‘ i don’t wish i were dead, but some time off from being alive would be nice. ’ hello did you order Angst babe (kuronishukketsu)
「♕」:: The World is Not Always Soft…
(( Hhhhhhhhh!! Ok but can I say yes and no?? dshgjfdsfh. This got rather… deep. Fuck. I’m compromised. Again! Pen verse, obvs, because I’m a penslut ))
@kuronishukketsu
The proper response would be to point out that the young man was, of course, already ‘dead’ but that would be disingenuous and he had no desire to make light of his words.
“Oh? Is that so?” he lifted his arms to receive his lieutenant, so that they became tangled together in his futon while he teased his fingers through soft sunset spikes and thought quietly, “That is a natural desire…”
“Really?” the young man was easily persuaded into his captain’s arms and felt as if he had returned to a safe place, “Have you felt it?”
“Yes.”
There was no effort to elabourate, but Ichigo knew if he asked then Aizen would tell him; following the Disappearing Souls Case they had spoken at length and he now knew that his captain would not hide anything from him. Not even the grim truth of the world. He had opened Pandora’s Box, and it weighed heavily upon him, but he would rather carry that heavy mantle than live without Aizen’s congruence, “When? Why?”
For a moment the brunette fell silent as he slipped his glasses off and massaged both of his temples, “The first time I recall was in my youth, in the grotty rurals of Rukongai. My presence slowly killed those souls who attempted to adopt me, they were too frail to be around me and each family would gradually wither until they were husks of dust. For a long time the districts were gripped by a fear that there was some Hollow serial killer on the loose.”
Ichigo listened quietly, stealing one of Aizen’s hands to hold and stroke.
“As a result, I hid myself away in caves and lived like a wild animal… never have I wished to die but I did want to cease whatever it was that made my existence so fatal and impossible to bear. During that time, I figured out a way to suppress my reiatsu both by holding it in and using these,” he tilted his glasses so that the frames gleamed in the candlelight, “To make myself more tolerable to the world around me.”
“But, forcing a square to fit into a triangle shaped hole is painful and it made me question the way of the world – a feeling that would return when I crafted the Hōgyoku and realised just how ridiculous this world is… again, I did not want death but I did want solace.”
“Oh…” Ichigo frowned as an ache of sadness and longing washed through him like a bitter tide; he wanted to soothe that painfulness, and give him a world where he could be without feeling discomfort or suppression. Aizen did not deserve to be caged in his own skin like an animal, “I won’t say I’m sorry, I know that’s pointless, but… I will say that we’re going to make a better world,” he lifted Aizen’s hand to his lips and kissed the back.
The brunette smiled and leaned down to kiss Ichigo’s lips, “Yes. We will,” he left the words ‘for both of us’ unspoken – but increasingly he felt them.
