Nesta isn’t a bitch, she is a mirror.
And somehow this isn’t apparent to the fandom. I’m aware this isn’t a firm, cohesive explanation but I don’t have the brain capacity for this. So take it however it resonates.
Papa Archeron is negligent towards his young daughters. Nesta in return neglects his care and abandons him like he abandoned them. This becomes the foundation for her anger and hatred.
Elain is the nicest sister and treats everyone with ‘compassion’. She offers company, validation, and emotional comfort which Nesta reciprocates and goes beyond that by protecting her from the world.
Feyre is domineering and mean. It’s not explicit in her words in the beginning, but it’s always underscored in her body language, and later on during the fights when Feyre says cruel things to Nesta, which she pays back in kind.
Nesta is wary yet polite to Rhysand, Cassian, and Azriel during their initial visit. Cassian attacks first getting between Nesta and Feyre. Since then the IC treat her with hostility. The one moment Rhysand interacts with her like a person before the High Lords meeting, Nesta humours him and they share a joke. When he threatens her life or tries to control her, she retaliates.
Cassian has seen her as nothing but a vicious animal. He pokes at her, prods at her, which later results in Nesta lashing out. (I do wonder if this is why Nesta was changed from modest to hyper sexual to reflect Cassian’s exaggerated fetishisation. Can’t make him non-creepy if he goes on and on for pages about her ass while Nesta is dead serious about her virtue.)
Morrigan jokes about stealing her dress (from her body iirc) and Nesta comments on hers in return which is taken as an insult.
Amren looks at her with fascination as she does with all things Made, and Nesta reciprocates. That's why the two could develop a brief friendship.
Azriel is cordial and shows basic courtesy at times which she reflects back. He is the only one in the IC who never instigated a direct confrontation, and so their friendship.
Emerie is respectful and considerate when Nesta visits her shop. Nesta offers it back with the training and the solstice gifts.
Gwyneth values genuinity and authenticity. She pushes Nesta in the library until she is her true self instead of feigning politeness.
Nesta isn’t mean, temperamental, or sharp-tongued by herself. Instead she reflects what is directed at her. If she was just an angry bitch, we’d have moments where she lashes out at Gwyneth, Emerie or the priestesses at odd times without reason. Her disdain is always placed where it belongs, when the IC step on her boundaries or control her life, at Tamlin when she remembers what happened with Feyre, or Eris after she gets to know Morrigan’s past.
Nesta rarely initiates any interaction with the others. She needs to be pried into a conversation. She takes her time to gauge someone before she reacts to them. Often times, these first interactions set the pace for the rest of their relationship. That’s why she can have great chemistry with anyone. She mirrors them.
This can be considered a trait stemmed from her grooming which she still uses before building a relationship. Or, a lame writing trick to turn the character SJM butchered in the opening of her very first book into a likeable protagonist. Since Nesta’s inner thoughts don’t indicate she is manipulative enough or actively seeking that kind of validation from anyone, I will go with the latter.
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