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am i a bad person for dating my friends ex? they dated for 2 months over a year ago. we told eachother we like eachother but agreed to take it slow until i told her but when i did she started a massive fight with me and told me i was a horrible friend/person. idk how to make it right with her without giving up on him. there’s a lot of other factors, but i feel like she’s got it in her head that dating someone’s ex is stereotypically a bad thing to do not our situation. any advice?

The reality is, and I say this gently, you shouldn't be dating your friends ex.

Remember, romantic relationships come and go (unless you just so happen to meet your soulmate) but good friends are normally pretty solid.

Don't jeopardize a good relationship with your friend for someone they've already had. Keep in mind, their relationship ended for a reason.

- Lena

Is this blog still active for advice?

Yes 🖐🏿

- Lena

I’ve been going out with my bf for nearly 9 months, I’ve never had sex so this will be my first time with him. I’m ready, excited and nervous. It sounds pathetic but I’m just worried about the pain, it just worries me which I know will make it worse cause I’m not as relaxed. I was just wondering if you could try and like explain the pain and just give me a bit of advice about it. Thank you !

We hope your first time was the best time ❤️

As long as your partner makes you feel comfortable, you're comfortable, despite the awkwardness and pinches of your flower finally blooming.

Take your time.

Self-care after is important.

And try new things a step at a time.

You have your whole life to try and do everything, don't wear yourself out ❤️

- Lena

So there is this girl I am starting to like a lot, really a lot. She is about 6000km away from me... in the US. And I just.. she makes me smile and laugh like I haven’t in years.. I want to keep talking to her, I messed up my sleeping schedule to talk with her and play games online with her.. I am just very anxious about it being one sided... our mutual friends say different but I am just not wanting to mess this up..

It's okay to be anxious about someone that makes you excited to stay up longer or wake up in the morning.

That's...well...LOVE ❤️

And it's a very beautiful thing.

But always remember to trust your gut. Remember, this is the honeymoon phase. Trust that you can make the right decisions AND be happy doing so.

Good luck 🤞🏿

-Lena

lordansketil

“Someone can be madly in love with you and still not be ready. They can love you in a way you have never been loved and still not join you on the bridge. And whatever their reasons you must leave. Because you never ever have to inspire anyone to meet you on the bridge. You never ever have to convince someone to do the work to be ready. There is more extraordinary love, more love that you have never seen, out here in this wide and wild universe. And there is the love that will be ready.”

— Nayyirah Waheed (via quotefeeling)

Hi! I hope you can help me or ease my mind a bit. So in short: I had morning after pill in june, period was normal, on time. Had protected sex in july (didn’t came in me), had period. Didn’t have sex this whole cycle and now my period is late 2 days. I even got sick today, a slight temperature and sore throat. (I think it’s because I’m stressing out so much and the weather changes). I did a mistake and googled. (Find out that some get period even if they got pregnant). Sorry about my rant.:(

No worries. But in the future, invest in condoms, safe sex and lots and lots of calendaring so you don't end up in this situation again. If you're not ready for children, don't leave yourself wide open for them. They are a BIG commitment.

-Lena

So I've recently got into a ldr and there's quite an age gap between us. I'm 18 he's 26. And I really like him and I know he does too. But he tells me he's afraid sometime of the future because im so young and inexperienced in I guess life and he feels like I could have a guy with me who could fulfil my needs. I'm true to assure him but I don't think I'm using Yh right words. What kind of reassurance should I say to him? Thank you :)

Experience comes with age, time, practice and obviously trial and error. You two chose to be together and that means you both chose to accept each other's age gap before commencing a relationship.

This is one problem you don't need to fix. It's all on him. Give him the opportunity to be clear-cut with you because you don't want to look back and feel like you wasted x amount of years on someone who saw your relationship as a failure before it even really began.

Pose this: Do you want to be together long-term with me, lacking in age gap/experience/and all or are you ready to move on?

It's a bitter pill to swallow, but it's something you gotta take.

-Lena

I’ve been dating my gf for a month and I have insecurities and I’m self conscious. I have fears that she secretly doesn’t like me, doesn’t feel an attraction towards me, or doesn’t find me hot ?? And I don’t want to ask anything because I don’t want to her to think I’m clingy but, I can’t get rid of this feeling

You having insecurities doesn't make you clingy. It makes you human. But being human doesn't mean you have to keep feeling this way.

You gotta open up to her. You can't help yourself move on from this feeling (because you can move on eventually) until you're open and honest with her.

If she is truly your partner, she will listen, respond and help you get through this. We are all insecure about something, especially when it comes to relationships? Why struggle alone?

-Lena

How do I tell my dad that I’m dating someone in a completely other state? First it’s another female so he might have problems with that, and he is a cop so he is skeptical about everyone I meet online. But this girl is the love of my life I call, Skype, FaceTime, and text her every day, I’ve met her family through these calls and I would love to be able to openly talk about her to my family. She is planning on coming here next year and I’m nervous that my dad will get over protective

First things first, you gotta come out to your Dad. And that's only when you are ready. And only YOU will know when YOU are ready. Do it in your own time and prepare for the three extremes:

* Be accepted immediately.

* Be accepted in time.

* Not be accepted at all.

You love your father and he loves you and if you are in love with someone, he should know. Her family already loves you. Why can't he get that same opportunity with her? Come out to him. And then tell him what's up.

And yes, he may have no problems at all for you being you. Maybe his only reservation will be the online-distance. sitch. But you won't know until you're honest with yourself and him.

I wish you, your lover and your father the best of luck in this situation. Coming out can be tough. Let alone, handling long distance.

-Lena

Hey, my girlfriend and I have been in a ldr for about 7 months now, is it weird that sometimes i dont feel like texting her, like i care about her, bur i dont really wanna talk to her at that moment. I feel like i should also add that ive known her for about 10 years now and weve been off and on for 3 and a half. We get too see each other every couple months for like 8 hours and after that we are both really affectionate, but if its been a while since we've seen each other irl i get distant.

It’s okay to get distant. That’s actually pretty normal in relationships. Trust me, even people who are married become distant at times. It’s how long that distance lasts and the affects in-between that matter most.

As long as you know you love and care for your partner and just know it’s a “I need me time” type of situation, then you’re good. Just make sure you make it clear these are moments in which you’re taking ‘me’ time, so your partner isn’t confused.

Hello, I went Show my ist Boyfriend that I Love him..but I think only a Text is boring.. Can u help me?

If you’re able to text him, that means you’re also able to call him. So, why don’t you give him a call and tell him how much you love him and the reasons why. Write down a list of reasons, even if they seems pointless or trivial. The smallest things give the heart the biggest flutters.

If you’d like to go more organic and have his mailing address, put together a special list to mail to him, without telling him it’s coming. The sweetest things come in the unlikeliest packages ❤

-KD

Me and my bf live on complete opposite sides of the world and his family is religious and wouldn't accept me. We both are losing hope that we will ever be able to meet but i cant lose him. Ive talked w him evryday for 2 years now and i love him sm:(

Hi,

If you two entered this relationship and knew religious barriers would be a factor, this should have been discussed early on, with solutions in hand. The reason why I say this so bluntly is because you two are now two years into your relationship and this lingering factor is coming up again.

It’s soooo very important that you understand, you two are in a relationship and if you’re not adults now, you soon will be and the choice of who is with who is up to you two...not the parents. If they do accept you, that is their right. But if you two truly want to be with each other, they will have to accept it...bitterly, or move on. That’s all that can be done. Don’t pretend to be something you’re not for them. Be yourself, with him.

Outside of all that, you never know how they will react when they finally meet you and hopefully, get to know you. Sometimes people react in a different way than we expect. But give them YOU, not what you think they want to hear or see.

-KD

I'm really unsure about how to deal with this. Should me and my boyfriend really attach each other to someone 700 km away? This is kind of the first relationship for both of us. We're 16. I'm kind of scared, why if I miss out because normal 16 year old girls just have a boyfriend around and lots of fun with that, you know? It's not that I don't love him enough...I don't know

Hello,

This is your decision to make. You have to decide, do you want to be in a relationship with him with the possibility of a realistic future, or do you want to move forward and enjoy your teenage years with teenage boys who live right next door.

In every relationship, there comes a time in which an opportunity comes for a partner to move out of their typical element and into something very unfamiliar to them. It’s up to those being left behind to either go with, support from afar and closer (when they can) or let that person go.

You asked this question because you’re unsure of what to do. The distance. The changes. The commitment. They are all changing and very quickly. Do you truly think you can cope with that or learn to cope? Can you be there for and with your partner, not only when needed, but when not needed? And can you continue the relationship as though nothing has changed?

Only you know those answers. The work in a long distance relationship is no easy tiff, but it’s worth it if you two are willing to make it worth your while.

You know the answer. All you have to do is make the decision. AND, be okay with that decision.

-KD

So I ended my ldr almost 3 months ago because I didn't see it working out. He ended up in a new relationship a 2 weeks after I ended it. The problem is I regret ending it. I miss him terribly and he deleted my number so if I text he won't know who it is and I'm afraid he'll get mad if he finds out it's me. I even dreamt about him being single the other night and me trying to get back with him. My family doesn't like him now either. What should I do?

Hello there,

It’s very likely that because the break up happened so recently, your number is not gone from his mind. Just because he says he deleted your number, doesn’t mean it actually happened. But, one thing that did happen is a new relationship two weeks after you two broke up. That speaks volumes not only about your relationship with him, but the kind of person he is.

Now, in the real and fantasy world, it is very possible to break up with someone, meet someone new and dive into a new relationship pretty quickly. It’s also possible for someone to dive into a relationship they decided to revisit after a break up or a relationship they decided to go for, that was budding previously.

All of that said, although you regret breaking up with him, what’s done is done and you cannot go back. But what you can do is help yourself move towards positive growth as an individual, so that you do not drown in this regret. He has found someone new and you cannot and should not get in the way of that. It’s still fresh for him and his partner. And to be honest, would you want someone to do that to you?

Think about this.

You broke up with him for a reason. At that point in time, your reasoning was valid in your eyes. He took two weeks to move forward. And three to four months later, you have not moved forward, you have taken steps back. Take some steps forward. Focus on yourself and improve yourself.

Think about what made you break up with him, and help yourself help YOU so that you’re not in this position again. You will be okay and you will get through this. You just have to move forward. Not forget, not pretend, but truly, do your best to move...---->

-KD

how do u bring up the subject of intimacy to your partner without coming off as pushy ?

Hi hun,

You bring it up. Intimacy, sex, all that jazz, is often a taboo topic, but to be honest, it will come up and it will happen in different forms. If you would like to talk about it, bring it up. You don’t have to push for sex, sex, sex, but casually talk about it. Whether it’s your expectations, wants, needs, dislikes, likes, etc. talk about it.

Now, if you feel it’s too early in the relationship, then don’t. Save the convo for later. But if you’re ready and you’re interested in if your partner is too, discuss it. Nine times outta ten, they are too. Attraction happens.

Overall, be casual. Don’t jump from topic to topic. And be honest about why your’re bringing up the convo and definitely include what intimacy means to you and why.

-KD

I'm in love with my LDR boy so much but i feel like he doesn't care as much as I do??? When he does talk to me it's usually great but most days he'll just have a very small conversation in the morning and then at night he'll say goodnight- barely anything during the day... I have abandonment issues so it bothers me a lot tbh but I don't know how to say it without feeling like a burden or him think I'm being dramatic??? Please help if you can ;;

Hello there,

If you are in a relationship and you always feel like a burden when you’re expressing your true, honest feelings then you should revisit how you wanted this relationship to make you feel and how you wanted him to make you feel, before you two got to this point.

When you’re in a long distance relationship, communication is key and if you don’t have that...things like honesty, openness, trust (very important relationship ingredients) start to dwindle down to nothing.

If you’re feeling some type of way about the direction your relationship is heading towards and your feelings about yourself towards him, express yourself. Even if he isn’t open to hearing you out or responds in a way you think might further escalate this very simple convo, then at least you spoke up. At the end of the day, you can say I tried my best.

If you want more conversation, on your part, be the solution you want to see. Find more opportunities to communicate. Maybe the times aren’t working out for him, so see if you two can talk during another time. But find something more to talk to him about. If you feel he doesn’t care, think about why he might not care, but also consider how much you care yourself. Again, try to be the solution you want to see.

As far as your abandonment issues go, I understand those issues will get in the way of how much you think someone wants you around, but you have to think positively and tell yourself mentally and verbally, those issues will not get in the way of your relationship succeeding.

-KD

So I've had a thing with a boy for quite sometime. He doesn't want a relationship but we've had sex and everything and now that it's close to prom he told me he's going to ask another girl and not me. I don't know what to do cause none of my friends know and I care about him but he strings me along.

Hiya!

I think that you should talk to your friends. Sometimes the people you think will judge you for being in sitch like this are the very ones to help you through it. Talk to them. They’re your friends for a reason and I’m sure you trust them right? And if they have always offered good, helpful advice in the past, then I’m sure they can do it again. Just talk to them.

As for this boy, let that one go. And when I say that, I mean, let him do whatever he’s going to do. Obviously your feelings didn’t matter in this case, so you go to the dance, either by yourself, with friends or a buddy and enjoy yourself. It’s your job to show up, enjoy and live your life. You only get so many dances in your life. Don’t spend them fawning over a fairytale and don’t waste them worrying about somebody else. Have you seen Awkward, season 1? It’s the very definition of what can happen when you put your heart and jewelry box on the line for somebody who seemingly gives two fucks.

Talk to your friends. Dress up. And don’t miss that dance.

-KD

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