Star Wars. Kylo Ren. Reylo. There's quite a bit of Obi-Wan. You'll find I'm Anakin trash, too. Prequels. Rogue One. The Clone Wars. Rebels. The OT. The Force Awakens. The Last Jedi. Yes, all of Star Wars. Hayden Christensen. Ewan McGregor. Domnhall Gleeson. Adam Driver. Writing. Fanfics. INTP. Reblogging fool.
Summary: Crosshair feels bad about being cold to you and struggles with his ~feelings.
WC: 2100
Warnings: None. Kissing, fluff, some angst (c’mon, it’s Crosshair). Mentions of nightmares. Happy ending. TBB AU in which Crosshair is rescued and with his brothers.
A/N: This is based off of an ask from @banthasworld ! This took an incredibly embarassing amount of time, I am so sorry. It is based on the sunshine x grumpy trope, with Crosshair being…well Crosshair. Reader is always nice to him, and he struggles with that of course. Reader isn’t super described, since this is more from Crosshair’s point of view. But he sees reader as a ray of light, his sunshine, so it kind of works? ANYWAY, I hope you like!
Crosshair furiously chewed his toothpick, watching with feigned disgust as your shoulders shook with mirth, laughing as you placed a delicate ring of flowers atop Wrecker’s head.
Omega let out a giggle, handing Echo a crown of flowers of his own.
Tech was already adorned with one, and Hunter was adjusting his flowers around his bandana.
Everyone had a smile on their face, and Crosshair couldn’t help but retreat to the back of The Marauder to clean his rifle, hoping it would distract him from the merriment happening in the cockpit.
Earlier that day, Tech guided the ship down on a grassy planet for re-supply. They had agreed to pick up a shipment for Shep to bring back to Pabu.
While you were waiting, you and Omega found a lovely patch of flowers not too far from the ship, the fields blooming with color.
You were reminded of your childhood, sitting in meadows and making flower crowns with your friends. You showed a wide-eyed Omega how to make one for herself, which in turn inspired her to make one for all of her brothers.
Crosshair had been back with his brothers for some time now, and while he had mostly gained their trust back and things were somewhat back to normal, he couldn’t help but still keep himself at arm's length.
Crosshair looked up from his rifle once more, connecting his narrow-eyed gaze with your bright eyes.
He felt his stomach flip, something that he noticed was happening more often, something that he was desperately trying to ignore.
You were there when they rescued Crosshair from the Empire’s grasp. You had been kind to him from the start, even knowing everything that he had done, at least whatever his brothers told you about him.
You were laughing now, Wrecker telling a story of a mission Crosshair didn’t remember. It must have been a mission they went on while he was gone.
Crosshair scowled, retreating even further into himself as he flung what was left of his toothpick to the ground.
He glowered at his Firepuncher, waiting to be distracted from the sound of your voice, the beautiful glimmer in your eyes, the sneaking thought of wishing he could make you laugh as joyously as Wrecker…
He snapped out of his thoughts when your shadow changed the lighting around him, realizing you were standing right in front of him.
“Here.” You smiled, holding out a flower crown to him. “This one’s for you.”
Crosshair frowned, not making a move to take it, looking back at his rifle. He couldn’t bear to make eye contact with you. His heart thudded, hoping you’d just walk away.
“Tell the kid thanks, but no thanks.” He muttered.
“Omega didn’t make this for you.” You paused for a moment.
“I did.”
Crosshair’s eyes snapped to yours. You made it for him?
You hesitantly placed the ring of flowers down next to him.
“You don’t have to be back here by yourself, you know.” Your voice was soft, a kindly cadence that Crosshair couldn’t get out of his head at night, no matter how much he tossed and turned.
Crosshair bit down on a fresh toothpick, glancing at the intricately made ring of flowers next to his thigh.
“Who says I want company?”
He knew he was being an asshole, but it was the only way to get you away from him.
Every second you were close to him, every time you glanced his way, brought him a cup of caf, or asked him how he was doing, it was making it harder and harder for him to not take your face in his hands and kiss you.
He wanted to hear your warm words in his ear, feel your lips on his, finally let his guard down for once, and bathe in your light that outshone his darkness.
He couldn’t, though. Why would you want him?
The severe and unyielding traitor who broke his family’s trust? Something he was still gaining back, and may never truly get back.
He was broken. You deserve someone better.
These were the intrusive thoughts that kept him away from you, the nagging voice in the back of his mind that he just couldn’t keep quiet, no matter how hard he tried.
“I can sit with you if you want.” You asked, still standing in front of him, a glimmer of hope in your eyes.
Ask them to sit with you, you idiot.
Crosshair huffed. “I want to be left alone.”
Why am I like this?
You bit your lip, nodding and turning away from him, respecting his space.
Crosshair’s eyes didn’t miss a thing, watching as your shoulders slumped in such a subtle way that you may have done it subconsciously.
You looked over your shoulder at him, your lips parting like you wanted to say something, but continued to walk to the front of the ship, where his brothers and Omega had started some sort of card game.
Crosshair furrowed his brows, trying to focus on cleaning his rifle again.
This was normalcy he thought he’d never have, and it was right in front of him, waiting for him.
And yet he was still choosing to be alone.
Guilt, something he had never really felt before he came back to his brothers, sat like a stone in his stomach. He felt bad for being cold to you. You didn’t deserve this.
He watched as you sat, overseeing the card game, a smile back on your face. You glanced at him quickly, before being dealt in.
✼ ҉ ҉ ҉ ҉ ✼ ✼ ҉ ҉ ҉ ҉ ✼ ✼
The Marauder was quiet, except for Wrecker’s soft snores reverberating on the durasteel walls.
Crosshair lay in his bunk, gently turning the crown of flowers in his hands, holding it above him.
It was made with extreme care, his fingers grazing against the delicate petals, observing how thoughtfully you crafted it, the vines and stems intertwining with one another without being broken.
Could that be him? Could he be entwined with something beautiful without breaking it?
Crosshair laid the flowers on his chest, slinging one arm over his eyes. He replayed earlier in the evening in his head, except this time, he invited you to sit with him.
You watch as he demonstrates how to take apart his rifle, explaining each part, and showing you how to put it back together. He imagined your face close to his, paying close attention, feeling your breath on the side of his face. Laughing at something he says, a cheery smile just because you’re near him…
A tidal wave of unfamiliar warmth engulfed him, a peculiar fuzziness spreading in his chest.
Crosshair held on to that feeling, this time not trying to push it away, letting it spread and take hold of his heart. The sensation was strange, but comforting. He fell asleep with the ghost of your lips on his, your soft hands embracing him.
✼ ҉ ҉ ҉ ҉ ✼ ✼ ҉ ҉ ҉ ҉ ✼ ✼
Crosshair awoke early the next morning, something he still did out of habit. He was a light sleeper, and ever since he decided to leave his brothers, his sleep was interrupted by nightmares from his choices, and what was done to him while he was captured.
This morning, though, he realized the usual terrors that plague his mind did not make a visit. Instead, his dreams were filled with you, with flowers, with feelings he could only describe as…peace?
Crosshair sat up, realizing he was still holding the crown of flowers from last night. His head was spinning with emotion, with the realization of how much you meant to him, how much he needed you.
Crosshair didn’t expect anything in return from you, especially after how he’s treated you. But at the very least, you deserved an apology and a thank you for the gift.
Everyone was still asleep, except for you. Your bunk was empty, made up neatly. You were an early riser too, Crosshair often catching you staring at the sunrise on Pabu down at the beach by yourself. He never joined you, assuming you wanted your space.
Crosshair knew you’d be right outside the ship, waiting for the sun to cast its glow over you.
Crosshair silently slipped out of the ship, the ramp cracked just enough for him to slip through without waking anyone else.
The sun was just beginning to rise, casting soft pink and orange glows over the dewy fields, the flowers still closed up for the night, waiting to wake with the rays of the sun.
Crosshair saw you sitting alone in a small clearing, staring toward the horizon.
Crosshair didn’t realize he was holding his breath as he approached you, his heart pounding in his chest.
He cleared his throat, not wanting to scare you.
You turned immediately, your eyes lighting up the second you realized it was him.
“Crosshair! I hope I didn’t wake you?”
Crosshair shook his head. “No, I was already awake.”
He stood awkwardly, not knowing if he should ask to sit with you or not. He wanted to give you the chance to tell him to buzz off, like he told you the night before.
“Would you like to join me?” You asked, your voice quiet, a hopeful spark in your eye.
Crosshair didn’t say anything, taking a seat next to you in the damp grass. The horizon was beginning to turn a kaleidoscope of color as the sun began peeking above the grass on the horizon.
There were a few moments of silence, and then you spoke.
“I’m sorry.” You said, your voice almost inaudible.
Crosshair’s head snapped toward you.
Why the hell were you apologizing to him? He was supposed to be apologizing to you!
“For what?” Crosshair’s brows were knit, wondering what the kriff you were trying to apologize for.
You fiddled with some of the grass under your fingers.
“I know I can be too much sometimes, when I know you just want to be left alone…” your voice trailed off.
“I’m sorry if I’ve been too pushy, especially last night. I realize I’m making you uncomfortable. I will back off.”
Crosshair’s heart sank to his feet. This is not how this was supposed to go. He felt even guiltier than before. You and your big heart, assuming it was all your fault.
Crosshair shook his head. “You’re wrong.”
You looked at him, confused.
“You have nothing to apologize for.” Crosshair took a breath. “You don’t deserve how I’ve treated you. I…appreciate everything you do for me. I’m sorry I don’t return it. I have no excuse.”
Crosshair felt something on his hand. It was yours, barely touching his. Rays of sunlight were reflecting in the dew of the grass, spreading across the plains. Petals stirred, beginning to open toward the light.
“Crosshair…” You whispered his name, your fingers threading together. “I care about you, a lot.”
“I know.” Crosshair’s voice cracked, barely above a whisper. “I’m not a good man, you shouldn’t…
Here I go again, pushing them away.
Crosshair wanted to yell, to take you up in his arms, say how much he cares, how much he wants you, how much he needs you…
You must have seen the battle in his eyes, and your lips were on his cheek before he could continue.
Crosshair froze at first, his body going into overdrive of a million different emotions.
You’re kissing him? You’re touching him? Was this a dream, one that he has secretly wanted for so long?
Your lips were softer than any fantasy as they pressed softly, pulling away as quick as they were on him.
Crosshair’s body erupted in sensations he’d never experienced, goosebumps spreading throughout his body as you kissed him. As fast as it happened, you pulled away.
You quickly took your hand out of his, seeing as he wasn’t responding to your bold move.
“I’m sorry, I-“
“Quit apologizing.” Crosshair muttered before capturing your lips with his in a needy kiss, wrapping one arm around you to bring you close, cradling your head with the other.
Crosshair never, ever wanted to let go of this moment. Feeling your body relax against his, your own arms wrapping around him. He held onto you for dear life, wanting to say so much more, to keep apologizing, to warn you that his darkness may never be cured. Your lips didn’t stop moving together, expressing everything that words could not.
Finally, you both pulled away for a much needed breath, the sun’s rays now fully shining down on you.
“The flowers…” Crosshair uttered against your lips. “Thank you.”
You smiled, tucking your head against his chest as he held you. Momentarily, Crosshair forgot everything as you embraced. It was just you and him, and the hope of the new day, both of you bathed in its light.
Maybe, just maybe, it was time to let himself be cared for. Maybe, just maybe, things would be okay.
Anakin’s Force Ghost: [walking up to a service window with a stack of papers] Hello? [rings a bell]
Employee: [cheerfully] Good endless unknowable infinity, sir! How may I help you?
Anakin: Yeah, so, I wanna apply for a do-over.
Employee: …a do-over, sir?
Anakin: Yeah. [gestures behind him] Did you see what was going on back there the last four, five years?
Employee: [warily] Yes. Uh, well, sir, the application for a do-over is very –
Anakin: [heaving the papers onto the counter] Lengthy, yeah, I know. I want to submit this. Now.
Employee: [reading his name off the papers] Ah. Mr. Skywalker. I was told to expect to see you show up here at some point. You see, do-overs are usually only granted in extenuating circumstances, like the writers contradicting themselves in an effort to back themselves out of a corner, or concoct a plot twist, for example. You of all people must know that. Didn’t you used to be two different guys?
Anakin: [scoffing] That was forever ago! And we made that work, OK? But all this? [points behind him again] Someone’s gotta do something about it! [peering over the employee’s shoulder] Come on, I’ve gotta have some pull with somebody back there; I’m the Chosen One!
Employee: [quirking an eyebrow, under her breath] We still sure about that?
Anakin: [incensed] Excuse me?!
Employee: [forcing a smile, clacking away on her keyboard] Nothing! I’ll just see what steps we would need to take to get your application reviewed. Once I get it all filed you should hear from the Force, Word of God, and/or our corporate overlords at some point between now and the time the series becomes unprofitable. If you’ll just provide an email address, I’ll send you a confirmation with a Change of Canon Request tracking number.
Anakin: Ohhh no. I came all the way over here, I filled out all these boring papers when I could have been watching TV, I put on pants – I’m not leaving until someone addresses this with me. [hands her a scrap of paper with George Lucas’ phone number on it] Is this still good for anything? This guy and I go way back!
Employee: [stifling her annoyance] Mr. Skywalker, we have to follow proper procedure. These things take time.
Anakin: [brow furrowed] So you’re saying that there’s literally nothing you can do for me right now? Anakin Skywalker has no clout in this department?!
Employee: [sighs] One moment. [goes in a back room for several minutes, returns] OK, management has agreed to give you several additional hours of Obi-Wan looking handsome. Eventually. Probably. And I’ve been authorized to give you this autographed headshot of Internet Sensation Baby Yoda!
Anakin: [warily taking it, narrowing his eyes suspiciously] …very well. But I will be back. This isn’t over. I’m not gonna forget about all that…stuff that I’m mad about, just because you throw a bunch of [looking slightly dazed]…very cute babies and, and Obi-Wan at me. [begins to leave, then turns around to pointedly steal a pen and a peppermint from the counter before walking away]
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