alrescha

All we can do is speak and hope to be heard.

[l-alrescha-l]

The pain of losing you forms a vacuum in me. It runs me dry, denies me my ability to live. Nothing to say, because nothing can be said to you anymore.

[l-alrescha-l]

[l-alrescha-l]

Thank you Reita.

This is super late but I just felt like I had to write this and put it out there. So much has happened since you passed away. While I have grieved in my own time, grief never really goes away from personal experience.

Since then, I've been listening to the Gazette songs chronologically from the start. I can't do anything and I feel helpless, so that's my own way to honour you. It's been 10 years since I first found the band and I have now picked up the bass. Before I started playing the bass, I had this misconception or whatever you call it, that bassists always fade away in the background. It takes so much effort to hear you, but you're always silently supporting the band. Now when I listen to the GazettE songs, I desperately try to listen to your bass lines. Call it a newfound habit or a method of coping, it's as if I am searching for your presence. Now I realise, how enormous your presence and the sound of your bass is.

I have so much to say to you. You were the face of the band to me. Before I even knew what the GazettE was, I knew your face, your name, and that iconic nose band of yours. From all the interviews, backstage, and live stuff I saw, it always seemed like you enjoyed being in the band to the fullest. Your love for the band, for the members, and for the fans radiated through the screen.

未成年 is a song that is incredibly personal and meaningful to me, one that I have always fucking hoped to experience once live in my life. But now that you're gone, I realise I will never see you play that iconic bass solo live. I wish I had planned things out better. I wish with all my heart that you're still with us, that you're healthy and well and still living your dreams.

It pains me so much that you're gone. Feels like a hole in my heart, as cliché as that sounds, but grief works like a fire that burns and what has been burned can never be returned to what it was before. I can't imagine what your family feels, what the other band members feel. We all miss you terribly. Your legacy will fucking live on, we will all make sure of that. the GazettE will be forever. the GazettE is eternal.

[l-alrescha-l]

A cathartic release doesn't quite cut it

You have to live with it every day

[l-alrescha-l]

I remember his beautiful eyes that day.

Somehow, of all the things that could have left an impression on me wasn't his fit body, his toned arms, his button nose, or even his intimate member. It was his unassuming almond-shaped eyes. The beautiful light brown that glimmered as the sunlight shone onto those pearls. You could see his pupils, and those pupils seemed like they could pierce through you whenever they looked at you. It was almost impossible for me to avert my gaze from those eyes. They reflected the world in them, not just the world at large but all the beauty in it. He saw the beauty in life, unlike me who dwelled in the depths of the shadows. And just like how he saw life, his eyes reflected that hope. As much as I was attracted to the worst things life could offer, I couldn't look away from the hope evaporating from those eyes. How does a person live that long and not lose that shine in their eyes? It was miraculous.

[l-alrescha-l]

My dream is to lay on the grimy sidewalk To finally belong on that land To have nothing to lose For all that could have been lost has gone

[l-alrescha-l]

Mad

I am going mad with this consciousness This awareness, this attentiveness I am driving myself crazy Perhaps I want to be mad, And escape it all My brain is out of my control Please help me, save me My thoughts, all contaminated Please, just let me go, Or kill me Perhaps I want to be mad Perhaps I want to go crazy Let me be mad.

[l-alrescha-l]

Untitled

How beautiful your lovely smile. Though all I'd see was nothing. How you'd not look was utmost sincere. I'd not accept anything, as I tried to catch your averted gaze. The borderline ever so opaque, but desperately trying to fade. I see nothing but a grey stain, As you stray further from your afterimage. You shine even brighter than the moon, But gloom even darker than the abyss. These hands can never reach that unkempt hair, that incomprehensible smile, those eyes that lost the light. I see nothing but your lonely silhouette.