⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ warnings: cursing & arguing (kinda lol)
⋆.ೃ࿔*context: hollis finally decides to stop acting like an ass and finally have that serious conversation that you've been waiting for me. will you accept or not...?
hollis remains on the couch, phone in his hand. his thumb hovers over your name in his messages, half-written texts deleted before they're sent.
he thinks about what roman had told him, to talk to you in person. but how could he do that when you didn't even want to talk to him in general. he thought to himself for a while, thoughts overflowing his mind. "maybe i do need to man up." he whispers to the empty room.
he rose abruptly from the couch, grabbing his car keys from the table and headed out. if he wanted to make it right, there was no time for thinking, he had to see you, talk to you, maybe even hold you if you let him.
your curled up in bed, "Heated Rivalry" playing low on your laptop screen. you lift your head up as you hear a soft knock on the door. as the knocks start to get louder you pause the show, "why would anyone knock this late?" you grab your phone, checking to see if you were expecting anyone, no messages.
as the knocks continue, you groan and lift the covers off of you. you slip into fuzzy slippers and head downstairs to the door. "i'm coming!" you say as you walk downstairs. you open the door and freeze as you see hollis standing right in front of you, hands shoved into his pockets, as the hoodie on him covers the top half of his head.
"the fuck are you doing here hollis?" you said through gritted teeth, your jaw tight with suppressed irritation. you don't open the door anymore further, standing there in the doorway with your arms crossed.
"i came here to talk to you, obviously," he said, his voice thick with sarcasm. "can i come in?"
you let out a scoff, "you want me to let you in while you're trying to be a smartass? fuck you hollis." you snap back. his jaw tightens and he lets out a deep breath, trying to keep his composure. he can feel the frustration catching up to him inside, but he forces it down.
"please," he pleads. "i just need a few minutes to talk to you."
you continue to stand there, arms still crossed while biting down on your lip. your eyes flicking over his face, you know you shouldn't let him in. you know that you shouldn't even let him speak to you or be near you. but you do know that you should shake your head "no" and slam the door in his face, ending it all right now. but there's something in his eyes, a glimpse of the person he was before everything went to hell.
"five minutes," you mutter, pulling the door open just wide enough for him to slip through. you keep your eyes on the floor as he steps past you, but you still catch that familiar scent, the one you used to tell him you loved, the one he started wearing more often just for you. you force yourself back to reality and sigh, "that's all you get."
as you close the door and turn around, you see hollis heading up the stairs to your room. you raise an eyebrow and open your mouth to protest, but the words die down in your throat. you follow right behind him, muttering under your breath, 'we could've just talked in the living room..." he doesn't stop at the doorway, he walks right in and sits down onto the edge of your bed. as you walk in and stay by the door, your stomach can't help but do a nervous flip. the sight of him on your bed is painfully familiar.
he looks at you as if he's waiting for you to sit down on the bed as well, but you keep your distance from him. you don't want to sit, sitting feels like he'll be staying longer, and you already told him he only has five minutes. silence had taken over. all you could hear was the wind blowing and the heavy, uneven sounds of hollis' breathing.
when you check the clock on the bedside table, you see that 3 minutes had passed by. you break the silence, "so?" you ask, raising your eyebrows expectantly. you hear as hollis takes a deep breath, trying to figure out where to start. his mind is racing, trying to find the right words. he looks up, his eyes searching yours for any sign of softening. "i didn't come here to make things worse," he says, his voice barely above a whisper. he rubs the back of his neck, a nervous habit you remember all too well. "i just...can't stop thinking about how we left things. about how i left things."
he pauses, the time getting closer to five minutes. "i know i messed up with the whole 'no labels' thing, or not wanting to talk about us. i thought i wasn't ready for any of it and tried pushing it off, but i think i was just being a dumbass."
you let out a dry, humorless breath that's almost a laugh. "a dumbass,' you repeat, looking up to meet his eyes. "you let me walk away. you let us fall apart because you were scared of "labels", hollis. and now you're sitting on my bed telling me you've realized you were wrong?"
you take a small step towards him, "i didn't end things so i can get a half-assed apology months later. i ended things because i needed someone who actually knew what they wanted. so, after all these months, now you realize you're wrong? that's not fucking fair hollis, you don't get to come here just to tell me that you've finally realized you were wrong, right when i was moving on from you."
moving on, those words hit hollis right in his chest. were you really moving on or were you just trying to make him feel bad?
"i know 'sorry' doesn't fix the months i let go by. but hearing you say you're moving on...feels like a stab to my heart." he says, his voice cracking just enough to show he's losing his composure. he stands up slowly, realizing he's overstayed. "i didn't come here to make you feel...guilty or anything. i came here because the thought of you actually being done with me was the only thing scarier than the labels i was running from." you stay silent, truthfully not knowing what to say. to hollis, the silence was all he needed to know that he should go. he walks past you and heads downstairs.
as he walks past you, you take in that familiar scent again, the one that brought you comfort and made you feel safe. then suddenly, the thought of him actually walking out of your house, and out of your life for good, hits you harder than the anger ever did.
before you can talk yourself out of it, you quickly head downstairs and catch up to him. you reach out and grab the fabric of his sleeve. it's a small, desperate tug, but it's enough to make him freeze and stop him in his tracks. his back is still to you, his arm tensing under your grip.
"wait," you whisper, the word barely audible.
he turns slowly, his eyes dropping to where your fingers are still tightly curled into his sleeve before looking at your face. he looks shocked, like he's scared to even move or breathe in case you change your mind and let go.
"i'm still mad at you, and you're right. you don't get to come here and make me feel some type of guilt or sadness for you, but i don't think i'm as 'moved on' as i wanted to be." you say, your voice trembling as you finally admit the truth.
the defeat in his expression softens once he sees your eyes become glossy, tears falling down your cheek. he takes a small, hesitant step towards you, closing the gap just enough that you can feel the warmth radiating from him again.
he pulls you in, his arms wrapping around you securely as you wrap your arms around him. you bury your face in the crook of his neck, the familiar scent of him finally grounding you. "i'm not going anywhere," he whispers, his voice steadier now that he sees you're not ready for him to leave. "if you're not done, neither am i."
he pulls back just enough to look at you, his hands resting at your waist not wanting to let go. not now, not ever. one hand comes off your waist as it reaches to the side of your cheek, with his thumb he wipes off the tears you had on your cheek.
"i don't want to be 'friends doing couple stuff,'" you say, your voice finally firm. you look at him in the eyes, making sure he's understanding what you're trying to say. "i meant what i said in those text messages. i can't be with someone who has to second guess about being committed to me or not. i need to know where i stand with you, hollis."
hollis takes a slow breath, nodding. "i know. i was so caught up in the fear of what a relationship meant, the expectations, the pressure of not wanting to fuck up, that i ended up fucking up either way by not choosing you."
his thumbs lingers on your cheek, his touch light as if he's still afraid you'll pull away. he takes a shaky breath.
"i do want labels, i want a relationship with you. fuck that 'no label' shit," he says, his voice dropping to a low, steady whisper. "if you still allow me to...i want to be your boyfriend. i want to be the only guy in your life, the one who takes you everywhere in the god damn world, spoils you, everything, you name it. i just wanna be with you."
he searches for your eyes, waiting for your reaction. "i'm not running anymore, i'm choosing you."
you take a slow, deep breath, letting it out and finally pulling back just an inch, enough to look him in the eye.
"you have a lot of making up to do, hollis," you say, voice steady. "you don't get to say the word 'boyfriend' and act like these last few months didn't happen. i expect a lot from you."
he nods, his expression serious. "i know, but i just wanted to let you know i will do whatever it takes for you to call me your boyfriend."
i glance into the kitchen and see the time on the stove, 1:30AM. "go, hollis," you say, as your eyes turn back to him. a tiny soft smile tugging at the corner of your mouth, "you've used up enough of my time for one night."
he chuckles softly, "i'll make it up to you. every second of it. i promise."
"you better," you tease, gently nudging him toward the door. "because i'm not playing games anymore, so you better be on it."
as hollis stands outside, he cups your jaw and tilts it down, planting a soft kiss on your forehead. "me neither, i'll see you tomorrow y/n." he gives you one last look before heading over to his car. you wave goodbye at him and slowly close the door. you turn your back to the door and lean your head against it. "don't mess this up, hollis," you whisper to yourself as you pick your head up and head back to your room.
⋆‧°𓏲ּ𝄢taglist: @gr33n-sp0re-v4lly @pvdulmol @holilove @bonezrust @badlands-bitchh @swaggotsnoticeswaggots @staaraaid @angelverse222
a/n: HAIIIIII i'm so sorry for the wait you guys, all you desrve this long fanfic fr. this is basically my birthday present to you guys since my birthday is on monday!! anyways hope you guys like it (or maybe even love it ;p)
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