Let’s Be Real

Truthful, vulnerable conversations that draw us closer to God.

[kwalter16]

Self-care is hard for me. Anyone else?

I’m not generous with myself. I even have trouble buying myself things that are necessary. And let me say, I’m all about being frugal, but to the point where I can’t even function correctly is not healthy.

So about two years ago I felt like God was challenging me to be more generous with myself. It was small things, like buying new socks, or getting my hair cut. Every single time I would spend any money on myself I would feel terrible. But can I tell you what else happened? God would bless us financially. It was like he was saying, it’s ok to take care of myself.

At the beginning of this year I really wanted to move, to get a fresh start in a home. Covid-19 changed things for us and I found myself looking at my home and wanting to make it more enjoyable for us. Shawn and I will be married for 12 years this month and we have mostly hand-me-down/garage sale furniture. Nothing matches and some things were falling apart. We decided to go for it and make the changes to our home. This was difficult yet again because of this belief that God was not going to provide for us or that somehow I was being selfish for doing this. Instead, I felt like God poured out on us so much during this season with sales, coupons, free stuff, discounts, etc. I literally could go on and on about how God was in all the changes/details for our home.

It might seem weird, right? Why would God care about this? (I would think this if I was reading this post). Here’s why I believe this is important.

God is generous and so I should be too- I learned that the same stingy attitude I had with myself, I had with others as well. God showed me that if I’m not going to be generous with myself, then I’ll never learn to be generous with others the way He wants me to. Not understanding God’s generosity kept me from stepping out in faith believing that God will take care of me, no matter what He is asking me to do. I was withholding, even my gifts because I didn’t believe God would come through for me.  This idea seeped into all areas of my life, not just physical things but spiritual things as well.

I serve an abundant Father-He loves to see his children thriving and He loves to give good gifts to his children. I wasn’t living with this belief though. I instead hoarded and scraped because I believed I wouldn’t have enough. Essentially it was my pride that told me to only rely on myself and hoard so that I would have enough.

He’s uses everything to teach- When God asks me to do anything it’s because he wants to teach me something. He also wants to answer prayers I’ve been praying for a long time. I won’t go into detail, but there were so many prayers that were answered about my personality through this process. It may seem silly, but God taught me and showed me many things that I had been asking him about. God will use anything to show you his goodness and character.

So whatever God is asking you to do, go for it, I promise there will be blessing in it for you! 

[kwalter16]

I used to think I was so vulnerable. There were areas of my life that I held the door wide open for anyone to ask about. This was my way of covering up the hidden areas of my heart that I didn’t want anyone to see. 

I relate this to how I am when friends would come visit my home. I love hosting and I especially love when people feel so at home in my home that they will just go get something to eat or drink if they want. I don’t want anyone to feel restricted in any way. BUT if there’s a door shut and anyone goes near that door, I really want to shout, PLEASE DO NOT OPEN IT!!! I would constantly have an eye out for anyone who might accidentally venture into that area of the house. You see this is where I threw all the junk that was just lying around the house an hour before they arrived. If they went into this room they would truly see the real me, messy! I wanted people to think that my home was effortlessly clean all the time. 

I did the same in my relationships. I wanted people to think I was open and vulnerable, that I was good enough to be accepted as their friend. In reality, I was hiding the deep, ugly parts of me. I didn’t want anyone to open that door. 

I can say all of this now because I can look back and see that I was hiding. I didn’t know it at the time though. I thought I was doing pretty well in the area of vulnerability, but au contraire, I had no idea.  

Here’s what I am learning about something that is just as important as being vulnerable, it’s being honest with myself, and really telling myself how I feel about any situations I find myself in. I used to turn off my feelings. I would say, “oh I shouldn’t be thinking this”, or “that’s not what cool people would think”. And then I would move on, not really assessing the situation from an honest point of view. I didn’t let myself feel anything because it might not line up with everyone else. 

Living like this, I didn’t know where I began and other people ended. My likes and dislikes were so tangled up in other people’s opinions of me that I didn’t even take the time to feel anything. 

I know we hear it all the time, “Be yourself”, but when I would hear this, I would ask myself, who am I? I didn’t know because I didn’t really like who I was. I would look at myself and truly thought I had nothing to offer, so I might as well try to be like the people around me. 

I tried so hard ALL. THE. TIME.

Can I tell you how miserable it is to live this way? Living to please others is such a stressful way to live. I don’t recommend it!

So what changed in me? Honestly, I feel like God miraculously set me free from this. Maybe it was a slow change in me, but as I began really digging into God’s word and what it says about me, I started seeing that my life actually had value. I started to honestly ask myself how I felt about my life and what I thought God wanted me to do, not based on anyone else. He started to show me that He created me with purpose and until I could grab a hold of this, I would be stuck in a perpetual cycle of ups and downs with my identity. He showed me that the only one who was holding me back from truly experiencing the life I’ve always wanted was myself. The lies I believed, the idea that I was less than everyone else in the world, kept me from truly living. As I began to get set free from these lies, my eyes were open to the truth. God’s promises for my life are already stated in his word, but I have to believe them for them to have fruit in my life.  

Friends, can I implore you to believe this truth in your heart today. I pray that God would open your eyes to the truth that He created you specifically for a great purpose. Don’t let shame, guilt, your past, what people think of you, what you think of yourself hold you back. It does not matter what you’ve done or what you’ve been through God has something He wants to do through you. Think BIG, like real big. 

I know this verse gets quoted so often, but it really is a good reminder of what God wants for our lives.

Jeremiah 29:11, For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 

Believe it with your whole heart and find courage in your heart to be yourself. I’m nowhere near mastering this and have many days where I get sidetracked and worry about what others think. But each day I am seeking God and what he thinks of me, it gets easier and easier. 

[kwalter16]

Conquering Mountains

Difficult times are inevitable. No matter what season you’re currently in, you have either just conquered a mountain or there is one right in front of you.  These hard times are in our life to grow us. If you’re like me, you may tend to start controlling the situation to make it go your way, or you may even come up with ideas to escape the situation altogether by “fixing” it on your own. It’s easy for me to get overwhelmed and forget all that God has gotten me through. I will think things like, “what if this is the ONE time that God doesn’t come through?” 

I am reading through Number’s right now and got to chapter 13 and 14 which is the story of the 12 men Moses sent into the promise land to check it out.  Ten of the twelve men came back telling everyone how great the land was and how powerful the people were. They were convinced that they would not be able to conquer these people. 

The other two men, Caleb and Joshua had a different report, they were confident in their God to help them conquer this land. In Numbers 14:7-9 they say, “The land we traveled through and explored is a wonderful land! And if the Lord is pleased with us, he will bring us safely into that land and give it to us. It is a rich land flowing with milk and honey. Do not rebel against the Lord, and don’t be afraid of the poeple of the land. They are only helpless prey to us! They have no protection, but the Lord is with us! Don’t be afraid of them.”

What makes the difference between these two groups of people? How can we have faith like Caleb and Joshua when we face difficulty? 

The ten men who thought they couldn’t conquer this land were looking at their difficulty without remembering God’s faithfulness. What if they would have stoped and recounted all that God had done for them up to that point? Remembering how God rescued them from the Egypt, split the Red Sea so they could walk on dry ground to safty, feeding them in the desert, and taking care of them as they wondered? 

The difference with Caleb and Joshua was they were focused on God and all He could do for them! They were declaring His power and might and how they would conquer with God on their side. 

I tend to react more like the ten men and instead of remember all that God has done for me, I’ll look at my problem and get overwhelmed by it; thinking this situation will be the one thing that takes me down. Recently, I’ve been feeling the weight of hard times in my life. I began to feel hopeless, wondering if change will ever happen. I wonder if I will circle this mountain for the rest of my life? I started seeing all my human efforts and knew they would not help this situation. In the middle of my prayer for change and help, I felt God ask me to recount all that He has done for me; all the times he was faithful and came through for me. I didn’t want to, I didn’t “feel” it, but I did anyway and I’m not even lieing when I say, I immediately felt faith rise up inside of me. I encouraged my own heart by hearing the testimonies of what God has done for me. 

So if you are facing something difficult and you are losing hope, even if you don’t feel like it and even if it’s hard, I want you to recount all of God’s faithfulness. Remember all the times God has come through for you. Seriously, I want to you carve out some time to sit and declare God’s faithfulness outloud. Thank Him for all he has done for you!

Here’s what I am declaring today, 

Thank you for saving me from my past. Thank you for sending your Son to die on the cross so that I can live a life of freedom that I don’t deserve one bit, but you’ve given to me anyway. Thank you for your love that pursues me. Thank you for seeing me in every situation of my life. Thank you for seeing me in my hurt, in my pain. Thank you for your comfort that is like no other. Thank you for growth, even when it hurts. Thank you for your mind blowing patience in my life. You’re gotten me through some terribly hard season, losing my brother, losing my sister-in-law, my miscarriage, financial difficulty. You’ve always been there and there is not one time I can say you didn’t come through for me! You are faithful beyond words and I am blessed to be able to put ALL my hope in you. 

Friends, we are victorious in Christ! Let’s live like victors. Our heads held high, because we’ve already won! 

P.S. (Listening to Rita Springers “Battles” album is also a great way to get a boost of encouragement! I highly recommend it!) 

[kwalter16]

You don’t have to walk Alone

[kwalter16]

Walking In Freedom-part 2

I’ve been reading through Exodus and have noticed that many times when Moses and the Israelites are in desperate need of something they cry out to God and his response is usually asking them to do something. There’s some act of obedience that He wants them to follow to get what they’ve asked for. At first, I thought this was saying we have to earn what we get, but upon further meditation on these scriptures, I see that it is our partnership with the Lord that allows these requests to be answered.

The examples from Exodus,

The Red Sea (Ex. 14:16) - Moses had to raise his staff over the water so that the sea would part and they could walk through on dry ground.

The bitter water at Marah (Ex. 15:25)- Moses had to throw a piece of wood into the water in order for it to be drinkable.

Israelites defeat the Amalekites (Ex. 17:11)- Moses had to keep his arms raised for them to win the battle.

These are just a few of the examples I have read about Moses walking out in obedience to receive his answered prayer.

I think this also applies to our freedom in our life. I think too often we cry out to God for freedom in an area of our lives and yet see no change because we aren’t willing to do the hard work to see the change.

A non spiritual example that comes to mind is my physical fitness. If I ask God to make me fit and then sit back and wait, I’m probably not going to see any results. God has given me the ability and the means to get fit, but I have to do the hard work to see the results.

I know that’s a silly example, but I believe it’s the same with our freedom. God has given us all we need to walk out our freedom in our lives but we have to obey to see the results.

Please don’t hear me wrong, there’s nothing we can do to earn anything from God or our salvation. Jesus paid that price for us on the cross when He died in our place. But we do have a part to play when it comes to our requests to God. It’s a partnership with God as we abide in Him.

A lot of times this act of obedience is hard. It can feel like God is asking you to do something that is so excruciatingly painful, like confessing sin, or revisiting a painful memory, or forgiving someone who has hurt you. Although these things are very hard, God never asks us to do something to simply make us suffer. He knows that what He is asking us to do is for our benefit; that it will make us better in the end. He sees what is to come and when we walk in obedience he is sure to guide us to the abundant life He promised us.

So what is God asking you to do? I promise you won’t regret obeying him. Even if it’s hard.

As I write this, there are some hard things I have to do in my life to see the change I want. I’m right here beside you, championing you on. Let’s do it together? Let’s be brave together? Let’s do the hard things together? I want to jump in and trust that God is going to catch me and I’ll end up in a place that is beyond my imagination. I want to live the full life that God has called me to live!

[kwalter16]

God has more for us than we could ever think or imagine.

What do you really think about this statement? Do you truly believe it? Do you believe it for others, but not yourself? Are you like I once was, and think, in a different lifetime that might have been true, but (fill in the blank) disqualifies me from these abundant gifts that God speaks of in his word? Maybe you just don’t really know how much “more than we think or imagine” really looks like in your life.

I’ve been reading though Exodus and I’ve gotten to the part where Moses is on the mountain with God and God is telling him all the commands he has for the people. He breaks everything down in detail as to what and how everything should go. In chapter 29, God starts laying out the plans for the high priest and all that is required of them. He speaks of Aaron and tells Moses what Aaron needs to do and what he will do as the High priest. God uses present tense when he speaks of Aaron. He is saying “Aaron will lay hands on...”

Just a few short chapters later (32) we find out that Aaron helps the people build an idol to worship because the people have convinced him that they need a god to serve. He comes up with this idea to gather everyone’s gold and melt it down so they can make a golden calf. Not only that, but he then builds an alter in front of the calf (verse 5).

Do you think this surprised God? Do you think that He didn’t know this was happening the same time He was declaring all that Aaron would do for Him? God laid out his plans for Aaron, everything he could step into and nothing could stop that from happening. Not even this act of sin.

In those days, sin was atoned for through sacrificing an animal, but today Jesus has already died for our sins. He bore our iniquities (1 Peter 2:24), so that our sin doesn’t have to hold us back from what God has called us to. Our part is to confess, ask for forgiveness, and turn the other way (1 John 1:9).

What if Aaron would have said, “no God, you can’t use me because of my sin”? What if he refused to step into his calling because he felt disqualified. What if he allowed shame to come in and hold him back? Listen God already wrote Aaron’s story and nothing was going to stop that.

Friends, God has already written your story down, he’s given you gifts, he have plans already established for you. Will you walk in them? Or will you let sin, guilt, shame, and unforgiveness get in your way? He wants to see you living an abundant life (John 10:10)! This doesn’t mean it’s always easy BUT it will definitely be beyond your wildest imagination.

The truth is, God deeply knows us and our deep desires because he put them there. So he knows how to fulfill them in the most perfect way.

It’s a trade. You give him your sin, guilt, shame, doubt, fear, unforgiveness and he will hand you the sweetest treasures of your dreams.

Jesus already did the hard work for us by dying in the cross for our sins Let’s not waste our lives by allowing these earthly things to weigh us down. All we have to do is say “yes, Jesus” and humble ourselves by saying, we don’t deserve this freedom but we thank you for it!!

Galatians 5:1 says, “it is for freedom that Christ has set us free. God wants us to be free so that we are free!! He knows what we can do once we realize this truth. Walk in freedom friends!!

[kwalter16]

Be brave, go first!

[kwalter16]

I’m a 2, what are you?

I’m on a new journey of being more honest with myself. 

This has been difficult because I have always “gone with the flow”, or let others dictate my feelings and emotions to me.  If I was supposed to “feel” a certain way about a situation,  I would make sure I “felt” it perfectly, the way they would want me to feel.  I didn’t want to rock the boat and I definitely didn’t want to give a reason for someone to not like me.  I could mold myself into whoever I was with, to say the right things and do the right things that would make them “like” me. Ridiculous, right? Even as I write this, I am embarrassed by how I acted around others.  I always thought that if I acted a certain way, dressed a certain way, did things a certain way, that others would like me more. I was one of those girls who “tried too hard”. Oh man, and did I ever. Trying always left me feeling empty. I also made sure that I wasn’t needy in any way. I wanted to be the one who was the “hero” and gave and did things for people out of a need to be loved. I just couldn’t believe that anyone would truly love me for who I was. 

This past year when things really started changing for me, I was introduced to the Enneagram. This is a personality test. I’m a little obsessed with personality tests.  Here’s why the enneagram outshines all the other personality tests out there.  This test doesn’t let you stay where you are; it pushes you to change. It doesn’t give you excuses to be the bad parts of who the test says you are. No, it says this is something that you might be and here is how you can change it. 

 So I found out I am a 2 on the Enneagram, the helper and I listened to the chapter on 2s in the book “Road Back to You” by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile (I highly recommend this book). I cried. Tears of sadness. Tears of relief. Tears of joy.  A 2s deepest fear is that they are not lovable. I didn’t realize I acted the way I did because I was trying to earn people’s love. I look back on my life and can see this fear intertwined with so many events and relationships in my life.  

This was life-changing for me. 

Once I knew my driving fear and knew how unfounded it is, I was able to let go of that part of me that wanted to please people.  I was able to take God’s word and shine light on this fear I had been believing all my life.  I felt such freedom to be who God created me to be and not based on who other people wanted me to be. 

It is probably hard to grasp the magnitude of this freedom I found, but to help, I had a pretty consistent prayer growing up and it was that I would stop caring what people thought of me. Not in a way that was rebellious, but in a way that would allow me to be who I really wanted to be. There are so many things that I liked, and wanted to do, and wanted to be, but I held back because I knew that other people had certain expectation of who I was and so I let that define me. 

Of course, I have a long way to go, but I am finally doing and being the person that all my 32 years of living I’ve wanted to be.  Like the other day, I wore red lipstick. Ha! That is such a silly example, but I would have NEVER done such a thing before my new found freedom. I have wanted to wear red lipstick for years. So I did. 

Yes this all might sound so silly and petty, but I have only mentioned surface things so far. These truths have gone deep down into my soul and has changed how I now see myself as God’s child.  He doesn’t love me because of the things I do for him, he loves me for who He has created me to be. And He wants me to be just that, not someone who is acting like other people. I am loved by God. This foundational truth was missing in my life and by finding it, I am a new person.

For some of you, this may be a ‘duh’ moment, because it’s not something you struggle with, but would you take the enneagram test so that you too can find some freedom in who God has created you to be? Here is one of my favorite websites for the enneagram, 

http://www.yourenneagramcoach.com/

[kwalter16]

I’m living for the first time

I’m writing my new year’s resolutions. I only started doing this back in 2014 when I was prompted by a friend to make a list.  I somewhat reluctantly wrote one and then posted it on my fridge.  In my cynicism, I really had no hope of the list being accomplished. I knew myself and felt sure I would lose steam in a month or so.  To my astonishment, by the end of 2014, ALL of the things on my resolutions list were checked off.  Since then I’ve become a strong believer in these precious lists that seem to get accomplished each year.  This year (2017) is no exception.  In 2017, Shawn and I made our list together and I am able to check everything off my list again.  I don’t think there is anything magical about it.  I just think God knows if I have something posted which is reminding me of the good I need to accomplish then I will.  As Proverbs 29:18 says, “where there is no vision the people will perish.” I believe another way to say this would be, when you have vision for your life, you’ll live. 

This year God took my list and did exponentially more than I could have ever thought or imagined.  I had no idea all that would be accomplished.  Romans 5:3-5 says that when we suffer we will grow (in a nutshell).  I flew into 2017 with a weary soul.  Having a colicky baby, dealing with a broken relationship with someone I deeply loved, and feeling so defeated. Little did I know this was setting me up for some major growth. Each year our pastor gives a word that he believes is for the body of Soma.  This year his word was “Called out”. At first I wasn’t sure what this could mean, but braced myself for whatever it was He wanted to do. And what he did was beyond anything I could have imagined. 

In February, I went to see author and speaker Jennie Allen with a good friend of mine.  My colicky son and bad day almost kept me home, but I was determined to go.  I felt such anticipation that God was going to do something incredible in my life. I was sure God was going to download an amazing revelation from this speaker, but to my surprise it was the drive there that changed my life.  

I confessed sin to a friend.

Sin I have suggled with since I was six years old.  Sin that kept me in chains. Sin that ruled my life. Sin that would whisper to me daily that I wasn’t good enough. It would remind me why I couldn’t grow in the Lord or have any victory in my life. What was so amazing is she didn’t look at me in disgust. She didn’t tell me what a terrible person I was. No, she loved me and rejoiced in the freedom I would now experience.  James 5:16 was coming true before my very eyes.  I was confessing my sin and was being healed.  

God called me out of this terrible sin and called me into something that is so beautiful I get tears in my eyes just thinking about it.  He called me into a life of freedom. Into a community of incredible women who fully know me and who fully love me.  I was able to confess to other close friends of mine and its been such a healing experience for me.  I don’t have to “clean up” before being with my close friends.  I can be myself and am loved.  This atmosphere doesn’t lower the standard of God in my life, it raises it because of all that He has forgiven in my life. 

What a way to begin a year! I thought, if this is all God does in my life this year, it is far more than enough. But of course God is always working. He knew I needed this breakthrough to endure the rest of the year. 

When I finally confessed my hidden sin, it led me to be more vulnerable and I found myself opening up to people more than I ever had before. Most people who are vulnerable know that there are risks to this, but since I was new to it all, I soon learned that being vulneralbe means you have more potential for hurt. 

When you get hurt it means you’ll need to forgive.  

Forgiveness-God called me out on several relationships where I needed to exercise forgiveness.  If I don’t forgive, then God will not forgive me (Matthew 6:15). I’ve had some serious conversation with God this year about how hard relationships are and asked him if they were worth it.  I went from “relationships are everything” to “do I need relationships” in a matter of months. 

When Satan knows your growing he will do all he can to try to stop you. 

Not that I want to blame everything on the enemy. Lord knows I get myself into enough trouble all on my own, but this situation I felt that the enemy was coming against all the Lord accomplished in me this year. 

On top of everything else, my sister-in-law past away in July and I felt that my world was closing in on me.  There were so many questions I had that were left unanswered.  We didn’t end the greatest. But it didn’t matter, because she was gone. Just like that. Gone. I couldn’t say another thing. 

“The price of love is grief.” -Marilla Cuthbert (Anne with an E)

Oh how I’ve grieved (am still deeply grieving). The complexities of this situation are greater than my mind can comprehend. It forces me to trust the Lord and in His pure goodness and faithfulness. I’m so thankful that no matter what questions go unanswered, or confusion that grips me, I can always go back to the fact that God knows and He never disappoints. 

Hard relationships, my sister passing away, struggles-led me to pull away from people, my community, the same women who loved me so well.  I threw up my hands and said “it’s not worth it”. I knew deep down that this was not the answer. I knew that the answer was doing the exact opposite.  I needed to dig in, go deeper in relationships, ask for forgiveness, do the hard things.  I didn’t want to. 

“Courage isn’t a feeling that you wait for. Courage is doing it when you don’t have courage. Courage is doing it scared.” -Jill Briscoe

I love this quote from Jill Briscoe because it’s been so true in my life.  This year I’ve had to be brave in so many areas of my life. Confessing sin, forgiving someone, asking for forgiveness, confronting an issue, etc. I’m not trying to boast in any way in myself, because if it was all left up to me I would have turned away and said community, loving people, giving it my all, wasn’t worth it anymore. But by the grace of God in my life I’ve obeyed him and because of that I am reaping the rewards that He promises.  Giving me an abundant life that is more than I could have asked for.  

Can I encourage you to be brave and to let God use you in a way you never thought possible? It might not be comfortable and it may be hard, but when God calls you to do anything it’s always worth it.  My friend sent me this fitting quote by Christine Caine,

“No matter what has happened in your past, choose to give it your all: If you failed, have another go.

If you were hurt, bounce back.

If you were used, serve again.

If you were betrayed, trust again.

If you were disappointed, hope again.”

I want to always give it my all, no matter what I do. I don’t want to let sin, suffering, hurt, or hardship keep me from going all in. I want to surrender everything I am to Jesus because I know he can do far more with me than I can do all by myself.  May 2018 be the best year yet. 

Happy New Year friends! 

[kwalter16]

Lent 2017

I decided to observe lent this year as a way of preparing my heart to celebrate Passover; remembering all that God has done for me.  What I didn't realize is that God was about to do something incredible in my life.

This year's word for Soma Church was "Called out". When I first heard this I got a little scared and tried to avoid my own mind, heart, and soul for fear of what I might be called out on.  I did this subconsciously, not realizing I was avoiding my own sin.  I was listening to a podcast one day, and the guest speaker said that in preparation for lent, she asked God to show her the sin in her own life.  I thought, "what, she just confronted it head on, no avoidance there?" I decided to be brave and ask God the same question. (Let me just say, He was so faithful to do this). What happened in the following weeks has been absolutely life changing and I can say that I am not the same person I was before this journey started.  He was so faithful to show me my sin and you know what? He was so gentle and loving that it led me to climb out of the stupor I had been in and come into the light.  

For the longest time, I felt like I was stuck when it came to my relationship with God.  I wanted it to move forward, but I felt like there was a roadblock in my way.  I didn't confront this or even ask God because I was avoiding sin in my life, but I didn't know it was the sin that I was avoiding.  When I finally asked God to show me, it was such an amazing, difficult, hard, tiring, wonderful, thing that happened in my life.  It was like things started to move and change.  Things I had been praying for were happening. I was changing. There were strongholds that I had been dealing with almost all my life that was broken off of my life. Not because of anything I was doing either, but because I was willing to confess my sin and ask God to forgive me. 1 John 1:9 says, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." God forgave me and not only that he purified me from all of my unrighteousness, making me right with him. After asking God this brave question I felt immediately convicted about sin in my life.  I was reminded of James 5:16 "Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.  The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working". I needed to confess my sins. This is not an easy thing to do because of the perceived shame I thought I would endure, but I did it, I told some close friends in my life. Can I just say, I have never felt so much love and support during this season of my life?  Don't let Satan lie to you and tell you to not confess! It's so freeing and you'll feel like a new person.  

After I confessed my sins, God gave me a few pictures. I got a picture of me on a bike going uphill with a bunch of weights that I was pulling behind me.  I was moving forward but very slowly and with a lot of work.  Then he showed me that after I had confessed my sin, I was on that same bike and the weight had been cut off. Not only that but he gave my bike an engine.  The second picture he gave me was a picture of what my sin looked like to me.  I saw this big huge mountain before me and my fear of what others would think of me was ever before me.  After I confessed my sin, I saw that this big huge mountain wasn't a mountain at all but a shadow of something so small, I could almost flick it! Satan wants us to think that our sin is too big for us to handle or to deal with, but that is why Jesus came and died on the cross for our sins.  He did it to bring us freedom from our sin! We are forgiven and free.

This all started because a good friend of mine was willing to live in the light and she also confessed her sin to me. This started, what feels like, a tidal wave of change in my community. When God calls us to do the hard things, he does this because he knows the results will not only affect you but also those around you.  You may think that by keeping your sin hidden isn't hurting anyone but it really is.  You are keeping the body from experiencing all that God has created you to be.  The most amazing part about God asking you to live in the light is that He does it because He knows how much better we will be and feel and live.  It's for our benefit that He calls us out. He wants us to live that abundant life and the only way we can truly live like that is if we live in the light.    

If we want to see revival happen, it has to start with us. It starts with repentance in our own lives.  It's so incredible to see the way that God will work when we are courageous and live this way.  

[kwalter16]

Community

There are lots of thoughts bouncing around my head this past week, but the main theme of everything I’ve been hearing and reading has been about community. I have been fortunate to have been planted in an amazing community that accepts me, loves me, and pushes me to be a better person.  They have helped me grow, helped me heal, and helped restore dreams and hopes that I thought were lost.  

It’s so easy to get lost in this day and age and become just another face in the crowd.  We can have a false sense of security and community because we are always connected to social media. But there is something genuinely different about being with someone face to face and allowing them to hear your deep thoughts and they in turn, loving you and accepting you as you are.  That feeling of belonging is like no other.  

Why don’t we pursue community? I can tell you why, in the past, I did not pursue community.

I was afraid.

Fear

I still have to fight fear as I pursue community. The thoughts that still are lingering close by with each encounter with a friend is, what if they find out who I really am and don’t like me? What if I am rejected? What if I’m not enough? What if I am too much?

This week a lot of my plans fell through and my schedule did not go as planned. This left me home all week long with little to no interaction with people.  It was a tough week. I had to fight depression and thoughts of unworthiness. Thankfully the Lord always speaks to me through His word. He’s so faithful to speak directly to the issues that arise in my life as I pursue him.

So I am studying the book of Hebrews and found it very interesting how many verses talk about being with people and pursuing community. It reminded me not to neglect being with people.        

Hebrews 3:13 says, “You must warn each other every day, while it is still today, so that none of you will be deceived by sin and hardened against God.”

This verse has been proven true so often in my life through community. I have had so many people warn me of sin that could creep up in my life.  God used friends to speak truth that kept me from the pain and regret of sin.  When I am with people who are pursuing the Lord and living lives worthy of the calling, I am automatically reminded of His faithfulness. They don’t even need to directly point to my sin and say “get rid of that”. It’s just being around them and the Lord uses them to encourage and direct me. Hebrews 6:11-12a, "Our great desire is that you will keep on loving others as long as life lasts, in order to make certain that what you hope for will come true. Then you will not become spiritually dull and indifferent.”

Because others have loved me so well, I have healed and been renewed in so many areas of my life.  Love really does cover a multitude of sins. Being around these amazing people really has kept me from becoming spiritually dull and indifferent.     Hebrews 10:25, “And let us not neglect our meeting together. As some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.”

The Lord knows the importance of meeting together. He knows the restoration that can happen. This is why he commands us not to neglect it.

Healing and Growth

Can I tell you what a community can do for you personally? It heals, it restores, it helps you grow. Community heals because as an individual we need to hear that others are going through the same things we are. We aren’t alienated by our issues. Others have the same thoughts we have about our everyday life, about our struggles, about what we are going through. This takes away the lies that tell us we we are in this situation all alone. Community restores because when we are with people who truly love us and want what is best for us, they are going to encourage us and give us the advice and accountability we need!! They can lead us back to God and remind us of promises we may have forgotten about. Community helps us grow because God loves using people to speak to us. Not only can we pray for one another, we can also hear from God on our friends behalf. There are situations that we will go through that our community can help give wisdom on. This helps us apply what the bible tells us to do, which in turn grows us! Community can be messy at times and depending on how we handle these situations huge growth can happen in our lives, if we let it. This means the situations we deal with in community can all be used to grow us in our walk with the Lord. “Iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17.

Without being with people we aren’t fully able to do all that God wants us to do. We can’t isolate ourselves and expect to grow to our fullest potential in the Lord. We have to get into community.

Will it be messy? Yes. Will there be rejection? Yes. But I tell you, when you find those people who make you feel like you belong, those people who love you despite your failures, those people who would do anything for you. Oh what a feeling! I am near tears just thinking about these beautiful people who have touched my life and pushed me to be better. Don’t let the rejection of some people hold you back. I almost allowed rejection to keep me from pursuing people but I’m so glad I resisted and went after community, because I am a different person because of it.

So go do it! Find those people who will love you fully. Find those who will push you to be the best. Find those that allow you to belong. Your life will be changed.

[kwalter16]

Rejoice in suffering

I’ve been thinking a lot about suffering lately and how it affects our lives.  Depending on how you view your suffering or trial will determine it’s affect on your life.  If you are joyful (not meaning peppy and fake smiling, but being resolved in your heart that joy is found in our unchanging God), and accept the suffering or trial in your life, then you will definitely grow.  According to James 1:2, trials produce perseverance and who doesn’t want a little more perseverance.  On the other hand, you could face a trial with cynicism and anger.  This will only counter the work God wants to do in you.  I believe that growth can occur even if you face a trial in this manner, but it will painful and so slow and you’ll probably have to repeat trials over and over again.  

What got me started with all this suffering  was when I went running the other week.  I was running 3 miles (I hadn’t run in months), so of course I was in pain. God always reveals himself in nature and in our lives through the things we do everyday. He is always speaking to me when I am on a run or working out.  This time it got me thinking about pain.  As I neared the end of my run, my legs were burning, my lungs felt like no oxygen was making it there and I was clearly in pain.  But the pain wasn’t for nothing. There was purpose in it.  I was strengthening muscles and my heart.  It got me thinking, can we gain anything of value without suffering, without pain? Now, I am sure there’s things that can be learned during times of refreshing and growth  can occur, but for me personally, I usually grow the most in times of suffering.  

In addition to my run, I have also been reading Acts and I feel like the theme of the book is rejoice in suffering. The disciples suffered so much.  They were stoned, beaten, thrown in jail multiple times, but did it stop them? No! In Acts 5:41 it says, “the disciples rejoiced because they were counted worthy to suffer disgrace for the Name”. Wow. Their suffering produced a huge harvest for the kingdom.  People came to know Christ, people were healed, miracles followed them where ever they went.  God used their suffering for His glory.  He can do the same in us. In James, I was reading about rejoicing in suffering and read one commentary by Guzik and he said, “faith is tested through trials, not produced.  Trials reveal what faith we do have.” I know I probably already knew this fact in my mind but it just now made it to my heart. I guess I thought faith was built during those difficult times.  According to Romans 10:17 it says, “faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ.” So going back to my original train of thought, how do we have the same attitude as Christ and the disciples when they faced trials?  Get into God’s word. Study it. Let it be the very sustenance of life for you.  Let it sink in and do the work in needs to do.  It is active and alive (Hebrews 4:12). You can build your faith right now by studying God’s word.  

[kwalter16]

Our house transformed

It has been a little over a year since we bought our house and although it is not exactly where I would like it, there have been a lot of improvements I'd like to share thus far.  

Here is our living room before.  You can see the gross carpet. 

Here it is after

The kitchen is probably my favorite transformation. This is possibly because it required the most work. 

Here it is after.  I went bold with the color choice because I really liked it.  As I was painting it I kept telling Shawn that I wasn't sure about the color, but the end product was exactly what I wanted.  It may not stay like this forever but for now I am enjoying it! Excuse our messy refrigerator face.  I like to post everything on the fridge so I don't forget. 

Here is the dining room before.

Here is the after. The dining room table is probably one of my favorite pieces in the house.  We brought that back from Austin, TX last summer in our Pathfinder.  It was quite the accomplishment! 

The bedrooms are a work in progress so I will save those for another blog entry.  This transformation has definitely been slow.  Interior decorating is not my favorite, but thanks to Pinterest I am able to use other people's creative ideas to help decorate my home. 

[kwalter16]

Pickled Peppers

Shawn and I planted some peppers earlier this summer and have an over abundance of jalapeno, serrano, and habanero peppers. It's so fun tending a garden and watching plants grow, but then when we start to harvest all the fruit from our labor we are sometimes at a loss on what to do with all of it.  We decided to try our hand at pickling peppers.  We looked up several recipes but ended up combining several we had seen.  You could really google "how to pickle peppers" and find the recipe that best fits your tastes.  We wanted to keep it simple so here is what we did.   

Here are the ingredients we used. We also used sugar not pictured here. 

3/4 cup filtered water 3/4 cup apple cider vinegar 1 tsp. minced garlic 1 Tablespoon kosher salt 2 Tablespoons sugar We sprinkled some oregano in the pot not sure on the exact measurement. Jalapeno, serrano and habanero peppers.  I didn't count how many of each we had and I didn't measure them either.  So unfortunately I don't have an amount to tell you.  

First we chopped the peppers.  I used gloves to chop these because I knew my hands would be on fire if I didn't.  My nose burned as I was chopping the habaneros.  Not fun. 

After I chopped the peppers I added the water, vinegar, garlic, salt, sugar, and oregano to a sauce pan and brought it to a boil. Making sure the sugar and salt was fully dissolved. 

Once I brought it to a boil, I added the peppers and then removed it from the heat and let the peppers set for 10 minutes.  

After 10 minutes I used tongs to transfer the peppers to a jar and then filled them up with the brine.  

I love the beautiful colors!  It was so fun and seriously so easy.  Go pickle something!!! 

[kwalter16]

My First Whole 30

So I just finished my first whole 30 challenge and man was it hard for me.  I attribute the difficulty to many things.  First, I was not really prepared for it.  I researched it for one day and then the next day, without planning, I dove right in.  And yes, I did read over and over again, "make sure to be prepared before starting your first whole 30." My prideful heart and tough spirit said, "only sissy's need to prepare".  Well of course pride goes before a fall.  The first 10 days were so easy.  I felt like I was made to eat this way, but then day 11 hit and it all went downhill.  I craved something sweet and fruit was not satisfying my craving.  Do you ever have those moments when you crave something and NOTHING you eat will satisfy that craving unless you eat that one thing?  The past 20 days I craved chocolate, I just wanted one piece, but I couldn't have it.  It was pure torture.  

The second most difficult part was Shawn was eating all these amazing foods.   Let me explain how Shawn makes food. For example, if he is going to eat a sandwich he is not going to just throw some meat and cheese on some bread.  No, he is going to saute the meat with spices, add some bacon, toast the bread just right and fully melt the cheese, to make the most delicious sandwich ever.  I did endure this for the past 30 days.

Finally, I made this difficult for myself because I didn't clean out my cupboards before starting whole 30, so everywhere I looked there was food that I could not eat!   

With all of that being said, there are a few things I will do differently for my next whole 30. 

1. I will be prepared.  I will make a meal plan and mentally prepare my mind for what is to come.  

2. I will clean out my cupboards and refrigerator from anything not on the whole 30. 

3. I will kick Shawn out of the house for 30 days.  Haha just kidding. Maybe I can convince him to do it with me? Or maybe when i do step one it won't matter if Shawn is an amazing cook, making amazing meals.  

There were many benefits to doing whole 30, despite the difficulty.  Of course there would have to be some benefits if I would want to do it again.  I really did eat better which made me feel better. I have TMJ (lock jaw) and after a few days of being on whole 30 I noticed a huge difference in how it felt.  I no longer had the constant pain in my jaw. I also was having trouble with my shoulder, an old injuring that was provoked by having to hold Ella.  Like my jaw, my shoulder pain went away after a few days of being on whole 30. I do believe what we eat can affect our bodies so much. Another benefit, I made foods I never ate before.  It was so fun discovering new foods and new recipes.   

I did eat a lot of eggs for breakfast.  I will need to look up more breakfast options for next time. 

Here are beef tacos made on whole 30 approved tortillas.

My favorite find was naan,

I made a lot of other meals but didn't take pictures. 

Two things that did make whole 30 easier. First, Pinterest was so helpful. I was able to find so many good recipes. Here is my board with a lot of pins for good recipes for whole 30. Second, Shawn helped me so much.  In my times of weakness he was strong for me.  There was one night when he had to guard the freezer so I wouldn't eat my ice cream.  He encouraged me every day and told me I could do it.  I really wouldn't have made it through this without his encouragement.  

So what will I do now? I am going to try to eat as paleo as possible from here on out.  I am not going to be a 100% strict but as far as it depends on me I will eat this way.  I am changing the way I eat slowly by trying to eat organics and am looking into buying a cow with my sister-in-law, Christi and possibly getting some hens to have our own eggs. 

Oh and I can't forget to let you know what I made today when I woke up to break my whole 30.  It was soooo yummy and paleo.  Here's the recipe. You should try it!