indefinite

+was this all you wanted?+

[leaflessvow]

Is this the breaking point?

Maybe it’s too soon, to call this a breaking point. But it does feel like one. The ashes from the cigarette, disposed, thrown.  They are only the remnants of the cigarette.  You inhale all the relieve from it, and leaves the unwanted marks in you. The ashes? Those are only the unwanted parts, the visible ones. 

[leaflessvow]

Where do things go wrong?

I’m a human, too. A human that is supposed to have feelings and thoughts on its own. I make decisions, too. Only to have them restricted so I cant be like the rest, to simply have freedom.

Why was it this hard to live? What is there to lose? You cant do this, you have to be that. Do they really matter? It is all what makes us human after all.  To live, fully. Happily.  But why do they make it harder.

Remember those days where I thought it was all right When everything was all wrong. Ran and chased for those that were said to be a peaceful night But the truth is, those were told only to have a dreadful song.

What was the reason? Where do things go wrong? Are we really doing it wrong, “living”? Are we gonna scrape the little bits that is left, that’s “living”? When do we stop this expectations? Can we ever stop this never-ending threats? I don’t know We’ll never know

[leaflessvow]

What is there for you?

It’s a question I would ask myself ever since things started to fall apart around me. I am not one to put myself first when it comes to feelings. I would always push aside my feelings, have them thrown to the last row of my feelings’ compartment. Just because, “I’ll deal with it later, when the time is right.” 

I do that because I care of those around me, who stuck around when things were not going well. Their feelings and happiness matter, and without them I would never be where and who I am now. Thank you. Was it enough?

At times.. I wish I could handle myself as much as I can handle those that matter to me. I wish I was as positive, strong, open-minded and loving to myself, my poor dear self. But instead I do the opposite. I am always hard on myself, I complicate things, I take things way too serious, I hated my own guts, I killed whatever it is to have doubts because, I always learn things the hard way, having things easy is something so foreign to me. What have I done? 

[leaflessvow]

“what is there for you?”