eye-to-eye on each and every thing.

IV. The blizzard rages on, but I still have your hand; I’m lost without you.

[kristaa0788-blog]

I am not all sunshine, but the rain falls much less often these days.

Did you know that there were years  that I gave up on my own shadow?

I tried to walk away from life on more than one occasion, thinking that the past was a place best left for dead (and yet, I lived there much more often  than inside my flesh and blood).

I was not all wrong, no, for it is best to walk away, but never to forget; in doing so, your body grows so used to being weary, so used to being teary-eyed, that you mentally escape.

Trace the lines upon my face. They tell the story of me and all the borders I’ve jumped to avoid the pain of my mistakes.

Trace them.

They all lead up to now; my map has finally brought me home.

[emmisnotshortforemma]

[kristaa0788-blog]

Lay me down on a bed of grass, the sun trickling through the treetops to kiss my cheeks.

Lay me down here, don’t wake me, please; the birds are singing me a lullaby.

[kristaa0788-blog]

Abstraction

In love with her thoughts, she drifted far away from everything concrete.

[imwritingpoems-deactivated20200]

didnt feel like writing on paper

[kristaa0788-blog]

Intentional Insomnia

I don’t want to sleep.

My bed is a prison, chaining me to my memories, to my subconscious mind racing through dreams that I am afraid to interpret. I have never been so afraid of my sleeping mind. In fact, I revel in its beauty, but tonight, I don’t want to find out what it has to offer me.

I can’t turn it off. I can’t make the images stop, nor can I stave my thoughts the morning after my nightly adventures.

I don’t want to know what I have hiding in there. I don’t want to see it anymore, at least not tonight. I need time to bathe in the beauty of my waking life, the one that I so often put on the back burner in favor of my floating thoughts. 

I’m never here, not really. My mind stays miles above my body, wafting and drifting to disconnected thoughts, one after the other after the other, connecting them to make them mean something more, something substantial.

I like to believe my life has meaning, that it has purpose, that everything I’m doing here is following some kind of divine plan.

But tonight, I am afraid. I am afraid that I am too naive, that I am too much of an idealist to really live, to really be present.

I am afraid that my ideals, my beliefs, and my connections mean nothing.

I am afraid that my existence means nothing.

So I cannot entertain my dreams tonight. I can’t let them lure me into their trance, their endless interpretations, their meaningless meaning. I just can’t do it.

I am afraid to sleep tonight, and I never have been before. And I don’t want to try to figure out why, or what it means.

I want to just be awake.

But I fear that I have been asleep for far too long.

[kristaa0788-blog]

I keep the light on in our room when you’re away to stave off the night.

[kristaa0788-blog]

Wounds heal with time, and mine, they bear the weight of centuries, years piled against raw skin, and I have finally found a way the mend them, but love, they need your grace to shine.

[kristaa0788-blog]

I will never settle for anything less than what we deserve.

I couldn’t take your wings, and neither should you clip mine.

Nothing worth having is easy to obtain, so we work.

We work this hard so we may play together forever,

and I thought that was okay, that you wanted us to stay airborne, too.

[kristaa0788-blog]

I have loved and lost, thrown onto the rocky shore, but I won’t give up.

[kristaa0788-blog]

A bird in flight; leave it all behind.