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globewander

anxietyproblem

There’s not much worse than this feeling right here. and I will never be good enough.

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heavensghost

ur-daily-inspiration

How stupid can you be? no really. Is that a question or simply hypothetical.

I am in love with him so much so that I fear for myself. I fear once again for my heart and my life. I feel I could be torn in two with a whisper of the wind. What am I to do? You can’t stop it, and now it’s like a boulder rolling down hill- gathering more and more speed as it goes. I don’t want to stop it but I want to get on top of it and direct it. I want to drive the boulder. I want to have power and control over where it goes, so that if I do get hurt- it won’t be as bad.

so many things he has said to me run through my head all the time. I ruminate and reflect on these words constantly, turning them over one by one and looking at them, studying them. Wondering which ones will come to pass and which ones may not. Or will they all? I put so much faith in love, it near cripples me. But I have so much faith in him. I just wish it didn’t feel like I was pushing myself on him. Or if I don’t, I have to wait for something that may never come. So I get on top of him, and love him and kiss him and cuddle him. Try to make him see, he’s the one. He is the last. He is the always. I constantly wish he feels the same, and I just verbalize it more. I constantly hope I’m doing the right things, saying the right words. Saying the things I want to tell him the right way he needs to hear them. Because god knows my head and my mouth don’t always communicate well.

I would do anything for him that he asked. So far I believe I have. Even if he asked me to leave, I want him to be happy and successful and breathe easier- so if that meant my absence, I would do that too. Because love is sacrifice, and patience. Understanding and deep connection. He picked me up from a very dark and dank place I had been residing in for far too long, and made me believe there was going to be more for me, most especially more for me with him. Life was about to change in all the drastic ways I ever dreamed about as a girl. Nothing is ever without its hard work but he made me believe in something worth more. Life in color.

I just hope I’ve made his just as vibrant.