The Creation Of My Own World

This blog is all about my thoughts and my observations to what is happening in my own little world.

[laneaworld]

It's my 10 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

[laneaworld]

I turned into someone I'm not so sure I would be proud of!!!

[laneaworld]

Reading my old posts tears me up...I feel so different to the one who wrote them..

This makes me feel nostalgic..

[laneaworld]

It’s been so long, my little digital diary..I missed you...!!!

[laneaworld]

When fear strikes...

I’m scared...

I’m broken..

I have my doubts..

I am confused...

I am feeling emotional today. I’ve been accusing him of cheating without solid proof but a hunch.

I can feel something is wrong. Some things and words just don’t connect. I have no solid proof but it scares me to know that there is a possibility of him cheating on me.

I don’t want my heart broken AGAIN by the SAME person I trust so much.

But I can’t just move on with this feeling and it’s killing me. It makes me paranoid. I know maybe, just maybe I am overthinking but I can’t help it.

Long distance relationship makes you like that. Knowing that he’s able to interact with others and you are too far to see how he does it. 

It really is easy to say you love someone but it’s too difficult to prove it.

I’m feeling low at this moment but I don’t want to tell him about my doubts. I don’t want him to think I don’t trust him because I am not sure if what I am thinking is really true.

This pain drives me crazy. Loving someone too much hurts too much..

[messy-elliot-deactivated2021041]

I WILL NEVER GET OVER THIS!

[thegoodvybe]

[laneaworld]

It’s Complicated

“It’s Complicated”-status ng mga taong hindi alam kung saan nakalugar.

Status ng mga taong nagugulumihanan sa relasyong sila din naman ang pumili.

Status ng mga taong hindi alam kung matatawag na relasyon ang sitwasyon o laro lang.

At higit sa lahat status ng mga taong ‘ika nga third party o kaya naman nagmamahal ng taong may ibang mahal.

Kagaya ko.

May mahal ako, mahal din naman ako pero nakatali na. Nagpasakal na sa iba este nagpakasal na sa iba bago pa man namin makilala ang isa’t isa.

Eh bakit nga ba ako nanatili sa piling niya gayong may asawa na pala siya? Kasi mahal ko. Ayan...Oo..Mahal ko..Alam ko naman sasabihin ninyo eh, yan ay linya ng mga tanga.

Oo na tanga na..tanggap ko naman eh..kahit masakit pa din sa pandinig.

Pero katwiran ko naman, eh hiwalay na naman sila nung maging kami. Hindi naman ako ang sumira ng pamilya niya. Sinabi ko namang malaya siyang makipagbalikan sa asawa niya kung yun ang gusto niya. Eh ayaw niya. Mas pinili niya ako, kaya ito namang si tanga pumayag na. Mahal ako eh.

Pero minsan napapaisip din ako. Tama nga ba ang naging desisyon ko? Tama nga bang manatili sa piling niya at piliing maging masaya kasama siya? Tama nga bang tanggapin nalang na malabong maging isa ang apelyidong dadalhin namin? 

Mahirap na talagang magmahal ng taong mamahalin sa panahon ngayon.

Kaya ito ako pikit-mata, sarado ang mga tainga sa mga bagay na makakasakit sa akin. Kasi nga naman “truth hurts” daw.

Ako pala si Bulag, si Pipi at si Bingi.

[laneaworld]

Drifting to a Deep Manhole

I feel like I’m losing my patience with everyone and everything. I am becoming a person worse than I can ever imagine. I don’t know when it all starter. This isn’t the person I dreamed to be.

I feel like I am stuck somewhere. I feel like being trapped with nowhere to run and nobody to turn to. I don’t know who to trust.

I feel like I want to regroup, find myself before I end up unfit to do my job and my responsibilities.

I want to go someplace where I don’t have to worry about anything and just enjoy being carefree. I want to experience new things and discover new adventures. I feel like if I stay here, I’m going to lose my sanity and I’ll end up hurting myself or others, most especially those innocent ones. They don’t need too much violence.

That won’t help them be a better person but at this moment, I don’t know how I’m going to control my temper.

Should I stay?

or should I go?

Is this really what I wanted to be? Or do I have other purpose in life?

Please, dear Lord, help me overcome this bitterness and sadness enveloping my whole life and eating my soul away into a deep dark dungeon I’m not sure I can survive.

Help me be a better person, a better daughter of Yours. Be my Guide. Be my Light. Walk with me.

In Jesus name....AMEN!

#confused

#lostsoul

[laneaworld]

Nowhere to be found

He seems to be gradually changing.

He seems to be more at ease with the people around him.

He seems to be looking forward to the future.

He seems to be happier when with other people.

He seems to be having more fun with his friends and coworkers.

And....he seems to be forgetting my presence, my smile, my warmth and most of all, my love.

He seems to be moving on when I am here who seems to be desperate, depressed and alone.

How did this happen? When did this happen? I may have realized it but then I was too happy to ignore all the signs.

Where am I supposed to go now when I was waking behind him in a path I never dared to question, in a road I never tried to notice?

I was behind him, oh yes! I didn’t notice where I was because I was busy looking at his back. His back was all I could see. His back that was broad and very masculine. I fell for it deep down to my core. That it made me shiver with excitement, made me overwhelmed with this intense feeling people call love.

I was wrong. I should have been beside him not behind him.

I should be walking with him hand in hand instead of staring at his handsome back.

I should have looked in his eyes and saw the disappearance of his love, his now divided attention, his cold smile. And that his heart stopped beating for me but maybe for someone else.

But wait, I have no proof about except for this instinct. 

I am not scared to but but rather scared to be answered. Scared that I may not like what he will answer. Scared to see a not even a glimpse of happiness can be shown in his eyes.

What am I supposed to do?

I’m being dragged down by my insecurity....by my unstoppable tears...by my aching heart...

Because deep within me, I know I fear to lose this one man who made me once feel like I’m the most beautiful woman in the universe. 

Like I’m the air that he breathes and the sun that gives him energy. 

Where am I supposed to go?

[laneaworld]

THE THREE SIDES OF TRUTH

It hurts to know the truth. It hurts to defend yourself from the truth. It hurts to never realize that the truth exists and is screaming at your face demanding you to open your eyes to see what is really happening. But you know what hurts the most, is when someone you trusted slap you with the truth in an awkward manner. I wish it was told in a more decent way but then no matter  how you say it, harsh or not it doesn't change the fact that they were not happy  with my use of that thingy. I knew it was not easy for her  and it way awkward and I could sense that she was hesitant to tell me though all of them actually talked about it and had an agreement that she should be the one to inform me because of her position.

Deep inside me I knew it would happen sooner not later. And it did soon.  But as I mentioned above, it still hurts despite you knowing and expecting it.

I know it was  MY FAULT. I know it was my insensitivity that's why I deserved  the hidden meaning of her words. Her words were not clear though her actions were clear. I  didn't have to read between the lines because it was way too obvious, in her way of speaking, her behavior that it wasn't easy for her to tell me directly about my overuse of the  something but doesn't belong to me but to everybody.

But what hurts me most was the fact that they talked about it without my knowledge and the fact that they would ask me favors and smile even when I borrow that thing from them like it was okay. When deep inside them, they were not liking the idea that I use it too much though they were actually related to my job. I felt like I was  used and when they got what they wanted, it was the time to inform me that i should end the abuse of the thing.

And with this, I realized something. Follow your instinct. It will lead to something and avoid disappointment in the future. Never trust others and their approaches because there is a possibility of pain and future failed expectations.

[laneaworld]

PAIN……THE ROOT OF ALL BITTERNESS

December 18, 2015

22:52

 It hurts like hell knowing you’d been lied to.

I was about to go to sleep when I decided to do something which I shouldn’t have done in the first place. Yes, I know I was at fault but I don’t regret doing what I did.

 The slow internet connection lost the momentum, somehow helped me slowly absorb what was happening. That realization when someone you gave a second chance to lied to you for I think not really a big reason. Well, that is my opinion.

 It hurts like hell knowing that you supposed to learn your lessons. You supposed to forget your painful past. You supposed to forget the betrayal, the previous heartache. The reason was too shallow but rehashing those moments, it hurts like hell.

 I am becoming insecure. Becoming scared. Starting to question my decisions. Starting to hurt again.

 The feeling of love is just an overwhelming experience. That feeling when you have those insects spreading their colorful wings in your stomach and you don’t feel horrified yet glorified. That feeling everyone else wants to feel and experience. That feeling that either makes you or break you. That feeling that you long when not around and yet you sometimes forget you have to feel for yourself when you are crashed and stumbled upon. That feeling I longed, felt and experienced. That feeling that scares me the most knowing that it accompanies pain, heartache, loss and deep sadness.

 Right now, I wish someone can take away that feeling so I won’t feel its nemesis. Right now, I want someone to hug me and tell me everything’s going to be okay. Right now, I want to be in a deep slumber that the only person who can wake me up is the person who made me experience what I am feeling. Right now, I want to cry until my eyes hurt. Until it begs me to stop. Until this pain gives up. Until love remains. Until I forget the reason that I am crying. Until I taste not the bitterness but triumph.

 Pain makes me experience the tightening of my chest. Pain makes me shiver. Pain makes my heart feel heavy. Pain makes me slouch due to its heavy weight.

Pain makes me want to give up. Pain pushes me to say “It’s over”. Pain makes me hate myself. Pain makes me regret my decision over this so-called “SECOND CHANCE”. Pain dictates my brain to stop thinking.

Pain makes me bitter.

[iadorebangcheolyong]

i grow wary of this game..

It is commonly known that MBLAQ is severely underrated and often forgotten in the kpop sphere, though us A+ would love to depute the latter it is sadly an accurate statement. Those who have watched MBLAQ for long enough would notice the...

[laneaworld]

This is one of my favorite songs by FT Island. I so love this band. They are all handsome, amazing and funny. They have different characteristics but they get along well. Someday, I am going to watch one of their concerts. I almost cried when I saw the video of Jonghoon crying on stage. It was really touching. They really love music. I hope that they will have a concert in the Philippines. They only did once and it was a long time ago. Saranghae oppas! Fighting...Maintin the humility and love to one another as well as to all PRIMADONNAS and you will go a long way..XOXO

[n-ikka-blog]

Note: First of all, Im not forcing you to love her, and all brief summary of how kind her heart is and how her past life was so tough.She is getting alot of hate mostly, and it iritates me how such a kind person still gets this. this is not fan-fiction, even google this, it is true, some are from...

[littledarkchild-blog]

Be gentle in your ways.

[laneaworld]

I love their connection. I was a fan of this drama. I enjoyed from the beginning til the end. Because of this, I became a big fan of Choi Minho. Before this show, I didn't know who he was, I didn't know he was a member of Shinee. I haven't heard him sang solo but I'm planning to listen one day. I watched him as one of the MC's of Mamma Mia before Cho Kyuhyun replaced him. Saranghaeyo Oppa!!!