A Place For Thoughts

A place to vent, to share my writing, to be vocal and anonymous. Everything is mine unless stated otherwise.

[latenightspilledink]

Dear younger me, You felt so much pain, you were so broken. You suffered in ways you shouldn’t have. You have scars you shouldn’t be reminded of. You were dealt an unfair hand, in so many ways. You made it further than you ever thought you would. You’re 25 now, and god I am so proud of you. You made it out. You took it all in. You're strong. Stronger than you should have had to be. I think of you sometimes. Of who you thought you’d be. Of who you never wanted to become. You’ve done even better than you can imagine. Some days… some days are still hard. Some days, the weight is back and the sadness overwhelms you. Some days it’s hard. Most days, though? Most days are beautiful and you’re happy.

You're happy. You deserve to be happy.

[latenightspilledink]

I got lost and confused. I wondered, searching. Here, I found you.

[latenightspilledink]

Feeling a sense for longing even though you’re right here.

[latenightspilledink]

“I didn’t know.” “You didn’t ask.”

[latenightspilledink]

Why do I reach for such fairytale love? I look to examples: my parents and siblings. My parents were never married, it was a fling that ended with me. Never a friendship or a love, just lust turned to a hatred and forced proximity. My siblings have all divorced, never civil. I read books where the man fights for his love and does everything to prove he wants only her. I watch movies where it’s a constant outpouring of love and everyone wanting to have their love. I want pure love. The respect. The conversation. The adventures. The physical and the mental. I reach for a fairytale love, but maybe that’s not realistic. Maybe that doesn’t exist. Do I move past it? Do I accept it’s nonexistent and accept what’s here? Do I continue to believe and leave in its search? What if it’s not real?

[latenightspilledink]

Broken; maybe I can’t be put back together.

[latenightspilledink]

I’m not unhappy, why don’t I feel happy?

[latenightspilledink]

Feeling empty but overwhelmed. Full of confusion and despair. Concerned with the small, how it effects the big. Swimming in a fog.

[minuty]

“Appear weak when you are strong, and strong when you are weak.”

— Sun Tzu (via minuty)

[latenightspilledink]

You are in charge of you.

[latenightspilledink]

The thought of a forever with you is enough to keep me going.

[latenightspilledink]

I got so used to your weight in the bed and the sound of your breathing.

Now you’re not here and the insomnia is deafening.

[latenightspilledink]

We’re so fearful of commitment that we run and put up walls, unaware that one day our legs will give out and those bricks will crumble and we’ll be left with nothing.

[latenightspilledink]

I never truly wanted death, just the freedom I thought it’d bring.

[latenightspilledink]

we always said we’d find our way back to each other

[danger]

[latenightspilledink]

Your chest is pounding and your shoulders are aching. There’s a ringing in your ears and a lump in your throat. You want to speak, to share your fears, but your voice is muffled and no ones around.