in the beginning, his flowers keep dying.
he wasn’t born with a green thumb. he developed it through trial and error. and error. and error. and
in the beginning, he didn’t really mind if they died.
in fact, it was the process of them dying that fascinated him. captivated him, haunted him. inspired him.
one of the first ones seemed to observe him as much as he observed them.
they didn’t speak a lot. it unnerved him. it spiked his stutter. he wanted it to last but he also wanted it to end. he was so messy when he twisted their stems. let them dry and curl into themselves in the sun. let them rot the only way flowers know how. by ceasing, slowly, and making way for something more beautiful to take its place.
and another flower did, not too long after. she talked too much. it made him feel a different kind of unease compared to the last.
“why do you live alone? -- are you uncomfortable? -- why do you blink so much…hey, look at me -- look at me -- look”
after lawrence had her planted and potted and sitting pretty in his small garden, she talked a little less. but not for long.
“i should have called my mom. i was thinking about it last week. decided not to. i wish i did. i haven’t called her in so long…” she said. he looked at her, hesitating.
“i haven’t called mine either.” he regretted it as soon as he said it, but he hoped she didn’t realize.
“please, let me go. i want to make things right. please, i want to tell my mom i love her.” he wanted to turn away but he didn’t. he didn’t move.
“please. hey. look at me. look at me, i’m talking to you! look at me!"
he didn’t.
she took a while to wither. an uncomfortable while. so lawrence began to pull her apart. petals plucked, thorns clipped, stem twisted. pressed into the pages of a book, the remains only serving as a memory. flowers can be beautiful in death.
more flowers in her place, blossoming and withering, one after the another.
you were exactly how he liked.
with you, he learned, how to let flowers flourish. how to make flowers last.
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