Deeper Depths

Sarah. INFJ. 

[ariana-news]

Lady Gaga, Ariana Grande - Rain On Me (Official Music Video)

[charlottsullivan]

(x)

[poems-and-word]

[ladydashing]

Conversation with my sister

Me: Did I mention I hate applying/transferring to schools?

Atta: Yes...

Me: Are you sure I ingrained into you, my sincere contempt of the system currently in place?

Atta: I think you may have mentioned it.

Me: School admission officials literally get to play God, Claire, this is se-

you texted me?

Atta: Giggles on the phone

Me: *Looks at phone* You sent pictures of the cats?

Atta: You need a fur-baby to calm you down, also Leah was just being so cute I had to document it!

[ladydashing]

Application deadlines are around the corner

I’ve spent all of this weekend writing and re-writing personal statement drafts. Additionally, I’ve gone to see every school facility person or program related to reviewing applications so far this week, with more meetings scheduled until Friday. I’m essentially pouring my heart and soul into this essay and praying that the admission gods decide I am worthy to join their ranks.

Cheers to months of agonizing anticipation and constant re planning!

[dankmemeuniversity]

[ladydashing]

Personal Statements

I helped my sister work on two separate personal statements today for her Master’s program. It made me think about how you promised to look at my personal statements when you were still alive. You said there really was no need seeing as we’re both writers, but I insisted and you agreed. I never even got the opportunity to show you what I’ve written. God your death is a constant with every passing day that moves by; you are inherently everywhere all at once, and yet ultimately nowhere. I miss you Sometimes, but if possible to be more endearing, I ache to be where you are. I crave being able to hear you laugh, or speak passionately about something seemingly obscure, or enlighten me on a topic I had never even considered. You were air in my lungs when you graced me with your presence; I’ve been suffocating ever since you left.

[erinnyh]

Trying to make sense of Kinetics

[things-i-tell-myself]

I’m such an old-fashioned, romantic, love letters, hand holding, yours forever kind of girl

[ladydashing]

Dearest Love,

This weekend I have lived in my head more so than usual replaying certain scenarios, attempting to find miscalculations, and deciding factors which may have contributed to your decision. In the wake of hours of pleading to any and all Gods for retribution or access to a parallel universe where you still exist, a hauntingly heart-wrenching truth entered my mind; the guilt and sorrow of everyone left behind in your suicide pails in comparison to the self-destructing, dehumanizing, and torturous demons which plagued you every single day of your life. I am sure you feel at peace and joyful to be free of such burdens. I would never wish to ever put you in harms way, or wish for ill things to happen to you. But there is a selfish part of me that longs to have you back here. I ache with every fiber of my being just to be able to talk to you, to hear your voice, to look into your eyes, to hold your hand...

God, I miss you.

Your death has changed me in such a way; it is as if my entire soul has had to be reprogrammed. I don’t want to bear your loss for the rest of my life. I have no idea how to go about doing this in a ‘productive manner’. I just want you back in my life and I’m still coming to terms that you no longer exist in this lifetime, in my lifetime. A lifetime where at one point, we both existed; simultaneously, consciously, and on purpose. 

[siriusea]

you’ve had a long list of lovers, but none of them matter to you except me

i’ve had a long list of lovers, but none of them matter to me except you

[4444555666777888999]

Um no offense but why doesn’t anyone memorize passages from books and then recite them aloud for everyone at parties anymore.

[sicknare]

[ladydashing]

I went to the play rendition of ‘Tiny Beautiful Things’ this evening

The last Dear Sugars letter was from a middle aged man who lost his 22 year old son to a drunk driver. His letter was in the form of a list consisting of 22 points. Each point grew deeper and deeper into the level of pain and anguish that he felt for losing his son. In his anguish I felt the loss of you tonight; I relived your suicide and silently cried a river in the theater along with the father who became fatherless. 

I know that in this grief there is a part of you that will always be carried with me, but I ache wholeheartedly to have you physically present in my life again. I miss you with every fiber of my being Sometimes. I wish moving on and carrying the weight of your death wasn’t something that I have to go through. I wish I was holding your hand,

[meerasplaylist]

Visit Original Link

I think I might’ve inhaled you I can feel you behind my eyes

[poems-and-word]

[qvotable]

Perhaps we may meet each other in a dream.

Marina Tsvetaeva (via qvotable)