lavenoor dreamscape

☁️ a place i'll sleepily post about my stories and other topics

[lavenoor]

welcome 🌙 ☁️

hi, im noor :) im best known for one of my stories on quotev, it's a pain to be a prince - which is probably why most of yall are here lol

[ she/her ; South Asian ; med student ]

『 RULES 』 please look at this before sending me an ask or commenting on my posts!

『 DISCLAIMERS 』 this is a much shorter list than my rules, but it's just as important! it includes what types of posts i make on tumblr + other info. (aka i don't only post about iaptbap on here lol)

『 NAVIGATION 』 this is split into the two main categories my posts fall into: 1) iaptbap-related content and 2) other content. it also includes one of the most important pages you should visit: my FAQ.

[lavenoor]

I have one of my most major exams coming up next week so I’ll keep this brief and expand more later

I am 100000% against any form of grooming, abuse, etc. I have received masses of hate for standing my ground on these issues. I am also strongly against minors being exposed to explicit content, which is why I have always placed barriers to readers accessing the explicit works I have written. I have had minors send me explicit messages, minors try to roleplay smut with me, and my response has now defaulted to automatically blocking, and it’s been that way for years. (I wish I would have defaulted to that sooner but I didn't for fear of "sounding mean"). Back when the iaptbap discord was very active, I made a strong rule for the general chat to not include anything explicit, including jokes, and relegated those topics to another 18+ channel. Even then, many adults and minors would make sexual comments in the general chat, which once again, I was adamantly against and promptly addressed. These are all principles that reflect my values.

But, like I have discussed openly before, my beliefs and behaviors weren’t always like this. As a minor with unlimited internet access, there was a point where I was incredibly desensitized to explicit content, yandere content, etc. there was a point that I, much like many impressionable young readers, believed yandere content was desirable and romantic. Like many minors, at one point I didn’t think it was a big deal to consume sexual content, or discuss sexual content, especially because so much of the explicit content I came across involved characters who are minors. As a minor, I engaged in explicit conversations with adults and other minors because once again, it was so heavily normalized and treated as lighthearted convo among friends. I was a part of several unhealthy, extremely parasocial friendships and often acted as a therapist, hearing and dissecting insane trauma on the regular, as well as severely overstepped boundaries in order to maintain those volatile friendships. Although it’s less commonplace now because of the way online discourse has evolved, there are still many conversations online between adults and minors that are explicit/inappropriate in nature, like when discussing some explicit story or show, or when it comes to oversharing/venting, and it's still normalized to an extent. (However, as a minor, I never produced sexual content — the most I had written were make out scenes which I incorrectly labeled as smut).

Consequently, as a teen, I believed there was nothing wrong with certain problematic tropes; I remember reading Fruits Basket and thinking nothing of the gross age gaps and problematic tropes, and the online spaces I was a part of never acknowledged it either. There was physically no way for me to know right from wrong since none of the internet spaces I was in discussed anything even related to morality. It was never right for me to do and believe what I did — this is not me justifying that — this is more of me pointing out a larger overarching issue about unregulated, unsafe internet spaces in the 2010s and giving context behind the way I operated.

After becoming an adult, through my more mature circles, classes, and expanding what I read, I became exposed to new perspectives and realized how awful and concerning it was that so many of these things were so heavily normalized. Finally, these things were being actively discussed and my eyes were opened.

I absolutely acknowledge that I made some awful decisions when I was early to the fanfiction space around 13-17 and I apologize for that. I said, read, and discussed content I would never be comfortable with today (and for the past many years). However, there is nothing I've done on the internet in at least the past five years that I regret -- at that point I have been adamant about my values.

I want to emphasize that being actively against yandere behavior, abuse, and grooming has been a core, integral part of my moral compass as soon as I became an adult and matured into my values. It’s something I will continue to do no matter how much hate I get for it.

Once again, this is a brief post and I will go more into detail later. If you have any questions please message me but I probably wont be able to get to them for some time. in the meantime please keep comments/speculations to a minimum

[lavenoor]

I think after I take my first exam I’ll have the time and mental relief to update something lmao the writing withdrawal symptoms are eating away at my soul

[lavenoor]

med school has been fucking wild so far

I’m exhausted rn but will try my best to respond to messages tomorrow :) as well as make a detailed status post lol

[lavenoor]

hey guys, I have a lot of life changes going on rn so I really apologize for the lack of activity and story updates. I completely understand if any of you have been frustrated by my lack of updates but my life has just been a LOT lately 😭. I’m starting medical school very soon, im in the middle of moving far from my hometown for the first time and tomorrow I’ll be traveling internationally with my family (which is honestly probably gonna be our last family vacation). but dont worry, I am still determined to finish all my stories. also I’m gonna put out another post soon addressing the recent poopy update on Quotev that ruined the site for a lot of people, and what that means for my stories/account (it won’t change a whole lot on my end tbh)

thanks for ur patience and sorry again for the lack of activity :(

[fallahifag-deactivated20240722]

STOP. DON'T SCROLL. READ THIS TO SAVE LIVES IN GAZA. Below are some VETTED campaigns to support Gazans. These people have been experiencing an active genocide for almost a full year. Donate and share widely.

(may 27th)

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Do not scroll past this list without contributing. This list makes it easy for you to find a fundraiser to support. Choose at least one. Your contribution will save lives. If you cannot donate, share these campaigns.

FIND MORE CAMPAIGNS HERE

[lavenoor]

eyo someone made an essay about how good of a writer you are on quotev lol

i just found it and OMG... that was insane in the best way... yall really are the best, that just made my day <3333 i wont give the link or mention who it is in case they don't want to have their account/posts linked on tumblr, but yeah it was amazing to read :)

[lavenoor]

I've learned from IAPTBAP that muscles are not supposed to feel firm most of the time. Thanks to you, every fic i come by where they mention firm muscles I just imagine the character flexing 24/7 😭😭😭😭😭

lmaoo i was super confused when i first read this tbh bc i had no recollection of talking about muscles in that way in iaptbap, so i literally did ctrl+f through my whole story until i found the part and then i was like OHHH RIGHT. but yeah i remember when i first learned that info too lol, it sort of ruined some writing for me as well haha

[lavenoor]

In regards to the original TAO ending you had planned, once you publish the new ending will you reveal what it was?

yep, i definitely will. i was originally going to end the story in an earlier chapter, so once that chapter comes out, ill mention that in the author's note for the chapter (ill say something like "lol so originally i was gonna end the story right here and make it so that X and Y and Z)

im so glad you feel that way! this was very encouraging for me to read, i really appreciate it :D

[lavenoor]

(i wrote this some time ago and figured i might as well post it here lol)

______________________

The idle chatter of the townsfolk felt like incoherent babbles to your ears. The weather, the latest news, the florist's bouquets on sale that day… none of it held any relevance to you. In fact, there was an awful, permeating buzzing that erupted throughout your entire skull.

This was it. Like any other rational human, the weight of this sudden, supernatural situation had crushed your shoulders, your bones crunching like toothpicks and your brain smattered into jam. It was bound to happen - a complete mental breakdown until you'd wake up from this total nightmare.

You kept running. Your shoulders briefly collided with a woman and you couldn't even muster a mumble of an apology before sprinting forward. You'd run until you'd probably end up tripping and scalping yourself, or falling into some nobleman and ending up in some deranged medieval prison.

But your feet gave up on you. Face-first, you tumbled to the ground, your elbows and hands landing in a patch of snow that felt like it was ridden with tiny icicles, painful pinpricks that shot through your skin. You sat up and struggled to rub warmth into your feet, not even having the energy to scream or cry.

Something suddenly fell at your feet.

You jotled at the motion, but then your bleary vision cleared and you spotted a rose in the snow. It had to be synthetic; no natural plant had petals such a deep blood red, perfectly rounded at the edges like they were shorn from silk. Desperate for a distraction, you picked up the rose, ignoring the thorns that sank into the flesh of your fingers. Crimson droplets painted the snow beneath you a light pink.

You got to your feet and scanned the crowd around you for a wide, confused pair of eyes. Someone scanning their head back-and-forth like you were, searching for their eerily flawless rose they dropped from chance or with a purpose.

It was like the rose had been the result of centuries of breeding and grooming and breeding and more grooming. You thought of all the roses that must have come before it, all the roses with a few browned petals or discolored stems or wilting edges that had been tossed into a landfill without a moment of hesitation.

This rose… it had to be meant for something more. Surely more than a spot on the ground, in front of some grown ass version of the little match girl.

Then, your gazes clicked.

A man. A foreboding man. A man with hair so white you weren't sure if it was a cloud obscuring the top of his head or he had been standing there for so long icicles had grown on his scalp. He had glassy marbles for eyes -- marbles that appeared to be bleeding from the inside, like a warped hybrid of biomatter and synthetic material. A dark halo around his head formed from the furry cuff of his black jacket, all billowing and imposing like he was a witch about to place a curse on some unsuspecting victim.

If you were his next victim, you'd take it.

It was like the rose was a magnet pulling you to him. You knew it belonged to him, it had to. Literally, a rose and a man couldn't be more different, yet some unspoken part of your soul knew if you conducted a DNA test or a paternity test or some other analysis of their compositions, it would be a 100% match. The rose was created in his image, or perhaps he was birthed from the rose like some dark version of Thumbelina.

You found yourself clutching the rose tightly in your hand before bringing it under your nostrils. You inhaled a deep whiff like it was a drug.

It very well may have been. Because in moments, all the pain shooting through your legs, the suffocating discomfort in your lungs, the urge to scream and cry -- it was gone, like it had never been there. That numbness you had been craving was finally here. Laying your inflamed nerves and throbbing skull to rest.

But that bliss was only fleeting. A second later, your past excruciating feelings were replaced by something stranger, something even more unbearable. A desperate, pathetic, wanton need clambering in the chambers of your heart like some feral creature.

You needed him.

Maybe you were high -- from the rose or your own screwed up medley of bodily chemicals -- maybe you were dreaming, maybe you had always just been out of your fucking mind. But you needed him.

He was so breathtakingly unreal; that relaxed smile of his, those lightly tousled strands of pure white hair, those marbled eyes, that haunting aura, the rose that tugged you to him. Maybe this was why something so messed up had happened to you, waking up in this world run by bloodthirsty creatures, snatched from your life like you were a useless pawn.

Maybe this is what everything was meant to culminate in. Just you, and him, and no one else. The crowds were NPCs, but you and him were the protagonists, the ones the universe revolved around.

You needed to get closer. You needed to hear his voice, learn his name, hear his laughter.

You needed to know why you felt this way.

Just as you got to your feet, your knees slightly shaking, you took another whiff of the rose and your knees regained their stability. You turned to look back at the man.

He was gone.

Nothing was left in his wake -- not a swish of his velvety black cape, not a passerby turning their head at such an ethereal man, not even a glimpse of his silvery hair.

You crumbled into the snow once more as you choked back a sob.

______

(i imagine the mc stays at le comte's mansion for the next month just like in the game, though she questions her sanity the entire time and never truly opens up to the others. only at the end of the month does she realize that meeting him hadn't been a figment of her imagination)

[lavenoor]

some of yall might remember when i used to update thoughts at odds every single week. it was definitely the most regular updating schedule ive ever had. eventually, i had to pause updating it completely (along with most of my stories) because of my medical school applications. but even after i got into med school (which im starting in a few months actually!) i couldn't bring myself to dedicate any of my free time to TAO.

the main reason was this: i didn't like how I planned to end the story, and there were so many plot holes i didn't know how to deal with.

since TAO is a remake of an old oneshot i wrote, I already had the whole new plot outlined before I even published the new version. i was initially very satisfied with it, especially since it was such a glow up from the old version. but as I began writing and publishing the chapters, i felt like many of my readers were expecting more and more from the plot and characters. their comments and predictions motivated me so much but also made me realize how much untapped potential my story had and how many plot holes there were. i started feeling disappointed with the story i had planned out, and even as I began to make new additions to the plot, i still didn't like how i was going to end the story, and i felt like many of the readers wouldn't like it either.

i was also a bit torn over whether I truly disliked the ending or if i only thought that way because i felt pressured by some readers. some time ago i sat down and really thought about it. and i came to the conclusion that although i did feel pressure from readers, it was definitely tied to the fact that i could have done a way better job with planning out the ending of the story. i always wanted to make the story have a bittersweet ending, but the ending i planned felt like it was doing one of the characters too dirty. it bothered me for a while until i decided that i was going to give this character a happy ending no matter what, although it isn't going to come easy for them lol. this way, i knew i could write the story in a way that id finally be satisfied with.

in other words: i scrapped the original ending i had planned for TAO and basically added a whole other arc to the story, and now im super excited to work on it and publish some content for my TAO readers. i think my readers are going to like this new ending a lot :DD

please note that i dont want this post to discourage anyone from leaving comments on the story! i only felt pressured by the comments because i was personally disappointed with what i had planned. in other words, if i liked the plot i had originally planned, i wouldnt have really felt pressured. thanks so much for all the support and patience, and stay tuned for more tao content :)) yall are the best <3

[lavenoor]

for those of you who've been interested in my nsfw writing (note that it's not open for everyone, only people who meet the age requirement, which you'll see in the link rules), i finally remembered the password to my account and now it should be much easier and faster to access. i completely changed the process so now you no longer have to wait for my individual approval to access it. just go to my quotev sus account.

fyi i just posted the long-awaited sen oneshot to that account. (pls leave comments on it because not getting much traction on my nsfw works is probably the biggest reason i put it on the backburner so much)

[lavenoor]

THAT TOTAL SOLAR ECLIPSE WAS SO COOL IT GOT COMPLETELY DARK LIKE NIGHTTIME EVEN THO ITS 2 PM AND IT GOT RLLY COLD TOO

[lavenoor]

I loved your answer about the princes giving advice on seduction... but I was curious what they would answer if they had feelings for MC, could you write us some answers Violet?

for context, this ask is referencing this post i made a while back. my response to this ask is way longer, pretty much a whole drabble, so im only going to do one prince at a time. im kind of in a writing slump rn so im trying to spark my motivation by writing drabbles like this. dont rlly know who im gonna write abt next, we'll see. this ask is one of the oldest ones in my drafts so im sorry for the insanely long wait ;;

~ BEAU ~

Hey Beau, I need your advice on… how I can get someone to like me. To date me.

Is that too weird to ask of a friend?

You briefly shift your gaze to the man sitting next to you in the library. Or rather, the crown of rich brown hair facing you. Beau is currently nose-deep into a novel he claimed to detest this morning, his neck craned at such an awful angle you're sure his posture is beyond repair. Funny, his posture's been great until he started tutoring Luka. At least this adds to the long list of things you have in common with him now.

Your gaze shifts back to the blank screen of your laptop. It's not that Beau would judge you, or that he'd laugh like a certain British prick until your ears would bleed, it's just that he's… Beau. Sure, you've discussed romance-related topics with Beau on occasion, but it's always carefully within the context of other media -- books, plays, shows, and the like. Silly fictional characters doing their own silly fictional things.

But when it comes to your personal lives? Real shit? Your conversations with Beau never seem to drift in that direction. Sometimes you wonder if it's because you fear you'll reveal something vulnerably awkward or Beau will have absolutely no interest in such a topic. That he'll give some answer that seems earnest at the surface but with detachment lingering behind his friendly demeanor. It would be his version of a cop-out answer.

You sigh. Is it normal to overthink something that most people consider regular friend talk?

Beau suddenly moves away from his book. You jolt, feeling his stare against the side of your face, but you remind yourself that it's not like he caught you staring. You've merely been zoning out in front of your computer for the past five minutes, just like any other dazed college student in the room. You're fine.

"(Name)," Beau starts coarsely, and you want to open your mouth to cut him off, to tell him that he needs to stop overanalyzing your expressions, that there's nothing on your mind, nothing you wish to ask him, nothing he could possibly help you with--

"I'm good."

Beau quirks an eyebrow. "So you're clearly not."

"Huh?"

"I was going to ask if you had some sticky notes. I'm borrowing this book from my professor so I sadly can't annotate the pages directly. But clearly, now that you've revealed-"

"Oh--okay--yeah I have some-" you quickly reach over and yank the zipper of your bag open as you purposely duck your face from Beau's view.

"No, no, no," Beau says, moving his head as he tries to meet your gaze, "I was going to say that now that you've randomly blurted you're 'okay', it's obvious something's bothering you."

You smack a stack of bright sticky notes in front of him on the table. "Here, are these a good size?"

Beau doesn't even glance at the sticky notes. His eyes are glued to yours, probing so intensely you're surprised you don't break contact. He knows you'll crack soon, though.

You hate that about him. How smug and overconfident and overbearing he can be at times. You love that about him.

You finally sigh in defeat. "Okay, whatever, it's not even a big deal. It's just that… we haven't really talked about something like this and I don't want you to feel like you have to care."

Beau frowns. It's like a slurry of thoughts is baking in his mind, but he shakes his head ever so slightly and his expression softens. "You can share anything with me, (Name). I swear."

Hearing him say such a loaded affirmation without ten supporting statements or clauses or conjectures has you questioning things. For once, nothing complicated left Beau's mouth. Just two simple, powerful sentences.

Oh, fuck it.

"I want to know your advice on how I can get someone to like me. Romantically."

Something immediately flickers across Beau's face. It's so fast and fleeting, like a fuse dangerously sparking, you can't quite identity it. Confusion, shock, possibly even cringe?

Then Beau nods as he thickly swallows, as if he's pretending to find your question intriguing, as if he's pretending to put thought and effort into his response. In the same way you'd respond to a child asking about the color of the sky. This was a dumb idea.

"But if you aren't exactly sure, then it's fine," you add hastily.

Beau takes his cup of coffee and slowly drains the last of it. He's buying more time.

Then, he turns to you. "So." He clears his throat. "You want to date someone."

"Well, yeah."

"And are you thinking of a specific person, or…?" Beau jumps into his next statement before you can answer, "By the way, I'm not asking out of nosiness, but because my advice changes depending on the person. Not everyone develops feelings in the same way, for the same reasons. But I'm sure you know that already."

You nod in understanding before you ponder his question. "There's not exactly…" you struggle to collect your thoughts. "We all have our dream, ideal person-" you try not to linger on an obnoxiously intelligent exchange student, so pristinely groomed his clean scent alone makes you feel hopelessly lonely and euphorically full at the same time, "-but I'm more after being in a relationship with someone."

Beau looks slightly amused. "Someone?"

"Not just anyone, of course, they at least have to be a decent person," you roll your eyes, "but I'm at a point where I just want to like someone and they like me back, and we do cute couple things and… yeah. You get the gist."

"I see." Beau's no longer looking at you. His eyes are glued to the cover of his book, which isn't exactly complex and interesting. "Is there not even a personality trait you're looking for?" he asks after a moment of pause.

"As long as they're passionate about something, have empathy for others, aren't an asshole… I think I'd be down."

Beau's expression is neutral, but for some reason, you sense he's annoyed. Ugh, he's so unpredictable at times. Maybe you should just switch the topic already.

"Actually, I-"

Beau loudly clicks his pen a few times. "I meant to ask this earlier, but… haven't you tried asking someone out before? Even once?" You know he doesn't mean it in a condescending way, but gosh, he really needs to work on his delivery.

"Not during college. I just don't want to misread someone's signals or, you know, get brutally rejected," you say with a shrug.

A gust of air leaves Beau's lungs. At first you think it's a strange cough, but soon, you realize it's a laugh. Wow.

You glare at him. "Yeah, okay, go ahead. I guess you could say I'm being pretty shallow and desperate, since I just want a relationship for the experience. You wouldn't be wrong. I just don't really care at this point."

You expect Beau to quickly go quiet, to shrink back in shame and guilt, to even possibly mumble an apology for reacting so weirdly.

But instead, Beau begins to double over with laughter.

"Gosh, what's wrong with you?" You worriedly glance around the library before shooting Beau another dirty look as you hold your finger to your lips.

This is so uncharacteristic for him. He's usually the one shushing you in the library, not the other way around. Thankfully, only you and Beau are sitting at the large table, surrounded by empty seats.

"I'm sorry…" Beau says between gulps of air and more laughs, "I just… I can't really explain…"

You roll your eyes. "Sure, Beau. The guy aspiring to be a professor suddenly can't explain what's so insanely funny about me wanting love advice."

Beau's laughter gradually ceases. He leans back in his seat, arms crossed, and sends you an oddly serious look. Eyebrows completely flat and low on his forehead, lips not ghosting a smile or a frown -- it sends a chill down your spine.

"What?"

"It's funny how certain you are."

"Certain about what? That I'm single?"

Beau forces down a smile. "How certain you are that there isn't a man at this very table who's dying to be with you."

[lavenoor]

I used to love My Singing Monsters!

fr when I first moved to another city during middle school (so I was 13 years old) all I did during the summer was play my singing monsters 😭 the rarest monster I ended up getting was the whisp lol. a few months ago my job got so unbearable I decided to download it again on a whim and honestly it’s helped me get through work a lot lmao

[lavenoor]

sorry guys I’ve been caught up in fasting for Ramadan + playing papa’s wingeria + my singing monsters (don’t even ask ..)

but since I finally beat wingeria and I got all the ethereals in msm I no longer have excuses to avoid updating my stories lmao . Gonna try to write despite fasting zapping my energy/motivation. like if people can take massive exams while fasting i think I can at least write lol

[lavenoor]

Ramadhan kareem Noor!!!!

Ramadan Kareem everyone!! I wanted to share this hilarious tiktok of a hijabi doing such a spot-on impression of anime characters saying “Ramadan Kareem” but I can’t find it 😭😭😭 if/when i do I’ll post the link here bc it was so entertaining

EDIT:

YES OMG it’s that one lmao tysm for sharing! 💜

link (the little boy impression knocked me out lmfao)