You’ve heard of “i didn’t say it was good, i said i liked it,” get ready for “i said it had some technical problems & didn’t fully deliver on its themes, not that i didn’t like it”
#I voiced a criticism of some of its aspects#which in no way implies I did not like it#“and especially does not imply that I would like to hear a defense of it of the form 'shut up and let people have fun'”
you can’t separate transmisogyny from racism. the radical feminism movement is so overwhelmingly white because their idea of what a woman is is so thoroughly steeped in white supremacy.
Why wouldn't the pinnicle of human achievement be hedonism and pleasure for pleasures sake? People aren't lazy, we're hardwired to follow the path of least resistance. "I study math so my sons may study art" I harvest so my children may grow up well fed. Kill the protestant in your brain. There is no dignity in toil. Life doesn't need to cruel and hard. If we have the resources to feed everyone (we do) and house everyone (we do) and give everyone healthcare (we do) why shouldn't we strive to live lives filled with decadent meals and extravagant portions? Why shouldn't every day be a feast? Our ancestors and forefathers fought and starved so we could live comfortably!!!
women have been doing the heteropessimism/heterofatalism thing at me for actual decades ("ohhhhh i wish i was a lesbian! men are so awful but i'm straight so what can you do. i guess i can just live alone boo hoo" etc. etc.) & it has always annoyed me but at this point i'm about ready to pop off the next time it happens in person. not only is it weird & disingenuous to say to people you perceive as lesbians but imo it just exposes your absolute shit taste in dudes & lack of imagination
somebody at a zine show earlier this year spent several minutes expounding to me on her zine compiling all the horrible "types" of men she's been on dates with locally & i was like "wow yeah huh. that sucks. sorry that keeps happening to you." she did the straight woman song & dance, ohhh this is my cross to bear, guys are just awful why do i have to be attracted to them! & it was all i could do not to just ask her if she's ever actually tried anything else. not even "have you ever dated a woman" - have you ever been on a date with guy who isn't straight. what about a guy who isn't cis. do you only date guys of a particular age or cultural background? only guys you find in a very specific set of places? what are your criteria for going on a first date with a man, & is it possible that the choices you're making are in fact part of the equation of "all men [in my life] are awful"?
like...i am OBVIOUSLY not some fucking men's rights incel-apologist here, "why do women only want the bad ones, not all men are like that" lmfao nor am i going to argue that the system of patriarchy doesn't result in widespread extremely shitty behavior among a variety of men! possibly even a majority along certain other axes of identity/privilege! but at the same time i am more than a little concerned about how low many straight women's standards seem to be & also how, idk, weirdly attached most "heteropessimist" women still are to normative gender roles & their much-bemoaned status as heterosexual
i do actually think you could try dating women too. or non-binary people. or just different kinds of men! figure out what it actually is that you like - a kind of gender presentation? certain body types/parts? i don't even care i'm not trying to interrogate your preferences i'm just saying, you have probably not exhausted your options & every time you tell me i'm "so lucky" to be queer i am getting this much closer to responding "DON'T DIE WONDERING"
Ha, I just had this conversation at work where it is a woman-dominated field (of the 50 or so employees that work there, 4 are men [and that's including me as a trans man] and we also have 1 nonbinary worker) and the straight women at the reception desk were talking about how it sucks to date men and how the two bisexual women were soooooo lucky to be bi (even though one of them is literally engaged to a man??? She is literally still with a man, folks.)
And there was a lot of "men are stinky and don't take care of themselves unlike women" "men aren't emotionally mature and tend to be closed off" "men are dogs and only want sex" and I'm not saying this isn't true, because it is true that many especially cishet white men are really bottom of the barrel level partners... but I am frustrated that this happens because of a system that allows it. These dudes think the behavior is cute and continue to act this way because the world around them does not expect better of them, writing it off as just being how guys are and never once challenging them to be better than that.
While queer men and men of color have their own problems to be sure, I will say there is a reason we see overall less of these complaints in these men specifically because of cultural challenges to men who act like this and a lack of willingness to tolerate this sort of behavior from them. It's not that gay men are inherently better at taking care of themselves, at personal hygiene and emotional maturity, or at regulating sexual need with other forms of closeness in a relationship. It's that a lot of gay culture does not tolerate or write off the bottom of the barrel behaviors that are encouraged by the patriarchy itself, and thus it quickly becomes clear that this behavior is not cute and won't be allowed to continue.
And it also bothers me because never once do these women consider a third possibility to their choice of "become gay" vs "date guys they actually don't like at all" which is: consider queerplationic arrangements. Romantic friendships. Kitchen table poly FWB agreements. A roommate that you may in fact be totally nonsexual with but have a deep and profound soulmate-like bond to share. Or like. Date dudes of different races and sexualities and backgrounds and see if maybe part of your problem is the choosing pool you're in itself.
Literally the bi woman who is engaged to a man stated that actually she had these same problems ***while dating women*** and then knew that her future husband was The One after he handled the discussion of her bisexuality with far more grace than anyone else had ever before. She also stated that previously all of her relationships both man and women had been white, and the dude she's marrying is Vietnamese, and that slight adjustment for race seems to have fixed much of her problems because of, again, a cultural challenge to the behavior she didn't enjoy. AND she is not ignorant to the way her fiance's mother treats him as the specialist boy who has ever existed while being harshly critical of his female relatives- but neither is he, nor is *he* tolerant of that behavior either.
Yes, male privilege and male entitlement are both incredibly frustrating things to deal with as not only oppressive forces but also as an active problem with many women's dating lives. But also treating these as though they are inherent to the men displaying these behaviors rather than challenging those same men to be better is actively contributing to the problem, as it takes all responsibility and accountability away from the problematic men themselves and writes them off with yet more "boys will be boys" mentality.
I do not tolerate this behavior in my romantic partners nor in my friendships. Neither should you. Neither should anyone.
been seeing a lot of people locked into trans discourse express disdain that "ugh the trans unity people want us to all hold hands and pretend there is no beef" and it demonstrates such an inability to see a bigger picture.
I'm nonbinary, and in recent years the people who have been the most exorsexist to me have been binary trans people. Binary trans folks, yall piss me off every damn day on this website. And if I was unable to see past short-sighted ideas that prioritized comfort above autonomy, safety, liberation, authenticity, I could conclude that binary trans people are my biggest enemy. But they aren't. Not even close.
It's not trans people following you into bathrooms, it's not trans people shouting shit when you walk past, it's not trans people killing us. If we want to play oppression olympics, I've got more reason to hate you guys than you do to hate each other, but it's such a cowardly position to take. It's so inauthentic.
Not because trans people aren't doing harm in this shit storm, the race to acceptance and assimilation comes with a body count, but the crabs in your bucket are not the ones who put us here.
This is WHY I am critical of ideology and not of groups. Reactionary movements are an attempt to take back power as a powerless group, but it only empowers you to violence over other powerless people, because your power is granted BY the oppressors. We must build power as a collective against them.
Trans unity is not a fake-smile-we-all-love-each-other bullshitfest, it is a recognition that we are not each other's enemies, even when we are not each other's friends. The shittiest trans woman deserves the things I am fighting for, the most vile trans guy MUST have access to what we are dreaming of. That is the point. And my unity extends to cis people, not just because i do not want to be another barrier to the closeted trans person finding people who will take them in, but because the gendered liberation of cis people is tied to my liberation too.
We are on lists, we are struggling to afford our care, we are abused by people and systems beyond our control, and fighting against a massive machine for our right to live. Of course it makes sense that bullying someone you think is doing transness wrong makes you feel big. Of course it makes sense that you think policing hard borders stops people from getting what you are afraid of losing. But it doesn't work like that. We are too intertwined that cutting each other off is like cutting off our own arm out of spite. Our oppressors LOVE that you have one less arm to fight them with--it doesn't do shit to them!
But it feels like control. It feels like action. When you feel stuck and hopeless, doing something, often especially out of anger FEELS like progress--like movement.
We do not preach "loving" our fellow trans people out of a naive belief that we could all just get along, but because the only way to survive is to survive together. The only way to thrive is to celebrate the wins of others. The only way to move forward is with all of us.
Because if you whittle and whittle away at "threats" and cut down on your circle until only those you can "really" trust who "fully" understands you inherently--rather than meet them and build collective understanding--eventually the only one who will be left is you, and if other trans people are your enemy, how do you think it goes when it's just you vs yourself in the end?
GIVEN | Discovering the TRUE intention behind Shizu's actions in Mix_8 completely changed my view on the Shizuragi ship
I've gotta admit at first, I really didn't like Shizu. What he did to Hiiragi in Mix_8/Chapter 38 almost made me lose all respect for him. But upon rereading the manga,
HOLY SHIT I REALISED THAT
SHIZU is actually one of the MOST SELFLESS characters in Given 😭❤️
There is TOTALLY A DEEPER REASON AS TO WHY Shizu did what he did and it made me appreciate
JUST HOW WELL WRITTEN THE SHIZURAGI ARC IS 🤯
[manga spoilers ahead!]
To understand his actions, we have to jump around the manga a bit haha.
So in Chapter 41, we find out through Hiiragi's flashbacks about the Golden origami paper that baby Shizu never actively tries to get what he actually wants. 😞 😞 😞
This is quite odd because normally kids fight over things they want and Shizu kind of gives up before trying.
Foster Kid Struggles
Now jumping back to Chapter 33, the way Shizu behaves with origami paper makes sense if we remind ourselves that he's a foster kid T_T
Being a foster kid made him grow up believing that he doesn't have the right to have nice things, that he is not deserving of what he wants, what he loves, because in the end, he'll be ABANDONED anyway. He probably got passed from foster homes to foster homes, families to families, nothing he wanted stayed permanent.
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So now let's look at the earlier conversation that he has with Mafuyu in the same chapter. Mafuyu actually goes to Shizu to ask him for advice about whether to commit to Given and music. However, Shizu accidentally goes on a bit of tangent about how even though he is in love with Hiiragi and Hiiragi is basically all he has, he suspects Hiiragi is in love with Yuki because of HOW MUCH HIIRAGI IDOLIZES YUKI. In fact he points out that their childhood squad was actually entirely YUKI-CENTRIC.
Without actually intending to, this is Shizu's abandonment insecurities coming through. Unfortunately, Shizu's whole life affirms to him that he is ALWAYS LEFT OUT in everything he does. HE FEELS LIKE HE HAS TO just endure the pain of living in Yuki's shadow to continue to stay beside Hiiragi. As we see from the origami paper flashback, Shizu has just always lived life without complaints, taking what he gets because that's all he's been able to get growing up as a foster kid. T_T
And when he says
"I totally went off topic huh..."
This line says everything about how much it actually hurts Shizu. Shizu isn't a character who displays a lot of emotions on his face but he loses composure in this very small panel and this is very telling about how this actually really bothers him. He then says,
"That's why I'm okay with it even if it'll be an endless struggle."
This line (above) is so important because the question we gotta ask ourselves as readers is,
IS SHIZU ACTUALLY OK WITH IT THO?
The next page, Shizu tells Mafuyu that if Mafuyu doesn't have the resolve and tenacity to continue with Ue and music, the right thing to do is to LEAVE.
Only for Shizu HIMSELF to realise the contradiction in his own words.
Shizu right after his conversation with Mafuyu starts to realise that he's being a hypocrite and goes on a MASSIVE INNER MONOLOGUE about all the amazing qualities that Hiiragi has. He then says
"I want to defile that."*
*I'll talk about this quote in more detail later
Shizu feels like Hiiragi is becoming even more amazing as of late and he feels the distance between himself (who he views as "embittered, apathetic") and Hiiragi is growing further apart.
And even more importantly, according to Shizu, Hiiragi is now on par with Yuki's level of "dazzling"ness, a league that previously both Shizu and Hiiragi deemed UNTOUCHABLE.
While Hiiragi retrospected in Chapter 39, that he was happy being the spectators of MafuYuki's world, it's clear that Shizu thinks of Hiiragi as being as amazing as Yuki.
✨The Glittering Pebble Symbolism✨
What this tells me is that Shizu, who feels like he is not deserving of having his needs and wants fulfilled, is coming to terms with the fact that
he might be HOLDING HIIRAGI BACK, he is KEEPING HIIRAGI from realising his full potential.
Taking in the context of his conversation with Mafuyu, Shizu realises that
the right thing to do is to let Hiiragi go because he no longer has the resolve or tenacity to keep being Hiiragi's emotional support while also trying to keep up with Hiiragi's level of 'dazzling'ness because ultimately, he believes that he is no longer worthy of Hiiragi.
That's why in that last panel, he thinks to himself
"Shit...I'm a real arsehole huh...."
Shizu feels guilt. He was only trying to treasure Hiiragi like a glittering pebble because he wants to keep Hiiragi all to himself.
BUT TO SHIZU,
Hiiragi has now evolved to match the level of 'dazzling'ness of Yuki, the league of the Sun*
*I'll cover why Hiiragi is compared to the sun in a second. Chapter 33's glittering pebble symbolism marks the beginning of Kizu's setup for a series of celestial body metaphors and astrology metaphors to describe Shizuragi in the later chapters.
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Which brings me to Chapter 38.
THIS COVER NOW MAKES SO MUCH SENSE.🤯😭
His intention all along was to
PROVOKE HIIRAGI TO LEAVE HIM.
Shizu knows that the moment he speaks his truth, Hiiragi is going to get triggered and defensive because Hiiragi won't be used to Shizu confronting him with a hard truth. But we gotta realise that Shizu is PURPOSELY NOT LISTENING TO HIIRAGI. His actions are purposefully amplified to be extra awful!
THIS IS COMPLETELY IN CHARACTER! Referencing the origami flashback, just like Shizu can't actively pursue what he wants in life, it hurts him too much for him to make the final hard decision so he leaves that up to Hiiragi.
Up until this point, Shizu's been so incredibly kind and caring towards Hiiragi by being a great emotional support. BUT HERE, Shizu is trying to be the worst version of himself on purpose
so that Hiiragi will not view himself as below Yuki, but on par with Yuki in the league of the dazzling Sun.
(Are you crying I'm crying)
The cover of Mix_4/Ch 33, is a direct reference to Mix_8/Ch38! Shizu expects Hiiragi to storm away when he said and did all these confrontational things. Because he finally spoke his truth, Shizu believes that he just killed any chance of them being together (he just ended their world) but that means Hiiragi can be broken from Yuki's shadow for good. But he had to speak the truth because he doesn't have the tenacity and resolve to keep up with Hiiragi like this anymore. As a foster child with abandonment issues, Shizu internalised that he cannot have what he wants, he has to live in suffering to not be abandoned. He wanted to kill any hope within himself of a potential Shizuragi relationship so that the last glimmer of his hopes of dreams will die and he will be able to commit to Hiiragi without anymore pain. Shizu is trying to commit “emotional suicide” for himself and help raise Hiiragi's self-esteem by provoking Hiiragi to hate him.
Shizu/Ugetsu parallels
Just a small observation but something I found interesting, Shizu is a foil to Ugetsu in a way. Ugetsu breaks up with Akihiko but finds it hard to fully let go because Akihiko is all he has. So Ugetsu keeps provoking Akihiko to try and get Akihiko to finally leave him.
(P.S I actually read this really interesting post by @morievna after I finished writing this meta where she also pointed out the parallels between Shizu and Ugetsu where they both accidentally reveal their dark states of mind to Mafuyu. Ugetsu and Mafuyu talk in Chapter 17)
Hiiragi is Shizu's whole world just like how Akihiko is Ugetsu's whole world. However, Ugetsu provokes Akihiko by equating him to dirty trash while Shizu provokes Hiiragi by scaring him that he may have to get down and dirty if he is to stay with Shizu.
Ugetsu puts Akihiko down while Shizu puts himself down.*
*THIS IS ABSOLUTELY FASCINATING. I will come back to talk about this point as well.
BUT LUCKY FOR SHIZU,
Hiiragi pulls an uno reverse card 😍😍😍
Yes, Hiiragi may have been shaken for a moment in Chapter 38-39,
but he comes back evermore sure that he loves Shizu.
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💫CELESTIAL BODY METAPHORS💫
While Shizu views Hiiragi like the dazzling SUN 🌞, Hiiragi realises what Shizu is trying to do. He comes to the conclusion that he doesn't need to become the Sun. Instead, Hiiragi returns to Shizu who he now realises is the MOON 🌙 that has always been there for him.
Shizu being the moon 🌙 makes Hiiragi the earth 🌎
Kizu is also absolutely referencing Shizu and Hiiragi's astrological signs. Hiiragi is a TAURUS which is a...you guessed it, EARTH SIGN!
@raine-kai and @edragoon had a discussion a while back about when Shizu says this line in Chapter 33,
*"I want to defile that"
the word "defile" has DIRT, SOIL and GROUNDING symbolism in the original Japanese character. 🤯🤯🤯(KIZU YOU'RE SO FUCKING POETIC WHAT THE HELL)
Shizu is saying that he wishes Hiiragi to be the earth that could just have Shizu and only Shizu tending to him. Now it totally makes sense as to why Shizu has been following Hiiragi his whole life! Shizu has always been ORBITING around Hiiragi 🤯🤯🤯
But Shizu realises this is incredibly selfish because in his eyes, Hiiragi is already like the sun, someone with lots of fans and followers. But Hiiragi himself doesn't believe this because he still thinks of himself as below Yuki. Shizu wants to PROPEL Hiiragi's self-esteem in Chapter 38 by putting himself down so that Hiiragi will not want to stay in his orbit but aim to fly higher.
*What hints us that Shizu sees Hiiragi as the Sun?
In Chapter 39, while for a second Hiiragi gets transfixed by
“the blazing sunset”
he realises Shizu is the one who stops him from literally going OFF the RAILS!!! Shizu may have felt guilt for wanting to cherish Hiiragi for himself only but Hiiragi actually found that emotionally grounding. @nikinramblings does a great meta on the railing metaphor, definitely check it out!
In Chapter 41, Hiiragi realises that Shizu was trying to AMPLIFY Hiiragi's need for SELF-IMPORTANCE so that Hiiragi himself can feel like the Sun and dissolve his idolisation of Yuki. We know this because the Hiiragi says,
"you made me your god with a single sheet of golden origami"
the words "god" and "golden" all alludes to the Sun. Hiiragi sees through Shizu's actions and comes to terms with the fact that he doesn't want that. He says,
"I want to belong to him (Shizu)."
Hiiragi realises he doesn't need to be the Sun, a star that burned too bright and too quickly. Through the Yuki-Ueno song demo, it dawns on Hiiragi just how much Shizu's lunar orbits (emotional support) have been saving him. What he envied about MafuYuki, he actually had with Shizu all along, a love that is genuine and simple. Hiiragi finally accepts his role of being the 🌎Earth 🌎 because he's happy with just Shizu by his side.
What's more mindblowing is that the moon orbits the Earth once every 27 days. It also takes approx 27 days for the moon to rotate once on its axis.
While the moon is held in orbit around the Earth by force of gravity, the moon keeps the same face pointing towards the Earth AT ALL TIMES! 🤯🤯🤯
(Is Kizu an astronomer? Using a moon and earth metaphor to THIS EXTENT to describe how enamoured Shizu is with Hiiragi just sends me straight to heaven holy shit)
Hiiragi metaphorical growth from glittering pebble -> provoked to become the sun -> then realises he is happy being earth is WHY Shizu is ecstatic and can't believe that Hiiragi comes back in Chapter 41. Shizu then wants to test just how committed Hiiragi actually is towards him, just how much Hiiragi is willing to get his hands 🌎"dirty" and "soiled" 🌎for him.
Why does he want to test Hiiragi you ask? Well, Shizu's whole life has been witnessing Hiiragi idolizing Yuki day and night, of course he wants to be sure that Hiiragi is not just spewing empty words! He wants to make sure Hiiragi follows through with his actions!
Chapter 41, let's talk about it
I wanted to clarify some things about Chapter 41 as well. It seems like "Hiiragi is suffering" 😰(dw that's what I thought at first) BUT now with everything in context, that’s not the case at all:
1. Hiiragi has probably been thinking about having sex with Shizu since Chapter 22 thanks to Mafuyu LOLLLLL. (refer to Point 7 of the post I linked) Also it was Hiiragi that came into Shizu's room implying that he's ready to take their relationship to the next level.
"Don't put on airs and give up on the things you want! Don't act so cold and detached!"
This quote shows us that Hiiragi wants Shizu to actively go after what he wants.
2. Shizu actually asks for consent FOUR TIMES.
First time, when Shizu says "It's like you're offering a sip of water to a person wandering in the dessert parched" and Hiiragi says while blushing and taking off his jacket, "Well it's ok if you drink...every drop" (this is actually so freaking adorable and sooo hot now that I finally understand Shizuragi (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄ . Also, KIZU's earth/nature symbolism but let me remind you too that Shizu's star sign is SCORPIO, which is a WATER SIGN 💦🤯
Second time, Shizu says "Do you understand what I am about to do? You're gonna bawl for sure" and Hiiragi says, "I WILL NOT" (defensive Princess Hiiragi is so cute)
Third time, Shizu says "I'm gonna put my fingers in here too, are you ok with that?" and Hiiragi says, "Shut your face I know tha-" (Hiiragi is trying to hide how much of a freaking virgin he is LOL)
Fourth time, Shizu says "wanna stop?" and Hiiragi outrightly shouts "SHUT IT! DON'T STOP! STOP ASKING FOR PERMISSION for EVERY LITTLE THING YOU IDIOT" and this is where Hiiragi gives Shizu his full consent.
THIS IS A PIVOTAL MOMENT FOR SHIZURAGI. It's no longer Hiiragi leading the relationship here. In the intimacy department, it's Shizu leading.😍👏😍
That's why Shizu is SOOOO OVERJOYED that he does that creepy-ass smile (lol that smile scares me). He probably doesn't even know how to smile because this is probably the SECOND time in his life that he's smiled (awwww T_T)
3. When Hiiragi is wailing "ahhh no way" "what is this" "I'm scared" according to my Japanese friends, NONE of them meant a hard "no" or telling Shizu to "stop". They were more like "omg this is overwhelming, what is happening?!" Which is perfectly normal if this is your FIRST time having sex EVER and with the person you LOVE.
4. Hiiragi crying can also be perceived as cathartic crying because he is finally seeing an emotionally expressive side of Shizu and that's understandably pretty overwhelmingly relieving! Like imagine seeing someone you love smile for the first time in such a long time, someone who never goes after what they want finally going after what they want, I reckon I would also be pretty emotional!
Hiiragi the earth sign TAURUS 🌎, the planet with water, is "emotionally" quenching the thirst of Shizu the water sign SCORPIO 💦, a dry desolate 🌙 moon, with his tears so that Shizu can smile!
(Kizu-sensei, the dual astrology and celestial body symbolism I can't I can't- you're too amazing)
Now up until this point in Shizu's existence,
Shizu's never been given this level of FREEDOM while also being LOVED UNCONDITIONALLY by someone before.
While previously Hiiragi got emotional about anything and anyone else but Shizu while always coming to Shizu for emotional support,
Chapter 41 is Shizu, the moon, finally causing Hiiragi, the earth, to have tidal waves of overwhelming emotions.
Now with everything in context, Shizu's confession isn't dramatic at all, it makes total sense, he really did put it in as simple words as he possibly could. This is everything he could ever want!!! The Shizuragi romance is explosive because it was previously clouded with Yuki trauma and idolisation. The moment the fog started to clear, everything clicked into place.
That's why in Chapter 42, it feels like Shizu has a sudden ~peRsOnaLiTy sWiTcH~ where he went from previously having such low self-esteem to suddenly obnoxiously bragging to Ue. Hiiragi's reciprocation gives him a renewed sense of purpose in life where he is willing to do whatever it takes, MORE THAN EVER BEFORE, to stay by Hiiragi's side now knowing that Hiiragi loves him too.
(Bruh. Holy shit. Everything makes sense)
___
So, going back to this question...
*Why did Akigetsu end and Shizuragi work out?
I think this is SOOO interesting to think about. Both couples, all four of them give us the sense that they grew up from broken families where they had NO ONE but each other. As children of abandonment, both couples' love are so intense where they couldn't help but cling onto each other.
(there are a lot more reasons but I'm just going to stick to the ones that compare the two couples)
Akigetsu ended because Ugetsu realised that even though Akihiko understood him on a level that no one else ever would, Akihiko still idolised Ugetsu, and that caused him suffering. But Ugetsu's attempt to break them up is to continue to exacerbate that insecurity, to elongate that distance by putting Akihiko down as lower trash. Akihiko then feels worse and worse causing him to lash out and shut down rather than actually be able to view the situation objectively.
Shizuragi worked out because Shizu idolised Hiiragi and realised that Hiiragi had low self-esteem and idolized Yuki. Shizu's reaction is to put himself down rather than glorify Hiiragi verbally, he elongates that distance by leaving Hiiragi where he is and SCARING him into thinking that he has to stoop down to Shizu's level of lower trash. Therefore, Hiiragi just has to stay where he is and look at everything with clearer eyes. And thankfully, Hiiragi, with the help of the Yuki-Ueno song, does gain a more objective view on the situation and decides to still choose Shizu even after all the provoking.
Shizu and Akihiko are mirrors as well. Akihiko was not good at holding Ugetsu accountable and just endured Ugetsu's self-sabotaging actions (the mug scene is a great example). But Shizu held Hiiragi accountable for emotionally dumping on him in Mix_8. YOU NEED THAT IN A RELATIONSHIP, TO HOLD EACH OTHER ACCOUNTABLE.
Hiiragi and Ugetsu are also mirrors being the ones that are more overtly idolized in their relationship. But Hiiragi did what Ugetsu should have done, Hiiragi encouraged Shizu to go after what he wants, that Shizu is worthy to not give up on his dreams and hopes. So if Ugetsu encouraged Akihiko to practise harder so that they can be together rather than belittle him, Akihiko I reckon would have been able to stay where he was and view the situation more objectively.
(DO YOU SEE HOW WELL THE SHIZURAGI RELATIONSHIP IS CRAFTED?! FURTHERMORE, I LOVE THAT THE ALL GIVEN COUPLES ARE CROSS-MIRRORS OF EACH OTHER IN SOME WAY!!!)
Shizuragi, as children of abandonment, are now bound to each other more than ever. Of course this means there is heightened level of co-dependency (as we can see that Shizu now brags about how he still revolves around Hiiragi hmnnnnn....not healthy) so I hope that Kizu will address this at a later point.
-> I have a theory.... I feel that SYH might disband soon after their debut, not because Shizuragi will break up, but because they might realise they don't need music and the band to stay together. The reason why I think this is because the moment Mafuyu joined, the Seasons rebranded as themselves as Given the band. SYH stayed as SYH even though the vibe and style of the band has changed a lot since Yuki's passing. Isn't that fascinating? As much as I love SYH, I think disbanding is potentially a good thing, I don't think either Shizu or Hiiragi are truly passionate about music as they are just trying to use music as a way to hold onto each other and to hold onto the past (at least in my eyes). They might disband or they might rebrand, that's my feeling.
With Given,
you have to read in between the lines and constantly question the deeper meaning behind the characters' actions and words.
Kizu specifically chose a non-linear way of storytelling because it reflects real life where you don't have all the pieces of the puzzle handed to you at the same time. You have to figure it out, bit by bit, remember the details of people's past, notice how and why people contradict themselves at times, have the patience to listen and be supportive even when things don't immediately make sense. Given is a masterpiece because it shows us that
People are both flawed and beautiful.
Masterlist of my Given Metas
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-> IMPORTANT NOTE: I just want to say that as a woman interpreting Given, I do not have any lived experiences of being in a gay relationship so my interpretations may lack certain nuances. But as a gay-ally, I think it is so important to keep listening to those who have lived experiences. So I highly recommend you reading @a-voice-of-my-own's AO3 fanfic GOLDEN. I read this fanfic after I wrote this post and it was a fantastic read! I think it provides some wonderful insight into Shizu's inner monologue during this arc!
The complexities of Ugetsu, and why he is my favourite character in Given
This may be a bit incoherent and quick, I wrote most of it at 10pm.
While I have conflicted opinions on the Given movie, my favourite aspect by far is the portrayal of Akihiko and Ugetsu’s incredibly toxic relationship, which I think was examined through such a fascinating lens. Ugetsu’s a controversial character and for good reason. When I say I’m an ‘Ugestu fan,’ I’m not excusing his actions. He did awful stuff in that movie, however I feel the complexities of his character get brushed aside, treating him as a stock villain in the way of Akihiko and Haruki’s romance. While the toxicity was mutual, Ugetsu was indeed in an imbalanced situation of power over Akihiko due to the apartment (having the power to drive Akihiko out whenever he pleased, leading the latter to sell his body for a place to stay – yeah, not a good look). But here me out.
Yes, he was awful.
Keyword. Was.
Ugetsu’s development is subtle, but incredibly beautiful.
From a viewer's eye, Ugetsu is indeed a figure of antagonism at the beginning of Given (and not just for getting in the way of Akiharu the moment Haruki's feelings are established). He holds the apartment over Akihiko’s head, cruelly breaks the mug gift, lets his perfectionism taint his interactions, sleeps around to jab at Akihiko and takes their situationship for granted, despite claiming he’s already moved on. In addition, he vocally pins this on Aki - “I dumped him but he never left me.” All terrible actions that immediately make him off putting to the audience (for good reason - he’s incredibly toxic at this point). These perceptions are further fuelled by the visual cues of portraying Ugetsu’s sexual encounters as much more explicit than any of the other characters - especially Haruki, who has expressed little on-screen interest in “sleeping” with anyone except a comment regarding his ex. Meanwhile, Ugetsu’s body is often depicted on full display - the chapter 16 splash art, the argument between him and Akihiko to name a few examples. I feel this causes him to fall into a stock trope of “the seductive other” in an audiences eyes - a scandalous foil to the ‘purer’ Haruki, whose sexual interests are much less explicit (as of the first movie ) - think of the contrast of Heike Makatsch and Emma Thompson’s characters in Love Actually. Of course, this is all visual coding which may of may not have been intentional - Ugetsu and Haruki are very different people after all. But by contrasting him against Haruki, you paint a picture of how Ugetsu became the way he is.
First, Ugetsu’s dependency. In episode 7, Aki reveals he was Ugetsu’s “first and only friend,” which eventually developed into their relationship. And this has been since their FIRST YEAR in high school. Until he meets Mafuyu, Ugetsu’s support system consists of JUST Aki - even his other romantic relationships are simple flings he just boots Aki out for (“Invite your new viola boyfriend.” “Nah. I just like his looks.”) Aki is ALL he has (and vice versa, due to Akihiko’s unwillingness to truly open up to Haruki about his issues - but those parallels are for another day). It’s only through his newfound relationship with Mafuyu (who sought for HIM PERSONALLY for advice) that he is finally able to let go - reluctantly - in the final moments of the movie. And only with Mafuyu’s reassurance through “Day Will Break Soon” is he able to do so. (Side note, Ugetsu and Akihiko’s final breakup is my second favourite moment in ALL of given).
Contrast this to Haruki’s wide support system. Take-chan, who he was quick to go to when in need of a place to stay (a direct parallel to Akihiko here). Hanaoka, Uenoyama, even Akihiko, who Haruki still idolises before that scene. Haruki himself is a supporter - his role in the band (and show) is to uplift others, to be the glue holding them together. His entire character is built around his social circle.
Ugetsu can definitely be read as a perfectionist with a complex for superiority. We see it in his interactions with both Akihiko and Mafuyu - for Akihiko, his prestige in violin becomes a source of a lot of their problems, both literally and metaphorically. This air of superiority is what leads Ugetsu to refuse to leave Akihiko himself - instead waiting for Akihiko to take the first steps (which perhaps he doesn't want to be taken at all). Ugetsu keeps his true desires under wraps, their constant cycle of break-up, make-up, friendship and intimacy carrying on for several years during the manga's plot. Deep down, Ugetsu is incredibly afraid of losing his last connection - he loves Akihiko, but loves the violin more, as he states during the movie. He's unwilling to let go of his pride in their relationship - his seniority in the violin (which can be linked to other factors too). However, his perfectionism instead draws the more literal-minded Mafuyu closer, as he seeks out Ugetsu's personal tutelage and aims to break through to his core. Since high school, this is the first time anyone has done so - and platonically at that.
This may be my favourite illustration in all of Given, simply because it sums up SO WELL how Akihiko and Ugetsu’s relationship is still on life support. Despite the pain their relationship has caused, both cling to those innocent memories of first love in high school, before the financial and musical pressures of their adult lifestyles broke down their relationship. Unlike Haruki, who’s been through at least two relationships in the past, Ugetsu still clings to the bittersweet remnants of first love (and Akihiko in return). Furthermore, its interesting how Mafuyu, whose arc heavily involves learning its okay to rediscover love with someone new, is the one who breaks through Ugetsu’s walls. Akihiko and Ugetsu deeply struggle to let go of their cherished high school relationship. But the smile in Akihiko’s photo is simply a memory. One that’s long gone.
Post break up, when Ugetsu meets back with Mafuyu, he’s in a much healthier place. He even mentions having possible friendships (the acquaintance who he rents from, as well as the surge of texts he gets when he wins a contest in his bonus chapter.) Through creating and maintaining new relationships beyond meaningless intimate encounters to spite Aki, Ugetsu is able to become a much healthier person (I mean just look at how much happier he looks in the manga’s art at that point.)
Moreover, while Aki and Ugetsu never meet again, scenes in the final arc Ugetsu himself the chance to walk away from the relationship (rather than simply accept the other party walking away). At the final concert, we get a beautiful moment where Ugetsu turns to leave for his plane, Akihiko mere feet apart from him as he cheers on Ueno. It took me ages to realise the purpose of this scene – to emphasise how much these two have finally moved on, to be so close to each other, yet even never catching each others’ eyes. Both focus on their own passions – Aki’s on the stage in front of him, and Ugetsu on the plane waiting for him. Both in love with their music.
One of my favourite parts of the given movie is the symbolism - the mugs, Haruki’s hair, but ESPECIALLY UGETSU’s APARTMENT. It’s cold, it’s grey, it’s underground, it’s suffocating - a perfect representation of Aki and Ugetsu’s relationship, as well as Ugetsu’s transactional nature and likely depression. Even as Akihiko begins his first steps forward, as he finds home in Haruki’s bright, warm apartment… Ugetsu is still alone in that dingy cell of a basement. Waiting for Aki.
But it’s not Aki who releases him. It’s Mafuyu.
And when he returns to America, we see him in his new apartment. He’s looking over his balcony, no longer trapped in the depths of his own toxicity. He’s moving forward, the relationship he once clung so desperately to despite the pain… all in the past.
Dismissing Ugestu as simply an antagonistic obstacle in the way of Akihiko and Haruki’s love story is an absolute disservice to such a fascinating character. Ugetsu represents the tale of a man clawing himself from the prison of his own making. Of moving forward from his depression, and the bittersweet yet damaging pleasures of high school memories. Of finally letting go of his unhealthy dependencies and perfectionism.
It’s about recovery. And finding new beginnings despite past mistakes.
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