mimi♡

i hyperfixate for a few weeks or so | she/her | 🇵🇭

[kuro-mimi]

kuro-mimi's masterlist

a collection of my fanfictions so far !! last updated: 28/04/26

𐙚⊹ ࣪ 𝐁𝐀𝐃 𝐁𝐔𝐍𝐍𝐘 (𝐁𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐨 𝐀𝐧𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐨 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐭í𝐧𝐞𝐳 𝐎𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐨)

x grammy nominated sea!fem!reader (part 1, part 2, part 3)

x bestfriend!fem!reader

x sea!fem!reader headcanons

x fem!reader birthday special

𐙚⊹ ࣪ 𝑆𝑃𝐼𝐷𝐸𝑅-𝑀𝐴𝑁

treating tom!peter's wounds x reader

𐙚⊹ ࣪ 𝐑𝐘𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐄 (𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐣𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐇𝐚𝐢𝐥 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐲)

five-hundred miles (x fem!psychiatrist!reader)

parties aren't my thing (18+)

extras/links: ao3

[kuro-mimi]

ryland grace x fem!psychiatrist!reader

⬅️previous chapter | next chapter➡️

in which: you finally confront ryland about the prom picture, but things get a bit heated

note: FINALLY!! the semester is finally done and i'm back! (actually, i still have one more defense coming up but... come on, we already had our exams 🫩) lowkey, i feel like i kinda lost my sauce over the course of what? a month? of not writing cuz i feel like ts is cringe 😔 but... i fought my writer's block for this guys, bear with me.

tags: misunderstanding, silent treatment, a lot of reminiscing, ryland might be a bit ooc (forgive me), ryland does not approve of workplace romance

RYLAND SAFELY got back on the ship after retrieving what seemed to be an alien container. the two of you floated aimlessly while observing the foreign object. though, your focus was nowhere on the object but on the scientist instead. he tried many ways to open it such as: opening it like a bottle or hitting it on the table— which didn’t work. he even scanned it with a chemical scanner, showing that it was made of xenon. “xenon’s a gas. i think this thing’s broken,” he shook his head and threw the scanner away.

you hurriedly caught the scanner before it hit anything, ryland still focusing on the container, likely drawing conclusions in his head as to what it might be. you floated beside him, intently staring at him. “ryland,” you called, but the blond didn’t respond. “ryland,” you repeated, harder this time. still no response, as if he’s not hearing you. “ryland!” he finally snapped out of his thoughts, flinching as he looked back at you. 

“sorry, i was just… so focused on how to open this thing…” you let him ramble away while you tried to reach for the picture inside your jumpsuit. “woah, woah— wait, what are you doing?” ryland immediately got flustered, trying to create as much distance between the two of you. you only rolled your eyes at him, finally pulling out the image. “here,” you said as you showed the picture. 

ryland went crossed eye at how near it was to his face. quickly fixing his glasses, he grabbed the photograph from your hand. his face seemed to contort to every stage of grief, confusing you. “you still have this?” he whispered, his expression now settling into a more reminiscing one. “do you remember anything?” he asked, looking at you. 

you pursed your lips and shrugged your shoulders. “i concluded that we’re somehow… high school… friends?” ryland looked deflated at your statement, but was quick to mask it before you could notice it. “right… friends,” he whispered to himself with a hint of disappointment. “i also remember that there’s this woman… her name is eva stratt? she recruited me, leading to us meeting again, right?” you asked, as if you weren’t too sure of your own memories. 

ryland cleared his throat, “yes, yes, that’s right.” he handed the photo back to you and added, “do you remember anything else besides that?” you shook your head. “besides that and the sun dimming? nope,” you answered. the scientist nodded his head in understanding. “listen, i don’t know when i will remember something again so… just tell me why we’re in space,” you insisted. 

ryland noticed the dread displayed on your face, and that’s when he realized that you never really got the time to let it all sink in unlike him. he slowly drifted towards you and gently gripped your arm. “are you sure? you don’t have to remember everything all at once. you haven’t even properly processed…” he paused and gestured towards the ship. “...this,” he finished. you sigh, removing his hands from you and said, “i know what i want. i can’t keep acting ignorant while there’s probably a reason— deep in my unconscious brain— why i’m here.” 

the blond breathed, rubbing the back of his head. “i don’t wanna be a liability while you do all the work yourself,” you continued. ryland can’t seem to say no to you and gives in. he sat— well, “tried to” in zero g. he continued where you left off, confirming that eva stratt did recruit the both of you to solve the whole astrophage thing. then, you start to remember fragments. 

you and this agent named “carl” helped ryland in solving why the astrophages are moving to venus. it was a long process, but you admit you had fun. after that, you were sent to a vessel, your ex presented his findings, you now live on a boat, blah blah blah. wait… “okay, i don’t want you to freak out but…” the scientist paused, examining your face carefully before he landed the final blow. “this whole trip is basically a suicide mission. it’s a one way ticket. we’re not coming back,” he explained, expecting you to be utterly devastated by the news, but he seemed to be more devastated by it. 

ryland awaited your reaction as you stood there, completely zoned out. he could only guess that you’re probably remembering some things. after a few minutes of complete silence, you finally spoke. “what?!” you shouted in complete shock that the blond almost threw himself back in surprise. “c— calm down, i know it’s a lot to take in—” “we’re exes?!” you shouted once again, cutting him off. 

ryland stopped as he was about to tend to your aid, confusion contorting his face. “that’s what you’re shocked about?” he asked in a whisper. “and you didn’t tell me?” you queried, tone harsh. somehow, the scientist didn’t like your attitude towards the information and didn't sit right with him. sure, he noticed that you acted meaner ever since you woke up but… he figured it was because you still didn’t remember him fully. your response strangely made his heart ache, as if being exes with him was a ridiculous thought.

before ryland could stop himself, he already stated, “i— i’m sorry. is the thought of being exes with me sound unbelievable to you?” this made you stop, your furrowed brows immediately softening. you noticed the hurt in the blond’s eyes, realizing that you acted too bitter to the newly found memory. right, you two were exes— that explains why you felt oddly safe when you first saw him, even with zero memory of him. there was no sense of grudge against him, which could mean that you two must’ve rebuilt your relationship during your time at stratt’s vat. 

guilt started to build up in your chest. you didn’t mean it like that, you were just genuinely surprised… and upset that ryland didn’t tell you earlier. but you totally understand what the scientist is feeling, you are a psychiatrist after all. he was alone in the middle of nowhere in space for days before you woke up, he must’ve felt very lonely and helpless. though he had you on board, he probably thought that you weren’t going to wake up. and although he had days to process all of this, you just knew deep inside that he probably still can’t accept the fact that he’s not going back home. you just… know it. 

with your lack of response, ryland turned around to walk— or rather, float— away from you. “wait— i, i didn’t mean it like that,” you said and tried to follow him. “it’s alright, i understand,” he replied, his voice shaking. “ryland… i don’t think it’s ridiculous,” you added. to no avail, he only ignored you. “ryland,” you breathed out, stopping from your tracks as you let him be. maybe space is what he needs right now (pun not intended), and you probably need it too. 

you stayed in the lab while ryland was off to some other part of the ship. you tried to examine the alien material, however, your mind stubbornly kept on drifting back to your ex. “interesting…” you mutter, staring blankly at the scanner that showed the symbol of xenon. “xenon’s a gas,” the blond’s voice echoed through your mind without your permission. you chuckle, remembering how much of a nerd he is— you are too— but ryland’s on another level of nerdiness. 

you two used to be lab partners back in high school, way before you became a thing. you gotta admit, you hated how he was better at you in chemistry— in everything. you were so used to being number one all the time that ryland’s presence threatened you. in reality though, nothing about his presence was threatening. he was clumsy, he stuttered when he talked, and he was hella awkward. at some point though, you noticed the change in the boy’s behavior. he stopped leading your lab experiments and would let you take charge instead, dumbing himself down so you can explain about the current chemistry experiment as if he already didn’t solve it in his head. he probably thought you didn’t notice his developing crush on you when his eyes would say it aloud. 

you still couldn’t remember how you two got into a relationship, but you guessed that you must’ve made the first move. there’s no way he’d ask me out first, you giggle at the thought. your smile then dropped. “i need to talk to him,” you whisper to no one, realizing you can’t take the silent treatment anymore. as you were about to search for him, you felt a sudden shift in the ship, like it was spinning… then you felt a pull. gravity! he finally figured it out, you thought, your feet finally landing on the ground. 

“lab operational,” the computer announced. even though it was nice to have gravity again, your vestibular system was still messed up. you almost tripped when you took a step forward, immediately gripping onto the table to steady yourself. ryland on the other hand, didn’t seem to adapt as quickly as you, having heard a thud and a groan not so far away. it didn’t take long as the scientist was back in the lab again. you called out to him, hoping he finally calmed down. yet you received nothing but silence. 

ryland only went straight to the alien vial— acting like you’re completely invisible— which hurt you. if you still didn’t remember your close relationship with the blond, you’ll probably think how weird it is to feel hurt with him ignoring you (when usually, you’d thank the heavens that a man is minding his own business). couldn’t stand it anymore, you lunged yourself between ryland and the table. deliberately ignoring the heat bubbling in your chest caused by the proximity and pleaded, “ryland, please… just hear me out.” 

the aforementioned man, who was very much frozen in place— caught off guard by how close your bodies are— audibly gulped. he squeezed his eyes shut, trying hard to act as calm as possible. he knew his silent treatment wouldn’t get far and would eventually give in to your pleads. and as selfish as it sounds, he wanted you to feel that pang of pain that he felt (he later realized it was a bit toxic but he was already committed to the act). 

ryland sighed dramatically and said, “alright, what is it?” you let out a breath of relief, a small smile forming on your lips it almost made his knees buckle. you straightened up as he took a few steps backward. “listen… i completely understand why you were upset and you had every right to do so,” you started, going into full psychiatrist mode as you explained how ryland’s feelings were valid and so on and so forth, but you knew that’s not what he wanted to hear. 

“the idea of us being together… i don’t think it’s absurd,” your eyes started to drift away from his gaze, feeling a bit embarrassed. “in fact it, um, it makes sense— how we ended up here,” you finished your explanation quickly, glancing up at ryland, who has been real quiet since you spoke. his arms were crossed, staring intently at you beneath his glasses that it made you a bit self-conscious. 

“you mean that?” ryland suddenly asked. you raised a confused brow, stuttering, “i— yes, i do.” he raised an unamused brow in return and replied, “you hesitated though.” you blinked in surprise before retorting, “well, it was sudden—” “it’s a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question,” he cut you off, shrugging his shoulders. somehow, your guilt was diminishing and was getting replaced with annoyance. 

“are you being serious right now?” you asked, irritation evident in your tone. “are you?” the scientist sarcastically asked back. “you’re not!” you scoff, and despite the vexation you were feeling, a grin was threatening to display on your face. because for some reason, you can feel the playful nature ryland was exhibiting right in front of you. 

ryland, taking that slight twitch of your mouth as a positive sign, let himself smile. “i’m messing with you,” he chuckled, walking towards the table, taking the chemical scanner with him. you rolled your eyes, not believing that you fell for his tricks. “gosh, you’re always like this.” it was supposed to be just a thought, a thought that wasn’t meant to be said out loud, but your mouth somehow slipped. your statement was barely a whisper, but the blond heard it clear as day. 

you whipped your head towards him, while he did the same. there was a pause, a silence that enveloped you two comfortably, hugging you with such softness and warmth that it almost felt like home. you felt yourself inching towards the man, conscious enough to stop yourself but… you couldn’t. you didn’t want to. ryland, on the other hand, noticed this and knew instantly what might happen. if he let it happen.

him calling your name snapped you back to reality. “you don’t have to beat yourself up about it,” he spoke, turning away from you. you looked down to your shoes, frowning that it didn’t happen. but what ryland said next made your heart ache more. “our relationship was… it was a long time ago, like, very long,” he paused, chuckling to himself. “um, what i’m trying to say is that, we don’t have to delve into it. after all, we’re here for the mission.” 

you swear you heard ryland choke on his words, as if he wasn’t convinced himself that this is really what he wanted and nothing more. then again, he already said it himself. you aren’t here in tau ceti to rebuild your relationship, but to save earth (if anyone’s still alive). thus, your relationship is irrelevant for the mission. then why was he hurt? you felt a lump forming in your throat and your chest squeezing tight. 

“let’s get to work, doctor?” ryland enthusiastically asked, patting your shoulder in a friendly manner. you breathed heavily and forced a smile. “yeah, yep. let’s do this,” you forced a smile, that was more a thin line than a ‘u’. you’re here to save earth, not fall in love. 

you’re here to save earth, not fall in love. you’re here to save earth, not…

end note: guys, i know this is short and yall deserve better, TRUST that i will feed you guys for the next chapter

tags: @kurt-wlzn, @haymitchandthegeese, @plan3t-plut0, @avery-writes21, @marumaomao, @wistfulosophy, @deadbeatphobos, @roserrys, @bean0707, @moon-trash1507, @introvertathome, @250kms, @sarcastic-ravenpuff, @aleemendoza2425-blog, @sunnycl0ver, @sai90n, @lackingoriginalthoughts, @mossmydarling

[kuro-mimi]

is it just me or do we need a whitaker x filipina!nurse!reader 👀👀 i might just write one 🙂‍↕️

(kinda ironic cuz i used to be in the nursing program but shifted cuz I don't have the guts for it 😭)

[kuro-mimi]

guys... sorry i've been gone for a WHILE 😭 it's our finals and i have a lot to accomplish by the end of the semester (i literally have TWO research defenses coming up and i fucking hate my classmates)

i just wish this sem would end already or else i'll be the one ending myself 😭 /j

i'll finish the fic guys don't worry, i also have some ideas in store 😇

OH, i also started watching the pitt and let's just say... i'm now down the rabbit hole (I LOVE WHITAKER HE'S SUCH A CUTIE PATOOTIE)

[kuro-mimi]

i finally got the book! i WAITED weeks for this to restock at our local bookstore i was lowkey losing hope because i thought i wouldn’t get my hands on the original copy 😭😭 ugh i can’t wait to read it!

[kuro-mimi]

ryland grace x fem!reader

in which: you get dragged to your high school reunion unwillingly and thought, "when did ryland grace get hot?"

note: idk what my obsession is with ex high school classmates trope

tags: MDNI 18+, more plot than p0rn tbh, lawyer!reader, reader is a flirt, awkward!ryland, shy!ryland, height difference, kinda dom!reader, kinda sub!ryland, pervy!ryland, choking, sucking fingers, ts a bit kinky, ryland grace whimpers, making out to the MAX, ONESHOT

PARTIES ARE not your thing— well, used to be your thing back in high school and college, but now? you can't even plan a meet-up with your friends because of the sheer amount of paperwork you have to do. and you couldn't even complain because you chose this job. you were so determined in becoming a lawyer, the best in the state, so now you have to shoulder that responsibility.

don't get it wrong though, you love your job. being an immigration lawyer gives you a sense of self-fulfillment, especially when you get to help people. and more often than not, you do it pro bono too for those who aren't financially secure. your co-workers get worried at how frequent you do your job for free, but at this stage in life, you could care less about money and more about helping people. in this economy though... you definitely should care more about money.

"i don't know, liv... you know i can't catch a break here at the firm," you sigh as you sway your swivel chair side to side, your phone held up against your ear. your long time best friend from high school, olivia— liv is what you call her— called you in the middle of the afternoon, pestering you to come with her to the high school reunion for the fifth time this week. and that'd be the last because the reunion is literally tonight. "just come! you've done nothing but drown yourself in paper ever since you passed the bar exams," she whined.

you let out an exasperated groan, hoping she'd take a hint. "yeah, that's not gonna work on me." you could only purse your lips. "maybe you'll find someone there," olivia added, to which you cringed. "ugh, i'd rather die than date an old schoolmate." you taste something bitter in your tongue just imagining it, curse olivia for making you picture something so cringe.

"you're already in your thirties. isn't it about time you settle down with someone?" your friend asks. you scribble mindlessly on a scratch paper as you thought of an answer. "first of all, i don't need anyone in my life. i'm fine with being the crazy cat lady next door," you joked, but olivia only scoffs. "okay crazy cat lady," she mocked. "i get that, but aren't you pent up at least? like... sexually." you immediately straighten up and covered your phone speaker, whipping your head from left to right, searching for hidden spectators.

"gosh, lower your voice!" you whisper-shouted. olivia only laughed hysterically from the other line. "you get embarrassed with sex talk, you grown woman?" she teased and you felt heat rising up your neck. "why do you care about my sex life?" you huffed. "i'm just saying... the reason you're so stressed is because you're not letting it out," she said in a sing-song voice.

you squeezed your eyes shut and inhaled deeply, just wanting this conversation to end. "alright, just pick me up after work," you gave in. olivia let out a mumbled, "yes!" you two talked a few more minutes before you finally hung up. sighing into your hands, you went back to reading the cases piled on your desk. it's just a stupid reunion, i can just leave earlier, you thought.

hours passed by without you noticing. you were only snapped out of your work mode when your alarm went off. it was already five in the afternoon, meaning it's time for you to clock out. walking out of the building, you saw olivia leaning back on her car. "hey, you ready?" she asked with a smirk as she opened the car door to let you in.

"i don't really have a choice, do i?" you deadpanned and olivia only shrugged her shoulders, starting the car engine. "what's so special about this reunion, anyway?" you ask, staring outside the window, mesmerized by the fog. "isn't this the fifth one this year?" you added. "first of all," olivia started, briefly glancing at you before turning back to the road.

"we didn't attend the first four reunions. second..." she trailed off. you could sense the hesitation in her voice. "the sun is already dying so, why not live your life while you're still here?" you can hear how olivia tried to make it sound as light as possible, but with the gravity of the situation— it was difficult to not make it a big deal. "right, i forgot you work at nasa," you spoke. "are you guys not doing anything about it?" you finally turned to look at her.

"they're probably doing something about it. i quit." you furrowed your brows as you stared at your friend in shock. "what? why?" you asked in confusion. "err, i just..." olivia pursed her lips. "just wanna live my life while i'm still here," she whispered, repeating her statement from earlier. "you're one of their top astrophysicist! surely they won't just let you quit?" she only chuckled, "look, i'm flattered, but i'm not the only astrophysicist they have. also, there's this thing called 'awol'."

you breathed out an amuse huff, before you knew it, you two have already arrived at the venue. it was just a small— likely cheap— banquet hall that your batch had rented out. "ugh, i feel like pooping my panties," you say, walking out the car. "relax, they're not going to eat you alive," olivia laughed.

when you two walked into the place, it was already packed. you didn't think anyone in your batch would actually attend the reunion, but surprise surprise. you scanned the crowd, almost everyone was dressed up, making you a bit insecure at your big age. you look down at yourself, you were wearing your usual law firm outfit: a long sleeved button down polo in your favorite color, a black pencil skirt that fit just right on your curves and ends just above your knee, a skin-colored stocking underneath, and very boring flats. then you looked at olivia, she was wearing something semi-formal but was still dolled up.

"you could've helped me get dressed before going here, you know?" you tell your friend with a tired expression. "oh please, you're beautiful just the way you are," olivia retorted. "that's from a song." you crossed your arms. "no it's not— let's just go get some food," she went ahead, walking towards the buffet. you followed suit, but before you could react, you bumped into someone.

"oh no, i'm sorry," you apologized. you looked up at the man and you swear you heard (i just) died in your arms by cutting crew play in the background. you concluded that the man was about six feet tall. he sported this thin rimmed glasses that was slightly skewed on his nose. he also has dirty blond hair that was disheveled in the most annoyingly, attractive way, accompanied by a stubble.

"are you okay?" you flinched, snapping back to reality. "oh, uh, yeah," you muttered as if you were out of breath. getting your consciousness back, you noticed what the man was wearing. he was wearing jeans that almost matched the color of his own button down polo, layered by a gray blazer. and on top of all that, a very bright yellow raincoat that made him stand out from everyone in the room.

the man spoke once again— but this time— he called your name. you look up at him, wide-eyed, one that says, "how do you know my name?!" the blond, thinking you were creeped out by this, immediately apologizes, "s— sorry, you were just... you seemed a little out of it. you weren't responding to my questions so, i got worried. and, and i just recognized you and figured that maybe, i should call you by your name and..." you tune out the man's rambling, trying to wrack your brain of any memory that may include him.

blond hair, glasses... then it clicked you. "you're ryland grace?" the blond visibly went stiff. most likely shocked that someone like you would remember someone like him. "you are! you're the valedictorian," you exclaimed enthusiastically. ryland rubbed his nape sheepishly. "yeah, that's— that's me," he stuttered.

normally, ryland wouldn't attend a high school reunion. heck— he doesn't even get invited most of the time. his old friend just happened to get ahold of him, saying this reunion is special and everyone should be present. because with all the petrova line news, everyone on earth is on edge. either they were panic buying, making bunkers in their basement, or... just living their lives to the fullest while they still had time.

now, he didn't expect anyone to recognize him. even that old friend who dragged him there eventually went to mingle with other people, abandoning him in a corner. unfortunately, he just happened to bump into you. of course he'd remember you, everyone in your batch would remember you. the head of the debate team, the vice president of the student government, the prom queen and... his crush from freshman to senior year. how lucky he is for you to be the one to recognize him.

"i almost didn't recognize you—" you get cut off when olivia yelled your name. she already has two full platters in both hands, impatiently waiting for you to finish conversing. "oh, sorry. i have to go. see you later, i guess." you waved goodbye to the blond before walking over to your friend. ryland swears it wasn't on purpose, but his eyes automatically drifts to your backside as it sways along your hips. he immediately looks away and bites his lips, cussing— the cuss word being censored— himself out for checking you out like that.

you finally caught up to olivia, a mischievous smile displayed on her lips. "already hooking up, huh?" you playfully slap her shoulder, a grin fighting its way to your lips. somehow, the irritation of being coerced into attending this event was slowly disappearing. "it's not like that. we just... bumped into each other." you unconsciously tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, which didn't go unnoticed to your friend.

before you could control your mouth, you spoke again, "who knew ryland grace would become... hot?" olivia audibly gasped at this as the both of you sat at a vacant table. "oh no," you cover your mouth in embarrassment. "i said that out loud, didn't i?" you queried, looking side to side in case the mentioned man was anywhere near you. "he's always been hot. it's criminal how you never saw that," your friend answered, acting offended.

you take a spoonful of mashed potato before replying, "i mean— i knew him before, but he was like..." you paused, trying to find a word to describe the blond. "nerdy?" olivia finished your statement with a question. you shook your head, "no, no. that sounds like an insult." the woman propped her elbows on the table and said, "it's not an insult, though. nerds are hot."

you squint your eyes at your friend. "i feel like you're saying that 'cuz you are one," you retorted. olivia tilted her head to the side with a cocky smirk. "am i lying?" you playfully rolled your eyes at her antics. for the next hour, you two continued to eat and converse at the same time. people who'd recognize you would come and go, only catching up with one another's life for a minute.

"i need to go pee," olivia said as she stood up. you didn't need to go, but you decided to come along with her anyway. "oh shit. pretty boy at nine o' clock," she whispered to you as you both approached the restrooms. you glanced to your left and saw ryland leaning back to the wall, staring mindlessly at the cup in his hand. "i'll wait for you outside," you said. "good luck," your friend winked before descending into the women's restroom.

you slowly approached the blond, testing if he'd sense your presence— which he didn't. so you decided to lean down to his line of sight. "hey," this startled ryland, almost spilling the drink onto your face. you giggled, "sorry, i didn't mean to scare you. you just seemed so lost in thought." the man's heart was beating through his chest, but he tried his best to calm down.

"no— don't worry, you didn't. i was just... thinking," ryland awkwardly chuckled, clearing his throat in the process. "what are you doing out here? the party's inside, you know?" you ask, a small genuine smile on your lips. "oh, it's... not my thing." usually, ryland would run his mouth during awkward situations, even with people he doesn't personally know. but with you? he seem to be at lost for words, his typical quips... vanished, poof, just like that.

you laugh quietly, "that i can agree, my friend." you leaned back on the wall beside him, cheeks almost brushing his shoulders. an indication of your height difference. ryland glanced at you through his peripheral vision as he thought out loud, "i thought parties are your thing?" you whipped your head to look at him, eyebrows raised in amusement.

"why do you think so?" you query, interest piqued by the blond. ryland stood straight up— as if he's ready to bolt away— when he realized what he had said. he peeked at you again, only to see you staring at him. there was no backing out now.

ryland turned to face you— to be respectful during conversing— his shoulder was now leaning to the wall, his hand tucked in his pocket while the other held his drink. he was trying to act cool, meanwhile, you were using all your strength in stabilizing yourself because of his position. am i really pent up? why do i think his stance is sexy?

"well," ryland started. you waited in anticipation, as he drank from his cup without looking at you. the shape of his nose, his jawline, the action... they were doing things to you. "you were one of the popular kids," the blond whispered you could barely hear it. "what?" you felt a laugh bubble in your chest. "i mean— everyone knew me, but that's because i'm part of the student government. but if you're talking about emily and her friends... they were the ones following me like a bunch of minions because they like the attention," you explained, taking the drink from his hand and taking a sip while maintaining eye contact.

ryland felt his breath hitch at the sight, hand still in midair. "olivia is my only true friend back then," you continued, giving back the cup— your fingers brushing against his, sparks rushing from your fingertips to your spine. "olivia? the salutatorian?" he asked, the idea seemingly impossible for him to believe. "yeah, i know, crazy right? we're like jennifer and needy, but without the killing," you clarified.

this comparison earned you a quiet chuckle from ryland, not an awkward one this time. the response gave you a bit of confidence. "believe it or not, she's actually the one who told me to stay away from her," you shared, starting a smooth conversation between the two of you, slowly easing into each other.

although, you did most of the talking, ryland was sharing thoughts of his own. you even remembered how you two would often get paired with each other in multiple projects. "... you were bad at humanities and art, while i struggle at science. i think that's why most of our teachers pair us," you reminisce, chuckling at the memory. the blond didn't respond though, prompting you to glance at him. only to see him looking at you, like, really looking.

you start to feel conscious of your appearance, afraid that there might be something on you. "is there something on my face?" you asked, breaking the silence. ryland blinked rapidly, shaking his head. "no— no, it's just... i'm surprised you remember that," he said, then your heart softened. did he think you wouldn't remember a thing about him? did he think he wasn't worth remembering?

"well, i'm good at remembering things but..." you stop, unsure if you should continue talking, but you do it anyway. "... there's no way i'd forget you." in that moment, your surroundings seem to slow down. lights seem to cast a glow on your figure that made ryland's heart clench.

without his permission, his eyes started to travel from your long eyelashes, to the curve of your nose, then to your luscious lips. you were no different, and since you were practically face to face with his chest, you could see a faint shadow that slightly curves on his pectorals. and then... you notice his id lace, which has initials printed on it. you reach out to it without his consent and examined his id. "you're a middle school teacher?" you ask, a mischievous glint in your eyes.

"oh, uh, yeah." ryland looked down as he scratched his head, thinking that turned you off. "that's cute." he blushed, the insecurity vanished. "i'm a lawyer," you say, still not letting go of the man's id. hot, is what ryland thought. thinking it might impress you— but immediately regretted it— the blond added, "i actually have a phd in molecular biology."

he expected a hysterical laugh to come out of you. he expected to be made fun of. but what you said next was what he least expected the most. "that's hot," you complimented, slightly tugging the lace. were you... flirting with him? ryland's poor brain was short circuiting at the fact that his old crush, and quite possibly the most beautiful woman he has ever seen, was flirting with him!

and yes, you were totally hitting on him. figuring out that the blond was a phd holder was just the trigger you were desperately searching for. he was already exhibiting the type of man you want: tall, handsome, and shy in a good way (because you're tired of arrogant men). but a phd? in molecular biology? oh, he is smart alright. dating in your thirties is already hard, but to find a rare gem like ryland grace? that'd be harder if you let him go, so no, you'll be keeping him on a leash.

"hey, ryland..." you took a step forward, almost closing the gap between you two. you tug his id lace, hard this time and whispered, "how about we go somewhere private?" ryland was now red as a tomato, his heart beating through the roof, and his hands clammy. it's very obvious to him that you're flirting but... he just has to make sure. "are you... are you flirting with me?" he asked nervously.

you pause for a second, looking up at him then down to where you're tugging him close. you laugh, not because his question was ridiculous— it wasn't— instead you thought it was cute. he clearly didn’t want to assume even though you’re practically rubbing it on his face. “well, what do you think?” you ask, voice so seductive that ryland almost fell to his knees. you almost didn’t hear it, but he let out a quiet groan that sounded like he was in pain. that was your last straw.

this time you pull him from his wrist, dragging him around the corner. you didn’t really know where you’re going, but let’s just hope you find a storage room to have some privacy. good thing luck is on your side, because you eventually find one. you didn’t hesitate to enter it and lock the door. there was only a single light bulb inside but it was enough for you to see his face clearly. “are you sure about this?” ryland asked, which you thought was sweet of him. though, his actions speak louder than his words as his hands were already settled on your waist.

you didn’t dare answer him but instead, crashed your lips onto his. ryland didn’t respond to your kiss at first, likely shocked by your action. however, when you tugged his hair— earning a moan from him— his lips started to move along with yours. it was messy at first, teeth bumping with each other and your rhythm was irregular. you weren’t bothered by it though.

it was kind of funny and sweet at the same time. just two single people, in their thirties, hooking up in a storage room in the middle of a high school reunion. you stop. he is single right? your lack of movement made ryland pull away, afraid he might’ve done something wrong. “what’s wrong—?” “are you single?” you both speak at the same time. it took ryland a few minutes to register your question before it hit him. you both didn’t double check each other’s relationship status.

“are you single?” he asked back. “i asked you first.” you pouted. “uh, yeah, i don’t— i’m not dating anyone right now, like, for a long time now,” ryland rambled, rubbing his nape sheepishly. you finally let out a breath of relief. “that’s good,” you say as you pull him back into the kiss. it wasn’t messy the second time around. one of your hand kept on tugging his hair while the other rested on his pec (confirming your speculation that he definitely has muscles underneath his teacher outfit). the blond still had his hands on your waist, unmoving. it was as if he was afraid to touch you anywhere else.

“touch me anywhere you’d like, dr. grace,” you mumbled into the kiss. the statement turned on something inside the blond that had been stagnant for years. without second thought, he pulled you against him, feeling his bulge against your stomach that made your breath hitch. suddenly, the nerdy ryland grace was gone and replaced by a hungry man. you didn’t mind it, you love someone who’s hungry and yearning for you.

the kiss quickly transitioned from passionate into something sexual. “‘m sorry,” ryland muttered but didn’t let go. you only giggled, assuming that he’s apologizing for the fact that he got hard just from kissing you. he wasn’t the only one turned on physically anyway, you were too. you could feel the wetness in your folds, wanting the man to just finger you already. but that’ll have to wait.

all of a sudden, ryland’s hand travelled up to your jaws. it hovered there for a while, the hesitation evident. the blond parted his lips from yours, staring at you with half-lidded eyes. he looks so pretty at how high he got kissing you, making you wonder if he’d look prettier in between your thighs. “is— is this okay? it’s not like i have a kink for choking, it’s just…” you placed a finger on his lips before he could continue his word vomit.

silence engulfed you two as you slowly parted his lips, sliding your finger in. ryland’s shoulder visibly shudder at the action, a whimper bubbling in his throat. when you retrieved your finger, the blond’s eyebrows furrowed as if upset that you stopped. you stared at him straight in the eye as you brought your finger— wet and hot and mixed with his saliva— into your mouth, sucking it dry. ryland cursed, which he rarely do, before he pulled you into a hungrier kiss.

the kiss became messier in the hottest way possible as tongues got involved. ryland’s hand was now gripping your neck, still gentle, turning you on even more. you bit his bottom lip in return, making him whimper louder this time. the sound of lips smacking and moans filled the room. you could care less if someone would hear it from outside.

while making out, you felt ryland's free hand snake up your body. your heart beat against your ribs, thinking he'd finally make a move and touch you the way you want to be touched. but then it didn't came. you let go, looking down to where the blond's hand was hovering, then up at him. "i, i wasn't sure if i should do it. i need your consent if i were to— to touch your..." he rattled on, face red.

you sigh, ignoring him, you unbuttoned your top. ryland malfunctioned at the sight of you hurriedly stripping your top off in front of him. he's lying if he says he doesn't love the view though. you in just your bra while still wearing your skirt and heels sounds like a fantasy any hormonal teenage boy would have. a fantasy his hormonal teenage self already had.

you pulled the blond by his lanyard pretty hard. the action should've elicited pain in the man, but it only made his cock twitch violently in his pants. "didn't i tell you to touch me anywhere you'd like, dr. grace?" you said with authority. "yes, ma'am." and ryland was quick to pull you back in his lips as he finally cups your boob.

you moan into the kiss at the sensation of him massaging your breast through your bra, but you long more for skin contact. you didn't complain though, the warmth of his hands was enough for euphoria to pool in your abdomen. soon enough, ryland's hands travelled to your back. he found his way to your bra's lock, much to your liking. but just like any man, he struggled to unlock it.

you giggled, lips still attached to his. "i can take it off for you," you mumbled, pulling away slightly. "no, i— i can do this. just... keep kissing me... please." and you obeyed the blond, that "please"— almost sounding like a whimper— was enough to shut you up. of course, ryland being the smart man he is, eventually unclipped your bra.

you two parted, a trail of saliva connecting both of you. you could see his adam's apple bob up and down as he stared straight at you. you felt the straps of your bra slip, the cold air hitting your now bare skin. despite your breasts practically hanging out, ryland still maintained eye contact— as if nothing else mattered but you. “you’re beautiful,” he whispered and your heart softened. “my teenage self would freak out if he saw this,” he added, chuckling awkwardly.

you raise a curious brow and asked, “what do you mean?” ryland immediately got flustered, not knowing he said his thought out loud. “i— i mean, um, i used to like you back then,” he stuttered, embarrassed of his sudden confession. you smirk, an idea popping up in your head. you grab his wrist and planted it on your bare breast. “show me how you fantasized about me.” you put your arms around his head, locking him in a kiss.

you hummed as ryland palmed your boob ever so gently. his other hand remained on your cheek, thumb caressing your cheekbone. it went on like that for a few minutes before he did something that made you yelp in pleasure. the blond started playing with your nipples, sending shivers down to your core. he was pinching, pulling, caressing, doing all the things that almost made you come.

all of a sudden, ryland pulled away— to your dismay. “what—?” “can i suck it?” he asked, cutting you off with pleading eyes. you gape at him for a while, utterly surprised at his request. "please?" he whispers and you give in. you nod as answer, the blond not wasting any time and lifted you effortlessly onto a box, which you wish is sturdy enough to hold you.

it was slow, painfully slow to your liking. ryland grace took his sweet time in pleasing you. his nose hovered over your nipple as he looked up at you behind his glasses. his warm breath was enough to tickle you, making you shiver. then his lips part... taking in your already perky tit in his warm mouth.

your head leans back as pleasure surge through you. the warm, wet, soft feeling of his tongue making you buck your hips up subconsciously. as if that wasn't enough to satisfy you, ryland starts playing with your other nipple, doing what he did earlier. the blond seems to take gratification in pleasing you as he moans while sucking your boobs, which was really hot.

it went on like that for minutes, switching from nipple to nipple as ryland searched for the right technique that would elicit that loud, sweet moan from you. "mmm, ryland, t— there," you hum as you grip the man's hair. the blond took mental notes of which movement you'd beg for the most. you'd slightly thrust your hips up when he bites your nip ever so gently. you'd grip his hair so tight when he flicks it fast with the tip of his tongue.

the fact that ryland was the reason you were so aroused had him pre-cumming in his pants. heck— he might as well cum right now. he then looks up at you, still lost in pleasure, contemplating whether to do it or not. but he remembers what you told him, how he can touch you anywhere he'd like. and that's exactly what he's going to do.

he carefully snakes his hand inside your skirt, fingers brushing sensually against the rough stockings. he took your shivers as an indicator to keep going. just as he was about to tear your stocking apart, a knock sounded from the door. ryland was quick to pull away, panic now replacing lust. he clumsily removed his blazer and draped it over to your naked torso.

olivia— the cockblocker— called out your name. "hey, uh, i know you two are in the middle of something in there but we have to go. the party has already ended and, well, they're locking it up... unless y'all wanna get stuck in there," she explained, voice muffled by the door. "yep, we'll be out in a minute," you respond, already putting your top back on.

you quietly watch ryland as he goes back to his old, dorky self, as if he wasn't just about to finger you a minute ago. your eyes then drift down to the tent in his pants. a small stain could be seen at the tip of it, making you lick your bottom lip. "that looks painful," you spoke. the blond looks at you confused before noticing where you were staring. he looks down to his crotch, red tinting his cheeks once again.

ryland stutters, rambling incoherent words that makes no sense, not noticing you already back on your feet. he refused to look at you as you walked towards him slowly. eventually, he stopped when you pressed yourself against him— hand on his pec and your boobs flat against him. his breath became heavy at the sight of you batting your eyelashes. he wanted to pounce at you right then and there when you said—

"wanna go to my house and continue where we left off?"

end note: this took me DAYS to write bro i'm never gonna write nsfw anymore 😭 like this is literally my first time writing one NEVER in my 8 years of reading and writing fanfic have i ever attempted writing smut until this time! i thought it'd be easy but no! anyway i will probably upload the next chap of 500 miles... when i upload it heh

[selenitasofi]

boy fuck you and your genius brain and those big ass biceps and your pretty smile i’m irritated

[kuro-mimi]

ryland grace x fem!psychiatrist!reader

⬅️previous chapter | next chapter➡️

in which: you wake up lightyears away from earth with no memory of how you ended up in space

tags: you wake up days after ryland, ryland scolding you for swearing, so slight swearing, rocky's spaceship makes an appearance, personally i think mary (the spaceship) is an instigator, finally some flashbacks on high school you and ryland

“EYE MOVEMENT detected,” a voice that sounded more robotic than human rang throughout the room. the body inside the bag moved by a fraction as someone— something opened the zipper. it removed the oxygen mask attached to the woman, making her cough violently. “cognition assessment. what is two plus two?” the voice queried, but the woman couldn’t answer it… that woman being you. 

“what is two plus two?” it asked again. four. “fffhrr,” you managed to voice out, but what came out of your mouth was different from what you were thinking. “incorrect.” the lady, or whatever it was, repeated the question. “fff… our,” you huffed, as if saying one word needed ninety-percent of your body’s oxygen. “you have been in an induced coma. you may experience: memory loss, difficulty speaking…” 

your eyes, which are now open, scanned the room. some kind of claw-like robot was hovering over your face, scaring you. you let out an unintelligible scream, trying to get away from it. you landed on the metal floor with a thud, earning a groan from you. before you could even comprehend what kind of room you’re in, you felt the robot pull you. you scurry out the body bag and back into a corner. 

you look down at yourself— you were wearing some kind of bodysuit with a bunch of tubes and wires attached to it, not the most flattering look for you but you’re pretty sure it has some medical purpose. you infer that it’s most likely for infusing your body with medicine or minerals, such as electrolytes. and for the ones attached inserted to your nether regions, are probably for body waste excretions. wait a minute… how do i know that? 

suddenly, you heard frantic footsteps getting louder and louder. you start to internally panic. you still don’t know where you are and what happened to you, why you’re in a medically induced coma. for all you know, you might’ve been kidnapped. drugged to harvest your organs. but the sound only grew louder by the second and you had nowhere to go. 

“you’re awake!” it was a man, it was the voice of a man. and it didn’t help your already anxious brain from overthinking. soon enough, the man entered your line of sight. he wore an orange jumpsuit with a prominent nasa patch on the side and glasses. he also had this disheveled dirty blond hair and a stubble. 

as attractive as the man looks, you still didn’t know who he is and you can’t let your guard down. however— like second nature— you felt your shoulders relax at the sight of him. it was as if your brain switched your sympathetic nervous system off and turned on the parasympathetic in return, signaling that the man is not dangerous and you need to relax. again, how do i know that?! shaking your head, you set your thoughts aside for now. 

you’re drugged, in an unfamiliar place, with an unfamiliar man. you can’t let your guard down. you glared hard at the blond, trying your best to intimidate him. he noticed this change in behavior immediately and said, “hey… i— i’m not dangerous, you see…” he held his hands out, like he was trying to tame a feral cat. “i, um…” he paused, he was clearly thinking of ways to earn your trust. 

“do you remember anything?” the man asked. you didn’t want to answer him, although it was starting to concern you how you couldn’t remember a thing before this coma. but then again, that might be the function of whatever drug was used against you. from what you can conclude, you were experiencing retrograde amnesia— at this point you’re not even surprised anymore with the random medical facts your brain knows.

due to your lack of answer, the man tried to think of another question. “do you… know who you are?” you scoff, what a stupid question. of course, i know who i am. my name is— you stop. your name, you couldn’t remember it. without your permission, your shoulders drop, your eyes drift off to nowhere in disbelief. the man stared at your defeated figure, his chest hurting without knowing why. that state of yours… it felt too familiar and unfamiliar to him at  the same time. 

the blond didn’t approach you any further, but instead crouched to your level. he mentioned a name— one that seemed to resonate to you. you slowly turned to look at him. “here,” he pointed at the patch on the upper left of his chest. “i’m grace,” he introduced himself. “grace?” you repeated confusedly. you notice the man light up, glad that he finally got you to talk. then his mouth slightly frowned, confusing you even more. does he have mood swings? you thought. 

“no, it’s not right,” you heard him mumble to himself. “it’s ryland,” he mentioned, confusing you even more. first, he said his name is grace, now he’s saying it’s ryland? “are you playing with me?” you glared at him once again, he may be telling you different names to confuse you, like a kidnapper would. 

“n— no! i’m not… well, my full name is ryland grace,” he stuttered. “your last name is grace?” you raise a suspecting brow. unbeknownst to you, that simple line triggered a past memory on the blond. he squeezed his eyes shut, holding his temple as his head ached. your eyes widen, an instinct in you saying that you should go and help him. 

you try to stand up, almost tripping on your own feet. despite the struggle, you managed to regain balance and walked over to ryland. “are you okay?—” you stopped, a migraine was coming. a school cafeteria, there was a tray in your hand and you were walking towards a blond boy slouching over his lunch. he was all alone. you greeted him and introduced yourself. “i’m ryland grace,” he replied, shyly. “your last name is grace?”

you finally opened your eyes to see ryland holding your biceps, steadying you. “ryland?” you mutter, a name that feels so intimate on your tongue. “do you remember me now?” he asked, a smile forming on his lips. you open your mouth but you can’t seem to answer it truthfully. the only thing you remember for now is your name and a distant memory of you and the man in front of you. 

cutting your moment off, a sudden alarm blared throughout the place. “approaching tau ceti orbit. prepare for engine cutoff,” the automated voice announced. “oh no,” ryland mumbled. he looked at you, then to the ladder, he’s contemplating on whether to take care of this or stay with you. “tau ceti? what— what’s the computer saying?” you asked but the blond couldn’t give an immediate answer.

then it started counting down and ryland didn’t have any other choice but to leave you. “stay here,” he instructed before climbing up the ladder. “what does it mean ‘tau ceti’? are we in outer space?!” you shout, not getting a reply. “why the fuck would i be in space?” you ask basically to yourself. 

seeing how this ryland grace isn’t all that reliable, you decided to follow him up. then, it happened… “you are now orbiting tau ceti,” the computer stated. you heard a squeal come from wherever ryland went. suddenly, you felt your left foot slip from the rung— then your right— then you were floating in the air, hands gripping the rung as it served as your only foundation of stability. 

utterly bewildered by the situation and the fact that you are most probably in space, you still pushed yourself upwards. “what’s happening, ryland?!” you cried out when you finally reached the top. you saw the blond sitting in a room filled with a bunch of controls and monitors and behind him… is a window overlooking an endless dark and starry sky. “wha— i told you to stay put!” ryland shouted in a panicked tone. 

“we’re in space?!” you scream, terrified of the fact that you are far from your home, from earth. i wake up from an induced coma with a man who i can barely remember but happens to be an old friend (?) of mine and we’re floating in space, in the tau ceti system. great, just great. you try to steady your breathing, not letting the panic set in. 

ryland bit his lip as he stared at you internally panic. he ran a hand through his face, stressed about the situation. “petrovascope operational. petrovascope operational.” he ignored the computer as he floated towards you. he called your name and said, “listen, go back down to the medbay. your belongings are there, in a duffel bag. i suggest you put on something more… concealing.” the blond looked away, the tips of his ears going red.

you glanced down at yourself. despite the medical jumpsuit covering your whole body, it was still see through, something you didn’t notice earlier. fortunately, you were still wearing undergarments underneath it. you covered your body like it would undo what ryland has already seen. as much as it is embarrassing, you were thankful it got your mind off from having a panic attack. 

you decided to obey him just this once and left. you made your way back to where you came from. you spotted a duffel bag along with an orange jumpsuit similar to what ryland is wearing, floating midair. you did your best to navigate yourself in zero g just to catch your stuff. 

you first changed into the jumpsuit before getting ahold of the bag. since there was nothing to restrain you from floating away, it was a real struggle to open it. you bit onto the other end of the bag and pulled the zipper, the contents of the bag spilling out. “shit,” you cursed, trying to reach a plain shirt to layer underneath your current outfit. 

once you finally put the shirt on, a picture floating pass your face caught your attention. before it could fly away any further, you snatched and scanned it thoroughly. it was a picture of a girl with braces in a tacky gown, presumably you, and a boy in an even more tacky suit. you immediately recognized that dirty blond hair and thin rimmed glasses. 

your head started to hurt again. bits and pieces of memories flash by your mind. a dutch woman— eva stratt— barging into your clinic, holding up a thesis paper you never thought you’d see again. she didn’t give you a choice and dragged you away in a black suv. you arrive in a warehouse-turned-laboratory where you saw… ryland grace. surge of emotions flow through you, mainly: annoyance but there’s also… longing? 

you don’t know why you feel like that towards the blond, but you’re grateful to get some of your memories back. so far, you figured that you’re a psychiatrist, the sun was dimming, and you were recruited by this eva stratt leading to your meeting with the man. yet, those still didn’t answer your question as to why you’re in space. you push yourself up to the cockpit, hoping you’ll get answers from ryland grace himself. 

“grac— um, ryland, i have a few questions…” you trailed off when you saw him staring intently into the petrovascope, eyebrows furrowed in concern. “what is it?” you ask, his behavior concerning you in exchange. he slowly turned to look at you and realized that you’ve changed out of the medical jumpsuit. “oh… are you okay now?” he asked back. 

“no,” you flatly replied. “i still haven’t accepted the fact that i’m in space and i can’t remember my past. i’m just good at regulating my emotions,” you added. good at regulating emotions but not panic. “good for you. when i woke up first i was so sure i was gonna die,” ryland rambled, chuckling. 

before you could say another word, the computer spoke, “blip-a detected.” “what’s a blip-a?” ryland averted his attention back to the console, he analyzed the radar as it showed “blip-a”. the both of you redirected your focus to the window, you comically peeking behind ryland’s figure as he slowly rotated his head towards it. you grab onto an empty pilot chair to accelerate you forward before gripping on the blond’s shoulders. the both of you didn’t think of the proximity as you gawked at “blip-a”, which is obviously an alien spaceship.  

you two slowly spun midair while examining the ship that was a hundred times larger than your puny one. once it stopped, ryland started panicking. “no, no, no, no, no.” he pulled you by the wrist and settled you on the seat, buckling the straps securely. “co-pilot detected,” the computer announced. “i’m not a pilot?” you looked at the blond, worry evident on your face.

“we’re getting out of here!” he shouted, crawling over to the other empty seat. “pilot detected!” he said as he tried to sit himself down, but still struggling due to zero gravity. “please engage restraint,” mary— as ryland called it— said. he managed to lock the restraints as you spoke, “um, i don’t know how to fly a fucking spaceship, ryland grace!” 

“first of all, no swearing. second, i also don't know how to fly this thing!” he scream in terror, turning on every switch he could find. “use the jo— use the freaking joystick!” you shouted in annoyance, pointing at the stick that was literally just beside him. “this? oh, okay.” ryland hesitated for a moment, but eventually clutched it with both hands. 

at first, the blond steered the ship with his eyes closed. “erratic maneuver detected.” “don’t close your eyes while driving!” you gripped your belt so tight your knuckles went white. “this isn’t exactly like driving a car, you know!” he shouted amidst the panic. he did get a hang of it after a while, finally getting away from the ship. 

the two of you let out a sigh of relief, but it was short lived when mary spoke again, “blip-a detected.” ryland groaned in frustration, “what do they want?!” “just go!” he didn’t hesitate to obey your order as he held the joystick once more. the blond tried his best to evade the alien/s, he really did, but they just kept on following your ship. 

at this point, you two aren’t even scared of them anymore. just exhausted, is all. you were staring outside the pane of glass with tired eyes, while ryland was as puzzled as ever. he moved the ship three “steps” forward, only for the bigger one to do the same. and let’s just say, that was the funniest shit you’ve ever witnessed. 

“pfft,” you didn’t mean to let out a snort, but it was too late. ryland glanced at you, still having that puzzled look on his face. “you’re laughing?” you don’t know if he was being serious or not. “no,” you shook your head, your face contorting into a poker face.

ryland suddenly noticed in one of the monitors that something was moving from the alien ship. he unbuckled himself from the seat and watched the screen. “blip-b detected.” he took his glasses within his suit and put them on. you hadn’t even noticed that he had taken it off. “current distance from hail mary is eight-hundred meters.” 

you slide your seat near the monitor as ryland pivots to inspect the radar instead. through the screen, you saw something approaching the ship— which you assumed the alien sent. “it’s sending us something,” you stated. “it could be a message,” the blond guessed, looking out the window. “or… it could be a bomb,” you retorted, too nonchalantly for his liking. 

ryland gazed back at you, sighing in disbelief. your hypothesis clearly isn’t helping his nerves. you only shrug your shoulders. he floated back to the console and roared, “shields up!” “there are no shields on board the hail mary,” mary replied. “why not?!” “why would there be shields in a nasa spaceship, dumbass? this isn’t star wars,” you snickered at the man. 

he pointed a scolding finger at you. “i said no swearing. gosh, since when did you cuss so much?” ryland whispered that last part to himself, but you heard it loud and clear. if it was the right time, you’d ask about it but unfortunately, there’s an alien message/bomb thing going on. mary started counting the remaining distance of the message/bomb from the ship. the blond curled into a ball midair— bracing for impact— while you stayed seated. you doubt it’s a bomb with how slow it was approaching. but if it was… then you’d just have to accept your fate. you couldn’t remember much about your past anyway. 

you closed your eyes— lowkey fearing for your life— as it reached ten meters. you could feel your own heartbeat, your hands clutching the seat straps like your life depended on it. as you mentally counted the remaining distance, there was a very muffled ‘thud’. “well, i guess there’s egg on all of our faces, huh?” ryland stated, to which you scoffed, “only on your face.” “yeah, i totally did not see you tremble in fear,” he retorted as he strapped himself down the pilot chair. 

“at least i was going to take it like a grown woman—” mary cut you off, “blip-c detected.” you and ryland looked back at the radar scope at the same time. “why is it moving much slower than the last one?” he asked as he analyzed it. “oh, i know,” you exclaimed. the blond turned to look at you. “they think you’re dumb,” you continued with a sly smile.

he could only shake his head in dissatisfaction with your sarcastic remarks. for someone who just woke up in space who doesn’t fully remember him yet, you were pretty snarky. he doesn’t remember you being that sassy when you two met back in the lab. “if we were going to catch it, what would we do?” he asked, focusing back to the matter at hand. “would you like to go on a spacewalk, dr. grace?” mary suggested.

“wait…” you glanced at ryland with a concerned look, he only shook his head and clicked his tongue. without warning, the blond left the cockpit. “hey— wait!” you shouted, trying to unlock the seatbelt. since it was ryland who restraint you, you didn’t have any idea how to unbuckle it as it’s very different from normal seatbelts— being built for space travel after all. 

by the time you finally freed yourself, ryland was already suited up. “grace! come back here!” you yelled as you tried to search for him. “don’t go near here if you don’t wanna get sucked out!” the man yelled back. you could only assume that he was already by the airlock. you huffed and decided to just return to the cockpit, hoping there’d be surveillance cameras that reach outside the ship. 

as always, your intuition was right, there is surveillance outside the ship. you breathed into your hands as you watched in anticipation. you can conclude that ryland is definitely not an astronaut with how bad he is at spacewalking. then again, you aren’t one yourself either, so who are you to judge him? for all you know, the blond could just be an innocent civilian dragged into the spaceship. 

“you better catch that, ryland,” you whisper to yourself as you watch him clumsily stumble in zero gravity. you held your breath, watching him accelerate before jumping to catch the message. you let out a quiet, “yes!”, once he got his hands on it. but as the blond floated, his safety tether got caught on something, prompting him to let go of the alien matter. you facepalmed, thinking that he’d lost it.

it didn’t take a second for ryland to recover, though. he stood there and raised his hand holding the matter, triumphantly. you breathe a sigh of relief. “you’re going to kill me, ryland,” you spoke into the intercom. “relax, you’re not gonna lose me out here,” he replied, a little out of breath. you felt your shoulders tense at ryland’s cheeky remark. not that you were flustered or anything, just… shocked. because somehow, that statement brought up emotions you can’t quite name yet. 

end note: now cross-posted on ao3! okay, now this holds as the most words i've ever written. anyway, finally done with our experimental research proposal ugh! i can finally write!

taglist: @kurt-wlzn, @haymitchandthegeese, @plan3t-plut0, @avery-writes21, @marumaomao, @wistfulosophy, @deadbeatphobos, @roserrys, @bean0707, @moon-trash1507, @introvertathome, @250kms, @sarcastic-ravenpuff, @aleemendoza2425-blog, @sunnycl0ver

[selenitasofi]

ryland grace needs a hug and i need to be the one to give it to him

[kuro-mimi]

ryland grace x fem!psychiatrist!reader

⬅️previous chapter | next chapter➡️

in which: you’re betrayed by eva stratt

tags: ANGST, implications of panic attack, self harm (but nothing serious), crying like lots of crying, acts of betrayal, heart wrenching final moments

THREE DAYS. it was currently three days before the launch of the hail mary. you’re also currently exploring the station where the launch will take place. hands neatly folded behind your back, your white pristine coat framing your body— others would think you’re one of the leading authorities in the project with how you radiated professional aura. but you were just… you. a person who got dragged into this madness unwillingly with your ex, dr. ryland grace.

speaking of the scientist, after that night— you two seemed closer than before. not that close, but still closer than before. whenever ryland would spot you during lunch break, he’d sit with you— whether in your clinic or the cafeteria, it doesn’t matter. he needed to make sure you were eating well, even if he doesn’t say it out loud. if he does not see you having lunch though, he’d go out of his way just to bring you food.

you appreciate his gesture very much, but this made it difficult for you to look him straight in the eye. if ryland thought you were drunk the night of the party, he was wrong. you’re completely sober— yes, a bit tipsy— but conscious enough to make sensible decisions. so did you meant it when you said you never regretted meeting him? you’d say, statistically, it was 10% alcohol and 90% you therefore… yes, you meant it.

back on the station, you were simply enjoying the fog out in the grassy field. you missed the land with how long you’ve stayed at sea. as you were enjoying the fresh air (that was accompanied by slight smell of metal and gas), you felt the ground shake. from a distance, you saw a mushroom cloud erupt near the station. the walkie-talkie in your coat pocket cackled, carl was frantically paging you.

your heart was beating so fast you were sure it’d jump out of your chest. once you arrived at the station, you immediately tended to the people involved in the explosion— which contained dubois and another supposed crew of the hail mary. you felt vertigo at the sight of them. they were gone, and there’s nothing anyone can do to revive them. you look up at carl and shook your head.

the mission has been compromised. with just three days away from departure, the project is in need of a science officer replacement. so eva held a spontaneous meeting, consisting of: you, grace, the remaining crew, and the other leading scientists. “if we miss the orbital window, it’ll set us back months.” you sat across from ryland as you let out a frustrated sigh into your hands. “yeah, but if no one’s trained to do the mission, it won’t matter,” the man in front of you replied worriedly.

“casualty projections go up if we delay. we launch on schedule with a replacement science officer,” eva explained with urgency. “okay? but… who?” the blond asked, rubbing his nose bridge in exasperation. you were curious too as to who they might be thinking of. would anyone be willing to risk their lives on such short notice? you look at eva, only to see the rest of them staring straight at ryland.

no… no. silence filled the table as ryland and eva had a stare down. “i’m not an astronaut,” he retorted. “i don’t need an astronaut. i need an expert on astrophage who’s mission ready,” the dutch argued. “i’m not ready. i don’t have any training,” the scientist added, to which ilyukhina said, “you’ll pick it up.” as if it was the easiest thing to do.

“i’m not an astronaut.” ryland stomped his hands on the table, trying to make a point. you felt your heart gradually beat faster. “i put the ‘not’ in ‘astronaut’.” hot tears started to well in your eyes. you don’t know why, but it’s coming. because admit it or not, ryland has become special to you. you can’t name it yet— was it platonic? romantic? you didn’t decide thus far, but one thing’s for sure… he’s placed himself in your heart once again.

“i’ve never done anything— i’ve never done a spacewa— i can’t even moonwalk!” he listed all the things as to why he’s not the perfect pick for this. but it’s not enough to convince all of them. your brain couldn’t comprehend it, your heart felt like it was being squeezed so tight, and your lungs were running out of air. you can’t do this. you don’t want to hear the rest of the conversation.

you stood up abruptly, garnering the attention of everyone in the room. ryland stared at your figure, your breathing quickened and your hands were shaking. he mumbled your name, seeing if you were okay when he knows for a fact you’re not. it was sweet of him to check up on your panicked state when he, himself, is panicking. you have to thank him for that, but now is not the right time and place.

you quickly grabbed your coat and stormed off the room, shoulder almost bumping into carl. this time, ryland shouted your name, but you dare not to look back as your tears were already drenching your cheeks. “isn’t it about time you tell her?” you hear yao ask eva faintly. she only held a hand up, signifying the captain to wait and glanced at the scientist who was confused. “what’s that supposed to mean?” ryland asked.

eva ignored his question and continued, “you have no immediate family. you don’t even have a dog.” “i have…” the blond said too quickly, staring at your now empty chair. “i have her,” he whispered. “are you sure?” the dutch’s questions was short and simple. a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question, yet it held so many implications. doubts started flooding his mind, all coming back to the thought of you.

you rushed into the restroom, not caring if someone was there. you locked yourself in a vacant cubicle. you sniffle, trying so hard to silence the sobs coming out of your mouth. i can’t lose him, you thought. i’ve already let him go before and i… deeply regretted it.

“why?” you ask no one, looking up at the ceiling. did you think someone would answer you? the stars? the galaxies? a higher being? or maybe… god himself? “why now? when i just got him back?” you cried, slapping your head as if wracking your brain could give you answers the stars or any higher being couldn’t.

you continued to cry, eventually letting the sobs out. and you slap… and slap and slap and punch and hurt yourself. your chest only kept tightening, the pain was starting to get unbearable that you… just want it to all go away. outside the hallway, ryland was desperately searching for you. he only has three hours to decide and you’re the only person he wants to see right now.

unexpectedly, a woman approached the scientist with a worried look on her face. “she’s in the restroom, in the cubicle at the very end,” she pressed. “i think she’s… hurting herself.” ryland didn't hesitate to run inside as soon as he heard the last phrase, not caring about a thing as he only cared about you. he opened the door, and there he saw you… repeatedly hitting yourself.

ryland couldn’t explain it but you looked so deflated, like life was sucked out of you and it hurt him. “hey, hey.” he held both your wrists, refraining you from acting out again while still staying gentle. your breath was ragged from crying. the blond called out your name softly, “look at me.” he continued to call out for you to snap out of it. which it did.

you look up through blurry eyes, eyes slowly focusing at ryland’s face. his eyes were red, like he's been holding back liters of tears. he held your wrists firmly but soft. “breathe with me.” and he tried to steady his breathing for you to follow along. you exhaled, and inhaled, your trembling gradually stopping. ryland whispered you name as he noticed you finally stabilising.

without thinking, you engulf the blond in a hug. “don’t go,” you muttered, voice breaking, making ryland’s resolve broke down. a tear falling from his eye, but he stopped before all of it could pour. he couldn’t let you see him be vulnerable, not when you’re this fragile. he can be vulnerable later— maybe when they still force him to go— but right now, what you need is an anchor. to hold on to, to lift you back to the surface.

"i have three hours," ryland spoke and you immediately let go. you frowned, lips trembling. "that's what stratt told me. i have three hours to decide," he added. you only shook your head in dismay, looking down as you can't face the scientist. your tears were threatening to fall again. "hey, it'll be okay." even though nothing about this will be 'okay'.

ryland could only sigh as you let out silent cries. "h— how about we go out of here and talk?" he asked, to which you nodded with all the energy you could muster. "okay? okay." the blond helped you stand up from the toilet, your knees jelly from all the crying. the two of you walked out of the restroom, not giving a damn about the stares given by other workers present in the scene.

hour one. you and ryland found a bench outside of the building. the air was cold and fog spread throughout the field. ryland is fond of the fog, he liked it very much, but right now— it symbolizes nothing but the impending doom waiting for him... waiting for you. the two sat in silence, the whistling wind serving as their background music, humming a sad tune.

ryland shuffled in his seat, his shoulder bumping into you. "um..." he murmured, not exactly sure where to start. "i don't want to go," he whispered, to himself and to you. you stayed silent for a good minute before replying, "then don't." easier said than done, and you knew that.

ryland huffed, thinking of all the possible ways he could fix this. but words... it cannot simply fix. "i'll try to talk to them," he stated, uncertainty under his tone. you glance at him and queried, "will that work?" of course not. "it's worth the try," he answered.

hour two. "for all you know, they'll coerce you to it. they could— they could drug you or, or something," you stuttered, the scenarios playing in your head stinging your heart. ryland rubbed his thighs nervously. he doesn't want to face the truth but he knows there's no going away with this.

"stratt won't do that to me." you whipped your head to the blond's direction, looking at him like it was the most ridiculous thing you've heard. "are you kidding me? you're the first person she thought of as replacement." your tone was rising that you were almost shouting. ryland faced you, holding up his hands to calm you.

"i— i trust her," he tried to convince you, or rather, himself. your brows furrowed and eyes squinted. "how can you trust her?" you scoff, "she forced us here in the first place. as far as i know, she's keeping something from me. and for all i know, she might be planning on getting me on that ship too."

ryland froze. he suddenly remembered yao's question as soon as you left the room. and how eva avoided it with that look on her face while she stared at him. no... no that can't be.

hour three. the scientist stood up, straightening his posture. "then let's run away," he blurted out, surprising you. "that's impossible," you sarcastically laughed. "i'll talk to stratt..." ryland trailed of, then looked down at your still sitting figure. "... and if she does use violence. i'll run away. we'll run away," he finished, the statement tugging at your heartstrings.

you stood up also, letting out a quick sigh. "alright," says you. the two of you stared at each other's eyes for quite a while. letting yourselves get lost in each other. it was like that seven minutes after you die, where your life flashes by quick within those minutes. the memories of you and ryland— old and new— plagued your mind.

unexpectedly, ryland hugged you, his shoulders dropping like he's been trying to keep his guard up since earlier. you didn't hesitate to hug him back as he buried his face into the crook of your neck. he mumbled your name that turned more like a helpless sob. "ry..." you mumbled back, the nickname only saddening the man more.

before you turn into a crying mess, ryland has let go. the sadness was evident on his face but he tried to stay stable for you. there was this unspoken connection between the two of you despite years of no contact. you thought it was just “high school sweethearts” but no. it was indeed deeper than that.

soon enough, you were mere inches away from each other that you could feel his body heat against you. ryland’s movements were slow, but you didn’t dare stop him. he placed a firm hand on the back of your head that secured you. his lips graced your forehead ever so lovingly— like he’s always done before. and before you know it, he’s on his way to eva.

you waited patiently, pacing back and forth as your heart beat through your ears. then you saw that familiar yellow coat running, men following behind him. carl was quick to block your way, but you were already filled with rage and evaded him. you watch as they tackle ryland to the ground, desperately begging them to don’t do it. “ryland!” your knees scrape the grassy land as you drop to the ground. it hurt, but it doesn't compare to the betrayal and heartbreak you're feeling at that very moment.

ryland called your name, crying, begging. carl appeared behind you, saying, “you know who you are. you’re gon’ do great.” you gripped the grass, annoyed by carl’s words of encouragement. you watch helplessly as the blond drifted to unconsciousness, mumbling your name as his last word.

you stand up, pushing carl harshly. “what is this?! how dare you do this to him?! he trusted you!” you repeatedly punched his chest but it didn’t do anything. carl only shook his head and looked behind you. you turned around harshly it almost gave you whiplash. you see the doctor that sedated ryland come closer to you.

you laugh amidst your tears, “so i was right? you were thinking of bringing me up there too?” “i’m sorry,” eva’s voice rang, she had her hands behind her as she walked over to you. you stare at her, eyes devoid of life. “a ‘sorry’ won’t cut it,” you said through gritted teeth.

“he trusted you stratt.” your voice came out, barely a whisper. the dutch only tilted her head, a look of pity displayed on her face. carl, out of his own will, refrained your hands behind your back. “why are you doing this?” you ask. “that serum was supposedly for you,” she answered, to which you laughed.

“what are you saying?” your shoulders bounced as you laugh with how ridiculous the situation is. “you’re the designated medic to board the ship,” the woman replied. “and you couldn’t tell me that before dragging me into this project?” your head hang low, you didn’t have any energy left and you couldn’t bring yourself to face her. you would just see red.

“you’re the best option we have. you were perfect to help dr. grace in understanding astrophage behavior and you’re the most commended in the medical field. space is vast, being lightyears away from human contact can do numbers on our astronauts psychological and physical state. of course, we want them to be in good shape to focus on the mission,” eva rambled.

“but your relationship with dr. grace is— what you would call in your field— an ‘extraneous variable’. it is something out of my control and it can greatly affect your decision in joining the crew,” she added. you scoffed, “you should’ve just stayed honest, stratt.” “well, would you have joined if you didn’t meet dr. grace in the first place?”

you fell silent. your thoughts drifted to your parents, to your beloved grandmother. you didn’t really have anyone before meeting ryland again. before all this... madness. you spent most of your days locked up in your clinic, barely going out. the only people you talk to are your patients. you can’t even bring yourself to get a pet because you’re scared of being abandoned, of being all alone.

a stinging sensation snapped you out of your thoughts. the doctor had inserted the syringe in your arm. you finally face eva, eyes blurring with neverending tears. “this isn’t ethical, stratt,” you slurred. the dutch sighed at the sight of you losing consciousness.

“nothing about this mission is ethical, doctor.”

end note: this might be the longest chapter i've written in the series (on average, i write 1k+ words per chapter and this one is almost at 3k) lol. anyways, this won't be the last chapter BUT i will be busy this upcoming week because i have research to do so i might upload... next week :( or! by saturday (Philippine time). also, thank you guys for all the love!! i'm glad y'all are enjoying this xx

taglist: @kurt-wlzn, @haymitchandthegeese, @plan3t-plut0, @avery-writes21, @marumaomao, @wistfulosophy, @deadbeatphobos, @roserrys, @bean0707, @moon-trash1507

[kuro-mimi]

thinking of giving the series a title, preferably "500 Miles" (yes based on the song) but i feel like it wouldn't be relevant until the last chapters lol i'm also thinking of cross-posting it to ao3 for easier reading, still contemplating tho! anyway guys, get ready for part 5 it's a bit... 👀 cuz i got sad writing it myself xD

[kuro-mimi]

ryland grace x fem!psychiatrist!reader

⬅️previous chapter | next chapter➡️

in which: ryland yearns for you

tags: yearning, LOTS AND LOTS OF YEARNING, finally some heart to heart talk, alcoohol is involved, ryland carl and reader trio is back, ryland yearns, reader yearns, everyone yearns, stratt lowkey cares about you

YOU'VE LOST count for how long you've stayed in eva's ship. you served as their work doctor, assessing personnel with their mental and physical health problems. at first, you thought this might be what eva was pertaining to when she said they "needed" you. but it still didn't feel right with you. everything was just so normal, and eva stratt and this project was far from normal. workers, employees come and go from your makeshift clinic. you diagnose, you prescribe, and that was supposed to be it... until that day...

you just finished consulting a patient when someone knocked on your door. assuming it was just another patient, you told them to come in. you didn't tear your eyes away from the record you're examining as the doorknob clicked open. "this is dr. ryland grace's friend," eva's voice made you quickly look up, only to see her with a bunch of people, presumably from nasa.

"she helped him determine the astrophage's behavior on why it was going to venus," the dutch continued to introduce you while you stood up abruptly, your chair clattering back. "doctor, this is our three astronauts assigned for the mission and their backups: yao, ilyukhina, and dubois." you smiled at the three and shook their hands. "nice to meet you," you said. from the corner of your eyes, you could see ilyukhina giving you a weird look.

"a medical doctor?" yao questioned with a smirk. "well, she and dr. grace were lab partners back in high school. i believe she excels particularly in chemistry," eva explained, making you blush a bit with how highly she's describing you. "lab partners, huh?" dubois asked, a bit unconvinced with that phrase.

"oh, haha..." you glanced at eva, who was clearly avoiding your pleading gaze. "well... we're exes, but that information would be unnecessary for this conversation," you answered, trying to keep it professional as much as possible. eva's company, especially yao laughed in a teasing manner. yao then said something in his language that you clearly did not understand.

eva stayed silent for a second before responding back in the same language, yao only nodded at this. "we're looking forward in getting to know you more, doctor," he stated, holding his hand out again for a handshake. you hesitated for a second before taking his hand in yours, "me too." you don't know if you mean that reply.

eva continued to explain that they can come to you anytime for a consultation, "she'll also help with the programming of the medical robot that will help you in the hail mary." you whipped your head to eva's direction and whispered, "i will?" "you will," she affirmed. you could only nod in defeat. if eva says you will, you will— that's the rule.

"um, have you met dr. grace?" you asked, to which ilyukhina answered with a 'yes'. "he's real smart," she added. "and handsome too. i can see why the two of you were together at some point." you almost cringed at yao's utterance but hid it behind a smile that was for sure contorting into something more like disgust. after a few small talk with the crew, they finally went on with their way.

you slumped back down on your chair with an exasperated sigh. ryland... you two barely talked to each other ever since that meeting. although, you'd spot him at the cafeteria at times when you had the chance to take a break, you can't seem to get yourself to approach him. he was often surrounded by his fellow scientists, or the guards that he managed to befriend. most of the time you'd just grip your tray until your knuckles go white and chicken out.

you flip your phone up that was resting on your table. right, you never got his number nor his social media account. does he even have one? when you opened your contact list, you were sure flies came out of it with how empty it was. the numbers you have were only those from your late parents, grandmother, and that one friend you made back in med school who you barely talk to anymore.

gosh, when did your life get so miserable? if you continued to resist eva back then, would it change a thing? nope, nothing would change. you'd still be as miserable as you are now. in your thirties, single, no kids, no pets, no friends, no parents. no kids do sound nice though.

on the following days, they held a party in the ship. you knew about it because you overheard it in the cafeteria earlier. you contemplated whether to attend or not, but figured you won't really miss anything if you didn't go. your mind did drift off to ryland though, wondering if he was having fun in that party, if he was... flirting with somebody. you hated that thought and decided to just drown yourself in paperwork.

why should i care if he goes around and have fun with somebody? it's not my business. he's a grown man for fuck's sake! ugh, stupid ry— your inner monologue was cut short when a knock echoed. "come in," you shouted. the door opened and you were surprised to see who it was.

"carl?" "are you not going to the party?" he asked. well, you didn't expect to hear that from someone so stiff and always on guard. "oh, i'm not— parties aren't really my thing..." you replied with a sheepish smile. "stratt ordered to come get you," carl stated. you asked him why and he continued, "stratt's at the party."

your mouth opened agape, surprised that the eva stratt would bother to waste time on leisure when she's always about work, work, work. "she sang sign of the times by harry styles, you know." now that surprised you. you scoff at first, before it turned into a full on laugh, "wow, i guess i did miss out on something big." you sigh, silence enveloping the two of you.

"how about ryland?" you ask, not looking up at carl. you didn't know if you were embarrassed or... afraid to hear the answer. "just come down," was the last thing he said before walking out, leaving your door slightly ajar. just in case you change your mind.

you ran your palms over your face. you don't know if you could face ryland right now... but you still gather your things and walk out the clinic. as you locked the door, your back bumped into someone. "oh my, sorry—" you stop. it was ryland, two smirnoffs in hand.

"were you about to...?" the blond trailed off when he saw your face for the first time in a while. there were prominent bags under your eyes, your lips lack of color, and he was sure you lost some weight. have you been overworking yourself? was eva overworking you? "i was about to go to the party," you started. "i heard stratt sang. i felt... fomo, is that what kids say nowadays?" you tried to humor him.

ryland snapped out of his thoughts at the sound of your voice. "oh, i see. we can still go there if you want," he suggested. you stared at the alcohol in his hands, contemplating if you'd rather be in a crowded place— barely hearing each other— or be alone in an empty room with your ex. the latter it is.

you rotated back to the door and unlocked it. "you coming or not?" you look at ryland, opening the door to welcome him in your clinic. he didn't hesitate and went inside, to which you quickly followed. you sat in your chair like usual while the scientist sat opposite from you. he set the drinks on the table, pushing one bottle towards you.

"thanks." you held the drink up before taking a sip. "no problem. i just noticed... you weren't at the party," ryland explained as he drank his own. you shrugged, fiddling with the bottle in your hand. he noticed your hesitation, just like how he noticed every little thing about you. "why didn't you attend?" he asked. "you didn't get to hear stratt sing," he continued, adding humor to his question. he didn't want you to think he's been thinking about you since your last encounter. that's just how exes are.

"so i've heard," you chuckled. oh, how he missed that sound. like wind chimes clanging in a windy, spring day— no. you two are history, previous lovers, exes, just high school sweethearts. it's been decades since you've seen each other, surely you've moved on from him. especially since you're the one who broke up with him.

awkward silence filled the air as the two of you only chugged your drinks down. you counted the minutes that had passed without anyone speaking up. 3 minutes and 22 seconds. you couldn't take it anymore, the air was suffocating you and it was torture. "long time no see, huh." "i missed you."

you paused, not sure if you heard that right. from who did that come from? surely it wasn't you, right? right, your voice isn't that deep. it must've come from the man in front of you. "what did you say?" you ask, brows furrowed.

ryland didn't answer and started quaffing his smirnoff down, avoiding eye contact. "don't avoid me, ryland. i'm not deaf." you tried to act annoyed as much as possible despite the rising heat in your neck. the scientist could only sigh in defeat, the tips of his ear red as a tomato. you felt the corner of your lips twitch at the sight.

"yeah, i... it's been so long, you know? we were assigned at opposite ends of the ship and stratt was always monitoring me so it was hard to check on you," ryland clarified, eyes darting anywhere but you. that was supposed to be it, but before his brain could stop it, his mouth started moving again. "i rarely saw you at the cafeteria and when i do i just..." he trailed off, looking up to you before his glasses. "... you're already walking away and— i chicken out," the blond finished.

you snicker, "what are you saying?" you can't believe it. ryland had the same thought as you? you were pretty sure he's enjoying his days at the ship with how acquainted he is with everyone. "you seemed to get along with everyone though," you thought out loud. you pursed your lips, mentally cursing for not keeping it to yourself. you also hated how it sounded so... jealous. it was your turn to chug your drink down.

"oh well— it's only for formality, plus they're the ones who talk to me first. you know me, i try hard not to talk to other people or else i'll start rambling their ears off." ryland played with his drink, swirling it around, a fond look displayed on his face. you don't know if it was the alcohol kicking in or just you, but you felt a surge of boldness. "yeah, that's literally how we met," you said, chuckling.

ryland averted his attention to you in surprise. he almost felt happy that you were reminiscing your past with him, but when he saw your half-lidded eyes, he knew it was just the alcohol talking... or was it? he took a sip, the drink leaving a sting on his tongue, one that went straight to his heart. he might have to go to the doctor to get that check. unlucky him, you're the only medical doctor on the ship. oh well, he's just gonna have to wait until he gets back on land.

"you looked so lonely back then..." you didn't stop bringing up the memories. "i only pitied you, did you know that?" your head tilted to the side, staring back at ryland as he intently listened. "so i approached you, then you started talking about atoms and molecules. i thought my eardrums were going numb," you laughed at the memory.

"yeah, yeah. sorry 'bout that," ryland chuckled, the memory clear in his mind like it happened yesterday. then he thought of something, a question. a question that might get him in trouble, hurt, or... fall. he glanced at your figure, your cheek resting on your hand, head bobbing from time to time. you were sleepy.

ryland took a sharp inhale, as if he'd gather enough courage if he inhaled enough o2. fudge it, he thought. "did you ever... regret it? approaching me?" he dropped the bomb. the blond expected a 'yes', but instead received silence. he noticed your head hanging low and decided to take a peek.

your eyes are closed, mouth slightly open. you were sleeping. ryland can only let out a quiet laugh, feeling stupid. he doesn't know what to do with himself and this... feeling. he doesn't know if it's something new or old. he doesn't know what to do with you.

why'd you have to come back now that the world's ending? why not a few years ago? why didn't the stars align to let you two meet again? because you see, ryland is a greedy man. behind his dorky, nerdy nature, he's a very greedy man. a man that can't get enough love from anyone, because you gave it to him no one can ever replicate.

suddenly, a knock made him flinch. ryland didn't notice how close he was leaning over to you and immediately backed up. "need help with her?" it was carl. unbeknownst to the two, he'd been guarding them the whole time, as per eva's order. the blond thought it over, but he can't seem to let himself hand you over to another person.

"nah, i got this," ryland lifted you off the chair effortlessly— bridal style— while carl assisted in cleaning the bottles and locking the door. carl walked ahead of you two, leading ryland to your bedroom. the scientist tried so hard not to stare at your sleeping face, afraid he might get distracted and fall. he wouldn't want to hurt you.

as you three neared your room, ryland felt you stir in your sleep. for a second, he thought you'd wake up and freak out. but what came out of your mouth next got his heart beating a mile. "i don't... regret a thing... ryland," you mumbled, snuggling further into his neck.

dr. ryland grace is but a man. a very greedy man.

end note: can we all collectively agree that ryland definitely yearns hard?

taglist: @avery-writes21, @haymitchandthegeese, @plan3t-plut0, @marumaomao, @lastminutescience, @kurt-wlzn

[kuro-mimi]

OKAY I JUST REALIZED I PUT MICROBIOLOGIST INSTEAD OF MOLECULAR BIOLOGIST IN MY PHM FANFIC 😭😭😭 SORRY THEY JUST LOOK AND SOUND THE SAME I GOT CONFUSED!!

[kuro-mimi]

ryland grace x fem!psychiatrist!reader

⬅️previous chapter | next chapter➡️

in which: stratt keeps you and ryland in her ship to join the project hail mary, but you don't know why she's still keeping a medical doctor in a space project

tags: emetophobia warning, i think reader has fomo, stratt being secretive, still awkward ryland, physical touch for a short moment, secrets secrets secrets, i can't think of any tags lol

YOU WERE immediately greeted by eva once you landed on the ship. she was kind enough to ask how ryland's and yours flight went. you were in good condition, the scientist on the other hand... was puking in a traffic cone. both you and eva could only look away in disgust. "if i may ask, where are we?" you asked the woman in behalf of ryland, staying completely professional. "the ocean," she replied.

once ryland caught up to the two of you— traffic cone in hand— eva queried, going straight to the point, "the astrophage reproduction, can you do it at scale?" you looked at her, confused before ryland replied, "oh, in theory uh... you just get a bunch of elbow shaped pipe, put sunlight in one end— excuse me for a second." then he went on to puke again. eva handed ryland's coat to a personnel and instructed him to write what the scientist said.

"sorry, but... why do you need to reproduce astrophage at a scale?" you ask the dutch. she could only shrug her shoulders and say, "you'll see later." before you could interrogate her more, ryland came back and continued explaining, "and ir line co2 in the other. repeat." you three continued to walk along the ship, following eva's lead.

"anything else you need for this?" the woman asked you and ryland. your ex continued to ramble that he just needs water because he thinks the pill is still in his throat. "and you?" eva turned to you. "just water too," you replied simply. a man then came over to eva and handed her two venti coffees, ordering him to get water for you and the blond.

"or coffee, that's—" "i need both," eva quickly retorted. you stifle a laugh as you made a mental note to tease ryland about this later. finally, you arrived inside the ship, still following eva. "okay, so this is kind of a tough room. so don't take it personally," she reminded the both of you. you started to wonder what kind of room eva is taking you while ryland assumed she was leading him to his bedroom.

arriving at a metal door, you were certain it's anything but a bedroom. eva opened it as ryland mindlessly stepped inside. you hesitated, starting to think if you're even needed here anymore but the woman only ushered you in. the room was filled with people of different backgrounds, likely scientists and world leaders. you bit your lip, feeling the nervousness bubble in your stomach while ryland turned to look at you and eva.

"i can't," he whispered, attempting to walk back out but eva blocked his path. ryland then glanced at you like a wet puppy needing help, but you only shrugged. "i was dragged here too," you argued quietly. eva continued to introduce you and ryland to the audience, pushing him in the middle while she let you sit on the side, letting him present the findings— which you thought was a bad idea. "and they figured out how to breed astrophage." everyone clapped in acknowledgement as ryland waved awkwardly.

questions came flooding in without warning, slightly overwhelming ryland. he cleared his throat and immediately, the room went silent. "doc here," he started, pointing at you. "... carl, and i made a mini venus out of a plywood box. and as soon as the samples recognized the spectral signature of co2 they were..." he paused, and you inhaled deeply. bracing for whatever term he's about to say.

"they were like... whoomp, there it is," he joked but sadly, no one got the reference. you could practically feel the shame radiate off eva as she finally let ryland sit beside you. you acted as a barrier between him and eva. perhaps to refrain her from killing him if he dare make another joke. "tough crowd," you whisper to him once he sat down. "i know right," the blond whispered back.

suddenly, another expert spoke through his mic, "while your experiment was crude and clumsy..." ryland slumped forward, now feeling embarrassed by his actions. you felt a bit bad for him, sure the experiment was impractical and contained errors, but it all worked out in the end. you're pretty sure being careful is the least of everyone's concern in a crisis that needs urgent solution. "... our scientists have replicated their results," he finished.

everyone whispered to each other and to themselves, averting their attention to ryland and you. you both looked at each other confused. the scientist leaned over to the mic, "sorry, how did you...?" dr. li then explained what his team did, eventually proving your own team's findings, "it is the co2." ryland sat back down and you let out a breath of relief.

"that's why they're going to venus," he muttered to you and eva instead of announcing it. the woman beside you urged him to say it to everyone but ryland was stubborn. you took it upon yourself to do it instead, "that's why they're going to venus..." the blond then attempted to steal the mic from you as you both said in unison, "they're going to breed."

once finally back on your respective chairs, you nudged ryland's side. he let out a quiet grunt and asked, "what'd you do that for?" "you were squeezing me, stupid," you retorted through gritted teeth. dr. li pointed at the two of you before referencing, "whoomp, there it is." ryland let out a chuckle, "i really like him." you only pursed your lips at his awkwardness while eva looked down like an embarrassed mother.

"how long to make two million kilograms?" another asked. ryland laughed, as if the question was a joke. you looked over at eva, mouthing, "two million? why?" she only shook her head, avoiding answering your question. she seems to very like to play the "not-answering-your-questions" game with you. "two million is... why..." ryland seemed to finally get the grasp of the seriousness of the situation. he leaned over to the mic and continued, "... on earth would you need that much astrophage?"

everyone started whispering once again, confused that no one filled the both of you in on what really is happening. "he has no clearance," another man spoke. eva abruptly stood up, startling you a bit. "stand up," she instructed, to which ryland obeyed. "you too." the dutch tapped your shoulder, you pointed to yourself in bewilderment. eva nodded, impatient already.

"i hereby grant the both of you top secret clearance to all information pertaining to project hail mary," she recited as quick as she sat down. "what's project hail mary?" and with that, the supposed meeting turned into an orientation. the lights were all turned off, a projector was displayed, and eva stood in front as the presenter. "the sun is not the only star dying. there is a clear pattern of infection, every star was infected by its neighbor except one..." she pointed on the screen.

"tau ceti," ryland pointed out. "that's right, 11.9 lightyears away. it is uninfected despite being well within the cluster of infected stars." as eva explained, the blond kept taking notes while you did it mentally. "why?" he asked. "why? tell him," eva gestured at everyone. "we don't know," they answered in chorus. you looked down and thought, of course.

"which is why we decided to build a ship to go there and find out." to you and ryland, that statement sounded impossible. "that's 11.9 lightyears away. you can't just build an interstellar ship," ryland chuckled like it was the most ridiculous thing he's heard. "do we even have resources for that kind of space travel?" you asked. "oh, yes, we have. the ship is not really the problem," eva replied with confidence.

"the energy required to power the ship is the problem," she added. "was the problem," another chimed in. eva then pointed to the illustrated figure of the supposed spaceship. the presentation showed that it needed two million kilograms of astrophage to serve as fuel. "the astrophage is the fuel," ryland concluded. "provided we can make enough of it. and for that, we need you, my friends," says the man in the audience.

his statement confused you. sure, you helped ryland with the discovery with breeding the astrophage, but you only acted as an assistant. you're not sure why you're even needed here. you're a psychiatrist for goodness' sake. you're gonna need to discuss this with eva later. "us?" ryland asked, not forgetting to include you. he continued explaining the dangers that could happen with that much astrophage.

eva agreed and retorted that, that's why you two now live on a boat. "so you wanna build a near light speed spaceship, have it travel further than any human-made object has ever traveled and visit a star just to... see what's up?" eva nodded at ryland's question. "and then what?" he queried more. the woman expounded that it's only a one way trip so the findings will be sent back via probes. it was clear to you and everyone else that the astronauts who will be sent to space is sacrifice.

"is this ethical?" you ask quietly into the mic, your psychiatrist brain turning on. years of research taught you that ethics is highly important when it comes to research... but you know for a fact that in a situation like this, ethics is no longer thought of. "we're in a desperate position, doctor. ethics is the least of our concern right now." you nodded, expecting that kind of answer.

as ryland asks if there were any alternatives, you felt something warm touch your back. you realized the blond beside you was comforting you, drawing tiny circles with his thumb. he still remembered how it calms you. but as the conversation progressed, you could only sense the impending doom eating you up. there were no alternatives, it's either try or not try at all.

the meeting wrapped up and eva ordered people to lead you to your rooms, but you still had something to clarify with her. "stratt!" you called out, not caring if she had high profile people surrounding her. "stratt!" you shouted again. the mentioned woman finally turned around with her usual poker face on display. she excused herself before walking towards you.

"what is it, doctor?" you don't know when she decided to call you with just your title, but that's not what you're here for, so you shoved the thought aside. "i don't understand why you're still keeping me here, i mean..." you let out an awkward laugh before continuing, "i'm a medical doctor, not a 'phd' doctor." eva only raised a brow at you, not getting your point. you clicked your tongue and glanced at ryland who was already on his way to the lab. you two didn't even get to say, "see you later."

"you already got grace. i'm not relevant for this project," you explained simply. the dutch lifted her chin up slowly, understanding what you're implying. "i already granted you clearance, there's no going back from this project," she reasoned. without another word she turned around to walk away but you refuse to let her go. "still. it's not like you need me here. i have no use for you anymore. it was all ryland's work," you stated, making eva stop.

she glanced at you, examining you from up to down. "i wouldn't have hired you if you're not of use to me." "but—" "believe me or not, doctor. we need you here." that was the last thing she said before leaving you alone. you shook your head in disbelief. your head was aching as if your brain couldn't comprehend eva stratt, and you really couldn't. her vagueness felt like she was keeping a secret from you... something she doesn't want to reveal just yet.

end note: what could stratt be keeping from you?

taglist: @haymitchandthegeese, @plan3t-plut0

[kuro-mimi]

ryland grace x fem!psychiatrist!reader

⬅️ previous chapter | next chapter➡️

in which: ryland and his ex discover why the astrophages are moving to venus

note: heyyyy this is the next part NO ONE asked for cuz i'm down bad for this fine man! like, srsly it physically aches to know i can't have him and i wanna cry

tags: ryland carl and reader: the trio we didn't know we needed, reader is a bit tsundere lol, denial is a river in egypt, fluff, ryland is that one ex who never forgets your favorites, reader is lowkey yearning tho

IT WAS time to get serious. after getting an earful from carl, ryland finally filled you in on what he discovered about the astrophages. how it is made up of water (to his disappointment), how they give off infrared light when they move, and how they "toot to scoot" in his terms. now it's your job to help him figure out why the cells are moving to venus— which, by the way, annoys you so much with how many times it's been pointed out today. ryland was pacing back and forth while you remained seated, face practically burying into your laptop as you read research that may deem helpful to the situation.

"hey, carl?" you look up to see him walking to his walkie-talkie. "this is carl," the guard replied immediately. you mount your chin over your right palm, interested to see where this is going. "imagine... for a second that you're an interstellar microorganism." you shook your head with a quiet giggle as carl was quick to refuse the scientist's request. "why would you leave the sun and go to venus?" ryland insisted anyway.

you went back to reading, but still paid attention to the two men's conversation. "why not stop at mercury, it's closer?" ryland added. "maybe fresh air?" carl guessed. the blond looked down to you, and you didn't need him to talk to know he's asking for your attention. "what?" you ask, not taking your eyes off your laptop. "venus' atmosphere is mostly co2..." he trailed off, still talking to the walkie-talkie to let carl hear your conversation.

"maybe that's fresh air to them. you don't know what this little space dusts like." and somehow, carl's statement made sense to the both of you. you finally decided to look up at ryland. "he's right. astrophage... they might be composed of water but they're still alien. if they're able to survive on the surface of the sun, surely they'd survive harsh conditions such as venus' atmposhere. they're probably there for survival, doing something..." you expounded carl's explanation and added your own thought. ryland nodded at this, his acknowledgement giving you a sense of gratification that you try to ignore.

ryland finally sat beside you, looking over the monitor that showed fellow scientists all over the world who are also working on the project. "hey carl? do we have an expense account?" he asked. you raised a curious brow to whatever your ex might be planning. "we don't," carl said, making ryland click his tongue in disbelief. "but i do," he added and the two shared a knowing smile.

"wait... what are you doing?" you queried once ryland set his walkie-talkie down. "we're gonna go shopping," he stated with a smirk on his lips. "oh, but you don't have to come with us since we're going to the hardware store. you know... heavy duty stuff," he insisted. you crossed your arms and leaned back. "you think i can't handle heavy duty stuff?" you ask teasingly. ryland was quick to stop on his tracks and turned to you with a worried look. "no— no! i wasn't— that's not what i meant," he stuttered.

you continued to tease him, displaying an offended look. "i just— i don't want you to..." ryland paused, rubbing the back of his neck, hesitating if he should continue talking. "i don't want you to get tired," he muttered and you felt your chest tighten. you dropped the act and turned back to your portable computer, resting your cheek on your palm in attempt to hide the grin that was fighting its way to your face.

so sweet annoying, you thought. "gosh, just go," you ushered him out without sparing him a glance. ryland, completely unaware of how he just activated the butterflies in your stomach, enthusiastically shouted before he walked out the lab, "leave the lifting to us!" his smile radiated as he gave you a thumbs up. you rolled your eyes playfully, still trying to hide the grin, and jokingly gave him a thumbs down. the scientist hovered his hands over his chest, acting hurt— earning a quiet chuckle from you— before running up to carl.

just as you were sure they were gone, you put a hand on your chest, counting your heartbeat per minute. and it was beating too fast, much to your dismay. you slammed your laptop shut and ran a palm over your face. ryland's face can't seem to disappear from your mind and it's just distracting you from work. dangerous, you thought.

the sun is dying and there is no time for romance, you know that— but with the hours you've spent with ryland so far, everything was just coming back to you all at once. and with how his personality barely changed... it was torturing you, because that vey personality was the reason you fell for him. we're just high school sweethearts, you told yourself. it's just the nostalgia. yep, definitely just nostalgia. you thought of everything to convince yourself, but there was a part deep inside of you which knew that it's more than just high school sweethearts.

wanting to get your mind off ryland, you tried to work it off. reading research, handling lab equipment to familiarize yourself with them after such a long time, just anything you could do to distract your mind. the two finally came back along with a bunch of plywood, aluminum foil, duct tape, some biker glasses, and of course... skittles and twizzlers. ryland shared it with everyone, but yours... is different. he made sure to buy your favorite candy, about five packs of them.

"that's still your favorite, right?" he asked for assurance, worried you might not like what he bought for you. "y... yeah," you mumbled, not knowing what to feel about this. "thank god." you heard ryland whisper to himself as he geared up for the experiment. so much for trying to get him off my mind, you thought when you felt your heart beat faster again.

"so this box is venus?" carl asked, giving voice to your thought. the two had finally finished assembling the homemade "venus" and ryland is just attaching the last piece of it inside. "the box is venus, it's set to emit the same infrared light frequency as venus' co2 atmosphere," the blond explained and you swear you almost drooled at his science-y explanation, but of course you won't admit that.

"so if the dots move when you turn the lights on, that means they're looking for co2," carl continued as you handed the microscope slide to ryland, fingers almost brushing against each other even with the gloves. "thus, proving the carl hypothesis." the scientist finally placed the slide under the microscope before walking out the box. he took the twizzlers that was resting above his ears and bit it before closing the box— which, you definitely did not find attractive.

you sat on a stool, laptop on your lap, ready to document the experiment. "alright, you ready?" ryland asked once the box has been shut completely. you and carl monitored the astrophages while your ex plugged the power source in. as soon as he did it, the astrophages was quick to move away from the microscope. thus, proving the carl hypothesis, you thought. the discovery pumped adrenaline in your veins, but it was cut short when ryland devastatingly said, "we lost them."

"what do you mean we lost them? go get 'em," carl suggested like it was the easiest thing to do. "it's not that easy to catch them," you intervened. "if i open the door and the light, they're gonna escape and then we'll lose them forever. at least now they're in the box," ryland added, pacing again. "so then just turn the lights off," carl suggested once again.

ryland, of course, patiently explained that it had to be totally dark in order to get them. "okay, so just put this box in another box." you almost let out a snort, not because carl was giving both of you common sense solutions, but because he looks irritated already but at the same time, his suggestion made total sense. "but where can we find a bigger box?" ryland asked and you finally called out to him. you nodded your head over to the laboratory, signifying that that's the bigger box he needs.

you and carl glanced at each other with knowing looks before turning to ryland. as if by telepathic communication, you three clapped in unison. the two got to work in putting the box inside the lab while you helped in covering it aluminum foil. once everything is done and closed, ryland prepared himself to retrieve the astrophages.

"go ahead and close it, over," the blond said thru the walkie-talkie despite standing directly before carl. you couldn't help but giggle. "i can hear you," carl replied, also thru the walkie-talkie. ryland then turned to you before speaking, "see you on the other side." you playfully shook your head, shoulders bouncing lightly as your giggles continued.

you and carl retreated to the observation area as the two guards closed the lab shut. all the light sources where plugged out— except for the room you're in— as ryland began phase two. "i'm in," you heard him talk through the carl's walkie-talkie. you stood still, arms crossed and focused while your company was pacing side to side. "please report, over," carl spoke, worry evident in his voice.

you patted carl's back and said, "i'm sure he's fine." ryland may be clumsy at times but when it comes to experiments, you knew how careful he is. "there's one!" ryland exclaimed. "there's two!" he added. you and carl are now pumped up as he urged ryland to find the third astrophage. your foot tapped in anticipation.

after a few seconds, ryland finally stated, "got sample three. the three musketeers, the three stooges." both you and carl cheered, thankful that it was a success. "uh-oh." this made the two of you stop. carl immediately asked what it is then ryland asked if you guys were sitting down. carl quickly clarified that the both of you were standing up.

"'cause there's a fourth." you gasped, covering your mouth in surprise as carl got confused. "we're fathers, carl." that statement earned a laugh from you but you were more focused on the new discovery. you snatched the walkie-talkie away from the now-sitting-carl. "this means they're reproducing in venus?" you excitedly asked. "yes, baby!" ryland joyfully shouted. the pet name made your heart skip a beat, but you told yourself he probably said that unconsciously.

once ryland was able to confine the astrophages back to its container, it was time to contact eva. the scientist called her as you and the others outside the box helped to get him out. it was quick, eva demanded the both of you fly out to her ship and so that's where you're all headed. "you know carl, when stratt said she was sending jets. i thought you meant like a pj." ryland couldn't contain his mouth as soon as you arrived at the jet runway.

you were redirected away from ryland as you will be flying in separate jets. the soldiers handed you gears to wear and some pills to reduce the nausea you'll be dealing with after flying. you could only laugh at ryland's awkwardness towards the soldier handling him as you popped a pill in your mouth. you had some female soldiers help you put on the gear and guide you up the jet. "doc," the pilot greeted you with a respectful nod. you greeted back with a smile.

you watched as ryland's jet flew away with a boom. you could only imagine him panicking because he for sure did not take the pill. you felt heat creep up your ears and shook your head, as if it'd take away the giddy feeling. "you ready, doc?" the pilot asked.

"more ready than ever."

end note: no way i wrote a part 2 this quick...

[kuro-mimi]

ryland grace x fem!psychiatrist!reader

next chapter ➡️

in which: high school exes meet again to save the world

note: i just watched phm and i AM OBSESSED!! i loved it so much that i need to consume every media of it and i also love LOVE ryland grace (also this is the first time i found ryan gosling attractive and holy hell why haven't i seen it before?!) ALSO GUYS DISCLAIMER: i haven't read the book so of course I'm basing this purely off the movie BUT i'm planning on reading it soon when i have the time!! also, not very accurate science pls bear with me

tags: awkward ryland, i love nerds, ex reunion, pre-tau ceti, stratt recruits reader, im afraid ryland might be a bit ooc, psychiatrist reader, fem reader, reader is smart (and i'm not so idk how i'm gonna make this scientifically sound), fluff, project hail mary is absolute peak, amaze amaze amaze, writing this instead of my research lol

"I'M SORRY but you haven't really answered my question since you dragged me here," you urgently followed eva stratt— from what you know, is the woman in charge of the whole petrova taskforce— as she lead you to god knows where. "what does a psychiatrist has to do with the petrova line?" you repeated the question you have been asking since eva barged into your clinic earlier that day. you were pretty sure she's so annoyed by your constant pestering for answers that she might drop you from the mission and leave you in a ditch.

eva stopped all of a sudden that you almost bumped into her. she turned around with such stiffness as if her every move is calculated mathematically. "we have already discovered that astrophage is a form of life, alien life," she stated but still left your question unanswered. you shrugged your shoulders, confused. "so? i'm a medical doctor, not a scientist," you said matter-of-factly, but the statement somehow left a sting in your taste buds.

eva stared at you for a good minute, the authority radiating off her made you feel small. it's as if she's showing you that she has power over you, with just her presence. “you study beyond just the human mind. you believe that everything that has life has an explanation for its behavior.” you nod with eva’s explanation. “i think every scientist believes that—“ she quickly cuts you off, dismissing your reply, “you made a bold move, a bold discovery on animal behavior that made ethologists jealous of you.” you felt your breath hitch, the statement triggering unpleasant memories you purposely buried into your unconscious mind. the shame, the scrutiny, the rumors were all coming back.

“we need you to figure out why the astrophages are moving to venus,” eva finished, turning around without another word and continued walking. you quickly followed her, almost tripping on your own foot. “i’m pretty sure the molecular biologist you have will figure that out themself,” you stated, voice slightly louder as she walked further ahead of you. your journey came to a halt as you reached the end of the tunnel, a surprise was waiting for you.

eva stepped aside, giving you full view of the person you least expected to see when the world is ending. “ryland?” you breathed. what are the odds that your high school ex would be the scientist that made the groundbreaking discovery that astrophages are a bunch of cells? and what are the odds that you’re the psychiatrist eva recruited to help the man?

ryland on the other hand, was as surprised as you are. the last time he saw you was when you dumped him during graduation, and boy did he bawl his eyes out that night. why did you dump him? he will never know... or he might ask about it later. not that he's still caught up on you it's just— it's one of those memories that stubbornly comes up when he's trying to sleep at night and haunts him.

"i believe the two of you are already acquainted with each other. so i am expecting this project to be done as soon as possible," eva spoke with such sternness as ever. you looked back at her, eyes subtly pleading to not be a part of this. eva raised a brow at you, like a mother trying to get her daughter to stay put with just a glare. you looked down to the floor in defeat. i guess there's no escaping this.

eva left, leaving the both of you with tension so thick you could cut it with a knife. "so..." ryland spoke first, rocking back and forth from his heels to toe like a kid. you finally decided to look up at him, getting a good view of his appearance after decades. blond hair disheveled like a true scientist, glasses crooked like it always did even back then, and his dorky choice of fashion. unbeknownst to you, your staring was starting to fluster him. he was starting to get conscious of himself. did he have something on his face? did an astrophage stick to him without his permission?

"woah, stop staring at me. i might melt," ryland said jokingly, chuckling. you blinked, hiding the embarrassment that he just caught you checking him out staring at him. you could only shake your head in disbelief and invited yourself in his laboratory. you heard him follow suit but you didn't dare look back. "okay, let's start with your findings first," you ordered, fixing your white coat that you didn't get to take off.

"wait, wait, wait." ryland stepped in front of you, his hands up in the air. he looked down at your coat, reading the embroidery located on your upper left chest. it read your name with a "dr." at the beginning, "md" at the end, and "psychiatrist" underneath it. "i didn't know you went to become a medical doctor," he added, brows furrowed in bewilderment. you crossed your arms, huffing, "what's that got to do with all this?"

ryland stared at you, memories of both your high school days flashing by his mind. how you both promised to be scientist, him a molecular biologist and you a chemist. "but... but you've always exceled more in chemistry. that was your whole life," he muttered. you gape at him, surprised he even remembered that part of you. you could only scoff and walk past him, not really sure where to go. "you got time to reminisce when the world is ending, grace?" you sarcastically asked, emphasizing his surname, knowing it annoyed him when you don't address him by his first name.

ryland pursed his lips. you were right, he should save the personal questions for later. "okay then..." the scientist started, leading you to where the astrophages are stored, his hand hovering over the small of your back like it's second nature to him. you winced, not sure what to feel about the gesture. "what's a psychiatrist doing here?" you snapped your head towards him, head tilting upwards since he's taller than you. ryland held his hands up in surrender before saying, "no offense."

you sigh in defeat and answered, "that was my question too at first." ryland backed up a bit after noticing how close he was to you and nodded, signifying that he's listening. "but stratt said you discovered that the astrophage is an alien life form and you needed to know why it's moving to venus," you continued, looking up at him. ryland was looking back at you but you could still see the confusion in his eyes. leaning back to a less clattered table carefully, you stated, "i'm here to help understand why the astrophages are doing what they're doing."

ryland's mouth formed an "o", finally understanding why you're needed there with him. but of course, a scientist is always curious and so he queried once again, "but... you study the human mind and behavior. i'm not following—" knowing this is just going to be followed by never ending follow-up questions, you cut him off. "you know what? it doesn't matter!" you dismissed him and turned towards the screen above the container of the astrophage, trying hard to comprehend the information it contained.

ryland, as if he read your mind, realized something. it may have been decades since you've seen each other and sure, you've changed a lot, but there is one thing that he's sure never disappeared deep within you... and it's your curiosity that goes beyond your field of expertise. while ryland had his sudden epiphany, you were still trying so hard to understand the words and numbers displayed on the screen. it's been so long since you stepped foot into a lab and read equations, and it's giving you cognitive overload.

yes, you admit that what ryland said was true. you're on par with him when it comes to science back in high school. your forte was earth science and chemistry, but the latter was what you really mastered the most. and with how the astrophage information is giving you a headache just shows how rusty you are. you could practically hear the gears in your brain creek and croak, like a machine in need of lubrication.

"you did something, didn't you?" you yelp at ryland's sudden appearance beside you. you quickly held a hand up to your mouth, afraid that the guards assigned to monitor the both of you would kill you at the slightest sound you'd make. "the hell did you do that for?" you hissed at the blond. suddenly, you're overly conscious at how he's leaning too close. "you did!" he shouted, shooting his arms up like he just made a new science discovery. as much as it's good to be working with a familiar face, ryland's antic is starting to piss you off just a little bit.

"ugh, you're so annoying." you pushed ryland away, your whole palm barely covering his face. all of a sudden, you felt something cold and slimy smear your palm that was directly resting on your ex's face. "ryland!" you pulled your hand back immediately, face contorted with disgust. "wipe this off!" you tried to wipe your hands on his shirt but ryland was quick to evade your attack.

the scientist stood there— wide-eyed— probably surprised by his own actions as well as the memories of when the both of you were still together coming back from the depths of his hippocampus. you attempted another attack but ryland backed up quick. you froze, feeling his saliva dry up on your palm... and that's when you saw red. "come here you li'l shit!"

you and ryland where having a marathon inside the laboratory, still careful not to break millions of dollars of equipment, when ryland's walkie-talkie spoke, "stop it, you two." it was carl, one of stratt's bodyguards. he was sitting in the observation room, well, observing you two. as instructed, you and ryland stopped simultaneously, realizing how childish you two probably look right now. you glanced at the other two guards standing by the door, they both shook their heads in disappointment.

you slowly moved your head to face ryland, who was already looking at you. the both of you are huffing and puffing in exhaustion. despite the blond's attempt to suppress his laugh, a snort escaped his mouth. without your will, you felt a laugh bubble up in your throat. after a few seconds of just pure silence and staring, ryland couldn't help it anymore and busted out laughing, to which you followed suit. both your laughs enveloped the seemingly dull box of glass they call a laboratory.

for a moment, it didn't feel like you two are missioned to save the earth. for a moment, it felt like you were back in high school, teasing and playing inside the chemistry lab you both sneaked into. for a moment, it felt like you were back to your old self. and it was so... so refreshing.

this is gonna be one hell of a ride.

end note: i believe ryland would be one of those ragebaiting boyfriends

[kenstellation]

I LOVE BUFF NERDS