Mended Hearts
☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆ .。.:*
A/N; I’ve been thinking about this fic a lot the last few days for some reason and decided I should go ahead and finish it after it’s been sitting for months lolol there’s just something about this trope that I really enjoy so I wanted to use it with Kylo 😗
Beginning of my Family AU
Summary; You fled the First Order when you found out you were pregnant. Now with a son of three years, Kylo Ren has finally found you again—and he’s going to bring you home.
Content; Angst to fluff, Supreme Leader Kylo, ex-general reader, Snoke being a problem, dad Kylo, being on the run, pregnancy, non-descriptive talk of birth, Force bonds, protective reader, Force sensitive reader, Force sensitive baby, lots of regret and anxiety, Kylo wants you back real bad, soft Kylo, domestic family stuff
Wc; 6.4k
☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆ .。.:*
The sun shines high in a lavender sky, wisps of white clouds trudging along in a soft breeze. The weather is mild, perfect for tending to your gardens. They stretch across the backyard of your tiny house, full of different seeds that you’d managed to get a hold of. The watering system you’d painstakingly set up has been doing its job, coaxing your plants into blooming and showing promising results. Some may be ready within the next week, you’d guess.
You straighten from where you’d been crouched in one of your more recent plots, dusting the dirt off your hands with a satisfied sigh. Maybe this could actually work. This backwater planet has provided you with more than you could ask for—the climate is livable, the soil fertile, and there’s abundant wildlife and resources strewn all over the surface. The planet wasn’t even graced with a name in any kind of navigation system, it’s simply a group of coordinates in the farthest reaches of the Outer Rim. Perfect for someone who’s so desperate to evade the First Order.
You look back towards your ramshackle house. You’d found it when you landed here, the dust coating every inch of the place suggesting it’d been abandoned for longer than you’d been alive. There was very little inside but an empty mattress, some shelves with five books left behind, miscellaneous furniture, and cookware. It was absolutely perfect for you. Well, you and your son, Cade. His third birthday was only two weeks ago and you can hardly believe it’s been so long. It still feels like just yesterday when you left your entire life and everything you’ve ever known behind.
Discovering you were pregnant was nothing easy to come to terms with. You’d been feeling ill, you thought that was all it was. You went to the med bay and they ran all the tests, the worst one coming back positive. You’d panicked, you’d felt your throat close and chest constrict.
Your first instinct was to get rid of it.
You couldn’t give up your training and position for this, you’d thought. You certainly couldn’t let the father know. You didn’t even want to imagine Kylo’s reaction and, in consequence, Snoke’s reaction. It’d made you throw up right on the floor of the med bay.
You knew it wouldn’t be long before something got out to somebody, so you’d had to make a quick decision. The more you’d thought about it, the more you realized that this was it. It was your ticket out, an open door, the final kick in the ass you needed. It was a strange promise of your life finally being able to change. You could start anew away from the war and terror with your child so long as you could escape.
You had little time to waste before Kylo discovered the reason for the distance you put between you. You’d strengthened the defenses of your mind, desperate to keep him out before he broke through them and found your secret, before he chained you to him forever. You knew Kylo deeply, you knew he could do nothing against Snoke, and you knew he would choose his master over you in a heartbeat despite it all. Kylo would deliver your child to Snoke on a silver platter if he was asked—you’d seen it.
You’d shared a bed with Kylo one final time that night following the news. Sleep wouldn’t find you, and the weight of his arm over your waist made you sick. You couldn’t possibly close your eyes when every time you did, the vision of a possible future flashed behind your lids. Your child, given readily to the cruel hands of Snoke. The cries of a baby, your baby, echoed relentlessly, the child forced to endure the same horrors both you and Kylo had faced. It wracked you with cold shivers, sweat beading at your hairline, your breath tight in your chest. You’d known what you needed to do because there was no other choice, and this was your last chance. You’d slipped from your shared room, you fled in the night, you stole a ship from the hangar and you never looked back.
You’d gutted the simple cargo ship immediately, ripping out the trackers and communication devices in an attempt to give yourself some leeway. You’d gone for as long as your fuel reserves would allow before having to dock on a populated planet. You’d traded your ship off for a more beaten-down looking transport that had been owned by a group of smugglers as soon as you could. The ragtag bunch had been eager to take the fresh, shiny First Order ship off your hands, and you were eager to be rid of the target it put on your back.
From there, you kept going until the swell of your stomach made it too difficult to hop from planet to planet, system to system. When Kylo discovered you were gone, discovered the true reason behind your disappearance, he was beyond furious. His emotions were so strong that you could feel them pulsing along the ever thinning bond you’d shared; you felt them so deeply they gave you a headache and made you more nauseous than you already were. Anything he tried to say to you was muted, so quiet you could barely make anything out. You closed him off with all the power you had, needing to keep him as far away as possible, not wishing to hear him or give him the opportunity to find you through the Force.
The only words you got from him came in snippets, combinations of please, I promise, and come back. All of it was meaningless, you’d never return with Snoke still around, his dark presence haunting you and your unborn child. Kylo knew this and still, he begged. The great Kylo Ren, begging you… it was almost unbelievable.
It took you a long, long time to stop hearing his voice in the back of your mind, to get rid of the incessant buzzing like he was no more than an annoying bug. You knew you wouldn’t be safe until you could cut him off, sever your connection entirely as if cleaving a rope with an axe. However, having an extremely Force sensitive child in your belly made that task exceedingly difficult. It meant you focused instead on running, and then on staying hidden once your wanted posters were plastered across every screen in the galaxy. Once those appeared, you became aware that it meant Snoke had taken hold of the situation, having grown tired of Kylo’s fruitless searching and instead extending the hunt to whoever wanted a handsome reward. The number printed below your picture made your eyes bulge.
So, at six months pregnant, you were on the run from the First Order, bounty hunters, and, as you would discover, the Resistance. They tried to capture you more than a few times, deciding that if you were wanted by the Order, then you must have good reason and good information. It was all a great pain in the ass and you were glad to have your lightsaber and a stolen blaster with you.
Exhaustion was all you knew when riddled with pains from your changing body, headaches from onslaughts through the Force, and always running on little to no sleep due to the constant need to be moving. You’d pushed yourself to keep going, motivated by the changing visions you’d seen. There was a steady, reassuring feeling of peace blooming throughout all of them, making you believe you were on the right path. Peace was all you’d wanted really, that and the ability to lay down and not worry about anything—not Snoke or the war or running away.
Time passed quicker than you could ever hope to control and you eventually had to settle on a watery planet, though the stay was brief. You’d taken shelter for the final month, a kind and gentle midwife named Apep there to help you through. You’d found her in a tiny village populated with a humanoid species that had gills on their necks and bluish green hues to their skin and webs between their fingers. You were more than lucky to speak their language.
Apep was happy to take you into her home, creating a safe space for you so you could finally rest. She saw plain as day the struggle that you had endured; the circles beneath your eyes, the fact you didn’t have enough weight on your bones, the stress-induced shivers that constantly plagued you. She worried over you like a mother hen, making sure you didn’t have to lift a single finger, all the while cursing the man that left you in such a suffering state. It caused you to laugh more than a few times because really, she had no idea.
That ninth month was the easiest you’d had since everything began, since you left behind everything you knew and jumped into the unknown, which is sure as hell saying something considering you had to give birth. It was one of the worst pains you’d ever experienced, Apep doing her best to coax you through it even as you screamed and sobbed. When your child, your son, was brought into the world with a piercing wail, you knew that something deep in the throes of the universe had shifted. You felt it so thoroughly all the way down to the depths of your soul; it was like you shifted with it. It confirmed that the child would be strong, stronger than you could ever hope, bringing you to name him Cade after your brother.
Your brother was the strongest man you’d known. He was the light in your darkness, he’d taught you everything that was important in life, and you knew in your heart that your son would follow in his footsteps. Just one look at his tiny, innocent face, and there was no doubt.
Apep was startled when you were ready to leave a week after the birth, but you couldn’t stay, not when you knew who would be hunting for Cade’s power. Kylo was back in the corners of your mind like a phantom, pawing desperately at the walls you put up, your connection flaring briefly because of the birth of your son. You’d ignored it, shut your eyes and blocked him out, strengthened those walls in your mind, and dampened Cade’s presence until Kylo was gone. You had to flee, and quickly.
Apep gave you as many supplies as she could, rattling off instructions and tips all the way to the ramp of your ship. You’d appreciated her deeply, her company and care was nice after spending so many months alone. You’d wanted to give her something in return, but she refused the credits you’d offered and told you to be safe instead. As you shot into the atmosphere, you only hoped Kylo showed her mercy when he inevitably found her planet.
With Cade secure against your chest in a sling you’d made, it left your hands free to pilot. You quickly lost track of how long you’d flown for, jumping to lightspeed as often as you could to bring the two of you even farther into the reaches of the stars.
Your life continued this way for almost two years. You would try and settle on a planet only to get discovered and then go on the run again, stuck in a brutally endless cycle. It made the galaxy seem unbearably small, like there was nowhere you could escape to. Cade grew all the meanwhile, faster than you could even blink. With soft black hair and gentle brown eyes, he resembled so much of his father that it took you time to get used to. It was a struggle to not feel a pang when you looked at your son. It made you sick with yourself, the conflicting emotions inside of you swirling together to the point of being nauseating. Emotions you couldn’t understand, and ones you spent nights agonizing over.
You felt so much guilt about it all. One day Cade was saying his first words on one planet and then taking his first steps on another. It felt he had no place to truly grow, and you had nothing to hang on to. You knew you needed somewhere permanent, somewhere your son could grow up in peace and where you could rest for more than two hours per night.
You finally found your current residence after three months of searching. You dove as far into the Outer Rim as you could, looking across planets for something that would work. When yours appeared in the navigator, you took it immediately. Finding the ramshackle little house on the surface was a small blessing, and you’ve happily made your home inside it with what little belongings you have.
It’s been… nice on the planet. It was rough at first but living on the run for two years while pregnant and then with a newborn made you numb to that sort of thing. You used spare parts from the ship to spruce up the house, you ran diagnostics on the planet itself, making it easy to find everything you needed. You’ve made the very occasional trip off the surface to buy things at the nearest trader outpost but other than that, you and Cade dug your feet in and have stayed here for nearly a year.
It’s why you’ve taken up gardening, hoping to make things more sustainable for yourself and your son. Looking at your blossoming plants, you can’t help but smile for the first time in ages, pride burning in your chest at everything you’ve managed to accomplish, every trial you’ve overcome.
You’re turning and heading up the small hill leading back to the house when it hits you.
A cold shiver up your spine, a ringing in your ears, a tremble in the Force that has you running the rest of the way and bursting through the back door. Cade is still asleep in your room for his nap but you force him awake with hands pulling back the blankets, much to his dismay.
“Mama?” He murmurs drowsily, his usually big eyes squinted.
“It’s time to get up, baby, we have to go.” You say, trying to keep the panic from your voice. You’re already tying the sling across your body with practiced movements, having long since gotten used to the criss-cross patterns and adjusting it to Cade’s ever changing size.
He’s sitting up now, his little body hunched and lightly swaying from sleep. “Go where?”
You’re rifling through drawers, stuffing things into a bag. “Away from here. For good.”
“But I like it here!” He exclaims with alarm.
His words, his little voice, breaks your heart. You turn and crouch down in front of him, resting a warm hand on his round cheek. He instantly relaxes at your touch. “I know, baby, I know. But it isn’t safe here anymore.” You say gently. “We’ll find somewhere else, alright? This’ll be over soon, I promise.”
He nods along, never knowing anything else but to trust your word. You lift him into your arms and secure him in the sling, your body quickly adjusting to his added weight, his heartbeat pressed right against yours. You attach your lightsaber to your hip and throw more things haphazardly into your bag as you go through your home.
Wait. Please.
That deep, familiar voice that you haven’t heard in so long makes you freeze. It closes a fist around your lungs, keeping your breath lodged in your throat. It’s as if time paused in that split second it took for him to speak, muting the rest of the world around you so that it’s only him. Only Kylo.
Don’t leave.
“You make it hard not to.” You somehow manage to choke out between clenched teeth, ignoring the emotion that threatens to strangle you.
Snoke is dead. Killed on the day you brought our son into this world.
You nearly fall to your knees, each word a startling blow, your body stuttering and unsure of what to do. The only thing that keeps you upright is Cade’s startled cry and the dresser you cling to. Snoke is dead? That must’ve been why the Force had been so disturbed that day, why everything seemed like it had just gotten flipped on its head, a balance shifted. You nearly can’t believe it, you want to believe that he’s lying, but you feel it. You feel that absence in your soul, like a tumor that got ripped off, the whispering demon that lived in the back of your mind for most of your life now gone forever. You’d just been too distracted before to notice.
Come back to me. Let me see my family.
Kylo’s speech is short and laced with an undercurrent of urgency, like he’s scared that at any moment you’ll cut him off again and run even further from his reach. The fact that he was able to get past your defenses to properly speak is a testament to how much stronger he’s gotten in the Force. It scares you. He sits in your mind now with a foot wedged within your door, desperate to shove it open as you push and push against him. You’re still hiding Cade from him with you taking on the brunt of Kylo’s Force instead, all of it giving you a massive headache.
“How can I trust you again?” You roughly demand, your words sounding scratched.
Things have changed. I promise you. I will protect you both.
Kylo’s sincerity is so thick you can nearly taste it on your tongue. His desperation is palpable, and you know he’d be willing to do near anything just to have you not disappear again. After all, he’s been trying for the entirety of the last three years to connect to you, to bring you and your son back to him. It’s why you’ve been on constant alert, constant defense, constantly protecting yourself and Cade. You thought it was Snoke egging him on this whole time but perhaps you doubted the dark Knight more than he deserved. You run through scenarios in your mind with a tactical efficiency, trying to pinpoint where this could go and if it’s truly worth it. You think about being on the run again, of living your entire life like this, because you know Kylo is never going to let you go, not until he’s dead.
You rest your forehead against one of the outer panels of your ship, the metal blissfully cool on your sweaty face. You exist like that for a moment just breathing, thinking. Then a long, broken sigh escapes you.
“I’m so tired, Kylo.” You mutter, voice cracking more than you wanted it to. You can’t help it, your entire being is exhausted and utterly spent and if you have to keep going like this then you might just collapse.
Then come back to me. Please.
That sentence hangs like a weight between you. There’s a war happening inside of you, and you don’t know which side to be on. What if this is a trap? What if it’s all for nothing? What if Kylo’s truly no better than his master? Is this the right choice? Through it all you consider Cade, your baby boy without his father and living in a constant state of uncertainty. His tiny fists clenched in your shirt are just a reminder of that. You know that he’s tired too, tired of the running and the struggle. Your teeth grind together so hard they might shatter.
“Okay.”
The battered shields you’ve managed to keep up finally begin to lower as you open yourself to the Force in a way that you haven’t experienced for years. Emotions flood your senses, countless strings of thoughts tie together in your brain, and the galaxy itself finds its place at your fingertips once more. It’s so much that you nearly fall over, your weight slumping against your ship, one arm protectively around Cade and keeping him against your chest. You feel his confusion, you see the tears shining in the corners of his eyes because he’s still not quite able to grasp his own control of the Force, but he can sense it through you.
Kylo is at the forefront of it all, finally able to settle himself back into your mind where he believes he belongs. He ravages your memories like a hungry wolf, taking in everything he can get, all those moments with Cade, with his own son, that he missed. His feelings are so strong and so thick that they could choke you, flowing through you like they’re your own; his anger at himself for letting this happen, and at Snoke for scaring you off, and then his regret at having missed so much and not being there to protect you and your child, and if you dig a little deeper you’ll find the irritation that’s pointed towards you for keeping Cade from him in the first place. As if you had a damn choice.
Your location is snatched from you, and you know there’s no going back now. You don’t even have time to consider closing your mind back up and running because a sleek black ship exits lightspeed right above you, a stark contrast to the pretty lavender of the sky. You’re so drained it’s all you can do to watch as it descends, those sharp, familiar wings of the Command Shuttle angled upwards.
“Mama?” Cade’s impossibly small voice asks, attempting to turn his head to see what’s happening. You’ve barely told him anything of his father, the boy doesn’t even really understand that he’s missing one. You were always too busy protecting him from that same man, always too worried about ruining what fragile stability the three year old had.
“It’ll be okay, Cade. I’ll keep you safe.” You murmur, placing a soothing kiss on his forehead.
There’s a soft gust of wind as the Command Shuttle finds its place on the ground, the breath getting knocked from your lungs as each intake feels like not enough. There’s a click, and then white, depressurized air is being released from the vents of the ship as the ramp lowers. You hold Cade a little tighter when you finally see him, see Kylo standing there, not looking much different from the day you left.
His helmet is off, willingly bearing himself to you after all this time like he wants to prove something. His scar still stands as prominent as ever on the left side of his face, the black curls of his hair framing his jaw like Cade’s. Then, his eyes. You can see how tired they look from where you stand, so similar to your own, heavy dark circles beneath them. He’s spent every day and night looking for you, fighting for you to come back, and it has not been without consequence.
You still see the man that you used to call your lover, that you trained beside so many times, that you slept next to for years. The way he looks at you with something like a subtle fondness isn’t lost on you, and it makes your heart ache—just barely.
Kylo doesn’t move from his place on the ramp, letting you have the illusion of the choice to come to him. He cuts an intimidating figure in the darkness of his robes, his cape folding around his legs. He’s every bit the leader you remember him being, now even more so with Snoke gone. His lightsaber is still on his hip, the Force around him hanging dark and heavy, calling to you. You take one step, then another, and another, until your boots are echoing on the ramp up into the Command Shuttle. Kylo tracks your every move, his breath seeming to falter when you pass him, his eyes trailing downwards to your son. You still try to hide Cade with your body, but you know he’s looking at his father, wondering who he is, something between them snapping into place.
Your muscles are painfully tense as you carefully settle into one of the seats in the Shuttle, the familiar high-tech, sterile atmosphere of a First Order ship putting you on edge. Cade burrows himself a little deeper into your hold with a whimper, something you don’t blame him for—you’d do the same thing if you could.
“You don’t look good.” Kylo says bluntly as he walks by you to the cockpit, having already taken note of your thinned frame, the slight loss of color in your skin, the dimness of your eyes.
“You don’t either.” You bite back.
He ignores you as he settles into the pilot’s chair. “You both will be looked at by the medics when we return to the Steadfast.”
You blow a sigh through your nose, leaning back into your seat, gazing out of the viewport to the home that you’re leaving behind. The little house that you made into something of your own, the gardens you worked so hard to cultivate, the quiet peace of it all.
You’ll never see it again.
» ☆ «
You’re jolted awake by the rumbling of the Command Shuttle as it docks and slowly powers down. You hadn’t even realized you dozed off but it seems your bone-deep exhaustion got the better of you, and Cade too, your son’s face smushed against your chest in blissful sleep. Your movement disturbs him, Cade shifting in the sling with a grumpy noise of protest. It’s the second time today you’ve ruined his nap—how cruel of you.
Kylo stands before you, watching the two of you, his gaze again lingering on his son. On the hair so similar to his own, on the undeniable likeness of his little face, even down to the splatter of freckles. Kylo catches your narrowed eyes and looks away with a furrow of his brows, somehow biting back the urge to argue. You notice the helmet tucked beneath his arm, the red veins sealing the cracks in the black metal like it was at one point shattered. He slips it over his head like donning a piece of armor. “Let’s go. We’re home.”
Home. This feels like a mockery of that word; the First Order is no home that you’ve ever known. Still, you don't have any other option but to get up and follow him. Kylo keeps you close as the ramp lowers, his big body partially hiding you from the onlookers in the hangar, from the ones who recognize you and whisper and stare at the sling that you clutch. One flick of the finger from Kylo and they all shut up, their eyes averted, seemingly eager to go back to whatever menial task they were working on.
This place used to be your playground, you used to walk the halls and instill fear and respect, but now it leaves you feeling vulnerable, has you keeping yourself tucked close to Kylo’s side because deep down, you know he’d protect you and your son no matter what. You hate that it’s so reassuring.
He leads you through the winding length of the Steadfast until you reach the med bay, bringing you into a separate examination room full of different machines and supplies. Cade squirms in your hold, this whole place making him uneasy, all of it entirely new and bright and scary to a three year old. You can sense how terrified he is, you know Kylo can too, and you know he’s bitter that he can’t comfort his own son.
“Mama?” Cade says, so quiet you barely hear him.
“Yes, baby?” You respond, meeting his wide eyes.
“Who is that?” He asks, looking towards Kylo for just a moment, the Knight taking his helmet off and securing it again beneath his arm. You’d think Kylo would be offended that his son knows nothing of him, but all you feel from your newly reopened Force bond is a cold understanding, like he would’ve done the same.
You purse your lips, thinking of how to explain it. “You remember what I told you about daddies? How everybody has one?” You begin slowly. Cade nods. “Well, he’s… yours. This is your dad, Cade. His name is Kylo.”
Their eyes meet again for a brief moment, the color of them so similar. Then Cade is shrinking into you. “He’s scary, mama.”
You can’t help laughing, knowing that’s exactly what Kylo expected. Now it’s your turn to share a glance with him, one that has you aching again. “He’s not so bad when you get to know him.”
Before your son can disagree, the door to the room slides open, revealing a kind-faced, human doctor. She begins to talk about needing to run a few tests, making sure you and Cade are healthy, and then administering the vaccines you both need. You decide to go first, letting Cade watch as you do everything the doctor asks, letting her draw blood and then getting poked for the vaccines. You pretend to put on your brave face, trying to show your son that everything is just fine, because you know this next part won’t be easy for either of you. It’s made abundantly clear when you nearly kick the doctor when she tries to take Cade from you. You can’t let go of him. Who knows what could happen if you did?
The doctor is easygoing enough, relinquishing to let you hold a near-tears Cade in your lap. You’re sure the doctor’s behavior is partially influenced by Kylo standing menacingly in the corner, wordlessly saying just what will happen if she missteps. Cade begins to properly wail when she brings out the syringes, and the sound of it nearly breaks you. He clings to you desperately as you try to quiet him with soothing words, telling him it’ll be a small pinch for just a second, that you’re right here and it’ll be alright. He barely listens to you, of course, and it’s not until Kylo comes over that his cries lessen, suddenly more fascinated by the Knight than the scary doctor with the needle.
Kylo offers one of his gloved hands to Cade, silently showing him that he’s here, that he’ll be okay. You’re surprised when your son ends up taking it, his hand looking impossibly small in Kylo’s palm. There’s something shared between them, something within the Force that you aren’t privy to that calms Cade just enough for the doctor to take a small blood sample and give the boy his vaccines. You can sense the new bond that was forged, a small, budding thing between a son and his father that should’ve been made three years ago.
You hug Cade close when it’s all done. “See, that wasn’t so bad, huh? You did great.” You tell him with a kiss placed against his hair. His response is a sniffled grumble and his face buried into the crook of your neck.
You’re both glad to be out of there a few minutes later, with Kylo once again leading the way. You recognize the path to the sleeping quarters, and you have to admit you’ll be glad to be somewhere private and safe, where it’ll just be the three of you. Stormtroopers jump out of the way as you pass, some being brave enough to offer greetings to their Supreme Leader, though he pays them no mind. You reach Kylo’s room, the same one you used to sleep in a lifetime ago, and with a press of his palm to the sensor, you go inside.
Everything looks the same as you remember it, except for the newly installed child locks on all the cabinets and the untouched toys sitting in a box in the small living room. It’s like Kylo decided to read a couple documents on child basics and implement them in his living quarters, and then he’s been waiting for this, bringing his family back together, ever since.
“Get some rest. I have more work I need to finish. There’s clothing for both of you in our room.” Kylo tells you, not giving you a chance to respond before he’s putting his helmet back on and leaving, the hexagonal doors shutting tight behind him.
You stand there for a moment, trying to process this entire day, and finding you’re too spent. “Alright, let’s get washed up and go to bed, hm? Mama’s very tired.” You say to Cade, setting aside your bag of mismatched items from your old home and bringing him into the bathroom attached to the bedroom.
“Mama, where are we?” Cade asks while you get a bath ready.
“We’re in a big ship way up in the stars. Like the one I had back home, but much bigger. And fancier.” You say. “This is where we’re gonna be from now on. You’ll get used to it, baby.”
“But I liked home.” Cade mumbles with a pout.
You crouch in front of him, taking his small hands in your own. “I know you did, I did too. But your dad wants us here, alright? It’ll be easier this way. No more running.” You brush a strand of hair from his face and tuck it behind his ear. “And now you’ll get to be with your dad, too. It’ll be fun, I promise.”
Cade’s head tilts. “Where was daddy before?”
You pause, again struggling to think of how to explain your predicament to your son. “Your dad and I got into a fight, so he wasn’t around. I decided it wouldn’t be safe for you to be here, with him. But your dad made it safe, so we can make this our new home.”
Cade manages a very tired smile. “That’s good, mama.”
You return that smile, happy to see that he’s handling everything relatively well. You guess it has to do with the fact he’s been on the move his whole short life, never getting too used to one place, so this is nothing crazy to him. You help him into the tub, giving you both the good scrub that you needed. You can’t remember the last time you had a hot bath where the water didn’t come from a stove, or when you had soaps that smelled this nice. When the two of you are squeaky clean, you towel Cade off and put him in a pair of soft pajamas you found in one of the dressers, amazed at how well they fit him. You do the same, the silky material feeling like heaven on your skin.
Cade looks like he’s about to fall asleep where he’s standing, his eyes half closed and his little body wobbling. “Alright, big guy, let’s get to bed.” You tell him gently, lifting him into your arms and bringing him into the bedroom. The bed itself is huge, fitted with fresh sheets and fluffed pillows, ones that Cade immediately burrows into.
You get under the covers and pull your son close to you, keeping him safely in your hold as you easily drift off.
» ☆ «
It’s been years since you’ve woken up so well rested.
Your eyes open slowly like you’re in no rush, the warmth and comfort of the blankets making you believe you could fall right back asleep. At least, until you notice the glaring absence of Cade in your arms. You sit up abruptly, yanking the covers back, not seeing any sign of him. “Cade?” You call out. No response.
You’re stumbling to your feet, swearing under your breath, grabbing your lightsaber from your bedside table. You knew it, you knew this was all a trap, that Kylo lured you in just so he could take your son from you. You’re such an idiot, thinking for even a second that you could trust him. You’ll kill him, shoot him with a blaster or pierce him with your saber, because damnit, you should’ve-
You stop in the entryway to the living room. There, on the couch, is Kylo… with Cade soundly asleep on his chest. Kylo’s head is tilted back, his own eyes closed, the outer layers of his uniform gone, and his arms snug around his son with Cade’s head tucked right under his chin. Kylo stirs when he hears you, looking at you with your lightsaber in your hand, ready to kill someone over Cade.
“He wasn’t feeling good after the vaccines.” Kylo explains quietly. The boy had come out of the bedroom an hour or two after he’d returned from his work, whimpering about everything hurting, clinging to Kylo’s cape for some kind of comfort. Kylo had followed your examples and lifted Cade, holding him easily and letting him hide his face in his neck like he did with you. Next thing he knew, Cade was snuggled with him on the couch and they both ended up dozing off.
You breathe a sigh of relief, putting your weapon aside and making your way over. You sit with them, keeping a couple inches of space between you, tucking your hands in your lap. It’s strange, not being the sole person to worry over Cade anymore, knowing that there’s someone else you can depend on, that can help you with your burdens. Despite his past, despite what troubles him, you still believe in Kylo deep down, in his sincerity towards you and your son.
“I’d never let anyone hurt him.” Kylo says suddenly, breaking the uneasy silence between you, undoubtedly having read your thoughts through your bond. “He’s more than I could’ve hoped for. He’s perfect.” The way he looks at Cade with such a fierce, protective love, has something inside you breaking. It must’ve been your resolve, because you find yourself curling into Kylo’s side, desperate for the comfort and companionship you’ve missed for the last three years.
He tucks an arm around you like it’s second nature, holding the both of you against him. “I want us to be a family,” he continues, “I want to give him what I never had.”
You’re silent for a moment, sitting with the words he’d said with such determination it startled you. You nod, feeling the rightness of it. “Okay. I want to do that too.” You say, looking at Cade sleeping so peacefully, at last someplace warm and safe and steady. Then you look at Kylo, your gaze hardening briefly. “But you do anything to put him in danger, Kylo, and we’re both gone.”
“That won’t happen.” He responds darkly. “I’ll make sure of it.”
You hold his gaze for a second longer before relenting. “Good.” You sigh, relaxing into him and resting your head on his chest. “Sorry for… keeping him from you for so long. I didn’t know what else to do.”
“I don’t fault you for it. It was the best course of action with Snoke still around. I only wish you would’ve let me help you.” He says.
“You’re helping me right now by being a nice pillow.” You joke between a yawn, your eyes already shutting again.
He hums, his hold on you tightening for just a second. “Then rest. You deserve it.”
Surrounded by your tiny family, cradled in its warmth, sleep is quick to embrace you once more.
