anon requested: for the prompts,,,, 17? I'm screaming
anon requested: Hey! I was wondering I could get a ben solo imagine with prompts 55, 15, 11. Maybe it takes place after the events of Rise of Skywalker (but in a scenario where Ben doesn’t die and comes back to the light side lol) and it takes place like a few months after the events of RoS and like you two were together before he become kylo ren and now you’re close friends after his return but aren’t really an official couple. With fluff near the end if that’s possible ? Thank you !!
a/n: i thought these both fit together really well and i didn’t know who to do for the first requested so i’ve combined them!!
warnings: slight mention of nsfw, 1364 words of fluff
Ben. His name bounced around your head, the thoughts and memories it brough back threatening to follow soon after. It had been years since you had seen him, since you had seen your best friend and boyfriend. You weren’t sure he was still the same person, still had the same feeling. But you could never stop thinking about him.
You weren’t force sensitive yourself, but you had grown up alongside him, your mothers knowing each other. He had always seemed different that the other people your age, and it wasn’t just him being able to use the force. He kept to himself a lot, although never shying from his strength and abilities, he never seemed to have many people surrounding him after the applause and marvel.
And that’s how you had become friends. You were obsessed with the idea of what existed outside your own planet. You thrived when Ben had taken you out one day, after a tough test (which you had failed, but so had Ben) out into the stars and into the unknown. Flying was beautiful to you, the freedom and grace of covering such distance and being able to disappear to wherever you wanted, the opportunities endless.
Things had only grown from there. He became your best friend first, helping you study, you helping him manage his internal battles, him holding you after arguments with your father. And then he had kissed you, in the rain cliche little fuck after a heart to heart as you tried to run away. And then he didn’t stop kissing you, every day, any time he could, holding you close to him, letting you in to his thoughts, keeping you safe.
Ben had become your everything. He was your comfort and your safety, and your home. You had never really felt settled on your own planet, in your own home, but with Ben you felt entirely you, and grounded.
Then he had gone away to train with his uncle. You knew he was destined for great things, to unleash the power he held, to become a great jedi knight. He came and visited you often, sending letters and never returning without some kind of homemade gift. and a whoole night of orgasms, we can’t forget ben isn’t as soft as he makes himself out to your mother, sweet talking her into thinking he was a gentle boy
But something had changed. Or something that had always been there was coming out. He was still your Ben, hyper and caring and witty, but his eyes, they were swimming and darker and sometimes so light they were almost yellow, and he was rougher, not just in his physique, but his mind. He was harsher when people made jokes to him, his anger burst out of him, no matter how much you could see him straining against it. And he wasn’t as open, he barely let you into his thoughts, let you know how he was feeling.
And then it happened. The night at the temple. The night you lost your Ben. Even if you weren’t force sensitive, you could always sort of feel him. Feel his laughter and smile in your head. He could reach out to you, wherever he was, and then all of a sudden you couldn’t. You became empty, lost, unsafe.
Years had passed since that night. You never wanted all the details, overheard bits here and there, but tried to distance yourself. You weren’t sure if you were just keeping on hoping Ben would come back to you, or that he hadn’t really done it, but regardless, you kept on. You helped with the resistance for Leia, you watched the reports on the first order sometimes, when you felt out of touch from the happenings in the galaxy. But you didn’t really care. And then there was the destroyed planets, and the new jedi girl, and Han was gone and all that you had pushed down before came out. You were keeping more tabs on what was happening, you stayed at the resistance base for weeks, helping on the scene, talking to Leia, but never going out there. You didn’t think you could ever trust yourself to be anywhere near him, knew even if you had the strength and power you could never hurt Ben, no matter what he did to you or your friends. Nothing could overrule the importance he still held to you.
And then everything went wrong. Rey was out there and so was he and everyone was dying. It was chaos. Absolute chaos. And all you could do was sit in your room thinking his name and thinking of his eyes.
And then you felt it. You felt him. Your throat felt like it was closing, your heart pounding and you sprang from your bed, running through the corridors to the hangar. He wouldn’t be here. He couldn’t, he wouldn’t be here.
And then those eyes. Those big beautiful swirling brown eyes met yours. And you froze. Ben. Your head screamed.
I’m here. Filled your head.
You approached him slowly. His head had bowed, his hands behind his back, shoulders slumped. He had lost, you could tell from his posture, you had seen it so many times after he lost duels before. Before.
And then you were in front of him, his eyes meeting yours, him still towering over you, even more now. His lip was between his teeth, a sharp red scar from his eyebrow to his throat glaring out at you. Rey. You knew.
“I thought you were dead. I couldn’t feel you anymore”
“I thought you were dead!” you exclaimed, and he looked confused.
“I mean Ben. I thought Ben was gone” those eyes reminded you he wasn’t. He never was.
It was hard at first, to adjust to him being back. To Ben being here again. Everyone else wasn’t so quick to trust him, to be around him, but you had only known Ben, had only fond memories of the floppy haired boy sitting across from you. Your eyes flicked over his features, taking in his beautiful face.
Ben looked up from his work, eyes meeting yours as your cheeks burned.
“You’re very distracting you know?” he chuckled, trying to carry on with his files.
“And I didn’t mean you looking. I can still hear your thoughts [y/n]”
You went redder than you had before. You got up, walking over from your place in the mess room, grabbing a new cup of caf and bumping into Poe.
“Oh kriff, sorry Poe!” you giggled, his hand resting on your arm as he steadied you.
“It’s okay [y/n], i know how clumsy you are, and I don’t think you’re gonna get let me forget” Poe winked before walking off with his own caf, disappearing into the corridor. You turned back towards Ben, seeing his eyes glued to you, and then flicking to the empty door where Poe had just gone.
“You’re jealous, aren’t you hmm?” you giggled, sitting back down beside Ben, your hand going to his hair to move a few stray pieces away from his eyes. Ben only grumbled in response, turning his head so you couldn’t see his own blush.
You sat there, thinking of all the times you had seen him blush. When you took his hand in your own to compare sizes, when you had kissed him back, when he told you he loved you. You loved him, you still did. You didn’t think he would anymore, didn’t know how much he had lost or hidden of himself as Kylo. You didn’t know...
“I love you.” his voice, deep and soft pulled you from your thoughts.
“I never stopped. Don’t let Rey tell you she pulled me from the light. I just wanted to feel this” he took his hand in yours, placing it against his cheek, “again.”
And his lips were on yours, ignoring anyone else around you because it didn’t matter. Nothing else mattered. You had your Ben back, your home, your world. He was here, in your hands, kissing you, holding you, loving you. That was all you would ever need.
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