laneybob

Just a bookmad girl

[laneybob420]

[laneybob420]

[laneybob420]

[laneybob420]

[laneybob420]

[laneybob420]

[laneybob420]

[laneybob420]

These long night hours

My brain feels dead

And alive

At the same time

I don't know

Real

From fake

In my mind

From in my face

True

From false

Like the cement walls

Closing in

Getting harder to breathe

Like Jason said

It feels like I've swallowed the sun

And it's burning all the bright

Burning my cheeks

Burning my wires

Burning my eyes

Fire

Creating water

These leaks in my dams

In my eyes

They say eyes

Are the windows to your soul

But I want to close the shutters

Because when the sun

Burns all the bright

The shadows creep in

And I'm afraid of the dark

That's when I get paranoid

When I feel people breathing

When I see faces

In the pitch black

When I don't know

Real

From fake

In my mind

From in my face

True

From false

When I turn my back

Do they talk

Like I've done

Like I know they do

Fake smiles

Plastered

On fake faces

They say crazy people

Never wonder

If they're crazy

But I wonder

If I feel myself slipping

S l o w l y

Into that

Neverending hole

Called madness

Because I feel the edge of the cliff

My toes

Gripping

From sharp rock

To nothing

And I'm screaming

But my lips are sealed

I'm begging without talking

Begging with my soul windows

For someone to throw down a rope

Or at least a match

Because if I'm too far gone

Deep in the dark

At least I'll be able to see

But on second thought

Maybe I don't want to see the faces

Because I feel

The fear

Eating me up

Inside

And out

Until I'm the greedy python

I feel the fear

Snapping at me

Like the frenzied jaws

Of a shark who's smelled

Blood

And I'm scared of the ocean

Scared of not being able to breathe

Like these cement walls

Scared of a supposedly dead

Thought to be long gone

Creature

Rising from the depths

I feel myself

Going headfirst into

"Am I crazy"

Like I'm afraid I'll go

Down these stairs

Spiraling

Into madness

Because I don't know

Real

From fake

In my mind

From in my face

True

From false

I should sleep

I know I should sleep

But sometimes

I'm afraid to close my eyes

'Cause that's when

I swear I feel

The icy palms of Death

Crawling ng up my spine

And that's when

I'm afraid of tomorrow

Because tomorrow

Anything could happen

And that's sun and moon

Good and bad

And did you know

That the moon doesn't shine on its own

The sun reflects off of it

Like a shiny mirror

So I'll let you decide

If the sun is good

Or the bad

Because mostly

I don't know

I'm too indecisive for this

And people keep asking me what I want

No

I

Don't

Know

What

I

Want

This pen that leaks

Scribbles of madness

Shakes in my hand

And I cant help wonder

If it feels the pressure of my hand

S q u e e z i n g

It

Trying to juice from it

Real

From fake

In my mind

From in my face

True

From false

Maybe it's not the pen

And it's me

But I don't know anymore

If you asked me my name

I wouldn't know

If you asked me where I am

I wouldnt know

But not because I don't know my name

But because they've told me to decide

Between birth

And adopted

And not because I don't know where I am

(Crittenton)

But because sometimes

I wonder

If it's all

A dream

Or a nightmare

Because sometimes

That happens to me

When I wake up

And am so sure

But then

Something slaps me

To get me to remember

That's when I know

Real

From fake

In my mind

From in my face

True

From false.

[laneybob420]

Betrayal

I gave you my heart for safe-keeping

But you took it and ripped it to pieces

I can never forgive this

I can't possibly forget this

Standing from afar

It was all in the dark

You never knew

How I felt about you

And yet

I gave you my heart for safe-keeping

And you took it and ripped it to pieces

[inkandintent]

I stayed quiet, hoping silence would make me easier to love.

[laneybob420]

sadness

sadness is an ocean.

at the shore

it doesn't look too bad

but when you're in the middle of it

the panic sets in

pulling you under

[slightlyoff-poetry]

How to be Nothing

Don't eat too much

Don't sleep too much

Please be perfect all the time

Eat some more

Sleep some more

Live your life in a straight line

Don't detest

Don't confess

Don't upset

Don't regress

Don't Insist

Don't resist

Don't be human

Don't exist.

©slightlyoff-poetry

(Photo from Pinterest)

[disc90s]

idk who needs to hear this but your body is loveable 

[disc90s]

[laneybob420]

eating

a burning fire

is behind these eyes

never-ending tire

and the yearning to cry.

I hold back these days

with all my might

shut up like dams

and the silence in the night.

I try to be quiet

for the fear of stares

I alter my diet

although no one cares.

I wish someone would hold me

and tell me not to fear

that there's no need to flee

and to let loose my tear.

it seems I could eat seas

and nothing at all

the never-ending plea

to not drop the ball.

but this black-hole in me

cannot be tamed

the hunger stings like a bee

and burns like a flame.

they say we can go without eating

for 21 days

but I find myself competing

in a half-eyed glaze.

years of mirror-flinching,

years of stomach pinching,

years of body shaming,

years of mental maiming.

but why does it matter?

why does my weight

scale

my worth?

why does the shape

of me make people gape?

I know it's in my head

the eyes that follow

I lie in my bed

and hope for tomorrow.

a day when women

are united,

a day when venom

has been righted.

a day when my beauty

has finally been sighted.

[laneybob420]

freedom

one day

I will break free

These wings

Will spread so long

And so high

No chain

No word

No box

No cage

Can hold me down.

One day

I will fly high

My mind

So light

No chain

No word

No box

No cage

Can hold me down.

One day

I will be brave

These words

Will spread love

No chain

No word

No box

No cage

Can hold me back.

[laneybob420]

butterflies in my stomach

there's butterflies inside me,

twisting and turning,

fluttering and flapping.

a monarch in my kidney,

a peacock in my appendix,

a painted lady in my liver,

a morpho in my stomach.

chrysalis nest in my lungs,

with flowers blooming in my thighs.

moss under my feet

and fireflies at my fingertips.

I am a miracle,

an abundance of rareties.