Yoshiki revealed his childhood memories for the first time on TV.
He received so much love from his father while Yoshiki had to keep being hospitalized with poor health (asthma). His father used to give him a gift almost everyday, and Yoshiki recalls that everyday was like an Xmas. When he was 4 years old, Yoshiki told him he wanted to play piano. So his father got him a piano. Yoshiki began to take a piano lesson and his talent quickly blossomed. His father was so happy and he began to give Yoshiki a new instrument on his every birthday. Thus, Yoshiki became so into music. Yoshiki, too, talked about how much he looked up to his father. He remembered the time he went for a ride with his father and his father said he wanted to drive a Rolls-Royce. So the first car Yoshiki bought after making a debut, at age 25, was a Rolls-Royce.
When he came home after a practice of instrument (for a school brass band, I believe) during the summer vacation when he was in the fifth grade, he felt something was not right at home. When he went into the room, he saw his father lying in bed (futon) with his mother and relatives crying by his side. “At first I did not understand what was happening. Am I dreaming? Am I having a nightmare? ‘Ah, he is dead’ ‘cause everybody is crying. He is not sleeping.” “I don’t remember well myself, but I was told I cried and I was in a rage. I could not control myself. I was venting my anger on my relatives.”
He could not accept his father’s death and began to question what it is “to live.” “I wonder why I am alive and why my father is dead. I was thinking like ‘How I can die peacefully’ “ and he read so many books to guide him how to die while he was only in elementary school. “I wanted to die everyday. But I have a younger brother and a mother. I am an elder son, so I was somehow aware that I had to get my act together,” said Yoshiki in tears. His mother threw every article of his father’s which was left behind except one photograph. On off days, she took both children out and tried to act fine. Seeing his mother’s courageous way, Yoshiki sealed his sadness to date.
He was told his father died of a heart attack, and it was only several years later, when his relatives were gathering, that he learned his father had killed himself. “My sadness was greater, but I was angry too. ‘Why?’ I thought. I have to carry the question with me without it being answered as long as I live. It is a question, sadness and suffering. “ He revealed that he still has a nightmare to present. However, when the MC of the show asked him how his father sees Yoshiki now from Heaven, Yoshiki replied, “I feel my father saying, ‘Do not be daunted’ (but I would translate this more like, “Keep on rocking, Yoshiki!”
Yoshiki also talked about Hide.
Seeing Hide’s video, Yoshiki said, in tears, looking back, “I still believe it was not a suicide. He was not that type of person. He was very level headed and intelligent despite his wild look. But, it does not change the fact that he died. That was very hard for me.”
“I have to continue to live with the question of his death on my back,” said Yoshiki. “I just blamed myself, thinking.. If I had not asked him to join X, he may have lived.”
At the end of the show, Yoshiki was asked what is it that he is carrying on his back.. Yoshiki replied, “It is a dream of Hide and Taiji’s. That is also my dream.” (And it is my dream too ♥️ by Mika)
Yoshiki performed “#Miracle” on the TV show. As Yoshiki says, “Miracles happen. We make miracles happen.“ His masterpiece, “Miracle” was created with this thought that his life was like a miracle given by his fans. He also performed “#EndlessRain,” in tears, thinking of his friends in Heaven.. 😢
[Translator’s Note]
I translated some segments of the TV show, Kinsuma which aired last night in Japan as per request.
As I don’t live in Japan, I could not watch the TV show. Therefore, my translation is strictly based upon some of the articles I read. And it is only a really small and subjective portion of the show as the program ran for 2 hours. I mainly used the following sources: https://headlines.yahoo.co.jp/hl?a=20180330-00000180-sph-ent and https://headlines.yahoo.co.jp/hl?a=20180330-00000158-spnannex-ent; https://headlines.yahoo.co.jp/hl?a=20180331-00000029-mnet-musi
ps.. I just found a video which covers the entire program and just saw the beginning of it. It made me cry within the first few minutes.. the show was much deeper and more intense than what I could share.. especially since it was all coming directly from Yoshiki with his dear voice while we visually see him crying as he spoke..😢 it hurts.. But I hope.. his precious voice is reaching your hearts even though I could not share the content of the entire show.. I am sure many of you probably saw some videos, shared by his fans, and therefore, are able to feel his heart♡ I am hoping I can share more once I watch the entire show. pps.. I just watched the entire show on YouTube.. and I just cried and cried and cried.. 😭 It hurts a lot.. remembering a lot of things and really hearing it from Yoshiki, his sadness, pain and all.. it is very intense and heartbreaking.. and I am really thankful that he is with us today. It will take me a while to put into words, but maybe I can share more one day.
#YOSHIKI #WeAreX #Xjapan #Hide #Kinsuma SP
@yoshikiofficial ♥️
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