This is my Kingdom

[ladyqueenofthehouse]

I always feel so weird and out of place when people ive known my whole life and have been friends with my whole life gush about their best friends having kids or getting married. Like these are people that I have considered to be best friends at various points. But the way they describe the friendship with their other best friends is different from how I view any of my friendships. I dont ever feel super close to people.

Anymore. There was one friend that i felt suuuuper close to like that, but even then it was different, at least I think so.

I just. Why have I never been close to people the way other people are? Why do i struggle to talk to people i actually am friends with on a regular basis. I have to actually go out of my way to do that. I have to regularly remind myself that it has been several weeks or months since i last talked to so and so and I actually *SHOULD* message them while im thibking about them.

On the other hand. I do a lot of post liking on social media because i want them to know I am still thinking of them. But I am soooooo bad at communicating.

Idk I just feel out of place as a human. Its part of the feeling like not a real person thing but thats not how i feel at this moment.

[ladyqueenofthehouse]

Im so fucking over being on this planet.

[labentiasidera-deactivated20210]

[toolusingmammalgirl]

*goes up to a polyamorous triad* so which one of you unspools the thread of fate, which one measures it, and which one cuts it?

[ladyqueenofthehouse]

This made me think about people who complain about stuff like that. (Idk what is in the article, did not read. Photo just sparked thought)

But like, for me, i would NEVER let my mother in law in the delivery room. I would not let my dad in. Like, its my body and i do not want you having the capacity to see my vagina and what not. I would give ZERO fucks that it was the birth of a grand child. Gtfo. That's my privacy. I would be having a hard enough time with doctors and nurses being down there doing their jobs. And birth seems to be hard enough without that added stress.

[ladyqueenofthehouse]

What do you know. My dad is still a fucking emotionally abusive piece if shit! Shocking, i know.

[ladyqueenofthehouse]

I definitely dont want to be alive anymore.

[ladyqueenofthehouse]

I am very sad. I missed getting to tell one of my closest friends goodbye before she moved to Japan.

[ladyqueenofthehouse]

One of the things that clued me into the I like girls thing as a kid (before i repressed it) was the whole Lara croft doing walkovers and flips and shit in Underworld. It. I still think its hot.

[ladyqueenofthehouse]

How long do you wait to make a complaint about your job when the anxiety goes from i can't work because of the constant berating to I am literaly suicidal everytime you get on to me for minor things that a) arent happening constantly and clearly not my norm and are actually minor random mistakes because no one is perfect and B) many other agents do significantly more frequently?

[ladyqueenofthehouse]

I have had to call twice to request that an officer come at least ask the people in the business area next to our apartment complex to turn their music down. They were playing loud music at 8 am on a Sunday. They stopped playing music for a couple of hours but started again. And i dont care that they are playing music. I care that it's too loud and base heavy and actually making me physically ill. I just want the base and repetitive beat gone. Just lower the goddamn volume. And i do NOT understand how they are within ordinances when they are a BUSINESS that is less than ten feet from an apartment complex? Like have some fucking decency and consider the people next to you. Jeezus.

[oursaviorkellinquinn-deactivate]

ATTENTION

If you see this you are OBLIGATED to reblog w/ the song currently stuck in your head :)

[ladyqueenofthehouse]

Waking up in Vegas

[ladyqueenofthehouse]

Minor therapy update: I had to get a new therapist because the center at which my old therapist was ended up getting closed down. It was a budget and moving thing. My former therapist was a grad student. I loved her. She was great, but the negative of working with a grad student is that they may not be able to fully identify stuff yet.

Well, we did originally talk about OCD because my BF told me he thought I had some form of it. It was determined no because OCD type behaviors I have are related to anxiety (btw. OCD is related to anxiety which I did not know at that time). So, that was not the best reason to go with no. But I accepted that non-diagnosis at the time. I'm not trained at all. So, how would I know?

It came up today with my new therapist naturally, as conversation progressed. She pulled out a checklist sheet, which was not something presented previously. So, I filled it out. We discussed the things I had marked in more detail. One of the things that makes it OCD, and not just generalized anxiety, is the certain anxiety-related behaviors I have are need based (side note: I did not know that these two examples were even considered OCD behaviors, like ever, in any capacity. I really thought they were just regular old anxiety things). For example, I cant not tap my feet. If I try not to, I feel really uncomfortable and start doing it again because I *have* to in order to feel comfortable. Another example is cracking my fingers, I almost never do it because they are stiff. I do it because the urge comes on and I have to. I also crack them in set patterns that I feel like I have to follow. And if a knuckle wont crack, I have to try to pop all the other knuckles again to try to get it to crack.

Now, based off of our discussion and the checklist, my OCD is considered moderate and more Obsessive based than Compulsive based. However, both are there.

So basically, I got the OCD.

So that's a new thing to work through.

[atimeofmagic]

every single criminal minds episode

prentiss: oh boy can’t wait to go gambling this weekend

reid: i personally will be eating an encyclopedia 

hotch: sorry guys, we have a case

prentiss: uch

jj: seven women were found dismembered 

Garcia: d1sm3mbEreddd????

hotch: wheels up in twenty

*at local police precinct*

officer: thanks for coming to help out

Morgan: no problem

prentiss: the bodies have stab marks–

all: SEXUAL SADIST

hotch: we’re ready to deliver the profile

jj: white male

reid: late twenties to early thirties

Morgan: he’ll likely insert himself into the investigation

hotch: he’s trying to regain control over his life

*in serial killer’s lair*

serial killer: I love you

woman: we just met

serial killer: STAB STAB STAB

*back with BAU team. Morgan is on the phone with Garcia*

Morgan: give me what you got, baby girl

Garcia: you’re looking for Evil McEvilface, his father tried to kill him seven times, his mother ran away with the manny, and he lives at 6969 sad street

Morgan: you’re a miracle worker

Garcia: why don’t you come over and see what kind of miracles I can work

Morgan: *smiles and hangs up*

*back at serial killer lair*

serial killer: *about to kill woman*

all the BAU agents: FBI, PUT YOUR HANDS UP

serial killer: *puts knife to the woman’s neck*

prentiss: what happened to you as a child wasn’t fair, but you can’t hurt other ppl

serial killer: *starts crying, drops knife*

voiceover: *obscure quote*

*back on plane*

reid: did you know that there are seven leopards in existence. you have blinked twenty-two times since we boarded this plane. I am smart

all: *laughing* Reid 

[laurenprentiss]

wow 😂😂

[ladyqueenofthehouse]

Have you done any research on polyamory? You might be interested in what's called unicorn hunting, why it isn't a good idea, and how to avoid it. Polyamory and triads are awesome but really understanding what it means to date a couple will help you along the way. Good luck!

I have not done actual research but I have a lot of friends who are poly, which is actually how I came to the conclusion that liking multiple people at once my whole life did not make me a bad person. I have a friend who just happened to find a relationship with two people who love her. I was looking to be a 3rd person before I met my bf. And several of my friends warned that its quite hard to find a 3rd person that both parties like equally and likes both parties equally and to be wary of people with weirdly controlling rules.

So i know quite a bit by association but havent really done any reading on it. But if you have any good reading you want to suggest, I would definitely be happy to receive that info.

Thanks for the Q!

[ladyqueenofthehouse]

Something I have a Hella hard time believing: Paget Brewster is 50.

Like she does not look anywhere close to 50.

I meango look at her recent photos. Like. Hot Damn.

Girl must have some GENES!

[beforethebeautyfades]

Reblog this if your blog is a safe space for polyamorous people! 🌈