rise, lasarus !

home no more home to me,

[laesarus]

have been thinking about this for a while but im making it official. i will be stepping away from tumblr for a while, not sure when I'll be back. also moving discords so if you'd like to keep in touch and/or keep plotting while im gone (or even try writing on discord) then add me there: @laesarus

[laesarus]

>logs in

what the hell happened to the dash

>logs out

[laesarus]

there will always be a sense of distance between jane shepard and the people she cares about.

[laesarus]

sol’s unique connection to the Light means that she must find ways to burn it off both quickly and almost constantly — if there’s too much of a build up of Light, she becomes hyperactive, irritable, more aggressive; experiences poorer emotional regulation and her ability to concentrate and focus on being functional deteriorates. conversely, if she burns off too much Light ( especially in a short period of time ) she experiences lethargy, a sense of burnout, mood drops, becomes overly tired and experiences strong(er) feelings of depression. as such, sol’s post - battle ritual & routine maintenance of her gear and weapons are critical to helping sol burn off her Light in a manner that doesn’t cause adverse side effects. it is also an integral part of her routine — above all, despite her spontaneity and unpredictability, sol is a creature of habit. the routines she faithfully follows are as much a part of her religious nature and her faith, as they are a strategy to take care of her mental health and manage her Light.

[laesarus]

during me2 whenever jane is on the citadel, she loiters by the gunnery chief on the presidium. the shelling he’s giving the alliance recruits is both incredibly funny to listen to and is actually quite grounding. it reminders her of her own time in the military—the sense of community with her fellow soldiers and dumb things she did as a recruit herself.

[laesarus]

have been thinking about this for a while but im making it official. i will be stepping away from tumblr for a while, not sure when I'll be back. also moving discords so if you'd like to keep in touch and/or keep plotting while im gone (or even try writing on discord) then add me there: @laesarus

[laesarus]

have been thinking about this for a while but im making it official. i will be stepping away from tumblr for a while, not sure when I'll be back. also moving discords so if you'd like to keep in touch and/or keep plotting while im gone (or even try writing on discord) then add me there: @laesarus

[laesarus]

have been thinking about this for a while but im making it official. i will be stepping away from tumblr for a while, not sure when I'll be back. also moving discords so if you'd like to keep in touch and/or keep plotting while im gone (or even try writing on discord) then add me there: @laesarus

[laesarus]

have been thinking about this for a while but im making it official. i will be stepping away from tumblr for a while, not sure when I'll be back. also moving discords so if you'd like to keep in touch and/or keep plotting while im gone (or even try writing on discord) then add me there: @laesarus

[laesarus]

have been thinking about this for a while but im making it official. i will be stepping away from tumblr for a while, not sure when I'll be back. also moving discords so if you'd like to keep in touch and/or keep plotting while im gone (or even try writing on discord) then add me there: @laesarus

[laesarus]

have been thinking about this for a while but im making it official. i will be stepping away from tumblr for a while, not sure when I'll be back. also moving discords so if you'd like to keep in touch and/or keep plotting while im gone (or even try writing on discord) then add me there: @laesarus

[laesarus]

tired. probs won't be responding to IMs/DMs until end june, maybe early july.

[laesarus]

while jane is an excellent leader, she struggles to maintain friendships. this is due to her tendency to push or purposefully break people's—especially her direct subordinates'— boundaries or ignore their choice and/or agency in situations when they make decisions she believes could be detrimental to their well - being. the root of this problem is that jane struggles to separate her responsibilities as a leader from her responsibilities as a friend. this is in part due to her tendency to hold herself accountable for every wrong that occurs to the people under her command, and thus will be personally involved in fixing things. but it’s also in part due to her difficulty with navigating social situations without looking at them through the lens of a soldier and/or a commander.

[laesarus]

thinking about post-forsaken cayde being haunted by his previous iteration during season of the haunted and actually changed my mind about it. while cayde-7 does struggle with fill the shoes cayde-6 left behind and trying to live up to his previous iteration’s work, it isn’t something he regrets. what he does regret is sundance’s death. sundance was cayde’s first and truest friend. she was with him through everything from the moment he was risen——has seen him at his very best and his very worst. she was a bright light in his life, his confidant, who knew him intimately; all his dreams and secrets, all the things he would never tell anyone else. cayde loved sundance unconditionally, and sundance loved him the same way. because of that, her death had a major impact on him that lasts even after being resurrected for a second time. cayde can’t access his last memories: the fight in the prison of elders and his subsequent death. this is partly because the damage to his body, his death and forced resurrection have caused the data to become extremely corrupted. however, a large part of it is also due to the trauma of seeing sundance die in his hand. while cayde can’t access the memories of that moment, the emotions that accompanied it linger well after his death. the guilt of loosing sundance because of the stupid decision to expose her during a firefight sticks with him and it’s something cayde-7 feels responsible for despite the fact he isn’t because of the lingering emotions from 6. there’s a lot of trauma from sundance’s death that cayde hasn’t and doesn’t address. all of this comes to a head during season of the haunted when he visits the leviathan expecting to see cayde-6 and sundance is the one haunting him. it’s much harder to deal with and cayde spends a lot of time speaking with eris over the course of the season as he tries to figure out how to deal with it.

[laesarus]

assorted thoughts on what cayde's got going with the vanguard after coming back into the fold post-forsaken:

i think that when he came back, ikora and zavala were happy (or relieved), even if they were hesitant and wary at first because that’s their friend. he’s honest about how it happened but he doesn’t tell them that he reset. because of that i think most of the changes in his behaviour that they notice, they attribute to having to sort out and/or deal with all his extra baggage.

i don’t think he knows about crow until zavala does. i doubt ikora tells him because of that associated trauma, and i think crow himself would avoid cayde because of his own associated Trauma.

speaking of avoidance: initially i was thinking that cayde comes clean about having reset during season of splicer but now i’m thinking that actually happens season of the leviathan because any time he goes to the leviathan, he’s haunted by cayde-6. i do believe that he takes part in the severance rituals too. probably talks to eris a lot more because lol! he can relate to her now!

on the topic of being ‘haunted by cayde-6’… the gist of it is: cayde sees that people react to him differently because while he keeps up a good act of being 6, he’s… not 6. ironically, he actually despises 6 because of all those traits that made him the quintessential hunter he was. more than that he hated how 6 was so emotionally stupid that he never recognised the good that he had in his life (his friendships with ikora and zavala), and that his own arrogance was the cause of so much grief and suffering, not just to his fireteam but to one of his last surviving friends (the guardian). he hates that. there’s a good deal of self-loathing and insecurity issues going on with him, but in a different spin that 6; 7’s issues stem from having to act like someone who he both despises for his recklessness and admires for his skill. it stems from having to live with the fact that people will look at him and will always see 6 instead of 7, and that he has to recognise that he’s not what they wanted —

— and that's a whole can of worms to unpack but it stems from the basis of my 'he lives!' verse for cayde post - forsaken. which tl;dr, is me being annoyed as fuck about moron gamers going "let's bring cayde back using the memories on europa" like. ok gang. i'm sure that'd go so well. i'm sure he'd want that.

speaking of cayde and crow, i think the two of them have met thought not in person. probably over comms when cayde checks in on some mission or strike or smth. i reckon he takes a liking to crow, and crow would probably take a liking to him too. i don’t think cayde figures out who crow is (or was) until it’s Revealed because of that, but also because i feel that; his memories of 6 are already spotty, his last memories (the ones of sundance dying and his own death) are even more corrupted. (something something exo version of dissociative amnesia.) crow’s identity reveal in season of chosen lowkey fucks him up because it dredges up those traumatic memories in forsaken, and i think cayde avoids crow because of it—not because he dislikes crow but because he’s instinctively avoiding associations with that past Trauma. that said, i do believe cayde makes it very clear that crow is one of his hunters and is to be treated with the same respect and dignity as any guardian; he comes down Hard on anyone who does otherwise.

[laesarus]

courtesy of 9 fuckery, sol's light is impacted by dark matter from the moment of her rezzing. it thus emits solar radiation, the intensity of which fluctuates with her light — which in turn, fluctuates with her mood. while at peace and rest, the radiation from sol's light is harmless; intense emotion, particularly negative ones, result in greater emissions and can thus pose immense risk to those in proximity (and sol herself). the radiation from sol’s light also impedes ghosty from easily rezzing sol when she dies; rezzing requires that they actively and heavily draw on the light.

to manage this, all of sol’s gear and armour has anti - radiation measures. they're designed to absorb her light and adapt it for cosmetic and practical use. (e.g. ammo for her weapons, (over)shields, solar effects on her armour). consequently, sol is rarely out of full armour especially in the city, for both her own protection and that of people around her.

as with any technology, sol’s armour is only able to contain and adapt a certain amount of radiation. if ghosty attempted to rez sol in the usual 5 seconds – 1 minute, the radiation burst from her light would exceed her armour’s threshold, causing her surroundings to be irradiated. sol would just end up dying of radiation positioning again. this is also something that happens when sol detonates: she gets rezzed inside the blast zone and suffers radiation poisoning like a looser while she gets somewhere that’s not irradiated and recovers slowly.

[laesarus]

on sol's connection to the light & her super ability:

—  detonation

sol’s aberrant connection to the light results in her emitting low - level radiation that spikes depending on the intensity of the light she ‘bleeds’. during her early days as a risen, she struggled with managing her light & its effects resulting in frequent accidents; setting fire to things, burning herself. the more sol actively draws on the light, the more radiation she emits. most risen have a ‘super’: a powerful attack with the light that does considerable damage. sol’s super is unconventional; she gives off an enormous, concentrated burst of solar—essentially, she turns herself into a living bomb and detonates. the effect is akin to a solar flare. the benefits of this move is that it’s incredibly powerful and guaranteed to kill anything in its significant area of effect, be it through the initial explosion or the radiation poisoning that accompanies it & lingers after. the cons of utilising it is that upon rez, she’s subject to the radiation poisoning she’s inflicted on her surroundings.  it takes an incredibly long time to recover from, will result in several deaths meanwhile, and can leave her & ghosty in an incredibly vulnerable position if any of her targets survive to continue fighing her.

—  detriments

sol’s connection to the light is almost purely passive. until prismatic powers become useable, she can’t safely or effectively draw on her light in the way that majority of risen can; no flaming knives, no golden gun. she also can’t utilise the light for mobility; no blink, no double or triple jumping. similarly, the light’s healing capabilities are greatly diminished for sol, having simply a far more advanced recovery time compared to the average lightless person’s healing factor. although sol is able to be rezzed conventionally, it takes considerable & concentrated effort for ghosty to reconstruct her. however, sol's light offers incredible regeneration capabilities. after endurance training & practice over centuries, sol can run at full sprint for as long as she wishes. she doesn’t need to eat; the light regenerates her cells in place of needing nutrition (sorta photosynthesis style). sleep is similarly something she does not necessarily need. however, regeneration does not equate with healing or rest. sol can push her body to the extreme but she will feel the effects of this. if she sprints for days without stopping, she’ll feel the effects on her body. if she goes without sleep for weeks, she’ll feel the exhaustion that comes with it. the body keeps the score.