Always By Your Side
We'll always wait for you Yesung~ Come back to us soon!
Love, Admins Lala and SB
You awoke to the annoying buzzing of your alarm clock. The sun had already risen; your room filled with bright, warm sunlight. But you couldn’t feel any irritation or fatigue. You couldn’t feel anything. Your mind was totally blank, not willing to take on the days’ emotions just yet.
You pulled yourself out of bed, dragging your lifeless limbs across the room to the calendar that hung on the wall. You placed an ‘X’ on today’s date -- May 5, 2013. You shifted your glance to the box immediately to its right. You read your messy, handwritten event out loud,
“May 6, 2013. Jongwoon’s enlistment date” you muttered.
Your eyes began to burn. Tears welled up and blurred your vision before spilling over and rolling down your cheeks. You lifted your arms up and wrapped them across your chest, trying to contain your breaking heart.
“This is our last day together…” you mumbled.
~~
You had been texting each other all day. Unfortunately he had a day full of schedules, fan events, formal announcements and other opportunities to give his thanks and promise his successful return. Even during this time he thought of others, he thought of his ELF that needed reassurance before his enlistment; he was one of the most selfless people you had ever met.
Between texts you had been cooking an elaborate meal for dinner. All his favourite dishes were there—fried kimchi, dak gang jung and endless side dishes. You set up the table perfectly and waited for him to come home.
You looked at the table to make sure everything looked good, when you shifted your attention to his empty chair. The petit table would feel so large and empty without him. Just thinking of sitting everyday with his empty chair…
A tear dropped from your eyes and temporarily stained the table cloth. You widened your eyes, trying desperately to bring the tears back; Jongwoon would be home soon, you wanted to give him a happy final night at home. You brought your hands to your face, desperately trying to wipe the tears away from your eyes without smudging your make up.
You heard the door creak, the light shuffling of feet entering the apartment.
“Jagiya?” you heard a low voice call from the other room.
“Pull yourself together!” you mumbled to yourself. You turned, your back facing the doorway of the kitchen. Whatever attempt you made at stopping your tears, the worse they became. Just hearing his voice made you feel unbearable; your heart felt constricted.
“Jagi…?” you heard, slightly louder than before.
You could feel his presence, without turning you knew he was standing in the doorway. You couldn’t face him. You were scared to look at him. Today you wanted to support him like he always supported you, but your uncontrollable emotions made you feel weak.
“I- I’m sorry…” you stuttered, your back still facing Jongwoon. “I just wanted everything to be --”
His sudden embrace interrupted you. His arms wrapped tightly around your waist; you felt his head against you, pressing against your upper back. You felt a blush come across your face as you held his hands that came across your front.
You turned slowly still in his grasp, finally coming face to face with him. You noticed his glossed eyes, his hazy expression and his slightly trembling lip. You weaved your fingers between his, gripping his hands firmly. You leaned your forehead against his, feeling his warm skin against yours.
You spent a few moments like this, completely still. Your tears had stopped, your shaking nerves ceased and you tried your hardest to relay strength and support to Jongwoon.
Jongwoon then raised his head slightly off of yours, turning to look at the table. His stomach growled, breaking the fragile silence that surrounded you. You heard him snicker before your laughter consumed you.
“I’m sorry! I haven’t eaten anything today! My stomach is very demanding” he laughed.
You covered your mouth as you laughed uncontrollably, new tears forming in your eyes.
“Sit down, sit down! I’ll warm everything up” you said, holding your stomach from laughter.
The two of you ate happily, smiling and laughing as the night progressed. It felt like a normal night; all the stress, anxiety, fear and sadness vanished. You were having a beautiful night with your boyfriend, filled with love.
~~
Time quickly flew; it was past midnight and you were both exhausted. As you crawled in bed with Jongwoon reality set in again- this was your last night together. Jongwoon felt your body stiffen, he noticed the dark blush that cascaded across your cheeks and chest.
He spread his arm out, inviting you to rest your head on it. You buried your face in his chest, trying to muffle the sounds of your tears. He held you close, leaving absolutely no space between you. You tangled your legs together with his under the blanket, your hips shyly leaning against his.
You felt your temperature rising as he gently kissed your forehead. You felt his chest rise and fall in a sigh.
“What am I going to do without you?” he whispered, his voice shaking.
You nuzzled your face deeper in his chest while he tightened his arms around you. Your mind was racing; there was so much you wanted to say to him but your throat felt clenched, your lungs unable to retain any air and your tongue numb.
Then, you heard him singing. His voice was low and unstable, shaky from his emotions; but he was singing to you. You soaked in his voice, his breathing. His warmth lulled your senses and his song relaxed your mind. You felt a calm that you hadn’t felt for months; you felt like you could finally breath as his calming melody filled the room.
Your eyes got cloudy, limbs became heavy. You couldn’t fight back your fatigue. You rested your head comfortably against Jongwoon, and let out whisper before falling asleep.
“I love you…”
~~
The moment finally arrived. You were standing amongst a crowd of ELFs and Clouds, watching the powerful vocalist remove his hat, say his thanks and make his promise of return. The loud cheers, the few sobs and the various, colourful signs of support made the entire scene a bit overwhelming.
You glanced at the gates that would hold your boyfriend for the next couple of years. Despite your hatred of them, you wished for the best; you hoped Jongwoon would be safe and taken care of.
The increased volume of cheers pulled your attention back to the platform where Jongwoon stood. It was time.
You watched him glance across the crowd of fans, trying his best to thank each and every one with a smile. He found you in the process and after a moment of anxious hesitation, flashed the biggest smile. You returned the smile, holding back soft tears.
“Jongwoon, I love you!” you screamed.
Jongwoon bowed and entered the base with an uncontrollable smile. You were so relieved. You took one more moment watching the gate before turning to leave. You looked up at the sky, hoping time would be good to the both of you.
As you walked to the bus stop you pulled out your mp3, put the ear buds in. You played “Waiting for You” and let his voice fill your heart. You knew everything was going to be okay, this wasn’t a goodbye.
“I’ll always be by your side” you whispered with a smile.
~Admin Lala~
