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@laurensotolongo-blog
I have a website
You should visit it for writing updates, and a portfolio of my work.
Site: laurensotolongo.com
Blog: laurensotolongo.com/talk
I hate goodbyes. Did I mention that?
Have you ever:
Grown out of a shirt that you absolutely loved? I have a few pieces of clothing that—to this day—are sitting safely in my drawers, with the rest of my childhood.
Why do I keep them?
Because each represents a time, a particular set of memories, or a particular group of people/events/places that have rooted themselves deep into my life’s journey.
Example #1: Fuschia Pink, Pooh Bear T-Shirt
Feelings associated with
My mother
Her and I adored (adore?) Pooh Bear—and the whole crew. I always identified closely to Tigger, just as a sidenote. Mom and I have a picture where we are both wearing Pooh-related paraphernalia.
My childhood
I was young and obsessed with Pooh. (No funniness intended there, though if you get a laugh from it, who am I to stifle your comedic perspective?)
Example #2: Jersey Grey, N’Sync T-Shirt (Band Photo on the Front)
Feelings associated with
Middle school
You were either N’Sync or Backstreet Boys—and let’s be real; if you were Backstreet Boys, you belonged with the forty-year-old moms. (No offense, Mom—they have some inklings of talent and choreography skills.)
My sister
She bought me the shirt while she was on a trip with a friend to Florida. (This was one article of clothing that was associated with her, but it wasn’t something I had to steal from her closet or drawers—and later be scolded for.)
My first concert
Yes, N’Sync. My 9th birthday was, maybe, the best ever. High-five forever, Mom. Still love you for that.
We grow up and out of things.
The sleeves reach our elbows. The tank top arm-hole begins to dig into our armpit. The neck stitching feels tighter and tighter. Until one day, finally, something rips. (If you’re ever in my parents house, see N’Sync shirt.)
We wish we could stay in one state, one stage, one particular area of life forever; but sometimes, life itself takes over. Dream opportunities present themselves; your brother has a baby; your parent gets sick; your best friend calls with news; you fall in love; you take a chance.
Life doesn’t always come when you’re ready—but it does come. Always.
Though we can’t guarantee things like days of birth or days of death, we can formulate certain reactions to the growing pains that life allows us—and teaches us—to endure.
(Let me also make a comment here: in most of my writing, “Life” or “Nature” or “Trees” or “Person X” or “Anything-I-Ever-Mention-That-Is-Beautiful”, can be used interchangeably with “God”. And not God in quotes, as I just put Him, or God with a lower case “g”. God.)
We can’t guarantee x, y, and z, but we can create a frame of mind that allows to grow in spite of, or because of, these situations.
My Pooh Bear shirt wasn’t going to fit me forever—I was growing. And though now my growth takes place beneath bones and skin, and even though you can’t always see it, I can assure you that I have put away a few “shirts” in the last year or two of my life. And they don’t have Pooh Bear on them.
They have words like Shame, Fear, Self-Hate, Distrust, and Unworthy on them (to speak generally). These particular ones are also, by the way, shirts I never want to put on again.
Others, however, say happy things: Nephews, Tia, Cousin, Daughter, Daughter of God, Chosen, Worthy, Searching, Loved, Seen, Accepted. These are shirts I never want to—and will never—grow out of. They will always fit, and they will always lay near the drawers from which my soul armors, dresses, and protects herself.
A few new shirts say: Warrior, Bold, Adventurer, Proud, Willing, and Confident. Some of these words I have never learned to wear until just now.
So as I say goodbyes to those I love on one coast—a few shirts that sometimes feel too tight, and others that I will never grow out of—I realize that I walk toward a kind of growth (with shirts and skin and confidence) that will follow me no matter where I go.
The kind of growth that feels much more like those favorite sweatpants and track shirt—and much less like the homecoming dress two sizes too small.
We grow and we test and we try and we learn what fits right; not based on our notion of fashion or size, but based the state and purpose of our soul at that moment. We, like trees—or maybe just like human beings—set down roots that grow, and then extend, and then grow, and then extend, and then grow some more.
We—or maybe just “I”—never forget the salty shores or loving families, whenever we leave them for a time, or a season. We carry them with us—whether in FaceTime or memories—and remind ourselves of those places we can always find a spare wardrobe to use.
But as we travel, and meet new people, and learn the intricacies of ourselves and the world around us, we learn to create a suitcase of our own.
Let me tell you what I carry in mine as I go.
Warrior of Truth, Daughter of God, Worthy, Unselfishly and Unconditionally Loved, Daughter, Tia, Family, Confident, Confidant, Cousin, Sister, Granddaughter, Friend, Loved, Seen, At Peace.
Some are nouns, some are adjectives, some are verbs. All I take with me.
Until next time,
Lauren
On Spatulas and Sponges: Cleaning my stove on Sunday morning
And all of a sudden (it seemed), the stove was clean.
My right forearm was sore.
The spatula I had used to excavate through the cave of past dinners (and overcooked food) was clogged like a fifty-year-old meat-eating man's arteries; it was like a shovel, filled with clumps of old spices, burnt vegetable broth and popcorn kernels--like charred altar sacrifices.
The sponge I had used (in "phase two", which occurred after the spatula excavation), was blackened and smooth with grease. If I passed my hands over it, my fingerprint-skin would gray with dirt.
But all of sudden, the stove was clean.
My head was down, my arms flexing slightly--trying at all different angles--to get underneath the glued remnants of our kitchen mishaps over the past few weeks. I worked as if I was cleaning something more than a stove.
But the work didn't get finished "all of a sudden".
In fact, it even had phases.
Phase One: Spatula Excavation
Phase Two: Sponge Elbow-Grease
Phase Three: Bounty Soaking and Wiping
Phase Four: Extra Sponge Elbow-Grease
Phase Five: Resetting Stove Cover-Grid
Sometimes the work in front of us looks too taxing; an "uphill battle"; impossibly deep and intricate. Maybe it looks like a kitchen stove that hasn't been cleaned in weeks--splotches in places you wish people couldn't see, and buildups in spots where fire used to burn through.
Maybe the work in front of us only requires, at least in this moment, a first step. Break it into phases. The mess may look like something too big to tackle, but in increments, there may at one point come a time where we can step back and realize that, "all of a sudden", something looks a bit cleaner; a bit more understandable; a bit more able to be used in a way that is positive and life-giving; maybe it even looks like a full-fledged solution to a problem you thought impossible. But we're getting ahead of ourselves; and let me shy away from idealism, just for this moment.
Because the stove in front of you doesn't look friendly. It doesn't invite you in; in fact, it may even grimace and snarl. But we walk through doors that look darker than past caves we've ventured into--and through--with the hope and trust that growth, character, and faith-building truth will win.
And as we tackle each nook and cranny--filled with two-week-old macaroni shavings and cheese gratings--we put weight on our arms, and try out different angles, and take it in phases. First, let me excavate; let me lean in; let me wipe clean; let me lean in more; and finally, let me re-set the foundational grid that had always laid atop my filthy mess, whether I wanted to clean what was beneath or not; it was always waiting, after all, for me to use it; it was always functioning and supporting me; the real question was, and is, "Am I ready to start using it at its full capacity, or not?"
Maybe this morning, after church service, I was cleaning more than a stove.
A White Stick: Crumbling in Privilege on the Metro
Photo via Philip Greenspun
I saw the woman in her black coat and heeled-boots as she stepped in front of me to board the train. Her hair was a pale chestnut, like sand. Her eyes were light, searching and resting, all at once.
The long white stick in her sleek, leather-gloved hands tapped the tiled, train-station floor, and echoed inside, clashing against my ribs. I followed her into the train car as she allowed all senses but sight to guide her.
And I, seeing, felt paralyzed.
Sometime's the empathy inside rips at every steel-sewn seam of ignorant sanity, as if cotton candy; I feel a kind of drowning sensation when confronted with pain; and yet, I am always unsure of what "proper reactions" mean in reality (besides autonomy and apathy).
Of course, I know that my want to hug her was inappropriate. But it wasn't out of pity; more like awe and searing-humility. And probably a form of ableism's privilege.
Maybe it's the recognition--and wonder--of the woman's courage. Because for some people, living can be scary at its bare foundations. This may be true for those with physical or emotional hurdles that the rest of us don't understand; the elderly, the depressed, the disabled, those overcome by tragedy, or health issues.
Besides the burden of depression, I do not speak as one who knows these other "hurdles" intimately, but I speak as one who--at the deepest parts of me-- longs to connect humanity back to itself; and the burden of fear is something we all may understand in varying degrees.
As I process through these observations, offer a little grace. This not a want to assume or put a burden on those who are "disabled"; it is merely an attempt of bridging my experience--and our mutual human experience--with theirs.
There is no "other". (Though this statement may stand as an idealistic cliche--not totally founded on human constructs and realities--I hold to it.)
And as I sat in the metro car, watching her tap that royal scepter in all of her regality--chestnut hair, light eyes, and leather gloves--I put my head down, into my hands.
I was hot, all over my body, and overwhelmed. I cried for a second, quietly. Un-figuratively. I have all my senses, all my body parts, all my health (as far as I am aware). And yet my soul feels dismembered.
Apathy, in the sense of indifference of feeling has always been a coping mechanism that God spared when he put me together.
So instead I put my head down, crumbling in privilege and unaware of the proper way to use it; to better environments; to humble myself; to be more than ignorant.
I am crumbling in privilege, so I put my head down. But just for a moment.
I pray for courage like hers, and walk to work.
Our human compassion binds us the one to the other - not in pity or patronizingly, but as human beings who have learnt how to turn our common suffering into hope for the future. Nelson Mandela
Forfeiting the Luxury of Pride or, The Painful Hug of Gravity
I only saw his faded-white Nike high tops (with a black swoosh) from where my head laid on the icy ground. Next I saw his hand, reaching out.
"You good?" He said.
My right hip and right kneecap felt a sharp zing. My hands were gray with dirty snow and graveled-ice pavement. I grabbed his hand and next, noticed his eyes. They regarded me from the corners, as if checking to make sure there wouldn't be an ambush of Oompa Loompas, waiting to attack.
I laughed a yes, defeated and yet relieved, still slipping on the black-iced sidewalk as I steadied myself. The young man continued walking as I said a hastened "Thank you" out of the corner of my mouth.
His gray pea coat and cotton beanie left my peripherals, and he was gone.
I had slipped on the sidewalk-ice that laid in front of the Congress Heights metro station. It sat like a slab of transparent, crackled cardboard.
My body, as it slipped, moved like a slow-motion camera you see on those funny TV shows. My left leg hung in the air like a puppeteer was pulling it straight up; I was an ice skater ready to twirl, or a child playing messy hopscotch. And I was too tired to do anything but let gravity hug me.
Sometimes gravity is God.
Pride has become a luxury that I no longer have. The more I examine my life and the places—and ways—I feel called to serve, the more I realize that this "slipping" and falling (along with the pain that comes shortly thereafter, i.e. A bruised hip, knee, or ego) is a part of my walk.
I no longer have the luxury of worrying about how I look. I am the kid with wobbly legs, skipping clumsily along an ice lake.
And this, I'm learning, is a part of my call. The zing of falling, the dirtied hands, the dirtied business pants and blouses, the scrapes that show people where—and in what shapes—I bleed, is a part of this new path.
It does not mean, however, that I stay lying on the ground, pitying myself in the crackled-ice and bruises.
No.
I reach for the hand that is extended. I get up, albeit messily. I get up and, still slipping, try to find my footing.
Pride is a luxury I no longer have. And though there is a fear and a pain and an uncertainty in slipping on things you don't always see coming, there is also a kind of freedom found in lying on the ground and laughing; freedom in reaching for the hand that decides to acknowledge your falling.
That is, in all actuality, probably the most freeing thing.
So for now, here's to the fall--and the slippery "rising".
On What Honesty (Honestly) Looks Like at Jesus' Feet
*Excerpt from a recent update sent to friends and family on the West Coast.*
Crunch, crunch, crunch. My dark maroon Red Wing boots stepped against freshly fallen snow. A note about the snow: it literally--and I do mean literally--sparkled. Like every Tiffany diamond you've ever seen magnified by twenty, all put together in a pile, and made into fluffy, bunny-like openness. Crunch, crunch, crunch. The fresh snow, like a blank canvas, was being attacked by my heavy boots; the meeting of snow and shoe sounded like five-day-old, toasted bread being smashed. Crunch, crunch, crunch. And there it was. The Lord has been calling me to let go of the illusions I have about myself--every white palace I've ever built to make myself look better than I actually am; every Tower of Babel I've convinced myself is beautiful. Because in The Lord's eyes, these false, human-made statues of greatness are actually the emptiest and most shallow of feats; white-washed tombs. In The Lord's eyes, we may never be ready for real beauty until we fall, and fall messily; maybe in ways that don't always make sense. So as me and my housemates crunched through the snow, I heard the Lord crunching through the whitest, cleanest, most neatly put-together parts of me.
I let Him step on me. Because yes, snow is beautiful. And it makes the world seem a little simpler; a little more manageable; something we can sit peacefully in.
But snow isn't always reality. Beneath the white crystals--which yes, bring beauty to perhaps less-beautiful things--is still dirt and suffering and difficulty. And if we are not willing to acknowledge the muck and dirt and pain underneath, we may not ever truly be able to appreciate the freshly-fallen, white, diamond beauty above it. The Lord makes us beautiful when we acknowledge the dirt and the pavement; the graffiti-ed streets underneath; those deepest fears, shames, depravities, and unsure-happenings that hold us in chains. The Lord calls us to brutal honesty with ourselves and with those around us; not for the sake of spreading an already-overwhelming disease, but for the sake of glorifying the Lord that never leaves, never abandons, and always leads.
Psalm 139:7-12
7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? 8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. 9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, 10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. 11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” 12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
This is why I have confidence going to the deepest, darkest, most unseen, scared, and ashamed parts of me. Because I know, without a doubt in my mind, that the Lord goes with me. Always. I am His child. And so are you. There is no place He doesn't go; even if there are places your friends aren't ready to go; your family; your coworkers; your congregation. The Lord is always faithful to lead, even before it seems like there is a path to walk down. So as The Lord calls us all to acknowledge the mess underneath, let's lay in the beauty of a freshly fallen snow, like cotton diamonds, and make snow angels without fear of judgment, or messiness, or being "irresponsible" in what is a beautiful, holy, and divine childlike-wonder. The Lord is with us, always. And even when others may stop extending hands and love--or if they forget what it looks like to do so--He never does. He is always ready to reach that extra inch, foot, or mile. He is that wildly committed (and in love) with you, His child. May we rest in the beauty of this.
The Lord has taught me so much through those I have left behind in warmer states, and those I have met on these colder, snowy days; this is a thank you to both. I would not be able to face all these "realities" so fearlessly without the foundation of love that each have fashioned underneath my shifting feet.
I stare at the snow (and dirt) and I see beauty.
Where “Take Me to Church” Got it Right—and Why I Can’t Stop Listening
Introduction:
Before I start, watch the video. (Disclaimer: Some of the lyrics will make you uncomfortable--this is the point.)
Next: I have to say that these comments are not all churches by any means or stretch of the imagination. There are compassionate, committed, loving people—I know them—everywhere in the Church. And I must also say that Hozier has made a specific point in an interview to say that this song isn’t meant to be an all-out bash on religion or the Church as a whole, but rather the institutions that "undermine some of the more natural parts of being a person". He goes on in the interview to say that the focus isn't "the Church" specifically.
With that, I will also say that there are things many churches should consider in this song. The following lines are the ones I thought conducive to that discussion. Not because every word spoken from a critic or different opinion is always valid, but rather because if we cannot listen and consider someone else’s words of us—and whether there is some truth to them—then we’re missing something.
Lastly: In listening to critics or those who disagree or think differently than us, no one needs to feel that they are seceding anything. Listening to critiques does not mean that the Church walks on eggshells. But it does mean that we, the Church, must realize that eggshells sometimes resemble the insides of our hearts, and hurts, and struggles—and that people must not be managed like machines (with the twisting a setting to fix a malfunction).
So let us consider the selections here. Because if we’re not ready to listen, we’re not ready to learn.
"Take Me to Church" Lyric Explication:
1. 'We were born sick,' you heard them say it.
This seems to be a rather continuous thought from those marginalized in the Church (specifically speaking to LGBTQ Christians, and the greater community, today).
It is also a common diagnosis for homosexuality. Everyone has sin; no sin is greater than another; this is your cross—your thorn in the flesh. It’s just another sin and just another struggle—I’ve got alcoholism, you’ve got desires. Suck it up.
The problem is that this is not alcohol or drug use. This is not an issue we can address with blanket statements. “This is hurting your health,” or “You could die if you keep going on like this.” Because that’s what we say to alcoholics and drug abusers—this is ruining your life; this is a choice you made.
For many in the LGBTQ community, they don’t feel that they’ve “chosen” anything.
But in labeling and blanketing an entire people group with a disgust and a sickness and deep-seated disapproval is unfair. Not because, hey, maybe you’re right, but instead because, hey, this is a human being. Eggshells, remember?
2. She tells me, 'Worship in the bedroom.'
The only heaven I'll be sent to
Is when I'm alone with you.
With the lack of safety felt by LGBTQ people in the Church, there seems to be no middle ground; no conversations, no dinners, no exchanging of ideas. And yet, this was the way of salvation extended by Jesus.
Let’s go out to dinner with the tax collectors and prostitutes. Don’t worry what the Religious Leaders say.
And that is why this line cuts to the heart of things. Because the polarization of “good” and “bad” and “not quite there yet, sorry” is leaving people who may to sit and listen to the Word of God on the outskirts. It doesn’t mean you tailor your sermons to universality, but it does mean you use a little more sensitivity in dealing with a heart and soul and Child of God who has probably been hurt by ten different experiences within “religion”.
Remember the eggshells. Stomp and shout as loud as you want, but hold me tenderly.
The call to Christianity isn’t any less extreme or challenging because of this, it just means we stop becoming the “Saviors” in the lives of others. The work of Christ prevails, period. Show verses, say what you feel the Spirit is telling you, and do so in humility.
Because we speak truth in love—and yes love is challenging and hard to swallow, but it is also patient, [and] kind…It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Corinthians 13)
I know the passage is cliché but it's also true. Because the love of Christ is challenging—and life-changing when Christ is the one who ushers it in—but the love of Christ also “does not dishonor others,” and “always protects, trusts, perseveres”.
3. That's a fine looking high horse
What you got in the stable?
We've a lot of starving faithful
This is, you guessed it, the “plank in your eye” bit. We’re all sinners, either way you lean on the issue. We’re all sinners. That should add humility to anything we see or speak. Not that we don’t spark fires and let the Spirit do its thing, but rather that we take even our own words, sermons, and advice, with a grain of salt. Or a pound. Because I fall short, and you fall short, and we all hurt.
4. I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife
Offer me that deathless death
Good God, let me give you my life.
While the “sharpen[ing] of your knife” may be more “hush, hush,” these days, there is a level of distrust amongst congregations. We are scared to be honest about ourselves, because our selves, the very deepest parts of us, are also the softest and most breakable. So if I tell you about my deepest hurts and fears, and in turn you condemn me—no matter how “lovingly”—I probably won’t listen. Because you haven’t even given my deepest parts a second to breathe in your presence. You’ve already squashed me.
5. In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene
Only then I am Human
Only then I am Clean.
Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen.
And here’s the crux. The most beautiful part, for me at least.
In the madness of everything that happens in life, the mistakes and choices we make or fail to make, the fact that I—or you, me, we, us together—am at the very least honest about it is beautiful.
The Lord doesn’t call for cut up pieces of a generally tainted whole person. He wants all of us at his feet, vulnerably waiting to see how he rebuilds the pain into, yes, a beautiful thing. This doesn’t feed much into the “Total Depravity” argument, but that was never my jive.
Because yes, I am disgusting, totally and undeniably fallen, dirty, stained, mistake-ridden and doomed. But Jesus didn’t leave me there. The Gospel is the message of Christ presented to someone before the “total depravity” bit is recognized. And even then, it is the rebuilding that Christ does in us which gives joy, wholeness, beauty, and worth in all their totality to each who calls Him “Lord”.
So I am not depraved (any longer). I am not stained (any longer). I am chosen, beautiful, and free (forevermore).
Conclusion
The reason this song intrigues (just as “Same Love” by Macklemore struck a chord with many) is because it is the song of so many—the song of me and you—knocking at the door and, sometimes, finding no one to answer. The ache of loneliness is great, but the call of Christ is greater.
And it is in this irony and tension, found both in the Church and ourselves—broken and stumbling but somehow still fumbling like children into the sun—that I say, wholly surrendered (no matter what another church official says or does): Good God, let me give you my life.
More Reading:
These two articles from Christianity Today are interesting reads to continue this conversation in a wider context.
A Thread Called Grace, Jonathan Merritt
My Train Wreck Conversion, Rosaria Champagne Butterfield
A Response to "Letter From Birmingham City Jail" by Martin Luther King: The Continued Call to Personal and Spiritual Justice Today
"I cannot sit idly by in Atlanta and not be concerned about what happens in Birmingham…We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly affects all indirectly. Never again can we afford to live with the narrow, provincial ‘outside alligator’ idea. Anyone who lives in the United States can never be considered an outsider anywhere in this country.” (290)
The call for justice in America can feel overwhelming. There are many oppressors with many faces, income brackets, and social classes—some are more obvious, others are not. We all wear a cloak of burden, however, in this discussion. As King states in the opening quote, “whatever affects one directly affects all indirectly”. We are, in fact, our brother’s keeper. This does mean we spoon feed our brother, cradle him from a scratch, or keep him from independent growth; but if our brother is dying, hurt, or otherwise mistreated, we have a call.
King talks about the stark realities of this mistreatment from his place in a jail cell: “Birmingham is probably the most thoroughly segregated city in the United States.” (290)
Throughout the letter, I could not separate one thing: it was the fact that I felt a deep connection to many of King’s statements. Why? Because I hear them ring true in my own life and my own personal “movement”. I will in no way equate my experiences with King’s and the many oppressed—and those still oppressed—because of race.
But the weight of oppression, fear, and mistreatment feels familiar.
I see a glaring connection between King’s words as they spoke to civil rights then, as they transcend to the debate surrounding gay rights now—especially those intricate social interactions within the Church (which King addresses).
TIME Magazine notes that the stark difference between the Civil Rights movement then and gay rights today: The writer notes that the battle for gay rights presently is “not nearly as painful” and has turned into—even to its most adamant enemies—a kind of "resigned acceptance” (Time). I would challenge more conversation on that point, but understand the need to define boundaries between one oppressed population and another. These are separate issues.
With the recent news of Alabama’s issuing of its first same-sex wedding licenses, I draw to King’s words again. Change isn’t a hasty or reactive thing. It requires the thought and planning and prayerful consideration of all parties involved. But in terms of LGBTQ people trying to find a place in the church, I think the discussion—and proceeding action—is necessary.
[Image via www.politico.com]
King states what I reiterate wholeheartedly; “I must confess that I am not afraid of the word tension…there is a type of constructive nonviolent tension that is necessary for growth.” (291) Though the discussions, the theologies, and the Scriptures all cause pause and thought and questions, the embrace of the person in front of us must not.
Jesus called all—though all did not answer. So we must not think it our duty to determine who is allowed at the feet of the Lord, but instead make room for those who want to lay there with us. Our duty is one of ushering people into God’s presence, and removing the hurdles which may prevent them from getting there.
The tension in the homosexuality debate within the church lies directly in one of King’s statements, where he says that “a just law is a man-made code that squares with the moral law or the law of God.” (293) This is the place—and the point and argument—where some would say that the laws which deny gay couples the right to marry are “just”, because these laws “square with the moral law, or the law of God”.
But what is the law of God? Is it 613 commandments? What about the one?
Jesus created a travel-sized Old Testament when he said “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself”; he pedestaled the essence of discipleship, which is a reckless abandon to the Lord and to others. This does not mean that the Old Testament is irrelevant or incapable of teaching, by any means, but it is not our gospel; and it is not the entirety of the story of our God, or our Savior.
Where does this leave gay Christians? Or rather, where does this leave Christians (who fall within the LGBTQ spectrum)?
Well, it leaves them at the feet of a Lord who calls them—to Himself—to obey a law of Love that isn’t watered down, but strong and powerful and challenging. I do not think children of God should be left at the mercy of a state who decides what their walk with the Lord should look like, in terms of choosing spouses or partners.
The need to create black and white boundaries around tradition negates the core of what humanity is; nuanced, stretched, and far beyond legalistic regulation.
The Lord calls the entirety of a person to His feet. So the oppression of those willing to bring their entire self to the feet of an eternal Creator must end.
We cannot oppress those willing to be honest. These are people; friends, neighbors, family, brothers and sisters in “the Family; they are the whole and the broken and the sinful and the chained and the free and the grace-filled and the forgiven, all at once. “These people” are us. “They” are me and “they” are you. I’d think that we have started loving well when we stop using “they” to describe those we think separate from ourselves; because none of us is so separated from the other that we are not called human; we are all human.
King references a kind of civil disobedience which was demonstrated in the Bible; “Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego [refuse] to obey the laws of Nebuchadnezzar because a higher moral law was involved” (294). I am also reminded of that story, and the three men’s’ defiance to the ruler’s scare tactics, which gives hope to both of these rights issues—even within the Church.
In the Bible, the king threatens these three men with “death by fire”; the three respond boldly.
"If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the furnace of blazing fire; and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But even if He does not, let it be known to you, O king, that we are not going to serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up." Daniel 3:17-18
Regardless of the end point, God has won.
I see this same fearlessness in King’s approach to the civil rights movement then, and my own inner, personal “movement” now, as we all may see in our lives as we say no to fear and oppression (in whatever way they manifest themselves). It is the moment when I, and you—like King—refuse to shudder at the scare tactics of an oppressor.
How? Why? Because our God is bigger.
He has defeated all even if—in my life—I feel defeated. He has won every battle even if—in my life—I lose. And He has paved my path by way of unique signposts, delicate words, and fiery passion, even if—in my life—I feel completely lost.
Rejected by the world, I am always accepted by Christ.
This is why I resonate so strongly with many of King’s statements; because I feel the transcendence of the civil rights movement within my own personal movement. I think you may resonate with his words too; in your own battles for inner, emotional, psychological, or spiritual dignity; for your own human and God-given right to stand in your own skin, and be at peace. It is happening in the news and the church pews of today—it may be happening in the ghostly, slimly, and poisonous reverberations of lies, shame, or hurt within your own heart—and it is an unjust oppression that must end.
I reiterate the call that King makes to the Church, as someone who loves it deeply, and who holds its Scriptures as close to her heart as a denominationally-displaced sinner can.
“I love the church; I love her sacred walls…But, oh! How we have blemished and scarred that body through social neglect and fear of being nonconformists…The contemporary church is often a weak, ineffectual voice with an uncertain sound…Is organized religion too inextricably bound to the status quo to save our nation and the world?” (300)
We must drop fear.
We must cling to those who are willing to march, walk, or hold us up through the fight for justice for all. Those who are willing to acknowledge the fight that, truly, transcends one time period and moves into each of our hearts as we find ourselves oppressed by an unforgiving world and an unforgiving Enemy—but all in the face of a wildly beautiful, wholly forgiving God.
We must drop fear.
We must stand with and acknowledge those who believe “that right defeated is [still] stronger than evil triumphant”; stand with those whose “witness has been the spiritual salt that has preserved the true meaning of the gospel in these trouble times.” (300)
It is with them that we stand; and still, as always, it is with those that we join in our call for justice. We stand, even as evil tries to swipe away the holy hand of a God who only wishes to hold us more tightly.
We stand and drop everything else.
[Title]
One of the greatest gifts I ever received--from teachers, mentors, professors, or friends--was the freedom to sort out my feelings for myself. Whether it was doubt, fear, my past or my future, the greatest gift was [and is] the freedom to answer difficult questions while standing on my own two feet (granted, I'm also sure that there were [and are] many hands holding me steady, even now).
But how is it that we cannot allow others the space to wrestle, to question, and to wriggle within the arms of a God who never lets go? In fact, a God who, Himself, extended this space of freedom to us; ultimately, to choose for ourselves.
All-powerful, all-knowing, Almighty. Replacing the threatening rod with an extended hand; 613 commandments with "the greatest is this"; a holy wrath with a merciful justice; a stained world with a spotless lamb; and a spotless lamb with a roaring lion. This is the God who says, "Follow me," without a shock collar attached. This is the God who died and rose--before anyone chose Him. This is the God of freedom.
We must allow The Lord to work without our agendas. Because when we allow others--and ourselves--to experience Him uniquely and personally, we break the chains of "traditional Christian journeys", and allow for impactful, life-changing encounters with Christ. And there is nothing traditional, or predictable, about that. This is the God of freedom; and He is showing us, over and over and over again: Salvation is not an Easy Bake Oven, and The Bible is no cookbook.
The Red Line to Glenmont was a crowded fish-submarine. It “whooshed” like the Death Star in hyper speed. Torch-lit tunnels, “outer space”; Metro Center, Gallery Place, Takoma.
But Spielberg didn’t have black women and porcelain-ed toddlers; bold-roast braids and cream-white eyes. I think...
Remembering my first month in D.C. Wow.
The Marionette
The girl wore no shoes.
Black tights covered her feet and legs on the train platform, and she shook as she cried in her trembling dress. The tears covered her pearly face like glossy paint.
Her red hair was curled in soft ringlets like loosely curled pasta, and she looked no more than twenty-six. My coworker in the green coat and richly-dark eyes hesitated for a moment, and just as quickly, walked over.
Compassion without action is...what?
"Are you okay?" she asked.
The woman's body shook, but she nodded "yes" through phlegm and tears. My friend stepped away, but we watched the marionette.
Her left finger bore an engagement ring, and the man she had just walked away from, was in our train car.
She sat near us; like a slinky that's been jumped, her body scrunched together and stretched on the seat. After a minute, she rose.
She sat with the man. He held himself erect like a statue, eyes cold; pained?
December 17th (On Cuba)
"And next, on Cuba..." the newswoman's voice trailed off as my heart snapped out of those metaphysical ponderings which usually occur when you stare out of an airplane window at 30,000 feet.
Cuba? What on Cuba?
If you know me at all, you know I am a Cuban American. You know because I tell you, most likely near one of our first meetings, that my parents and grandparents immigrated from Cuba as Castro took over, leaving everything they knew and loved behind--including their childhoods, their families, and any small comforts of familiarity or community.
I carry their stories on my back, cut into my skin, like a medal of honor. I will wear those purple bruises--the ones my father must've worn as he walked to school without shoes--with pride. I will wear those darkened black bruises from the bananas my mother used to search for in the trashcans behind supermarkets, with her family. Her father worked two jobs and her mother took care of five kids who barely spoke the language.
I carry those stories with pride, even while I get mistaken and labeled "white"--which, by the way, sometimes feels like the brutal stripping, beating, and death of my parents, and my grandparents, and my aunts and uncles, and my cousins, and all their struggles. I am a Cuban American, and my blood finds its source--and found its life and first breath--in those purified memories, stories, and heritage of plantain fields and stolen chickens.
My first language was Spanish because Abuela raised me while mom and dad went to work. Café Cubano, frijoles y arroz, and trying to pronounce things like the other kids in kindergarten; until, finally, I unlearned the story that I was born speaking, accenting, and clumsily,--but happily--imitating.
I've been fighting to relearn, revive, and reclaim that story ever since I realized what it cost. Celia Cruz, Jose Marti, Mildred Arenado, Jose Arenado, Carmen Sotolongo, Pedro Sotolongo.
CBS reported as I shoved each of my headphones in, and clicked the volume up as high as it would go. The President's announcement--and the US change in policy--came out of nowhere. Eighteen months of secret talks; the Pope was in; Alan Gross was exchanged for Cuban spies. Russia (Putin) is happy; and they have been "courting" Cuba for months.
The Castro regime has a new lease on life.
I will not do much in commenting, because far more educated and qualified people--who have lived through it, or put the proper political commentary in--have already spoken.
Yoani Sanchez, a Cuban blogger I have followed since middle school, says that "Castroism has won." (She has been beaten, numerous times, for posting blogs about what life--and life under the Cuban government--is actually like.) The Washington Post Editorial Board also titled their commentary article, "Obama gives the Castro regime in Cuba an undeserved bailout".
Regardless of the chatter on both ends, I think the whispers still echo true from fifty years past, no matter where you stand (or where you were born). They are the voices of my parents, and my grandparents, and my family (related either by blood or stories). They are all, still, chanting softly: Cuba libre.
And I whisper with them, a proud daughter of Cuban immigrants, feeling the repercussions of oppression still in their tired eyes, and lost family stories. I whisper with them, feeling as if--somehow--I've lost something too. Because I have.
And I fight everyday to reclaim it.
Cuba LIBRE.
"On Earth as it is in Heaven" (Ferguson)
Photo: Johnny Nguyen
I feel moved to speak about Ferguson. Not because I feel qualified, or well-versed in the intricacies; and not because I understand the depth of the issue, or the way it has hurt—and undervalued—American citizens and children of God. I speak because I felt moved this morning at service.
In some cases, to speak hastily is ignorance; in others, to keep silent is greater ignorance. This morning, our director (who is also the priest of the Episcopal Church we attend), asked how God can break through in a situation, even when His face seems hidden.
This past week, a friend who attended a Ferguson demonstration at the White House, spoke of a white woman who stood up amongst the crowd; “This is not just a black issue; this is also a white issue.” She spoke of the need to bring light to those who are unaware; to go home and have discussions. People clapped and cheered.
And though I continue to ask what my place in this discussion is (which certainly takes the posture of a listener more often than not), I am assured that fellow human beings—and children of the living God—deserve recognition.
Whether we know it or not, the environment we grew up in colors our perception of life, injustice, and truth. We see variations based on the places we’ve stood, sat, or hidden. But this morning, as I murmured the Nicene Creed with brothers and sisters—backgrounds ranging from West African to Caribbean—I looked up and realized that even if I couldn’t understand what it feels like to carry a darker shade of skin, heritage, and history, I also have no right to stand idly by while others are in pain. This does not assume a place of hierarchy based on my participation in a situation, but it does recognize that, should a brother or sister be wronged, I cannot stand by mute and apathetic.
What does it look like for God to break through? Though I’m still unsure, I think a small piece is conversation. It’s more than a hashtag or repost of articles (which spread news without necessarily spreading the human connection, a connection that makes us all responsible for one another’s hurt in a flawed system).
There is a divide; and in most cases, this is not to say that there is a purposeful perpetuation of divisiveness, but that an awareness of a divide is necessary, if there is ever a hope to bridge it.
And for those further away, who feel far removed from a story that may seem nothing more than passing news, there is the necessity to understand that these occurrences are important. And they should always find us ready to step back and take stock of our role. Fear is the enemy; fear to learn, to be wrong, to be put in an unfamiliar or uncomfortable position. But we have not been given a spirit of fear.
How can God break through?
No matter where you stand, this is your question.
Why I Take Pictures and Write Stories: To Perpetuate a Standard of Awe
We are tentative to acknowledge differences. We tiptoe for privacy's sake. We hold words back or let words go.
We are tentative to acknowledge beauty--boldly--when we see it; it sounds foreign on our lips. Or even fearful.
Because we have become so worried about the infringement of someone else's right to isolation and self-determination, that we completely lose the power to encourage, affirm, and spur one another on--the people we breathe, travel, and exist with.
But if I see you--matted hair and determined hands--and notice your beauty, I'm going to shout it. No matter race, state, religion, sexuality, "disability", economic security or insecurity, etcetera.
I do not acknowledge you (or your beauty) to perpetuate an idea, but rather to perpetuate a standard of awe. That standard which seems to have been lost, or poisoned, since our fifth birthday's.
I never acknowledge you in pity--able, disabled, dark skin, light skin, blue-eyed or brown. It is never in your "lack of" or my "right to".
It is always an acknowledgement of a divine marveling; an acknowledgement of my childlike wonder at your human self (whole and worthy and wonderful in the way you have been made, different and unique from myself).
I see people and marvel. Like a child at the sunset. I can sit and marvel at your beauty for hours; I think God gave me a taste of the way He sees things. He sees you--and marvels.
And if that is seen as a tainted, unfair perspective, then I'm sure the World and I will fight till the day I die.
Me, one day falling in the grave, shouting madly: "You are beautiful!"
Until my voice is silenced.
If you’ve known deep pain and have seen it defeated in simple ways — perhaps by a street-side jazz band — you don’t think about the end point. Not always.
My second article is outttttt. Share it n stuff.
I had the best dream last night.
The kind of man you deserve is not the man your dreams settled for. He will never act exactly like Ryan Gosling in The Notebook.
#wutwut