PAIN……THE ROOT OF ALL BITTERNESS
It hurts like hell knowing you’d been lied to.
I was about to go to sleep when I decided to do something which I shouldn’t have done in the first place. Yes, I know I was at fault but I don’t regret doing what I did.
The slow internet connection lost the momentum, somehow helped me slowly absorb what was happening. That realization when someone you gave a second chance to lied to you for I think not really a big reason. Well, that is my opinion.
It hurts like hell knowing that you supposed to learn your lessons. You supposed to forget your painful past. You supposed to forget the betrayal, the previous heartache. The reason was too shallow but rehashing those moments, it hurts like hell.
I am becoming insecure. Becoming scared. Starting to question my decisions. Starting to hurt again.
The feeling of love is just an overwhelming experience. That feeling when you have those insects spreading their colorful wings in your stomach and you don’t feel horrified yet glorified. That feeling everyone else wants to feel and experience. That feeling that either makes you or break you. That feeling that you long when not around and yet you sometimes forget you have to feel for yourself when you are crashed and stumbled upon. That feeling I longed, felt and experienced. That feeling that scares me the most knowing that it accompanies pain, heartache, loss and deep sadness.
Right now, I wish someone can take away that feeling so I won’t feel its nemesis. Right now, I want someone to hug me and tell me everything’s going to be okay. Right now, I want to be in a deep slumber that the only person who can wake me up is the person who made me experience what I am feeling. Right now, I want to cry until my eyes hurt. Until it begs me to stop. Until this pain gives up. Until love remains. Until I forget the reason that I am crying. Until I taste not the bitterness but triumph.
Pain makes me experience the tightening of my chest. Pain makes me shiver. Pain makes my heart feel heavy. Pain makes me slouch due to its heavy weight.
Pain makes me want to give up. Pain pushes me to say “It’s over”. Pain makes me hate myself. Pain makes me regret my decision over this so-called “SECOND CHANCE”. Pain dictates my brain to stop thinking.
