[academic rivals] [sex bets] [eight-year hogwarts] [quidditch captain draco] [smutty] [switchy] [tortured past] [idiots in love] [an overall sexy and emotional good time] [hogwarts in winter] [loss of virgnity] [pining]
Summary: When your no-strings-attached agreement to lose your virginity to the perfectly agreeable Theodore Nott falls through, you're in need of a substitute. And for some reason, your academic rival, long-time nemesis, and perpetual thorn in your side, Draco Malfoy, thinks he's the perfect one.
You're determined not to fall for whatever tricks he has up his sleeve, but as you start trading kisses like curses and sex wagers like blood oaths, things get...complicated.
And you're not sure how many more bets you can make with him before you lose much more than you bargained for.
18+ content. CW: so much smut. swearing. drinking. eight year at Hogwarts, post-war so characters are aged up.
chapter one - Your Rival
chapter two - The Plan
chapter three - A Kiss
chapter four - The Monster Within
chapter five - Let's Raise The Stakes
chapter six - A Lesson In Impulse
chapter seven - A Little Honey
chapter eight - Liar
chapter nine - The Most Unforgivable Curse
chapter ten - Ruinous Games
chapter eleven - One Of Many
chapter twelve - The Death Of Me
chapter thirteen - A Flame This Scorching
chapter fourteen - What If
chapter fifteen - A Silent Confession
chapter sixteen - His Birthright
chapter seventeen - The Twists of Fate
chapter eighteen - Chasing Fire
chapter nineteen
chapter twenty
chapter twenty-one
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word count: 3.5k
tags/warnings: fourth year, hufflepuff reader, hufflepuff/slytherin house relations, female reader-insert, draco malfoy is terrible at feelings
summary: In your fourth year at Hogwarts the Yule Ball is announced, and Draco Malfoy is dying from the terrifying reality of having a crush on a Hufflepuff. || ao3
Draco Malfoy was pretty sure he was going to die.
There was simply no other explanation for this terrible, horrible feeling.
His heart was racing out of his chest. His stomach felt like it was going to unload itself all over the pale green walls of his dorm room. He was nearly sweating blood from the immense stress he was under. He couldnโt eat. He couldnโt sleep. All he could think about wasย you.
And itโs not like you were something worth thinking about, either. No, you werenโt some brilliant pureblood witch, nor did you believe in such philosophies. You were inย Hufflepuff, for crying out loud. But you were quiet, almost as if you werenโt even present, and yet so effervescent and noticeable all the same. It was quizzical. It was maddening. Draco simply couldnโt figure you out, and he hated feeling like an idiot.
Itโd been this way for a while now. Of course, heโd met you on the train on the way to your first year of Hogwarts, each of you reaching gingerly for another chocolate frog off the trolley. Your hands had touched, and heโd felt a spark unlike anything heโd ever felt. It was terrifying. Heโd watched you walk away with a foreign sense of yearning, wishing he was brave enough to follow you. But Slytherins, in all their glory, are known not for bravery but for cunning โ and Draco Malfoy was destined to be a Slytherin. So he watched in agonizing silence, turning to his friends who brought him little joy but much appreciation. His thoughts remained on you until the sorting ceremony, where you joyfully skipped to the Hufflepuff table upon the raggedy hatโs decision. His spiteful words to that boy in Madam Malkinโs shop rang through his head, then:ย โimagine being in Hufflepuff, I think Iโd leave, wouldnโt you?โย โ and alas, the first person to ever pique his interest was designated to be a blastedย Hufflepuff. He cursed the damned hat and sat with a forced smirk as he heard it bellow his future within seconds.
That was years ago, though. Surely he would have forgotten about you by his fourth year, right? He was almost certain that would be the case when he heard the dreadful news of your placement, but his boyish heart was disappointed time and time again. As the years went on, it seems you were proving to be wise beyond your years. The two of you shared many classes because of it, forcing him into your close proximity more often than necessary. It was terrible for his health, truly.
He absolutely loathed the thought of it โ of liking you. Ofย desiringย you. Surely he had to be dying, because there was no way he would admit to having a juvenile crush on the Hufflepuff he met in his first year. It was a waste of time, a blemish on his otherwise spotless marks. Really โ he was top of his class (though probably second to Hermione), son to two of the most powerful names in wizardkind, Slytherinโs seeker, Potterโs number one bully, and a general heartthrob. He was well aware of the way the girls in his common room would eye him โ once or twice he tried to indulge, to distract himself, and yet his mind kept coming toย you. To the way your eyes sparkled in herbology, or the tender face of concentration displayed in potions. It was in these moments you were quietest, and likely also when he noticed you best. But he liked to observe you during your loud moments, too. Sometimes heโd hover near your group of friends on a Hogsmeade weekend, acting as though he was in need of Honeydukes sugar when, in reality, he desired to hear your bittersweet laugh as another told you some dumb joke. Oftentimes heโd watch you in the Great Hall, absorbed in the way you would knock your head back in fits of laughter and fill the air with words when you were too afraid to stomach the quiet. He was a people watcher in nature, which is what he would say to justify his staring when prompted by Crabbe and Goyleโs incessant nosiness. He was simply scanning for blackmail, as a wise businessman always does.
Really, he just thought you were pretty.
He thought you were especially pretty in the candlelight of the Great Hall as the Triwizard Tournament was announced. He was intrigued, yes, but not so much by the idea of other schools joining the chaos of Hogwarts. No, he was curious to see whyย youย were so excited, especially considering only six- and seventh-year students could participate.
Luckily for him, he soon learned of the source of your great fervor and zeal. There was to be aย dance.
Alas, as news of the Yule Ball fluttered through every one of Hogwartsโ vast hallways, Draco Malfoy suffered a miniscule heart attack at the thought of another man taking you.
Beautiful you, in your Hufflepuff yellow and shimmering skin.
It was foolish to dream of taking a Hufflepuff to the Yule Ball as a Malfoy. He was, of course, expected to make an appearance which clarified the place of pureblood wizards in society. He was to arrive in elegance and fashion with a brilliant, wealthy Slytherin witch clinging to his arm as if he was her prized trophy. He was to smile only when absolutely necessary, and never by choice. He was to make his date shimmer and bring his family name honor. That alone was his role in the whole affair โ the family โbreadwinner,โ so to speak. The beloved Malfoy heir, following in his fatherโs distinguished footsteps.
And yet, he found himself picturing you in stunning shades of pink which heโd never seen, hair falling gently against thin shoulders and bangs perfectly framing your face. He shivered at the thought of those bright eyes of yours shimmering beneath the candlelight for another beholder.
It was simply too much. Draco, in his infinite wisdom, felt that he had two options: somehow find a way to justify taking a half-blooded Hufflepuff with no inherent wealth or name to the Yule Ball (a once-in-a-lifetime event and a great opportunity for marketing), or simply pass away. Somehow Draco found himself leaning towards the latter option.
The fact of the matter was that it was damn near impossible to make it work. On the most rudimentary level of inappropriateness, you were a Hufflepuff. That alone should have been a done deal for the Malfoy heir. To make matters worse, though, which you seemed to be incredibly efficient at doing, you were a half-blooded nobody in the wizarding world โ possibly lower than the Weasleys, though he didnโt speak to you enough to know exactly where your family stood economically. Then there was the bain of his existence: you certainly were nothing short of beautiful. Your splendor was enough to lure him, Draco Malfoy, in with one small interaction over a trolley cartย yearsย ago. Surely, then, he was completely at odds with taking you to the Yule Ball. It was only a matter of time until one of your dearest Gryffindor friends plucked up their famed courage and asked the most vibrant, ebullient witch he had ever encountered to the ball in his stead (albeit unknowingly).
And yet he wanted you so tangibly. His feelings were so irritatingly real, so persistent and unbending. It was the most foolish vestige heโd ever embarked on, this unspoken journey of wanting you on a level so unnecessarily profound that it physically hurt. He had never been one for affection, and yet he yearned for your touch as if he were an addict starved. It was a dangerous game, the thought of fueling the fire of his aching desire. He knew if he didnโt act soon his juvenile crush would turn into an all-consuming obsession, and heโd hate to ruin what little opportunity he had with you by being a borderline creep. After all, he already had so few friends.
A month passed before Draco found an opening to speaking to you about the Yule Ball. Of course, it wasnโt an ideal opening โ he had been paired with you during potions and he had to force himself not to blow his potion up in his own face with how terribly in love he was โ but a desperate man was not one to turn down an offer. He feigned an air of nonchalance as he plopped down beside you, praying to whoever would listen first that you didnโt notice the red tint of his ears (and even if you did, really, heโd just say itโs rosacea, because how would you know any better?).
Professor Snape had given each student a random partner, but the Slytherin was convinced that his guiding professor may have still been holding a vendetta against him for some dumb comment he must have made at some dumb point in the middle of his very dumb class. It was all ratherโฆ cretinous. Treacherous, too, that Snape would force him to endure such torture when he was meant to be his mentor. If only it werenโt a matter of Dracoโs heart โ otherwise, his father would certainly be hearing about this. Paired with aย Hufflepuff. A Hufflepuff with pretty eyes, and a laugh like falling rainโฆ
You looked at him with a quaint smile, moving your materials to make room for his egotistical presence. โHello, Draco. Itโs nice to see you.โ
He wanted to do a bunch of really stupid things then, like kiss you or scream or run away. He settled for an uncharacteristically soft, โGood morning,โ and focused further on Professor Snapeโs dreadful monologue. They were to brew a simple Wiggenweld Potion, he said. As he droned on about the beauty of a simmering pot, Draco felt his body tense at the feeling of warm eyes drifting along his torso. He glanced over at you, sending your eyes fleeting and filling your cheeks with a lovely shade of red.
It was then that the Malfoy heir, in his extensive wit and endless wisdom, realized that the challenge of the day would not be completing the potion, or even discussing the Yule Ball and learning of your many possible suitors โ no, the most difficult thing he would do today would be surviving this class with the girl heโs been pining after like an idiot for four terribly long years. Didnโt fate have a funny way of working like that? You were all he wanted, and yet he didnโt think he could survive being near you without accidentally confessing or telling you he hated you (a foul, dirty lie).
You worked quietly beside him, preparing ingredients as necessary. Draco was grateful for the bone you seemed to have tossed, thankful for the quiet opportunity to bathe in your presence and gather his thoughts. In the most miniscule of ways, it thrilled him to see the way the two of you worked perfectly in tandem, as if you were merely one lowly, dedicated being. It was a unity outside of his realm of understanding, and he marveled at the feeling it provided.
Of course, he should have remembered that the object of his adoration had a terribly difficult time staying quiet for long. Just as Draco had begun a mental catalogue of the feeling of your air in his presence, you opened your mouth to lead him astray. โSo, Draco,โ you started, addressing him as if he hadnโt always clung to your every word, โdo you have any plans for the Yule Ball yet?โ
The boy found his wisdom falling short. He simply didnโt know how to respond โ tell you he planned on dying because he simply canโt bear the thought of you with another? No, thatโd be far too cliche. Be caught speaking with a Hufflepuff on terms out of the realm of decidedly necessary? Why, his father would have a fit! But to ignore you would be simply horrible, even for someone of his descendance. Any Hufflepuff could be deemed easily ignorable by a Malfoy (especially one below pure-blood status), but you captivated him in a way which was wholly incomprehensible and excruciatingly aggravating andย exactlyย what he needed to wreck his plans. Before he could stop himself (and, more accurately, before he could scare you off), he found himself answering in earnest: โI havenโt a partner yet, no. Iโm not sure itโll be much of a good time. And you?โ
Your eyes sparkled, likely due to the shock of his response, and he found himself biting his lip until he tasted blood to hold back from smiling. He turned his attention back to the textbook but listened intently. โNot yet, no,โ you sighed. โI was asked twice, but I declined.โ
Really?
โReally? Whatever for? Certainly itโs much better to attend the ball with a partner than alone.โ
โWell, yes,โ you sighed, โbut Iโm waiting for a particular person to ask me. I doubt he ever will though. Iโd rather go alone than have to pretend my heart is truly in it.โ
The Slytherinโs heart sank, but his face remained unshaken. It was foolish to have hoped for anything more, of course. Draco knew this would occur โ you were simply too bright to waste your time with someone as dull as himself. Your radiance would be drained by his shadows, and you deserved someone who added fire to the flame rather than taming it. Letting you go would be the selfless thing to do.
Draco Malfoy was a selfish man.
He never spoke to you again โ not unless strictly necessary, of course โ but the gray in his eyes still tracked you in passing, filing each stolen glance into the mental notebook he dedicated to dreaming of you. Every moment his friends spent discussing their current fascinations he spent longing to be rid of the horrid feelings he harbored for you and you alone. Four years of being surrounded by intelligent Slytherin witches with money and values, ladies his mother would approve of, and all he could be bothered to think of was you. You were a disease, and he simply loved being ill. It was almost poetic, in a twisted way.
The Yule Ball came around as he knew it would, and Draco Malfoy found himself with a date. He was to attend the ball with Pansy Parkinson out of sheer convenience. Pansy, a dear friend of his since childhood, may have been infatuated with him. If she was, he was terribly uninterested. However, he knew she was simple, pleasing in his motherโs eyes, and easy to lose in a crowd. It was the convenient choice, if not the most merciful. There was no one he had wanted less than Pansy Parkinson, yet the one he wanted was likely already betrothed or signed away. Quite frankly, it wouldnโt have been a horrid idea for the Malfoyโs son to end up with Pansy if one disregarded his strong distaste for the girlโs entire existence. If she stood at least ten feet away and kept her mouth shut, however, she was awfully good company โ at least, thatโs how Draco saw it.
Though he dreaded the Yule Ball, a quiet, more desperate part of his soul ached to see if your ensemble matched what he had pictured countless times. Surely enough, he watched you enter the Great Hall on the arm of a man he had never seen โ certainly a gentleman from Durmstrang โ dressed in silks which reflected the gentle blush on your face. Though your body was attached to him, your eyes found Dracoโs in an instant. A soft, almost melancholy smile appeared on your face, disappearing just as fast. Draco felt heavy bile rise in his throat as he watched the man place his hands on your waist, pulling you into a waltz.
All nonchalance fled from the sick manโs body at the terrible sight, leaving him nearly fuming. By this point he had already slipped away from Pansy and had nothing to remind him to cling to what he knew. Years of training, of reprimands, of hazy introductions fled as Draco forced himself to take three deep breaths.
He had two options: one, walk across the cavernous Great Hall and ask you, a lowly Hufflepuff with the most beautiful eyes and glimmering skin, to dance; or, two, die on the spot and pray he makes it to Heaven afterall. There no longer was an option to sit back and watch. After three more deep breaths, the pride and joy of the Malfoy name made his descent into disappointment. His steps felt heavy, each breath feeling more labored than the last. He had no idea what he was doing โ he hadnโt even rehearsed! And yet, his body moved on its own to where you stood, dress hugging your frame just enough to tease and face lifting in confusion at the sight of the blonde Slytherinโs panicked concentration.
Your smile was calculated, questioning. โHi, Draco,โ you began, but your words were cut off by a cold, palmy hand grabbing yours.
โForgive my lack of manners,โ he stumbled, โbut I donโt know what Iโm doing. Will you spare me a dance?โ
He looks at you, eyes pleading with a taste of reckless abandon. He is a sight one can only dream of seeing โ eyes wide, the sincere gray covered by blown-out pupils; face flushed, hands clammy in hesitation. He knew he likely looked like a madman, and promised himself he would find the time later in the evening to critique his every poor decision which led him to choose the senseless road on his split pathway (which, he was quickly learning he had a penchant for doing). For now, though, he focused on the widening of your focused pupils as they traveled across his warm body. โOf course,โ you finally answered, albeit a bit breathless.
Despite knowing the two of you had dates to attend to, his hand found your waist as he had dreamt of doing all too frequently and his other joined yours in the air. As the music began, you stepped together immediately despite his fumbled brain and your lack of air. His eyes met yours in a gaze dripping in intensity and poorly concealed desire. โIโโ he started, stumbling like a fool. โI donโt know what Iโm doing.โ
The confession was shocking and rather unwarranted. โYou seem to be a great dancer to me,โ you offered calmly. Which, of course you did โ itโs just who you are.
โNo, no,โ he sighed in frustration. โI justโ I have a date. Iโm expected to dance with a Slytherin. I justโฆ something just came over me, seeing you withย him. And I know itโs unbecoming of me to come in here and ruin your nightโโ
โYou arenโt ruining anythingโโ
โโ and garnish my familyโs hard-earned reputation, but I canโt stop thinking of you! I havenโt for years.โ
Your movements slowed, eyes a dull sparkle. Draco felt as though he had been punched in the gut. โWhat?โ you asked, sounding small.
Another sigh escaped his lips as a desperate attempt to get the earth to swallow him whole. His father had always taught him, though, to finish a fight he started. In order to keep any remaining respect he still had โ after all, he was incredibly aware of the whispers around them which were cast at his back like daggers โ he finished his mournful confession. โI donโt understand it. It isnโt me, to care like this. Youโre nothing like me and you hold none of the same standards as I am expected to. And yet, something about you fascinates me. I just canโt figure it out, and it drives me mad. And seeing him here, holding you, looking into your eyes which I know so well, itโฆ it was maddening, too. My father would never approve of this. Butโฆโ
Your eyes met again, though this time they appeared brighter. You pulled yourself closer into his embrace and danced despite yourself. โIt doesnโt have to make sense, Malfoy. Just dance with me.โ
He knew when his father heard about this, he would receive living hell. He knew, also in his infinite wisdom, that he may never see a chance such as this again. So, Draco Malfoy, juvenile and (maybe) dying, danced. And when you took him by the hand to sit beneath the stars, he allowed himself to follow blindly. He listened eagerly like a thirsty dog, licking at every bit of information you would provide on your life to add to his catalogue. When you stole a tender kiss, he pretended not to like it (and he mostย certainlyย didnโt enjoy the second one he stole in tandem).
Draco Malfoy was not dying, nor was he all that sick. He especially wasnโt a dancer. He was, however, a selfish and juvenile man, and you were a beautiful witch with a heart brighter than the sun and, for once, he found himself enjoying the sweet taste of indulgence.
Warnings: major character death, heartbreaking angst and slight sexual themes.
Summary: you loved Natalie more than anything, until your dying breath.
Notes: this one is a sad one so be prepared. ngl i cried while writing this.
not spell checked!
first loves always came and went. at least that is what you had heard since your were a kid. truthfully you had never cared much when your mom said that, even when you were fifteen and you were at the age in which most fell in love for the first time. you'd never cared to listen because you weren't in love. you couldn't understand when she would tell you that your first love will be painful and it will probably make you want to never fall in love again but you would. you never understood it.
until you met Natalie Scatorccio. it had been love at first sight. it was cliche and sounded stupid to anyone else but you didn't expect anyone to understand.
you had tried out for the soccer team per your fathers request. you weren't really interested in it but he was a man that loved sports and you were an only child so he didn't have a son to share his passion with. he didn't force you, simply suggested that it would be fun. even if you weren't the greatest or knew much about it, he insisted that you were on the track team and that you would make new friends and memories that would last you a lifetime. maybe he was right about one thing. you were sure Natalie would be engraved into your memory until your dying breath.
she hadn't paid much attention to you at first, you guys weren't in the same social class so she figured you'd be snobby and bitchy. that was until coach Ben had paired her up with you to help you on some of the skills you were lacking. that had been the first time you had talked, the first time you weren't left admiring her beauty. she was nice. or indifferent, mostly. she knew you hung out with the 'popular' kids and that your parents were rich and she didn't want to tension to form on the team so she figured being quiet would be easier to deal with you.
that was the case at first. until the girls on the team started to hang out outside of practice. Jackie said it was to make you guys bond but you would've loved to be around them regardless. you were closer to Lottie and Jackie, both closer to your social status which meant you shared a lot of friends. you had thrown a party one October night and invited all of the girls on the team. all of them had gone except for Misty, you weren't the biggest fan of her and you assumed she felt the same about you considering you had caught her sending glares at you more than once during or after practice. sometimes even in the hallways which really weirded you out. you'd never been mean to her or said anything, really. whatever her deal was, you didn't care to investigate.
that night you had gotten drunk and got a little too bold. more so then you were used to. you had kissed people before during parties or even got close to hooking up but you'd always stop, not really wanting to give up your virginity to some loser or a girl that probably had a boyfriend and would ditch you the next day. but Natalie wasn't one of those girls. she didn't have a boyfriend, she wouldn't ditch you the next morning or act as if she were straight and you had somehow forced her to do something. she was Natalie.
it was two in the morning when the party was over and you felt her lips all over your body. you weren't that drunk, your thoughts and sentences were coherent. you didn't want to drink much because you had a game the next day and didn't want to slack off. Natalie seemed to have felt the same. you could taste some vodka on her but she seemed pretty sober to you. aside from the alcohol you weren't sure if she had gotten high or something but that didn't really bug you. her wandering hands were making your thighs squeeze together along with her wet lips. she left a couple hickeys on your neck but nothing you couldn't cover the next morning with some makeup.
her hands were everywhere, gripping all over and discarding all of your clothes until you were only left in your underwear. you'd never forget the look in her eyes. it wasn't just lust or hunger, there was a glimmer of something else but a part of you thought you were just imagining it. in a way it was just to make yourself believe that there was a chance. that night before things could progress any further you had told her it was your first time. a part of you expected her to feel awkward and pull away, leaving you there nude and chest heaving. she didn't. she kissed you softly, unlike all of her other kisses and asked you if you were sure. you answered by pulling her into a deep kiss.
Natalie had been the one to make you feel that bliss for the first time. she had been the one to take that part of you and you had no regrets. it didn't matter that she wasn't there when you woke up or that she would kiss you before or after practice once you were alone. it didn't matter that she'd sneak into your room at night to fuck then leave before you had awaken. it didn't matter that she didn't love you because at least you had her. in sone fucked up way you had her. you knew you were the only person she was hooking up with, she had confirmed that early one when you asked about stds and if you should get checked. that made you feel ecstatic, knowing she only ever came to you.
sweat stuck to your body as if you had just gotten out of the shower. your hair was messy and tangled and you could feel your body growing sore from the aftershock of what had just happened. her hand was holding yours tightly from under the sheets and it was probably as sore as your body from every time you'd squeeze it a little too tight. it was silent apart from your ragged breath. your chest was falling and rising heavily and the blankets were making your body feel overheated.
then Natalie popped out from underneath the blankets with a small smirk as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. it was a sight your sure you'd never get tired of. when she was at your level, you could see her bare chest and her hair was almost as frazzled as yours from when you had tangled your hands in it. the cocky smirk she was wearing made you roll your eyes and softly punch her shoulder.
"shut up," you said, a blush coating your cheeks. your face was already pink from the intercourse but even then, your blushing was more than obvious and it made Natalie stop for a second.
"i didn't do anything," she chuckled holding her hands up. you rolled your eyes while pulling the cover further up your body.
"you didn't have to," you responded. "i know what your thinking."
the blondes eyebrow rose in question and she held herself up with one hand, looking down at you. some of her hair fell down her face and you could feel it softly tickle your face so you reached up and tucked it under her ear. the action earned a small, almost ghosting smile on the blondes lips that if you weren't looking, you would have missed. "what am i thinking?" the blonde questioned in a murmur. it was the tone she'd use to try and get you to bed, the tone she'd use when she had hand down your pants or when she would want to leave you hot and bothered. the tone that made you realize she wanted more. "how hot you are after cumming on my tongue?"
almost immediately you felt your face warm up, "shut up." you whispered, very obviously embarrassed. Natalie chuckled softly and you leaned up to kiss her softly. it was always that way with you, her kisses were almost always rough and fast, filled with passion and lust while yours were slow and loving. it was something she couldn't stand, something that always made her run away.
much like she did that night. Natalie pulled away from your a second after and got up and off the bed although faster then you could open your eyes. it wasn't unusual and yet somehow it still surprised you. it was pathetic and almost comical how you'd always be left in shock, processing the way she had just made you feel euphoric and then miserable in the matter of literal seconds.
when you did open your eyes, you were met with sight of her pulling her jeans up. her bra was on by then and you could see that she had fixed her hair. and like always, you stupidly asked the same thing you always did, "want to stay? my parents won't be home for a while and i can drive you home tomorrow." you said, hope filled in your tone. hope that meant nothing, hope that broke your heart, the same hope that had no room in you after so many rejections.
Natalie shook her head as she reached for her shirt, "cant." she said simply. as if it were the most indifferent thing, as if it mattered less than a penny on the street. because you didn't matter, not really. you were someone who she had fun with, the girl that would let her do anything she wanted whenever she wanted. it didn't matter if it was two in the morning or the middle of third period, you'd wake up or sneak out of class just for her. even if you were exhausted or taking a test. she was more important then anything and everything.
you were fun and adventurous and liked to do new things. not to mention the fact that you were pretty and had a nice car and almost always had weed, all things Natalie loved. the only things she ever really noticed. she never saw the way your eyes would always find hers in the middle of a crowded room, never saw the way youd always defend her name with your friends that she'd call snobby. never noticed what your favorite song was or the fact that you loved romcoms because they showed the love you craved. never noticed what your favorite flowers were or that you scrunched your nose when you thought something was adorable. she never cared to notice that you loved her.
it wasn't new and it shouldn't hurt by how many times she had done it and yet it still did. it still left your chest tightening and your throat burning as it would when you'd silent your sobs. it left your eyes burning as if you were having a staring contest with someone and desperately needed to blank. it still left that dread in your stomach, the one you'd feel before getting the results of a test and the one that would leave you feeling sick.
when she was fully dressed, neither of you said a word. she didn't have anything to say while you were trying to keep any emotion a secret. you didn't bother trying to promise yourself that this was just her hiding her feelings, that this was her too afraid to love you back. they were so overused they did more hurt then comfort.
your eyes never left her, not when she turned toward you fully dressed and said, "see you." before leaving without another word or a glance back. when your door closed behind her, it all came pouring out. there was no more hiding it, no more keeping your emotions at bay. you just weren't strong enough for that anymore.
a week after that night, all of your lives changed for the worst.
the plane fell on your way to nationals. what was supposed to be a quick plane ride turned into all of your being stranded in a forest with no hope of being found. at first most of you did but as the days went on all of you started to lose hope progressively. you tried to keep a positive mind but it failed you. there was no point in having hope when you'd just get let down. you didn't have any major injuries, just a couple scratches but nothing that wouldn't heal with time. three days into being stranded Taissa found a lake which followed to finding a cabin. it was nice. at least nicer than having to sleep outside with all sorts of animals.
a lot had changed. most of your relationships had at least. you grew closer to Shauna and Taissa during the short time you'd been there. you half expected to get closer to Natalie and maybe free the reigns she felt from being able to call you guys official. you hoped that without prying eyes and the need to conform to social status that maybe she could take your relationship seriously. you were wrong. so incredibly wrong and it hurt. instead of getting closer to you she was getting closer to Travis. of course she would choose him over you, it wasn't even surprising at that point.
she chose a random guy she had just met to grow feelings for rather than you. the person who had been there everyday. the person who would welcome her with open arms or needed a quick fuck in the middle of the night. you had been there as much as she allowed you to be but of course that still wasn't enough.
the night sky was littered with lights as the full moon reflected on the water. Natalie stood behind you with her arms wrapped around your waist. there were still times in which she would show you affection, mostly when she was angry at Travis or the other way around and this was one of those times. you knew it was toxic and that it was only hurting you but somehow you couldn't stop yourself. having her even just in these small moments was enough. she could never be yours but she was yours, just for that moment. maybe that could be enough.
her lips were being pressed against your neck, her hands softly caressing at your hips making you smile softly. you turned your body around so you could face her completely, your hands finding the back of her neck so you could pull her into a soft kiss.
even if you knew she'd ignore you tomorrow morning, even if you knew that she'd go back to pining over Travis as if he put the stars in the sky for her. even if you'd end up with a broken heart because at least you'd have small moments like these engraved in your memories.
the post orgasm haze was still present and Natalie was aware of that so she placed her hands on the back of your thighs which made you wrap your legs around her waist and let her carry you. her lips were hungry and hot. your lips were grazing her teeth and you could feel a bruise forming, her hands were under your buttocks to keep you from falling and her grasp was strong and rough. everything always was with her, she'd leave marks on you, ones you couldn't cover because of how dark they were or she'd leave bruises on your body. never unwanted and the pain always made you climax faster. but they were marks, ones that came from her and you hated them. what at first made you blush when you'd look at them turned into a sick feeling forming in your stomach and your chest compressing. they weren't anything to be proud of because at the end of the day, she'd never let you leave even a scratch on her.
your body was spent but when she reached down to press her fingers against you, you didn't stop her. a moan left your lips but it was swallowed by her eager lips. the feeling of it all was too much and it made you grip the back of her neck tightly. when she pulled away, it wasn't far. her lips met your neck where they began to leave wet kisses before it turned into sucking and biting. "fuck Nat," you moaned. that made her proud and you could almost feel her smirk against your skin.
maybe you should have realized that you made her feel good. before duringย and after sex, you made her feel good. while she only gave you two out of three, she'd always have the advantage of knowing that you were hers while you could only have her when she was horny.
then she began to put more pressure which elicited a small gasp from you. "your doing so good," she praised softly against your neck. those words always made the hairs on your skin to rise and a wave of pleasure to corse through you. all things she knew and always took advantage of.
those words seemed to click something in you. what would once make you quiver made everything click. you were good, good to her. she liked that. she knew how you felt. it was obvious to anyone with eyes. when you'd ask her to spend the night, when you'd listen to the same music she did so you could talk about something, when you'd bring in an extra snack so she had something to eat before practice. the way you would smile at her in the hallways and how all of the sudden no one talked shit to her.
all of those thoughts made you each your breaking point. the pleasure turned numb and all you could focus on was the way tears began to fall and a sob was going to escape your throat. the feelings you had been keeping inside for so long were slowly seeping through the cracks of the border you made around your heart. every memory, every word she had said to make that wall grow higher and higher was starting to launch against it like a bomb. she had been the one to bring those walls up so high and she'd be the one to break them.
Natalie noticed right away. she felt a tear drop against her shoulder and your chest stuttered against her own. when she pulled away from your neck, her eyes met your teary ones and she stopped instantly. "what's wrong? did i hurt you?" she asked worriedly. her brows were pinched together and you could see the way her lips were pulled into a small frown. she was worried and she cared for you. in that moment at least.
yes, you wanted to say. 'you hurt me' was all you could think but you couldn't say it. maybe she hadn't meant to hurt you, maybe she never realized how you felt about her. all things you so badly wanted to believe so you could stop the horrible feeling in your chest. but you shook your head and a cry left your lips. Natalie reached up to wipe away your tears and in that moment, her touch was so soft and loving that maybe things could change. maybe she could feel the same.
maybe she was just scared to admit how she felt or to get attached so she did what everyone always did, pull away from the person you love. and so the words left your lips like acid, as if they burned so terribly she couldn't bare even touching you. "i love you."
they were said. the words you had thought about for so long were finally in the air and they had been heard by her. there was no more hiding, no more keeping your feelings a secret. there was nothing that could unsay those words and nothing that could make her unhear them. for a second you almost thought she hadn't heard you by her lack of reaction but when she pulled away from you and your body almost fell if it weren't for you quick reaction, you knew.
even in the darkness you could see the way her face flashed in disgust and the way all and any trace of worry evaporated. nothing but confusion and disgust was present.
nothing could explain how desperately you wished to take those words back in that moment.
"what?" she said almost laughing. it was a fleeting moment, a moment in which she almost thought you were joking but then she realized how hurt you looked and that thought vanished.
"Natalie-" you took a step toward but she immediately took one back, as if you'd kill her if she didn't. the action intensified the already burning sensation in your throat and the lack of oxygen in your lungs. it burned to breathe, it hurt to blink and to even think.
"why would you do that?" she shook her head, confusion written all over her features.
"do what?" you asked, just as confused.
Natalie shook her head once more and her eyes broke away from yours, "why would you say that?"
her words didn't make the confusion go away, "because i mean it." you responded quickly. because you couldn't keep it a secret anymore and because you almost thought she'd say it back.
Natalie turned away from you, her back toward you. more tears fell at her actions and you wanted to wrap your arms around her but you didn't, unsure if she'd react badly. "fuck." the blonde almost screamed but she was still loud and her tone was harsh.
"how do i not love you?" you pressed, "i let you see me in way no one else has. i've spent almost every night with you for the past four months. you are fucking amazing and if you could just see that-"
"stop!" Natalie exclaimed and finally turned around. "stop saying that, stop talking." she snapped.
that hurt like a bullet. it hurt more than anything ever had and all you could feel were more tears fall. the pain was unexplainable, indescribable. it was a cliche almost because it truly felt like someone had held a gun up to your chest and didn't stop shooting until the clip was empty. not to mention the lump in your throat that burned, especially the way in which you were trying to silent your sobs.
the blonde ran her hands down her face roughly, "this was just sex," she said motioning between you and her. "i told you that from the beginning."
her words made a laugh ripple from your throat, "are you serious?" disbelief was present in your voice. "how do i stop myself from falling Natalie? do you want me to just turn off my emotions? to numb myself from any feelings? because i fucking cant! i cant just act like sex meanings nothing! as if being intimate with you doesn't mean anything!" you yelled, careless to if anyone could hear. because in your mind it was just you and her. in that moment no one else existed and you weren't stranded in the woods, you were simply standing in front of the girl you loved most and the girl who would break you heart completely.
Natalie's face didn't change. there was still nothing but anger present on her features, "if i could do it. so could you." the blonde said finally. and that was it. that was the final bullet the blonde needed to completely break the dam and all the water to rush out. every single emotion to pour out uncontrollably and infinitely.
there was nothing left to say. there was nothing you could say. nothing that would make her love you or take back the words that she just been said. she didn't love you. that was obvious and if it weren't for that stupid hope you always carried, you wouldn't have been blinded into believing she could feel it when you admitted the words out loud.
every interaction, every time you had sex, every time in which she'd ignore the hope in your tone when you'd ask her to stay or every time you'd look at her hurt when she'd smile at Travis. they were all moments in which she was practically screaming at you to let her go but you so stupidly believed she just didn't want to get hurt. how naive can a human be when in love.
finally, you pulled yourself together as much as you could and pried your teary eyes away from her. with the back of your hand, you roughly wiped the tears away as you began to walk past the blonde and toward the direction in which your clothes were. as soon as you knew she was too far to hear you, every emotion broke loose. your sobs racked your body making it shake and you closed your mouth tightly to prevent the noise from being too loud. you didn't care to wipe at your tears and you let yourself finally feel everything you so desperately needed to months ago.
leaving with Taissa and the couple of girls wasn't a hard decision. you wanted out of there, you wanted to go back home and simply never see any of them again. you couldn't anymore, you just couldn't. Taissa had a plan, to walk in one direction until you reached something, anything and even though a lot of people were against it, they couldn't exactly argue with her logic. you weren't the only one who wanted to go with Tai, so did Mari, Akhilah, Van and Misty at the last minute. everyone going for the same reason, not being able to wait another moment for help.
you couldn't just sit there with everyone, hoping that someone would find you because the chances were that no one would. if they could, they would've already done it. you were sure your parents thought you had died, wasn't hard to think that. you'd think the same if you were in their position. at first you didn't want them to stop looking, you wanted them to try and try until they searched every possible place but slowly, as the days passed you realized that they deserved happiness. they deserved peace and if they had given up, you couldn't blame them. accepting having lost someone was sometimes easier then thinking what if. you just hoped they'd be able to move on at some point, most likely not soon but at some point at the very least.
Natalie didn't say goodbye. it wasn't surprising. she had asked, no, begged Travis not to go though. you had heard their conversation while packing your own things and suddenly the decision to go didn't sound so bad. at least you wouldn't have to see their longing gaze, see them come back from hunting with love sick smiles and you wouldn't have to endure Natalie avoiding you as if even looking in your direction would kill her.
as expected, she simply ignored you after that night in the lake. what was once her dragging you away in the middle of the night turned into silence. sometimes she'd hold your hand until you fell asleep because she knew how hard it was for you to do so. now you held your own hand, whispered to yourself that you were okay and the panic attack you were enduring would go away.
when you hugged Lottie, Shauna and Jackie goodbye, the blonde didn't step up once. she stood back and watched. watched as they held you with fear and desperation. they hugged you so tightly, it almost crushed your ribs. they found the small comment quite funny, even through their tears when you said it. then it was time to leave and the only thing you got was her eyes meeting yours for less then a second before you turned around and left.
things were complicated with Taissa and the group, the compass stopped working and there was some blood river that apparently Lottie had dreamed of. and then you ran into an obstacle. a huge one at that. after walking for so long all of you needed a break so you stopped at a certain place in which Tiassa deemed best. one of them started a fire, you were too exhausted to remember who and when your eyes closed.. well everything turned for the worst.
wolves were something youโd see on tv, something you never thought youโd see up close but then again, there were a lot of things you didnโt think youโd do and you had to in the forest. that included shoving Vanessa Palmer out of the way so youโd get the worst of a bite. if only you had known that sheโd get it pretty bad anyway. just not as bad as you.
all you could feel was pain. pain, pain, pain. everywhere, on your bloody leg, your bloody arm and it ran through your whole body. what could you do? what were you going to do? you didnโt know. death seemed inevitable in that moment, death seemed like the only answer, like the easier answer. suddenly death sounded peaceful, it soundedโฆ like home.
but neither of the girls were going to leave you behind, even when you begged, even when you cried that it hurt, even when you passed out from the pain. why? because you were y/n l/n, the girl who would make them all laugh even after a bad game, the one who always worked with the team and never showed off or gloated, the one who saved Vanessa Palmer from being burned to death. so it didnโt matter how much you fought, how much you insulted them for not being smart and simply leaving you. none of it mattered because it would mean leaving you to die and they could never do that.
it was hard. so fucking hard. Van had a gash on her face but it wasnโt anything too bad, just enough for her to bleed through the cloth wrapped around her head. she and Taissa were the ones helping you, each of them having one of your arms wrapped around their necks. it was easier to walk at first, maybe it was the adrenaline or the fact that you still had blood in you. but as the sun set and you dragged your leg for miles, that blood kept gushing, that blood kept leaving your body until you were left sickly pale and your eyes could barely stay open.
death was inevitable. your born knowing youโd die, itโs the cycle of life. but dying at eighteen wasnโt part of that cycle, it wasnโt supposed to happen. kids are supposed to burry their parents, not the other way around. everyone wakes up knowing they could die that day but you never think it to be true. just like you didnโt think that would be the day youโd die.
but what if dying is the easy way out? what if dying then is easier then dying months from then when your traumatized and starved. what if dying them is easier when you still have the memory of your parents features and voice clear in your mind. what if dying then.. is the only way out. then maybe it wouldnโt be so bad. your parents wouldnโt have to bury you and maybe just maybe, if the girls are ever found, they would have already mourned you and knowing of your death wouldnโt hurt so badly.
until you realized.. youโd be dying hating Natalie. youโd be dying with the words she said to Travis replaying in your head. youโd be dying with her last words being that you were pathetic for loving her. youโd be dying with a broken heart all while knowing the last time you kissed her was also the last time you loved her.
could you die like that? could you die not knowing what being loved felt like? could you die before you healed your first heartbreak? that wasnโt fair. how could that be fair? how could you die knowing youโd never be loved? knowing youโd never love someone and be loved unconditionally. youโd never have a fairytale love, the kind that brings you flowers and chocolates or dedicates a song to you. the kind of love that hurts because of how much you both love each other. equally.
at some point, you blacked out. you werenโt sure when it happened or how it even happened, it was probably the blood though. all you knew was that one second you could hear your name along with Van and Tais being called before your eyelids grew heavy and everything went black. then you were warm.. and there was a hand holding yours tightly. there were droplets hitting your skin and you could feel someoneโs face pressed up against your own as they sobbed loudly.
it was when you found the strength to wake up.
Natalie. it was Natalie who was holding you. her scent was unmistakably hers. it was always vanilla and cigarettes except this time there wasnโt much of the cigarettes but even then.. it was Natalie. your Natalie.
when your eyes lulled awake, she broke apart just a little so she could meet your eyes. โhey itโs okay. Mistyโs looking at your leg.โ she said. you knew. she knew too but her desperation wouldnโt let her see that. but you didnโt tell her that.
โguess i kind of lost to a wolf, huh?โ you tried to joke but your sentence wasnโt completed without a couple of coughs and wheezes.
Natalie tried to smile through her tears but you could see the pain behind her eyes. โi lied.โ she said quickly. you knew it then too. somehow you had each become a cliche, one you wished to never be. โi didnโt mean any of those things. i didnโt think i deserved you. your so amazing and kind and you make everyone feel safe and i didnโt deserve that. i donโt deserve you so i pushed you away because i knew iโd end up breaking you.โ she continued. her tears were falling desperately, they were one after another and you couldnโt help but reach up with your healthy hand and wipe them away. when you did, her hand held yours against her face. she felt so warm compared to your freezing touch and it felt so safe.
โi thought that pushing you away would be better, that youโd get over me and find someone worthy of you.โ she continued. you knew what was coming next. you knew what she would say and in a fucked up way, you couldnโt bring yourself to hear them. not like this and not then.
โdonโt.โ you shook your head. the color from your face was gone, leaving nothing but a pale and discolored shade. your warm and inviting eyes were slowly fading. your smile was weak and it wasnt the one that would make everyone around you smile with you.
Natalie shook her head, โi love you.โ she finally said. she said it. the words you had been wanting to hear for so long where finally said and you were dying. how was that fair? how could that ever be fair? why didnโt you deserve love? why couldnโt you have a love so beautiful that when you took your last breath, at least you knew you experienced that love once in your life.
it wasnโt supposed to be like that. she was supposed to say those words in the starlit night, with nothing but water around you and the intimacy of having her nude body pressed up against yours. you were supposed to kiss her until neither of you could breathe and you were supposed to whisper in her ear to prove just how much she loved you. your love was supposed to be meaningful, your love story deserved to be longer, to be sweeter, to last. it was supposed to be for the books.
instead your bleeding out in her arms with your last moment being her screaming at you that loving her was pathetic.
the words had been said and there was nothing left to do. nothing you could do but weakly pull her down so she could kiss you. what was always rushed and passionate kisses was a slow and weak one. your warm lips werenโt skilled and sensual, they were just another reminder of your ticking time. but that didnโt matter. not to you and not her. it would be the last kiss you shared, the last time sheโd feel you pour your love into it, the last time sheโd feel your hand caressing her face and the last time sheโd feel this.
when she pulled away, there were tears in your eyes too. you werenโt ready to die. every thought you had before was gone. you werenโt ready. you still wanted to hug your parents again, you wanted to go to college with the girl you loved, you wanted to have more time with Natalie and all of your friends. you werenโt ready to die but it was useless.
and for the last time ever, โi love you, too.โ you managed to weakly whisper. the heart that would beat so rapidly when you last said those words was slow and weak. she could barely feel a hum against your chest. how could she have been so selfish? why didnโt she enjoy the way your heart hammered against your chest when sheโd lay on it? after youโd have sex and youโd press your body against here? when you told her you loved her? why didnโt she memorize the rhythm of your heart? why why why?
it was time. you know it. it was getting hard to breathe and the more you tried, the more it hurt. with as much strength as you could muster, you whispered. โremember me, sometimes.โ they were lousy words but they were the only thing you wanted. even if it wasnโt always, you at least wanted to be remembered sometimes. maybe when she listened to Queen since it was the only artist you shared. maybe in lillieโs, like the ones you always had in your room. maybe when she looked at the sky or when she thinks the best thing to do is to push the person she loves away. youโll be the reminder to never take love for granted.
Natalie cried at your words, those words that left a whole in her heart, the words that would leave scars and wounds sheโd never be able to heal. โyouโll be the only thing iโll remember.โ she said back. her words made your lips curl just a tad.
then it happened. you took your final breath. your heart stopped breathing. your eyes were left lifeless and your touch slipped from her face. there was nothing left but your lifeless body in her own.
finally, everything she held in while you were with her was finally let out. her sobs were so loud and she didnโt care that everyone in the room could see. that everyone was silently watching with tears in their own eyes. she clutched your body so tightly against her chest, almost as if youโd move away. her cries were so loud they were like a howl on a full moon.
her body rocked with your lifeless body in her arms. crying, screaming, sobbing. her cries of pain were nothing short of heartbreaking. every fiber of her being hurt. she was in fucking agony.
she couldnโt accept it, she wouldnโt. her hand softly shook your face and when you didnโt react, she put you on the ground gently before she began to pump your chest with her hands. her tears kept running down her face and landing on your body as she continued to press against your chest in a steady rhythm. that stupid song in the back of her head. she was trying her fucking hardest. why wasnโt that enough? no one dared to say a thing, not even Travis who stood back and watched with tears in his eyes.
it didnโt matter how much she tried, you didnโt wake up. not after a minute, not after two and not after three. even when she begged, โplease come back.โ she whispered through her actions. until finally, she stopped. when she did, her shaky hands reached your face and she gently cradled it. she memorized every freckle, every eyelash, every little mark on your face. she memorized the way your lips felt under her fingertips and the color of your eyes. the eyes that would never look at her again. the eyes that she wouldnโt meet across the room, the eyes that wouldnโt look at her in pain, ever again. the eyes she ignored so many times. she felt so fucking stupid then.
but they werenโt your eyes. not anymore so she shakily closed them. when she did, she slowly buried her face in your chest. her arms holding you tightly as she cried softly. as she remembered your scent, as she felt your body in her arms for the last time ever.
Natalie Scatorccio was completely and utterly heartbroken.
you were dead. even when you werenโt ready to. but at least you loved her until your dying breath.
synopsis : what we were before, readers and caitlyn relationship before it all went downhill.
genre + wc : friends to strangers to lovers, hidden feelings, both are down bad for each other but they donโt want to ruin their friendship. (in this chapter) 1,7k wc
cw : english is not my first language, remember that, so sorry if any spelling mistakes! homophobia (if you squint), fluff in the beginning, angst, caitlyn pursuing her dream of being an idol in the industry, reader supporting her but not wanting to let go.
the story is set in the us then in south korea, no body/physical description of the reader, so reader is any race yall want her to be!
enjoy! @dmloae2025
It was on the kindergarten playground when you and Caitlyn practically became attached to the hip.
Wherever Caitlyn went you went.
And wherever you went she went.
It was almost like destiny, like some kind of miracle put you and Caitlyn here, on the same period of time, on the same planet, in the same universeโ like you both were meant to be.
During your childhood, you were kind of different though, thatโs when you bounded with her. You were often picked on, and Caitlyn being the hero she was, was the only one who helped you send those pricks off. And from then on, you never left each other.
Also being from the same neighborhood as her was not helping your case. You were always at hers, and it was really fun playing with all of her toys, you remember this one time, in elementary school,
โLetโs play house with the dolls, itโll be fun!โ She said with excitement in her voice searching for your favorite dolls. You could only comply but every time you both played there was never a dad and a mom, but only moms, you noticed, everyone noticed but nobody said anything because why would they? There was like this unspoken rule between the both of you,
ยซIn the doll world everything and anything can exist, anything and everything can happen, and all things that happen and exist in this world are normal!ยป
And indeed everything was normalโ so when in school, you had some silly projects and you decided to draw two moms, everyone would question, โUh! Why are there two moms?โ Or even โNo! Your drawing is wrong, youโre supposed to have a dadโ right hereโ. They would try to erase your masterpiece but you quickly pulled away saying, โIn my world anything and everything can happen, and everything is normalโ so having two moms, itโs normal!โ matter of factly. And since that day no one dared to say anything about it to you, not that Caitlyn was right here, threatening them.
Middle school soon arrived, with Highschool on its back.
Caitlyn never wanted to become an idol to be honest,
It all started with figure ice skating, she flowed onto the field, she and the ice made one. All of her mouvement were calculated, she was graceful as a swan. And there was where she belonged.
So in the field she was, it always fascinated you, the way her body moved with elegance, luckily this passion of hers didnโt come in between the two of you, right? Until this one time.
This one evening night of endless sleepovers you were on her bed watching TV, one of your favorite groups finally released a comeback album, their MV was then playing in the background a few โWoow sheโs so pretty!โ And little squirms sent Caitlyn head jolting towards you, she got up from whatever she was doing questioning,
โWhat got you so worked up huh?โ
You ignored her still in your little world, then the TV turned black, thatโs when you turned your head groaning,
โUgh, why did you turn it off, my girlfriend was on the screen!โ
Throwing your head backwards, โGirlfriend? What are you on, itโs just a bunch of stupid people dancing, nothing extraordinaryโ she quickly said rolling her eyes,
What an odd reaction? Or was it?
Caitlyn always had a crush on you, but it all started into 3 different stages :
First, denial. When every other little girl had crushes on boys, and when she didnโt she thought that her standards were high, I mean she comes from a wealthy family why should she, Caitlyn Kiremman crush on anyone? But she still has this missing ache in her stomach that others described like butterflies, she always wondered what would it feel like to crush on someone for once. But she met you, and she finally had the famous butterflies in her stomach that everyone described, but no that couldnโt be, that wasnโt right, at all. You are her bestfriend for fuck sakeโs! So then came the..
โIโm crazy phaseโ, thoses stolen glances between the two of you or thoses lingering touches that sent shivers down her spine, suddenly her cheeks were hot, her breathing grew harder and then she knew that she was fucked. Because while you talked about all the drama that happened in school, between this and that and the โHave you heard about what happened? This cheated on that.โ But she only had eyes on you, to be fair you and she never talked about your sexuality, she always assumed you were straight because anytime she asked you about any crushes you would always respond simply.
โI donโt have time for all thisโ
except that one time watching TV,
โMy girlfriendโ.
But she never thought more of it. Why should she? Sheโs your best friend. She had to get a grip so thatโs why,
Finally, acceptance, the last stage, also when she firstly introduced you to this girl, Jennifer or whatever her name was, you hated her, why?
Because she took the only thing you had, which was your best friend that was also your crush, Jennifer was all Caitlyn talked about, and you had enough, because what?
How could she be this close to Caitlyn in this short period of time while you knew her since kindergarten. Was her next step was to date Caitlyn too?
You felt helpless, sad, jealous, everything combined, then this sadness turned into anger, and you started to ignore Caitlyn. You thought that itโll protect your peace, thinking that she was better off hanging out with Jennifer, and thatโs what you told yourself every time you felt guilty about it. It started with the unread messages and unresponded calls on your phone, Caitlyn wondered what she did wrong, she had you, her girlfriend that you couldnโt stand a bit and a successful ice skating career. Then she got angry as well, of everything, why wouldnโt you talk to her, why wouldnโt you answer her calls, why you stopped sitting next to her in class and why did you start avoiding her gaze in the school hallways.
So one time she took your wrist and led you in an empty classroom, you were groaning in pain, why was her grip so strong?
โDid I do anything wrong,โ she stated. โWhy do you keep ignoring me? Did I do anything wrong, tell me? Why did you stop answering your phone? You can talk to me Iโm literally your bestfriend!โ
She continued angrily, looking at you, brow knitted together. You didnโt know what to say, you werenโt prepared for this, words couldnโt even form, all was mixing together in your head, so you just looked at her, as if you were defeated. Then,
โI donโt want to talk to you right not.โ You uttered, avoiding her gaze once again.
โIs this about Jen? You know that Iโll never replace you right?โ She quickly said reaching for your hands, trying to give you reassurance. You looked in her eyes, gosh! those pretty eyes,
โIโm so sorry for ignoring you, I was scared, of everything, her taking my place. I really really like you Caitlyn. Iโm sorry for hurting you.โ You said, voice shaking with regret.
โI also thought both of you were a thing.โ You quickly added,
โFirst of all, she has a boyfriend, second of all you could just talked to me if anything, we tell each other everything, why would I judge you?โ She muttered taking you in a hug.
โIโm so dumb.โ You replied, voice muffled in her shoulder,
โYou are!โ She laughed.
After that, everything happened quickly, and before you knew it, it was already summer, which meant holidays. You were so excited, you had many plans with Caitlyn but it all came crashing down the moment she told you over the phone,
โโI got recruited in a new ice skating club, so I have to fly the country for tryouts. My plane is tonight.โ
Oh.
Oh!
Every little activity that you prepared, you even thought about revealing your feelings towards her. Came crashing down. Fuck!
โWhere, why, why didnโt you tell me earlier, Caitlyn? And so suddenly? Youโre literally flying out in less than two hours, you donโt even tell me goodbye properly! Ugh!โ
โArenโt you happy for me?โ
โYes I am, but Iโm surprised. Iโm so proud of you Caitlyn.โ
โIโm sorry, actually Iโm as surprised as you are that everything happened really fast you know.. I didnโt know any of it, my parents literally told me like, 30 minutes ago, thatโs why Iโm telling you now, youโre the first to know it too.โ
โI donโt care about that at all, where are you going? Are you coming back here any time soon?โ
โYeah, Iโm supposed to come back here, donโt you worry, Iโll be back before you know it, and besides we will talk trough phone? Right?โ
โYeah, yeah right! Itโll be fine, Iโll miss you though Caitlyn, we were supposed to do many things.โ
โIโm so sorry, Iโll make it up to you yeah?โ
โYou better!โ
The first week Caitlyn being away was fine, you talked every time on FaceTime telling each other what they were up to, her messages were regular, even with different time zones, everything was flowing perfectly.
Then it all stopped.
Her message progressively stopped. Maybe she was busy doing her thing on her side. Ice skating must take a lot of place in her mind. Sheโs doing it for her career. You should be happy, but you couldnโt help yourself from being the opposite. Why would you be happy when your best friend hardly replies and the only sources of information available are articles on the internet praising her amazing skillsโ or her social media platform that has gained a lot of followers.
You didnโt even have to talk it out with her. You already knew it, your friendship with Caitlyn is definitely dead.
You were now 21, in college, everything was turning out fine for you. New friends, new city, new everything but there was still this missing piece, Caitlyn.
Thatโs when you found yourself watching TV, there you saw it, this familiar face, same hair, same gaze, looked a little bit older and sexier, but she wasnโt in any figure skating gear. She was right here on a music stage.
a/n : okay so this took my literally 3 days to write I am so mad at myself, WRITING IS SO COMPLICATED UGH!!!! But I have another one shot draft thatโs 8k words but its so over the place, its also a caitlyn x reader but its like in the โa business proposalโ universe lmk if you want me to, re-read it, so i can feed you guys lollll!
Plot: Reader becomes jealous of Sylus and MC's closeness, distancing herself and seeking comfort in another LI. Sylus notices her growing distance and takes action. Based on this request.
Pairing: Sylus x Non MC reader
Content Warning: Insecurities, injuries, mention of blood, jealousy, angst, hurt/comfort
Note: Reader is not the MC of the game. I think I got quite carried away writing this because I am a sucker for angst.
[ A disclaimer note - Please be respectful of the request ]
The faint hum of the air condition echoed through the Onychinus base, its opulent, luxurious atmosphere doing little to distract from the knot twisting in your stomach. You stood across from Luke and Kieran, their crow masks tilted slightly as if to gauge your reaction.
"Boss isn't here today," Luke said casually, his hands tucked into his pockets. "Heโs in Linkon, Boss manโs got other things to handle."
Kieran, his mask tilted slightly to the side, gave a confused grunt. "But I thought he was meeting with her...?"
Luke raised a brow, correcting him. "No, no, he was meeting with Miss Hunter."
Miss Hunter.
The words hit you like a sledgehammer, even though they shouldnโt have. You were a hunter too, an informant who had been feeding Sylus critical intel on the associationโs movements for two years now. But she was different. Special.
Captain Jennaโs star pupil, with her rare Anhaunsen-class Resonance Evol, was someone Sylus had spent weeks trying to connect with, both literally and emotionally. You werenโt blind to the necessity of it; resonating with her was crucial for his goals, ones he hadnโt entirely shared with you but that you trusted him to pursue.
Trusted him. Loved him.
You forced a tight smile. "Thanks for the update. I'll let you two get back to it."
Luke and Kieran exchanged a glance, but you were already walking away, the echo of your boots swallowed by the hum of the base.
The ride back to Linkon was supposed to clear your mind. It didnโt.
The cool wind whipped against your face, but all it did was sting the tears pooling in your eyes. The road stretched endlessly ahead, yet the pressure in your chest only grew. Sylus hadnโt seen you in two months. Two months of unanswered calls and messages reduced to half-hearted responses when they came at all.
You understood why he was focused on her. She was crucial to his plans. She was everything you werenโt: poised, pretty, powerful, and, most importantly, someone he needed.
But understanding didnโt make it hurt any less.
The world blurred around you as your thoughts spiraled. You had always known your place in Sylusโ life. You were the informant, the quiet insider who helped him stay two steps ahead of the hunters. Somewhere along the way, though, you had fallen for him. For the man who wasnโt as cold and calculated as others believed. It had been two long years since you started working with Sylus. Two years filled with secrecy, lies, and hidden truths. But over those years, you'd found yourself tangled in emotions for him that you couldnโt shake. Sylus, with his cold authority, his dangerous smile, his complex natureโฆ He was all you could think about. He wasnโt as dismissive as people thought. He had a way of looking at you when no one was watchingโa fleeting softness that you cherished, even if you couldnโt be certain if it was real.
And now, it felt like you were losing him.
Your bike screeched to a halt near Meowโs Cafรฉ. You hadnโt planned to stop, but the sight of the familiar storefront tugged at you. Perhaps a coffee and a moment to breathe would help.
The glass windows glinted under the midday sun, and your breath hitched as you looked inside.
Sylus was there. With her.
They sat at a small table, a deck of Kitty cards spread between them. He was leaning back, his smirk in full display as she laughed at something he said. It was the kind of laugh that reached her eyes, the kind of moment you had only ever dreamed of sharing with him.
You froze, your hands tightening on your helmet.
For a fleeting second, you wanted to march inside and demand answers. To ask him why he had time to play cards but couldnโt return your calls. To tell him how his absence had hollowed you out.
But you didnโt.
He looks so happy... you thought bitterly, swallowing the lump in your throat.
The truth gnawed at you. Every interaction, every ignored message, every unread notification on your phoneโit was because of her. Because Sylus had more important things to do. She was the one who mattered now. She was the one who he had to resonate with, had to bond with, had to make fall for him.
And you? You were just a pawn, a toolโforgotten. And there you were. Alone. Watching through a window, the warmth of the cafe contrasting the cold, empty feeling in your stomach. He hadnโt even bothered to let you know he was back. He was with her. You couldnโt bear to watch any longer, but you couldnโt look away either. It felt like the world was spinning faster than you could catch up, and you were left stranded, dizzy, and abandoned.
Instead, you turned away, your chest tight and vision blurred. The world felt suffocating, the weight of your unspoken feelings dragging you down as you climbed back onto your bike.
It was for the best, right?
You couldnโt keep doing this. You couldnโt keep waiting for him, couldnโt keep fooling yourself that there was something real between you two. He was busy. He had her. And you.. well, you didnโt even know why you bothered anymore.
The ride back to your apartment was a blur of taillights and muffled engine noise. The cityโs glow that usually brought you some sense of comfort felt glaring and alien tonight. By the time you made it inside, the suffocating silence of your small space was overwhelming.
For someone who prided herself on being strong and independent, you barely made it to your couch before the sobs overtook you. Hot, angry tears streamed down your face as you clutched a pillow to your chest, trying in vain to keep your cries muffled. It felt as though something within you had been ripped apart, leaving an aching, hollow void that throbbed with every thought of him.
You replayed the image of him at the cafรฉ in your mind, over and over, as if some part of you wanted to punish yourself further. His smirk. Her laughter. The ease of their interaction. It contrasted so sharply with the heaviness that now weighed on your heart.
Every chime of your phone made you flinch, hope briefly sparking to life, only to be cruelly snuffed out when the screen lit up with messages from othersโwork updates, pointless notifications, or friends checking in. Nothing from him. Of course, there wouldnโt be.
You wiped at your face, your chest tightening as you scrolled through the last few conversations youโd had with Sylus. They were short, clipped responses. A "thanks" here, an "Iโm busy" there. Youโd convinced yourself for weeks that he wasnโt brushing you off, that his focus was just elsewhere. But deep down, you knew. Youโd always known.
You werenโt as important to him as he was to you.
That realization settled over you like a heavy blanket, suffocating and final. And yet, you tried to convince yourself it was okay. He doesnโt owe me anything, you told yourself, though the thought only twisted the knife deeper. Heโs free to choose who he spends his time with.
But it didnโt stop the tears.
The days that followed were a haze of exhaustion and numbness. You threw yourself into your work, spending long hours tracking and confronting wanderers. The physical exhaustion helped, even if just a little. At least when you were in the middle of a fight, the pain in your chest was drowned out by the adrenaline coursing through your veins.
Still, the nights were the worst. Alone in your apartment, the quiet crept in like a suffocating fog. You tried to distract yourselfโreading, cleaning, even organizing old mission reports. Anything to keep your mind from drifting back to him. But it was impossible.
Each time you saw his name in your contacts, you hesitated. Your thumb hovered over the call button more times than you cared to admit, but the fear of hearing his indifferent voice stopped you every time. What would you even say? That you missed him? That you wanted to see him? That youโd fallen for him, even though you knew it would never be mutual?
No. You couldnโt do that to yourself.
You worked harder, pushed yourself further. Every wanderer you fought became a stand-in for your frustrations, your insecurities. You told yourself that if you could just stay busy enough, the ache would go away. But no matter how many missions you completed or how many late nights you spent staring at your phone, the weight in your chest never fully lifted.
By the end of the week, you were exhaustedโphysically and emotionally. But you were surviving. Barely. The bell above the door jingled softly as you pushed into the chocolatierโs shop, the rich scent of cocoa and vanilla wrapping around you like a warm embrace. The day had been gruelingโhours of chasing leads, a narrow escape from a particularly aggressive wanderer, and not a single bite of food since morning. Your stomach growled in protest, a sharp reminder that youโd been running on fumes for too long.
Rows of meticulously crafted chocolates gleamed beneath the glass counter, their perfect swirls and shimmering finishes almost too beautiful to eat. Almost. You leaned forward slightly, scanning the display, your reflection ghosting over the pristine surface.
Dark chocolate truffles. Raspberry ganache. Caramel hazelnut clusters. The options were overwhelming, and your indecision felt heavier than it shouldโve. Your chest still ached from the lingering emotions youโd been suppressing all week. The quiet joy of the shop felt alien, like stepping into a world you no longer belonged to.
Just pick something and go, you thought, your fingers tightening on the strap of your bag. But the choices seemed endless, each one whispering promises of sweetness you werenโt sure you deserved.
"If youโre struggling," a soft, measured voice spoke behind you, "the pistachio crรจme chocolate is an excellent choice."
Startled, you turned, your gaze falling on a man standing a few steps away. Tall and lean, he exuded an understated confidence that was both intimidating and captivating. Dark hair fell in against his forehead, and sharp hazel-green eyes, softened by gold flecks peered at you from behind thin-framed glasses. His white doctorโs coat was open, revealing a simple black shirt beneath, and he held a small paper bag in one hand.
You blinked, caught off guard by both his suggestion and his presence. "Oh, uhโฆ thank you," you stammered, trying not to sound as flustered as you felt. "Iโllโฆ Iโll try that."
The shopkeeper nodded and carefully packed your selection as you stole another glance at the stranger. There was an air of calm authority about him, a quiet assurance that made you feel oddly exposed, like he could see straight through you.
He waited patiently as the shopkeeper handed you your bag, but just as you were about to leave, his voice cut through the quiet againโthis time, more direct. "Chocolates shouldnโt be your first meal of the day."
The statement was delivered without malice, his tone stoic and matter-of-fact, yet it hit like a stone to the chest. Your lips parted in shock, the question forming before you could stop it: How does he know? But before you could say anything, he was already moving toward the door. The bells jingled softly as it closed behind him, leaving you standing frozen in place. The strangerโs words lingered, intertwining with the rest of your messy emotions. Your fingers clenched the small bag of chocolates as you tried to process the brief encounter.
A soft gleam on the floor caught your attention, breaking your spiraling thoughts. A wallet, its sleek leather worn but well-kept, lay just inches from where the man had stood. You knelt and picked it up, your heart thudding as you opened it to check for identification.
The name embossed on his hospital ID was like a jolt: Dr. Zayne. Your eyes widened. Doctor Zayne? The name was familiarโa renowned surgeon whose skills and precision were legendary, often described as a miracle worker. Youโd imagined someone older, more weathered, notโฆ this.
For a moment, you stared at the ID, piecing together the puzzle of the composed, enigmatic man who had called you out so effortlessly. You tried the number listed on a card tucked into his wallet, but it rang unanswered, the sterile monotone only adding to your frustration.
"Of course, he wouldnโt answer," you muttered under your breath, chewing your lip as you debated your next move. The idea of keeping his wallet overnight felt wrong, and leaving it here in the shop seemed equally careless.
That left one option.
The hospital loomed ahead as you approached, its towering structure illuminated against the evening sky. Anxiety gnawed at your insides, twisting with every step you took through the sterile white halls. You werenโt sure why you felt so on edgeโmaybe it was the overwhelming sense of inadequacy that had been haunting you lately, or maybe it was the lingering impression of Zayneโs knowing gaze.
At the reception desk, you hesitated, gripping the wallet tightly as you cleared your throat. "Hi, um, Iโm here to return something for Dr. Zayne. Heโฆ accidentally dropped this."
The receptionist barely looked up, taking the wallet with a polite but indifferent smile. "Dr. Zayne isnโt in right now. Iโll make sure he gets this when heโs back."
"Oh," You nodded, murmuring a quick thanks before retreating back toward the exit. You thought nothing of this interaction as you left. You did what you thought was right and left the hospital back towards your apartment.
The days blurred together in a haze of work and routine. You buried yourself in assignments from the Hunterโs Association, throwing yourself into dangerous missions with a single-minded intensity. Anything to keep your mind occupied.
Sylus messaged you once during that time, his tone professional as he asked for updates regarding a lead he was tracking. Youโd responded quickly, sticking strictly to business. No pleasantries, no banterโjust the information he needed. He didnโt press, didnโt call you out for your uncharacteristic coldness. Maybe he didnโt notice. Or maybe he did and chose not to say anything.
That night, you jogged through the dimly lit streets, your breath fogging in the cool air as you tried to exorcise the restless energy gnawing at you. The rhythmic slap of your sneakers against the pavement was grounding, steady. Jogging had always been your go-to, a way to clear your head and silence the endless stream of "what-ifs" and "if-onlys" that plagued your mind.
But no amount of movement could completely shake Sylus from your thoughts.
His voice, his presenceโit clung to you, even now.
Why didnโt he ask how Iโve been? Why didnโt I?
You shook your head, annoyed at yourself. There was no point in dwelling. Sylus wasnโt the kind of person to give you what you wanted, and even if he did, could you trust it? Could you trust him?
The sound of skidding tires yanked you out of your spiraling thoughts.
โLook out!โ
Before you could process the warning, a cyclist veered wildly toward you, their momentum too strong to stop. There wasnโt even time to brace yourself. The impact hit like a freight train, and suddenly, you were on the ground, tangled with the bike and its rider. Pain blossomed sharp and hot in your knees as the asphalt scraped them raw.
For a moment, you just lay there, stunned. The world tilted unsteadily, the city lights smearing together like a watercolor painting.
โHey, you okay?โ The cyclistโs voice snapped you back. They were scrambling off you, helmet slightly askew but otherwise unscathed. You shook your head to clear it, wincing as you sat up. You pushed yourself up, shaking the dizziness from your head, and checked on the cyclist who had crashed into you. They were already scrambling to their feet, looking slightly dazed but otherwise unharmed, their helmet and guards having done their job.
โIโm fine,โ you managed, even as your knees throbbed in protest. โAre you?โ
โYeah, thanks to the gear,โ they said, pulling off their helmet to inspect a small crack along its surface. โGuess it did its job.โ
Relief washed over you. โGood. Let me justโโ
โWait.โ A different voice cut in, firm but calm. You stood there, still trying to regain your bearings when a figure appeared beside you, moving with a grace that immediately caught your attention. Your heart skipped a beat when you saw who it was. Dr. Zayne. The same man who had crossed your path in the chocolatier's shop just days ago. His sharp eyes locked onto yours, and for a split second, everything else seemed to vanish. His expression shifted from mild surprise to something more concerned as he took in your state.
Without saying a word, he immediately began assessing you, his gaze narrowing at the blood now staining your knees. You winced, feeling the sting of the cuts that had begun to bloom with a fiery intensity, but you were determined not to show it. You were used to painโused to the sharp discomfort that came with being a hunter. You didnโt need help. You could handle this on your own. Youโd always been able to.
But Dr. Zayne wasnโt having any of it.
His voice, low and steady, broke through the haze of your thoughts. "Youโre bleeding. Those need first aid," he said firmly, his frown deepening as he glanced at your scraped knees. "Sit. Wait here. Iโll be back in a minute."
You opened your mouth to protest, to tell him you were fine, but the words caught in your throat. He wasnโt asking. His tone, though gentle, was authoritativeโdemanding in its own quiet way. There was something about the way he carried himself, that calm, unflinching presence, that made it impossible to argue.
"Iโm fine, I am a hunter." you managed to say, your voice rougher than you intended. "I can handle it at home. Really." You tried to force a reassuring smile
โIs this a hunter thing?โ he interrupted, one brow arching skeptically. โAre all of you this stubborn about basic care, or is it just you?โ
The words should have been biting, but his tone was almost... patient. Like he was accustomed to dealing with difficult people.
You flushed, suddenly hyper-aware of the sting in your knees and the heat of his gaze. โIโm not being stubborn,โ you muttered. โI just donโt want to bother anyone over something so small.โ
โSmall injuries have a way of turning into bigger problems,โ he said, folding his arms. โAnd Iโm not bothered. As a doctor, Iโm asking you to wait here. Iโll be back in a minute.โ
Without waiting for your protest, he turned and strode off, leaving you no room to argue.
You sat stiffly on the bench, gripping the edge as the minutes dragged on. The ache in your knees was nothing compared to the gnawing discomfort blooming in your chest. Anxiety clawed at you, whispering insidious doubts.
Heโs wasting his time on you.He probably thinks youโre pathetic and weak.Why couldnโt you have just gotten up and left?
Your fingers curled into fists, the tension radiating through your body.
The sound of footsteps interrupted your spiraling thoughts, and Dr. Zayne was back, carrying a small first aid kit. He knelt in front of you without a word, his hands steady as he cleaned the cuts on your knees. The gentle pressure of his fingers as he worked felt almost surreal. His silence wasnโt uncomfortableโit was justโฆ calm. You found yourself drawn to it, to the quiet that seemed to settle around him.
"Youโre lucky," he said, glancing up at you as he bandaged your knees. "That couldโve been a lot worse."
You nodded, the words caught in your throat. There were so many things you wanted to say, things you wanted to ask him, but you didnโt know where to start. So you remained silent, watching as he finished his work, his hands moving with the practiced precision of someone who had seen too many injuries to count.
When he was done, he straightened up and met your gaze. "You should be more careful," he said softly, his voice a little lighter than before, though there was still a note of concern underlying his words. "Next time, donโt run so late at night. You never know what could happen."
You forced a tight smile, the words feeling like they were coming from someone else. "Iโll keep that in mind," you said, your voice quieter now.
Dr. Zayne took a step back after finishing the bandages, his sharp gaze softening ever so slightly as he packed the first aid kit. You glanced at him, your mouth opening to thank him, but before you could get the words out, he said, almost in unison, โThank you.โ
Both of you froze, the simultaneous expressions of gratitude hanging awkwardly in the air. A surprised laugh slipped out of you, breaking the tension.
โYou first,โ he said, a faint smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth.
You swallowed, trying to ignore the heat creeping up your neck. โI was just going to say thank you forโฆ you know, helping with this.โ You gestured vaguely toward your knees, the bandages clinging to your skin. โYou didnโt have to.โ
The moment stretched between you, awkward yet somehow comforting. Zayne gave a small, almost amused smile at the simultaneous gratitude, but his gaze softened when it landed on you, his concern still present.
"Thank you for returning my wallet," he said, his tone steady but with a hint of appreciation.
His words caught you off guard. โOh, right! That. It wasnโt a big deal, really.โ You fidgeted with the hem of your sleeve, avoiding his gaze. โI found it at the chocolatier shop. I figured it was better to bring it to the hospital than leave it lying around.โ
He nodded thoughtfully, his eyes lingering on you for a moment longer than necessary. โI appreciate it. Not many people would go out of their way like that.โ
You tried not to let his kindness throw you off, but it wasnโt easy. There was something about Zayne that made you feel... small in a way you didnโt like to feel. He was kind, yes, but that kindness made you wonder if you were deserving of it. Why should you be the one he cared about?
But before you could dwell on that any further, his voice cut through your swirling thoughts.
"Have you eaten today?" His tone was light, but there was an edge of sincerity beneath it, one that made your stomach twist in a way that had nothing to do with hunger. It reminded you of that conversation in the shop, of how he had so effortlessly read through your tiredness.
The sheepish look that crossed your face mustโve been obvious, because Zayne sighed, the sound so deep that it almost felt like a reprimand. He pinched the bridge of his nose in a gesture that was both familiar and surprisingly endearing.
โYouโve got to take care of yourself,โ he said, his voice almost too gentle for the weight of his words. โItโs not healthy to go without food, especially if youโre going to keep running around like you hunters do.โ
You opened your mouth to protest, to tell him it wasnโt a big deal, but Zayne didnโt give you the chance.
"Thereโs a diner close by. Itโs the least I can do to thank you for returning my wallet."
You shook your head instinctively, trying to backpedal. "Itโs really not necessary," you said, but Zayne wasnโt having any of it. His eyes were firm, and there was an undeniable warmth behind them that almost made you feel guilty for refusing.
"Yes, it is," he replied, his tone steady but with a hint of finality. "Now, come on.โ
You hesitated for a moment, the unease building in your chest like a brick wall, but the thought of Zayneโs calm, commanding presence made it impossible to say no. So, with a quiet sigh, you relented.
"Iโll pay," you muttered as he led the way, the words almost reflexive. You always felt like you had to pay your wayโlike it was your responsibility to do so, especially with someone who had helped you, even in the smallest of ways. You were used to standing on your own two feet.
Zayne only gave you a side glance, his lips quirking up in the barest of smiles. "No, you wonโt. Itโs my thank you, remember?"
The diner wasnโt far from where you had been, a cozy, low-lit place with a soft hum of quiet conversations and the clink of silverware against plates. The familiar scent of warm foodโsteak, mashed potatoes, and the unmistakable aroma of fresh breadโimmediately filled the air as you stepped inside. You followed Zayne to a small booth in the back, the vinyl seats creaking under your weight as you slid in.
You wanted to say somethingโthank you, maybeโbut the words felt stuck, trapped somewhere in the pit of your stomach, along with everything else that had been piling up for weeks. Zayne didnโt seem to notice, his focus already turning to the menu as he gestured for you to pick something.
You wanted to ask him more, to understand him in the same way you understood the empty streets you ran through, but you couldnโt shake the feeling that youโd just end up looking foolish. So, instead, you stared at the menu in front of you, unable to focus on the choices, as your mind churned with questions that had no answers.
Zayne ordered for both of you, his voice low as he made his choices, and when he looked at you, you caught a flicker of somethingโperhaps curiosity, or was it concern? It was hard to tell.
"You should eat more regularly," he said again, as though the words were a reminder he had to repeat for his own peace of mind. You nodded, letting the silence fill the space between you for a moment.
The food arrived, warm and satisfying, and you took a bite, surprised at how hungry you were despite the earlier denials. Zayne watched you for a moment, his gaze softening as you ate, but you couldnโt bring yourself to meet it. His concern, his careโit felt too much. You werenโt used to people worrying about you.
But as the meal went on, you found yourself starting to relax, the initial tension loosening from your shoulders. Zayne was easy to talk to, his calm, steady presence settling you in a way you hadnโt expected. By the end of the meal, you felt... lighter.
"Call me Zayne," he said when the check came, his voice quiet but sincere.
You blinked, a little caught off guard by the request. "Zayne?" you echoed, testing the name on your tongue.
"Yes," he replied with a small, patient smile. "Itโs easier than 'Dr. Zayne,' donโt you think?"
You blinked, taken aback. โAre you sure? I mean, youโve earned the titleโโ
โAnd Iโll still have it in the hospital,โ he interrupted, amusement flickering in his eyes. โBut here, itโs just Zayne.โ
You nodded slowly, testing the name in your mind. It felt strange, almost too personal. But there was something grounding about it, too.
By the time dessert arrived, the knot of anxiety in your chest had loosened considerably. The warmth of the diner, the steady cadence of his voice, and the shared laughter over a poorly made joke had a way of pulling you out of your own head. For the first time in what felt like weeks, you werenโt obsessing over your failures or doubts.
As you finished your meal, Zayne pulled out his phone and slid it across the table. โHere,โ he said simply. โAdd your number. In case you ever need anything.โ
You hesitated, the gesture feeling far more intimate than it probably was. But his expression was patient, expectant, and you found yourself entering your contact information before you could overthink it. When you handed the phone back, his lips twitched into a faint smile.
โThanks again for returning my wallet,โ he said, his tone lighter now. โAnd for the company.โ
You felt your cheeks flush, but this time, it wasnโt entirely unpleasant. โItโs not a problem,โ you murmured, a small smile tugging at your lips.
As you stepped out of the diner and into the cool night air, a strange sense of calm settled over you. Zayne walked you to the corner where your paths would diverge, his presence steady and reassuring.
โTake care of yourself,โ he said, his voice softer now, almost intimate.
โYou too,โ you replied, your voice barely above a whisper.
The dinerโs warmth lingered even as you stepped into the cool night air. For the first time in what felt like weeks, your chest didnโt feel as tight, the oppressive weight that had been bearing down on you now lifting slightly. You still felt the ache of Sylusโ absenceโa hollow, gnawing sensation that seemed to creep in whenever you let your guard down, but it wasnโt as suffocating as it had been. Instead, a new sensation fluttered in its place, tentative and fragile: excitement. It was strange to feel this way, to look forward to the possibility of a friendship formed under such unlikely circumstances. Zayneโs calm demeanor, his steady presence, had surprised you.
As you walked, the sound of fluttering wings caught your attention. Instinctively, your heart skipped, your mind jumping to Mephisto. You tilted your head to the dark sky, half-expecting to see the telltale silhouette of his familiar. But it was just a cluster of pigeons, their wings catching the faint glow of the streetlights as they soared away.
Right. Of course. It was unlikely that Sylus was watching you tonight.
You exhaled, a breath you hadnโt realized you were holding, and forced your thoughts away from him. Zayne had offered you a rare moment of normalcy, and you werenโt about to let your memories of Sylus overshadow that.
The following weeks were a blur of activity, and before long, you found yourself stationed at an outpost on the outskirts of Linkon. A metaflux surge had disrupted the area, and the temporary makeshift hospital was bustling with injured workers, hunters, and even a few civilians caught in the chaos. The air was thick with tension, the metallic tang of metaflux faint but persistent, a reminder of the unseen dangers that lurked just beyond the safety of the encampment.
Zayne was assigned as the doctor for the outpost, and you often found yourself crossing paths with him. At first, your interactions were briefโa nod here, a shared glance thereโbut over time, you began to talk. It started with simple pleasantries, discussions about the metaflux readings or the influx of patients, but it wasnโt long before the conversations deepened.
You learned that Zayne had a dry sense of humor, his sharp wit often catching you off guard. Heโd tease you about your stubbornness, and youโd retort with a quip about his overly serious nature. Despite his professionalism, there was a warmth to him, a quiet compassion that made him easy to trust. And though youโd never admit it, you found yourself looking forward to those moments of shared laughter, those fleeting glimpses of something lighter amidst the chaos.
But even as your friendship with Zayne grew, Sylus lingered at the edges of your thoughts, a shadow you couldnโt quite shake. The conversations you had with him were sparse and strictly work-relatedโupdates from the Association, bits of intel you passed along to him. It felt transactional, a far cry from the intimacy you once shared. Yet, every time his name appeared on your screen, your heart still raced, betraying the fragile boundaries youโd tried to set.
One evening, a message from Sylus broke the monotony of your routine.
โCome over tomorrow night, Darling. I have an exquisite wine Iโd like you to tryโprocured it during a recent deal.โ
The invitation was simple, almost casual. For a moment, you imagined itโthe rich scent of wine filling the air, his sharp yet alluring gaze fixed on you as he poured you a glass. But reality quickly crept in, dragging you back to the present. You couldnโt go. You couldnโt risk it. Not when your heart was still so fragile, still aching in ways you didnโt want to admit.
You stared at the screen for what felt like an eternity, your fingers hovering over the keyboard as your mind raced. The truth was, you wanted to see him. But you knew better. You had to keep your distanceโfor your own sake, if nothing else.
โIโm tired..'
You typed, the words feeling hollow as they formed.
'Busy day tomorrow. Maybe another time.โ
You hesitated before hitting send, the weight of the message pressing down on you. When his reply came, it was as simple as his invitation.
โOkay.โ
The finality of it hit you like a brick, and for a moment, you felt like your breath had been stolen away. He didnโt push. He didnโt argue. That empty โokayโ hung in the air, leaving you with the quiet realization that, once again, you had lost yourself in the haze of someone elseโs world.
You tried not to read too much into it, but you couldnโt shake the feeling that he had already moved on. That he didnโt care enough to fight for your attention. Instead, it felt like you were just a passing thought, like an aftertaste that wasnโt worth savoring.
Miss Hunter. The words echoed in your mind. You squeezed your eyes shut, willing the tears to stay behind your eyelids, but they pressed hard, a sting that never seemed to fully fade. You rubbed your forehead, trying to push away the thoughts. But even as you did, you couldnโt escape the suffocating feeling in your chestโthe one that always came when you were reminded of how little you meant to him. You felt foolish, but you couldnโt help it. It was like you were always waiting for the other shoe to drop, for him to come back, to pull you back into his orbit with that practiced charm, that voice that made you feel wanted, if only for a little while.
The dinner with Zayne had been a welcome reprieve. It had been two weeks since you last saw him, the demands of work pulling both of you in different directions. But tonight, seated across from him in a small, cozy bistro, you found solace in the familiar rhythm of your conversations. The mellow lights softened the sharp angles of his face as he recounted a mishap earlier in the week involving a particularly irritable patient.
His dry humor, paired with the subtle lift of his brow, drew a laugh from youโa genuine, light sound that felt foreign after the weight of recent days. For a while, the world outside blurred away. You werenโt Miss Hunter; you werenโt anything other than a person sharing a meal with a friend.
As the meal wound down, Zayne looked at you over the rim of his glass, his expression calm. โYouโre doing better than when we first met.โ he remarked softly.
You blinked, momentarily caught off guard. โAm I?โ
He nodded. His calm demeanor always had a way of grounding you, and tonight was no exception.
The meal wrapped up with the two of you trading small updates and light banter. You paid for your half of the meal, Zayne insisting it wasnโt necessary, but youโd insisted back. There was a sense of normalcy here, something you werenโt willing to let go of easily. When you parted ways outside the diner, the night air was cool and quiet. Zayneโs warm farewell echoed softly in your ears as you waved goodbye and headed back toward your apartment.
As you walked, you felt lighter somehow. The stress of the past few weeks hadnโt vanished, but Zayneโs steady presence had reminded you of something importantโmoments of peace still existed, even in the chaos.
The faint scent of lavender greeted you as you unlocked your apartment door, a hint of the candle youโd left burning earlier. The lights were off, and the air felt too stillโunnaturally so. Your heart skipped, the hairs on the back of your neck standing on end. A lump formed in your throat, panic curling its fingers around your chest.
You flicked the light switch, and the sudden brightness flooded the room, revealing the figure sitting on your couch. Sylus.
You froze. Your body stiffened, caught between fight or flight.
Your yelp of surprise filled the space, your pulse racing as you clutched the doorframe for support. โWhatโSylus? What are you doing here?โ
He was sitting on your couch, one arm draped casually along the backrest, his other hand resting on his knee. The dim light of the room softened the sharp edges of his face, but his expression was anything but gentle. His eyes, sharp and unyielding, tracked your every movement as if he were dissecting you with just a glance.
โHowโwhat are you doing here?โ you stammered, your voice shaky as your pulse raced.
Sylus didnโt respond right away. Instead, he tilted his head slightly, his gaze dragging over you slowly, deliberately. His silence was louder than any words he could have spoken, and it made your skin prickle.
โDarling,โ he finally murmured, his voice low and smooth, laced with something you couldnโt quite name. โYou lookโฆ exhausted.โ
You blinked, still standing frozen by the door. His tone was soft, almost tender, but it was the way his jaw tightened, the way his fingers tapped against his knee, that betrayed his underlying tension.
โY-yeah,โ you stammered, your voice wavering as you took a cautious step forward. โItโs been a long day. What are you doing here?โ
Sylus leaned back, the leather of the couch creaking faintly under his weight. โA long day,โ he echoed, his lips curving into a faint smile that didnโt reach his eyes. โYet you had time for dinner.โ
โIโฆโ you faltered, scrambling for a response. โIt was justโฆโ
โJust dinner,โ he interrupted smoothly, his tone unreadable. โWithโฆ someone else.โ
The air felt thick, charged with a tension that made your skin prickle. You opened your mouth to respond, but the words stuck in your throat. His eyes narrowed slightly, his expression still calm but his body language telling a different story. The way his fingers drummed against his knee, the slight clench of his jaw, the flicker of something dark in his gaze.
Your heart pounded, your thoughts racing. Why was he here? What did he want? And why did his presenceโhis very existence in your spaceโmake your chest ache in that familiar, suffocating way?
โI didnโt thinkโฆโ You stopped yourself, your voice trembling. โYou didnโt say youโd be coming by. You canโt justโโ
โCanโt just what?โ he asked, his voice dangerously soft as he rose from the couch, his movements fluid and deliberate. โShow up to see whatโs wrong?โ
Your breath hitched as he closed the distance between you, his height and presence suddenly overwhelming. โNothingโs wrongโฆโyou managed to say, your voice barely above a whisper.
โIs that so?โ he murmured, tilting his head slightly, his eyes boring into yours. โBecause from where Iโm standing, it seems like youโve been avoiding me, Darling.โ
The accusation hung in the air, sharp and unyielding.
โIโve been busyโฆโ you said weakly, your voice lacking conviction.
โBusy,โ he repeated, his gaze flicking over you again, this time with something close to disdain. โToo busy for me, but not too busy forโฆ him.โ
Your hands fidgeted at your sides, your breath coming in shallow bursts. You wanted to move, to put distance between you, but your legs felt rooted to the spot. โI didnโt think dinner with a friend would..โ
โFriend?โ he interrupted, the single word slicing through your sentence. His lips curved into something that might have been a smile, but it didnโt reach his eyes.
Your heart pounded painfully against your ribs, the anxiety swirling in your chest mixing with something elseโsomething raw and painful that you didnโt want to name. The memories of your last exchange with Sylus came flooding backโthe curt messages, the unspoken finality of his โokay.โ You had tried to convince yourself that it didnโt matter, that you didnโt need his validation. But standing here now, under the weight of his gaze, you felt every crack in the fragile walls you had built to keep him out.
โI donโt understand what you want from me,โ you said finally, the words trembling as they left your lips.
His eyes softened slightly, but the tension in his posture didnโt ease. For a moment, he looked like he wanted to say something, something important, but the moment passed as quickly as it came. Instead, he reached out, his fingers brushing against your cheek in a gesture so gentle it felt almost foreign.
โDonโt make me feel like Iโm a stranger to you.โ he said quietly, his voice carrying a hint of vulnerability that made your chest ache.
Donโt make me feel like Iโm a stranger to you. The words echoed in your mind, repeating, twisting, until all you could hear was the raw edge of betrayal laced in his tone.
You let out a bitter laugh, the sound sharp and bitter, a little too loud in the quiet of your apartment. Your chest tightened, and for a moment, you felt the space around you grow smaller. You couldnโt breatheโcouldnโt think. All you could feel was the heat of anger building inside of you, raw and unrefined.
โThatโs rich,โ you scoffed, finally managing to find your voice. โThatโs really rich, coming from you of all people.โ
Sylus blinked, a subtle flash of surprise crossing his face, but it quickly masked over. His lips tightened, his brow furrowed ever so slightly, but it wasnโt enough. You had to push, you couldnโt hold back now. The words were tumbling out before you could even stop them. Your breath hitched, a strangled sob lodged somewhere in the back of your throat, but you refused to let it spill. You wouldnโt let him see you breakโnot like this, not in front of him. You knew the truth. He knew the truth. It hurt, yes, but you werenโt the one to blame.
โYou've been treating me like a stranger for months,โ you continued, your voice trembling with anger you hadn't fully realized was there. โBarely responding to my messages, not answering my calls, and when I do see you, itโs like you canโt be bothered. You donโt even see me.โ You felt the weight of every unreturned message, every unanswered call, every promise left in limbo. โIโve had to hear from Luke and Kieran that youโre in Linkon. But you couldnโt even make time to see me.โ
You felt the ache deep in your chest, that familiar, suffocating knot forming. He didnโt deserve your pain. Not anymore. You wouldnโt let him have that. Not this time.
You took a shaky breath, suddenly feeling raw, exposed. โYou donโt have to feel obligated to check on me, Sylus,โ you said, your words clipped and cutting through the thick silence between you. โYou donโt have to feel pity for me. I know where I stand. I know my place in your life.โ
His expression, that unreadable mask, cracked for the briefest of moments. His lips parted, his gaze flicking to your face, then back down to the floor. His jaw clenched. But his eyesโฆ They werenโt the same as theyโd been earlier. The hardness was gone, replaced by something far more dangerous, something even more intimate. The storm was gathering, but it wasnโt just in the airโno, it was inside him too.
โYou know where you stand?โ His voice was quieter now, but there was an edge to it, a slight tightness you hadnโt noticed before. He took a step forward, his body closing the space between you, like a wave of raw energy crashing toward you. His proximity only made your pulse race faster, but you couldnโt back down. Not now.
โIโm just an informant, right?โ you bit out, every word feeling like it sliced through the night air, cutting through the tension like a blade. โYou donโt have to pretend you care, Sylus. So donโt stand there with that look on your face like Iโm some important thing you need to check on.โ
The air between you grew heavy, thick with unsaid words and stifled tension. Every inch of your body was telling you to get away, to shut down, to stop this before it tore you apart. But your feet felt heavy, stuck in place. Sylusโs presence was like gravity, pulling you toward him.
"You think that's all you are?" he murmured, his voice dangerously low, like the calm before the thunder. The way he said it made your heart stutter in your chest. It was both a question and an accusation or a challenge.
But there was something else in his voice. Something you couldnโt quite place. His eyes were intense, too intense, and they searched yours like he was looking for the answer. The truth.
โI didnโt want to hurt you,โ he continued, his words clipped, as though they were difficult for him to say. โBut I couldnโt....couldnโt make sense of it. Of you.โ
It was the first time that he seemed genuinely vulnerable, and it left you breathless and confused. You had always wondered if there was more beneath his cold exterior. You had always told yourself that he cared. But you had never dared to confront him.
His hand was close enough now to reach out, his fingers barely brushing the edge of your wrist. The air between you was still thick with everything unsaid, everything unhealed. And yet, despite the words that had been thrown between you, there was something undeniably magnetic in the tension. The ache in your chest, the rawness, the feelings of betrayalโthey didnโt wash away just because you said them out loud.
God, you hated him for this.
But part of you yearned for him. That part that still felt tethered to him, despite the distance.
Sylusโs fingers hovered over your wrist, his touch like fire against your skin. For a moment, the storm between you calmed, leaving only the faintest echo of it behind. The weight of his gaze, the force of his presenceโit seemed to drown out the rest of the world.
He said nothing for a moment, his lips parting as though he wanted to speak but couldnโt find the words. His eyes darkened further, not with anger now, but with something you couldnโt quite define.
You took a breath, your body suddenly feeling too small beneath his gaze. The storm was still inside. You had to move away. Your heart pounded as if it were trying to escape your chest, desperate to flee from whatever was stirring inside you. You couldn'tโno, you wouldnโtโlet yourself get caught up in whatever this feeling was. You were not some fool, ready to throw everything away for the temporary pull of his presence. You knew better than that. You had to.
Every instinct screamed at you to retreat, to put some distance between you and the mess of emotions bubbling under your skin. His sharp gaze was enough to make your knees tremble, and it took everything in you not to look back, not to let him see the quiet devastation that flickered inside you.
โYou need to leaveโฆ Sylus.โ You whispered. You staggered back a few steps, your breathing shallow, desperate. Your feet felt like lead, yet you forced yourself to walk away. You turned your back to him, willing your legs to move, hoping to escape before you got sucked into whatever dark vortex of feelings he was drawing you into.
He didnโt move. Instead, you heard the familiar click of his boots against the floor as he took a single, deliberate step forward. โWhy?โ His voice, low and curious, sent a shiver down your spine. It was almost too intimate, as if he were searching for a piece of you, trying to understand what you couldnโt explain.
You didnโt want to look at him. Didnโt want to see the quiet confusion on his faceโthe faint flicker of disappointment that stung like salt in an open wound. You couldnโt let him see your weakness, couldnโt let him know how badly it hurt to be around him, how badly it hurt not to be around him.
โIs it so you can run back to your precious โfriendโ?โ The words dripped with something unspoken, something that made your stomach twist.
You couldnโt look at him. You couldnโt. Not when his voiceโthat voice, the one that threaded through the air like silkโwas digging into your mind like this. The word echoed in your ears, almost mocking you, and you felt something fragile snap inside you. The weight of the years youโd spent keeping distance, of guarding your heart against him, against whatever he made you feel, started to unravel. But you couldnโt let it.
You took another step away from him. One more step, you told yourself. Just one more. You didnโt need this.
Dark tendrils wrapped around you as you move, pulling you back. He was using his evol to pull you back. You didnโt need him pulling you in again. But then it came. That touch. He pulled you to him, forceful yet intimate, and your breath caught in your throat. You were too close. Too close to the edge of losing yourself, of falling into his presence.
His hands...no, his fingersโsnaked around your waist before you even knew what was happening. You gasped, body going stiff in surprise, but his grip tightened, pulling you back into him. You tried to keep moving, tried to pull away, but it was useless. His hold was ironclad, his presence consuming. His grip tightened slightly, but there was an almost comforting pressure there, a subtle reminder that despite the dispute between you, there was something undeniable between the two of you.
โWhy are you running?โ His voice was a whisper against your ear, the words smooth like silk, but there was something jagged beneath themโsomething urgent, raw.
You struggled to hold yourself together, but the more you fought it, the more it pulledโthis unbearable need to lean into him, to give in to the chaos that his proximity stirred in you. You knew you shouldnโt, but everything in you wanted to. You felt the ache of wanting something you couldn't have, the sting of the distance you had put between you and the thing that was somehow both poison and relief.
His hands tightened slightly, his thumb brushing over your ribs in a movement that sent a jolt through your entire system. The words you wanted to say, the reasons you needed to get away from him, all felt so small and pointless now. How could you possibly explain this? This tension, this pull? How could you say that being near him felt like the most excruciating thing in the world, but also the only thing that made you feel alive?
โYouโre not just an informant to me,โ he breathed, his words slipping under your skin, curling into the tight spaces of your chest. โI didnโt realize I was hurting you this much. That youโd want to distance yourself from me...โ His tone softened at the end, but it only made everything worse. The tenderness in his voiceโhis tendernessโwas like a dagger in your side, making the blood in your veins freeze. You wanted to say something, anything, but all you could hear was the deafening rush of your own heartbeat. You tried to stay composed, but the words were caught in your throat, and your body was still pressed so tightly against his, your breath shallow, your pulse thudding painfully against your ribs.
Why was this so hard? Why couldnโt you just say itโsay that you couldnโt let him get close again? That you couldnโt survive another wound, another aching, empty feeling in your chest because of him? But the way his hands tightened, the warmth of his body against yours, made everything you were feeling a little too real.
You could feel his heartbeat against your back, the rhythm in sync with your own, and the pull of him was growing stronger. You could feel your anxiety bubbling up, the gnawing fear at the pit of your stomach. Was this just him toying with you? Was he trying to pull you into his world of darkness and manipulation? Or did he really care?
Your head was spinning. The emotions warred within youโanger, confusion, guilt, and something else. Something that made your heart race faster and your thoughts scatter like leaves in the wind.
โLet me go,โ you whispered, your voice barely audible over the storm that raged around you.
But you didnโt pull away. You didnโt push him off.
Sylus' grip on you tightened, his arm like a steel band around your waist, pulling you closer until there was no space left between you. His chest rises and falls against your back as his breath brushes against your ear, warm and heavy. Itโs as if heโs afraid, like if he lets go for even a second, heโll lose you forever. You can feel the tension radiating from him, but also something softer, something desperate.
โNo, Darling,โ he murmurs, his voice low and thick with emotion, his tone possessive, as though the very idea of you slipping away shatters him. โYouโre not going anywhere and neither am I.โ
"Youโre going to stay," He pulls you even closer, his lips brushing the shell of your ear as he speaks again, quieter this time, but laced with something raw and vulnerable. "...and youโre going to listen to me. I wonโt let you walk away from this."
You can hear the flicker of something beneath his wordsโregret. And then, his lips ghost over the sensitive skin of your neck, lingering just a little longer than necessary. He slowly spins you around, to face him. His voice softens, almost apologetic. โI know I was a dick. I know I didnโt respond to you, and Iโm sorry for that. I didnโt know how to handle itโฆ handle us. It confused me, and instead of facing it, I pushed you away.โ His breath catches slightly, and you feel his chest tighten against your back.
His hand moves to cup your cheek, tilting your face slightly toward him, his thumb brushing over your skin as though itโs a promise, an apology. The weight of his gaze is intense, but thereโs also something tender there, something that wants to pull you back in, closer. โI know youโre still hurting, darling. I see it. And I... Iโll spend a lifetime making up for it, because thatโs what I want. A lifetime. With you. Not as some informant or some... thing, but as my beloved. You. By my side. Always.โ
He pauses, letting his words hang in the air between you. His voice drops, the quiet sorrow of his confession sending a twinge of guilt through you. "I donโt have the right to ask this of you, I know," Sylus continues, his voice thick with emotion. "But seeing you push me awayโฆ Itโs harder than I ever thought it would be. Harder than I want to admit." He presses his forehead lightly against your temple, his breath shaky. "Iโve never needed someone the way I need you, and I didnโt know how to tell you that. But I do. I need you."
You can feel him tense slightly, the shift in his demeanor telling you that his thoughts have turned darker. His voice lowers, the jealousy evident in the way he speaks, though itโs wrapped in a softness that almost makes it harder to bear.
"And Dr. Zayne... I canโt stand the thought of him being so close to you," Sylus adds, his voice low and thick with a possessiveness that unsettles you in its intensity. "It kills me, you know? Watching him with you, hearing you laugh like that with him, as if I donโt even exist." His arm tightens again, almost painfully, as if he needs to remind you, remind both of you, where you truly belong. "I know I have no claim on you... but... I can't help but feel like thereโs a part of you that wants him in a way that... I can't compete with." His voice hardens, jealousy dripping from every word. "It eats at me, knowing he has a part of you that Iโm fighting for."
"Sylus..." Your voice cracked slightly as you repeated his name, your breath hitching, caught in the tension between you. His name felt heavy on your tongue, like it was both a question and an answer. You had never said it so quietly, so vulnerably. The memories of earlier came rushing backโhim with her, that delicate smile he gave her, the way she leaned into him just a little too comfortably. It had burned in your chest, the jealousy creeping in with a venomous ache.
The words tumbled out before you could stop them, too fast to gather, too painful to hide. "I felt the same... when I saw you with her," you confessed, swallowing thickly. "I felt so... so useless, Sylus. When I saw you with her, it felt like... like she was everything you needed. Better than me. And that... it broke me, Sylus. I felt like I wasnโt enough, like I wasnโt... worth it.โ
The words stung, bitter and unrelenting, but the weight of them was finally lifted as you let them spill out. You felt exposed, naked in your insecurity, but somehow, it was all you could do to stand there and wait for him to respond. You could feel the weight of it, of how small youโd felt in that moment, how unworthy you had become in your own eyes. The self-doubt gnawed at your insides, each thought of her with him twisting like a knife in your gut.
Sylusโs expression softened, his features melting into a tender sadness, as though he were seeing you for the first time, truly seeing you. His hand reached out slowly, almost hesitantly, as if afraid to shatter the fragile space between you. His touch was a gentle comfort, his fingers brushing against your cheek, his voice a low whisper, "Darling, you're none of that... none of it, I swear."
You shook your head, feeling the tears threatening, but you couldnโt let them fall, not yet. His words were kind, but the ache in your chest was still there, an unhealed wound.
He continued, his voice steady but thick with something deeper. "I didnโt know you felt that way... about her, in the same way I feel about Zayne." His gaze met yours, and for the first time tonight, it wasnโt uncertain. It was so gentle, so soft, tender. "But you need to know, you're it for me, Darlingโฆ" he murmured, his fingers curling around yours, grounding you in the quiet storm of your emotions. "Yes, I want help from her, but..." He paused, as if weighing his words carefully, "...I need you more." His words were a balm to the wounds that had festered within you, but the tenderness in his eyes was what finally reached you. His hand slid down to your shoulder, his thumb grazing the skin there. His warmth surrounded you, and you let yourself sink into the comfort of his words. The jealousy, the insecurity that had burned so fiercely in you when you saw him with her, melted in the face of the tenderness he was offering now.
You swallowed, trying to steady yourself as your heart raced, the intensity of the moment almost overwhelming. โZayneโฆ Zayneโs just a friend,โ you said, your voice fragile but firm, โsomeone who helped me... helped me see past the stuff in my head. After everything, I just... needed someone to remind me that Iโm not broken.โ
Sylus's eyes softened even more, the depth of his gaze sending shivers down your spine. He nodded slowly, his expression filled with understanding. The tension between you didnโt disappear entirely, but it was now laced with something more tender. More real.
โYouโre not broken, Darling.โ he repeated, and there was a quiet strength in his voice, something that made you believe him more than you ever had before. โYouโre everything Iโve ever needed... and more.โ
"I... Iโm sorry," you whispered, a lump in your throat as you looked up at him. "I never wanted to make you feel like I didnโt care. I just... I was afraid youโd choose her over me."
Sylusโs fingers brushed against the nape of your neck, pulling you closer, his forehead pressing gently against yours. "You never have to apologize for that, Darling." he murmured, his voice warm, his breath mingling with yours. โIt was my fault and I accept that.โ
The room was quiet, save for the soft sound of your breathing, as Sylus stood before you, his face drawn with intensity. The flickering light from the lamp cast soft shadows across his features, but his gaze... his gaze was sharp, focused entirely on you.
"I love you, Darling" he said, his words lingering in the air as though they were the first time he had allowed himself to say them out loud. "Iโm in love with you," he confessed, his voice steady despite the raw emotion that tinged it. "Iโve been in love with you for a while now, and Iโve tried to deny it. Tried to hide it from you and myself, but I canโt anymore. I wonโt. I love you, and I need you to know that."
The breath you hadnโt realized you were holding caught in your throat. Everything in you froze, then splintered. The confession, so pure, so vulnerable, hit you with a force you hadnโt been prepared for. You stood there, unable to move, a mix of surprise and relief flooding your chest.
He loves you. Sylus. The one you had longed for, yearned, and hoped for in silence. Your heart stuttered in your chest, the world around you growing impossibly still.
"Iโฆ" you whispered, voice trembling, and you had to stop, had to steady yourself before the words could spill from your lips. "Iโve love you too," you said, your voice barely more than a breath, but it carried all the weight of everything you had kept inside. "Iโve loved you, and I never told you because I was afraid. Afraid that I was asking too much. Afraid of the rejection. Afraid that I wasnโt enough."
Sylusโs expression softened, his lips curling into a frown as he stepped forward, closing the space between you. His hands reached for you, but not in the way you had feared or expected. They were gentle, his touch a plea for understanding. "Oh, darling," he whispered, shaking his head slowly. "Iโm so sorry. Iโm sorry you ever felt like you needed to hide it from me."
He reached up, brushing his thumb along your cheek, and you flinched slightly, your emotions suddenly overwhelming you, raw and untamed. "Weโre both idiots," he continued, his voice almost tender with the weight of the admission. "Weโve been skirting around each other, afraid of saying the one thing we both needed to say."
Your laugh came out soft, almost fragile, the tension in your chest breaking for the first time since Sylus had walked into your home. It was a quiet sound, but it was the first time youโd laughed all night, the first time youโd allowed yourself to feel something other than fear or uncertainty in the past few weeks with him involved. But that laugh didnโt last long. As soon as it came, the tears followed, the ones you had been holding back for so long, finally slipping free. The dam you had built up crumbled, and before you could stop them, hot tears streamed down your face. before you could even reach up to brush them away, his hand was there, steady and warm against your cheek.
"Donโt," you whispered, your voice thick with the ache you could no longer hide. "Please, donโt look at me like this. Iโmโ"
"Stop," Sylus interrupted softly, his hand holding yours gently, his gaze unwavering. "Donโt hide from me. I want to see all of youโฆ everything youโve been hiding. I know you think I donโt see it, but I do." His eyes locked onto yours with such intensity that you couldnโt look away. "I see it when you think Iโm not watching. I see the way you pull back, the way you hide the parts of you that you think I canโt handle. But I am looking. Iโve always been looking. And I donโt want you to hide anymore. Not from me. And Iโm here and I want all of you."
His words were a medicine to the parts of you that had been bruised, the parts that had feared being exposed, vulnerable. But in his eyes, there was only love. No judgment. No pity. Just... love. And it was enough. It was more than enough.
The tears that had slipped down your face slowed, but they didnโt stop. You didnโt try to wipe them away this time, allowing yourself to be seen for the first time in ages. The sobs that followed were soft but trembled with relief, with something finally breaking open inside of you.
Sylusโs arms were around you in an instant, pulling you close, holding you in the kind of embrace that made you feel as though you could finally breathe, as though the weight of everything you had been carrying could finally be set down.
"Iโm sorry," you whispered, almost broken. "Iโve been so scared, Sylus. Scared of this, of being cast away... of losing you."
"Youโll never lose me, Darling." he murmured, his voice firm and unwavering as he pressed a soft kiss to your forehead.
You tilted your head back slightly, your face still damp with the remnants of the tears that had fallen, and through your wet lashes, you searched his face. Sylus held you close, his arms wrapped around you in a way that made you feel safe, even as the doubts lingered in your heart. You wanted to believe him, but the fear, the uncertainty, was still there, buried deep beneath the surface.
He must have seen it in your eyes, the way you still hesitated, the uncertainty you couldn't quite shake. Sylus made a half-frustrated sound in the back of his throat, his hands tightening around you for a split second, before they slid up to cradle your face. His thumb brushed against your cheek again, a tender, pleading touch, before he leaned in, his lips finding yours in a sudden, urgent kiss.
The kiss was unlike any other. It wasnโt slow, it wasnโt soft. It was intense, filled with desperation, as though he needed you to understand just how deeply he felt for you, just how much you meant to him. His hands cupped your face, holding you as if you were the only thing that mattered in that moment, as if the world had stopped turning just for you. His lips pressed against yours with a kind of fire, but it wasnโt angry, no. It was passionate, desperate in its own way, like he wanted you to feel how important you were to him, how much you had been wanted, loved.
Your hands trembled as they reached up, gripping the collar of his shirt, pulling him closer, wanting to bridge the distance between you, as though the kiss itself could erase every lingering doubt in your heart. Your breath hitched when you felt his pulse quicken under your touch, his heartbeat matching the frantic pace of your own. Each breath you took seemed to echo in the stillness of the room, mingling with the heat of his kiss, our lips moving together with a quiet urgency, the world beyond the two of you fading into a distant blur. You felt everythingโevery brush of his fingers, every subtle shift of his body against yours, the way his chest rose and fell beneath your palms, how his breath felt against your lips as if he couldnโt get close enough to you.
Your chests rose and fell together, the world spinning around you. You could feel the heat of him, the urgency that still lingered in his touch, the way he kept you close, almost as if he were afraid to let go.
Breathing became an afterthought, both of you gasping for air when the kiss broke, but neither of you pulled far enough away to lose the connection. Sylusโs forehead rested against yours, his breath hot against your lips as he whispered, voice still heavy with emotion. โEvery day, from henceforth, I will work to make sure you never feel the need to doubt yourself. Not in my life. Not with me." His words, slow and deliberate, sank deep into your heart like a promise he would keep.
The intensity of the moment hung between you both, the room still, save for the soft sound of your breathing as you both slowly came back to reality. But in his eyes, you saw nothing but certaintyโcertainty that you were enough. That you always had been.
His hand found yours again, fingers weaving with yours, and he gave it a gentle squeeze, as if the simple touch was a quiet reassurance.
"You are everything to me," he murmured, his voice steady now, grounding you as much as his embrace. "And Iโll make sure you never forget that.โ
Your eyes fluttered shut for a moment, absorbing his words, his warmth, his certainty. In his arms, you could feel the truth of his promise, somewhere deep inside, the doubts began to fade.
For the first time in a long time, you believed him. And when he kissed you again, this time softer, it was like the beginning of something new.
[ A disclaimer note - Please be respectful of the request ]
AN: reblogs, feedback and opinions are appreciated!
personally i love it when people i know change pronouns. hell yeah you're entering a new phase of self-discovery! or maybe returning to an old familiar seasonal home!!! either way you have so much gender euphoria ahead, proud of u bitch!
warnings: smut || pt 2 to and i wouldn't marry me either
summary: Jinshi's getting desperate to bed you.
ๅค
Jinshi contemplates what kind of a ring to get you. He really does. He looks through the designs that had been initially made for your marriage, but he finds inspiration in none of them. You would suit a ring that's crafted with only the finest of materials, not a ring that was just bought from the streets. Though, you had been going out with Maomao more often with some guards to have fun and buy food. At some point, the palace chefs are going to need to learn how to make a roujiamo that tastes like the ones on the street and not the fancy food that you had grown used to having.
He calls Maomao and Gaoshun for help picking a ring, but ultimately neither of them come up with something that would suit you. (He even asks his mother, but she is no help either.)
So, he rots in the confinement of your shared office, head spinning as he sketches more and more ring designs. The one of the current empress is nice, but it is not something of your style. The one that his mother had received was pretty as well, but not something that he desired to put on you. Perhaps a simple jade ring of your size would do better, but it seemed too plain compared to the kind of treatment he was supposed to give you. A simple jade ring would be fitting for him, but not necessarily for you. He would give you gold, but he wasn't quite sure what kind of a ring design would fit you.
He's gonna age from this, he swears.
Yet, he continues sketching at it between his paperwork, frowning at how big of a demand there are for eunuchs. The lower ranking concubines were still desperate, he finds. Perhaps especially with the announcement of his marriage... not announcement. He was married, but with the revealing of his marriage, it seems some concubines are gettingย desperateย for some sexual release. Jinshi... really is no better than they are. He finds that he can't sit still around you these days.
He's... desperate. Yeah. Desperate is the right word.
"Rotting in here again?"
"You know, I'm starting to think you're actually Diu from your actions." Jinshi grumbles from his desk, shoving the paper with the ring designs to the side, catching your eye.
"To be fair, I am him, and he is me." You pick up the paper, tilting your head at the ring designs. "Designing rings for me? How sweet of you. Why not just use one from the treasury?"
"You deserve a new one." He groans. "I wanted to design one for you."
"Why not just gold?" You hum. "And then thread a pearl and jade orb through them."
"A jade ring would be nice." Jinshi hums, staring up at the pin in your hair. "To match your pin."
"Whatever you design." You hum. "I'm sure I will be satisfied."
"It has to be perfect." He mopes. "Or else I will not forgive myself."
"That's rather harsh on yourself." You hum, reaching for his brush as you sketch a design. "I liked the ring presented to the empress."
"The blue gem?"
You tap your chin. "Though, the gold isn't my favorite combination." You finish your sketch, noting down the color scheme, and Jinshi blinks at the choice.
"You just want a plain jade ring?"
"For the wedding ring." You blink. "The westerners are quite intriguing with the tales they tell. The women there boast many rings."
"You went to the west?"
You shrug. "A season is plenty of time to explore."
"She went to a port city." Maomao speaks up from the door. "Gaoshun is asking for the report."
"I sent it to him already?" You raise a brow.
"The one regarding the ceremony in the winter."
"Ah." Jinshi's fingers slide down the stack, pulling out a booklet between all of it. "Here."
Maomao nods, pausing as she catches wind of the ring design. "How about a ring with the royal family's seal?"
"I'm not becoming crown prince." Jinshi grimaces.
"I am sure the emperor would allow it regardless."
"I don't want a ring like that." You pause. "though, it would be quite a statement to wear it on the pinky."
"You want a divorce?!" Jinshi cries, heartbroken as Maomao leaves the room with the report.
"No." You shrug. "I might if you keep putting off the concubines' requests."
Jinshi jumps in his skin as he goes back to the papers, and you glance at the ring you've drawn.
"Carve a jade ring with a phoenix for our wedding ring. I do not desire gold." You hum. "And you are to have a dragon on yours."
Jinshi looks up at you, eyes gentle as he drinks in your figure under the setting sun, summer wind rustling the leaves outside, heat not too much to handle either. There is something delicate and breathless about you to him. You are worth so much, yet he had to spend such little time compared to the age of the universe to prove that you are his only one. Time is suck a fickle thing when it came to the clouds and sky. He supposes that's more a reason to treat you well and make up for time lost.
"Is that all you want?"
"What else would I want?"
"How about a jade pendant?"
"With the royal family's seal carved into it?"
Jinshi laughs. "Why not my last name?"
"Sure, pretty prince."
Jinshi flushes.
็ง
You have tea with Ah-Duo a lot during fall. The weather cools bit by bit, and you sit in your yard, peeling the sugarcane as she looks through the files, humming at your writing, each stroke nice and clean. She puts the papers down, a maid rushing over to take them to your study, and she glances at the sickle and cane in your hand. It seems you have found new talents outside of the palace walls. It fills her with a sense of warmth, almost.
"How do you feel about the new eunuchs?" She hums.
"Some of them are rather attractive." You hum, not paying much mind as you cut off a piece for the lady.
"Is that so? Yue would have a heart attack if he heard you say that." She takes the piece, popping it in her mouth as she chews, humming. "It's sweet. I like it."
"That's good." You laugh. "I had the chefs just hand me whichever one." You continue to hack at the crop with the sickle. "Jinshi would be fine."
"I doubt it." She hums, spitting out the dry cane into the bowl prepared beforehand by the maids. "He is rather protective when it comes to things he desires... you included."
"It is only recently that he has become protective over me." You hum, putting a piece into your own mouth as you chew. She was right. It is sweet. "Which is also why he refuses to become the imperial prince."
"You would make a great empress."
"I would." You chuckle. "I have been raise for the role, after all."
"Though, this is better." She smiles. "You are happier like this."
"Oh, well as empress, I suppose I would not do too much. Jinshi, though? That poor man."
"He would have quite the work set out for him." She hums. "Though, you would be there to support him."
"I suppose." You hum. "It would be better had you been ascended to the position of empress."
"What is done is done." She hums. "I find it more amusing that your talk with the emperor of letting me visit worked."
You snort. "I saw the chance and took it. It would be a shame to not host you at least once in a house that is now warm."
"I suppose so." She smiles. "Does it not hurt to cut the sugarcane yourself?"
"It does not." You hum. "My hands are stained with sugar, and I work up a good sweat. I find it fun."
"Fun?"
You snap the plant in half, handing the peeled half to Ah-Duo as you continue with the unpeeled half.
She bites it, humming. "It is good. Is there a reason to cut it? I no longer remember."
"It's so you can get the most of it." You offer her one of the knives on the table. "Be careful not to cut yourself."
"I will." She nods. "Have you learned anything else?"
"A foreigner showed me how to peel a pomegranate." You pause. "Oh, and I have developed a strange talent for peeling oranges. It is incredible how clean it can peel with the right tools."
She nods, popping a piece into her mouth.
"How are the children?" You tilt your head, cutting another piece to put in the central bowl.
"They are faring well." She hums. "They are children, after all."
"I suppose." You mumble. "Jinshi went a little insane on their family."
"Not to mention he had full right, holding the army seal." She chuckles. "I heard from the maids that the imperial court threw a fit upon the realization that you had been holding onto something so precious and had just casually given it to Jinshi in order to save a maid."
"Not just any maid at the time." You snort. "Jinshi'sย dearย maid."
"Of course." She smiles. "Though, he had been in love you. He had simply pushed it down."
"Like father like son, I suppose." You mumble. "Has the emperor visited?"
"Not yet." She pauses. "Is he planning so?"
You turn your head at the sound of footsteps.
"Jinshi." You hum, smiling.
He steps over to press his lips to your forehead, smiling fondly at your juice-stained hands, only freezing when he remembers his mother is with you. "...niang."
Ah-Duo waives her hand. "How cute."
Jinshi flushes, and you chuckle, pinching his cheek.
"You needed something?"
"The emperor is coming for a visit, niang." He pauses. "To our residence. He will be visiting the tearoom."
You raise a brow at Jinshi.
Jinshi shakes his head at you.
"Very well." You grin, shaking Jinshi off of you as you peel the sugarcane with eerie accuracy, cutting the rest into bits for the late consort to enjoy. "You can take the bowl."
"None for me?" Jinshi pouts.
"The emperor matters more in this case." You shrug. "I shall send some maids to accompany you."
"Alone will be fine." Ah-Duo nods. "Thank you."
You smile as she leaves, and Jinshi takes her spot, pouting at the sugarcane she had left behind.
"I want a bite."
You take the plant from him, cutting pieces off for him, watching as he chews, reaching for his throat as he threatens to swallow. This fucking dumbass.
You pry his jaw open, ignoring the fact that your hands probably taste like some sort of sugar, ordering him to spit it out. He listens, dry cane spat into the bowl you've held before his mouth, and his spit slides down with hit, the poor male panting like some bitch in heat. You let go of his mouth, exhaling as you mumble. "Good boy."
The words ring in Jinshi's head and shoot straight to his dick, and he licks your fingers unconsciously, eyes half-lidded as he tastes the sugar on them. Wait.
fuck.
He was NOT supposed to do that.
You freeze as something brushes your knee, and you stare into Jinshi's eyes as he stares back up at you, blinking rapidly, praying you wouldn't point it out. The two of you meet eyes, and you back up, sitting back down as the two of you wait for the other to speak up. Jinshi refuses to speak up.
You break the silence. "I'll wait."
"Thank you." He mumbles, cheeks red in embarrassment as he rushes off to somewhere private.
This is awful.
ๅฌ
some days you wonder how long Jinshi went without sexual release.
It's a strange thought, really. So, when you and Jinshi are wedded and you're waiting for him on the wedding night in your shared bed, you don't know what to think. Alright, wedded is the wrong word. The two of you are rewedded, and you are dressed in the robes the late empress had prepared for the two of you to sleep together in. You think it's too little, but apparently it's supposed to rile Jinshi up. Speaking of Jinshi, you wonder how he's dealt with getting boners. He... can't sleep with someone because he's a eunuch, but he can't just leave himself hard forever.
Jinshi stares at you from the door as you're lost in thought.
Skin. You're showing skin. He feels rabid at the sightโ as though he were some carnivore in the wild, grew before his eyes. He feels as though he would go feral if he were to get his hands on you, so he stands there, collecting himself. He can't scare you off. He finally has you in his hands again, this time treating you properly, and he can't just scare you off because he's wanted to touch you for ages but couldn't.
"Jinshi?" You tilt your head at him, and he musters up a smile.
"I don't want to scare you." He pauses. "But I fear the maids did a littleย tooย good of a job with you."
He offers you a drink, and the two of you down it before you lick your lips to speak up.
"Why? You want to defile me?" You lean forward, almost as if to emphasize your point, and Jinshi flushes red.
"I really wonder how you learned to flirt like that when you were Diu." Jinshi sits next to you, fingers pushing your hair back as he leans in. "This is fine, right?"
"Would be funnier if I were Diu right n-" You're cut off as Jinshi presses his lips to have you shut up. He loves you, but god, were you infuriating sometimes. It was as though the winter and spring without him had changed you into a different personโ not that he minded. You're charming no matter how you act or react. Your hair scrunches between his palm and fingers, and you tilt your head to give him better access, passion and longing staining your face as he presses his lips to yours and his fingers bloody with something he's wanted forever. Some sort of twisted passion beats from his chest to yours, a whimper spilling past his lips as you thread your fingers through his hair.
He only pulls away when you soften against him, chest pressed to his as he feels your muscles tensing from the lack of breath.
"You still with me?" He moves his hand out, your hair slipping between his fingers as you hang your head to breathe.
"I sure wish you weren't good at everything you did," You keep your head hung, unraveling his robes with ease, palming his cock through the fabric wrapped around his waist. Jinshi's hips shift slightly for more friction, and your hand presses down on his hipbone, forcing him to still as you pull on the strand to free him, licking your lips at his length. "I don't think you're going to fit, pretty boy."
"We'll make it fit." He hisses out as you let the spit on your tongue roll onto the tip of his cock, smearing the precum with your saliva, your fingers smooth against his length as you spread it. Jinshi whimpers as you do, the ring around your finger cool against his skin, and you lean in to stare up at him through your lashes, biting your bottom lip as your hand speeds up. Jinshi whimpers, hand flying to wrap around your wrist and hold you still, and you tilt your head, yelping as he takes your lips pushing you back into the mattress. You lean into the kiss as he tugs on the bow, string coming out and top falling off with ease as his fingers brush your tits, thumb pressed to your nipple, humming into your mouth at the feeling of it hard. "Let me take care of you tonight." He huffs, pulling from you as he forces your tits up with his hands, pinching your nipple to catch a wince from you.
"Mean." You pout, no real annoyance on your face, and Jinshi busies himself with your chest, lips pressing a kiss to the meat of your chest, biting downโ almost as though to mark you as his territory. It irks him some days that the maids still have lingering crushes on you from when you were Diu. So, his bites trail up from your chest to your neck, canines crazing over your pulse point as he bites down, hands sliding down to hold your waist as you crane your neck and whimper. Jinshi leans to force his chest to yours, and your fingers curl uncomfortably next to you as he sucks on your neck, purple blooming across your skin wherever his lips were.
"You're so pretty." Jinshi mumbles, finally pulling his lips off of you with a pop, staring down at you as you're suddenly aware that you are bare. You try to hide yourself but Jinshi makes work of his hands swiftly, holding your wrists together as he rolls his hips against yours experimentally. "I wonder how much of my reading is going to pay off."
"Studying through indecent literature? How sinful of you." You arch your back as he pulls your undergarments off, spreading your legs slightly as he slides his index finger down your slit, taking note of the slick threatening to spill out.
"I'd say this is worse, though." He slides a finger into you with ease, and you whimper as he curls it, nails slightly grazing your walls, making you gasp. "You sound so sinful like this. I sure hope you didn't let any other man see you like this."
"And if I did?"
"Then I'd suppose I'd just have to ruin their life." Jinshi straightens his middle finger as he curls his index out of you, sliding both into you at once. You shift slightly at the stretch. Jinshi curses under his breath at how tight you are. He doesn't want to break you your first night. So, he spreads his fingers in you slightly, thumb on your clit as he tries to loosen you. Instead, you flutter around him, only a light gasp freeing from your lips as he furrows his brows. He spreads his fingers, trying to make space for a third and get a reaction out of you. Instead, you don't react, simply shifting your hips to accommodate the stretch from his fingers.
"Am I bad?" He pouts, thumb finding your clit.
"No." You breathe, squirming from his touch.
"Am I average?"
"Jinshi, I have no idea. This is as much of my first time as it is yours." Your wrists fight against the grip of his hand, and he lets them go, lowering his face to your pussy instead, hooking your knees over his shoulders as he pulls you up. You back arches dramatically as he wraps his arms around your thighs, and Jinshi presses his tongue flat against your cunt, licking up as you jolt. He watches as your pussy flutters around nothing, and he slides his tongue in, moaning into your against as he tastes you. So this is what you taste likeโ some mixture of sin and lust, nectar that would put even the sweetest of peaches to shame. It would drive Jinshi to madness, he supposes.
Your fingers grasp at the pillow above your head, whimpering with each flex of Jinshi's tongue, and his fingers dig into your thighs, earning a squeal from your lips as you feel something tighten in your stomach. Your eyes widen as your nails dig into the sheets and your back arches impossibly more, tears in the corner of your eyes as Jinshi sucks at your orgasm, ignoring the mess of slick sliding down his chin and splattering onto the sheets. You turn red in embarrassment at the mess, but Jinshi pays it no mind, continuing to lap at your pussy, eyes digging into yours as he puts on a show for you. You look away from his eyes, opting to make a mess on his tongue instead, eyes rolled to the back of your head as a second orgasm crashes upon you. Jinshi drinks it up just as eagerly as the last, eyes half-lidded as
Your legs shake as Jinshi lets you down, fingers wiping the slick from his face as he pumps himself with it, and then sliding his tip beneath the hood of your clit to further coat his dick in your cum. You shift against his cock, grinding lightly into him as he chuckles. "Patience, beloved."
"I'd say you're worse than me." You heave, walls fluttering around Jinshi's length as he slides in. He notices the way your skin lifts with him inside of you, and he presses down on the bulge, blinking slowly. You gasp, stomach flexing out of instinct, pussy clenching around Jinshi with a hiss. Jinshi stays still, thumb brushing your clit to incite a reaction from you, earning him a lewd whimper. The sound shoots straight to his cock, head spinning as he slides his palm up your abdomen to your chest, pinching your nipple as he swallows.
"This is fine, right?"
"Insecure?" You roll your hips in affirmation. "I wouldn't have married you or let you catch me if it wasn't."
"Tease." He grumbles, taking your legs and folding them to your shoulders, forcing himself further into you. You moan, clenching around him as he moves, holding you down by the hips as he slams into you with each thrust, gasps slipping past your lips and colors in your vision as he moves. Flowers blossom in your lungs as you try to catch your breath, head spinning deliciously at the taste of Jinshi's lips on yours, a light fragrance from the rice wine he had taken mixing with the one on your lips, and you moan into his mouth, squirming from his touch. Your legs relax over his shoulders as he presses into you, fingers digging into the plush of your thighs, hair sliding off his shoulders to cage you in as you whimper.
The wind rustles the trees outside as you cum around Jinshi the first time, brows knit together and eyes closed as your face twists from the unfamiliar sensation, head thrown back and lips parting once the crash ended, and Jinshi stills, hand reaching to brush your hair to the side, cupping your face with his hand. "You alright?"
"Felt weird." You mumble. "Did you..?"
"No." Jinshi hums. "Would you like me to? Inside?"
"I don't mind." You whisper.
"Alright," He starts moving again, focusing on himself as your legs slide off his shoulders and fall into the mattress, hooking behind his pelvis as he thrusts, your arms wrapping around his shoulders as he pistons into you, your breath caught in your throat as you see white and stars, drool threatening to leak down your chin and choke you with your head thrown back and muscles tense. Jinshi pants into your ear as he feels himself get close, pulsing and ebbing inside of you with each roll of his hips, your name spilling past his lips in some sort of raw desperation and begging, only spilling into you once you call his name back through your cloudy haze, white painting your walls as white fills your vision, the same white visible in the air on the snowy trees.
His breath mixes with yours as he rests his forehead on yours, bare skin pressed to yours, sweat and cum mixing with your own, the two of you merged as one. In the distant past, you loved him until it physically destroyed you, and in the distant future he will love you until he is stuck in the same destruction that had dragged you away from him. Only then would he forgive himself, lips spreading into a gentle smile, eyes staring into yours as yours are closed, catching your breath as your chest rises and falls, vine of hickeys and bruises trailing down from your neck to your waist. Your walls flutter around him as you recover from another orgasm, skin flushed like peonies as Jinshi tilts his head to press a kiss to your shoulder.
"Still with me?" He presses his palm to your cheek, palm brushing your skin.
"Yes." You pant, grimacing at the squelch that sounds when he pulls out of you.
"I wonder if we'll be with child."
"I doubt it's this easy." You mumble, lashes fluttering. "Would you want one?"
"Up to you." He mumbles, reaching to the side to pour himself another glass of wine. "We do not have to worry about succession either."
"Oh, I've never been so thankful to have not ended up where I was supposed to." You sigh in relief.
"You do not want one?"
"Not my priority." You hum. "Unless you wish for one."
"You are my priority." Jinshi hums, offering you a glass. "Another?"
"No." You roll onto your stomach to stretch your back. "We have plenty of time as well."
"I suppose." Jinshi hums, holding his hand out for yours.
You give him your right hand, and he pouts.
"Your left. The ring."
You free your arm and hold it out, and Jinshi kisses your knuckles gently, eyes closed as he hums contently.
"We match." He smiles, lips curled into a gentle smile, eyes full of a warmth you had forgotten he was capable of. You smile, a laugh bubbling out of your chest as he fiddles with your fingers, some sort of domestic ambiance filling the room. And just like that, your anxieties fade away, and a smile makes way on your face.
"I love you." He hums, lips pressed to your forehead as he lays next to you, still holding your hand, his ring brushing against yours.
"I love you too." and you close your eyes, body relaxing into his, heartbeat one below the missing sun.
PV really didn't need to have a whole toxic yaoi arc, tell Shadow Milk they were "meant to be", agree with Shmilk that he's his, and merge their God damn souls together but go off king. Love wins or smthn
hardest chapter to make, i had so many ideas i wanted to add that it was overwhelming, so i procrastinated ๐
also 4 more chapters ๐ซก
Synopsis: After 7 years of enduring the mediaโs relentless pursuit of painting you as a villain, youโre forced to go on an indefinite hiatus with a tainted reputation on your head. However, just when you thought your career was over, a certain 5WIRL member wants you to feature on his solo album. Surely, this wonโt affect your reputation once more, would it?
synopsis : a short series of scenarios where japan's strongest anti-kaiju combatant, narumi gen, is married to his childhood friend and has been since they both turned eighteen. โfor tax benefitsโ he claims (and for love, too- but he would never admit something like that to anyone), and the defence force is unfortunate enough to witness their numerous antics over the years.
content : spoilers to the manga + b-side, lots of crack, fluff, slight angst, childhood friends to married couple, gender neutral reader, no use of y/n, reader works in the jakdf, brief mentions of gambling, all works are sfw and most can be read as a standalone. more cws will be added as more chapters are released. dm me if i've missed anything!
a/n : this is just very very mildly inspired by the song 'seventeen' from the heathers musical, so uhh, watch out. this fic is also to celebrate my beautiful bbg narumi gen being animated next episode <3
romaincrisis
gummygunk
andulkaphoto
snowghoul
discoholicmusic
jacobvanloon
pixelskylines
