I chose them, instead of you (ep.9-10 fixed)
Raelle was sitting once again next to the window, this time not grieving for Scylla’s death, she got proof she was alive.
At least she wasn’t crazy when she saw the mark on her hand and she even got the chance to see her. Chance, was that the right word?
Of course not, she knew that they used her, to get information from the girl.
The worst part of all of this? Tally knew. She knew and she didn’t say anything, instead she went straight ahead to Anacostia and spilled the beans to her.
What should she do? Who should she trust?
They’re going to tell you horrible things about me.. All of them, please don’t believe everything they tell you.
Raelle knew better, she knew there was so much more. There must be a reason why Scylla joined the Spree, maybe it was because of her parents, she did tell her they died because of the military after all.
She looked at her unit sleeping, they finally went to sleep after the awful events of City Drop, but she couldn’t just close her eyes.
They didn’t only lose someone of their class, Raelle also killed an agent of the Spree who took Scylla’s face. In that moment she was so angry, people kept telling awful things about Scylla, she just didn’t know what to think anymore, she felt betrayed by everyone, she just had to let it all out and that person was the enemy after all, she shouldn’t be guilty about that, that’s war, that’s the military. And yet, she felt terrible.
She stood up and went to her cabinets and took out the charm she made for Scylla and looked at it carefully. She sighed and caressed it slowly.
“What should I do now? What are they going to do to her?” she asked herself. She felt a weight on her chest and wondered if it was finally her time, but then she felt wetness on her cheek. A tear fell slowly followed by a burning sensation in her throat, she tried to keep her sobs inside, she didn’t want to wake anyone up. She took her left hand and squeezed it, would she be able to contact Scylla or was it only a one-way street?
She just squeezed harder while staring aimless outside the window.
‘I’ll make it right, Scyl.’
The following morning after training the unit was drinking some tea together in the common area and once again Tally was speaking her truth on how unjust everything was. Raelle already knew that, that’s why she didn’t trust the military.
They decided to go and talk to Petra, she didn’t seem to care that much about what happened with City Drop, collateral damage is always a part of war the same words Abigail said. Like mother like daughter, wasn’t that right?
“The base has been infiltrated. By the Spree” Or maybe she should have stayed quiet, but perhaps that was also a chance for her to be able to reach Scylla once again, she had to show she was on their side, especially right now, she had to put on a mask and be smart about all of this. Maybe it was indeed above her paygrade, but who cared? She needed to talk with Scylla, she needed explanations but most of all she needed to see her, look right into her eyes.
Nothing happened though, they went ahead with the day, memorial done and they kinda celebrated their friend. In all honesty, Raelle wasn’t that inclined to stay up and talk about Lybba, but at least she got to drink, so she drank all night and when everyone left to go to bed she once again found herself touching her left palm.
‘Scyl, give me a sign you’re ok, please..’
Another morning, another training, was all that the army? Would they go to a mission, kill and get killed and then act like nothing happened? Business as usual? They were just a number, they were just a means to an end, weren’t they?
Just like when she first arrived, here she was again thinking why she was wasting her time there. Despite everything that was happening she had to admit she had managed to have fun, she fell in love, she found friends, or at least she thought so.
“Collar. I need to speak with you.” Anacostia called her.
Raelle wasn’t her biggest fan right now, she knew she was just doing her job, but she tortured Scylla, she manipulated all of them.
“She’s been moved to military prison, asked to see you one more time. It’s likely she’ll never return.”
“That’s great. I’ll help you link with her.” There was the chance she had been waiting for.
“It’s not about linking with her, I think it could help Scylla, maybe even help you to see her.. Say goodbye.”
“Why do you want to help Scylla?” She had to ask her that, she hadn’t proven she was on Scylla’s side, and now she suddenly was? What kind of nonsense was that? “You know what? She’s dead to me.” and Raelle walked away.
She was suddenly pissed again at Anacostia and at the situation, why did everyone keep making decisions she didn’t understand? Why were they moving Scylla? Why would it be a goodbye? What the heck was happening?
She was overwhelmed with thoughts, feelings, she didn’t understand anything anymore.
She found herself in her room with Tally and Abigail asking her what happened. They tried to convince her to talk to Scylla.
She had to focus, after all wasn’t that what she wanted? She did want to speak to Scylla, then why was she making it so hard on herself to do so? Was she afraid of what would happen? Of course she was, what if it was all a lie?
She needed answers, she needed to fix everything. She was such a fool.
She left to find Anacostia.
“Ok, bring me to her.” the Sergeant seemed glad about her request, was it for show or did she care for real about them? Raelle didn’t want to think about it right now.
They went to the holding cell where Scylla was kept in. Anacostia went inside first, Raelle heard her saying calm down to Scylla. What have they done to her? It’s been weeks since the wedding, she didn’t even want to imagine the tortures she went through. She remembered the collar she had on, the chains on her wrists and ankles, it was so mediaeval, why did they have to go to such extremes?
When Anacostia gave her the all clear she stepped inside. She felt like the ground crumbled beneath her feet, right in front of her there she was, her Scylla, with a surprise face staring back at her, quickly realising something.
“You believed everything they said about me.” it wasn’t a question. Raelle knew she was messing all up, but she suddenly felt all those doubts resurfacing once again, she was still hurting and she let her escape a terrible thing, which wasn’t true at all.
“I loved you.” she could almost hear Scylla’s heart breaking little by little as the minutes passed by.
“I still love you.” the girl replied firmly stating a fact that never changed for her.
“I know about Helen” while she could, Raelle wanted to have her answers, she just couldn’t hear one side of the story. “Have you done that to me before?”
“No! Never! I’ve messed up, there’s no excuse, I-I was scared.”
“Scared to lose your mark?” Raelle asked without thinking. All kinds of thoughts are racing in her mind.
“It started like that and you were...you, I fell for you. I promise. I promise I’m telling the truth.”
“Was anything real? Any of it?” She was so scared to ask that, what if the truth would hurt her so bad? What if it was all a damn sick plan. But Scylla answered quickly, probably sensing the urge in her voice to be reassured.
“All of it. Raelle, you have to believe me, I’ve nothing to gain by telling you this. They’re shipping me off to die.” Was that the truth? Was she really going to die? Wouldn’t she ever be able to see her again?
“Well, we all go sometime.” she would have slapped herself, ‘What the hell Raelle!? What are you doing!?’ “Why did you pick me?” That was it, the last question she has. Why was all of this happening to her, to them.
“Do you look like I’m calling the shots around here? They didn’t tell me why!”
“You know what? I get it, I get it, I was the sickest, weakest gazelle in the herd, I was an easy prey for you.” Now she was just frustrated with everything and everyone, not only she didn’t know, but neither did Scylla, they were being played. The both of them, by the Spree, by the Military.
“You have no idea how powerful you are.”
“I don’t feel powerful, I feel broken, thanks to you. I’m sorry we ever met Scyl.” She was sorry, because maybe if they’ve never met, neither one of them would have been in this position and would have been suffering. A part of her wanted to walk away and she started it but then she froze.
“I chose you! I had orders to deliver you, I chose you, instead of them, I chose you! please.” Scylla cried to her, her heart fully broken now, unable to reach her and losing all hope.
And just like that Raelle remembered the wedding, she remembered how Scylla kept telling her about the beach and how she wanted to bring her somewhere safe. The only safe place she knew.
“Where we won’t get caught and court-martialed..” Raelle whispered, full tears falling down both of their faces. “The beach, you wanted us to go there.”
“Yes.. I wanted to protect you. I’ve never wanted to intentionally hurt you, Raelle. I’m sorry..” Scylla sobbed her apologies.
Raelle turned around and walked closer to her and kneeled down, taking her hands. She took her left palm.
“You contacted me, right..? Wasn’t I imagining things?” She asked quietly.
“Yes.. I tried to, as soon as I got a chance, they brought me here, I was passed out for a while, or they induced me to sleep.. I wanted to let you know I was alive.”
“I tried to find you.. I went to the lighthouse.” Raelle said looking into her eyes now and bringing one hand on her cheek, caressing it.
“I am s-” Raelle didn’t need another apology, she knew she was truthful. Right now she just needed to be close to her, so she kissed her. It was wet and salty because of the tears, but she didn’t care.
“I am sorry, Scyl. I do believe you. I am in this with you, I meant my promise.'' She rested their forehead together.
They stayed like that for a little longer. But then they heard commotion outside the room.
“I’m going to let you out in one way or another, we’ll find a way, Scyl. I promise.”
“I trust you, Rae..” Scylla smiles and gives her another quick kiss before they separated.
Raelle stood up and walked to the door pounding on it, Anacostia opened it and looked at the both of them and nodded.
“The President is about to start the press conference, you need to go.”
She’ll free her, was that the last thing she did.
Raelle never went to watch the press conference, instead she went to the place she most liked: the tree where she spent most of her time with Scylla, where they exchanged gifts, promises. She couldn’t believe she would have ever doubted her. She was stupid, but damn she was so glad she was ok.
She stayed there, crying without self-control.
Suddenly she remembered her conversation with Byron during Beltane.
“What would you do if you were so in love with someone and maybe they’ve done something wrong? Something unforgivable?”
“We all have our fatal flaws, don’t we? I know I do. But honestly, I guess you’ve to decide if that person is worth it, and then fight for them, it’s all you can do.”
She was willing to fight for her, she was, she just didn’t know how. There was so much at stake.
She was all alone, no one would help her. She kept her eyes closed, seeing Scylla’s face in her mind once again, she was so broken, her beautiful Scylla. The anger all gone, she just felt more emptier than ever before, she wanted to have more time with her.
Suddenly Anacostia came by and sat with Raelle.
“I shouldn’t have put you through that.” She was so soft with her speaking and that broke the girl once again.
“I’m so stupid..” she was referring to how she dealt with everything.
“No you’re not, you’re just human. She loves you, that part is real.” Anacostia tries to reassure her, unaware of what they told each other. For a split of second, Raelle thought she could help her. She should come clean.
“I think I’ve messed up, I told Petra that Scylla was being held on base.”
“Why did you do that!?” the Sergeant was clearly shocked and alarmed at the explanation, there was such an urgency in Anacostia’s voice when she said. “We need to find your unit now.”
Little did she know what she and the others were going to find out: they were in terrible danger with Alder having gone south and puppetted the President.
But in Raelle’s mind there was Scylla right now: what was going to happen to her? For sure the order to transfer her was made by Alder, would that be done quicker than before? Did she have time to free her?
The problem was that the next day there would have been graduation, it would have been a terrible busy day and she didn’t know what to do. She needed to talk with Anacostia more, she needed time to tell her everything, she saw how she reacted, she really hoped she wasn’t seeing things and that the woman truly cared.
“Raelle, I need to go and check on her.. I need to check they’re not doing anything, we’ll talk later. I will find you.” The other two girls looked at them curiously. They clearly wanted answers from them and once the Sergeant went away Raelle was immediately cornered.
“What happened?” Abigail asked first, while Tally simply looked at her. Raelle knew she could feel her emotions.
“I.. we talked, she explained everything, Abigail she didn’t know anything.”
“Are you sure..?” she asked.
“Of course I am! Tally you saw that too, I saw when we linked, she was concerned about my wellbeing.”
“Yes, she was.. I’ve always known she loved you, it’s just.. She’s Spree, Raelle.”
“Yeah? And look at Alder! Look at what she’s doing! What’s the difference!? She sent us to die! We weren’t ready for a real mission, we weren’t ready to deal with the real Spree, we are only eighteen! We know nothing still.. She was being played, like the rest of us.. Military, Spree.. They only play with our lives.” Raelle couldn’t hold it any longer, they were a unit, they were supposed to be on the same team and on the same page, yet she was feeling like they weren’t at all in sync.
“You’re right..” Abigail said. “Raelle, look, we got you, right Tally?”
Tally stayed quiet for a moment but nodded. “Yes, we are sisters. And you’re right, you’ve always been right.”
Raelle couldn’t help but cry, she felt like a baby, she was crying all day, all week, all the time, what the heck was happening to her? But the two girls were there to catch her and they hugged one another.
Anacostia found Raelle the next morning and told her that she was going to do everything possible to postpone any transfer. They did want to move Scylla before taking her to prison, since Petra knew and Raelle had visited, she couldn’t say more because they had to get going for the graduation ceremony.
Which didn’t go as hoped: they didn’t get into war college, of course they wouldn't. Alder knew what they did, they went behind her back and reported her to Petra, it was her sick way of revenge. Instead it wasn’t her work, Khalida made that happen, there was a rescue mission, one they for sure weren’t ready for. But what could they do? They weren’t in charge of anything. They had only little time to prepare themselves, was this their moment to say their final goodbyes?
Raelle went to her father, at least she’d get a chance to stay with him a little longer. Of course she had to break his heart and tell him she was being deployed. But of course, he being her father was acting thought and telling how the same happened to her mother.
So of course she asked him about the charm, it was probably her only chance to know if she was right in thinking she wasn’t wearing it and that’s why she died.
“She never brought her for her last tour. It’s like she knew she wasn’t coming back and knew how much she wanted to be passed to you.” So she knew, she knew she was going to die and Raelle was right all along. The military was nothing but trouble and sorrow. So there she was, hugging her father and promising him to come back home. ‘I hope I’ll get home.’ she thought.
Once she left her dad she tried to find Anacostia but didn’t, she wanted to talk with her about Scylla but as soon as she arrived in her room she was there.
She told them how Petra managed to pull strings and let Abigail go to War College instead of going on the mission. It was absurd of course, the unit was everything that mattered to them, this day was only full of surprises.
Raelle took the advantage of having Anacostia there to talk about Scylla.
“Wherever they’re taking Scylla, can you.. Can you please make sure they go easy on her? I know she has messed up, but she’s not all bad.”
“I’ll try.” Anacostia said softly.
“Thank you, she has suffered enough..” Raelle says.
Anacostia nodded in agreement and looked at the clock. “You don’t have much time, just a few minutes.” it was a silent message that Raelle quickly understood. She smiled and followed her to once again that damn basement.
“Make it count.” Anacostia reminded her.
Raelle entered the room, Scylla wasn’t expecting her and she lit up.
“Raelle..what are you doing here?” she asked as the girl approached her.
“I couldn’t go without seeing you first.” she replied and kissed her with all the love she had.
“Go? Go where?” She asked, confused.
“A mission for the Tarims with Alder.” she replied with her eyes still closed after the kiss, wanting to savor the moment.
“What.. you can’t go, you should have gotten into War College, you were supposed to stay safe..” Raelle smiled at that, of course Scylla believed in her more than everybody else.
“Life has always a hidden surprise.” She squeezed her hand. “Anacostia will help you. I’m coming back for you, remember. I love you, Scyl.”
“Be careful, Rae, I love you, more than you know.”
And so she left her, against all of her instincts, she knew she should have stayed with her, she should have taken her right there at that moment, but she also knew she had to go, Alder was waiting. She looked at Anacostia meaningfully. She understood immediately and nodded to her.
While she was walking to the airport she felt something on her palm, she looked at it and smiled.
There they were, on the plane, the three of them, Abigail surprised them by joining them at the last second, how Raelle wished she wasn’t the only surprise. She for once wasn’t feeling alone, she had Scylla’s love by her side, her mother’s letter by her other side, and her unit was there.
Still, she can’t deny she was worried about the mission, for all the flight she had a sick feeling and once they arrived she knew she was right, as Tally stated they were being watched and she wouldn’t shake that sensation off, something big would have happened soon. Something was wrong.
They managed to find the Tarim in a cave, they were sick, as suspected, but Raelle managed to cure them, she was still surprised how she was able to do that.
You’re more powerful than you think.
You have powerful work in you girl, trust your gift, never doubt it, not even for a minute.
They all believed in her and she was starting to believe in herself too. She was making her mother proud, and she couldn’t be more happier for that.
Of course, it couldn’t go all smooth as they wanted, they were attacked, not by the Spree as they previously suspected but by the Camarilla. They tried their best, Tally managed to show off her knower skills, giving Alder orders without a second of delay, they were so in sync, it was all such an incredible fight. But then a few biddies got hurt, they took them by surprise and they froze. A part of Raelle was thinking that was karma, but another part was petrified of the consequences of Alder actually dying right there, what chances had they got to get out of there alive? But of course, Tally being Tally sacrificed herself to save Alder and become a biddy herself. They wouldn’t have ever seen that coming and Raelle and Abigail were completely shocked by her actions. Once Alder got better, they went to the helicopter, where all the others were, they were almost ready to lift off when the kid Raelle saved earlier suddenly jumps off the chopper and runs away, terrified most likely.
Raelle follows him, trying to take him back so that they could all go back home.
“I know what you need, see this?” and she pointed at her mother’s charm, which she took off, “watch, this will keep you safe.”
“Raelle, we gotta go!” Abigail screamed at her.
“Take him!” she said her back, she needed the kid to be safe, she would watch their back while they brought him back to the helicopter. But of course she didn’t watch hers.
“Raelle!” Tally cried out loud.
Suddenly, Raelle felt something on her chest, right where her charm was, something foreign. ‘Wait, that’s not supposed to be here..What is it?’ she looked down and fell down as soon as the blade left her body.
What the heck was happening? Why was everything going so damn wrong?
‘Oh, that’s what it feels like? Was this what you felt, Mom?’ She kinda heard commotion around her, but she couldn’t quite catch it. There were too many noises coming from the helicopter motors. She just wanted some peace and quiet. She closed her eyes and she suddenly saw Scylla’s smile.
I want to show you something beautiful.
Nothing really dies, life becomes death which becomes life again, over and over.
If I do get the urge to run, I’ll take you with me.
No matter what happens, I love you
She smiled at the memories. “Scylla..” she murmured. What a great way to leave this earth. Just when she found her again, she was losing her all over again. Life had such a sense of humor, didn’t it? Once again she made promises and she didn’t keep them, she promised Scylla, Anacostia and her father she would have come back. She promised Scylla she’d be back for her, to free her. She left her all alone, who knew if Anacostia managed to free her. Was she okay? Silly Raelle, always thinking about her instead of herself, always putting her first. Love really blinded people.
She felt a familiar warmth on her left palm.
‘Oh Scylla, if only you knew.. I am sorry. I really wanted to go to the beach with you, I really wanted to live a life with you, just the two of us, not military or Spree nonsense.’
“I am so sorry, beautiful..” she said to no one.
“Don’t you dare be sorry!” Raelle frowned. “Open your eyes, you big stupid! Was this your grand plan?”
Raelle opened her eyes. “What..!? How could..?” she tried to speak.
“I couldn’t let you die.. I tried to send you messages, I felt you were in trouble.” Scylla said while linking with her giving her some first aid.
“Now hold on, we’re bringing you back home.” Anacostia said while gesturing Abigail to help them out.
While Raelle and Scylla were linking she felt all the other girl's emotions, she felt the pain she felt during the past weeks, she felt the regret of her actions, she felt her grief for her parents, she felt the worry of losing Raelle, but the most prominent feeling there was? Her love for her.
Once she felt stronger and she was stabilized the link was interrupted and Raelle was able to look around herself, there was another helicopter there, Anacostia and Izadora came with Scylla. They somehow knew they were going to get into a trap, so they tried to join them as quickly as possible and lucky for Raelle they did. And now they were helping her get on it.
She had so many questions and Scylla sensed them, she took Raelle’s face between her hands and gave her a loving kiss.
“Later, I’ll explain everything later.”
Both helicopters took off, leaving behind that forsaken place.
2087
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