Her
TW: Eating disorders
She took a second to catch her breath since she was finally out of the sight of other but quickly took off once again, taking the steps to her dormitory two at a time. None of the other girls had come back — not yet, anyway. She hoped they were all at class. There was no way she would let any of them, not even Parvati, see her in this state.
Her bag fell to the floor with a echoing bang as she ran to the window, ripping the blinds open, letting in as much light as possible. Shit, she thought, of all the days to be this cloudy, it’s today?
It was over. She thought she was over this. Why was it coming back with as much guilt as it had at the peak of the problem? It was only a piece of toast, she kept telling herself over and over. But it was something, and that's what mattered.
Lavender tugged back her covers and crawled into bed, feeling as if she were going to break the posts on her bed by weighing down the curtains as she pulled them shut.
Darkness.
It was morning. Why did it have to be so dark? Why did the sky have to be cluttered in masses of clouds rather than clear and sunny?
Darkness.
The opposite of what she wanted. She needed light, and she couldn't get that from the crappy lighting in her dormitory or the tip of her wand. It wasn't enough. She needed dozens of candles with their flames flickering, casting their dancing light against the walls of the room, fighting off what was to come. She needed sunshine, filling the room, burning out what was to come. It hardly ever happened when she had either of those, but with neither to help her, she was trapped.
Click. Click.
She perked up, eyes wide and staring above her. It was like she heard the sound of Her heels, not in her mind, but in her physical world. Then came the rubbing of fabrics as Her A-line skirt brushed against the curtains around Lavender's bed.
Hide, she urged herself. Covers were thrown over her head, and she curled in on herself in an attempt to take up as little space as possible. Her knees, so tightly tucked up against her chest, were digging into her body, telling her she was too big to do any more.
"Of course you're too big to curl up anymore. That's your fault, no doubt."
For the first time, Her voice wasn't sounding through Lavender's head; it was playing through her ears.
"Now, Lavender, sit up and look pretty, will you?"
Lavender didn't listen and began to shake furiously, clutching at her covers like a life line.
"Up!" She commanded crossly. "Or are you unable to do that, being how thick and heavy you are? Up, and listen to me the first time."
With her hiding time run out, Lavender slowly sat up and pulled her covers down to her chin.
She was there.
Tall and thin and wrapped in a buttoned-up blue cardigan with her A-line skirt. Face like a vulture and skin bright and pale with no imperfections. Hair a warm brown and cropped just above Her shoulders with ends neatly curled inward. Left hand on Her hip and eyes gleaming with malice.
Lavender ceased to shiver, frozen with fear. Previously, She had been only a presence Lavender felt in the dead of night or a voice when she sat down at a table. Her image had always been clear in Lavender's mind; her figure and attire were well known. She was no longer in Lavender's head; she was there.
She smirked mercilessly, raised an eyebrow, and crossed her arms. "Why don't you tell me what you had this morning?"
Silence.
Tap, tap, tap.
Her leg was twitching with the movement it took Her to tap her heels on the wooden floor of the dormitory. "Tell me."
Shoulders hunched, Lavender muttered, "Toast. Just toast and pumpkin juice, I swear."
"And what did I tell you you deserved?"
Barely audible, Lavender replied, "Nothing."
