& warm it was. kano’s never been one to embrace, to so tenderly envelop his noodle-like appendages around a torso, to, express a broad amount of frankness— it’s just not him. and, it’s not as if every last individual of whom (withstands) his presence sought it; a hug, an embrace, rosy affection to expectedly be gingerly showered in. he’s able to step back and, say, ‘smell the roses’. he can see himself from a narrow, narrow perspective and conclude that— if someone is to be held, — it shouldn’t be from his own hands, and that’s for the best. after-all, he’s a pretty despicable person, you know. tender care simply wasn’t for him! the thought of it is nearly nauseating, flickering images of a carmine muffler wrapped around three woeful children plaguing a psyche that’s ordinarily raucous.
forgive internal clamor && asperous memoirs.
he’s elated to have cognizance at all, isn’t he?
〔haha, he’s only kidding!〕
how astonishing it is, that the same mouth that proves to jest for more than it’s worth is clamped shut; those catty eyes of his mimicking the movement. sealed & fastened, the marvelous open book has finally come to it’s close. a shame it is, for the performance he shelters is practically an art, easily crowned the most revolting of his perjuries.
his jocular demeanor may deceive otherwise, but he plans to keep this quiet, an instant in their lives that no-one will hear of but the two; a subject even he wont plan to embarrass her of, to pick at her nerves and reward himself with a beet-red face.
‘… kido’s strange~’ hoarse chuckle departs, eyes navigating over toward the window behind her bed, that reveals a stygian starry night.
‘— first apologizing, and then thanking me… i feel like i’m getting special treatment!’ an idiotic grin to match an idiotic tone.
renovating semblance, adorning fearless front,
and cooking every meal.
righteous&almighty,
she takes the stance of
❝L E A D E R❞
through thick&thin.
if anything, she’s selfless.
「he was the selfish one.」
how long had they stood in each-other’s arms, a symphony of his soundless breathing and delicate whimpers of her own? he’s about to keep count before she propels him backward so softly, those digits of hers never seeming so frail upon his torso, and he quietly recalls a damsel adorned in palatial attire; ah, how drastic her transformation was. — but, kido was still tsubomi, no?
〈s l a p him later for referring to her with that name inwardly,
they’d already decided to drop their first names.〉
for anyone else, this situation would have deemed itself awkward in the aftertaste, tension sticky and words stirring. — and, understandably so, the event was raw & rare, one that kano himself seldom had the virtue of witnessing. ( although, may he add, all occasions are by CHANCE, he is no favored specimen. )
‘ah~ a promise, huh~’ and so he speaks, this voice of his own filling an empty void the silence has created in seconds. ( ʜᴏᴡ ꜱᴛɪʟʟ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀɪʀ ᴡᴀꜱ! ) it’s not long, moments— perhaps, before voice chimes forth again, glazed over in buoyant timbre.
‘sure, sure~ what is it?’
how lackadaisical he sounds! the question she limits herself to ask is, again, one of peculiar air— for it’s scarce that she will ever bid anyone worthy of making promises to, let alone someone infamous for pestiferous philosophy. sure, the two had been close— and suddenly so, one chance meeting at the orphanage begun a bond that has only grown in strength throughout each fleeting year. BUT EVEN FRIENDS knew, that he is painted red in a river of obsidian tint, that he is a (ʟɪᴀʀ) to his very core, and people like that shouldn’t be trusted.
¡ʇsnɹʇ ǝʌɹǝsǝp ʇ,upᴉp ʎǝɥʇ
&& it’s laborious to say he’s even somewhat aghast when hearing what said promise foretold. he’ll only permit mien to alter slightly, merely mimicking but an ounce of true emotions he may be holding within. ( are they sincere, though? )
— and his thoughts backtrace in seconds. instantly his mind will revolve around red scarves and forgotten promises, and a group of three left on their own to f e n d for themselves. maybe, he dares to wonder, if they weren’t granted such a satisfying high on happiness, maybe the downfall wouldn’t have torn such hopeful ambition to shreds, stumbling to put the cracked pieces back together. maybe, he’ll conclude, if promises didn’t exist, if they weren’t thrown out so heedlessly to enchant&placate the hearts of children; and, alternatively if the children weren’t so naive to latch onto such delicious words. ( warming the ears and soul, it takes a higher power to refuse, he knows: in this world, they are known as ‘adults.’ )
promises should not be made so freely, not when it’s something that cannot be assured, something that the threads of fate can’t reverse and steal from you in the blink of an eye. it’s something he is to walk on eggshells around, something that makes his blood still— and, something he can only hope to avoid. ( aah, but how far has ‘hoping' gotten anyone? ) how meddlesome, thoughts were. should he call himself lucky for rarely experiencing the sanguine part of them, at this point in time? allow him to absentmindedly wonder something that seto will only know, how it looks inside other people’s minds, and how they contrast in oppose to his own. though interesting, the thought was, he discards it immediately.
when his voice resounds, it’s after a matter of seconds, an oblivious demeanor littered as another one of the masks he may select from. the cheerful and carefree air his tone normally portrays doesn’t falter even now— how adept he is to deceit!
‘asking me to promise you something like that… eh,
isn’t that more of a demand, kido? really… how cruel!
i guess i have no choice, huh….. you have my word,
anyway.’
and how obnoxious he sounds! it’s nothing new, of course, it’s a term often applied to the jesting facade he’s chosen, and it’s much preferred over adjectives he’ll use to describe true feelings lurking somewhere inside psyche. ( — probably. ) grin is helpless(?) and features even look calm, carefree, nonchalant— perhaps so that maybe he’ll rub off on her in that sense.
‘but~ ehh, if kido’s lonely, she could just say so!’
words are convivial once more, seriousness is littered and he laughs; this facetious demeanor is ordinary and his own, though it is something he is not proud of: it is vastly more acceptable than the truth.
「in the end, though, the one “alone” is me.」
she gives weak punch to his arm, fingers flexing upon his structure-less words. he is so sickeningly decrypt towards everyone- especially her. appendages unwind like broken strings; jaw pounding with the fruitless plague drilling into her teeth. if only she had the strength to shove him away, run away & say she was only kidding. but her slurred speech fumbled & struggled to keep their composure in tact. but like the nameless heroes, the yearning is not fulfilled as her nose burns with the screams & displeasure of her personage throbbed into her skull. ' ----shut up. '
she hisses venom & smoke, eyes digging into his skin like daggers-... (can he ever take a hint, can he ever stop wearing that fake mask which hurts her too, even she knows the suffering of him.) the suffering of him inside. & she thinks she understands him, but she is wrong, & yet she is right. his mask which was established of the incident many months ago- the time where her sister & his has fallen to nothing but black ash.
& she could imagine her face- the incident. kano was the one who had witnessed her fall, fall to her death, & her bones popping off & blood splattering from her head. she thinks, she sketches her sister's face before she falls--- ( she's crying. ) the existence of that very mask- that very accident- that very day which changed their lives forever.
& she sees her disheveled face.
dewdrops clinging to dirtied cheeks.
she's making a fool of herself. falling down to her knees, breaking down- she admires at how well he was able to endure the mask's heavy beatings. why, she asks herself---why does he not show anyone--at how he does not take that mask. ' ...........................it's so tiring. ' she comments to herself. the labor she is forced to take after she abandons her femininity, she has such small desires to wear the skirts & dresses like other girls do, but she has to take the lead role of a leader--- someone who is far more tougher than her. & yet, she is given the role instead of kano or seto. & she stops sitting but walks to the other side of her room, stares outside the stained window. the outside breeze shoves her back.
& the thought of her conflicting with their threads & promises (many were broken back then, such childish thoughts recurring towards their thoughtless minds). the world where adults lived in were much more challenging than she had thought, their ignorant minds flickering around with such nettlesome behavior, callow personage. her lips twitch unwillingly, daunting teeth that once was now disappearing into the DNA of a thin line— it's not enough, she craves his scent, she craves his thoughtless words. she's turned into naught but impish devil, she's turning into a cannibal. she does not understand such feelings. ' i'm getting sick of this. it's- it's just. i can't take it anymore.... without her... i'm--- ' & fingers drag her hood over her bangs----- a nervous habit of hers.
an exasperated breath leaves her cracked lips, grey tongue halting against the top of her mouth. & her tastebuds clad with iron taint; her teeth had dug too deep into the flesh of her tongue. her big sister(s) had been her light in her life- they smiled at her when she cried.
but it looks like those days are gone.........
isn't that right?
at night her lungs are strained---- she wakes up with her chest puffing & huffing, it gets hard to breath. the dark matter clinging onto her sweaty skin at night. her cobwebbed lies--- she can never hide anything from him & him only-- it ticked her off, it aggravated her. her blood boils with every word he says, their all lies- she says, their poorly structured build. ' hey, kano--- ' she calls out his name, ' ---... is that a lie too?? ' & she puts it bluntly. stimulated glare is given towards tenacious eureka; uncanny resemblance to frequent criminal. cold eye yields upon tenuous physique — posture formal (it can be described as regal & refined; despite in the commoner clothing she wears) as she breathes naught but recumbent preach; she is much more ill-mannered to the being due to his impish design.
bony knuckles thrust into rough linen, lips cracking open & yet no movement is made as she clothes it back once more. coy expression; hard concern taped to empty face —' i can't believe anything you say anymore. honestly --- i don't want to believe you anymore. after 'that' happened, you... you. you changed-- if she saw us right now, do you think- do you think she would be happy?! ...i know i'm being selfish, but... ' & she vents towards him & lectures him. complicated feelings are mixed into a bittersweet cake. she knows. she couldn't understand the words of her sister, the wise quotes & stories she tells. she admires her, she loves her.
the ignorance of her- she regrets. she wishes that she was the one who wears the mask, she wishes that she could just soak up all of the tears kano had been holding back. fiery breath hisses out of dull lips, broken nails grasping onto the male's canary locks. & she wants to hugs him- but she can't. her lids close, static cowering around her vision. how complicated her life was. she wants to discard her feelings & suicidal thoughts. she wants to discard her responsibility. but it was already too late- her life was already ruined. ever since that day- that very day, her nightmare, her childhood had ended. she had no more room for laughing. it hurt. it hurt. she wanted to do it again, she does. but it can't be done again.
but there's a side inside her black heart. she indulges in her fear, her guilty pleasures. & she opens her dew-dropped eyes & turns away. fingers dig into thin arm. she hisses venom, black ink dripping down the tip of her grey tongue, brows draw together & show the sign of alert; her face who was once pale was now flush pink. ' kano, i'm giving you ten seconds- ten seconds to leave. '
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