𝐋'𝐀𝐌𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐄𝐍 𝐂𝐀𝐆𝐄 .

𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐈𝐄 . 𝐒𝐄𝐋 . 𝐆𝐔𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐁𝐄𝐂𝐊 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄 & 𝐍𝐄𝐓𝐅𝐋𝐈𝐗'𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔 . «   &   then ,   right when you thought you might just disappear ,   he saw you   &   you knew somewhere deep it was too good to be true ,   but you let yourself get swept because he was the first strong enough to lift you .   now ,   in his castle ,   you understand prince charming   &   bluebeard are the same man   &   you don't get a happy end unless you love both of him .   didn't you want this ,   to be loved ?   didn't you want him to crown you ?   didn't you ask for it ?   »

[lamourencage]

just  so  everyone  knows ,   i  love  beck   &   i’ve  missed  her  this  week .   i  haven’t  been  here  thanks  to  the  stupid  weather   &   the  fact  that  my  work  schedule’s  been  insane  because  of  it .   i  plan  on  getting  on  here  more  this  weekend  to  sort  through  memes ,   replies ,   &   finally  do  starters  as  long  as  people  are  still  interested !

[shockvvaves]

𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐘 𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐎𝐒𝐂𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐒 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐈𝐈

sentences from amrit brar’s shitty horoscopes series. you may adjust as needed. part i.

BOOK VIII: MEDICINE

❛ you might not be afraid to die, but that doesn’t mean you’re ready. ❜

❛ you were a plague none were prepared for. ❜

❛ you are the mind and the malady, the medicine and the machine. ❜

❛ assholery is incurable. unfortunately. ❜

❛ no one’s going to notice the difference between you pushing dandelions or daisies, so leave them something worth talking about. ❜

❛ there’s no rule stating that parasites can’t be pretty. ❜

❛ justice: just us. ❜

❛ anathema - me without you. ❜

❛ you aren’t obligated to be anyone’s cure. ❜

❛ some are the bandage, some are the knife, some get creative.. ❜

❛ soothe what you can, fight what you can’t. ❜

❛ the only difference between a pathogen and a person is that one is far more creative with how they’ll infect you. ❜

BOOK IX: THE BODY AND THE WRECKAGE

❛ stranger things have happened. like you. you are happening all the time and should probably stop. ❜

❛ let none be the noose. ❜

❛ take what you can and run. ❜

❛ gratuitous violence: unnecessary, satisfying, heartbreaking, and so like everything else you love. ❜

❛ understanding builds bridges, suffering grows gardens, antipathy sets both on fire for shits and giggles. ❜

❛ there is a variety of sadness that makes a home in your guts and never quite leave. ❜

❛ you could have been anyone, operating this body. the good news is that you won! the bad news is that you’re stuck with it. ❜

❛ being loathsome and lovely in equal measure is probably a talent. somewhere. ❜

❛ why fear the dead, when you can fear the living? corpses in motion, cruelty and kindness. ❜

❛ if you’re forging your own path, be prepared to light your own pyre. ❜

❛ what possessed you to come this far? no, honestly. was it cute? ❜

❛ you can’t wrestle apologies from the sea or the sun but by fuck are you every going to try. ❜

BOOK X: LOVERS & LOSERS

❛ pick a place and die there. ❜

❛ i know you mean well. ❜

❛ may fortune favour the fuckups. ❜

❛ remarkable that one plane of existence can host so much (and so little) distance. the spaces between people, ideals, fingertips, the sky and the sea. ❜

❛ learn it’s best to bite your tongue. temper the nest of hornets in your loveless mouth. ❜

❛ i worry. i worry. worry. ❜

❛ time sours, rots, renews, sours again. ❜

❛ grief and growth live hand-in-hand. ❜

❛ sleeping, like dying, delivers you from one world to the next - to rest in crypts and wake in gardens. ❜

❛ words in couples carry weight: “fuck you.” “hell no.” “oh god.” “sorry mom.” ❜

❛ make room for small, fragile things, even with bones like cement and a leaden heart. ❜

❛ you win some, you lose some, you lie, cheat, and swindle some, you vanish on a crisp winter’s day never to be seen again. ❜

BOOK XII: ILLUMINATE

❛ quiet reflection is next to impossible if you mental landscape is one long scream. ❜

❛ you inspire me to be better! a better “what” is up for interpretation. (person? arsonist? alien?) ❜

❛ we don’t know where you came form, but we need you to go back. ❜

❛ the dark doesn’t intend to hurt you - only the creatures who plot during the cruel, cold light of day. ❜

❛ i lived better when i was ignorant of the sun, tucked away in your chest. ❜

❛ there’s asking for forgiveness, there’s asking for permission, and then there’s saying “fuck it,” and doing what you may. ❜

❛ if only it were easy! to wish and want for nothing. if only you weren’t less human for it - wishing and wanting for nothing. ❜

❛ in the end there is no blaze of glory. ❜

❛ love to distraction, die due to carelessness. ❜

❛ in the span of your life there’s plenty to avoid: the wicked, the merciless, the things you want for no reason other than wanting them. ❜

❛ you are dazzling and terrifying - those words are not as removed from one another as you may think. ❜

❛ flirt with death, tease the inevitable, give the void a saucy wink. ❜

BOOK XII: OBITUARIES

❛ things to bother believing in: love, switchblades, extraterrestrials. ❜

❛ let the record show that they were ill-equipped to deal with you. which is unsurprising, since you ill-equipped to deal with you. ❜

❛ you’ll be fertilizer regardless, might as well have interesting stories for the dirt. ❜

❛ there is an exhaustion that comes with living in an embrace like a vice, a kiss like a canker sore. ❜

❛ fear is an absence of understanding. horror is the act of understanding perfectly. ❜

❛ to labour in love, to toil in tenderness. ❜

❛ your love will always be rooted deeper than any grave. ❜

❛ you’ve long seen your downfall spelled out in another’s bones. ❜

❛ the victor spoils, the loser learns. ❜

❛ the body is rot waiting to happen. ❜

❛ you will have never loved for nothing. ❜

❛ the aftermath of you life afford you three real options: obscurity, legend, or horror story. ❜

[lamourencage]

heathcliffd·    ↷    JOE

         𝐢  𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝  𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫,   𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐤.   and i know you won’t know that yet  —  we still have a lot of getting to know each other to do.  but you’re safe.  you’re medicine.  candace was a sickness that i didn’t think i would ever recover from  —  pain,  and hurt,  and the constant doubt…  —  i’m not crazy.  no,  i mean,  i’m not crazy.  but you…  you’re the smell of pancakes in the morning,  and a flat white with perfectly - textured milk.  so when it naturally comes to the big climax of a great boombox - above - the - head romantic gesture,  this is all i’ve got.  my heart on my sleeve,  because i know you’re not into the big,  dramatic,  expectant displays.  (i mean,  really?  don’t girls feel pressured by that kind of shit?)

if anything,  i thought you would break my heart.  that’s why i had to be so sure.  and sure,  maybe i’ve done some things that don’t exactly belong in a romance novel  (see benji ashby the third in his final smoky resting place)  but i know how i feel.  i love you,  beck.  i want to love you.  i want to take care of you the way you need to be taken care of  —  the way you deserve it.

                                  and when we kiss it’s goddamn fireworks!

       “oh,  absolutely.  i’ve already decided how i’m breaking things off.”

but that’s a joke.  and we can do that kind of thing  —  joke  —  because you know i’d never do that kind of thing to you.  because i’m not like other guys.  i’m not benji,  attached to his phone and his gratuitous circle - jerk of home soda,  whatever the fuck that means,  or any of your tinder hook - ups.  i’m joe.  your joe.

        “—  but you should kiss me again to change my mind.”

𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓  𝐁𝐄𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐒  𝐓𝐎  𝐏𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃  𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐃𝐋𝐘  𝐈𝐍  𝐇𝐄𝐑  𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐒 ,   𝐒𝐊𝐈𝐍  𝐁𝐄𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐒  𝐓𝐎  𝐁𝐔𝐑𝐍  𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇  𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐄 .   choosing  the  good  guy  wasn’t  her  usual  m.o.   no ,   instead  it  was  choosing  guys  like  benji ,   the  ones  who  really  did  a  number  on  her  psyche  in  the  long  run .   joe  too  had  the  capability  of  breaking  her  heart ,   truly  smashing  her  to  pieces ,   but  with  the  way  things  were  going ,   she  couldn’t  see  it  anytime  in  the  near  future .   if  it  does  come  to  a  fiery  end ,   at  least  peach  would  get  to  say  her  i  told  you  so’s  as  they  sat  in  a  secluded  cabin ,   drinking  away  her  heartache .   hopefully ,   though ,   hopefully  this  wouldn’t  happen .   perhaps  for  once  life  could  be  less  sylvia  plath ,   more  emily  brontë .   that  thought  alone  causes  her  bottom  lip  to  rake  against  her  teeth ,   taking  the  whole  moment  in  as  she  stays  quiet ,   all  before  a  chuckle  bubbles  over  bubblegum  lips .

hand  rests  against  his  chest ,   tapping  her  fingers  lightly .   ‘   just  give  me  a  warning  so  i  can  prepare  my  melodramatics  ahead  of  time .   ’   there’s  a  smile   ---   a  genuinely  happy ,   awestruck ,  an  i’m - finally - making - a - good - choice  smile .   she’s  pleased  with  herself   ;   pleased  with  her  tactic  working  well  enough  for  him  to  rebound  back .   playful  blue  hues  light  up  as  she  rolls  them ,   shaking  her  head  as  she  pushes  back  up  on  her  toes ,   back  towards  him  to  grant  his  wish .   ‘   i  suppose  if  you  need  some  more  convincing   .   .   .   ’   this  time  hand  snakes  upwards ,   resting  on  the  back  of  his  neck  as  the  fireworks  light  up  once  again .   this  is  too  good ,   she  thinks ,   suspiciously  good .   but  after  a  few  moments ,   she  refuses  to  let  that  thought  inch  in  any  further .   instead  she  deepens  the  kiss ,   letting  her  whole  being  rest  for  the  moment .   when  she  finally  decides  to  pull  back ,   rather  dreadfully ,   she  remains  pressed  against  him ,   not  wanting  to  let  go  just  yet .   ‘   so ,   that  change  your  mind ?   ’

[sendameme]

Deep Ass Starters.

[abiggerworld-deactivated2020032]

Sometimes it’s hard to get in depth with your muse and their backstory, because you can’t figure out how to bring those things up with others. Here are a couple of starters intended to make things a little more personal!

“What’s holding you back?”

“I’m not comfortable with this conversation.”

“Will you /ever/ be comfortable with this conversation?”

“Let me in sometime!”

“It’s not that easy, you know.”

“Help me understand.”

“It’s hard to connect with someone when all they do is push you away.”

“Why are you always so cold?”

“Why are you always so happy?”

“Are you really happy now?”

“Who hurt you this badly to make you this way?!”

“What, did your ex mess you up that badly?!”

“Why do you keep fighting it any time you feel?”

“It’s a problem, I get it.”

“This is all kinds of messed up.”

“That’s not exactly a good coping method.”

“So what happened, with your parents, really?”

“What was your childhood like?”

“Everyone has at lest a little bit of mommy/daddy issues. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“My parents aren’t exactly perfect models, either.”

“You were bullied? What for?”

“Was it hard? Coming out, I mean.”

“You can’t just run away all the time.”

“You can’t just hide all the time.”

“Are you still thinking about them?”

“I’m not the enemy here. But this makes me wonder who the real one is for you.”

“Is the reason you’re so cold and defensive because you feel threatened?”

“How long has it been since you last spoke to them?”

“You never talk about it, why?”

“How come you’re so different around them?”

“It’s like you don’t have a care or worry in the world.”

“You seem so perfect. I don’t get it.”

“What was your ex like?”

“I don’t think I was ever good enough for them.”

“Are you not comfortable being intimate?”

“Why don’t you feel comfortable being intimate?”

“Letting someone see you that vulnerable, it’s a scary thing.”

“Are you scared of being hurt?”

“Have you ever been taken advantage of?”

“Why are you afraid of saying I love you?”

“I never understood how someone could say those words so easily.”

“You’re hurting others the way you’ve been hurt in the past, don’t you think that’s ironic?”

“You use people to make yourself feel better.”

“I’m scared of being used again…”

“Losing someone isn’t easy, but you’re making it harder than it needs to be.”

“How long has it been since you lost them?”

“You’re too attached.”

“I’m not attached, I’m just comfortable with what I’m familiar to.”

“Maybe the real reason you’re so controlling is because, deep down you’d rather have them in your grasp than lose them.”

“Why did you ever break up?” / “Why did we ever break up?”

[the-composer]

❤ ▬▬ emotional starters to kick you in the feelings.

“What am I to you?” “If you could be with me, would you?” “Do you still think about (___)?” ”Do you want to be something more?” “I need to tell you how I feel.” “I miss how we used to be.” “Is it okay to say that I’m jealous?” “I’m so sorry I’m jealous… It’s such an ugly feeling.” ”I can’t help the way I feel.” ”They all want you, but they don’t even know you.” ”Is it okay to want you for myself?” “You’re mine. I don’t want to share.” “I want to be the only one for you.” “It’s you. You’re it. You’re the one I want.” “If you want me, you can have me.” “You can have others, but I will be your priority.” “Let’s talk about what you want.” “Let’s talk about what I want.” “I’ll wait for you. I’ll wait until you’re ready.” “You’re my friend. You didn’t know that?” ”I don’t think I know how to love…” ”Can I trust you?” “I forgive you.” “I only play around because I don’t have you.” “Name it. I’d give it up for you.” “You play so hard to get. Will I ever catch you?” “How can I get you to like me?” “Is there some secret to winning your love?” “Are you available?” “Are you afraid of commitment?” “If I agreed to be exclusive with you, would you do the same?” “Do you feel anything?” ”Why are you pushing me away?” ”The instant you start to feel something, you turn tail and run.” ”He/she/they love you, you know…” ”Don’t. I’m not good for you. Don’t even think about falling for me.” ”I will hurt you. That’s just a fact.” “You’re so wild that I want to be the one to tame you.” ”If you love them, then I want to as well.” “Your heart is safe with me.” ”You’re the type who wants to have your cake and eat it, too.” ”You’ve got me wrapped around your finger.” ”I’ve missed you so much.” ”Your happiness comes before mine.” ”I don’t mind sharing, as long as I’m with you.” “I am so sorry for hurting you.” “Can we start over?”

[lamourencage]

heathcliffd·    ↷    JOE

𝐨𝐡,   𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞  𝐨𝐧,  𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐤.  don’t you see that we’re going round in circles?  you lash out at me  –  which,  starting to piss me off now.  for the record.  and then i give you the logical and reasonable explanations behind everything that’s happened,  and you still only tear a corner of the waffle at a time off.  but at least you’re eating.  i can’t look after you if you go all emily davison on me  —  and that’s what you want.  you want someone to take care of you.  make you feel safe.  and granted,  there’s only so much i can do while you’re in the cage,  but it’s safe.  i won’t let anyone hurt you,  beck.

but candidly?  doctor nicky is still one you up? text away from sharing a casket with peach.  but i’m not a murderer,  beck.  i keep trying to explain this to you,  but you’re not listening  —  some people deserve to die.  but i guess we can’t always be on the same wavelength.  what you have to do is understand it from where i’m standing  —  granted,  that’s the other side of the glass,  but i can’t let you out if i don’t listen.  and you’re not listening.

              “no, he took advantage of you, beck — i don’t blame you.  you were vulnerable. i understand that now.”     you didn’t want to cheat on me   —   i gotta admit,  beck.  the guy can be persuasive.  but that’s who you let fuck you while you tell me you’re at therapy?  that guy?  honestly,  beck.  i knew you had bad taste in guys from your brief rendezvous with the embodiment of white male privilege,  but god.  you need me more than you know  —  and that’s not just because i changed the bucket at the side for you.  you’re welcome,  by the way.  

       “no, no, no, no — i didn’t stalk you,  beck.  i just had to be sure.”

i don’t like that word  —  it implies a creepiness i wasn’t going for.  i didn’t stalk you,  beck.  i wouldn’t do that to you  —  i would never do anything that would hurt you.  and you should know that,  because everything i’ve done has been to stop you from hurting.  so you can write.  so you can be free.

                      “you’re not listening.”   you’re not listening,  and you’ve got it in your head that i’m some kind of monster.  but you’re reaching out for me  —  i mean,  i think that’s pretty unambiguous.  you want me to show you i’m here?  that i’m listening?  i got you,  babe.  my hand presses against the glass too.  and i get it.  i understand why you’re upset,  but you’re also trying to make it right.  i appreciate that,  beck.  i do.  i’m not a cruel guy,  and i don’t want to keep you in here any longer than i have to.  the glass is cool when my forehead presses against it,  and part of me’s wondering when you’re gonna pull back.  please don’t do that,  beck.

      “i wanted to take care of you,  beck.  i still do.  we’re the real deal.”    we’re a rattling set of cans attached to a car away from that.  just married.  just growing old together.  just you and me.  right?  that’s all i need.  just for you to say that.  then we can get through anything.  i promise.

                “i know i’ve done some things that seem a little extreme,  but they deserved it,  beck  —  they were going to hurt you.”

𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆  𝐖𝐀𝐒  𝐆𝐎𝐈𝐍𝐆  𝐓𝐎  𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐄  𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒  𝐒𝐄𝐄𝐌  𝐀𝐍𝐘  𝐁𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑 .   instead ,   everything  was  making  him  sound  more  batshit  insane  than  he  already  was .   there  was  nothing  on  the  other  side  of  that  glass  except  a  monster ,   an  intruder   ---   an  obsessive  stalker ,   a  killer .   nothing  was  going  to  make  those  sins  disappear ,   nor  would  they  vanish  away  with  stockholm  syndrome .   this  was  not  the  man  she  fell  in  love  with .   the  joe  she  was  set  up  for ,   the  wonderful  facade  he  wore  so  well ,   was  not  him .   as  she  looked  up  at  him ,   her  heart  broke  from  pity   &   sheer  disgust .   whoever  told  him  this  was  okay  surely  did  a  number  on  him .   with  that  in  mind ,   none  of  it  was  forgivable .   they  were  not  meant  to  be .   she  wasn’t  going  to  play  the  role  of  lunatic  bride  who  could  overlook  his  extremes .   who  knows  who  else  he’d  kill  along  the  way ,   whether  it’d  be  her  or  another  loved  one .   as  far  as  beck  was  concerned ,   nobody  was  safe .

the  talk  of  doctor  nicky ,   these  lies  he’s  told  himself  to  make  it  all  okay ,   causes  her  head  to  shake .   ‘   joe ,   you’re  not  being  logical  or--- --   or  even  realistic .   ’   words  fall  from  her  lips  rather  freely ,   before  she  can  do  anything  to  stop  them  from  forcing  their  way  out .   sure ,   there  was  a  part  of  her  that  was  completely  devastated  by  peach’s  death ,   but  it  didn’t  turn  her  into  some  weak ,   vulnerable  creature  whose  freewill  got  turned  off .   no ,   that  was  all  on  her .   every  flirtation ,   every  movement .   the  way  she  walked  into  that  office ,   dressed  in  a  way  that  would  drive  any  man  mad .   every  part  was  deliberate ,   all  from  the  grief  of  losing  her  best  friend   &   the  fear  of  not  being  able  to  keep  joe .   reflecting  back  on  that ,   she  wishes  she  wouldn’t  have  gone  back .   kept  away  from  karen ,   stopped  every  never  again   &   let  it  be  just  that .   every  never  again  should’ve  been  the  last  time ,   but  for  some  unknown  reason ,   she  couldn’t  stay  away .   a  sigh  falls ,   brows  raise  in  an  accusatory  matter .   ‘   had  to  be  sure  of  what ?   ’   this  wasn’t  how  love’s  supposed  to  go .   you  don’t  get  a  free  pass  to  snoop  through  their  apartment ,   check  their  socials ,   follow  them  everywhere ,   just  to  be  sure  that  they’re  good  to  go .   it’s  driving  her  insane  to  not  speak  it  out  loud ,   wanting  nothing  more  than  to  explain  her  side  of  things .   point  blank   :   you’re  a  stalker   &   a  murderer ,   why  would  anyone  want  to  be  with  you ?   but  she  keeps  her  cool ,   for  now .   until  she  can  laugh  in  his  face  as  police  escorted  him  off  the  premises   &   put  him  where  he  belonged ,   a  worse  off  version  of  this  cage .

‘   i’m  listening  plenty .   ’   forehead  presses  against  his ,   needing  to  regain  trust .   it  causes  a  stray  tear  to  fall  down  reddened  cheeks .   the  thought  of  being  that  close  to  him  again ,   afraid  that  he’ll  snap ,   causes  her  to  flinch  at  first .   thumb  rubs  against  the  glass ,   soothing  herself  more  so  than  him  as  she  takes  in  a  shaky  breath .   a  lump  begins  to  form  in  her  throat ,   eyes  clenched  tight  as  she  figured  out  a  way  to  maneuver  the  situation ,   spin  it  around  to  her  advantage .   anything  could  unlock  the  door ,   especially  the  hidden  key .   yet  she  wanted  him  to  do  the  work  before  going  through  desperate  measures .   the  promise  of  fresh  air ,   the  police  station ,   the  spare  room  at  annika’s ,   all  of  these  things  push  her  further ,   needing  an  our .   ‘   i  need  someone  to  take  care  of  me .   ’   perhaps  that’s  her  selling  point .   the  one  thing  that’s  driving  them  both  now .   ‘   i  really  do .   but  wouldn’t  it  be  better  if  we  were  both  at  home ?   playing  made - up  scrabble ,   reading  together  in  bed ,   lounging  the  day  away .   doesn’t  that  sound  better  than  this ?   ’   voice  is  strained ,   not  wanting  to  say  the  words  or  think  of  him  in  anyway  that  is  whole   &   pure  once  again ,   but  she  has  to  plead ,   beg ,   or  barter  her  way  out  of  there  before  going  to  her  own  extreme ,   going  over  the  tools  that  could  be  used  for  grand  weaponry  if  she  chose  to  use  the  key .   reflecting  on  what  were  once  near   &   dear  memories  that  had  now  been  tainted  by  who  he  truly  was  was  the  only  chance  she  had  at  tugging  on  those  heart  strings ,   if  he  even  had  any  to  begin  with .

[beckaleash]

     you on lifetime/netflix sentence meme.      episode 1 - 3.

well, hello there. who are you?

you like a little attention.

that’s sad – people buying books because of what’s popular, not because they want to be moved or changed in some way.

at the end of the day, people really are disappointing, aren’t they?

are you not wearing a bra? and you want me to notice…

if this was a movie, i’d grab you and we’d go at it right in the stacks.

my parents were assholes with the whole naming thing.

i was in love once. s/he broke my heart. s/he really did a number on me.

you are burning through that book, aren’t you?

all for one and one for all.

love is tricky. a guy/girl needs to protect him/herself.

you want to be seen. heard. known. of course, i obliged.

candidly, it’s the least appealing thing about you.

your online life isn’t real. it’s a collage.

jesus, it’s like you’ve never seen a horror movie. or the news.

you want people to watch, don’t you?

why don’t we spend the day together tomorrow, just you and me?

can we get real for a second? you have questionable taste in friends.

he didn’t even get her something that nice, and she finally let him do anal.

open my gift next and tell me how much you hate me then.

you always do this. you make a big gesture that you can’t afford because – i’m sorry – you’re too nice.

why don’t you let me loan you some cash, okay?

you know i’d do anything for you. don’t forget that.

uh, who the fuck is this?!

that’s your apology? “i didn’t cum”?

she said she had good coke and i’ve been seriously stressed.

i don’t have time to keep hooking up or whatever it is you’re even capable of.

i don’t wanna be just some guy/girl that you sleep with.

not to sound judgy, but this guy/girl is everything wrong with america.

you fall for the wrong wo/men. you let them in. you let them hurt you.

if he came anywhere close to making you cum, you’d have made a broadway show out of it. but you didn’t. ‘cause he didn’t.

looks good on you, by the way. the extra weight.

vegan cheese tastes like asshole.

something’s in the air tonight, ‘cause everyone but me is getting action.

if the zombies come, this is where i’m hiding.

the most valuable things in life are usually the most helpless. so they need people like us to protect them.

this whole nice-guy act… this might work on other people, but i can see what you are.

so stay away from them, because if you don’t, i’m gonna grab a steak knife and i’m gonna cut those freak eyes out.

there are scary people in the world. that’s why it’s important to be safe.

i can still smell you on my fingers.

i’ve seen enough romantic comedies to know guys/girls like me are always getting in jams like this.

whatever it is, there’s nothing we can’t fix.

all my life lately has been about surviving.

some guys are assholes, and you just have to realise that.

you were the one who told me to keep reminding you s/he’s a bastard.

why are you so sad?

what if some sicko had followed you down here?

you’re too drunk to be alone.

i’m not always like this.

i don’t wanna sound like a stalker, but i think i know you.

i have a pretty bland face.

all books add up to one essential truth which is, if your IQ is above a certain number, life is pretty much unbearable. and the number is not even that high.

i do think i’d be happier if i was stupider.

thank you for sobering me up. and for saving my life.

i told you, people are basically good.

what you really need is someone to save you.

the first step to fixing something is to know that no matter how destroyed it seems, it can always be saved.

i’m not always right. i’m human. i make mistakes. you’ll see.

we all have baggage. but i feel like i’m dealing with it the right way.

i kind of thought i took care of that for you.

i just knew s/he was the worst kind of poison. the kind you know is bad but can’t stop taking.

i don’t know who you are, i don’t know why i’m here.

whoever you are, you’re not a killer.

sometimes you do things on instinct because you have to, and then you scramble. you know?

i totally didn’t google you, but if i did, i might discover you aren’t on social media.

i’m an old fashioned guy/girl. i like real life.

i know it’s not cool to say and it’s not big and flashy, but i love ___, and i want my life to be about what i actually love.

you somehow think this guy/girl is all you deserve.

s/he’s branded the living shit out of her/himself across the internet.

a lot of people find a direct wo/man irresistible.

don’t touch me. it’s not sexy, it’s repulsive.

something has to be done about someone like him/her.

i’m starting to think i’m some kind of magnet for, like, dudes/girls with serious issues.

hey, do you wanna come to a party with me tomorrow?

just take the cheque and stop stressing.

if you want to kill me, what the fuck are you waiting for?

why would i want to kill him? who wants to kill people?

you’ve probably read more of these books than i have.

i don’t think i have a lot in common with your other friends.

it just feels like i’m getting sucked in and i could just be me, yet that somehow never feels quite good enough.

sometimes, to survive you have to show some teeth.

grown-ups are assholes.

some people used to yell at me, too, you know. and i don’t want to be like them.

you are not responsible for my feelings, i am. but for the record, i feel like congealed, day-old egg rolls right about now.

you left me here to die!

it’s a whole ‘call you daddy, spank me’ thing.

they were too scared to come forward, but we realised it’s harder to dismiss seven women with the same story.

blackmail is not something you live down.

should i have tried to kiss you sooner?

i’d go as far as to say you create the problem when you assume this stuff.

you’re worth waiting for.

how exactly does one get rid of a body? i can’t just google this kind of thing without creating a pretty damning evidence trail.

fun fact: spatchcocking a chicken and dismembering a human involve the same six essential steps.

these are officially the darkest days in the history of the world.

i wonder if s/he’s a virgin.

s/he sounds like a pretentious bitch if you ask me.

why do men think disembodied members equal foreplay? you know, they’re not aesthetically pleasing.

more power to them, but your friends kinda treat sex like it means nothing.

i hooked up with some guy last night.

if you wanna bone him/her out of your system, more power to you. i just wanna make sure you’re respecting yourself.

if i wanna win your heart, i’m gonna have to show you that i’m not a ‘maybe’. i’m the one.

do you think i’m unremarkable?

unremarkable people don’t worry about being unremarkable.

you want down and dirty, you got it.

i’ll deal with it when i get back.

you thought that i wanted to get arrested while you’re going all bush diver on me in public?!

you don’t wanna be spanked. you wanna feel safe. loved.

i’m having a really bad flare-up.

i think i need you to take me to the emergency room.

there’s like a sort of putrid aroma that keeps wafting in the backseat.

i was hoping i could make the world a better place.

s/he’s a sicko. i feel it in my gut.

people believe whatever supports their world view.

you need someone to take care of you.

i don’t mean to be harsh, but you know you’re sending some mixed messages, right?

that’s one hell of a bonfire.

if that’s the case, i should warn you, i have this facial thing where i can’t hide what i’m thinking.

i don’t know who i am. how am i supposed to know what i want?

if i didn’t know better, i’d think you were hiding something.

i’ve never seen your place, and you never talk about any of your friends. i mean, who are you?

that’s it. i am officially out of the tinder business.

there’s something wrong with you. i see it in your eyes.

[lamourencage]

heathcliffd‌    ↷    JOE

𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠  𝐢'𝐯𝐞  𝐝𝐨𝐧𝐞,   𝐢  𝐝𝐢𝐝  𝐟𝐨𝐫  𝐲𝐨𝐮.   for us.  you’d understand that if you stopped thinking so goddamn hard about the details that don’t matter  —  because do you know what matters most,  beck?  that you were happy.  that you felt safe.  that you weren’t screwing guys like benji,  or devoting your entire goddamn life to one of peach’s melodramas.  that’s what was important.  your writing.  and you’ll understand that somehow,  beck.  you have to understand that.  because honestly?  that’s the only way you’re getting out.

               “candace was different,  beck.”     god,  i fucking hate talking about this.  candace…  oh,  she really did a number on me,  beck.  she taught me why you can’t trust people  –  at least not at first.  not until you know they’re safe.  so,  i learnt from what she taught me.  i made sure you were.  and you were safe,  weren’t you?  —  sure,  you’re a little broken.  sure,  we’ve done a few things that wouldn’t exactly make into a byron poem,  but we’re here,  and we’re two halves of the same whole.  i believe that.  you’re the one,  beck.  and i’m the one for you.

           but candidly?  yeah.  candace is gone.  what can i say?  everyone has baggage.

            “— because we had a spark.  in the book store.  you know who i am,  beck — i didn’t lie to you.”    well.  not unless the lie was that there wasn’t a rotting,  entitled corpse in the trunk of the buick.  but come on,  beck  —  decomposition isn’t exactly an aphrodisiac. 

            “eat.”     that’s the deal,  isn’t it?  i answer,  you eat.  because i’ve learnt now  —  love is all about compromises.  you eat something,  i answer questions about how we came to be.  one day we’ll laugh about all this.  tell our kids,  then our kids’ kids,  but until then,  i know i fucked up.  i know i make mistakes  —  i’m only human. 

                “i googled you.  found your instagram.  facebook.  twitter.  you know,  i’ve been meaning to tell you,  but you should set those to private if you don’t want people looking at them.  but you want people to look,  right?  and sure,  i mean,  you paint yourself to be this,  uh,  yoga - loving, sunset - watching, adorkable little thing,  and that’s fine — but you’re real,  beck.  that’s why.”

          find me another girl who rides the L-train and reads hemingway at the same time.  because that’s who you are,  beck.  you’re real,  and you’re true,  and you’re like a first edition down in the cage  —  you need taking care of.  i obliged.  and honestly?  i don’t know why you’re having such a hard time of this.

𝐓𝐇𝐄  𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐒  𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍'𝐓  𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐒𝐅𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘  𝐁𝐘  𝐀𝐍𝐘  𝐌𝐄𝐀𝐍𝐒 .   how  could  they  be  when  they’re  about  you   &   your  stalker ?   two  people  who  obviously  weren’t  seeing  eye - to - eye  due  to  one  being  an  absolute  lunatic  who  was  out  of  their  mind .   talking  wasn’t  coming  easily .   all  the  nonsense  that  doctor  nicky  placed  into  her  head  about  opening  up  conversation   &   getting  what  she  wanted  from  it  wasn’t  working .   perhaps  it  was  a  bit  to  ambitious   ---   she  was  fucking  the  guy  after  all .   he  could’ve  been  filling  her  brain  with  bullshit  for  all  she  knows .   while  she  did  feel  better  after  their  sessions ,   she’s  now  beginning  to  doubt  his  help  seeing  that  none  of  it  applies  when  you’re  trapped  inside  a  glass  cage  meant  for  books .   or  at  least  that’s  what  she  was  told   ;   now  she’s  curious  as  to  what  mr .  mooney’s  true  purpose  for  it  was .   ‘   what  makes  us  so  different ?   candace  cheated ,   right ?   i  fucked  my  therapist .   what  makes  us  so  dissimilar  when  our  actions  are  the  same ?  ’

what  game  was  she  playing ?   beck  has  to  ask  herself  the  same .   the  energy  that  comes  back  to  her  from  chugging  half  of  the  latte  had  left  her  without  a  filter ,   restless ,   &   a  little  mean .   not  that  it  truly  matters .   she  was  probably  going  to  die  in  this  cage  if  she  didn’t  think  of  a  plan  other  than  asking  him  why  he  was  such  a  fuckup ,   repeatedly .   the  original  game  plan  was  to  play  it  nice ,   to  get  sympathy ,   to  see  if  that  would  work .   if  his  heart  would  swell  for  her  so  much  that  he’d  apologize   &   let  her  free .   but  that  hasn’t  been  the  case .   so  far  she  is  his  captive   &   it  seemed  as  though  only  one  of  them  could  see  it  that  way .

he  didn’t  lie .   this  emits  a  scoff .   unbelievable ,   she  thinks ,   all  while  trying  to  muster  up  something  about  how  his  whole  persona  was  a  lie .   at  least  it  felt  like  it .   forcing  her  to  fall  in  love  with  him  as  he  knew  more  than  he  should’ve ,   killed  her  people ,   &   kept  sick  mementos  for  whatever  purpose .   his  demand  pulls  her  out  of  her  thoughts ,   body  jerking ,   eyes  flinching  before  focusing  back  on  the  breakfast  he  brought .   the  woman  gulps ,   slowly  sinking  to  the  stool  in  front  of  the  glass ,   sitting  down  to  take  another  bite  of  the  food .   while  it  was  tasty   &   savory ,   her  tastebuds  heightening  to  a  new  extreme   &   relinquishing  in  the  fact  that  her  body  could  finally  stop  hissing  at  her  for  food ,   it  was  still  hard  to  eat .   the  nerves ,   being  a  few  feet  away  from  a  bucket  of  her  own  piss ,   &   the  anxiety  of  whether  or  not  he  was  poisoning  her  for  some  reason  was  still  lingering .   the  more  he  talks ,   the  more  he  admits ,   the  more  she  eats   &   she  digs  in  like  it’s  both  her  first  meal  in  weeks   &   her  last  meal  ever .

‘   so  because  my  accounts  aren’t  private ,   you  just  assumed  that  i  was  asking  for  a  stalker ?   ’   truly  she’d  never  actually  thought  about  it .   no  one  in  their  right  mind  would  think  that  something  as  small  as  a  five  word  tweet  would  end  with such  great  consequences .   ‘   were  you  following  me ?   is  that  how  you  knew  i’d  be  on  the  subway  that  night ?   how  you  got  my  panties ?   how  you  kept--- --   showing  up  everywhere ?   ’   hand  reaches  out  for  the  glass ,   trying  to  get  some  sense  of  the  outside  world  while  putting  false  hope  inside  the  man .   ‘   joe ,   i’m  trying  to  understand ,   i  am .   help  me  understand  because  right  now  it’s  not  looking  too  good  for  either  of  us .   ’

[joey-prue]

Well, that was a mistake - Resquest by anon

[shockvvaves]

𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐘 𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐎𝐒𝐂𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐒 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐈𝐈

sentences from amrit brar’s shitty horoscopes series. you may adjust as needed. part i.

BOOK VIII: MEDICINE

❛ you might not be afraid to die, but that doesn’t mean you’re ready. ❜

❛ you were a plague none were prepared for. ❜

❛ you are the mind and the malady, the medicine and the machine. ❜

❛ assholery is incurable. unfortunately. ❜

❛ no one’s going to notice the difference between you pushing dandelions or daisies, so leave them something worth talking about. ❜

❛ there’s no rule stating that parasites can’t be pretty. ❜

❛ justice: just us. ❜

❛ anathema - me without you. ❜

❛ you aren’t obligated to be anyone’s cure. ❜

❛ some are the bandage, some are the knife, some get creative.. ❜

❛ soothe what you can, fight what you can’t. ❜

❛ the only difference between a pathogen and a person is that one is far more creative with how they’ll infect you. ❜

BOOK IX: THE BODY AND THE WRECKAGE

❛ stranger things have happened. like you. you are happening all the time and should probably stop. ❜

❛ let none be the noose. ❜

❛ take what you can and run. ❜

❛ gratuitous violence: unnecessary, satisfying, heartbreaking, and so like everything else you love. ❜

❛ understanding builds bridges, suffering grows gardens, antipathy sets both on fire for shits and giggles. ❜

❛ there is a variety of sadness that makes a home in your guts and never quite leave. ❜

❛ you could have been anyone, operating this body. the good news is that you won! the bad news is that you’re stuck with it. ❜

❛ being loathsome and lovely in equal measure is probably a talent. somewhere. ❜

❛ why fear the dead, when you can fear the living? corpses in motion, cruelty and kindness. ❜

❛ if you’re forging your own path, be prepared to light your own pyre. ❜

❛ what possessed you to come this far? no, honestly. was it cute? ❜

❛ you can’t wrestle apologies from the sea or the sun but by fuck are you every going to try. ❜

BOOK X: LOVERS & LOSERS

❛ pick a place and die there. ❜

❛ i know you mean well. ❜

❛ may fortune favour the fuckups. ❜

❛ remarkable that one plane of existence can host so much (and so little) distance. the spaces between people, ideals, fingertips, the sky and the sea. ❜

❛ learn it’s best to bite your tongue. temper the nest of hornets in your loveless mouth. ❜

❛ i worry. i worry. worry. ❜

❛ time sours, rots, renews, sours again. ❜

❛ grief and growth live hand-in-hand. ❜

❛ sleeping, like dying, delivers you from one world to the next - to rest in crypts and wake in gardens. ❜

❛ words in couples carry weight: “fuck you.” “hell no.” “oh god.” “sorry mom.” ❜

❛ make room for small, fragile things, even with bones like cement and a leaden heart. ❜

❛ you win some, you lose some, you lie, cheat, and swindle some, you vanish on a crisp winter’s day never to be seen again. ❜

BOOK XII: ILLUMINATE

❛ quiet reflection is next to impossible if you mental landscape is one long scream. ❜

❛ you inspire me to be better! a better “what” is up for interpretation. (person? arsonist? alien?) ❜

❛ we don’t know where you came form, but we need you to go back. ❜

❛ the dark doesn’t intend to hurt you - only the creatures who plot during the cruel, cold light of day. ❜

❛ i lived better when i was ignorant of the sun, tucked away in your chest. ❜

❛ there’s asking for forgiveness, there’s asking for permission, and then there’s saying “fuck it,” and doing what you may. ❜

❛ if only it were easy! to wish and want for nothing. if only you weren’t less human for it - wishing and wanting for nothing. ❜

❛ in the end there is no blaze of glory. ❜

❛ love to distraction, die due to carelessness. ❜

❛ in the span of your life there’s plenty to avoid: the wicked, the merciless, the things you want for no reason other than wanting them. ❜

❛ you are dazzling and terrifying - those words are not as removed from one another as you may think. ❜

❛ flirt with death, tease the inevitable, give the void a saucy wink. ❜

BOOK XII: OBITUARIES

❛ things to bother believing in: love, switchblades, extraterrestrials. ❜

❛ let the record show that they were ill-equipped to deal with you. which is unsurprising, since you ill-equipped to deal with you. ❜

❛ you’ll be fertilizer regardless, might as well have interesting stories for the dirt. ❜

❛ there is an exhaustion that comes with living in an embrace like a vice, a kiss like a canker sore. ❜

❛ fear is an absence of understanding. horror is the act of understanding perfectly. ❜

❛ to labour in love, to toil in tenderness. ❜

❛ your love will always be rooted deeper than any grave. ❜

❛ you’ve long seen your downfall spelled out in another’s bones. ❜

❛ the victor spoils, the loser learns. ❜

❛ the body is rot waiting to happen. ❜

❛ you will have never loved for nothing. ❜

❛ the aftermath of you life afford you three real options: obscurity, legend, or horror story. ❜

heres a joke: my father

[lamourencage]

@heathcliffd  asked   :   pick  me .  choose  me .  love  me .

𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒  𝐁𝐄𝐆𝐈𝐍  𝐓𝐎  𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓  𝐇𝐄𝐑  𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐃 ,   𝐀𝐒  𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘  𝐔𝐒𝐔𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐘  𝐃𝐎 .   what  if  joe  wasn’t  the  one ?   what  if  he  was ?   he  could  be  the  prince  charming  she’d  been  waiting  for ,   hoping  for .   time   &   time  again  he’d  proven  that  he  was  good   ---   so  good ,   too  damn  good  in  every  aspect ,   to  the  point  where  she  questioned  his  every  move .   he  was  there  for  her ,   a  friend  to  run  to  when  she  was  in  need ,   a  shoulder  to  lean  on ,   someone  to  bitch  to .   he’d  been  good  about  her  friends ,   sweet  on  girls  night .   not  to  mention ,   anything  including  their  bodies  melding  together  had  been  pretty  remarkable  thus  far   ---   better  than  what  the  first  time  lead  her  to  believe .   now  as  he  stands  there ,   heart  on  his  sleeve ,   waiting  for  beck’s  answer ,   she  isn’t  sure  what  to  say .   her  heart  melts  for  the  good  guy  while  it  breaks  for  the  ones  who’s  chewed  her  up   &   spit  her  out .   what  if  she  didn’t  deserve  good ,   sweet ,   &   happy ?   what  if  she  ruined  him ?   the  million  what  if’s  play  on  forever  in  her  mind ,   making  a  sick  game  of  it  all  as  she  stands  in  silence ,   truly  conflicted  before  her  brain  shuts  itself  up   &   an  arm  extends  without  second  thought ,   tugging  at  his  sweater  to  pull  him  down  towards  her ,   letting  their  lips  crash  together  yet  again  as  her  silent  answer .   she  was  picking  him ,   choosing  him ,   slowly  loving  him .   it  was  for  the  better  after  all ,   wasn’t  it ?   maybe  she  deserved  this   ---   someone  like  joe ,   true  happiness .   ‘   you  put  up  a  strong  argument ,   ’   she  finally  says ,   a  smirk  steadily  growing .   ‘   you’re  not  gonna  go  off   &   break  my  heart  anytime  soon ,   are  you ?   ’

(    *    & .    ---    grey’s  anatomy  starters    ↷   accepting !

[lamourencage]

pick me. choose me. love me.

𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒  𝐁𝐄𝐆𝐈𝐍  𝐓𝐎  𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓  𝐇𝐄𝐑  𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐃 ,   𝐀𝐒  𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘  𝐔𝐒𝐔𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐘  𝐃𝐎 .   what  if  joe  wasn’t  the  one ?   what  if  he  was ?   he  could  be  the  prince  charming  she’d  been  waiting  for ,   hoping  for .   time   &   time  again  he’d  proven  that  he  was  good   ---   so  good ,   too  damn  good  in  every  aspect ,   to  the  point  where  she  questioned  his  every  move .   he  was  there  for  her ,   a  friend  to  run  to  when  she  was  in  need ,   a  shoulder  to  lean  on ,   someone  to  bitch  to .   he’d  been  good  about  her  friends ,   sweet  on  girls  night .   not  to  mention ,   the  sex  had  been  pretty  remarkable  thus  far   ---   better  than  what  the  first  time  lead  her  to  believe .   now  as  he  stands  there ,   heart  on  his  sleeve ,   waiting  for  beck’s  answer ,   she  isn’t  sure  what  to  say .   her  heart  melts  for  the  good  guy  while  it  breaks  for  the  ones  who’s  chewed  her  up   &   spit  her  out .   what  if  she  didn’t  deserve  good ,   sweet ,   &   happy ?   what  if  she  ruined  him ?   the  million  what  if’s  play  on  forever  in  her  mind ,   making  a  sick  game  of  it  all  as  she  stands  in  silence ,   truly  conflicted  before  her  brain  shuts  itself  up   &   an  arm  extends  without  second  thought ,   tugging  at  his  sweater  to  pull  him  down  towards  her ,   letting  their  lips  crash  together  yet  again  as  her  silent  answer .   she  was  picking  him ,   choosing  him ,   slowly  loving  him .   it  was  for  the  better  after  all ,   wasn’t  it ?   maybe  she  deserved  this   ---   someone  like  joe ,   true  happiness .   ‘   you  put  up  a  strong  argument ,   ’   she  finally  says ,   a  smirk  steadily  growing .   ‘   you’re  not  gonna  go  off   &   break  my  heart  anytime  soon ,   are  you ?   ’

(    *    & .    ---    @heathcliffd    ↷    greys  anatomy  starters    ↷    accepting !

[lamourencage]

‘ it’s not true … it’s not true . he takes the truth but he twists it and changes it to fit his own story . ’ / peach

𝐓𝐇𝐄  𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐃𝐄  𝐓𝐀𝐊𝐄𝐒  𝐀  𝐌𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓  𝐎𝐅  𝐒𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄  𝐓𝐎  𝐌𝐔𝐋𝐋  𝐈𝐓  𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑 .   peach  wasn’t  wrong .   she  hardly  ever  was .   especially  when  it  came  to  the  likes  of  benjamin  j.  ashby  iii .   there  was  hardly  any  truth  when  it  came  to  that  man ,   yet  beck  was  hooked  for  no  good  reason .   he  was  a  druggie   ;   one  that  treated  her  like  shit ,   broke  her  heart ,   &   couldn’t  even  make  her  cum .   now  he  was  feeding  lies  into  her  via  text  message   &   email   &   drug  induced  tweets .   it  all  took  beck’s  heartbreak  to  a  new  extreme .   wanting  benji  was  her  own  damn  conflict ,   loving  him  was  just  trouble .   ‘   fine ,   you’re  right .   i  know  you’re  right .   we’re  done  with  benji .   ’   the  words  sound  strained ,   as  if  she’s  forcing  herself  to  say  it .   fake  it  till  you  make  it  was  the  only  mentality  she  could  apply  to  the  current  situation .   new  mentality  or  not ,   there’s  still  a  prominent  frown  intact  on  plump  lips  as  she  tucks  a  strand  of  loose  hair  behind  her  hair ,   trying  to  figure  out  what’s  next .   ‘   who  knows ,   maybe  it’s  time  to  dust  off  the  old  tinder  profile   &   give  it  another  go .   ’   that  or  write .   she  knows  it’s  time  to  write   &   has  a  not - so - wild  hunch  that  peach  was  about  to  tell  her  the  same .   maybe  she  could  write  about  benji   &   be  done  with  it ,   all  while  flinging  herself  into  a  few  strange  beds . 

(    *    & .    ---    @ontoyou    ↷    grey’s  anatomy  starters    ↷    accepting !

[lamourencage]

@heathcliffd​    ↷    JOE

              𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝.   𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞  𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠  𝐭𝐡𝐞  𝐜𝐨𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐞.   at least that’s a start.  see,  i’ve spent weeks trying to understand you  —  months trying to get to know you better.  you somehow believed that a guy like benji is all you deserved.  you somehow believed that someone like peach,  with all her drama and all her perversions,  was the only best friend that you had.  god,  you lived such a sad life  —  and then you let me.  when you let go of those things in your life,  look what happened.  you’re a writer.  you write.  you don’t sit there,  drinking you caramel fucking macchiato and dipping your toe in the proverbial river and staring out the window like a goddamn over - hyped,  over - watched music video.  because that’s not life.  we get that,  though,  right,  beck?  you and i  —  we understand that. 

there are some things you need to know.  one,  i’m not a killer.  passionate,  yes,  but i never set out to kill those people  —  they were just obstacles that needed to get out the way. two,  i only took your panties as a keepsake  —  a little memoir,  if you will.  the first time i met you.  then the first time i was in your apartment.  ode to beck.  i didn’t do anything creepy with them,  okay?  i just wanted them.  nice guys don’t get what they want,  unless they go and take it.  so i did what any other guy would do,  and took them.

         “but i didn’t set out to kill them,  beck  —  i didn’t do it on purpose.  you have to understand that,  right?”  you have to,  beck,  because frankly  —  i’m not sure how we’re supposed to get through this if you don’t.  i don’t know what i’m going to do.  at least we’re making progress  —  opening a dialogue.  doctor nicky would be proud  —  we’re finally processing our feelings in a healthy,  constructive way.  but i’m not sure if you ever listened to him,  when you were pressed up against his nice,  long,  hard  oak desk.  (but i don’t blame you for that.  he took advantage of you.  i’ll deal with him soon.)

and now you’re eating.  i knew you’d feel better once you got some food down you.  that’s why i got your favourite  —  i told you i was a good boyfriend.  you eat,  and i’ll eat too.  that’s why i pull the chair up  —  not because i particularly want this conversation to happen,  but at least we’re having breakfast together again.

          “candace broke my heart,  beck.  i had to make sure you were safe  —  i had to make sure you wouldn’t do that to me too.”    candace.  god,  i thought we were over this. the whole get to know my ex and how she hurt me spiel is really getting fucking old right about now.  we’ve been through this.  we’ve had the i would never hurt you that way talk over eggs and coffee. 

               “i do care about you.  i do love you.  please,  beck  —  please,  understand that.  i wouldn’t do any of this if i didn’t.”

𝐒𝐊𝐈𝐍  𝐂𝐑𝐀𝐖𝐋𝐒 ,   𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐒  𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 ,   𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐃  𝐆𝐎𝐄𝐒  𝐍𝐔𝐌𝐁 .   it’s  a  combination  she  hasn’t  felt  in  years .   not  since  her  father  walked  out .   except  then  it  was  normal .   a  lot  of  kids  knew  divorce  from  a  young  age ,   sadly  quite  a  few  knew  addiction  as  well .   that  feeling ,   the  way  her  mind  tried  to  shut  her  entire  being  down ,   was  now  foreign   &   came  back  with  a  whole  new  force .   however  this  time  her  senses  heighten   &   her  body  kicks  to  a  new  extreme .   no  one  (   save  for  possibly  benji ,   peach ,   candace ,   &   god  knows  who  else   )   have  never  experienced  this .   the  way  your  skin  pricks  every  time  he  talks ,   the  way  your  heart  pounds  out  of  your  chest  the  moment  he  walks  down  the  steps .   a  few  days  ago  she  was  in  love .   god ,   she  was  in  love  with  him  just  hours  prior  to  knowing  what  he  was .   now  she’s  living  in  regret .   every  little  thing  she  did  wrong  rings  in  her  head ,   giving  her  clear  sight  of  the  things  that  could  be  happening  now  had  she  not  walked  into  mooney’s  one  day  in  pursuit  of  a  fucking  paula  fox  novel  she  could’ve  easily  ordered  on  amazon .   one  little  interaction  blossomed  into  next  level  mental  torment  that  she’d  only  read  about .

the  more  swigs  of  coffee  the  better .   with  every  small  sip ,   her  fight  or  flight  senses  kick  in .   mind  sends  into  overdrive ,   now  wanting  to  keep  the  pathway  for  conversation  open .   distract  him ,   distract  herself .   she  wanted  answers ,   she  wanted  him  on  his  knees  with  guilt  so  she  could  make  her  escape .   this  tactic ,   however ,   wasn’t  proving  to  be  easy .   instead  it  was  more  difficult  than  she  could’ve  imagined .   not  a  damn  thought  he  had  was  logical .   no  matter  how  he  phrased  it ,   no  matter  the  motive ,   he  was  still  a  killer .   the  more  time  she  has  to  think  about  it ,   to  pace  her  little  cage  trying  to  wrap  her  head  around  it ,   the  only  thought  she  has  was  he  was  a  obsessive  sociopathic  stalker .   that  was  it .   nothing  more ,   absolutely  nothing  less .   ‘   you’re  kidding  me ,   right ?   you  don’t  just--- --  accidentally  murder someone .   ’

she  gulps ,   trying  to  keep  her  eye  on  the  prize   :   her  escape .   the  key  presses  against  her  skin ,   slow  movements  taken  to  make  sure  it  was  still  there   &   easily  in  reach  as  eyes  dart  back  to  joe ,   behind  him  towards  the  stairs ,   &   quickly  set  back  at  the  waffles  he’d  slipped  in ,  slowly  becoming  cold .   head  shakes  at  the  sound  of  candace ,   remembering  karen’s  words .  ‘   she’s  dead  too ,   isn’t  she ?   dead  as  peach .   dead  as  benji .   ’   yes ,   she  clearly  remembers  the  instagram ,   but  that  doesn’t  stop  the  doubt  that’s  burrowing  into  her  brain ,   taking  up  space  when  she  desperately  needed  to  clear  her  head  in  order  to  figure  out  her  means  of  escape .   if  his  heart  was  broken  by  this  poor  girl ,   who  knows  what  he  was  capable  of .   the  thought  alone  made  her  empty  stomach  churn .   ‘   i  wanna  know  everything .   right  here ,   right  now .   why  me ,   joe ?   what  desperate  fucking  measures  did  you  go  through  to  force  me  to  fall  in  love  with  you ?   i  don’t  even  know  who  you  are !   ’   there’s  a  moment  where  words  fall  short ,   breath  catching  in  her  throat .   ‘   no ,   no ,   you  don’t .   if  you  love  someone ,   you  don’t  cage  them .   this  is  the  opposite  of  loving   &   caring .   if  you  truly  loved  me ,   you’d  let  me  out  instead  of--- -   humiliating  me  in  the  most  dehumanizing  way  possible .   ’

[lamourencage]

joe   :   everything  i’ve  done ,   i’ve  done  for  you beck   :   biTCH  WHAT  THE  FUCK

[littlelovelymemes]

(    *    & .    —    GREY’S  ANATOMY  SENTENCE  STARTERS .

‘  what  was  i  to  you ?  the  girl  you  screwed  to  get  over  being  screwed ?  ’

‘  you  were  like  coming  up  for  fresh  air .  it’s  like  i  was  drowning  and  you  saved  me .  that’s  all  i  know .  ’

‘ am  i ?  … dead ?   ’

‘  i’m  glad  you’re  being  strong  about  this .  i  know  how  hard  this  is ,  i  know  how  bad  you  feel .  ’

‘  not  everybody  has  to  be  happy  all  the  time .  that’s  not  mental  health ,  that’s  crap .  ’

‘  it’s  not  a  screw  up ,  it’s  a  miracle .  ’

‘  please  don’t  cry  on  my  ass .  ’

‘  what  do  you  need ,  an  “ i  love  you ”  or  something ?  i  love  you .  call  me  when  you get  there .  ’

‘  oh , yay !  someone’s  hurt .  ’

‘  pick  me .  choose  me .  love  me .  ’

‘  i’m  just  not  ready  to  forgive  you  yet .  ’

‘  go  on ,  just  get  it  all  out .  all  the  tears .  ’

‘  i  intend  to  fight  like  a  girl .  i’ll  let  them  kill  each  other  and  then  i’ll  be  the  last  one  standing .  ’

‘  well ,  isn’t  this  cozy ?  can  i  join  or  are  you  not  into  threesomes ?  ’

‘  if  i  went  missing ,  would  anyone  notice  i  was  gone ?  ’

‘  that  is  rude  and  unkind  and  completely  true .  ’

‘  so ,  i’m  bisexual .  so  what ?  it’s  called  lgbtq  for  a  reason .  there’s  a  b  in  there  and  it  doesn’t  mean  badass .  okay ,  it  does ,  but  it  also  means  bi .  ’

‘  can  you  go  have  sex  with  him  and  make  him  be  nicer ?  ’

‘  i  don’t  know  what  i  am ,  but  i  know  that  i  am  not  happy .  ’

‘  it’s  okay …  to  be  tired ,  right ?  ’

‘  i  don’t  know  who  i  am  anymore .  not  someone  i  ever  thought  i’d  be .  ’

‘  i  believe ,  if  you  were  dead ,  the  world  would  be  a  better  place .  ’

‘  don’t  let  what  they  want  eclipse  what  you  need .  ’

‘  he  is  not  the  sun .  you  are .  ’

‘  he  can  go  suck  it !  i  am  the  sun .  ’

‘  did  he  visit  “ ladytown ” ?  because  i  find  if  they  don’t  go  down  to  “ ladytown ”  the  first  time …  there  should  be  no  next  time .  ’

‘  i  need  more  liquor ,  i’m  not  ready .  ’

‘  uh ,  this  bottle  is  empty ,  are  there  more ?  bottles ?  ’

‘  i’m  all  alone  and  i  have  nothing  and  no  one  wants  me .  ’

‘  let’s  do  it .  let’s  make  a  baby ,  right  now .  ’

‘  is  it  true ?  did  you  punch  a  homophobe ?  ooh ,  unexpected .  high  five !  ’

‘  we’re  adults .  when  did  this  happen ?  and  how  do  we  make  it  stop ?  ’

‘  you  think  i’m  broken ?  fix  me .  cause  i’m  no  quitter .  ’

‘  i’m  not  happy  and  bubbly .  i’m  dark  and  cloudy .  ’

‘  you  never  think  the  last  time’s  going  to  be  the  last  time .  you  think  there  will  be  more .  you  think  you  have  forever ,  but  you  don’t .  ’

‘  no  one  is  leaving  and  no  one  is  dying .  ’

‘  everyone  is  leaving  and  everyone  is  dying .  ’

‘  the  words  that  you  said  were  “ lets  take  this  bitch  down . ”  ’

‘  that  was  the  tequila  talking .  ’

‘  the  only  way  to  fail  is  not  to  fight  so  you  fight  until  you  can’t  fight  anymore .  ’

‘  from  now  on ,  you  can  expect  that  i’m  gonna  show  up .  even  if  i  yell ,  even  if  you  yell .  i’m  always  gonna  show  up ,  okay ?  ’

‘  it’s  not  true …  it’s  not  true .  he  takes  the  truth  but  he  twists  it  and  changes  it  to  fit  his  own  story .  ’

‘  you’re  my  person .  if  i  murdered  someone ,  you’re  the  person  i’d  call  to  help  me  drag  the  corpse  across  the  living  room  floor .  ’

‘  you  are  my  favorite  person  on  the  planet  and  if  we  are  meant  to  be  more  in  this  lifetime  it  can’t  start  with  you  cheating .  ’

‘  are  you  plotting  a  murder ?  a  nuclear  attack ?  it’s  fine ,  i’ll  get  on  board ,  i’m  sure  you  have  a  good  reason .  but  just ,  let  me  know .  ’

‘  you’ve  said  that  word  so  many  times  today  it  doesn’t  even  sound  like  a  word  anymore .  ’

‘  who  here  feels  like  they  have  no  idea  what  they’re  doing ?  ’

‘  too  many  people  have  seen  me  naked  already .  i’d  like  to  keep  whatever  dignity  i  have  left .  ’

‘  we  screw  boys  like  whores  on  tequila .  ’

‘  i  want  another  chance .  i’m  so  in  love  with  you .  ’

‘  i  know  you  have  a  boyfriend .  i’m  saying  you  could  have  a  husband .  ’

‘  your  boobs  are  perfect ,  your  hair  is  down  to  there .  if  i  were  you ,  i’d  walk  around  naked  all  the  time .  ’

‘  i  believe  that  in  the  face  of  overwhelming  evidence  to  the  contrary ,  we’ll  all  be  okay .  ’

‘  your  choice ,  it’s  simple :  them  or  me ?  i’m  sure  they’re  really  great ,  but  i  love  you .  ’

‘  i  get  it ,  okay ?  i  get  it !  you’ll  be  okay ,  you’ll  be  fine ,  but  what  about  me ?  so  don’t  do  it  for  yourself ,  do  it  for  me !  ’

‘  i’ll  never  be  able  to forgive  you  for  making  me  love  you .  ’

‘  when  your  life  is  sucking  you  get  drunk  and  sleep  with  inappropriate  men .  it’s  your  thing  or  whatever .  i  find  it  charming .  ’