The Seasons Keep Their Secrets↠ Joel Miller Ch.1
Pairing: Joel Miller x F!Reader
Warnings: 18+ MDNI
Summary: In the four seasons of Jackson, Joel and the reader circle each other in heavy, unspoken longing. With each change of season, a secret comes to light, unraveling the walls he’s built and pulling you closer to a truth neither of you can ignore.
Author's Note: AHHHH it's my return to fan fiction writing and what better to return to with some good ol Joel Miller slowburn fic. Just like my return I'm starting off very slow with a simple four chapter fic. There will be eventual spicy content but of course some building tension is just as good. I'm a bit rusty since the last fic I've written was four years ago.
(post outbreak, slowburn, eventual smut, grumpy Joel, commune life slay, angst?, Joel doesn't handle feelings well, Longing & Pining, Domestic Joel Miller, intimacy without sex (at first), lots of tension)
Word Count: 2,340
spring
There was never a good time for patrolling around Jackson and the surrounding areas. However, spring constantly fights its way to be the best due to less packing on the runs and there was always a sense of nostalgia for the days when all you knew how to do was swim in the streams. The two things that everyone hated in the spring was that there are more chances of running into the Infected or worse raiders.
You preferred those spring patrols routes when the ground softened and the food options were active. The best part of it all was the entire rotation would reset and Joel would be your partner for most of spring.
If you weren’t out on patrol with Joel you’d only see him frequent the Tipsy Bison. He’d be to himself or with his brother Tommy. On occasion a friend or two. You’d acknowledge each other with a hello or a nod. You weren’t sure if he even remembers your name after all those runs. They’re usually uneventful when you guys are together. You’d hear stories about people bonding during these patrols, but with Joel all you’d get are a few words of directions and that was it. It was a pre and post brief with the group at the end then you’d part ways.
All the things you knew about him were from your friends. You weren’t even sure if they’re true or not. He was the mysterious character on Jackson that drew you in but no one can linger much around him. He wasn’t much of a talker as everyone says. Then again you questioned why he would be in the first place.
_
You already saddled up your horse,Ridge,and was waiting for Joel at the northern gates. A few of your friends were already with their own partners discussing the tasks. It wasn’t normal for him to be this late. Today was the start of the spring rotation so you thought that maybe they changed it and he won’t be your partner anymore. Your heart sank a little bit but you knew not to get your hopes up with ever interacting with him again.
Joel came into view and you tried not to catch his gaze and busied yourself with the packs you attached to the saddle.
“Mornin’,”Joel came up behind you and someone handed him the reins to his own horse Callus.
“Sleep well? This isn’t your usual,” you joke about his tardiness.
“Not really, couldn’t sleep,” he cleared his throat and mounted Callus. You followed suit and the both of you gathered with the others ready to listen.
-
Wyoming in the springtime was a sight to behold. Their surroundings were replaced with greenery and the sounds of the melting snow rushing through the creeks. Joel kept his position a few feet ahead of you and you kept an eye out through the tree line. There was some kind of new courage in your chest that caused you to speak.
“I missed how beautiful it is,” you said, eyeing him. The beautiful dark brown curls with streaks of grey crowned his head. There was no response from him but you did catch a glimpse of a nod but no response.
The first thing they usually did was to inspect the fences on the outer wall. You dismounted your horse and looked closely at the fence. Everything was still intact.During the winter the heavy snow fall would usually cause a strain on the wires, but this time around it seemed that it held its place very well. You crouched down and removed some fallen branches away from the fence. “I heard you do some woodworking.” You had no idea why you even brought that up. A branch between your hands breaks in half as you nervously fidgeted. “You need some?” You hold the pathetic broken branch .Nothing better could come out of your mouth so you said the first stupid thing you can come up with.
“I’m well stocked,” he responds in a deadpan voice. That was his usual so you weren’t taken aback. You get back on to your horse and follow him. There was this heavy tension in the air that you wondered if he felt it too. He never discussed wordworking with you before. It was the only topic of conversation with a few of your friends one day when one of them said he got commissioned to make a wooden horse for someone’s toddler. You should have probably just kept your mouth shut.
The both of you followed the usual trail and checked off all the hotspots where there would be frequent horde activity in the springtime. Maybe it was too early because the both of you have not encountered a single one. The deeper they went into the forest the only sounds between the both of you were the animals.
“How beautiful!” you exclaimed seeing a bed of wild daisies. Joel glanced over to it and then looked over his shoulder.
“You should pick some up and bring it back to Jackson to sell,” that was the most he’s said since you have been patrolling for two hours.
“Let’s just come this way when we’re on the way back,” you suggest. He nods, leading his horse up the hill. His pace slowed allowing you to catch up beside him. You looked on straight ahead but you felt his gaze on you. “Are we going to rest up in the cabin?” That was the usual route, the break would be between the fences and the old cabin before getting to the large river that somewhat protected Jackson from larger hordes.
“If you aren’t hungry yet I was gonna show you something,” he replied pointing just off the path. You sit up straighter on your horse his demeanor changed which piqued your interest. Confidence seeped through your veins and you had to take advantage of it now before it dissipates again.
“You aren’t going to kill me are you?” you asked, matching the stride of his horse.
“You’d be buried a long time ago sweetheart,” Joel looked over to you. It felt like the air got knocked out of your lungs when he called you sweetheart. “I’m joking,” he added.
Joel Miller making a joke? Who knew?
At first you believed him because you knew how everyone respected Joel and how good of a protector he is. If anyone got in the way of him and the things he cared about like Jackson, there would be major problems. Second of all, your head felt a bit light because joking with Joel after all the times you used to patrol with him in silence made you excited. “Didn’t think you were much of a talker.”
“Oh,” it came out more like a breath. Maybe all that talking from earlier on the day paid off no matter how awkward it felt. You just had to dig into the wall he surrounded himself with. “Didn’t think you’d talk back.”
“I am now,” he responds, slowing Callus down. They were entering a clearing within the trees. “Figured you might like these.” His voice was warm and it made your heart thump hard against your chest. Your eyes widened at the sight of tall purple flowers reaching up to the sun that peaked through the leaves of the forest canopy. Within just hours of this patrol he was showing you a side of himself that you never knew about.
“How’d we never see this?” you asked while dismounting from Ridge and tying the reins around a low hanging branch.
“You’re just good at following orders,”he stands next to you admiring the flowers. You were about to reach for a stem when Joel stopped you by placing his hand on your shoulder. The both of you spot the movement in the distance. A group of Runners were making their way through the trees. You readied your gun but Joel raised his hand to stop you from shooting. He gestured for you to move to the right so he can move on the left. The both of you worked on dispatching these Infected within minutes. It was a lighter hoard so the both of you seamlessly dealt with it.
Joel walked up to the frightened horses while you stayed back to look over the crushed flowers. The Infected were strewn on the ground, motionless.
“Let’s get to the cabin,” Joel sounded defeated and you took a deep sigh before following.
_
After the ambush in the grove, Joel avoided going off the routes again. For the next patrols you’ve had with him it was the same monotonous tasks. You’d talk briefly about other things but nothing that would spark more conversations outside of the patrol. You did notice that his body language appeared to look more at ease with you. It was something you noticed five patrols into the spring season.
When you weren’t on patrols you were helping out at the greenhouses. You’d briefly see Joel when you picked up lunch at the Tipsy Bison. His eyes would follow you come in and out. You would just nod at him and he'd respond back the same way. His friends, well his brother and another one of Tommy’s friends , were always around him. They’d grab their lunch there all the time. There wasn’t any exchange of words when you guys weren’t on patrol. It made you feel like you were going insane not interacting outside of work. You were invisible to him.
One evening when you were on your way back from a day at the greenhouse you saw something on your porch. You quickly made your way up the creaky stairs and crouched to find wild daisies and violets wrapped with sparse twill. You felt your heart beating against your ribcage. There was no note or card attached. You hoped there was one. The flowers your friends received from their admirers always had it. You can’t say this was necessarily from an admirer but you did have a feeling who they were from.
_
Joel shed his flannel shirt as you rode the route through the warm, misty morning. He was quiet for most of the ride except for his occasional grunt to steer and guide his horse. You were hesitant to ask him about the flowers that were left on your porch the other day. The words were stuck in your throat and your face was starting to warm as you built up the courage to say something.
“You’re welcome,” Joel muttered, glancing over his shoulder. You pulled the reins of your horse.
“I was just about to say thank you for the flowers,” you respond. He slowed his own horse and looked back at you. He couldn’t meet your eyes and you watched as he twisted the reins tightly around his fist.
“Figured they’d gone missing,” he scoffed. Why does he sound so offended?
For all you knew it could have been anyone who dropped those off. He should have left a note.
“I thought they were pretty,” you felt a tension in the air. “I just. . .just wasn’t sure it was from you. It’s not something I thought you’d do.” You knew it was from him who else would have gotten you the daisies and violets. It was his turn for pink to creep up on the tips of his ears. His jaw starts to work and he shifts in his saddle.
“Just thought you might have liked them that’s all,” he shrugged and turned forward.”You weren’t home so I left them there.”
“Thanks again they brightened up my bedroom,” you replied and watched as his entire body tensed up. His muscles are tightening beneath the thin off white shirt. “We should get some more to bring to the town. They’d like that.” The silence was filled with the wildlife around you.
“Yea we should,” he didn't look back at you as he urged his horse forward.
_
On the next patrol, Joel wasn’t waiting by the stables. In his place was Carol. She was a few years younger than Joel. She’s seen a lot of stuff out there during the outbreak and you trusted her with your life if things went awry. She explained that Tommy needed Joel for help on planning for an expansion. There were more people coming into Jackson and not too many houses. It made sense to you but after the flower incident it just made you feel embarrassed. You nod in understanding but your chest feels tight. Was he also embarrassed at your lack of reaction to it? It was just like him though, to just retreat. Your face warms realizing now that you couldn’t bring this up again with him.
He wouldn’t be your patrol partner for the rest of the spring season.
Every time you were on patrol you couldn’t help but miss his presence. The smell of coffee, cedar and the weighted glances. It was better this way. The less time you saw each other the better. You wouldn’t be having foolish thoughts because Joel wasn’t yours to think about. You could just direct your attention to more important matters like learning how to sew so you can patch up clothes or even growing more flowers. The townspeople missed that simple luxury.
Newcomers were making their way into Jackson as the rest of spring slipped by. On occasion you’d catch a glimpse of Joel buried in his work. No words passed between you but a simple nod and look but not much to misread or puzzle over. You wanted to go to him to speak, but it’s better to stay away. Nothing good would come from it. Especially if it was with Joel Miller. A simple crush is enough and you will try very hard to get over it.
As the days became warmer heading towards the blistering heat of summer, you always caught yourself staring at the spot on your porch where the flowers sat waiting.
