“I should call her,” David huffed as his hand ghosted over the phone.
“Then why aren’t you?” Paul asked, smoking a cigarette.
“I should call her…” He repeated. “I should call her… but it’s past seven o’clock. What if she’s asleep?”
“Do you hear yourself?” Paul asked. “It’s seven! There’s no way she’s asleep.” Paul inhaled smoke.
“Yeah, but (Y/N) doesn’t seem like the type of girl to sit around and wait for a guy to call. She probably won’t be there to answer.”
“Then leave a message.” Paul took a drag and blew out smoke. “Or go give her a visit, I dunno.”
“Paul!” David practically gasped. “I can’t just go over to a girl’s house uninvited. I'm not a heathen!”
Paul snorted. “Dude, we eat people.”
“So? You know I once scored a princess with my charms and good manners—“
Paul quickly cut him off before David could go on a long ramble. One Paul had definitely heard before. “—Yeah, yeah, the Russian chick, I know. I know.” David rolled his eyes.
“Look,” Paul took another drag. “All I’m saying is, it isn’t 1954 anymore, man! You don’t have to be begging for this girl’s attention. Trying to act all innocent and impress her folks and befriend her father. You can just, call and leave a message saying you want her to come over to fuck.”
David frowned, “You don’t get it… I knew I should have brought Dwayne with me. He’s a romantic. He would understand.”
Paul threw his cigarette butt on the ground and stomped it out. “Hey, man! Out of the two of us, I’ve gotten more pussy this week than Dwayne. Dude’s been bitchless lately!”
“Yet you’re being useless right now,” David complained. “So shut up.”
“Fine, fine whatever. Call your girlfriend or whatever. When you freeze up after two words I won’t be here to help you ‘woo her’ or whatever.” Paul stepped away to smoke more, while David made his phone call.
He slowly spun the wheel of the rotary dial, each number going in one at a time. He was nervous and didn’t want to mess up.
David brought the phone up to his ear and listened to the ringing as he waited for her to pick up.
Ring.
David thought about what she might be doing. Maybe she was reading one of her little romance novels that got her all flustered when he walked into the room.
Ring.
Maybe she ran a bubble bath and was using an expensive soap. Rubbing it all over her body… she would smell nice, and David would have to try his hardest to not try and immediately sink his teeth into her skin.
Ring.
Maybe she was watching an old movie. One about some poor little Maiden being snatched up by a handsome monster of some kind. Maybe she was—
Ri—Beep! Beep! Beep!
The loud beeps of the receiver brought David out of his daydreams. He huffed and hung up the phone.
“She didn’t answer.”
“Okay?” Paul was unsure what David wanted from him.
“What do I do?”
“I dunno, man,” Paul shrugged. “Did she say she’d be busy tonight?”
“No.”
“Okay…” Paul tried really hard to think of something. “Maybe she’s working… we could go visit her.”
“She’s not. She told me she was off tonight.”
“Well, I dunno. If you don’t want to go to her house and see if she’s home, we can’t really do anything. Maybe call again.”
“I can’t seem needy!” David whined.
“Literally, dude, what do you want from me?”
“Some help,” David stated like it was the most obvious thing ever. “But clearly you don’t know what to do.”
“Sorry. Soulmates and serious shit aren’t my strong suit. You know that.”
“Yeah, but I figured you would know something. You flirt with everyone you see.”
Paul shook his head, weakly denying David’s claims. “This girl has got you practically wrapped around her finger! This is embarrassing for you.”
David crossed his arms and glared at Paul. “At least I’m not saying the wrong name during sex!”
Paul put his hands on his hips, “It was an accident!”
David stole the cigarette right from Paul’s fingers and took a drag. “It was embarrassing. That’s what it was.”
“I don’t care. Marko ate them a week later anyways.”
“Yeah, 'cause you begged him too.”
“Shut up!” Paul tried to grab the cigarette back from David, but he swatted him off.
“You shut up!”
“No, you shut up!”
“Paul!”
“David! Hi!” Both the blondes froze and looked at the person who walked over.
David quickly regained composure and pretended as if nothing happened. Paul did the same, coughing, trying to clear his throat.
“Hey, sweetheart,” David was playing it cool as if his last twenty minutes of mooning over this woman didn’t just happen. “What are you doing here?”
“I had to stop by the video store and return my movies. I spotted Dwayne, and he said you were over here.”
David could not focus on a thing she said. Instead, he just stared at her. His eyes turned into little hearts, his mind focusing on how the moonlight and the neon signs of the boardwalk made her glow. How her big smile made his dead heart beat again, and how she spoke with such kindness to him. David was a killer, and as pretty as he was, people were not nice to him.
“Dude,” Paul elbowed him.
“Sorry, what? I zoned out,” David lied.
“I just asked if you wanted to go get something to eat,” (Y/N) said.
“The lady is telling me to get lost!” Paul jokingly put his hands on his chest and faked disgust.
(Y/N) laughed, “I am not! Go and find your other boyfriends and see what they’re doing. I’m sure you’ll have fun. Come on, David,” She held out her hand for him to take.
David dropped his cigarette and stomped it out with his boot, quickly taking (Y/N)’s hand and letting her drag him off further on the boardwalk.
“So what have you been up to tonight, Princess?” David asked, wrapping an arm around (Y/N) as they walked off.
“Okay, leave without saying goodbye,” Paul said to himself, somewhat joking. “I see how it is!” He eyed his cigarette, the one David threw on the ground.
“Can I…” He squinted his eyes at the butt. “Nah...” He deemed it unsalvageable. “I’ll just have another one.”
Paul patted his pockets trying to find his pack of cigarettes. “Ugh, come on–” He pulled it out and opened it up. “Are you serious?!”
from my sources adjacent to tumblr--from which i can spread rumors and insider information freely because i dont give a fuck about ever working in the tech sector--im hearing this round of firings was focused on purging the senior staff, and not just from support but from the entire remaining tumblr workforce. i'm hearing there are about 25 people left.
Summary: After accidentally mistaking Batman as a criminal and spraying him with pepper spray, you both have seemed to form a friendship.
꒷꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒷꒦꒷︶꒷꒷꒦꒷︶꒦ ͘ ˖ ⊹
Warnings: Pepper spray, mention of Gotham being dangerous.
꒷꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒷꒦꒷︶꒷꒷꒦꒷︶꒦ ͘ ˖ ⊹
Word count: 1.5k
꒷꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒷꒦꒷︶꒷꒷꒦꒷︶꒦ ͘ ˖ ⊹
[ Masterlist ]
꒷꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒷꒦꒷︶꒷꒷꒦꒷︶꒦ ͘ ˖ ⊹
꒷꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒷꒦꒷︶꒷꒷꒦꒷︶꒦ ͘ ˖ ⊹
Bruce has no idea how he got himself into this situation. Or rather... This habit.
It all started on that faithful night.
Walking alone at night in Gotham was like an one way ticket to heaven. A death wish, as some may say.
You sighed, looking around anxiously as you tried to walk as fast as you could. Every flicker of the night light, every random sound was making you jump in terror. You were half convinced that this was going to be your last day on earth.
You were just about to walk past an alley when you saw a shadowy figure stand menacingly at the entrance. The lights were flickering as the lamp above seemed to be surviving off of the happiness of the citizens of Gotham. Obviously, there wasn't much life left in it.
Red alarms started to go off in your head as the figure slowly started to move towards you. The heavy sound of its boot hitting the ground, the sound of your quickened heartbeat, the sound of the pained hissed that left the shadowy figure- Wait... Pained hiss?
It was only then you realised that you had sprayed the shadowy figure, Batman, with the pepper spray you were clutching while walking.
You gasped, staring at Batman in shock. He was hissing at the sudden attack, one of his eye half opened as he stared directly at you.
'I am so dead.'
Your eyes were wide before you shakingly reached into your purse, pulling out a small water bottle as you handed it to him, "I am so sorry! I thought you were some... Some criminal! Oh my- Splash this in your eyes! I am so sorry!" Half of the words sounded like nonsense due to how fast you were speaking.
He reluctaningly grabbed the water, splashing some water into his eyes as the affect of the spray started to subdue.
For a minute or two, nobody said anything as you both just stared at each other.
"What are you doing outside at this hour?"
"I am so sorry!"
Both of you decided to speak at the same time, which made none of you understand what the other person said.
"Come again?"
"I didn't hear-"
And it happened again.
"Speak."
"I am sorry-"
And again.
Finally, Batman seemed to have enough of it as he just stared at you broodingly, making you shut your mouth from fear.
"Why are you out at such an hour?"
You paused at his question, looking at him sheepishly, "Uh... Nightshift..."
Your answer made him raise an eyebrow which you didn't see because of his mask, "You shouldn't walk alone in the streets of Gotham with only a pepper spray as a weapon."
You nodded, looking at the ground as you suddenly felt like a child getting scolded by your parent.
Batman sighed as he stared at your figure, he can't just let you walk around at such an hour. Especially when it looked like you had the survival skills of a limbless cockroach.
"I will walk you home. Lead the way."
And that's how everything started.
"You haven't been paying attention to what I have been yapping about, have you?" You deadpanned, staring at him as he spaced out.
This made Batman blink, coming out of his chain of thoughts as he stared at the bowl of cereal you passed to him.
"Eat."
He blinked again, glancing at you in slight confusion before he started to eat.
He doesn't remember how this became a... Thing. It started out as occasionally walking you home from your nightshifts, then it shifted to him being injured after a rather brutal fight with a criminal near your apartment complex which made you usher him to your house for some patching up and now it has become a habit of Batman to swing by your window every once in a while, whenever he knew you would be awake or knew you had a day off.
You have come out of your shell fully, and now he knows you as the sassy and playful girl he once saved instead of the scared and timided girl.
"Eat up! You look like you have been starving since the dark ages, Mr. Dark knight." He let out an amused grunt at your words, rolling his eyes as he ate the cereal.
It was a comical scene, having him sit in your kitchen in his Batsuit while you lectured him about his poor eating habits in your pastel night gown.
You were an amusing person, a dramatic display of playfulness and sarcasm was always expected from you. Batman has seemed to grow fond of you and your shared time spent together over the past few months as he found himself looking forward to these meet-ups.
He has heard it all, from how much you dislike your job to how much you loved visiting animal sanctuaries to how you once crashed your friend's bicycle into different objects all under 15 minutes.
All these little stories would make him smile slightly while he worked in his Batcave. Alfred has heard all about you as well, the butler seemed to have grown fond of you as well despite nevet meeting you.
He glanced at you, watching you move around the kitchen as you washed the dishes. A thought passed through his mind.
He could help you.
Imagining him, Batman, helping you wash the dishes in his Batsuit. That would certainly be something you would die laughing at.
He shook his head slightly at the thought, focusing on eating the cereal you had given him.
"So, when are you going to leave your shitty job?" That made you look at him, slightly taken aback by his sudden question.
"Oh... Um... When I find a job that pays the same or more...?"
There it was again. The same answer you always give him. At first, he used to get irritated by your answer but now he understands your point. He knows the financial struggle you have gone through as a child, which has made you very anxious about having no job. All his attempts to help you fell on deaf ears as you firmly stated that you do not want money from your struggling vigilante friend.
He still has no idea why you think he is a struggling vigilante.
Does he look broke to you?
He sighed, glancing at the clock as he saw what time it was. The sun was about to rise.
"Do you have a day-off tomorrow or another night shift?"
You looked up from the dishes, glancing at him, "I have a day-off."
He nodded, walking up the sink to wash his bowl as you stepped aside to make space for him.
This is starting to feel oddly domestic.
"You should head to bed then." This earned a giggle from you as you looked at him with an amused expression.
"Aww, are you worried about my health?" You cooed jokingly as you leaned against the counter.
"You work at odd hours. From 8 pm till 3:45 am, it has to be one of the most ridiculous work hours I have ever heard of." He mumbled, scrubbing the bowl as he pretended to be annoyed at your playful behaviour.
You hummed, nodding your head in agreement before a small yawn escaped you, making Batman give you a 'I told you so' look behind his mask.
"See? You should head to bed." He grumbled, drying the bowl before putting it in its place.
"Alright, alright, I'll head to bed. Just make sure that whenever you leave, you close the window." He nodded as he watched you walked towards your bedroom, stretching as you glanced back at him.
He still has no idea how this has become something so normal to both of you that you just let him stay in your house while you sleep and he knows exactly where the bowl goes in the cupboard.
Bruce sighed as he flipped through the documents and files of the new Wayne enterprise project, his eyes narrowed as the sunlight from outside was starting to bother him. He could almost feel a headache coming in.
It has been weeks since he last saw you, he has been busy with his duties as a vigilante and the owner of the Wayne enterprise to the point he could barely find the time to visit you. Thankfully, you have left your old job for good so he knows that you are at least not walking around the dangerous streets of Gotham at night.
But he still can't help but feel worried about your financial state, to the point that he has voiced it out to Alfred a few times.
He sighed again, glancing at the door as he heard a knock.
"Come in!"
His eyes widened as he stared as you walked in, his new secretary.
Suddenly, everything makes sense. Alfred suddenly pestering him to appoint a new secretary, Alfred going out of his way to personal find him a new secretary. Everything is starting to make sense.
The friend who tipped me off to this said he hasn't seen anyone else talking about it so here's the elaboration.
Georgia added an online portal that lets you cancel other people's voter registrations if you have all the requisite personal information (like the stuff that keeps getting leaked in massive data breaches).
Supposedly this was so people could cancel the registrations of dead relatives, but like. There's apparently no requirement to prove that the person is dead.
NAACP President & CEO: “We will continue to utilize all of the tools at our disposal to advance Black votes and ensure Black voices are hear
An army of conservative activists is poring over state voter lists in search of registration errors that can be used to file what are known
Here is an article about the topic, focusing on one singular woman's crusade to challenge people's eligibility to vote, particularly targeting the homeless population (she also claims that she does nit have racist intentions but most of her targets are black).
The law allows challenges that threaten to disenfranchise voters and distract election workers from doing their job.
Here is also a Brennan Center article on the topic. The law also makes it so people have to go in person to defend their right to vote if the Board of Elections approves the challenge to your registration (the law indicated what things sound as sufficiant informtaition to warrant an in persom hearing and some of it is known to be unreliable) . It is important to note that they have been denying a lot of the challenges because they are based on little to no real evidence. Even so, these floods of voter challenges from random citizens about other random citizens is a total drain on elections judges resources and make it a lot harder for the Board of Elections to actually do their job
Check your voter registration often, especially as we approach the general election because people are trying to take away your right to vote and it is important that we do not let them
shocked that i haven’t seen a post about this already but the way that “full body deodorant” is being pushed on us is so vile. that woman in the commercials being like “i’m a woman and i know how it feels to be ashamed of your body’s natural odors. that’s why i invented this shit to rub between your thighs so you, too, can feel ashamed of your body’s natural odors. unless you buy my product :)” die die die die kill yourself fuck you fuck you
the people in my grandparents’ generation who were marketed baby powder to keep their pussies dry and odorless and got fucking cancer from it are rolling in their graves rn. please stop i’m begging you just let your body do its thing i promise hey. look at me. i promise you don’t smell bad. no one can smell you. and if they can, i promise they will be fine. please i’m begging
if i take a girl’s underwear off and smell chemical imitation lavender or rose or whatever instead of sweat and musk and girlstink the way god intended i’m burning down a cvs
to be clear this isn’t just about ppl with vaginas and it’s not just about genitalia. stop putting this shit on your feet, your thighs, your chest, etc. stop letting companies who see you as nothing more than an easily manipulated sack of money convince you that you’re gross because you don’t naturally secrete coconut and vanilla from your pores
