This will be a beautiful death

I'm jumping out the window. I'm letting everything go.

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STUPID

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Purposefully avoiding refilling my queue because I know Eridan and I won't be together to see the end of it.

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Reading Shakespeare's sonnets and crying like a fucking idiot

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Sitting here sobbing like an idiot

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You know what you are

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I don't feel well.

Some sleep should fix me up.

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That's terrible to say.

Life isn't about give and take.

He doesn't have to make sacrifices for me to care about him.

It'd be selfish of me to say that.

If someone needs me, I'm always gonna help them if I can. That's the right thing to do, I think.

I just won't overextend myself for people who don't deserve it.

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I don’t think I’m gonna do Mora anymore favors from now on.

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Am I gonna get in trouble for saying all that stuff

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I dunno what to do about it, though. He's my best friend and I love him. No one's closer to me than him. Maybe Sister, but she and I have a much different dynamic. Eridan, too, but I don't really feel safe talking to him sometimes. I'm always afraid of saying the wrong thing because I don't want to get in trouble.

Like what happened today. I was just trying to talk with him but I said the wrong thing and all of a sudden, everything's awful and I still don't know what to say to him and I still expect to get in trouble.

It felt like things were getting better, too.

It always happens when he starts talking about that stuff.

I don't even think I really like the road he's taking. Not that I'd ever be able to say anything about it. And even if I did, it's just because ~I don't understand.~

I'm not an idiot.

I can't talk to Eridan about any of this either. He's already dealing with so much, and it'd be selfish to pile more worry on him.

I really do have to know, though. About what he wants to do.

Since Vati told him to break up with me, though, even if it's temporary in intention, I'm sure that's what he's going to do.

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Ugh Karkat is probably offline now and I don't wanna start talking to him again if he IS gonna go offline so im just

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Punches myself in the fucking throat god Karkat is so good to me I don't understand life anymore

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I still have his window open like a goddamn idiot

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Haha wow I messed up I can't wait for someone to show up and yell at me

[maxcarvers-blog]

ughuhgufh you know that feeling where you want someone SO BAD like not even in a sexual way like you just want to touch their skin and hug them and feel their warmth and smell their scent and feel how soft their hair is and look into their eyes and hear their voice and soak in their presence like it’s physically impossible to have them by your side but you need it so bad like you just want them to be yours you want them physically there for you

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I wish my friends got along better with Eridan. Karkat especially. It's awful having to decide if I want to spend time with one group or the other.

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Today's forecast:

Anxious