I'm a roller, I'm a rider

[lawyer-smythe]

Text || Brobastian

Brody: You would, but I'd have to argue that you're wrong. I know you don't like to admit being second to anyone, but we both know I've got the edge when it comes to making a guy into a sore, screaming, useless fuckpile of non-existent ass an inconceivable amount times in one night. I mean, of course I have no problem defending my title, but I mean, I just worry about your self-esteem if you focus too hard on it.

Brody: How do you interact with people every day and not have to fake nice? Lawyers can't possibly all enjoy butting heads at every opportunity. But either way, we can't all be button-pushing asshats or nothing would ever get done and we'd have no customers, in which case some of us would have no job and have to move back to Elko. I think I'll just go ahead and stick with the Stepford-smiling.

Bas: You should know by now, Brodes. I'm never wrong. I don't know about that; you should hear some of the noises that you come out with while I'm rocking your world. They might not be as loud as mine, but they really are quite something. But you know what? Actions speak louder than words. My self-esteem will be perfectly fine as usual - it's /your/ ego that you need to worry about.

Bas: Just because I refuse to fake a smile doesn't mean I'm constantly antagonising people. Don't get me wrong - there are times I have to bite back some snark if the situation doesn't call for it, but it doesn't mean I'm gonna act like I'm everyone's BFF. I just want their money, and I'm damn good at my job, so they'll just have to deal.

[glvtab-blog]

who do you think are the //best// friends at Dalton?

Why Trent and Sebastian, of course!  You know that Sunshine lives and breathes for his French poodle soulmate.  Pure perfection.

That said, if we’re talking “special” best friends– like with all the benefits?  That’s probably Brittany Pierce and Santana Lopez, let’s be real.  I mean, I don’t think that blonde goes amiss for anything with Satan around, right?

Oh my god, you are so right. Yes, it’s true, Sebastian and I are the best of friends, there is no denying that. I’d take a bullet for that guy because lord knows that he angers enough people that it could actually happen some day. 

@lawyer-smythe @daltonpr-lopez

[lawyer-smythe]

Nice try, but I’m afraid that my actual best friend is @mr-blaindersin. As I keep trying to tell you on an almost weekly basis. I gotta wonder if my emails are even sending, or if anyone in charge of this shit has the ability to actually comprehend words. 

[lawyer-smythe]

mr-blaindersin:

Okay, okay, you win. This time. 

I’m up to 3; you may want to come fix that before I die of heat stroke. 

That’s what I like to hear.

Well, we can’t be having that, can we? I guess it’s my duty as your best friend to save you from your tragic fate. Be right there.

[glvtab-blog]

Did you hear that someone broke into a warehouse and stole $40k worth of condoms and sex toys? Do you think any Warblers would try to use a Five Finger discount at When I Get You Alone?

Wow– only in Vegas, right?  I mean, I get what you’re saying though: high end products, and we definitely have our fair share of exhibitionists.  And, to be accurate, there were two thieves plowing through the aisles there.  So if you were asking who I think would be the most likely to try something like that… I’d go with Puck or Santana, wouldn’t you?  They both seem capable of impulsive and yet efficient B&E.

As for our own Adult Retail center though, I would certainly hope that no one was trying to walk out with a vibrator between their legs.  I mean, we already get an employee discount, so it’s kind of pathetic if you are so desperate for stimulation that you’d risk your job on that sort of thing.  It’s Las Vegas, people!  Just go find a tourist!

[lawyer-smythe]

daltonpr-lopez:

Unless you consider talent-poaching a klepto thing, you’re barking up the wrong phile, gavel-sucker.  Really?  I’m curious which part was making things up?  I mean, I admit I can speculate with the rest of them, but Street Smarts 101 is how to make an educated guess: something I’m assuming you opted out for in favor of An Overview of Day Drinking and Hiding a Hangover Thru the Ages.  How is being a patronizing dick owning anything?  In fact, it sounded not five seconds ago like you were accusing me of making shit up about you taking it up the ass.  Seriously, Smythe?  You don’t have to take five steps in this hotel to hear about one of your little exploitations.  I’m surprised the Bosses haven’t declared you a health hazard for the hotel.  I, on the other hand, would like to keep my job, so I manage to keep the blood above my waist long enough to weigh risk and benefit when it comes to my sexcapades.   

That’s a loaded question, but I guess we can start with your tendency to assign your own kinks to other people just to make yourself look less guilty. Not that it works, but I digress. Alright, well you can't really put "Street Smarts" and "educated guess" in the same sentence. First of all, "street smarts" is what people say when they don't have shit to show for themselves in the ways of intelligence - so I guess it's a term you use on a near-daily basis, huh?  Second, an "educated guess" is something you're by no means qualified to make, so if I were you, I wouldn't even try. Was I? I know that big words can be hard to understand for you, but I didn't say shit about whether or not I like it up the ass. Hey, it's nothing to be ashamed of - the prostate is a magical thing. I’ll try to keep my language simple from now on to avoid this kind of confusion in the future, though. I’m perfectly capable of having an awesome sex life and keeping my job, thank you. It’s not my fault that you’re more dispensable than I am.

[lawyer-smythe]

mr-blaindersin:

You got me, that would be a tragedy. And yes, I know that as well, even though you look really good in them. 

And yet, here I am, still in my room, wearing a sweater. Maybe I should put another one on…

Ah, but I look even better without them. Easy access. 

That sounds like a challenge. Put on as many layers as you want. It’s not like it’s gonna take me long to get you out of them. 

[lawyer-smythe]

weston-sin:

Poor thing.  Especially when you consider who the Higher Ups will choose to keep comfortable when it comes to the guy they’re paying to pretend to push around paperwork versus the people spending their weekly paychecks on a daily basis.  I guess you’ll just have to grab a blanket and another cup of coffee.

You are such a moron: you //were// at the last monthly meeting.  I dragged your lazy ass there myself.  But you are aware that those things are mandatory, right?  How you have not been written up yet is one of life’s great mysteries.  Oh, no: I could totally suck you off and get my own work done.  I just know for fact that you a) completely suck at subtlety, and 2) are completely useless when I get through with you.  So basically there’d be a screaming pile of post-orgasm peacock by the time I was through.  And then you’d get in trouble for lack of efficacy, get fired, kicked out of the hotel, and then I’d have to find someone else to drink with again.  Really, a little patience is just such an easier solution– this is actually all for your benefit, Bas.

Screw that, I’m bringing in a space heater. Just because everyone else needs to suffer this crap doesn’t mean I need to. Hey, I’m valued - it’s possible to work hard and party hard, you know. I’m just better known for the latter. You say that like I don’t refill my coffee every hour or so. Fuck knows I need something to get through this mind-numbing paperwork. 

Yeah? I must’ve blanked that one out. Just because I’m there doesn’t mean I need to be paying attention, Brodes. We’d be in a locked room, asshole. Do you really think my office hasn’t been used for this exact purpose before? As flattered as I am by your concern, you really don’t need to worry about my ass getting fired - I’m too pretty to be let go. 

[lawyer-smythe]

Just be honest, Stripper Pole– you just like to complain to hear yourself talk.  Or possibly to see if you can catch any Snake Milk between check-in calls with Daddy Shark.  Because I’m pretty sure it’s been the same temperature in this place since it opened.    And seriously, Sebastian?  Are you still getting your rocks off that Ivy League stick in your ass?  You do realize that a place that costs half of your trust fund is only worth it if you actually have the grades to show for it?  A well-earned business degree from a UC will always look better than majoring in Drinking Ball Sweat from Harvard.   Hey, better to be hired for Affirmative Action than pure nepotism.  At least I know that when I’m not fired, it’s because I can do my job and not because Daddy’s pulling the strings.

Wow, have you got a porsche to go with that Freudian focus?  I’m pretty sure no one whose last name isn’t Smythe cares about your dick, Frog Legs.  I’ve got better skills at getting people off with my little finger. 

Or maybe you just don’t feel the difference because your blood runs too cold. How exactly is it that you hide your scales around the customers, San? Because I gotta say, I think that some of them are almost convinced that you might be human. My, my, aren’t we presumptuous? As much as it might pain you to admit that I’m better than you in every sense, I have a well-earned degree from a prestigious school. You might as well face it - you’re jealous of me. As you should be. 

If you knew anything about Freud, then you’d know that it says more about you than it does me. I wasn’t trying to imply that you had penis envy, but I guess if that’s where your mind went, then there must be some truth to it. While it’s adorable you think you can make me doubt my skills in bed, Lopez, everyone else has been enthusiastically complimentary, so excuse me if I don’t cry myself to sleep at night just because someone can’t accept defeat. 

[lawyer-smythe]

Text || Brobastian

Brody: I can't imagine there are many situations where you'd be familiar with the word uncomfortable. And I know better than to try to one-up you when it comes to sex. I mean, unless we're talking orgasms, because then I kick your ass.

Brody: Not everyone needs their ass figuratively chewed out, Bas. Sometimes you need to play nice-nice so you can continue having good working relations. I'll make some calls in the future to smooth things over preemptively. There's no reason to automatically put people on the defensive.

Bas: Are we talking about giving or receiving? Because I'd say we're about equal on the former. Although I'd be happy to test that one out ;)

Bas: Boring. No amount of money can ever make me want to play nice with people who are clearly tedious to deal with. But I guess that's why I don't have a job that deals with fake niceties.

[lawyer-smythe]

weston-sin:

The ACs connected to the whole building, Sebastian, so actually your competition for financials is with the gamblers downstairs and not the electric company.

What?  You mean you’ve actually been forced to be productive during work hours?  What kind of world do we live in where the high-rollers have to earn their paycheck?  As tempting as the offer is, however, as a meager manager, I’ve got to finish up this paperwork sooner rather than later or some fat white guys will be complaining that there isn’t enough fillet to go around or something.

Eh, details. I don’t care who I’m competing is, I just want to be able to sit in my office comfortably without freezing to death. 

It’s a tragedy, I know. Next they’ll be forcing me to actually attend the monthly meetings. What, and you can’t finish up your paperwork with your dick in my mouth? Help me out here, Brodes. You’ll thank me for it.

[lawyer-smythe]

daltonpr-lopez:

Seriously?  It’s fucking sweating balls outside, and you’re complaining about the air conditioner being on?  What’s wrong, Slim Jim?  Has your dick shrunk to an even more embarrassing size?  Didn’t realize that was possible with you, but I guess the whining would make sense.

I'm complaining about it being too high, but I guess it's not your fault that you lack the ability to come to that logical conclusion - the odds were stacked against you from day one. Tell me, what kind of education did you get that the hotel managed to look past your low IQ to get to where you are today? Did they hire you to fill a diversity quota? Actually, scratch that. I just answered my own question.

Stop obsessing over my dick, Lopez. I know you’re thirsty, but I told you already - I’m not that desperate. 

[lawyer-smythe]

mr-blaindersin:

You could always just do what I do–sweaters. They’re a godsend. 

What, and deprive everyone of ogling my flawless skin? Come on, B, you of all people should know by now that I don’t do sweaters. But for the record, I don’t mind that you do. It’s like unwrapping a gift, and it’s always worth it when I manage to rid you of those pesky layers.

[lawyer-smythe]

Text || Brobastian

Brody: I was once in a threesome with a girl with a strap-on. Does that count? Not limping though, to be fair-- just uncomfortable.

Brody: You can't see my eyes rolling, but they're putting me in danger of crashing my truck thanks to you. I don't want to argue with people-- the faster I can go through the paces, the better everything flows, the less I have to worry about anything. Eh, I got some bonus supplies. I'll call it a win.

Bas: Can't say I haven't been there, but like you said, it rarely ends in limping. Although, uncomfortable isn't the word I'd use either.

Bas: What? That was pretty tame for me. Clearly I need to up my game if that's how low the bar is. Call it what you want, but sometimes people need to be taken down a peg or ten. Making them reevaluate their life decisions is always a bonus.

[glvtab-blog]

Did you hear that someone broke into a warehouse and stole $40k worth of condoms and sex toys? Do you think any Warblers would try to use a Five Finger discount at When I Get You Alone?

Wow– only in Vegas, right?  I mean, I get what you’re saying though: high end products, and we definitely have our fair share of exhibitionists.  And, to be accurate, there were two thieves plowing through the aisles there.  So if you were asking who I think would be the most likely to try something like that… I’d go with Puck or Santana, wouldn’t you?  They both seem capable of impulsive and yet efficient B&E.

As for our own Adult Retail center though, I would certainly hope that no one was trying to walk out with a vibrator between their legs.  I mean, we already get an employee discount, so it’s kind of pathetic if you are so desperate for stimulation that you’d risk your job on that sort of thing.  It’s Las Vegas, people!  Just go find a tourist!

[daltonpr-lopez]

Excuse me?  I’m 100% Sex Goddess here, and don’t need to go around buying fucking diamond-encrusted anal plugs or whatever to leave my playmates and me smiling.  However, I can think of a certain Ken Doll that would be exploding with glee for an overpriced dick-pump, among other things.  So the real question is @lawyer-smythe where were you and your latest fuckboi suckah last night? 

[lawyer-smythe]

Really, San? You don’t think I can't afford to buy out that place if I really wanted to? Maybe the reason that you're being accused is because you walk and act like you have something permanently jammed up your ass. But hey - far be it from me to judge you on what gets you off. That’s between you and the sad sack that's just desperate enough to join you. 

[lawyer-smythe]

weston-sin:

Poor Little Rich Boy.  Have you been outside, Mr. Smythe?  It’s triple-digits.  I’m guessing you’d prefer Mongolia to the Sudan, right? 

And anyways, maybe if you didn’t spend so much of the day with your pants around your ankles, it wouldn’t be so bad…

Hey - it’s not like turning down the AC is asking for much. Wouldn’t it actually save money? 

Sadly, my pants have been up all day - but you’re more than welcome to come and change that if you insist. Nothing heats a person up faster than body heat, after all.

[lawyer-smythe]

[Txt] I fucking hate merchandisers. What are you doing tonight? I need a drink.

[Txt] You, apparently ;) 

[Txt] But seriously, what happened? 

[weston-sin]

[Txt] damn straight…not literally

[Txt] just old man assholes think they can lowball me.  like just because I haven’t been doing //conventions// specifically for three years they think I don’t know when they’re trying to push crap product.  I was at a damn stationary shop for over an hour arguing cardstock.  I officially hate cardstock right now.

[lawyer-smythe]

[Txt] Definitely not literally. I can’t say that “straight” sex ever has me limping as much the next day. Not that I’m complaining.

[Txt] As somebody who argues for a living, I can’t say that I wouldn’t enjoy ripping them a new one. Did you manage to get the dick to lower his prices at least? 

[lawyer-smythe]

The best thing about living in Paris was that our buildings didn’t carry the risk of us being frozen to death. Seriously, who’s in charge of the AC? Pretty sure my office is colder than Mongolia right now.

[lawyer-smythe]

[Txt] I fucking hate merchandisers. What are you doing tonight? I need a drink.

[Txt] You, apparently ;) 

[Txt] But seriously, what happened?