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May 19

My friend and I decided to collaborate on a Hiccstrid fanfic together after I got her into Httyd. We finished it a while ago but I’ve been a bit scared to post it. But I decided that I should! We are both happy with how it came out, and I hope you all enjoy.

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Rating: T+

Mentions/ flashbacks of death

Word count: 3984

Set right after the events of Httyd 2, Hiccup struggles with grief. Astrid of course is always there to support him.

Mountains of ice now make up most of Berk’s terrain. Wooden panels are suspended in giant peaks and frozen slabs protrude from demolished houses. The whole village is devastated; nearly every establishment was swallowed in lethal spikes of ice merely a week ago.

“Snotlout, Ruff, Tuff, you guys are in charge of collecting lumber.” Hiccup points to Fishlegs, who is already fishing through the pockets hanging limply on his belt. “Fishlegs, you’re in charge of organizing all the materials. I also need you to start making a list of all the houses around Berk in need of repair.

“Astrid and I will try to scrape up whatever tools we can find lying around. We need to get this place in decent shape–and quickly. The people are going to get irritable sooner than later with how packed the Great Hall is.”

Snotlout folds his arms and stares begrudgingly at the twins, clearly not thrilled about his new partners. He turns his nose up at them and sneers, “Why am I always stuck working with you two?”

Ruffnut flips her braids and props her hands on her hips, “Because we’re awesome, duh.” Tuffnut scoffs before opening his mouth to argue.

“Hey!” Astrid shouts. The three of them stop their bickering as an axe lands right in front of their feet.

“Your chief gave you orders.” Astrid interrupts. She starts forward, sending the twins and Snotlout scurrying off like chastised children. Astrid hums in satisfaction.

Hiccup turns, assessing the damage of their surroundings for what had to have been the tenth time that afternoon. There are hardly any buildings even capable of being entered, let alone housing the still-frightened people of Berk. Rebuilding would take weeks–if that–and temporary housing isn’t ideal. They settled on cramming everyone into the Great Hall in hopes that they could quickly repair the houses into something more liveable.

Hiccup sighs. From the looks of it, housing arrangements in the hall would have to continue for the time being.

Astrid bumps his arm gently and takes his hand. For a moment they take in the wreckage of the village, the tall spires of ice towering over what was left of Berk. Around them, people continue to shout orders and chip away at the ice, though it seemed as though no progress had been made. It had only been a week and both of them are already sick of the constant tck tck tck and scrape of a chisel against ice. “We’ll get through this,” she promises. Hiccup only squeezes her hand.

“Looks like we’re in for another night in the arena, bud.” Hiccup drops a pile of furs onto the stone floor. Toothless grumbles before circling his spot on the floor and plopping himself down next to Hiccup’s mess of a bedroll. His ears perk up at the sound of familiar footsteps approaching.

Astrid sits down next to Hiccup and places a hand on his shoulder. “Want some company?” she asks quietly, tilting her head to get a better view of his face from her spot beside him.

“Of course, milady.” He smiles, the action small but genuine.

Astrid reaches up and strokes his cheek with her other hand. “How are you holding up?” Her voice is gentle and reassuring. Concern molds her features, leaving a crease in her brow and a look of deep sympathy in her eyes. Hiccup wanted to reassure her, to stop her from feeling the effects of his pain, but part of him also wanted to hide from all of this in the arms of someone who understood. Maybe it would be alright, just this once, to be weak, to rely on her strength.

“I’m—”

“Oh, you’re camping out in the arena too? What a coincidence… I had the same idea,” Fishlegs calls from the entrance of the arena, far enough away that he has to yell to catch their attention.

“Yeah… all that congestion in the Great Hall isn’t really my thing, you know?” Hiccup’s smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

Fishlegs nods, setting up his own bedroll a few paces away.

Only seconds after Fishlegs’ arrival, another voice is bellowing at the entrance.

“So you guys are having a sleepover and you didn’t invite me?” Snotlout scoffs.

Astrid grins and shakes her head. Why did they expect this to go any differently?

Soon the twins come charging in, each holding the largest barrel of mead they could find, completing their little group of dragon riders. “A sleepover in the arena?” Tuffnut shouts.

“Who wants drinks?” Ruffnut adds, her tone more of an exclamation than a question.

Snotlout stands up and pumps his fists in the air. “I am so ready!”

Snotlout, followed by Fishlegs, moves to join the twins to grab a mug of mead and start a night of chaos.

“I’m gonna grab a drink.” Astrid stands up and turns to Hiccup. “Want me to grab one for you?” she asks, looking down to where he sits, leaning against his propped up knee and fidgeting with a strap on his bracer. The stitching was coming undone, he would have to fix that after most of the damage was taken care of. Berk’s houses were his priority, though, so his own personal repairs would have to wait. They couldn’t stay in the Great Hall forever, soon everyone would start clamoring for better—

“Hiccup?”

“Hmm?”

Astrid was watching him closely and he could see that same worry creeping onto her features once again. “I asked if you wanted a drink,” she repeats. Slowly, she lowers herself onto her knees. Hiccup’s fingers still, no longer tugging at loose threads. He looks down to where Astrid ceases the anxious habit with her hand atop his. “Are you sure you’re okay?” she adds.

Hiccup nods. “Yeah, I’m fine,” he says. “I’ll pass on the drinks, but you enjoy yourself.”

“Okay, but let me know if you need anything.” she finishes with a smile.

The rest of the night was sort of a blur; the arena was quickly filled with laughter and lively storytelling, a warm and inviting atmosphere but slightly too rowdy for more than a few minutes of participation. Not long into their celebration did Hiccup and Toothless take off towards the south side of the island for one final patrol. The late-night breeze was a huge contrast to the intensity of the arena. It was simple and quiet, and Hiccup started to wonder if he really was doing much of a patrol at all or if he just needed to get out. He couldn’t bring himself to care at the moment which of the two was a greater motivator. Here he could breathe, he could think. Being alone in his thoughts didn’t exactly bring him the satisfaction he craved, though, despite the underlying need for it.

By the time he returned, nearly everyone was passed out. Everyone except Astrid. Instead, she sits against Stormfly and sharpens her axe with a stone.

Out of the corner of her eye, Astrid takes note of Hiccup and Toothless’ return. She attempts to set her axe down softly, though it lands with a thud nonetheless.

“Hey, find anything interesting on patrol?”

Hiccup sets himself down on the bedroll next to her. Toothless follows, looking for his own spot to snuggle into. “Nah.” He shrugs. “It was pretty peaceful, actually. The view was nice… if you ignore all the giant spikes of ice.”

Astrid chuckles and Hiccup half-laughs along with her. Hiccup stretches out and leans his head back against Toothless, who had curled up behind him. He gazes absentmindedly at the night sky through the arena’s chained ceiling, tarnished from age.

“You’re doing a good job, you know.” Astrid laces her fingers with his. “I mean, look at all the progress we’ve made in the last week.”

He huffs. “Thank you, but I feel like I should be doing more,” Hiccup pauses and gestures to their surroundings, as if to add to his point, “I don’t know.”

There were a lot of things Hiccup was unsure of. Was it really a good decision to crowd everyone into the Great Hall while they rebuild? But what other choice did he have, really? The weather on Berk was just too harsh for people to make camp outside, and the Great Hall is the largest structure in the village. Hiccup wonders if things would be going smoother and more efficiently if it was his dad in charge instead of him. He wouldn’t kid himself. Stoick The Vast would have solved everything in the same amount of time it took Hiccup to put any plans in place.

“Well, you can come back to it in the morning with a clear head. I think it’s high time we got some shuteye.” Astrid pushes herself back into a standing position.

“Yeah, yeah. You’re right.” Hiccup pulls Astrid back down to plant a gentle kiss on her cheek, before getting comfortable in his own bedroll. She smiles and flicks him lovingly before settling down herself. Reluctantly, Hiccup closes his eyes.

Drago’s Bewilderbeast stared at Toothless with unsettling intensity, unlike anything he’d ever seen before. Toothless struggled against the magnitude of its gaze, seemingly trying to fight for control. He whipped his head back and forth, struggling to keep eye contact with the King of Dragons. He stumbled forward, thrashing and roaring in distress.

This isn’t like him. Toothless is rarely so agitated. Something is wrong.

Toothless’ pupils narrowed into slits, and he looked straight up into the eyes of the Bewilderbeast.

Drago spoke up, his tone carried a dangerous edge. “Witness true strength; strength of will over others. In the face of it, you are nothing.” He pointed his staff at Toothless and slowly moved it in Hiccup’s direction.

The bewilderbeast’s gaze landed on Hiccup. Toothless turned towards him threateningly; wings tense, and a low growl sounding from his core.

“Uh… what did he just tell you?” Hiccup swallowed and backed away.

Hiccup had never seen Toothless act so… hostile. He was gaining on him. His gaze never faltered; a stare so bitter and unrelenting it felt as though Hiccup was a helpless sheep and Toothless the starving wolf. Toothless was slinking towards him, stalking him like a predator watching its prey expectantly. He felt exposed, defenseless, unsafe. The thought alone stabbed him through the chest with a blade of guilt. He had never felt so unsafe in the presence of his dragon like he did in this very moment.

Dread pooled in his stomach, thick and revolting.

No. He had to bring Toothless out of this trance. He had to at least try. Toothless had saved him countless times, he couldn’t leave him now, not when he needed Hiccup the most.

“Toothless, c’mon. What’s the matter with you?” Hiccup pressed. “No, no, no, no c’mon, what're you doing? Knock it off!”

No amount of pleading seemed to reach him. No matter how desperately he begged or how loud he screamed, Toothless was unflinching.

“Stop! Snap out of it!” He yelled in a final attempt to reason with him. He could feel the prickle of tears forming behind his eyes, threatening to spill forth. It hurt.

Hiccup’s back hit the cold wall of a maze of ice. He couldn’t move back any farther and Toothless was still advancing, his steps slow and controlled.

Toothless, please.

A low rumble formed deep within his dragon; gradually growing into a shallow hiss as his jaw lowered, ready to unleash a fatal blast.

“Stop!” Hiccup practically screamed.

Toothless opened his jaw further.

“Son!”

Hiccup’s head snapped to the left, towards the sound, towards his dad. Stoick was sprinting like his life depended on it. He vaulted over ice boulders and charged through wooden wreckage, barreling closer, closer, closer. His gaze never lost Hiccup’s.

The blast was fired.

“Dad, no—!”

Hiccup woke with a start, his throat raw as if he had been screaming. He had been screaming. He felt it—just moments ago he’d lived it. His chest heaved. His throat burned. Sweat dripped down his forehead, and he felt dizzy or nauseous—he couldn’t tell the difference, only that he could hardly breathe. Everything was still spinning. He squeezed his eyes shut, only to find his father’s motionless body lying limply under large shards of ice. The image was burned on the back of his eyelids. He forced his eyes open again but he couldn’t unsee it. He was supposed to be the Dragon Master yet he was powerless, shakily watching his dad rush in to save him.

No, no, no, no, no. It was the only thing he could bring himself to say. Hiccup wasn’t even sure if he was saying it out loud at all, but the thought of not even trying to felt infinitely worse. He was losing him all over again. It was all he could see. Over and over and over and—

“Hiccup?”

He gasps. Instantly the surroundings came into view. Hiccup lowered his outstretched hand and released the fistful of furs he didn’t realize he was holding on to. He’s in the arena. His friends are watching him, pity written all over their faces. Hiccup hates it.

He shoots to his feet. “Wh-what?” Hiccup stammers.

Fishlegs hesitates before quietly asking, “You okay?”

Toothless was nudging him worriedly with his nose. On instinct, Hiccup flinches away, jolting to the side and forcing space between him and his dragon.

Astrid’s breath caught in her throat. He flinched.

Hiccup inhales sharply and stretches his hands behind his head, his gaze darting around each concerned face, before dropping them on an exhale to hang uselessly by his sides.

“I… I…” He swallows and shuts his eyes again, making an attempt to compose himself.

“I’ve seen people have some terrible nightmares, but that was a whole other level of terrible.” Tuffnut says, a frown forming on his face.

The others nod in agreement.

Hiccup’s brows furrow. “I’m fine, you guys. I-it was nothing, I just…” He trails off, and runs a hand through his hair; a nervous habit he’s had for years.

Fishlegs steps toward Hiccup and the others quickly follow behind. They are moving closer, surrounding him. He tries to stand taller, tries to fight the urge to back away.

Hiccup clenches his fists tighter, gaze cast downwards. He takes one step back, and then another. Everyone is closing in on him; they are getting too close too fast. He needs to get out. Absent-mindedly he pushes past them, storming toward the exit of the arena. “Just let it go, okay?” His voice cracks slightly, so small of a change in demeanour you could almost miss it.

Astrid is the only one who makes a move to follow. She reaches out to grab his arm.

“Hiccup—”

“I’m fine!” He whirls around to face her. “Just… just leave me alone.” Hiccup yanks his arm from her grasp and tries to ignore the look of shock that flashed in her eyes.

Astrid’s hand retracts from where she previously held his arm. She bites her lip and patiently watches Hiccup walk off.

Astrid turns back around to face the group and their fidgeting stances. She sighs, “Go back to sleep, I’ll handle this.”

Ruffnut narrows her eyes. “But didn’t Hiccup just say—”

Astrid quickly shuts her up with a glare. Hiccup was always being strong for her and for Berk; Astrid refused to watch him fall apart and do nothing about it. Isolation wasn’t what Hiccup truly wanted, he just wanted to feel in control again. She needed to show him that pushing her away isn’t the only way to feel less helpless. Leaving him alone is the worst thing she could do for him at that moment.

Astrid doesn’t have to wander the cliffs behind the arena for long before finding Hiccup pacing back and forth under the moon’s dim borrowed light.

The cliffside he chose is rather secluded, guarded by a large rock spire that connects to the side of the mountain through an arch-shaped wedge. It inhabits the only patch of grass present around the arena, though it’s half dead and patchy at best.

Astrid approaches slowly and slides her hands gently over his; her fingers curling into his agitated palms, bringing him back to the present. For a moment, he only stares at the ground and tries to steady his breathing. He listens for the slow pace of her inhales and follows it.

Hiccup takes another shaky breath. He can’t bring himself to look at her.

Astrid says nothing, only guides them to sit down under a nearby tree.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Her voice is soft and soothing; Hiccup can’t help but relax slightly at the sound.

“I’m sorry, Astrid,” He whispers, pulling his knees to his chest.

“Why are you apologizing? You have nothing to be sorry for.” Astrid slides one hand up his back in a gentle caress before resting it on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry for waking you up,” Hiccup blurted. “I don’t—I don’t know what happened. I didn’t mean to wake everyone up. I didn’t want to wake anyone up–gods, they all probably think I’m out of my mind.” Hiccup exhales sharply, his brows knitting together.

“I had this dream, Astrid. It was like I was reliving the exact moments my father was killed. I-It felt so real, the way Drago commanded Toothless to… to…” A lump forms in Hiccup’s throat. He tilts his head toward the sky, trying to swallow it along with the panic creeping its way forward. It’s all too much. He can feel it in the pit of his stomach, the hole in his chest, the welling behind his eyes, the emptiness swallowing his entire being. He draws his knees closer to his chest hoping the pressure would numb some of the pain.

“Every time I close my eyes, it’s all I see. Over and over I have to relive it. I can’t escape it, I-I can’t catch a break! I haven’t slept properly since it happened and I feel like I’m losing my mind.

“I should’ve listened to him from the start. My dad was right and I just ignored him for my own selfish reasons, thinking I could show Drago that dragons aren’t monsters—”

“Hiccup—”

“No, Astrid, you know I’m right! If I hadn’t been so adamant on changing Drago’s mind about dragons, none of this would’ve happened. My dad would still be here, and Berk wouldn’t be covered in ice.” He bites his lip in an attempt to collect himself. A single, traitorous tear slips down his cheek, but he’s quick to brush it away. He swallows. “I miss him, Astrid.”

Astrid rubs her thumb against his shoulder, each stroke soft and deliberate.

“I know you do. We all do.” She scoots closer so their knees touch. “None of it was your fault, Hiccup. Drago was a madman; someone who, despite your best efforts, couldn’t be changed.” Astrid says, her voice quiet, yet rich in determination. It was a remedy; a tether Hiccup clung to when nothing else seemed right. “But you proved him wrong. Just think about how many dragons you saved!”

Hiccup stays quiet, his gaze falling and lingering on the ground, looking at nothing in particular. Astrid takes his silence as permission to continue.

“You did such a wonderful thing, Hiccup. You’ve accomplished things no viking has ever dreamed of.”

“Yeah, I feel incredibly accomplished right now.” Hiccup’s words are filled with contempt. His expression twists into a scowl.

Astrid sighs at his sarcasm.

“I may have saved a lot of dragons, but everything ended in casualty. There isn’t one liveable house on Berk because I let Drago get there, and I left everyone defenseless. Everyone was counting on me to stop him before things got that bad and I failed them.” Hiccup’s lip starts to quiver.

“You didn’t fail, Hiccup. You did the best that you could given the circumstances and for Odin’s sake, you just lost your dad.

“And, yeah, the people are cranky about this whole ice situation. But they have faith in you. The chief position is still new to you… and mistakes are bound to happen, but your dad would be so proud of you, and of how you’re handling this. I’m proud of you.”

Hiccup finally looks at Astrid, his eyes red-rimmed and glossy, a slight bob in his throat. He opens his mouth but no words come out. Forming sentences seems like a skill now so far from his grasp; an unobtainable ability threatening to break this composure he’s been fighting to keep. The words caught in his throat like a lingering foul taste he can’t swallow.

Astrid’s lips pull into a frown. She doesn’t miss the shift in his breathing, his tight-set jaw, the amount of effort it’s taking him to simply remain collected; like any sudden movement could shatter the facade.

Slowly, she drops her hand from Hiccup’s shoulder to slide it softly around his back. She reaches across him with her opposite hand and pulls him close, his forehead coming to rest gently on her shoulder. Hiccup closes his eyes, and his shoulders begin to shake with silent sobs.

He drops his knees, no longer caring for composure. Nothing has felt right this past week, he doubted anything would for a while. Hiccup wished he could turn back time; prevent everything from happening the way it did. Anything to make this feeling go away.

Astrid holds him tight and runs her fingers soothingly through his hair, twirling her fingers around the two short plaits she braided.

Astrid doesn’t know how long they sat there. She holds Hiccup until he calms and they sit in silence, listening to the soft chirp of crickets and the occasional wing flap of a dragon passing overhead.

Eventually, Hiccup pulls away from her, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. He inhales deeply; feeling a little lighter now that he actually talked about what was bothering him.

Hiccup takes a shuddering breath, his voice barely above a whisper, “Astrid I… I can’t go back to the arena. I’m not ready to face everyone after what just happened.”

“No one is judging you, Hiccup. We understand that you’re having a hard time right now,” Astrid says.

“I know, I know. I just—”

“Hey, we don’t have to go back, but you know that you have me. You have all of us. You never have to go through anything like this alone, okay? You have my support.” She takes his hand and squeezes it softly. “Always.”

Hiccup’s face relaxes and the corners of his lips lift slightly at her words. He slowly shifts his weight in her direction, leaning further onto her as Astrid eases them both down onto the grass.

She releases his hand and reaches out to tug him closer.

Gently, Astrid presses her lips to his; a display of affection, deep and meaningful. He leans into her touch.

Warmth spreads through Hiccup, pleasant and familiar, saving him from the chill of late night breeze. He exhales, the tight knot is his chest loosening with each breath.

For a moment, nothing else exists aside from the two of them. It feels good not to worry, or think about what he lost.

When they pull away, Astrid plants another kiss to Hiccup’s forehead with the same gentleness of the last.

They let their heads rest on the grass, gazing up at the variety of constellations in the sky. Hiccup shuffles closer, resting his head on her shoulder. He lets himself relax for the first time that week, finally able to close his eyes without being tormented by what he can’t change.

She nestles her face into his hair and closes her eyes too, allowing sleep to engulf her.

“It’ll get easier, Hiccup. I promise,” Astrid whispers.

Hiccup had already dozed, but Astrid has a feeling he knows that.

#this had probably been done before but idc #I came up with the idea early march. was in a very angsty mood at the time because someone close passed away a few months prior #but who doesn’t like some Hiccup angst?#my writing #httyd #hiccstrid #httyd fanfiction #how to train your dragon #hiccup x astrid #hiccup haddock #hiccup horrendous haddock iii #astrid hofferson

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