I'm losing my senses @lakeunderwood - Tumblr Blog

Posts

Miles wanted to cry out of frustration when she agreed to what he wanted again, after he’d swallowed his pride and gone against his nature to give her what she wanted. He didn’t like games, he didn’t have the patience for them and he certainly didn’t have the temper for them. He was done with this conversation - he was so done with everything it was a little unbelievable and the one person who always gave him strength was the one that was getting to him most. He stayed quiet, not ready for whatever was going to end up coming out of his mouth if he decided to speak. He tensed when she moved forward, hands finding his face, because he wasn’t sure he could handle her touching him right then. Not when he was so angry and upset and exhausted. But as always, simply her touch was enough to ground him, to help settle his emotions, and for a moment he wondered if the witches had spelled her to be his own personal moonstone upon arriving at the Compound. When her forehead pressed against his, his weight fell slightly on her, his body still working on healing, as his arms moved to wrap around her waist. “If it was only us, I would absolutely want you by my side. But if it goes badly, I can’t stand the thought of our kids not having you. They’re so important to me, to us, and I can’t trust anyone else with them. I love you so much, and I always want you by my side. But Noel and Parker are so important. They need you the most. Please understand that,” he practically pleaded, not wanting this to be a thing that was held against him. If something happened to him, his children needed Lake. They were the future of the pack. They were everything. “I’m going to be fine - I promise. You tamed me a lot, but I was a hell of a fighter for most of my life. I’ve got this. I’ll get to you and the kids in one piece.“

Lake could feel the frustration, the barest hint but she had been so tuned in, waiting for a sign from him, that she still caught it. It was the first thing besides pain to register in hours. “I want to be able to shut up and listen whenever you tell me to do something. I wish I could. I know that would give you more confidence as Alpha. Maybe it’s because I was born into this but I can’t....I don’t know how to shut up and listen when it means you might never come back to me.” They were such heavy words for only remembering a quarter of her time with him. If she remembered it all, she’d be fucked, so gone and desperate that she would never leave his side. The pups were still the most important thing. She had to take care of them above all else. When more of his weigh sagged against her she held him up with ease, wrapping him in a strong hug so she didn’t have to see the disappointment written on his face. If he died in the battle, at least she would never have to see that look on his face again - the one where he realized the Lake he had fallen in love with was gone, replaced with a hollow shell. Not wolf, not human, not mother, not mate. She felt like a patchwork excuse for a person. “We can stay out here as long as you need to.”

Miles was starting question Lake and her inability to ever trust him or listen to him when it came to important things. And it wasn’t like he could even blame it on her current state - she’d always been like that. The more it happened, the more personally he was taking it. Sure, she had a point about her knowledge, but how was she so willing to trust their children with some random witch? If they all made it out of this situation, he was going to have to do some serious reevaluation about things - something that hurt him to even think about. A low growl rumbled from his chest without his permission when she all but tore her hands away from his and he was suddenly glad he was as weak as he was, otherwise he was sure he would have turned and tackled her right then and there. Instead he took a large step back, creating distance between them while he tried to ignore the fact that she was crying. Whatever small amount of energy he’d had left was gone and it took all he had to bend down and grab his torn up and bloody pants, stepping slowly and shakily back into them. If they ended up dying in all of this, it wasn’t like this argument would even matter. He couldn’t force her to trust him or to care more about the pups and clearly it didn’t matter anyway since she didn’t seem to be budging. God, if Noel and Ryder could see him now - they’d be ashamed of the Alpha he’d become. He clearly couldn’t lead if his own mate couldn’t bother listening to him without saying things like she’d never forgive him. Maybe it was finally time to admit that he wasn’t cut out for his position if he made it out alive. “You’re right. You know the ins and outs better than anybody. I’d be an idiot not to use that to our advantage.” Because god forbid he put his mate and their children before anything else. “Figure out what’s going on, pick the witch you trust the most and threaten them within their life if anything happens to those pups,” he said, already hating himself for allowing Lake to put herself into danger. But he’d already done enough against her for her to never forgive - he didn’t need to add to that. “Try to stay out of the actual fighting as much as you can, okay? Your wolf isn’t stable - I’d never forgive either of us if something happened to you.”

Miles caving should have felt like a victory, but instead it felt hollow. He was her Alpha. That meant something to every cell in her body, and she needed to stop fighting against it. If it meant ducking her head and being the dutiful wife who stood on the sidelines and going against her nature, she could do it for their pups. Because they were the most important thing her world. The witches weren’t as physically strong as she was, nor as fast. “I’ll give you all the details. Then you won’t need me here. I can get the pups out faster, and they’re the most important thing. I just....I can’t lose you.” It hurt to even form words, like her throat was raw from screaming. The hard throb of insecurity still weighed heavily on her chest - that he didn’t think he was strong enough, that he thought she was lesser, that he was putting other lives above his own. She’d get over it. There were more important things to focus on. Just because she couldn’t do the fighting didn’t mean she couldn’t win the battle with strategy and planning. It would take to a lot of forethought to get as many people out as possible, and to take down as many components of the security system as possible. She turned back around now that her breathing was under control, closing the distance between them slowly since she wasn’t sure how she’d be received after such an intense fight. Her palms slid up to either side of his face, shutting her eyes as she rested her forehead to his, ignoring how damp he still was. “I trust you, I do. I just can’t imagine you in battle without me right by your side. You’re it for me. If anything happens to you....” Lake tried to find the right words, stumbling and tripping because in her memories she hadn’t known him long enough for such bullshit, but everything in her body and heart screamed that it was true. “Our pack needs you. The pups need you. I need you, Alpha, mate, idiot. Please be careful.”

As much as this part of Lake drove him absolutely insane, he had always sort of loved it too. But there was a difference between being stubborn when it only risked her own life and Miles’ and having it put their children’s lives at risk. He wasn’t going to have it. “When Noel died, you were the only one who supported me in my attempt to be Alpha. You were the only one that believed in my capability to lead our pack well. When did you stop having faith and trusting me? That’s all this is. Sometimes Alphas make decisions that you don’t like, but you listen because you trust us. So trust me. I’ve been fighting longer than you’ve been alive - if you stay behind you’re only putting yourself in more danger and I’m not letting my pups grow up without you. I’m not going to die - I’m the cockroach of the Underwood clan,” he said, trying to ease the anger that was currently making him shake by trying to make his words a little lighter. She couldn’t keep questioning and challenging him like this - not if the pack was ever going to actually respect him. “There are only two witches I’ve ever trusted and one isn’t a witch anymore and the other isn’t here. I’m not going to trust the safety of my children with them when their mother is right here.” The smell of blood was hard to miss and he reached down for both of her hands, unclenching them before twining his fingers with hers to stop her from inflicting more pain on herself. “I know you’re going to be annoyed and pissed at me for a while - not that that’s any different than usual - but I need you to do this one thing for me. I don’t ask for much from you, I tend to let you get your way….this is the one time I’m asking for your faith and trust and loyalty. I will be right behind you and the kids.”

“It’s against your cause to try to use events I can’t actually remember against me,” she pointed out.” The Underwoods and the rest of the pack barring Aspen and Avani were nothing but pictures and names attached to FBI profiles. In a way, she was relieved. Her mind was something she desperately wanted control of again, but for now it made it easier to compartmentalize. Now she had to be a war general, and instead of encouraging her, Miles was trying his best to subtly control her and push her out of the picture. “I trust the witches. Maybe you’ll just have to trust my judgement instead of trying to send one of your most powerful players in this battle away. Sure, I don’t have full control of my wolf abilities. But I have access codes, weapons, mobility. I know the floorplan and who sits in every cell. And you want me to leave you here to die, instead of coming with me.” Lake wrenched her hands away from his grasp, spinning around so she could had nothing but the view of the trees so she could try to calm down. This was the final battle, a chance for her to help free those of her kind and others, and a chance to get revenge on her captors, and he was asking her to walk away from it. ‘Annoyed’ and ‘pissed’ were such small terms he was throwing around for such large emotions. “I’m never going to forgive you for this,” she told him, not a threat but a realization. If he died every memory she did have of him would be tinged with anger and regret that they never got to make new memories. And if he didn’t she would always know that even though they were married, that didn’t overturn the deep and primal wolf laws. They weren’t equals in his eyes. She was and always would be lesser to him. Alpha versus pack member, male versus female, purebred versus stray. Maybe it took losing the sentimentality of her old life to truly see it. Yet she still couldn’t lose him. Lake wasn’t sure when she had started crying but she knew when she stopped, oddly calm as she stared at the treetops and wiped the last one away the pads of her fingers. “Okay. I’ll visit you one last time before Sunday, once I’ve ironed out all the details.”

Miles had always had a temper. It had calmed exponentially since he’d met Lake and their relationship had progressed, but occasionally something happened to trigger it and the only way he could keep from freaking out was to distract himself with something. Sex or Bridezillas or more recently…his pups. But now he had nothing, nothing but the pain he was in and the serum they’d given him to try to keep his temper in check. Lake saying no to him and arguing about this was triggering. But he didn’t want to yell at her, didn’t want to waste what little energy he had on pissing her off, so he sunk back under the water, holding his breath down there as long as possible. The lack of oxygen burned in his lungs, but it helped cancel out the burn from the Wolfsbane. After what felt like a good few minutes, the light headedness helped him take his focus off of the pain and his anger and he forced himself to stay under a bit longer. He was the goddamn Alpha and she was his fucking Mate and those were their kids and he wasn’t going to back down on this. Once he felt sufficiently calmed down, he came back up to the surface, taking a deep breath to let fresh air wash over his lungs. He moved closer to the shore before exiting out of the water and heading towards her. “If I die, you and Kol watch the pack until Noel is older. This pack has an Alpha no matter what. Be a pack member, be my mate, be a mother - go with the pups. I’m going to be fine and I’ll fight better if I’m not watching you out of the corner of my eye to make sure you’re okay,” he said, trying to keep his voice and demeanor as calm as necessary. He leaned down and picked up her shoes before handing them over to her. “And maybe consider not wearing shit like this.”

The benefit of having the mate bond there was that if an emotion was strong enough, he couldn’t hide it from her. Because she was so tuned into it to see how hurt he still was, she felt the small ripple of anger. Instead of confronting him, she let him hide in the water, most likely trying to calm himself down, while she stood on the beach and fumed silently. Everything had been so heavy for so long, everything weighing on them and she had done a pretty fantastic job of not snapping. Yet now with the end so close, she felt strung out and closer to the breaking point than ever. She was not leaving without him. It wasn’t fair. It was a testament to her anger that she couldn’t even stop to admire the view as Miles surfaced, looking like a fucking swimsuit model cresting out of the water, soaked and scruffy and gorgeous despite the captivity. She didn’t realize how defensive her posture had gotten until he was standing right in front of her and she was nothing but crossed arms and tense muscles ready to fight in the most primal way possible. “If you die, I’m going to go out of my mind,” she told him, voice deadly calm. Her pups wouldn’t grow up without a father because his noble Alpha streak kicked in. He didn’t owe anyone here his life besides the mate and children he had chosen. “I will not be the wife who sits dutifully at home and hopes her husband comes home safe. I will not be the girl who lets her person go off to war alone to get killed while I sit on the sidelines. I will not set you up for death. If you’re heading into battle, I’m coming with you. If the pups and I are running, you’re running too.” Normally she was pretty certain she would hit him in a situation like this, but he was still healing so instead she turned to herself, nails digging into her palms hard until she felt blood. “I can’t lose you.”

The news of Wyatt and Ancelette hurt more than he would have thought it would and he wasn’t really sure what to do with that. So he pushed it aside, saving it for a day and a time where he could actually try to process everything. At least one wasn’t having to deal with the loss of the other. Luckily, the water was distracting and as he resurfaced, he was disappointed to see that Lake was standing by the shore, not looking like she planned on hopping in with him. How very un-Lake like. “You should come in. I’m weak - I might drown if you’re not here to save me,” he pouted. Though, yes, he was in pain and swimming was harder than he would have liked, he knew he could handle himself. He started shaking his head when she explained she was going to be with him and trust the pups with other people.”No. Absolutely not. Whatever you think might happen to me is going to happen whether you’re by my side or not. And if you’re there, it might happen to you too. And I can’t stand the thought of our pups being orphans. You’re putting the plan together - you’re the one who is making this possible. And now I can finally protect you and that’s exactly what I’m going to do. Even weakened, in a few days I’ll still be stronger than most wolves. I’ll be right behind you the whole time, I promise. And I’d rather be focused on what I’m doing than worrying about the witches taking care of our kids.”

Lake arched an eyebrow at her logic, but shook her head. If someone came out to look for her and she was wrapped up in the water with a werewolf, her credibility would be shot. This was the home stretch, and she needed to be more vigilant, not less. “Too risky. If you start drowning, I’ll come and save you. You’re a valuable government asset, after all.” She spoke softly, reminding him that anyone could still be listening or watching. They weren’t safe in the woods, even if it felt like they were. Her jaw clenched tight when he started to protest just like she suspected he would. It was those goddamn Alpha instincts telling him to protect and control, but she had her own instincts to listen to. “No. You might be used to being the Alpha, but in here I’m the one who’s in control. You can have it back as soon as we get out of here. I’m right by your side, this whole time. So either we both stay and fight together, or we both make a break for it. I’m not leaving our pack without an Alpha again.”

Miles nodded, realizing he wasn’t going to be back to full strength for the moon but luckily he was an Alpha. He was stronger anyway so hopefully it would be enough. He closed his eyes against the waves of pain, trying to will them from echoing to Lake if they were. When she helped him up, his did the best he could to help out, but she still supported more of his weight than he would have preferred. He nodded along to what she was saying, trying to focus on that instead of how exhausted he felt. “If you guys have Wyatt or any of his line, they could be good allies if possible,” he suggested, unsure who exactly the Government had gotten. The witches were definitely the best plan, though. He snarled gently at the mention of it being a blood bath, completely prepared for it. “I’ll claw and rip and gladly kill. You just make sure you and the pups get out safely,” he said. Someone had to look out for the kids and he wasn’t about to have ‘new wolf’ Lake go crazy in some all out war. Once they got to the water, he pulled away from her almost instantly, taking off what was left of his clothes before slowly, carefully making his way into the water. The cold felt good against his overheated and abused skin and he sunk underneath long enough to wet his hair and get a mouthful of water, spitting it out in an attempt to rinse out the wolfsbane and the vomit. “This is where you told me your were pregnant,” he said with a small smile, closing his eyes as he remembered the day. “It was one of the best days of my life. And I kept waiting for you to realize you were angry about it, but it never happened. You always swore you wouldn’t, but I always knew you’d be an amazing mother. I’m sorry we didn’t wait to have them until we were out of here like you wanted.” This escape could go badly and he was prepared for that. But he was going to do whatever it took to make sure those pups were out safely.

Lake tried not to be callous, unsure of how close they were. It seemed by their warring natures that most of the wolves didn’t get along with vampires, but from studying her profiles on each of the supernatural creatures, she knew the weird and complicated connections formed there. “Wyatt didn’t make it out. Neither did his sire. Because vampires are harder to detain, they had a higher rate of fatalities in the takeover.” Lake didn’t join him in the water, but with her hearing it wasn’t like it mattered. She felt a little ridiculous and unsteady standing in the sand with high heels, so she slipped them off, glancing back up in time to see him slip under the water. He’d been through so much, and she still couldn’t figure out where he got his strength. “I’ll get the pups out. The witches will be strong, stronger even than us maybe. I trust them with the pups. I’m not leaving without you.” If she turned and fled and Miles got killed trying to make sure they got out, she would never forgive herself. Swallowing thickly, she shoved her hands in the pockets of her suit jacket. “I started remembering things. Small stuff. Maybe it’s because you’ve been reminding me of so much. I know how I felt about you, and you can’t ask me to leave you behind. I’m not capable of it.”

Miles had never been in this much pain before and he wasn’t sure it was ever going to stop. Whatever they’d injected him with had weakened him and the wolfsbane was only making him weaker. “This might take a while,” he said, trying not to cough in response to the pain in his throat from the herb. “How long does that shit you used to give me last?” he asked, needing to know for his own personal knowledge right then but also so he could know what kind of shape he’d be in by Sunday if they were really going to try to escape. He knew they’d been planning on finding a way out, but given that Miles was locked in a tiny room day in and day out, it was up to Lake to come up with the plan and he wasn’t sure if she’d really nailed one out yet. “There’s a lake close to here. Can we go?” he asked, his throat still burning from the leftover wolfsbane. The lake would give him a chance to rinse off, to rinse his mouth out some. It would also give them privacy from prying ears if there were any so she could run whatever her plan was by him. Explaining that at the moment sounded exhausting, though, so he hoped she figured it out on her own and agreed.

“It builds up in your bloodstream over time. If you’d been getting daily injections, it’d take about a month. It’ll be gone in a few days.” He wasn’t going to be in good physical shape anytime soon, and he wasn’t going to get healthy until they had left the compound behind. It was a glorified prison. Lake was going to get them out, no matter what it took. Even if she had to livestream a video of the entire downfall and reveal their secret to the whole world, it would be worth it. “Yes. Come on.” Anything to get away from the pile of vomit, the mere smell of which was making her a little dizzy. The constant pain echoing through the connection was still agonizing, and it was so much duller than what he was feeling. The hopeless of their situation threatened to crush her, but there was no sense dwelling. Instead Lake took active steps, helping to support his weight again as she led them into the woods until she could hear the faint sound of lapping water. “I’ll find a way to get a message to the witches, and as many wolves as I can. Most of the vampires are a longshot so I’m not going to bother. The whole system operates on electrical security with deadbolt backups, but Seleca seems to think with the sway of a bloodmoon they could do an unlocking spell that might be able to crack it. It’s....it’ll be a bloodbath. There are a lot of agents here. We won’t just be able to leave, we’ll have to claw our way out.” The thought of killing still sat uncomfortably on her chest, but she would come to terms with it.

Part of Miles was really hoping that the bond between himself and his mate and their puppies had been distanced enough over the last few months that none of them felt anything he was going through. But as the door opened and a familiar scent and voice hit him, he knew it was only wishful thinking. Still, he was grateful when she kneeled next to him, her scent helping calm him at least a little and she was picking him up easily, supporting the majority of his weight as she took him out of the room and outside. As soon as she let him go, he fell easily into the grass and almost immediately started throwing up. The urge had been there long before then but with the tube down his throat, he hadn’t been thrilled at the prospect of choking on his own vomit. His body was sore and tired as every muscle seized and spasmed until he was pretty sure he was only throwing up parts of his insides and he quickly moved away before rolling onto his back into a patch of clean grass, breathing heavily as he tried to wait for his body to heal faster. The burn from the Wolfsbane was still there and he was fairly sure that wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. “You’re really sexy when you’re pissed off,” he said with a small laugh, his voice coming out scratchy and pained instead of the flirty he would have preferred.

Lake wanted to laugh at his joke, to break the tension and signal to him that everything was okay, but it wasn’t. Her mate had just been ripped to shreds, and if the government figured out the pups she was hiding in her room belonged to the Alpha and weren’t normal wolves, they’d get tortured to. She couldn’t let it happen. Ignoring the hideous smelling pile of vomit, she sank to the grass in a heap, knowing there was nothing she could do to speed his healing. “We’re leaving. This Sunday, on the full moon. It’s a blood moon,” she tacked on, unsure how much his instincts told him and not having her own fully in tune didn’t help. “A lunar eclipse. Won’t happen again until 2033. Eclipses strengthen the witches’ magic too, so precautions will be a little stricter but it also means everyone will be distracted. We’ll have more of a headstart.” Auora would agree to raise hell for her, as would Avani and Willow. They knew she would come back with a battalion to save them, and the government wouldn’t kill them on purpose when they were so valuable. “I’m getting you and the pups out of here.”

miles-underwood

When the door to his cell had opened, he’d been hoping it was Lake who was coming in since none of the other government agents had really bothered with him. He’d been disappointed when someone else had entered, however, and he’d instantly hoped that didn’t mean that Lake had been caught. He stayed still as he watched the man move toward him and was surprised by the needle suddenly in his throat. The chemical burned through his veins uncomfortably and he instantly recognized it from when Lake had given him the same thing to keep him weakened and from turning. He was informed that Lake was in a meeting and he was her replacement for the day, their boss disappointed in how little development they’d had with Miles since his capture. After that was a blur of constant and intense pain that lasted seemingly forever. Miles had been through a lot, was pretty adept at handling pain, but nothing could have prepared him for what the Government had in store. At one point there’d been talking, some sort of explanation he assumed - but he was in too much pain to focus on the words. It was a flurry of tasers and knives and things specifically designed to inflict damage on werewolves. His ability to heal only made it worse, only made it so that they could continue to do things to him and all he could do was hope that whatever they were testing would be over soon. Though when they shoved a tube down his throat and poured in what could only be some awful horrible combination of Wolfsbane and drain-o he was pretty sure the whole purpose of this was actually to kill him. He growled loudly as the liquid burned through his insides and he fell to the floor, curling in on himself. He wondered if he could claw through his stomach to get it all out but it hurt too much to anything other than scream through the pain.