anankastikos

'meta-stable': never quite able to take themselves seriously because always aware that the terms in which they describe themselves are subject to change, always aware of the contingency and fragility of their final vocabularies, and thus of their selves. this blog has become an artwork depicting my descent into a black hole within myself art-blog last.fm OC-tag aaron

[turnsoutiamextroverted]

The Functions as Means of Transportation

Si:

Ni:

Se:

Ne:

Fi:

Ti:

Fe:

Te:

[lasttime5]

cons of being bipolar: fluctuating extreme mood

pros of being bipolar: i know my horrible moods are gonna end pretty soon

[lasttime5]

i wish i had a thicc girlfriend to hug and get squished by

[lasttime5]

this is how i feel after fuckign everything up forever.

This daunting and deathlike alteration Is like drifting towards the open sea Struggling to keep my head above the water But the towering waves are overwhelming me

This profound horror is unspeakable And no one can grasp my concern Descending into the inconceivable With no hope of return

I see shapes of ghost like beings Watching me with eyes of frigid stone The reason for their voiceless presence And frightening demeanor is unknown

This profound horror is unspeakable And no one can grasp my concern Descending into the inconceivable With no hope of return

No one is able to relieve me No one can ever set me free Fading into nonhuman existence Detached in obscurity

[lasttime5]

O Lord, I am happy to have seen what no one has seen before but I am also overwhelmed  with  fear. 

[lasttime5]

i've forgotten how to sleep because i realized there is no death.

[1hhhhhhh1]

pan

[lasttime5]

so hey apparently i might not have been so wrong about autism. too bad no one listened 12 years ago lol.

[lasttime5]

til the way to get your captors to not throw peanuts at you anymore is to play dead.

[lasttime5]

no one to turn to

[lasttime5]

how do non-medicalized cultures deal with bipolar disorder?

[lasttime5]

I awoke in a dream an evil one, a setting sun I licked your hatred you set me free in summer, in the boiling blood Oh baby, I'll carry your disease that darkness that lives inside you deep Oh honey, I'll put up a fight with death he's never coming near my love again he's never coming near my love again he's never coming near my love again he's never coming near my love again

[lasttime5]

starting to really practice and formulate my own relationship anarchy. it is made possible be seeing myself and everyone else as radically unique, and feeling content in my own aloneness in this universe and on this planet, and by being a whole unit in myself. it makes every relationship different and important, and it makes being alone safe, and it means i dont NEED anybody, even if i love and appreciate the people in my life.

[lasttime5]

when i meet new people, i expect them to want to not have much to do with me anymore once they see my more vulnerable parts, like my art or home.

this weekend my friend and colleague found my art and i expected them to be more distant this morning.

instead, they were more touchy-feely than ever, and seem to have missed me and to like me even more now??? im so happily confused.

[lasttime5]

lots of feelings because i’ve been playing all day with my friend and it’s intense and full of weird playful power-struggle dynamics and i want more.

[lasttime5]

my friend-flirting is going great

they made me a playlist so i made one for them

modern mixtapes

[lasttime5]

basically got told “yeah you have adhd with hyperactive features and need a diagnosis so you can receive stimulants” by my psych nurse today.