There are a lot of people who love Wolf Keum. This statement goes unquestioned since we can see how Wolf is still being actively discussed in the fandom. Well, I'm not saying that other characters aren't likeable, but I'm just pointing out how Wolf’s character is pretty captivating.
That alluring feeling doesn't come from nowhere. I suppose it comes from his instinctively mysterious nature and how he was depicted in the webcomic itself. He was shown as someone who is relatively impulsive and even got marked as someone who is ‘only acting out of instinct’. However the ‘only acting out of instinct' personality is soon debunked because we can see how he has the capacity to have rational judgements and thoughts as we progressed deeper into the story.
Though, this point isn't my main point that I want to focus on, instead I want to present another thing that captured my attention and toy with it for these past few days.
Since the thoughts I will be presenting have only been turned around in my mind for a little amount of time, thus I'm hoping one shall not expect a complete, comprehensible explanation. Though I'll still try my best to elaborate each point I bring up.
“This book will perhaps only be understood by those who have themselves already thought the thoughts which are expressed in it or similar thoughts. It is therefore not a textbook. Its object would be attained if there were one person who read it with understanding and to whom it afforded pleasure.” – (Wittgenstein, Tractatus)
Wolf's personality isn’t merely enticing, but also profoundly admirable. And here, I'm not talking about his “nonchalant” personality, rather I'm more fascinated by how he lived his life in general.
We recognize the fact that he's more drawn to the given present moment, rather than fixated on the potential of the future as he can't bring himself to care about the consequences of his actions in the upcoming times. Doing what he wants is the main goal in his head. Though I’m aware that he probably doesn't have a clear distinction between wants and needs. The things he wants to do become something he needs to execute. This is perhaps why he's framed as a “mad dog” since he never hesitates on handing out a punch.
This type of trait strongly hooks my interest, because of the unattainable nature, almost impossible to embody in the real world.
Society has constructed a system in which our actions shape how we are perceived as individuals. However, identity is not merely passive, it’s also active, as we often unconsciously adjust our behavior to align with others’ perceptions of who we are supposed to be. In the end, it becomes a continuous loop of identity formation.
This sort of system forces us to be aware of our actions and sometimes we can’t help but feel a little performative since we are always weighing what other people would perceive us if we chose to do something. It makes us not only the one who is actively doing the things, but also an observer of our own doings.
I’ll bring myself as an example here. At my school, we have quite a strict rule regarding phone bringing, in which we have to print out a form and fill it before asking our parents to sign it, marking that the parents are aware we are bringing phones to school. You must have the significant urgency to have your form approved. If they deem your reasoning as not so important, then they wouldn't accept your form. Though, a lot of people bring phones to school even though they didn't fill the form.
But for me, since I am aware that I am perceived as a good kid by my teacher, I decided to just not bring my phone to school. Instead, I bring my book to read whenever I have to wait for my bus.
So? What's the issue?
I just feel performative. It feels like I'm performing the acting of a good kid that the teachers want to see. And I think this is because at that moment I'm not merely reading, but also observing the condition that I'm reading. It shows I'm not fully living in the present moment. I try to appear as “nonchalant” while reading my book, but inside I’m anxious whenever someone walks past me, because deep down, I care, perhaps too much, about how people see me whenever I read my book, considering most of the students in my school prefer to stick their eyes to their phones.
I feel performative by acting like I'm not trying to be different from others. Well, I'm not trying to be, but I hope you get what I mean. And please keep in mind that I actually like my book and enjoy myself a little reading, hence it also makes me confused why I feel this way. Might be because the perception of me being a good kid by others that unconsciously put me in a position to oblige the expectations.
Essentially, I often overthink people's judgement of me.
And seeing Wolf’s way of living his life sparked my genuine interest. I love his careless sentiment since it reveals that Wolf is really living for himself and doesn't care what people have to say about him.
He completely owns up his loss and isn't reluctant to acknowledge someone's victory. (When he was fighting with Gray, he said that he despised Gray’s dirty tricks, though at the end, we can assume Wolf granted that Gray has the ability to take him down, because there’s no desperate attempt to reclaim pride, no insistence on a rematch to reassert dominance).
Perhaps that’s what sets him apart. He doesn’t seem tethered to the usual systems that govern how people present themselves. Most people, consciously or not, adjust their behavior to fit into a narrative others can recognize. Reputation usually becomes something to maintain, but obviously he doesn’t operate like that. The idea of living up to others’ expectations of him as a “scary delinquent” doesn’t appear to concern him, not because he’s trying to reject it, but because he simply doesn’t care enough to engage with it at all.
There’s no visible effort to reinforce a persona for the sake of consistency. His actions aren’t guided by how they might be perceived or interpreted, they just are. In that sense, he feels strangely detached from the loop most people are caught in, where identity is constantly shaped and reshaped through external validation.
And that makes his actions feel real, like they’re genuinely rooted in something internal. What makes it even more compelling, though, is how unattainable that way of being feels. It almost seems incompatible with how most people function. We’re so used to moving within that loop, shaping ourselves in response to how we’re seen, even when we don’t realize it.
His detachment from that system isn’t something you can easily 'replicate', because it requires a kind of indifference most people can’t sustain. And maybe that’s where the admiration comes from.
After everything above, it’s worth clarifying that “acting in accordance with how you want to be perceived” isn’t necessarily wrong or bad. If anything, it’s a pretty fundamental part of being human. Our sense of self is constantly shaped, adjusted, and reinforced through interaction, expectation, and pressure. So that loop, where perception influences behavior, and behavior reinforces perception isn’t odd at all. Most of the time, it could actually somewhat be a great thing and beneficial.
And I’m not suggesting that Wolf exists completely outside of it either, that would make him less human. Like anyone else, his actions don’t appear from nothing, something precedes them and triggers a response. Social context still exists around him, whether he acknowledges it or not, but what stands out is the nature of his reaction to it.
Where most people instinctively adjust in subtle ways to align with how they’re seen, he doesn’t seem to engage in that negotiation. There’s a kind of immediacy in how he responds, as if the space between stimulus and action hasn’t been filtered through the usual considerations of expectation.
…
I really want to act without immediately reflecting on how it looks, how it’s perceived, or what it says about me. There’s something almost freeing about the idea of “just doing what you want”, instead of being split apart by self-awareness. Though, for me, if we're talking realistically, this world isn't designed for us to just do whatever we want. Thus, I suppose Wolf is in some way living my idealized life.
I admire, even feeling envy, how he lives his life.
Note : I sincerely apologize for not being so active, I just really have a lot of things to do. It genuinely surprised me when I found out that I still have school projects even after the final exams.. (༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ)
A few snaps of it.. (ugh.. that butterfly really rips my soul out of my body..(*﹏*;) )
And this post was meant to be just my thoughts. I know I'm not really great at getting my point across, I feel like the things are just circling around, probably because I'm mixing up a fictional world and the real world so that's why sometimes it doesn't feel connected.
Basically in a nutshell, I wanted to extract Wolf's character as a concept (if that makes sense) and see if it can be applied in our real life world. Turns out, it's not very applicable since it's really going in the opposite direction of what we are used to. Though, nonetheless, his character is still charming, and the fact it is unattainable in the real world, makes it more alluring, even making me feel envy on how Wolf can live that way. (• ▽ •;) (I don't know if that could clear up the confusion but yeah..)
After the bell rings, students are pouring out onto the streets, already hopping into groups, some of them are taking buses, most of the guys are going straight to internet cafes, and a few of them are picked up by private transportations.
Strangely, you never see Wolf after school. He has a quite unique hair colour so you assume that he is easy to distinguish from others, but in reality, your eyes not once have captured the memorable lavender purple as if Wolf has vanished completely amidst the crowds.
Speaking of Wolf, you are actually considering Wesley's comment on ‘sharing your lunch’. Your hand is tightening around your backpack’s strap as you decide on what to cook for tomorrow.
You personally have no idea what kind of meal is his favourite, or maybe he doesn't even have one. Thinking about him when planning on what to cook is making it harder to decide. So, you think again, but now you remove him from the equation.
Your mind immediately goes to the left over kimchi and rice this morning. Both of them can be combined to make kimchi fried rice which is one of your favorite dishes to make because of the simplicity that comes with it.
You hum lightly, the sky is turning into a horizon with different shades of yellow and orange. It casts warm shadows on everything you see, making your steps stop in its track just to admire the almost setting sun. You can't help but to wonder if Wolf also likes to admire scenery every time he smokes.
You stop by at the convenience store near your house, the familiar glow of its fluorescent lights spilling onto the street.
The bell above the door rings the moment you push it open, followed by the cashier’s greeting which almost blends into the hum of refrigerators and the soft rustle of plastic wrappers. You return it with a small nod, already walking further inside.
Your feet carry you to the snack aisle out of habit as if they have memorized the path long before you stepped through the door. Your eyes move slowly across rows of colorful packages and you grab your favourite snacks. Until then, something unfamiliar catches your attention.
A new snack, sweet milk chips, tucked between the familiar brands you’ve seen a hundred times before. The packaging is different, it’s brighter and even promised such an odd flavour with pretty expensive price stated. Still, you reach for it without thinking too much.
You’ve always liked trying new things. There’s something about the uncertainty of it that draws you in. It might taste terrible and you would regret it or it might become something you crave again tomorrow. Either way, that brief moment before you know for sure is always oddly satisfying.
You place all the snacks you have picked on the counter. The plastic crinkles softly beneath the cashier’s hand as he pulls them closer and drags them across the scanner. A short beep cuts through the quiet hum of the store. While he’s busy with the register, your gaze darts at the shelf behind him
It consists of rows of cigarette packs stacked in neat lines with different colors, different brands, all sealed in small rectangular boxes. From where you stand, they look strangely ordinary, almost harmless, despite the warnings printed across them. Your eyes linger on them longer than they should.
What brand does Wolf smoke anyway?
You try to picture it, the familiar way he slowly inhales as smoke curls into the air. The memory settles in your mind with a bubbling feeling you never experienced before.
What if you bought one?
The idea arrives quickly and just as quickly you dismiss it. You don’t have a fake ID and aren't planning to get one. And even if you did, the cashier has seen you enough times to recognize your face with your school uniform. He would never hand a pack of cigarettes to a middle schooler like you.
Still, your gaze doesn’t move away from the shelf, where there is a small curiosity about the feeling of it. What it’s like to hold that small box in your hand, to take one out between your fingers, to light it, to inhale the same bitter smoke Wolf exhales so effortlessly. You just want to understand, even for a moment, what exactly he feels when the flame touches the tip and the smoke fills his lungs.
“It will be ₩9,000.”
You hastily shift your focus to the cashier. The words slip out before your mind has time to catch up.
“Can I get a lighter?”
That was stupid.
You’re not even sure why you asked, it just happened. A thought that jumped straight from your head to your mouth without stopping in between.
You don’t smoke.
Hell you’ve never even tried.
And yet, standing here in your middle school uniform, asking for a lighter of all things, suddenly your intention feels embarrassingly obvious with how the cashier looks at you. Your fingers curl slightly against the hem of your skirt while you try to justify it to yourself. Well, it’s not cigarettes, at least a lighter is harmless enough. Anyone can buy a lighter so no big deal, right?
That small flame in your pocket somehow might make you feel closer to understanding him than nothing at all.
“Sure, then it will be ₩10,000 in total.”
You open your wallet to pay up before you grab the plastic bag with your things inside and exit the convenience store.
———————
Time moves painfully slow as you try to listen to what the teacher is saying. Your eyes keep darting to your lunch box and the two snacks tucked inside your desk drawer, waiting for the moment you can finally take them out.
Because you're hungry?
No.
It's because you can't suppress the anticipation of offering your lunch to Wolf.
When the bell finally rings, you move before the sound has even finished echoing through the classroom. Your lunch box slides out of the drawer along with the two snacks you packed that morning which is intended for both of you. You turn in your seat and shift your chair closer to the desk behind you, facing Wolf.
His hair looks clumsily styled, like he ran his fingers through it once and decided that was good enough. The short bangs reveal more of his forehead, making his thick eyebrows stand out more sharply above the thin frame of his glasses.
His gaze follows your movements as you set the lunch box down on his desk. A faint crease forms between his brows. You can almost see the question mark hovering above his head, but you ignore it completely.
The plastic lid pops open with a soft click. Warm air escapes from the container as you lift it, carrying the smell of kimchi fried rice into the bustling classroom. The scent adjusts into the space between you two.
“Can you eat at your own table? I’m trying to sleep here.” Wolf’s eyes shift briefly towards the food. He leans back in his chair, one arm hanging loosely off the side. For someone who claims to be trying to sleep, he looks very much awake. There isn’t any real irritation behind the words, if anything, it sounds like he’s speaking out of habit rather than genuine annoyance.
“You lent me your ruler yesterday.”
“So?” The disinterest on his face is painfully obvious, but it's not you if you let his lack of interest stop you.
“So, this is how I repay you.” You point your spoon towards the open lunch box between you.
The smell rises again, stronger now that the lid is completely off. Warm, slightly spicy, mixed with the savory scent of egg and sesame oil. You’re convinced he can smell it.
There’s no way he can resist it.
“I don’t need it.”
Oh.
“Do you want to share?” His rejection seems to bounce off you completely, instead you lean forward slightly, pushing the lunch box an inch closer to him. Wolf’s eyes lower to the food again, then back to you.
“I don’t usually eat lunch, so you can-” He mutters before getting cut off.
“That’s not my question.” Your spoon hovers in the air as you look straight at him. “Do you want to share or not?”
Wolf studies you like you’ve just said something interesting, something unexpected enough to interrupt the usual boredom of his day. The corner of his mouth twitches. There’s the faintest flicker of amusement behind the lenses of his glasses. Yet, he doesn’t answer, but he doesn’t tell you to leave either, so you take it as a yes.
You slide an extra spoon towards him. To your quiet surprise, he actually takes it with no complaints. You immediately watch him carefully as he scoops up a spoonful of the kimchi fried rice and brings it to his mouth.
However, Wolf doesn’t react, not a praise or comment about your cooking, not even a slight change in expression, he simply chews in silence. You have absolutely no idea whether the fried rice suits his taste or not.
“How is it?” you ask, trying to sound casual.
While waiting for an answer, you pull out the snacks you brought and place them on the desk. One is the new sweet milk chips you’ve never tried before and the other is your usual favourite garlic chips which both were bought yesterday from the convenience store.
No reply is being muttered out, instead he shamelessly shoves his hand out into the sweet milk flavour chips. You stare at him for a moment before letting out a quiet breath.
“You know, I haven't seen this snack before until yesterday. So I decided to buy it for us to try.” You emphasize ‘us’ for him to understand what you are trying to do here, which is to share.
He, once again, isn't as reactive as you had hoped him to be.
You finally shrug his indifference and think it's better if you start eating now before he finishes them all. For someone who said that ‘they don't usually have lunch’, his rhythm of scooping your fried rice is ironically consistent.
Before you even swallow your first bite, there's a voice interrupting the atmosphere that has filled between you and Wolf.
“Follow me.” You shot your head up to look at Giju with his face stretched into the expression you're familiar with. He is mad, but still tries to show calmness which doesn't suit him at all. This is because when Giju is angry, he typically shows it without holding back, so to see him trying his best to stay normal is much scarier.
“What-” Before you get your chance to finish your question, Giju clamps your upper arm and pulls you up from your seat. The chair scrapes harshly against the floor, drawing a few glances, but if anything he looks angrier each passing moment, before practically dragging you out of the classroom.
“Giju- wait, what are you doing?” You protest, trying to twist your arm free, though his grip only tightens. It’s not enough to hurt, but it’s enough to tell you he’s not listening.
The classroom door slides open, and the noise inside dulls behind you as you’re pulled into the hallway.
When you pass the door, you see Wesley, Jane, and Grape are already standing outside as if they all have been waiting for you. Maybe it's because you usually spend your recess together with them, not with Wolf.
“Can you let go? That hurts.” You pull again at Giju’s grip, more insistent this time, but he doesn't even spare a glance back as his fingers press in harder, shutting down any attempt to resist. The faint sting builds under your skin, and eventually, your voice dies in your throat.
He finally stops at his classroom, pulls you in and finally lets go of your arm. You quickly retreat your hand as you feel the stinging sensation left behind from Giju’s grip.
Behind you, Jane, Wesley, and Grape soon follow up inside, where each of them carries a different set of tones. All three of them look straight at you, their expressions varying in ways that only make your chest tighten more.
“Are you being serious right now?” Giju turns to face you fully now, searching your face like he’s trying to confirm something he doesn’t want to believe.
“Giju, we looked at them earlier, he didn’t do anything to her.” Wesley exhales from the side, running a hand through his hair.
“Yet.” Grape’s voice carries a sharp resentment as if it has been polished a long time ago.
“Maybe he has changed?” Jane argues as she steps forward slightly, though there’s hesitation in her tone as if she’s trying to convince herself just as much as everyone else.
“No one changes that fast, Jane.” Giju lets out a humorless scoff.
Even though you’ve been dragged into the conversation, it passes through you which none of it fully makes sense. You catch pieces here and there, sharp enough to notice but too incomplete to understand.
“He didn’t do anything.”
“Yet.”
“Changed.”
“No one changes that fast.”
They sound like answers to questions you were never asked. Your eyes flick between your friends, trying to stitch everything together into something coherent, but the pieces refuse to fit. There’s something important missing.
You swallow as your fingers unconsciously pressing against the fading sting on your arm. Everything about this literally leaves you speechless, you don't know how to take part in the conversation because you don't know what exactly went wrong.
“I think we should let her-” Jane glances at you with a worried look as if she's being sympathetic with you.
“Fine, but don't come at me when something happens.”
Before you can even process what is going on, Jane’s hand closes around your wrist, gentler than Giju’s, though just as insistent.
“Come on.” She doesn’t wait for your response. The door opens again and you’re pulled back out into the hallway with the tension inside the classroom cutting off the second it shuts behind you.
“I think you should let Giju and Grape cool off first.” Jane says, finally slowing her pace. Her voice is softer as if she’s trying to smooth over something jagged.
The usual pent up desire to demand an explanation has already burned itself out, just like the last bit of a cigarette where the flame dies and leaves behind nothing but a thin trail of smoke and the faint smell of something that used to burn.
The weight of frustration, confusion, and the need to understand are all still carried by your heart, but it's not as sharp as it used to be. Maybe because you already know that Jane won’t give you a straightforward answer you want.
“..okay then..”
“So…” You hesitate again, the word dragging slightly as your thoughts struggle to line up. “You, Grape, and I aren’t going to walk together anymore…?”
You see uncertainty reflecting on her eyes before her gaze lands down on the tiles whilst she bites her bottom lip. She’s thinking or maybe she’s avoiding. Either way, her silence answers you with much clearer than any stumbling words that stack upon each other just to hide something up
“It’s fine.” The words come out quickly, cutting through whatever she might’ve said. You, yourself are not even sure if you mean them, because at this point, you don't have a grasp of what you're really feeling right now. Confusion seems like an understatement and yet, at the same time, you feel hollow inside. Maybe because you know whatever she says now, it won’t be the answer you wanted and it surely won’t fill the space that has been left behind.
———————
Back to your own class, your steps stop competing with each other as they arrive at your chair.
Your gaze lands on Wolf who is already back at his favorite position which is drilling his head onto his arm on the table. Then, you glance at your lunch box whose lid has been closed with two snacks beside it.
Your fingers hover over the lunch box for a second before you finally open it, which shows that Wolf has eaten quite a portion, but is still leaving a part for you. Then your gaze shifts to the snacks where the sweet milk chips, the one you weren’t even sure you’d like, is finished. However, the other one, your usual favorite garlic flavour, is still there untouched.
Your brows knit together slightly as you look between the empty wrapper of the new snack and the one still sitting there which is exactly as you left it.
Does it mean he didn’t just eat randomly, he… chose?
And somehow… he chose that.
Your gaze flickers back to Wolf to see his face to hope for an answer, but you can't know what kind of expression he is making since your eyes only capture the back of his head.
Does it mean Wolf knows your favourite snack?
There's nothing, only a hollow stillness reflecting in his eyes as Wolf looks at how Giju drags you out of the classroom.
Then he shifts his focus to the snacks you left behind on his table. His fingers move first, nudging the opened wrapper aside before his gaze lands on the other one, the unopened pack, your favourite garlic chips.
His expression doesn’t change while he stares at it. A quiet scoff leaves him as he leans back slightly.
“Who even eats that shit.” He mutters under his breath, eyes fixed on your favorite snack like it personally offended him.
Add. note :
Thank you for all your love and support, I really do appreciate it. ✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧
Somehow my life has been quite rough and these few days I wasn't as stable as I had wished. I'm just not enjoying myself I guess.
Sorry to end this chapter with a bit of a weird rant. (^～^;)ゞ
Tag : @bblydpepper @kookoorokoo @lingxio
Thank you for asking to be tagged, it is well appreciated. (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧
✧ Wolf isn’t a particularly passionate cook, but he’s surprisingly good enough to make things edible.
✧ Dry texter + spammy type of person
“Wdy?”
“Are u up?”
“U want snacks?”
“Chips?”
+Loves to leave people on read (but the second you leave him on read, he'll immediately spam calls on you.)
✧ As a kid, Wolf could spend a long time watching fish in the display tanks at pet shops. There was definitely a specific pet shop he went to after school just to see fish. Even the pet shop owner recognized his consistency of coming to his pet shop, but kind of just let him watch. Lowkey felt sad when he noticed a decrease in the quantity of the fish which he usually counted, meaning they had been bought.
✧ Always planned to buy a fish for himself as well, but as he grew older, his interest just kind of shifted.
✧ In middle school, Wolf received a pink love letter from someone on Valentine's Day. It was just placed on his table. He didn't know who it was and wasn't interested as well, but he still read the letter thoroughly and noticed the pink glitter pen with stickers decorating it. And somehow he still has it until this day and keeps it in his nightstand drawer. Though, he never reaches out to it, so probably he still has it because he just gets too lazy to throw it out.
✧ His favorite season is spring since it is mostly pretty chill.
✧ He is quite an impulse buyer and definitely doesn't plan or make a shopping list. He legit will just stroll around and buy what he feels like is a need. If you asked him to buy a specific thing, he wouldn't just buy the thing you asked for, but it would also come with some other random things. With this kind of habit, you will think he definitely is most likely to forget to buy one or two things whenever he goes shopping, but weirdly he never misses anything essential.
✧ Wolf is insanely good at poker. For some reason, I can picture him playing poker for the first time and winning every single round. He’s definitely the kind of player who goes all-in even when he knows his cards are bad (and still wins because he is crazy like dat)
✧ This guy is secretly updated on new trends and rumours, but either he acts and pretends like he doesn't care or he actually doesn't care. (This is canon)
✧ He tried a claw machine once and he sucked at it. He saw and aimed for a medium sized white dog with a light blue hat plushie. Even when it slipped through the claw and bounced back even further, Wolf didn't care. He wanted that plushie and he would get it. The struggle probably sparked something within him, that's why he was so eager to get it.
Spent quite a lot of money before finally getting the plushie. After that, he would kind of just stare at the plushie before shaking his head, possibly realizing it was stupid.
When he got home, he threw the plushie across his room and it landed on his bed. At first he didn't pay any attention to it until one day he had trouble going to sleep, so then he stared at his plushie again before hugging it. And let me tell you, not even one minute had passed, this guy is deep in his sleep.
Knowing the plushie helped him sleep better, now he sleeps with it every single night, but he would rather get shot in his head than admitting it to anyone else.
✧ Before starting elementary school, Wolf was brought by his father to buy new stationery and supplies. Wolf’s father let Wolf chose what kind of pen, pencil, and notebook he wanted. Everything Wolf chose was pretty basic as he didn't really care for the design. Not until when they got to the bag store. His father thought Wolf would just choose the basic black backpack. But no, Wolf already set his mind on something else.
“I want Sailor Moon.”
Yep, the Sailor Moon themed backpack. The reason? Simple, it was because he had watched and was familiar with Sailor Moon. His father was stressed with him trying to give Wolf another option, because the backpack looked like it was for the girls, however it's not Wolf if he agreed to change his mind.
So Wolf spent his next few years of elementary school using his Sailor Moon themed backpack. There were people judging him for it, but he doesn't care. The bag worked like any other bag, so?
The only reason why he changed his backpack in middle school was because it was torn and worn out. His father quickly bought him a new backpack before Wolf could decide what to buy for himself. (As he grew older, he definitely felt the Sailor Moon backpack was kind of... odd)
I'm just gonna post and leave this here because I'm still in the process of writing the third chapter...
um yeah.. I decided to continue the fic..? (• ▽ •;)ゞ
All of the headcanons above are just pure for entertainment purposes, thus it's not to be taken seriously and literally. (๑´•.̫ • `๑)
Lastly, I recognize that this post is a little bit short, so I sincerely apologize for it. (｡ﾉω＼｡)
Ha..! You thought I won't celebrate it because of my exam? Nah..୧( ಠ Д ಠ )୨
I hope you guys like my drawings and my attempt doing collage (• ▽ •;)
I think Wolf deserves a much bigger fandom as his character is really interesting and I will talk on and on, nonstop, explaining how his character is just soo.....(人*´∀｀)｡*ﾟ+ (Though I won't forgive how the author didn't go through his backstory explicitly ರ╭╮ರ )
The morning breeze caresses your cheeks with sunlight shining from above. Your gray uniform blazer blends in with the pavement under your shoes. As you keep passing houses and stores, your eyes catch some leaves falling to the ground.
It is mesmerizing.
The scrapes of your shoes against the pavement start to slow down, taking in the fresh green scenery in front of you. Your backpack feels lighter today may it be caused by your good mood. But sadly, today Jane and Grape won't come to school so you have to walk to school alone.
However, something stands out amidst the view. A purple colour is catching your attention as it contrasts with the green scenery.
At first, you can't really see clearly and don't know for sure about what the purple thing is. However, after you squint your eyes harder, then you recognize the figure.
Wolf Keum.
Wolf is standing, or possibly leaning on a wall, while a cigarette is secured between his point and middle fingers. You can see the smoke fading out as they get further away from him.
Not a gray uniform blazer that shows he is a middle school student, instead a black Kanzo jacket is the one hugging his tall body, almost painting him as another grown up.
You have no knowing on whether he has noticed you or not, because his half-rimmed glasses are reflecting the sunlight, making it impossible to catch his direction of eyes.
Well.. it turns out Wolf smokes.
That is interesting.
Even though you think Wolf is a bit too young to smoke, you still find it successfully adds to your fascination.
How can he even get his cigarettes if he is underaged?
————————
Your chair scratches lightly against the floor, taking a seat before setting your bag beside the table. Class is starting in five minutes so you prepare the textbook that you will need and a pen for the first period.
As the bell rings, Wolf surprisingly comes into the classroom with his actual gray uniform blazer hanging off from his broad shoulder.
When he walks past you towards his desk, you expect to get a smell of tobacco from him, but nothing travels to your nostril that indicates he had a smoke session before coming to school.
You wonder if you had seen wrongly before. However, his hand is also carrying a black jacket which is similar to the previous guy that you saw on the street.
You can't be wrong.
But why is Wolf bringing an extra jacket when he has the school blazer?
“Why are you guys reeking of cigarettes?!” You flinch slightly at the sudden, high-pitched voice slicing through the room. The math teacher stands near the front, glaring down at two unfortunate guys who have been caught smoking by the teacher. They both have their heads down, as though looking at the cracked tiles is far more interesting than whatever the teacher is lecturing.
Ah.
Something clicks in your head.
Wolf brings an extra jacket with a clear purpose in mind, so that the bitter stale tobacco smell won't cling to his uniform and get him caught by teachers.
Wolf doesn’t strike you as someone who bothers thinking that far ahead, instead he seems like someone who is so detached to everything around him. Turns out Wolf is quite sharp in his own ways.
That is something you mentally note to yourself.
————————
In the middle of class, you search your pencil case for a ruler, but it seems like you failed to remember you have left the plastic rectangle behind at your study desk at home.
Displeased with the moment, you force yourself to dig through your bag, wishing the ruler might appear from thin air, although you are fully aware that the world holds no place for magic.
Though you would never admit it, somewhere between the mild annoyance and the pointless searching, excitement starts to surface.
Why?
Because this tiny and insignificant problem gives you a reason to interact with Wolf, to turn slightly in your seat, to glance to the side without it seeming strange, to call his name. Possibly even get the chance to have some more exchanges with the person behind you.
Silently letting out a heavy breath to calm the giddiness within you, trying your best to act like usual. However, you curse at yourself when you catch your hand fixing the possible tangles in your hair.
This isn't a big problem, so why are you acting like this?
“Wolf, can I borrow your ruler?” You mentally pat yourself on the back because you aren't stumbling in words and actually sound decent, in your own ears at least.
Behind the glasses, the gray with a tint of brownish coloured eyes glance at you with detached coldness which you are aching to break. He doesn't even take the trouble to give it to you by hand, he just nods to the ruler which is laying on his table, probably signaling to take it for yourself, before going back to his notes.
You or perhaps, your fragile ego, once again, are fractured to pieces beneath the weight of his complete lack of interest. He doesn’t even bother to notice you, and somehow that hurts more than rejection ever could. You take the ruler with disappointment hovering your heart and a soft “thank you” leaving your lips.
You even wonder what is exactly bothering you at this point? You know how Wolf operates by now, so it shouldn't catch you off guard, yet it seems like something in you still resists it. Even though you know how he is, you haven’t stopped expecting something more. You keep reaching for reactions he doesn’t give, reading into pauses that don’t mean anything, waiting for small signs that he cares in ways you can recognize.
The version of him you’ve started to build in your head, the one that stares just slightly longer, asks one more question, reacts just enough to prove that you matter in the way you want to matter. And every time reality doesn’t match that, it leaves a suffocating dissatisfaction.
You have to acknowledge that Wolf is himself. He has his own thoughts, his own rhythm, his own way of moving through things that doesn’t pause just to meet yours. He doesn’t adjust himself to fit what you’re hoping to see, no matter how quietly you hold onto the expectations.
As long as you keep holding onto that imagined version of him, you’re the only one left trying to make it real.
And maybe that’s what’s bothering you the most.
After finishing your business with his ruler, you decide to make it your opportunity to mend that faint bruise to your pride that has been lingering all day.
You will make him approach you first, even if it’s only to retrieve his ruler.
Selfish? Maybe. But don’t you deserve this much?
At first, it feels fairly easy. You sit there while pretending like nothing’s different as if you're not aware of the object sitting just within your reach. Acting like you haven’t already imagined how he will call your name or maybe just tapping your desk.
You are so consumed with preparing yourself for the moment he asks you to return his clear plastic rectangle, that even the teacher’s words no longer register.
The longer you wait, the heavier your impatience becomes. Time stretches with slow and suffocating manner with each passing moment tightening the knot in your chest. Still, acting all indifferent just to mask the relentless whirl of emotions inside you.
Why hasn’t he said anything yet?
You almost have given up on waiting and anticipating, but then to your surprise, someone calls your name. His voice is raspy and rough around the edges while carrying gravelly undertones, which sounds heavier than most kids his age, but also somehow coated with a thick texture like honey that makes his voice smooth.
The giddiness is coming back to boil up your cheeks, it's probably because of the fact that he finally acknowledges you or the fact that he knows your name, maybe both, you can't tell.
“Can I have my ruler back?” His voice is dripping with composed disinterest, yet you still take it into your account, it means you are at least visible to him.
“Oh..! Sure, sorry, I forgot to return it.” He hums at your apology. You think you should consider taking an acting career, because Wolf looks like he believes your lie with no further suspicion.
You used to be invisible back in elementary school, someone people rarely noticed. But things change when you enter middle school, you find yourself surrounded by a small circle of friends. Maybe that’s why you’ve grown a little greedy. After getting a small taste of attention, you now find yourself craving it from the one person who is very detached from others.
————————
When lunch time arrives, Wesley and Giju are already waiting for you by the classroom door, while asking you if you want to join them to eat at the canteen which you agree to.
You quickly grab your lunch box that you prepared yourself before going to school. This is because your father and mother are often not at home, so starting from a very young age, you have learnt to do stuff on your own, including cooking your own meals.
After you find an unoccupied table at the canteen, you sit across from Giju and Wesley. Giju starts blabbering some stuff about the annoying teacher where at some points Wesley tries to stop him whenever he feels like Giju is crossing the line with his words.
“What do you guys think I can do so that I can get closer to someone?” You blurt out before shoving a spoonful of rice into your mouth. Giju stops his complaints then stares at you as if he senses something weird is going on.
You can't help but to admit, sometimes Giju is actually pretty observant and his instinct is far more accurate than any predictions from a fortune teller. Wesley is like the other side of the coin. He doesn't have the ability to read between the lines, making him oftentimes mostly clueless about what is going on.
“Hm… maybe trying to share your lunch with them?” Wesley’s idea is a nice one, you think.
“What if that person is pretty quiet and doesn't really talk, isn't it going to be weird to offer my lunch?”
“Well it depends, is that someone a boy or a girl?” Wesley questions while still munching through his food.
“It's a boy.”
“Don't tell me.. this is about Wolf?” Giju’s words land sharp in your heart, because how can he get it right before you even give any hints regarding the person?
“..urhh.. no..?” You stutter at the weight of his glare that makes you shudder slightly.
“Oh.. my..- Are you serious?”
“Giju-” Wesley tries to calm Giju down as he places a hand on his shoulder.
“Why would you even want to get close with him?” Giju’s voice is getting higher and you're feeling a little scared from his sudden outburst.
“It’s.. not like that…”
“Oh? Tell me how it is then?” Giju crosses his arm in front of his chest, glaring at you seemingly daring you to correct him and you simply… can’t, because you know you might make him angrier if you reveal your truly twisted process of thoughts.
What kind of person would you be if you said ‘Wolf doesn’t care about people. So if he pays attention to me, then it means something. It means I’m not just anyone.’
That is obviously not how a normal person thinks.
The moment you think it through, it sits wrong. It seems a little too self-serving, a little too… desperate to make it mean more than it actually does.
“Giju.. calm down, we are still at the canteen.” Wesley glances at you with an apologetic smile stretched across his face.
“I just want to be friends with him, what is wrong with that?” Slight irritation is slowly bleeding into every syllable that leaves your mouth.
“You..!-” Giju almost screams at your face before letting out a heavy grunt. “Listen to me, do not get close to him. Ever.”
“Why?! Tell me why!” You don't understand what their problem is with the idea of you building a friendship with Wolf.
“You guys tell me to stay away from him but never tell me why!” What is the thing that they are so against?
Instead of answering your question, Giju stays silent, quietly shoving his unfinished lunch box to his lunch bag. He then stands up and holds eye contact with Wesley for a couple of seconds before walking away.
This is just like how Grape and Jane acted yesterday…
You shift your gaze towards Wesley, hoping that he can provide an answer for your confusion.
“You… wouldn't understand if you haven't seen it yourself.”
The clueless state that they forced upon you left you walking blindfolded. Everyone else seems to understand the silent language being spoken around you, the shared glances, half-finished sentences, the certainty in their eyes, all while you stand in the center of it all, grasping at fragments that never quite formed a whole. It makes you feel small and left out in a way you always hate.
“Anyways… I'm sorry, Giju can be like that sometimes, but he means good.”
“So, I can't be friends with Wolf?”
“I… don't know,” he pauses, “look, I don't want to tell you what to do, just do what you feel is right.”
Do what you feel is right.
Such a fascinating message, might just be as mesmerizing as the green scenery you saw earlier today.
However ‘what feels right’ is not always right. Sometimes it is only the voice of our impulses, shaped by restless desires and emotions that burn too brightly to think clearly. Feelings can glow like a path in the dark, but not every light leads somewhere safe.
What we call rightness can easily be mistaken for what simply feels good in the moment. The mistake being the assumption that the feeling of certainty means we’re right.
But what if it's not a mistake at all?
Maybe rightness is nothing more than a construct defined by its capacity to help you to achieve your desires, which you believe, in that moment, might bring you pleasure. Maybe that’s what rightness is.
And if that pursuit leads somewhere harmful, does that invalidate the rightness we felt before?
Is rightness something that must endure across time to be considered real? Who knows?
————————
10 seconds.
10 seconds of Wolf counting and watching you back before you finally turn your head away and start walking.
Behind you, Wolf lets the cigarette rest between his fingers. The smoke he swallowed too quickly burns dryly down his throat. He exhales slowly, the pale cloud dissolving into the thin air around him. He heard your confession yesterday and still remembers it as he replays the moment in his head while his gaze follows your retreating figure, then he clicks his tongue under his breath.
“Stupid girl.” He mutters to himself, but even after the words leave his mouth, his gaze lingers on the empty space where you had been standing only seconds ago.
He wonders if you might snitch on him and tell the teachers that you have seen him smoked. He traps the dying cigarette between his thumb and the nail of his middle finger before snapping his finger forward, sending the stub flying across the ground.
Edited note : The first thing I want to address is that I'll be having exams soon, which means... I have to focus on my studies and that means... I have to stop writing for a while. (・–・;)ゞ
If you can feel it, this chapter is a little bit rushed and probably makes some mistakes..ㅠㅠ However, I still want to post this tonight to kind of.. redeem myself..? (If that makes sense)(´-﹏-`；)
I hope you can enjoy it, though I'm also a little bit disappointed with the end result of this chapter. I thought I really could do better than this. (٥↼_↼) I promise if I decided to continue this fic, the next chapter would be better. (Heavy on "if")
Fun fact! ╮(╯_╰)╭
I originally only planned on making two chapters, that's why you see quite a random philosophical text almost at the end (• ▽ •;), before we switch to Wolf's perspective.
ARGHH HOW CAN I FORGET THISSS @bblydpepper I'M SOO SORRYYYヘ（。□°）ヘ
• Reader is quite self-centered (this is only apparent from her own inner monologue)
• "Naemun middle school" is stolen from the webcomic but it's not the actual middle school that Wolf went to.
• I also do steal some character names from the webcomic but it doesn't connect to the canon.
A few weeks have passed after you had stepped into Naemun middle school with you trying the best to be nice and friendly to anywho in your class.
You can't bear the thoughts of slipping back into the void of loneliness that you felt when you were still in elementary school. Hence that's why you end up feeling obliged to agree on playing truth or dare with your group of friends that you succeed to join in.
Three boys and two girls, including you, gather in a pattern, circling your desk and with a half-emptied water bottle in the middle of the table. Everyone seems to take turns choosing to answer a question or doing something stupid which someone else spews out as it was the consequence for getting picked by the water bottle.
You guess it is your lucky day because even though there are bubbles already building up from the water as it has been spun around for a while, you have not had the water bottle to pick you once. So, you take the chance to just laugh around and enjoy the light atmosphere.
Oh.
Maybe you speak too soon.
Now, everybody's gazes are on you as the water bottle has finally decided to direct itself to you. Well, you think it would be boring if you actually didn't get the chance to participate at least once, so you are not mad about it.
“Oh! Finally it is your turn!” Jane cheers up while playfully hitting your shoulder several times as if she has won the gold medal.
“Truth or dare?” You glance up to Grape, whose real name is Sam, when he asks the question. You don't know why he prefers someone to call him “Grape” when you think “Sam” is more suitable for him.
“Truth.. I guess?”
“That's really no fun.” You just chuckle lightly as a response to Wesley’s comment.
“Ooh! I got an interesting one!” Jane exclaims enthusiastically, her excitement is really apparent as her words are practically rubbing themselves in front of your face.
“What is it?”
“Who is your crush?”
There is a moment of silence before Jane receives a loud smack from Giju.
“You call that interesting?” Giju is clearly not impressed with the question, he quickly adds some grumbles, complaining about how Jane basically wasted the opportunity.
“Well.. the question has been given, so what is your answer?” Grape shifts your focus from Giju and Jane to answer the question.
This isn't supposed to be a hard question really, but you still find yourself diluted in confusion where your finger doesn't know who to point to. After all, you are a new student here so you have very little knowledge of who is the most popular or the most good-looking. You also don't really keep updates on gossip or rumours which makes the question even harder to answer with a straight response.
Hesitation is probably written all over your face as you quietly scan the almost empty classroom. It is still recess, making most of the students hanging out outside of the classroom.
Your gaze lazily goes from one student to another, from a guy wearing glasses with a weird hairstyle to a guy silently doing his homework, but no one has successfully captured your attention fully.
Then, your eyes land on someone's desk, someone who sits right behind you. His desk is left with a little mess behind with his stationery scattered around the table and a black Kanzo jacket hanging on the chair’s backrest.
“Wolf Keum.”
“What..?” Wesley asks with his eyes sharpened towards you as if he is seeking for a clarification that his ears are still functioning perfectly.
“My crush is Wolf Keum..?”
“WHAT?” Now, Jane leans closer, shoving her ears near your lips, signaling you to repeat yourself, possibly not convinced by your previous statement.
“I said my crush is Wolf, okay?!” You turn your voice in a higher tone, feeling a bit frustrated as you have no clue what's so odd with the idea of you liking him.
“Tell me you are joking right now.” Jane holds both sides of your shoulder with surprise decorating her face, making it as if she just heard an announcement stating that the zombie apocalypse is starting.
“Why? I can't like him?”
“Don't you know that Wolf is a bit-” Jane immediately responds to your confusion before getting hit again from Giju, resulting in her not finishing her sentence.
“Oww.. Can you stop hitting me!- Oh..”
You glance up to meet purple hair whose bangs have been cut really short above his thick eyebrows, all while a half rimmed glasses emphasizes his sharp gaze.
How long has he been there?
There is no second guess that Wolf has heard your sudden confession. Strangely, he doesn't even spare you a look and walks past your group towards his own desk, back to his usual routine of drowning himself to the table, crossing his arm and making it a support for his purple head.
The atmosphere is filled with tension. Everyone doesn't dare to let out a sound, while glancing at each other as they silently give signals to decide that the game has come to an end.
They exhale a sigh of relief when the bell rings, meaning they have a reason to go back to their own desk or classes, which Jane, Wesley, and Giju are in a different classroom. Only you and Grape are in the same class, but he sits quite far from you.
Your heart is pounding really fast, you are able to hear your own heartbeat even when your classmates' voices are bouncing off the walls as they fill up the classroom. You sense the heat rising to your cheek, fighting the urge to slam your head to the wall nearby.
You are embarrassed.
In the middle of class, you try to turn your head a little to steal a glance at him a few times, expecting him to glare at you, but each time you look at him, he is still in the same position, glued to the table as if he is built like a statue.
Now, you are annoyed.
You are not irritated at him but more annoyed with yourself. Somehow, deep down in your mind, you half-expect him to be at least bothered by the fact that you admitted to liking him. But the way he is showing no interest or even annoyance regarding the matter, it makes you feel frustrated at yourself, feeling vulnerable that you come to realize you are the only one spiraling in a loud mess of thought that you, yourself, make.
Repeatedly glancing at him in the middle of class is no help either, it just shows the desperation of you trying to search for a reaction from him which you won’t get any time soon, he just acts like he never even have heard your voice before. It is a bitter pill that is hard to swallow, he simply doesn't care about you liking him. That bitter pill pains you because you… care and your ego is slightly crushed by the lack of his reaction.
What kind of response are you expecting from him? To like you back?
Well, no.
So why are you waiting for his response?
It is probably because of the familiarity of getting overlooked by others, which you always felt when you were in elementary school, comes rising up and pools in the edge, making you can't sit still in your chair.
———————
After school, you walk home together with Grape and Jane as your houses are close to each other. Grape and Jane are talking with each other, sometimes their conversation almost escalates into arguments, which you don't pay attention to.
Your laughter is always delayed, only after they laugh for a few seconds that you know you should laugh as well. Even your footsteps are often slowed at some moments before you realize you are a few steps behind them.
Not only do you realize the odds, Grape and Jane are also noticing how weird you are being right now.
“..Did Wolf say something mean to you?” Jane’s voice makes you snap back to reality, getting yourself out from drowning into buzzing thoughts. Your head faces her as she looks at you with worry stitched onto her face.
“Uh..no..?”
“Are you sure?” Grape asks when he can clearly see the dripping uncertainty from your answer.
“You know, forget what he said to you. He is just weird like that!” Jane wraps her arm around your shoulder, acting like a support.
Well actually, he didn't even say anything which makes you feel worse as you think that being cursed at is better than him not giving two ducks about you.
“Whatever, Wolf is not someone you should be crushing on.” You almost miss it when Grape warns you with a low voice as if he is telling a top elite secret.
“Why?”
Jane and Grape are staring at each other, which you feel like they are having a full conversation, communicating with eye contacts and nods as a language between them which you don't understand.
“I don't know how to put it.. he just has some screws off..,” Jane pauses for a moment before continuing, “he doesn't really talk or have any friends, and.. he likes to fight.”
“Well? I thought you said Grape also had been into a lot of fights.” You point out the obvious because you don't understand what is so strange about Wolf getting into fights. Maybe because he looks a bit nerdy and quiet? Hence that is why it is weird?
“No! Wolf is different!”
“Why-” You still don't get it, what is so different from him to another middle schooler.
“Enough. He is a crazy guy, so don't try to get close.” Grape cuts you off, not letting you question further about Wolf. Grape walks faster as he takes bigger space each step, leaving you and Jane behind. He seems a little sensitive with discussion on Wolf which you haven't really quite discovered the reason yet.
All you can think of when walking towards your home is Wolf. You thought that you would forget the unfortunate event quickly, but after having a know of Wolf being called crazy, it piques your interest more, silently drowning you deeper into a spiral of thoughts until you don't realize that you are suffocating from the lack of rational judgements.
You want Wolf’s attention.
Won't it be great to have someone like him as a friend? Since he is not the type to make friends, what if you are the first friend of his? It would probably heal some of your crushed pride if you can make him notice you.
Won't it be such an ego booster?
You acknowledge the reasoning behind your desire to be friends with him is twisted and definitely far from normal. However, you are determined and already set your mind on how to make him actually give a duck about you.
Note : I just want to test this out, I don't really know how I feel about this. I want the reader to have a much stronger foundation and motivation to put in an effort to be friends with Wolf. Though, unfortunately, my English is not very good so I think my words don't capture her strong desire enough to make you guys relate to her. (• ▽ •;)
I'm also very inspired by @nocturnekalopsia I admire her writing very much!
I suppose this fic is only relatable for those that have already experienced this kind of situation.
May it be my words don't make sense or it's too strangely put, I shall say my sorry here.
Hopefully you enjoy the journey of reading this and do not expect anything from a stranger like me. (・–・;)ゞ
