I feel so empty right now.
It fucking. Hurts. To see the biggest post I've had in months be an hiatus announcement
And I know I'm having a breakdown rn and posting this is a terrible fucking idea
It's not that i dont. Its that I can't. I'm tired
I'm tired of just. Being important enough for people to care when I leave, but not important enough for people to care when I'm there
I'm tired of being the one with the worst possible timezones for interaction
I'm tired of feeling like all I am good for is just.... Existing
I guess I wish I don't have to beg. For anons. To reblog ask game after aks game only for one ask to be sent
Maybe I am ungrateful. I probably am
Maybe I am a whiny bitch right now. And I probably am.
Maybe this will get me blocked by tons of people, or at the very least it will cause me to lose followers. It probably will
They would like lane as much as I do.
As much as I like their characters.
.maybe I am obsessive. Maybe I am immature and stupid and maybe all of this will only get me into trouble
Maybe it's not normal to be crying writing a vent post on a roleplay blog at 10 pm on a friday night.
Maybe I should leave for good.
And I want to make it clear that I'm not keeping this blog hostage. Or maybe those are empty words.
I can't even trust myself on that. On anything I'm saying. I don't know if I'm being manipulative. I don't know if I'm genuinely hurt or just pretending to be.
I miss. I miss something. And I don't even know what it is.
And above all else. I love you
You are my friends. And thank you for being on this journey with me.