onwards, always.

And I will show you something different from either Your shadow at morning striding behind you Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you; I will show you fear in a handful of dust. - t. s. eliot

[largehearts]

i need more amaya icons but i cba to do the screen capturing D:

[largehearts]

warmth.

she never would have guessed this is what it feels like. she never anticipated passing on the mantle -- she could have, should have, but her own immortality (and cowardice, yes) had made her complacent in the know that she would outlast the others of her kind. princesses may come and go, but she is the immortal queen.

them she became a mother, and everything was suddenly so different -- life itself gained an entirely new meaning when she brought a new person into it; someone to love and protect like she’d never loved and protected before.

of course, micah was doing most of the protecting, and she was content to just love from the gentle shades -- content, even, when it came to her daughter marching to the frontlines of battle, leaving her at the war table with her long fingers clutched at her chest in impotent worry.

she would not be able to name the feeling that overcame him in that last moment. she had never expected there to be a last moment, and yet it became crystal clear so fast. she plunged headfirst like never before in her lengthy life, taking the place of a girl that was needed more.

even the immortal queen fell,

and now she floats in some kind of unnameable, untameable abyss, not knowing up from down, forward from back. the one thing she remembers that gives her some semblance of comfort is her daughter’s memory, and a faint echo of the connection she has to what makes her who she is - her runestone.

she does not expect to feel warmth when the connection is severed. she knows what it means, and it’s a bittersweet pain, knowing her daughter is queen now, laden with the role that might still be to heavy for her, no matter how much faith her mother has in her.

but, there it is. gentle, slow like the tide, coming in a wave of knowing. glimmer has risen to the occasion. as she always has.

angella can, maybe,

rest.

[phantomemes]

credit .

‘ did it really happen if i can’t remember it ? ’ ‘ but you kept trying , didn’t you ? ’ ‘ how can someone be too young to be in love ? ’ ‘ i will never forgive you ’ ‘ you have been the star of each and every one of my nightmares ’ ‘ i’m sorry if i wasn’t the child you had in mind ’ ‘ i only ever wanted to make you proud ’ ‘ silence has always been my loudest scream ’ ‘ i used to think i was broken ’ ‘ i’ve always felt like a stranger in my skin ’ ‘ i still wonder who i would have been ’ ‘ i didn’t realize i could be my own knight ’ ‘ i’m not scared of the monsters hidden underneath my bed ’ ‘ some names will always be cursed ’ ‘ i have so much love to give , but no one ever wants it ’ ‘ in all my dreams i could find myself picking my teeth out of the carpet ’ ‘ i’m sick to death of everyone telling me how strong i am ’ ‘ death is one of the senses ’ ‘ children are not meant to die before their parents ’ ‘ fate is a fucking lie ’ ‘ everyone i love leaves ’ ‘ i’m terrified down to my very roots that there are parts of myself that can never be filled ’ ‘ fuck the idea that there is such a thing as destiny ’ ‘ the pain did not make me a better person ’ ‘ i burned the bridges to all the things i could not repair ’ ‘ i would thank you , but we both know you don’t deserve it ’ ‘ i bet you regret making an enemy out of me ’ ‘ you can hate me forever if that’s what you really want ’ ‘ hurting others is a choice ’ ‘ you can have my forgiveness but you can’t have me ’ ‘ please believe me when i say revenge was never my intention ’ ‘ i am strong enough for anything ’ ‘ i am so glad we were born during the same lifetime ’ ‘ i may not believe in fate , but i believe in you ’ ‘ i am allowed to live my life ’ ‘ do not waste a minute mourning me ’ ‘ maybe you should start treating people better for a change ’ ‘ it is a fucking tragedy when the world does not stop for you when you give it every last drop of your blood ’ ‘ your failures are just what happened — they don’t have to be who you are ’ ‘ you have to keep moving forward ’ ‘ don’t allow the world to take your kindness ’ ‘ you owe no one your forgiveness ’ ‘ love is never a weakness ’

[largehearts]

This is not fair.

A thought that occurs to Markus often after his deviation - the thought itself that gave him his last push to break the walls of his programming. Unfairness in the world; against androids, but also in every other aspect of life, this is what Markus has chosen to fight against.

He does not want to overthrow humans, to pay back every slight. Some say it is because he was virtually unslighted until that fateful day of his breaking point. He doesn’t know what he would say to those that claim this -- it isn’t untrue, technically. Still, when he marched on the streets of Detroit and chanted equal rights, he meant it.

As for why... well. He was introduced to the full extent of his strength and thrown in the deep end at the same time; a clean break from his comfortable life, a fight that he couldn’t have lost if he wanted to (Carl’s face, oh God).

Breaking the wall was one thing - going deviant didn’t mean a thing until he saw Leo fall to the ground as if in a preconstruction (but still not slow enough to stop it), heard the sickening sound of the back of his head connecting with the concrete floor. It didn’t take Markus a long time to understand wholly: exercising one’s free will always has consequences.

And so he binds one hand behind his back, knowing that using both would make him and his kind far superior to humans, and knowing that allowing that to happen wouldn’t benefit anyone in the end. He does not start a revolution, but worms his way into people’s hearts with the peace offering on his lips and the blue blood of his innocence painted on the canvas of his jacket.

--------

(ALTERNATIVELY: albeit I generally play Markus as pacifist route best ending Markus, I am totally open to going the opposite route - with the one caveat that Markus will only go that way if he remained passive and Carl died of a heart attack the day he went deviant. There, he learns: remaining passive kills more than he ever could; it ends the fight before it can really begin. For Carl’s memory, he refuses to do that ever again.)

[largehearts]

me: slinks in after fuck knows how long sooooo !!! i’ve returned to my actually working medication, and i anticipate i will soon feel like an actual human being. i won’t make any promises, bc i have written one (1) thing in the last 8 months, but!! i’m actually getting motivated again!! at the same time, for now i’m only going to write dbh stuff as i have been completely swallowed by it and it refuses to let go of me. SEND ME THINGS and i will love you forever!! ALSO lms for inbox things (mainly from markus and hank, but hey, there is a fair chance i will write anything for my longtime partners so hmu!!!)

[largehearts]

to more than i can be

[largehearts]

madefate‌:

       At the reciprocating touch, Shiro leans in – just a little, enough to more fully feel his brother’s warmth and his presence at his side. Enough to let some of the tension bleed from the set of his shoulders as he eases himself into the moment. Into the conversation, which seems to be fairly set into motion at this point. Not that it hadn’t before – perhaps it’s merely a matter of admitting that they’re here, that they are past the point of distraction and diversion. ( the physical proof that distraction and diversion are still there, as instincts, no matter how Shiro is trying to unlearn them. or, at least, better and more sparingly use them. ) 

       ( of course, the problem is not so simple as that. it’s not just a matter of learning honesty – it’s learning how to feel it, own it. to trust in something he had spent so many years fearing would be the end of everything he had fought so hard to keep holding together. to untangle the urge he has to keep his weight off of his brother’s shoulder – to see him for who he has become, to trust that he, himself, can find a balance between giving him too much to hold and too little. taking a deep, full breath, not feeling the constriction in his lungs that worry usually creates, he remembers the fact that it’s getting easier. trust. ) 

       The question had been coming, Shiro was sure of it, but he’s glad that he stays silent and allows Keith to continue. His understanding is, at once, met with relief and a deep seated concern that has Shiro wanting to interrupt with some kind of instinctual, genuine reassurance despite not knowing what his brother is referring to – but, of course, he swallows that back. And he’s rewarded with something he hadn’t been expecting; perhaps he should have asked, more, about Keith’s feelings – about their parents, about his own. But his guilt is tempered by something purer, a kind of sorrow that comes from hearing someone he loves more than most things in this world call himself unworthy. 

       Still, he manages to huff a gentle, quiet laugh – because of course he can picture Krolia shutting that down with her particular brand of straightforward care. And he’s deeply grateful to her for that – for giving Keith a kind of love that he has needed and deserved. Shiro glances back up, in time to hear the point of all of this ( she just wanted me to be happy ) and he holds his brother’s gaze in silence after he’s finished. 

       Letting his eyes close a little, Shiro nods. ❛ Yeah. You’re right about that. ❜ He has those memories, probably all of them – whatever he has lost, it hasn’t been the soft quality of Mom’s voice or the way Dad had decked out his room in glowing, stick-on stars. All the little things that he hadn’t held onto fiercely enough at the time, he has them. His jaw aches and he realizes that he is grinding his teeth together against the knowledge that what they’d for him, for them, is the same that Krolia wants for Keith – happiness. 

       Doesn’t that make everything he’s done that much more – selfish? Ungrateful? Terrible? 

       ❛ – To mourn them. ❜ The answer comes all in a rush, late and after Shiro has already dropped his gaze back down. Because it’s all wrapped up in that; all the love, the gratitude, the ownership that their passing is a part of his life – he has done everything to disappoint them, and refusing to acknowledge his feelings for so long ( finding some empty spot in the Garrison to cry, months later, without thinking; desperately pushing the thoughts of Mom away from him on a Galra cruiser; yelling at Keith through a closed door ) – they deserved better from him. 

       ❛ I’ve just – done a lot of things wrong. So I don’t – ❜ years ago, the truth would have stuck harder in his throat, until he found himself unable to speak it at all. Now it just catches, rough and worried, on its way out. ❛ – Know how to… unpack any of this. ❜ 

Keith’s heart does an odd sort of backflip at the word mourn. If he really thinks about it, it’s not like he knows how to do that well, himself. Pursing his lips, he drops his gaze into his lap for a moment, pulling away his free hand Shiro isn’t holding to run his fingers through his hair. “I mean, my experience in that regard is probably not a prime example of how to go about it?” he offers, looking back up as he allows his lips to tug into a faint smile that nevertheless carries the bitterness of the moment. “I mourn by lashing out and running away from people who care about me.” He pauses for a moment, amending, “Well, I try not to do that anymore, but, you know.”

Still, regardless of how unhelpful he feels right now, there is something in the here and now, strung out taut between them like a breath held just a little too long – a feeling that, just by having started this conversation, things aren’t actually going straight to hell. So Keith allows himself to feel that, and then to show it on his face, the way he looks back at his brother, with an echo of that smile in his eyes still, melted into the kind of softness Keith only ever had for Shiro and nobody else.

Admittedly, he’s not completely sure how Shiro’s wrongdoings (real or imagined) relate to any sort of right to grieve, but it’s not important enough to merit asking. Even knowing the answer, he would have little he could do with it – he can’t speak for their parents, after all; he can only say what he thinks or knows to be true.

“Slowly, probably,” he says in the end. “I don’t think there’s such a thing as too late, in this.” Conviction shines through, that Keith-trademark, bull-headed stubbornness that makes him sound almost defensive to anyone who doesn’t know him well. “So, I guess you might as well take your time.” He gives a little shrug, lets his shoulder rub against Shiro’s in the process where they still touch. “Talk to me, or don’t…” The gentle pressure intensifies for a few seconds as he allows a bit more of his weight to rest on Shiro. “But just… Start somewhere.”

He waits for a moment for the other to look at him. Even if it’s just his own belief, it’s rock solid. “You deserve to. And,” a small pause, “so do they.”

[largehearts]

> dusts off blog > tries not to choke

Anyone want inbox things while I attempt to literature after like half a year? (jesus.)

[largehearts]

ooc. so, the thing is, as much as i could blame motherhood, it's not that causing my inactivity. it's mainly my medication doesn't work and i'm incredibly depressed. it's hard to find motivation for enjoyment itself as i'm mostly just numbly functioning. but! i do remember what it feels like, and i miss it awfully. so! i'm going to try. and try and try.

if you're seeing this post & want to help me, i'd love it if you a) liked this post to indicate you still want to write with me, or b) talk to me on discord bc i miss talking hcs and fandom and everything (but most of all i miss my friends on here). ❤️

[largehearts]

i promise i still exist! just i haven't slept in a month lmfao thanks summer! replies will come, hopefully soon. poke me on discord!

[isacchili]

Weird dog.

[largehearts]

devianttm‌:

Memory corruption.

That doesn’t sound too good - something must have happened to Markus as well for his memory to be CORRUPTED. Something bad. Whatever Markus had gotten himself into - Connor really hopes it isn’t TOO BAD.

It’s clear that whatever had happened, Markus is CONFUSED. The look on his face, the stress levels - Markus doesn’t even know what happened. Which means Connor has to figure this out with what little information he has.

“I can. If you’ll take me to where this happened.” Reconstructing the event seemed like the best and the ONLY option that they had right now.

Markus tries again to access the files and gets – static. He remembers part of his way, and a few glimpses of the human’s furious face. Don’t do anything. Don’t fight back. An old directive he can’t for the life of him erase; the last order he ever got from a human that he tried to obey. Pursing his lips, Markus freezes the image he has of the protester, focusing his analytics on the outlines of the buildings behind him in the image until he has at least a vague idea of the area. That will do for now.

As this process only takes a fragment of a second, in human terms, he still has ample enough time to look back at Connor and say, “Thank you,” without the conversation feeling stilted. Then he turns toward where he supposes he has come from, knowing the RK800 will follow, up until the point where he will take the lead instead.

While on the way, Markus reasons that if Connor thought it necessary to analyse his chassis beyond what he likely already scanned, he would have said so – so he recalls the prompt, and initiates his self-repair function.

>> Scan in progress. >> Scan in progress. >> Scan complete. >> Biocomponent #4807 damaged; initiating repair.

Markus stops the flow of prompts there, only wanting to allow one thing to repair at a time in order to have enough processing power left to react to whatever happens next. As they walk and the minutes tick by, he becomes aware of a buzzing sensation in his left ear only as it diminishes, then disappears.

[largehearts]

it’s been a while since i’ve done a discord drop! add me!! :*

Keep reading

[largehearts]

it’s been a while since i’ve done a discord drop! add me!! :*

a wood penguin 🦉#8076

[largehearts]

devianttm‌:

A protester. Of course. Connor has come across his fair share of those - they seem to HATE that he’s a DPD detective. Because that means Connor can make things RIGHT - that means he can help androids who have no one else to turn to and don’t trust HUMAN POLICE.

Eyebrow arches, as if he’s SUSPICIOUS - does Markus not realize he has HUMAN BLOOD on his body? A simple bruise of knuckles wouldn’t have had the man’s blood on Markus’ body.

“Markus. You have his blood on you. That’s not something that happens with mere bruised knuckles.” He squints at Markus suspiciously - was there something Markus WASN’T telling him? Was it because of his status as an officer? Doesn’t the other android know that WHATEVER it is, Connor won’t turn him in? He’s CERTAIN the man has his reasons. “What really happened?”

Markus squints at Connor, trying to figure out the reason for his pushiness. Is it really that strange? “He might have spent a while hitting,” he says, and he sounds – almost placid. (Yeah – yeah it is weird. Markus knows he is acting odd, but – the more he thinks about it, the more confusing it feels.) “I think,” he adds, and then frowns slightly. “I’m not really sure. It seems I have – some kind of memory corruption.”

He looks down at his front, taking in the sight for the first time. It really is a lot of blood for just a bruised hand. But all he remembers is the man yelling obscenities at him and raising his fists.

Superimposed, a flash of a more familiar face sneering at him. A command – don’t do anything. Don’t fight back. And then… nothing.

Markus raises a hand to his face, to blue-tinted bruises he cannot see but can register their existence. An objective hovers at the edge of his field of vision.

RESTORE FUNCTION      [ RETRACT DERMAL SHEATH ]      [ INITIATE SELF-REPAIR PROGRAM ]

He thinks for a moment, and then dismisses the prompt, setting a reminder for it to return at a later point. For now, he looks at Connor, his mouth twitching in a mixture of worry and irritation. “Perhaps you could help me.” After all – isn’t that what Connor does best? Reconstruct crimes?

[largehearts]

@devianttm // cont.

Not feeling pain has its perks, but perhaps the fact that Markus hasn’t realized he was covered in blood and thirium until he saw Connor’s face is not one of them. With some surprise, he raises a hand to his face; he registered the small leak almost subconsciously, was waiting for it to repair itself, but he was not aware of the human blood.

“Not much,” he answers, wiping his hand on the edge of his coat. (He’s been wearing it since before the revolution ended; with all its holes and older stains, a little more doesn’t change its appeal. Though, now that he ought to fight for android rights more peacefully, perhaps he’d better get something more presentable than what used to be his war uniform.) “It was a protester.”

It’s strange to say that. Not long ago, androids were the protesters; now it’s humans who are disgruntled with the acquired freedom of those who used to be their slaves. “Apparently he bruised his knuckles on me – I didn’t notice. He ran away when he realized I’m not reacting.” He gives a small shrug.

[largehearts]

😨

@ruthlessnessisyourdesiresend me 😨 to see how your muse appears in my muse’s NIGHTMARES

—-

It could angerhim, but for all intents and purposes, Hank has to admit that this is really fucking fitting – it really isjust like him, to take one step forward and then three backwards. It took himmore than the proverbial blood and sweat to even start letting go of the things that have been haunting him foryears; to allow himself to feel more than bitter resentment. To actually admitto himself (even if he’d never say it out loud – not yet anyway) that he’sgrown to care about his android partner; that he not only accepted him as apolice officer just as competent as a human, but… as more than just acolleague.

And now –fucking this. As if living through itonce wasn’t enough, now he has to relive it again, in the comfort of his ownhome, so that he can wake up and feel like there is no place where he’s safe.Because there’s someone out there wearing Connor’s face who isn’t Connor, whoheld a gun to his head as soon as Hank started to suspect something, who reallywould have pulled the trigger if it was necessary for his mission.

(Why Connornever did that, even before he actually became deviant, Hank doesn’t know.Though, truth be told, he can’t be assed to think about it anyway. He’s just gladConnor is the way he is – holding his shot, catching him when a perp dangleshis ass over a rooftop, admitting being afraid to die even when he stillthought he was just a machine.)

Worse, thedream doesn’t have Hank dying – it’s him shooting the wrong Connor.

Hankpointedly doesn’t think of why this feels worse. He kicks off his covers andgets out of bed, briefly contemplates getting out the whisky, but then heglances at the clock and realizes it’ll soon be light outside, and even hedoesn’t much feel like going to work still drunk rather than hungover.

On thesomewhat brighter side, Sumo is hilariously appreciative of getting to go for awalk at stupid o’clock.

One stepforward, right?

[goodnightmemes]

JENNA MARBLES SENTENCE STARTERS

Quotes taken from Jenna Marbles videos posted between January 2019 - May 2019

❛ CAN I GET A HELL YEAH?! ❜

❛ It’s easier to talk if I have some background music. ❜

❛ I just want to walk into a room and be That Bitch. ❜

❛ No, no, no, no, no. You put that sentence back in your mouth! ❜

❛ Bitch, I look like Pauly D! ❜

❛ Would you like to play a game of pick up basketball, where I will most for sure dunk on you? ❜

❛ I have art fear. ❜

❛ I take back all of my confidence. ❜

❛ I was going to say that I don’t hate it, but you know what? I fucking hate it. ❜

❛ That is so nasty. ❜

❛ There are two ways that you can go through life: one, you can just sit back and enjoy the ride, or two, you can scream the entire time. ❜

❛ It’s okay, sometimes I feel like screaming my way through life too. ❜

❛ I feel like everyone just wants to watch me fail. ❜

❛ Alright, I guess I’m just gonna sit here and space out for a while. ❜

❛ I might just fuck around and get some sun damage. ❜

❛ Y'all bitches are trying to fucking troll me. ❜

❛ I love it, but this is stupid. ❜

❛ Don’t. Don’t. Whatever you’re doing – don’t. ❜

❛ You’re embarrassing me in front of the beautiful people. ❜

❛ I mean, I only fucked up like seven times. ❜

❛ Hey, maybe chill? ❜

❛ You really just went for it, didn’t ya, bud? ❜

❛ What a dysfunctional squad. ❜

❛ Mine. Mine also. Mine also. ❜

❛ Your protest has been heard. ❜

❛ Come get y'alls shit. ❜

❛ What’s happening to him? Is he buffering? ❜

❛ Dear God. It’s me. Ya girl/boy, [name]. ❜

❛ As horrid and terrible and awful as it is, it kind of fucking rules, and I kind of want it. ❜

❛ I have two pairs of jeans, and I resent them both for being uncomfortable. ❜

❛ This is like the weirdest murder scene ever. ❜

❛ I’m getting dumber from doing this. ❜

❛ Well, here’s our semi completed circle of hell. ❜

❛ It’s ugly, it’s stupid, it’s infuriating. It makes me so angry. That’s why it belongs in my house. ❜

❛ Welcome to a journey of mediocrity. ❜

❛ You can eat anything you want. It’s just a matter of whether you want to die from poison or not. ❜

❛ If you eat this, it’s just like Darwinism at its finest. ❜

❛ Are you okay physically, but also like, in general? ❜

❛ I know I already fucked up, but like, I also don’t care. ❜

❛ I got accused of running a rain forest cafe in my house. ❜

❛ I want a tree in my house! ❜

❛ I don’t know why any of these succulents are alive. ❜

❛ Sometimes I go on instagram and I just start to feel real bad about myself. ❜

❛ I look like I’m cosplaying as Jesus. ❜

❛ Is my face the problem? ❜

❛ That’s a hairstyle that just screams ‘I’m a basketball’. ❜

❛ Bounce me, mommy. ❜

❛ Are you telling me I’m never going to be a wig braider for Daenerys? ❜

❛ Honestly sometimes it’s like speaking to a goldfish. ❜

❛ I’m here. There’s food. Turn on the cute. ❜

❛ You’re lying, and I’m recording the whole lie. ❜

❛ Oohhhh! Rosanna Pansino! Please help my cakes come out okay! ❜

❛ Thank you, lord and savior Rosana Pansino. ❜

❛ I do what I do, and you do what you can do about it. ❜

❛ You know, sometimes you don’t have to do it to 'em. ❜

❛ How about we put our hips together, and you use your left hand and I’ll use my right, and we floss as one? ❜

❛ Sometimes I read wikipedia and I don’t really know what going on. ❜

❛ The Easter bilby gets a knife, and murders children! ❜

❛ Although you’re very cute, that was sooo much. ❜

❛ I go to place where food was before. Maybe food spawn again. ❜

❛ I’m like so mad but also like so impressed with you! ❜

❛ Oh here he comes! Seabiscuit himself! ❜

❛ We’re going on a long, long life journey together. ❜

❛ Maybe they’ll cry at each other and create a dimension and then both go into it. ❜

❛ Welcome to week two of no self care whatsoever. ❜

❛ I left for ONE week. ❜

❛ Oh, what’s that smell? It’s bullshit. ❜

❛ Sometimes trying to open your tiny mind is exhausting. ❜

❛ Me and my dog are here to find your bullshit. ❜

❛ How do I delete a clip while I’m filming it? ❜

❛ Now no one can eat that cause it’s covered in your feral. ❜

❛ Go unconscious again. Go to your happy place. ❜

❛ Mouth is hungry! ❜

❛ Papa, I’m so starving. I haven’t eaten in 84 years. Papa, please feed me chip. ❜

❛ For me? I can has? I can has chip? ❜

❛ Oh my god! Is that ramen? Thank you ramen god! ❜

❛ I would never bite the hand that feeds me. ❜

❛ Yum yum. Whatchu got for me? ❜

❛ Good morning motherfuckers! ❜

❛ Nooo! Now I have to live with my reality! ❜

❛ Now I have to actually face the fact that I sat down and spent time doing this. ❜

❛ We playing nothing but Usher. All Usher, all the time. ❜