Untitled @languidobserver - Tumblr Blog

Above all else, I am sorry that I exist

if you put the new harry potter show on my dash in any way it's gonna be an automatic unfollow from me, guys. like. it's 2026. come the fuck on

regardo1975

...wrong server buddy!!!

lesbianjaxsondart

if you put the new harry potter show on my dash in any way it's gonna be an automatic unfollow from me, guys. like. it's 2026. come the fuck on

shamebats

My child, who spends their entire life being transfered from home to car to school and back, and is not allowed to leave the house or talk to anyone and can only in their wildest dreams imagine a life free from constant surveillance, is very sad. Obviously they're dumb and lazy, like all kids these days.

whineandcheese24

kind of a tangent but i recently went to a bowling alley with my friend i'm 19 he's 18 and the woman at the door didn't want to let us in because there was a sign saying under-18s needed adult supervision. everything got cleared up and we were able to go bowl, but i'm still so mad about the fact that kids need adult supervision to go to a bowling alley and arcade. like okay maybe young kids should have supervision but what do you mean middle and high schoolers need to hold mommy's hand while they play video games. kids aren't just addicted to their phones because phones are addicting, we're addicted to our phones because there's nothing else to fucking do

shamebats

I'm sure banning kids from online spaces while simultaneously not ensuring that they have access to offline spaces to socialize in (without having to rely on their parents who already don't have time for them) will help them feel better & less alienated from society.

twocubes

"Ok, ma'am that'll be 226.03$."

I take my wallet out of my pocket and unfold it. It is empty other than a single moth that lazily flies out. The moth lands on the tap point of the card reader. There's a beat, and my payment is processed. The moth flies back into my wallet and I put it back in my pocket.

rowshark

johnny-depp-is-loved

cassettefuturism

elf-trash

seriously though why isn't the Vorkosigan Saga more popular/well known in the sci fi canon?? it's shockingly ahead of its time, has brilliant world-building, some of the most compelling characters I've ever encountered in literature, and excellent top tier prose and plotting. it brilliantly tackles themes of gender, disability, politics, and family dynamics and has romance, action, mystery, intrigue, and did I mention incredible world-building??

it's like Game of Thrones meets Star Trek meets The Expanse meets Regency romance. it's incredible.

if you haven't heard of this AMAZING series by Lois McMaster Bujold, run don't walk and go read it immediately!!!!

also, fun fact, Lois Bujold got her start writing fanfic for Star Trek fanzines, which REALLY makes sense when you look at the content of her writing lol

the series wasn't written chronologically but it's definitely best to read it chronologically with one exception (which is to read Falling Free before Diplomatic Immunity).

here's my personal preferred reading order (with some notes):

Shards of Honor - 1986 start here! this book is about 33-year-old Cordelia, an astrocartographer from Beta Colony (Star Trek commie soyboy planet), and how she meets and falls in love with 44-year-old Aral Vorkosigan, a general from Barrayar (military aristocracy feudalism planet)

Barrayar - 1991 continues the story of Cordelia and Aral's romance, with many complications

The Warrior’s Apprentice - 1986 from this book onwards, the protagonist of the series shifts to Miles, Cordelia and Aral's disabled son. I was bracing myself for this switch because I was so attached to Cordelia, but 17-year-old Miles immediately jumps off the page here and quickly became one of my all time favorite literary characters. he's a disabled nepo baby from an extremely prejudiced and ableist society who may or may not have inspired Tyrion Lannister. he's incredible, character of all time, no notes

The Mountains of Mourning (novella) - 1989 this one is a novella that is part of The Borders of Infinity, which is a framing device for 3 novellas. the framing part of the book is set after Brothers in Arms, but I recommend reading each individual novella as it falls chronologically and then going back and reading the framing sections later

The Vor Game - 1990 Miles is 20 now

Cetaganda - 1995 a fun murder mystery starring 22-year-old Miles

Ethan of Athos - 1986 this book is somewhat of a detour because Miles isn't in it, but it heavily features a character who later becomes his girlfriend. it's set concurrently to Cetaganda

Labyrinth (novella) - 1989 another novella from Borders of Infinity which introduces Taura, a character who becomes very important to Miles

The Borders of Infinity (novella) - 1987 the final novella from the Borders of Infinity. it goes here chronologically. the framing device is technically set after Brothers in Arms, but it's fine to read here too if you want

Brothers in Arms - 1989 Miles goes to Earth in this one! kudos to Lois for pulling off one of my least favorite plot devices here (a secret clone) and making it an incredible and heart-breaking exploration of identity and character

Mirror Dance - 1994 this book is probably one of the best in the whole series. Lois was really cooking with this one! split POV between Miles and his clone brother, Mark

Memory - 1996 this book is a little quieter than the previous ones, but in a really good way

Komarr - 1998 introduces Miles primary love interest, Ekaterin, and splits POV between her and Miles. they're both 30 here

A Civil Campaign - 1999 this one is like, a classic Shakespearean comedy in terms of structure. apparently it was inspired by Regency romance. it's absolutely incredible and one of my favorites in the series

Winterfair Gifts (short story) - 2004 Miles and Ekaterin's wedding, told from the POV of one of their armsmen. sort of a Christmas special but in a good way!

Falling Free - 1988 another detour. this book is actually set 200 years before the events of the series, but it tells the origin story of the Quaddies and is relevant to Diplomatic Immunity, hence why I suggest reading it here

Diplomatic Immunity - 2002 32-year-old Miles and his wife untangle a diplomatic crisis with the Quaddies

Captain Vorpatril’s Alliance - 2012 told from the POV of Miles' cousin Ivan

The Flowers of Vashnoi (novella) - 2018 a novella about Ekaterin, Miles' wife

Cryoburn - 2010 get ready to WEEP

Gentleman Jole and the Red Queen - 2016 we're back in Cordelia's POV for this one. lots of spicy revelations about her and Aral's marriage (including a space throuple)!!!! we love to see it!!!

I read this series so insanely fast, like I was quite literally blasting through one book a day (each book is around 300 pages so it's not as crazy as it sounds), but that's honestly how good they are.

every single book has at least one moment that made me stop short and really think about my life. I would say the whole series is kind of a meditation on the concept of honor. and also gender issues and disability politics. some of the gender terminology is dated, but the sentiments are extremely forward-thinking, especially considering when these books were largely written. as I mentioned, the main character is disabled, and there are MANY queer and gender non-conforming characters throughout the series!

if you like Ursula LeGuin, you'll probably enjoy these! honestly surprised Bujold isn't as well-known/highly regarded as LeGuin, because imo they're very similar and very comparable!!!

again, run don't walk!!! these books need to be more popular so they get reprinted and I can buy a box set!!!! there should be an HBO show!!!!

leviathan-supersystem

there's this video going around from youtuber Adam Something about how "the left pushed men into the arms of Andrew Tate by not having good dating advice for men" and it kicks off with a personal story where he says "when i was a young man and I'd ask 'how do I score a hot gf? 😏' the left responded 'uhm, the word score is actually very problematic!' and I said 'jeez sorry I asked' and then I went to the right, and (etc.)" and it's like...

look man. if you're going around saying "how do I score a hot gf", out loud, with your mouth, where people can hear you, then honestly "hey maybe reconsider how you talk and think about women" is actually really good dating advice that will help you cause saying that shit is gonna repulse women. maybe it's not what you wanted to hear but it's what you needed to hear.

oorpe

I kinda agree that Adam's guide was a bit tone-deaf and silly, but it's still a concrete list of things to do to be less shitty when you are starting to date. Which in turn facilitates getting to know people you find attractive, and realizing that they are also people.

You're not going to get far if you start with language policing. Kids know almost nothing and fear rejection a lot, so we should try to figure out the actual meaning behind the poorly chosen words of the question instead of immediately chastizing them for asking it in the wrong way.

The question of "how do I score a hot gf" is likely to expand into "dating seems scary and vulnerable, I'd like to become romantically involved with a specific person but I have no social script to navigate by, and I don't want to blow my chances through some silly mistake" if you pry a little and ask a few follow-up questions. And we as adults are in fact capable of dealing with poorly worded and stupid-sounding questions without immediately turning to glib hostility. We just have to ask follow-up questions and be patient and kind.

she-who-is-two-sizes-too-big

We do not have to be patient and kind to misogynists who turn to the right when their misogyny is challenged

oorpe

The follow-up questions are intended to determine if you are talking to someone who can still be steered to a better path, I'm just saying it's good praxis to hold your horses for a moment before getting confrontational when you come upon someone asking dumb shitty questions. They might actually be asking good questions in shitty and dumb ways due to a myriad of reasons.

You don't have to be endlessly patient of course. If they double down on the misogyny or whatever, feel free to tear em a new one!

she-who-is-two-sizes-too-big

"How do I score a hot gf" is kind of inherently incapable of being a good question because it, and the sentiment behind it, are rooted in men's feelings of ownership over women's bodies and the belief that having a girlfriend is something men are entitled to

oorpe

I agree that these are some of the broad misogynistic currents underlying the question! Nonsensical expectations and demands towards women are things we are in no short supply of, and not being a toxic dick is a never-ending process of recognizing and discarding these ideas as they swim to the surface. What I'm getting at is that if one is talking to a young man who is asking this question, "how to score a hot gf" can be sort of a stock formulation of a much more complex ask. Sometimes the underlying question is unfortunately still going to be "how do I manipulate women into giving me things I want, preferably without anything in return" and that is reprehensible and deserving of ridicule and scorn. But other times, the underlying question is going to be "how do I approach this person I have a crush on, I can't seem to find a way to begin communicating (probably due to some unexamined assumptions and feelings rooted in the general misogyny of my environment), is there some sort of an etiquette that I could follow so this would be less scary? Also I don't want to act like that guy from the first hypothetical, he's a shithead."

In either case, to our 15-20yo boy/man asking the question, the "how to score a hot gf" formulation is a concise and plausibly deniable way to broach the subject. It doesn't bare vulnerability or unveil specific bad intentions, and it's plausibly explainable as ironic, so that their peers are less likely to make fun of them for asking it.

jessicalprice

No, it’s not complicated. Young cis men are asking “why have I not automatically received the mommy bangmaid I am owed for having a dick and surviving until adulthood?” and the answer is “leave women the fuck alone since you’re incapable of basic empathy or recognizing humanity in women and girls.”

oorpe

In lieu of constructing Killjoy's Incel Island, I still think it makes sense to figure out if a young person is using inflammatory rhetoric out of genuine buy-in into harmful ideas or out of cultural osmosis, and crafting my approach accordingly. To each their own, of course.

lesbian-spider-drone

Folks will choose “being right” versus “being effective” almost every time, it seems.

dragon-in-a-fez

I feel like I am genuinely losing brain cells watching people argue that we should ostracise teenagers for asking for life advice in less than perfect language, while simultaneously making up a whole parallel universe in which said less than perfect language means specific things no reasonable person would read into it. like, is "how do I score a hot gf" objectifying? yes, obviously. does it mean "I think I am entitled to the partner of my choice and for her to be my mommy and sex slave"? no, you literally just made that up and I'm starting think you're the one we should maroon on Killjoy Island

chekhovs-raygun

i think there's two conversations working at cross purposes here?

it's deeply exasperating to be a girl around boys who casually talk about you as an object to be obtained--a *score*--and then when told not to be so blatantly rude they run off and become hateful and dangerous. women are really goddamn sick of this situation!

feminism that doesn't afford young men any grace or patience for expressing desire--or even expressing sexist entitlement to women's time, attention, and bodies--is not going to reach any of them, because teenagers are very sensitive and fragile and sexist as hell. and there ought to be some kind of persuasive and appealing onroad to feminism for these boys, because misogynists are always recruiting.

both positions are extremely urgent and neither side, understandably, wants to drop the point they're trying to make until the other side understands them. but also both sides can be correct at the same time.

jessicalprice

Except position #2 demands that women and girls focus on being teachers to survive rather than having space to thrive as actual human beings.

Not every male, adult or teenage, “deserves” a partner.

Having the freedom to have sex with a consenting adult partner without outside forces preventing you from doing so is a human right.

Being guaranteed sex is NOT a human right, and all this “be nicer to the poor Boys With Promising Futures who just want to treat other human beings like sex vending machines” advice treats misogynist men not being able to get women to have sex with them as a problem.

It is not actually a problem. It is female human beings having the freedom to exercise choice about what they’re doing with their bodies.

And literally every argument that it needs to be fixed by anything other than boys and men deciding they don’t want to treat women as subhuman rests on using women and girls as shock absorbers for male dysfunction.

Fix your fucking hearts, manage your own emotions, and do it without requiring us to spend our precious time on this planet teaching you and centering you so you don’t fucking murder us or a random school full of children because it makes you angry that we have free will.

andtheladyknight

I get the point of being exhausted and tired of teaching men to stop being awful. But someone has to. You don’t magically become a better person. Somewhere along the way, someone points you towards better behavior. We learn from our community and social circle and if someone is just getting yelled at by communities they aren’t part of, they won’t have any interest in joining.

That said, this isn’t every woman’s job. We can choose if we want to take on that responsibility person to person. It should be men stepping up and stopping young boys from getting steeped in misogyny. We don’t have enough men doing that, so if someone is willing to give a young man a chance to talk and not just lash out, there’s a better chance that we can change people.

I think this is true for any type of discrimination or disenfranchisement. It’s not the job of black people to make white people realize their racism. White allies should be stepping up and taking more of the load in regards to educating people. Which sometimes means not just being an asshole and being willing to have a real conversation with someone.

Not everyone is willing to change. But we’ll never know if all we do is close ranks. Rather than just calling out problematic behavior, we can call people into our circle and help them learn to be better. It’s work. It isn’t always work that a marginalized person has to do. People with privilege who want to help can do better by taking on more responsibility there.

For me, that can mean being willing to not immediately react in retaliation to someone not knowing all the right words or ways they might be wrong. Someone using outdated terms for trans people might be perfectly willing to hear me out if I talk about the trans people in my life and let them make a few mistakes by gently correcting them. I’ve literally done this with family and in work settings before.

If the person being called in isn’t willing to listen, that’s on them. We don’t have to take the shit if they won’t act in good faith. Giving someone steeped in racism or misogyny or homophobia or transphobia or any kind of cultural miasma of disgust and hatred the chance to actually learn instead of writing them off at their first mistake will do wonders for actually changing people’s minds.

I’d rather take a few moments to start a conversation and get them on the right track than assume that they’re unable to be reasoned with. The best way to defeat an enemy is to make them a friend.

Again, not everyone has the time or space or capacity to do this. Getting angry at the people willing to take on the load is just making it harder for them. It isn’t any woman’s job to educate misogynists. If someone is willing to take on the burden, lecturing them for making that choice just wastes everyone’s time.

jessicalprice

It’s fucking amazing that you think these men who are eagerly consuming material that tells them that women are subhuman are making their one first mistake.

And that it’s a “mistake.”

I’m a member of a privileged class: I’m white. I encountered white supremacist material on the internet in my formative years.

And I saw it, and I said ew, and I didn’t start consuming it, let alone keep consuming it, because it was TELLING ME AN ENTIRE GROUP OF HUMAN BEINGS WAS SUBHUMAN and NOPE.

I didn’t need a Black person to hold my hand and tenderly and patiently tell me not to be a fucking Nazi. Why do men need women to tenderly and patiently educate them in <checks notes> not seeing us as subhuman sex vending machines?

You are exactly those people who are like “Are we really going to ruin this promising young man’s life over ‘a few minutes of action’ when he raped a classmate with a Coke bottle?”

If a guy doesn’t see women as human beings, he does not deserve a female partner, and 100% of that is on him, because being a fucking alt-right incel is not a “mistake,” it is a continuous, ongoing CHOICE.

languidobserver

"How do I get a girlfriend?"

"Stop being a misogynist."

"How am I being a misogynist?"

"By wanting a girlfriend."

Do you see why an onlooker would be confused and infuriated by this exchange? Why they might side with the girlfriend-wanter instead of the anti-misogynist? How Person A has no incentive to change and every incentive to just double down?

"You are exactly those people who are like “Are we really going to ruin this promising young man’s life over ‘a few minutes of action’ when he raped a classmate with a Coke bottle?”"

This is an insane escalation wft are you talking about? How could you possibly derive THAT from what knight was saying?