This is definitely long over due. I think my absence kind of solidified that I was not returning to this blog. I was much younger mentally and I loved every moment and every story I put out. I wanted to let you all know that I am retiring this account. I won't delete it because I do love coming back to read old stories and seeing your comments really made me happy. However, I just don't see myself making any more stories for the fandom.
I hope you all come to enjoy what is left here.
For the "if i was her" series, it was going to end with the reader staying with Atsumu, and eventually Iwaizumi and her sister would break up. That is all I had for ideas for the part 3. I think that was my only story that I had yet to finish. I hope this has brought some sort of closure for that story.
I have truly appreciated you all for being on this journey with me. Every like, reblog, comment, it meant everything to an 18 year old me. I am 23 now and hoping to apply to graduate school this year. Please wish me luck.
That being said, I am not entirely gone from tumblr. I have a sister account @loafsbakery where I have written for Joel Miller, Anakin, Din Djarin, and most recently, Jack Abbot ;). You guys can always check that out too if you miss some of my writing. I know some of you have also grown up these few years with me.
This account means so much to me, I will still look forward to any comments or likes you may leave here in the future.
A/N: It was hard to figure out how to go about this one
Synopsis: He doesn’t really want you to care for him and the little scars he hides so well
Genre: Band!AU, fluff, angst (duh)
Warnings: drug use, strip clubs, toxic relationship,
Pairings: leadsinger!Atsumu x f!reader, timeskip!Atsumu x f!reader.
Main Masterlist
preview,
“We’re going tomorrow night.” Mila says to you. She’s been raving about this band for the longest time. “Taro is opening for them!”
You pull up your head from the kitchen table, you got home 20 minutes ago from working at the club and your head hurts. She knows you love Taro which is why she used that against you. “Fine. I’m not working tomorrow anyway.”
She claps her hands together. “Maybe you could wear what you’re wearing now! Your bodysuit looks cute. Did they tip you for handing them drinks.”
You smile, remembering it was a busy Thursday. “Yea, a bachelor party came in, and although I think they’re absolute pigs, they do tip a shit ton.”
“Ugh, I wish, my shift starts at seven pm, and I finish at midnight so I’ll meet you at the club they’re performing at.” She looks at her watch and notices it’s about six am. “Agh, go to sleep ok, get some rest.”
“G’night.” You change out of your clothes, shower, and then you fall dead on your bed.
You hardly ever have dreams, but this time, you dreamt that you and Mila were somewhere better than a scruffy two bedroom apartment in the middle of Chicago. Despite the shitty apartment, you two had a wonderful view of the city, and that was about the nicest thing you had.
Working as a waitress definitely helped you be able to pay your rent and own a couple of nice things. You love the girls you met there, but you just aren’t sure if this is what you want to be doing forever. There was just never another option for you.
When you wake up its one in the afternoon. You have a long day before you have to meet up with Mila, so you clean the house, make breakfast, and get ready to head to the gym.
It’s about 5pm when you walk in and spot Kenma and Kuroo, your friends from the orphanage. “Hey!” You wave them down and Kuroo gives a big and bright smile while Kenma waves slightly. They own the gym chain after Kenma made a fortune doing what he loves and Kuroo was a good business partner. They’re like you and Mila, joint together. “I haven’t seen you guys around here in forever! What are you guys doing?”
“Monthly inspection at the gyms.” Kenma replies.
Kuroo spits and laughs. “There’s a band that this kid likes in town, so we decided to kill two birds with one stone.”
You think for a second. “Is it the Jaguars or something? Mila and I are going to that too, tonight.”
“It’s The Jackals,” Kenma corrects.
Kuroo points at Kenma then looks back at you. “Did you get reeled in because she said-”
“Taro was going to be there, yes I did.” You two laugh together. Kuroo introduced you to Taro, he’s very big and upcoming, but you assume The Jackals are too since so many people like them. “Do you guys wanna work out with me? Its leg day.”
The two of them cross their arms in an X and shake their heads. “Last time we did that, Kenma was bedridden, and my co-workers made fun of me, so no thank you Sweetie.”
You laugh and punch Kuroo’s shoulder, everyone at the orphanage called you a sweetheart, so Kuroo aptly nicknamed you Sweetie. “Alright you big babies, I’ll see you at the concert.” They wave goodbye and you get to work.
You pull up your workout playlist and decide to add some of The Jackals’s song that would fit your workout playlist. You add Hardest to Love, Starboy, When will I See You Again, and Gimme Love. The first song was upbeat and everything, but the message behind it was so sad. He’s singing how hard it must be to love him and he feels bad that the other person tries so hard and puts up a front to be with him. Obviously at the end, they eventually give up and he talks about how he knew this was going to happen.
Your heart clenches, but you continue to the next song. Starboy was even more upbeat that the last, but it was very accusatory. Like they were pointing a finger at someone and telling them ‘look what you did to me.’ You liked it.
When Will I See You Again was softer than the other two and it was sweet. Not as loud about their feelings as the other ones. It was just about holding someone close to them after them being away.
Then Gimme Love was about a relationship that was pretty doomed, but he can’t help but stay and try his best. He wants what they used to be, and even though it’s not good now, he can’t let go of them.
You listen to your regular playlist by Taro after you finish your squats and head to the leg press. You loved all his songs, but Psycho and Stay were your favorites, you just hoped he played them at his concert.
Once you finish up your workout its already 7pm. You head back home, eat dinner, and go shower again. You get ready in your concert clothes with your boots so your feet don’t die in the mosh. You also put on some makeup, jewelry, and perfume so you don’t smell too bad.
It’s 11pm once you finish and you rush out to get on the train. It’s about a 30-minute ride and you continue to listen to your Taro playlist, excited to see him so soon.
You get off on your stop and walk to the venue. It’s at an underground club in Chicago, they aren’t big artists yet, so the venues are smaller. You were there decently early, there were only about a handful of people so you grabbed a drink and sat at the bar.
You texted Mila to tell her were you were and she said she was leaving the club already. You texted Kuroo and he said they were driving and there was a crazy amount of traffic. So you just sat by yourself.
“Hey, can I get a blue moon.” The bartender cracks one open and hands it to him. “Thanks.”
You chuckle at the guy and he looks at you questioningly. “No orange?” You ask. Normally most people drink it with an orange.
He looks down at his drink and nods. “Didn’t feel like an orange kinda night.”
“I guess that’s fair.” You shrug and continue to sip on your drink.
“What about you, what are you drinking?”
You smile and nod your head. “Uh, sprite, ha.” The man chuckles.
He has a wonderful smile, you note, and his physique is quite impressive. “What are ya doin’ here so early? Big fan?”
“Um, my roommate told me to be here at midnight, so I like to be punctual.” You shrug
He nods in understanding and begins to take a seat next to you. “What’s yer name?”
You tell him. “You can just call me Sweetie. What about you?”
His eyes widen and you don’t know what you did wrong. “So, you came here, just for yer roommate, not cause you know the band that’s playin’ tonight?”
You shake your head. “I know Taro, and I just started listening to a few of the The Jackals’s songs today.”
He sets his beer down on the table and crosses his arms. “And which of their songs are yer favorite right now?”
You hum and think for a bit. “I think it’s Hardest to Love. I liked the openness of it. How he understands that he’s not easy to handle, but that he did love the person and he wishes he could have fixed it if only he knew how. I think it’s a pretty message and relatable. Shit happens, and you never know how to handle every situation.”
At the time you didn’t hear it, but he lets out a breath and then just smiles at you. “Wow, you really analyze songs a lot.”
You smile sheepishly and drink your soda. “I really like music, so I’m never opposed to listening to new artists.”
“That’s good to know.” He finishes the last of his beer and gets up. “I gotta run, but you enjoy the show.” You wave back about to ask for his name, but he’s already gone.
Not long after, Mila, Kuroo and Kenma show up. The four of you make your way to the front, and since you were there early, everything worked out. “Gahh I’m so excited Sweetie!”
“Me too! I’m so excited for Taro.” You and Kuroo fist bump and wait impatiently.
An MC comes out on stage to introduce. “How are all you gorgeous people doin’ tonight.” There’s a bunch of woo’s and yea’s coming from the crowd. “I won’t take up too much of your time, so first up we got Taro-” the crowd screams, you and Kuroo are among them. “Alright settle down, he’s performing four songs for you today. Then The Jackals will come in as your main set.”
Everyone claps and waits for the MC to finish. “Without further ado… make some noise for TARO!”
You and Kuroo are screeching, clapping your hands together. Taro comes out in some chains, a mesh shirt which has everyone going apeshit, sneakers, and a bucket hat. Everyone’s still screaming by the time he gets to the mic. “Alright, shut up you fucks.”
Everyone laughs and a few people scream ‘we love you Taro!’
He laughs into the mic and nods. “Yea I love you guys too. Now let’s get this going, what song are we thinking?”
Your mouth moves before you could even think. “PSYCHO!” You screech, but then get embarrassed after realizing how loud you were.
He laughs again, grabbing the mic off the stand and squats down in front of you. “Fitting, since you’re all a bunch of little psychos.” He rubs the top of your head with his hand and gets up. “Let’s get it.”
You die internally because holy shit, Taro touched you. You don’t have time to bask in it though because his number starts and you and Kuroo need to go crazy for it. He starts, “Yea my AP goin’ psycho…”
Taro’s numbers are to die for and everyone is having a great time. Before you know it, he’s on his last song of the night. “It’s been fun you guys, so let’s end it with Stay.”
You want to cry because that’s all you wanted. When he gets to the chorus, you and Kuroo yell, “but don’t count on me to stay!”
Taro finishes up and you’re sad to see him go. “Thank you Chicago! I’ll miss my hometown. We’ll see each other soon.” He winks at the crowd and you all cheer him off.
The MC comes back as the people behind him change up the set. “Alright, and our main set. Everyone, please welcome in The Jackals!” Mila is jumping and yelling while Kenma is just clapping, but he has this big smile on his face. You go to tie your shoes since someone stepped on your laces and undid them.
When The Jackals come up, the lead singer steps in front of the mic while the other three set up. “Hey everyone, if you don’t know,” you recognize the voice and you stand back up so quickly only to see the lead singer, the man you talked to at the bar looking down at you. “I’m Atsumu, the lead singer, that’s Shoyo on guitar, Kiyoomi on bass, and Kotaro on drums.” You stand unmoving, completely lost. How could you not know. “Now, I know we were gonna open with Starboy, but I’ve been convinced to start with Hardest to Love so enjoy this everyone.”
He smiles in your direction, and this does not go unnoticed by your roommate. “Sweetie, what in the hell happened.”
You stood there, still shocked. “All I did was make fun of his beer.”
Atsumu starts, “You try with me so many times…”
Regardless of anything, Atsumu had a wonderful voice that hit every note you could think of. High, low, whatever, he could do it. You didn’t know, but The Jackals knew he was showing off and just smirked to themselves.
Once he finishes he moves on. “Did you guys like that?” The crowd howls at him making him smile and chuckle. “We’ve got 8 more songs, let’s make this count, yea?” Everyone is excited and pumped up.
You try to enjoy the songs, but how can you when he’s looking at you so intensely. You decide to ignore it and have a fun time with your friends.
The last song comes up and it’s Cough Syrup, you haven’t listened to it so you decided to pay attention to the lyrics. It’s a great song, it helps slow down the fast tempo everyone was cheering at and is a great closing number. You make eye contact with Atsumu, a blush appears on your face but you refuse to look away.
Still, it doesn’t help that he’s looking at you with a grin on his face singing into the microphone. You can’t help it that he looks so incredibly attractive while doing it. It’s not your fault.
The music slows and Atsumu sings the last line, “One more spoon of cough syrup, now woah.” Everyone’s cheering and clapping while the band all gets on one knee and thanks everyone.
“Thank you Chicago, yer always my best crowd. Just tell Taro that yer all my hometown.” The crowd laughs and claps to the singer, he pushes his hair back with a hand, sweat prominent on his features. “Love ya.”
“We love you!” Everyone yells back at him. He smiles and waves goodbye, then everyone goes on their own way.
Atsumu is still there looking at you, he mouths to you ‘come backstage with your friends.’ You nod, unable to do anything else. “Hey guys, follow me.” They all do without question.
When you get to their room, there’s a man in front of the door. “You are?” He asks.
“Um, I’m y/n, Atsumu said to come back here.” He nods and opens the door for you. It’s all the band members sitting on the couch and Taro, except for Kiyoomi who’s in the shower.
“Sweetie! Hi.” He kisses the side of your cheek to welcome you and you’re taken aback, but don’t say anything of it. “Yer all her friends?”
Mila is frozen, her dreams coming true all at once. “Mila.” She says pointing to her self. The Jackals and Taro chuckle at her while Atsumu shakes Kuroo’s and Kenma’s hands.
“It’s nice to meet you all.” You say nodding your head in their direction.
Suna gets up and rubs your head. “You’re the psycho girl.”
“What?” Atsumu asks confused and your cheeks flush bright red.
“She asked me to play Psycho really loud. Good choice by the way.” You thank him for his music and Kuroo begins to engage in conversation with him.
Mila and Kenma somehow get talking to Shoyo and Kotaro in the meantime. “Cat got yer tongue?” Atsumu teases.
You roll your eyes, your previous nervousness fleeing, it’s just something about him. “Please, I was just feeling nervous.”
He chuckles at you. “Did ya like the show?”
“Yea, Taro was great, your voice broke a couple times though.” You tease back.
“What, there’s no way-” your laugh cuts him off and he pouts. “Not funny.”
You smile and pat his shoulder. “I think you did great, really. I liked all of the songs.” You’re staring at each other for too long and there’s just something there that you can’t deny.
He leans in to whisper in your ear, sending chills down your spine. “Would ya like to come over to my apartment?” You don’t want to get too attached to a singer, but you wouldn’t be opposed to it either. A night with him and maybe a little more doesn’t seem like a bad idea at all.
“Alright.” You smile.
Despite common stereotypes, Atsumu was a gentleman above all else. He made sure you were comfortable, gave your roommate his address in case she wanted to go check on you, and asked if you were alright all the time.
“If I wasn’t ok, I would’ve kicked you and ran away with your car.” He chuckles and continues to change the gear on his car. “What’s it’s name again.”
He revs the engine. “Aran.”
“Ohh, where’d you get that name from?” You ask.
Atsumu shifts in his seat a bit and comes to a stop at a red light. “My brother and I used to live in a pretty bad neighborhood, and Aran was our friend. He was older than us so he and another guy named Shin were like family to us along with Rintaro.” He sighs and puts the car into gear to drive. “Anyway, when we were 17 Aran joined the army to help support his family, but he ended up in a crossfire and passed away.”
There was a lump in your throat and you weren’t sure what to say. “I’m glad I got to meet one Aran then.”
You thought he was going to stare you down but he just laughed. “Me, too. He was awesome.”
“I didn’t really live in the greatest place either, lots of kids I knew went to join the army, but I never heard if they were ok.” You fiddle with your hands a bit.
He asks, “Where did you live?”
“I grew up in the orphanage not too far from the venue you were at. I met all my friends there. They kind of kick you out as soon as you’re 16.” You shrug.
“Damn.” Atsumu says. “What’ve you been doin’ since then.”
“Work to live?” The two of you chuckle. “I work at a strip club in the heart of Chicago, I’m a waitress. I can’t dance for shit.”
He laughs at you and you just smile. “That’s good, let me know where and I’ll visit ya sometime.”
“I’m honored that you would pay me such a visit.” You push his shoulder and the two of you laugh together in the car.
You’re about to go down a steep hill but stop at the top. “My apartment is just down there.” He points all the way at the bottom. “We’re gunning it down.”
“Atsumu no-”
“Atsumu yes.” He winks and before you can say anything, you’re rolling down the hill grabbing onto Atsumu’s arm for dear life, eyes locked on the downhill road. You’re yelling and Atsumu is just laughing at you before coming to a hard stop at his place. “We made it.”
You look at him, arms shaking. “I’m gonna kill you.”
He smiles and kisses your cheek. “Chin up, let’s go eat, I’m starvin’.” The small kiss takes you aback, but you hop out of the car and follow him. He holds out his hand and you take it. He leads you up the stairs and into his apartment. “Sorry it’s kinda a mess.” He scratches the back of his head.
There’s papers all over and instruments all over the place, even a picture of him and- “Did you photo shop that?” It was a picture of him and someone who looked just like him on a volleyball court with seven other people
He looks to the picture you point at and laughs. “No, that’s my brother, we’re twins.”
“I feel bad for your mom, you guys must’ve been a handful.” You smile.
Atsumu nods, placing pizza into the microwave, a small smile spreading on his face. “She was great though, never gave up on us.” He looks up and his face drops. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking-”
You hold up a hand and shake your head. “Don’t worry about it, I know you didn’t mean anything by it. Single parents are badass.”
He agrees. “D’ya know anything about yer ma?”
You shake your head. “No, I don’t even know if I want to, you know? It’s been so long, knowing who she is now would just make me so angry.”
The microwave dings and he goes to grab the pizza. “Follow me.” He leads you up yet another flight of stairs, but once you get to a door, the cool Chicago breeze welcomes you and you find yourselves on the attic.
You take in the beautiful view that surrounds you. The lights overwhelmingly yellow and orange, cars driving by, trains, busses, and the beautiful sky, that due to the pollution, only the moon was visible. There were a few stars here and there, ones that never quit. “This is everything. I can’t go back home now that I’ve seen this.”
“Then don’t.” Atsumu shrugs taking a bite of his pizza, offering you a slice. You decline.
You and him sit across from each other on these lawn chairs looking at the sky. When he finishes his slice you turn to him. “Why did you want me to come with you.”
“The truth?” He asks. You nod. “I was really just lookin’ for a nice night, but after talkin’ to ya, I think it’d be safe to say I’m glad I met ya.” Why is it that you’ve only just met and he causes your heart to flutter like this. This was cosmic, you felt it in your bones, and whether or not Atsumu wanted to admit it, he knew that too. Knew that you would be someone special, someone he wouldn’t let himself have, but he ignored all that. “Why did you accept?”
You shrug. “Random hookup didn’t seem like a bad idea. I got swept away by your rocker singer persona or whatever.” He smiles at you and grabs a hold of your hand. You don’t want to ask if he’s looking for a relationship, because you’re scared of the answer. You want him to keep holding your hand just as he is. “Why did you become a singer?”
“It was actually my second dream.” You sit up and turn to face him. “I wanted to become a pro-volleyball player, but our school wasn’t well equipped with training to even get past the first round in a tournament. I didn’t want to burden my ma.”
“For what it’s worth, I think, maybe in another life, you’re doing just that.” He chuckles and squeezes your hand. “Is your dad not in the picture?”
He shakes his head. “Nah. He took off after our fourth birthday. He was shit dad for the time he was there anyway, so I’d like to say we were better off without him.” Atsumu pulls out his phone and plays a song on it. You haven’t heard it before, but you recognize his voice through the speakers. “Dance with me?”
You get up and place your hand on his shoulder and the other in his hand while he wraps his other one securely around your waist. “Which one of your songs is this?”
“Slow Dancing in the Dark. Bokuto wrote it, his boyfriend and him were really goin’ through it at the time.” The two of you dance around the roof. He places you on the ledge and lets you jump onto him as he spins you in his arms.
You laugh and sway with him again. “You’re quite the charmer. You do this with a lot of girls?”
He shakes his head. “Nah, most of them don’t talk to me as much as you have.” He smiles.
“I like how open you are.” You blurt out, but it’s already out there. “I dunno, it just makes other people more comfortable to be real with you.”
“I never got anything from being a liar. I guess that’s just how I am. How do you get me to talk so much Sweetie? You haven’t talked much about yerself.”
“You haven’t asked.” You teased and he places you on his lap as you sit back down.
“What’s yer dream Sweetie?” He smiles and keeps you guys moving.
You hum and just wonder if maybe it was too deep to share, but he’s been so honest with you, you feel like you could tell him. “To have a family of my own. To never abandon them and make sure they know I love them with all my heart.”
“That’s a pretty dream.” You smile and rest your head on his shoulder, you two dance till the music stops.
You wake up the next morning next to Atsumu on his bed. Memories from the night hit you like a bus and you want to squeal. He was sweet all the way through. You try to gather your thoughts but it was all scrambled with the fact that you slept with the lead singer of a band. You gotta cross that off a list somewhere.
Atsumu moves and he wakes up, looking at you holding the sheets up to your chest. “Mornin’.” He greets and you mutter a small hi as you shrink into the bed. “Ah, don’t be shy now. I’m gonna go make breakfast.”
You pull a shirt of his and some boxers out to wear and you make your way to the kitchen. He sees you come in and smiles while turning his head to the side. “I hope you don’t mind.” You refer to the stolen clothes.
He waves you off and continues to cook up some wonderful breakfast. “How d’ya like yer eggs?”
“Scrambled please.” He smiles cooking that right up. “How’d you become such a great cook.”
“My brother owns a restaurant.”
You nod. “Yea, I think he’d be disappointed if you didn’t know how to cook.” The two of you chuckle together and he places the egg on your plate.
“Any plans today?”
You think for a moment before groaning. “Yea, Mila and I work from 6pm to 1am today.”
Atsumu perks his head up and smiles. “I’ll bring the guys then, visit you on the job.”
You laugh and agree. “Ok, I’ll see you there then.”
The two of you eat breakfast together before he drops you off at your house, still in his clothes. “See ya later tonight.” He winks, and all you can do is smile and wave as he drives off. Before you can turn back around, Mila pulls you inside and up the stairs.
She sits you down on the couch and stares at you. “Alright, explain.”
“Well, he was really nice, we danced, talked and… well you know, then he made me breakfast and drove me back here, oh and he’s coming to our job later with his friends.” You tell.
Her mouth is stuck wide open, unable to move. “Oh my- how do you do that. Well now I’m nervous to go to work. I think he likes you y/n.”
“I don’t think that’s what he’s looking for Mila.” You get up and head to your room.
She laughs and shakes her head. “Well someone better tell him you don’t dance and be all sweet to your friends with benefits.”
“I don’t think that’s exactly what this is either.” You say.
“Well then it’s a big fat fucking ‘it’s complicated’.” She throws her hands up mumbling to herself about what to wear.
You’d hate to admit it, but you think that’s exactly what this is.
Nevertheless you got ready for your day with Mila. It wasn’t too crowded yet, and you would be lying if you said you weren’t antsy for Atsumu and the rest of them to show up. Mila picked up on it really quick.
“You’re gonna burn a hole in the door looking at it like that.” She quips
Your shoulders sag a little. “Am I that obvious?” You ask her.
“Only to me, Sweetie.” She pinches your cheeks before carrying her tray to her table.
Somewhere during your conversation a new table was sat, and when you went to wait on them you locked eyes with a familiar blonde. Your whole body relaxed, and Atsumu turned to you, a warmth spread throughout his body. Whatever was happening between the two of you was happening fast, and even though Atsumu knew he couldn’t give you more, he was selfish and wanted to have you if not just for another day.
He smiles charmingly at you when you get to the table. “Hello boys.”
“Hi Sweetie,” they all wave to you: Kotaro, Shoyo, and Kiyoomi. Atsumu grabs your hand and kisses it looking up at you. He was taking in the lovely corset you had on with the fishnets.
You blushed deeply, but it was hidden by the bright and colorful lights in the club. “What can I do for you boys?” They give you their orders which you take diligently to the bar.
“See, they got here.” Mila snickers and waves at them from behind the bar. “Let me help you with the drinks.”
The two of you finish them quickly and walk over to drop them on the table. Before you’re able to say anything you feel a quick slap on your ass. Your whole body freezes up and you turn to see a very drunk customer. “No touching,” you seethe.
Mila turns as well, standing next to you as help. “Mmm no, I don’t think that’s what you should say.” The guy walks right up to you and grabs your arm. Immediately another arm shoots out to grab his.
“Hey,” Atsumu says cooly grinning with mal intent. “Why don’t you let go of her arm yea?”
The guy is displeased and raises an arm to which Atsumu’s friends respond quickly by getting up, but he was stopped by Earl, one of the security workers. “Are you alright Sweetie and Mila?”
Mila nods. “Yea this guy needs to go, he’s touching.” She huffs and Earl nods.
“Don’t worry he’ll be gone soon.” Earl disappears with the man out the door and you let out a breath.
“Are you okay?” Atsumu asks, his jaw tight.
You nod breathing in. “Yea, it comes with the job. Earl and Riley are really good at kicking them out if need be.” You smile. “Sit down and relax, don’t worry too much about me.”
“Well that’s not possible.” Atsumu murmurs, but you are already halfway back to the bar with Mila.
“You’re sick Atsumu.” Shoyo says.
Atsumu turns to his bandmate with a wary look. “Huh?”
Kotaro nods in agreement with the guitarist. “You got it bad Atsumu.”
“She’s good. Really good.” Shoyo adds again.
He ignores them and changes the subject. Kiyoomi and the rest of them understand he’s deflecting because he likes you too, but he can’t be with you. He won’t let himself be with you, and that’s exactly what they want him to see, that he can.
Regardless of his distaste for their probing, Atsumu gets his notepad out and scribbles down some lyrics. “You really brought that with you?” Kiyoomi asks pointedly.
Atsumu rolls his eyes at his friend. “I bring it everywhere. I don’t know why you’re surprised. The boys begin conversing about their next upcoming show but Atsumu is watching you. He watches you laugh with Mila and charm the customers that come up to you.
He hasn’t felt this sense of comfort in a long time, but watching you is inspiring in itself. He nudges Bokuto to get his attention. “What’s up?”
“Can you help me with this? I think it’s good.” He refers back to the notepad where he has the title of the song written.
Bokuto hums looking over the lyrics. “Locked Out of Heaven? Sounds good.” He doesn’t comment and how he talks so vividly about you. Even though he hasn’t said it, Bokuto knows. “Instead of cause you got me feelin like to cause you make me feel like, good?”
The two of them fix up some of the wording in the song meanwhile Shoyo called over one of the girls to dance for Kiyoomi. Kiyoomi is glaring at Hinata, but doesn’t shoo the girl away, he’s a gentlemen of course.
Eventually your shifts are up and you come back out wearing some sweats and a hoodie. “All done.” You smile.
Atsumu looks at you with wonder as he takes in your clothes. “No corset? I think I like a girl in uniform.”
“I’m off the clock, mister.” You say teasingly before walking ahead of him and the others following. “What do you want to do?”
He hums stepping closer to you. “Do you like Just Dance?”
Over the course of the next month or so you and Atsumu grew much closer and he released Locked Out of Heaven. While you had a sneaking suspicion it was about you, you never said anything.
You, Mila, Kuroo, and Kenma still attended all of their concerts and the crowds kept getting bigger with each passing show. Atsumu lit up the stage, he was a performer, a great one and he captured everyone’s attention. You really couldn’t help but look at him with stars in your eyes every time.
However, you were getting tired of not understanding where the two of you stood. It frightened you how much you liked Atsumu, how much you could envision him in your future. It scared you not knowing if he thought of you like you thought of him.
That’s why you were standing outside his apartment and knocking on the door. He answered quickly and leaned on the door frame. “Hi Sweetie,” he kissed your cheek letting you in. “This is a nice surprise.”
When he closes the door you mumble a hello, but your nerves are at an all time high. He notices something is up and asks, but he already doesn’t like this feeling. To him, the point of not being in a relationship was to not feel this way. Like he was close to fighting with you and losing. “I just... I have a question.” You say looking up at him. “What am I... to you? Do you think about me?”
“I think about you a lot.” He admits, whether he wanted to or not. “What’s going on?”
“It’s just that I think about you all the time. I want you, all the time. More so, I just want to know that you’re with me, that you want me the same way I want you.” Atsumu recoils back from your admission like you shot him.
He shakes his head. “I’m confused.”
You throw your hands up a little frustrated. “I want you Atsumu. In every single way possible. I want your clothes at my apartment, I want to keep an extra toothbrush here. I want to go on dates with just you and me not in the house, I just want to hold your hand and I want to be together... officially together. I love-” You can barely get it out, but when you look at Atsumu’s face the words die on your lips. “What?”
“No.” He says sternly. “I never- when did you ever get the idea that that’s what this was?”
Your chest hurts in the worst possible way. This is not the way you expected this to turn out. “You can’t look at me the way you do and not expect me to think you love me too.”
Atsumu runs a hand through his hair and looks equally as upset as you are right now. “No you’re completely off the mark. This- this is not what that is. You need to get your delusions in check.”
You scoff getting angrier as the seconds pass. “It’s not delusions when even your friends say the same thing.”
His head shoots up at you. “What the fuck did they say to make you think that?”
“That they’ve never seen you happier, that you seem lighter and like you’re finally able to let someone love you instead of thinking you can’t.” You spit out at him.
“Well they fucking lied to you.” He grits.
You shake your head. “You’re insane Atsumu. I know you love me too. Why is it such a fucking problem for you to admit that?”
“Because it’s not fucking true, Sweetie. I don’t know how you deluded yourself into that-”
“Don’t call me fucking crazy, I’m not fucking crazy.” You stand up from the couch and walk over to him. “You can’t touch me the way you do and look at me like you do and say you don’t care about me. I won’t let you lie straight to my fucking face.”
“I don’t want a relationship, I don’t want this. I don’t want the expectations that come with this.”
It grabs your attention as you laugh humorlessly. “Yea Atsumu, I expect you to love me fucking back, that’s so much to ask for though with you isn’t it.”
He buries his hands in his hair ruffling it. “This is exactly what I’m talkin’ about! I don’t want this fighting, we’re not even together, shit. We’re not together!”
“I think I understand that very well. Why won’t you let me love you Tsum?” You whisper.
“Because I don’t fucking want it, I don’t want you, I don’t want an us, I’ve made myself pretty fucking clear.”
“Loud and clear. Especially when I’ve just admitted that I love you and you throw shit in my face.” You retort.
He sighs, “Shut up Sweetie, please.”
“The day I do is the day I stop caring about you, Atsumu.” He’s frustrated because he doesn’t know how to explain this to you and he doesn’t want to.
“Just go. Just fucking leave.”
“I’m not leaving this goddamn apartment until you tell me you don’t love me!” You say, tired and desperate. “Do you love me Atsumu?”
He shakes his head. “I don’t wantcha to love me.”
You recoil and cross your arms. “But do you love me, please? I don't think that’s much to ask.”
He doesn’t have it in him to say it, but he cannot stand you to be here a second longer. “News flash, Sweetie. It’s not that hard to not fall in love with you. You should have learned that by now.” He went real low, even knows it from the way your face falls and you lose the fight you had in you. His chest tightens from the look you give him. “The door is right fuckin’ there. I didn’t think you were so dense, fuck!”
“Don’t fucking talk to me like that!” You yell back. “All I wanted Atsumu-” you choke on a sob. “All I really wanted, was to know that someone fucking loved me for once.” You say as a whisper. “And that-” you sniffle, wiping your tears, “that you knew loving you isn’t a chore, it was a goddamn fairy tale. Even now. Even as you push me away and tell me you hate me, I still love you.” You leave, deciding that Atsumu isn’t hard to love at all, but he makes it hard to stay.
When the door shuts and he can no longer hear your footsteps, Atsumu throws the remote control at his wall. “Fuck!”
You don’t hear from him since then, and Mila had her work cut out for her. Knowing that the singer from her favorite band did this to her best friend is something she wouldn’t stand for.
She blocked all of their numbers from both of your phones. Even though the other boys didn’t do anything she had to be extra sure he had no way of contacting you. Kuroo and Kenma were let in on the whole thing too.
As you nursed your broken heart Mila held onto you as you tried to explain what he said, and that really solidified her hatred for the man. “That is not true Sweetie. I’ll love you till the day I die.” She kissed the top of your head as you cried yourself to sleep.
Kuroo and Kenma visited too and she let them in on what happened. “Why would he-”
“I have no idea. I think he just wanted to hurt her, because I don’t believe for one second that he wasn’t in love with her.” The three of them nod in agreement as they witnessed Atsumu with you first hand. “He’s just a fucking idiot.”
“You’re a fucking idiot.” Kiyoomi chimes in after listening to Atsumu’s rant about what happened with you weeks ago. They all asked where you had went, and with enough probing they got it out of him.
Atsumu looks shocked. “She’s delusional.”
Bokuto shakes his head. “She would be if she wasn’t right. She’s right, Atsumu and in your heart of hearts I know you know that. I know you know that you’re also in love with her.”
The singer groans. “Not you guys too.”
“I think you’re just in denial because then you would have to face the fact that you treated her disgustingly awful.” Kiyoomi says. “For some unknowing reason she fell in love with you. I think this is where your luck runs out Atsumu, because you’re never going to meet someone like that again.”
All of them are shocked at how much Kiyoomi was saying all at once. He normally was quiet, but you and the bassist developed a nice friendship, which was saying a lot for Sakusa.
“He’s not wrong Atsumu.” Hinata breaks the silence. “The quicker you realize that, then the faster you can beg for her forgiveness, because I don’t think you’ll get her back with anything less.”
The boys get up to set up their instruments leaving Atsumu in their dressing room to wonder how he got here in the first place. He felt so many things all at once and he turned to his notepad, because he couldn’t express himself in any other way.
He performed with group and charismatic as he may be, they noticed how off he was. At one point during the show he slipped up the lyrics to one of the songs. “Shit...” he laughs it off. “Maybe I’m just a little fucked up guys I’m sorry.” The crowd cheers him on regardless, but he finds himself looking for your face. A glimpse of it somewhere, and the disappointment burns him in a way he has never experienced.
Once the set finishes he goes back to his notepad, ignoring the stares his friends give him. He looks at Bokuto with a knowing look. The drummer sits down and pats his back. “What do you need help with?”
The two of them get to writing together, although it was mostly Atsumu’s words Bokuto helped clean it up. Atsumu was always good at understanding his emotions when they were on a piece of paper, but how could he go after what he really wanted. Every relationship he ever had crashed and burned, just like yours did and it didn’t even have a label on it.
But that was his mistake.
You were never just going to be another girl to him. He loved you more than he cared to admit. So much that it ached. So much that he couldn’t bear how fast his heart beat around you and he had to burn you too. He was most definitely the problem.
You just wanted an unconditional love, and he did love you, but could he love you the way you deserved? Was it fair that he decided these things for you? Probably not.
He wasn’t sure how he was going to get you to meet with him. After what he said he wouldn’t want to either, but he picked up his phone and tried to call. “The number you’re trying to reach...” Yea. He should’ve expected that one.
He tried Mila’s and the same thing happened. The same thing would happen with your other friends’ numbers. “Shit.” He clicks his tongue but then turns his attention to Kiyoomi. “Hey, Omi-”
“Don’t even try.” He said tuning his bass not even looking up. “She’s blocked all of us, all of them did. Not that I really blame her.”
Atsumu nods, but decides this is just a little bump in the road. He needs to plan everything anyway, it would be silly to ask for you back without one. He needed to plan.
Over the next few days he booked a venue, the same one you met at. He donated what he could to the orphanage you grew up in. In the hopes that the children live a little better than you did. He doesn’t really plan on telling you that one.
It was difficult for him, the band was in the middle of a life changing contract, but his priorities were set for the first time in his life. He pleads his bandmates to help him, and they accept because you deserve to have a choice on whether or not you get to be with the person you love.
He goes to the strip that you work out and hopes to run into you, but he’s met with Mila, a more formidable opponent. She looks up with a smile to greet the new customer, but when she sees him her face drops. “You’ve got about ten seconds to get out before I ask Riley to do it.”
“I just need two minutes.” He asks.
“You don’t deserve any.” She cleans the glasses in front of her not looking at it. “I mean it.”
Atsumu nods. “I know. I know I don’t, but listen to me and if you don’t want to after that then I’ll leave.”
She looks skeptical but relents. You deserve the choice to be with him or not. Not that she believes he deserves it. “Two minutes. Starting now.”
“I didn’t mean it.” He says sheepishly. “Any of it and if I could take it back I would. I-” He huffs out a breath, wishing he could talk to you. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt the way I did with her, and I know that she deserved more than I could offer, but I do want her.” His fists clench trying to get out the right words. “I want her more than I have wanted anything, and it scared me and I fucked up I know, but I- well... I love her. Whether I deserve to or not I do. And by some miracle she loves me too... or did.”
Atsumu shakes his head to get back on track, Mila’s full attention is on him as he slips her a flyer and four tickets. “If you could get her to come to this show... I’d owe you everything, regardless of what happens I just don’t want to lie to her anymore.”
Mila peaks at it and watches him leave as he doesn’t wait for her answer. “Fuck.” She mutters. “I hate being a good fucking person.” She snatches the tickets and puts them in her bag.
When she gets home you’re cleaning the house again, something you’ve been doing to keep your mind busy. Mila sets down the take out as she comes to sit on the couch.
“Sweetie guess what.” You pick your head up to look at her. “Taro is coming to town again.”
Your shoulders slump a little and you shrug. “I don’t know, I don’t really want to go.”
“Pleaseeeeee.” She whines. “Kuroo bought us all tickets, he’s the main event. Some randos are opening for him it’ll be fun I promise.” You don’t really know how fun it would be to go back to the place that reminds you of him entirely.
“I’m just not sure it would be good for me.” You say lowly.
Her heart breaks for you, but she is hard to deter. “I promise just this once, if you don’t like being there within the first hour we can go home. Promise.”
In the end, you end up agreeing and Mila fills the boys in on the plan. When Friday hits you all get ready at your apartment Kuroo and Kenma waiting with anticipation.
“You look great Sweetie.” Kuroo coos teasingly and your face heats up.
“I will kill you.” You joke.
Kenma looks up questioningly. “Doubtful.” It earns a small laugh from you which brings a smile to his face.
The four of you make your way to the venue and when you recognize the building of your old home you twitch in discomfort. You don’t voice it though, agreeing to stick it out the hour. Mila is in front and hands the bouncer your tickets while you walk ahead.
It is decently packed, but you wonder why he chose a small venue again with the publicity he has gotten over the month.
“I’m sorry Sweetie, but I’m also not sorry.” Mila smiles, and before you can ask her what she means the lights turn off and you can’t see. Your heart rate picks up, but it slows when the lights of the stage turn on, but the calm is short lived when you see him and the rest of the band on the stage.
“Hi everyone.” Atsumu waves and tries to find you in the crowd. “Now, I’ve recently written a new song yea? It’s the last one of the night.” The crowd howls with excitement and Atsumu loves the thrill it gives him, but he’s still just looking for you, he made sure you would get here for the last one. “My brothers obviously helped me produce it. It explains what words couldn’t, and I wish I was better at expressin’ myself than I actually am. I’m pretty shit at it.” He chuckles into the mic, his voice sending a chill down your spine when his eyes meet yours. “This is Leave Before You Love Me, everyone.”
Your heart is beating so fast that you barely paid attention to the first verse, but the chorus hits you like a truck and reminds you of your first meetings with Atsumu.
'Cause my wheels are rolling
Ain't taking my foot off the gas
And it only took the one night
To see the end of the line
Staring deep in your eyes, eyes
You remember when he sent it down the hill near his apartment. How you held onto him and regardless of how nervous you were you felt safe as long as he was there.
Dancing on the edge, 'bout to take it too far
It's messing with my head, how I mess with your heart
If you wake up in your bed, alone in the dark
I'm sorry, gotta leave before you love me
The rest of the song plays out and you wrap your arms around yourself for some sense of comfort. Your friends notice it and huddle around you to try to ease the listen.
When the final chorus plays theres cheers all around you, and you can’t seem to move from your spot even as Atsumu smiles at you and gestures for you. Mila grabs your hand and you turn to her. “If you want we can leave right now and never come back.”
You shake your head. “No... I want- I want to know what he has to say.”
She nods and leads you to the back. The rest of the band greets you while you can barely mutter a hello. They all leave you with him, Mila squeezes your hand before she also heads out.
Atsumu had a whole bunch he wanted to say, but he wasn’t so sure any of it did justice to you. He slowly walks up to you and places his hands gently on your face to have you look at him. “I’m sorry, Sweetie. I’m so sorry.”
“You were so mean.” You whisper.
He nods. “I know. I didn’t mean it. Any of it. I know that doesn’t make it better, but that’s the truth.” He sighs as he runs a hand through your hair. “I just thought I shouldn’t lie to you anymore. I want you. More than I ever that I could and that was so fucking scary. But you didn’t deserve that at all. I wish I could take it all back. I wish I wasn’t so terrible all the time-”
You shake your head. “You’re not terrible Atsumu, just delusional, to think that you don’t care about me.”
“I love you.” Your throat closes up and you’re not sure what to say after that. “I think I’ve loved you from the moment I’ve met you. You’re everything, Sweetie. Everything I don’t deserve and everything I shouldn’t have.” He places his forehead against yours. “But it wasn’t fair of me to not give you a choice, because you should have one and I took that from you.”
“I’m always going to choose you, Atsumu.” Fresh tears make their way to your eyes as you take in a shaky breath. “But everything isn’t going to magically be better just because you’ve realized this. What if we get into a disagreement and you blow up on me. I can’t survive it again.”
He nods understanding your concern. “I’ve been going to therapy.” Your head shoots up almost knocking his nose. “I know, long overdue. It’s easy to tell myself you should be with someone better, but I want to try to be that for you. To be someone deserving of your kindness,” he kisses your cheek. “Deserving of your love. Although I don’t think I ever will, I want to get as close as I can.”
You laugh at his statement. “You were always enough for me, Atsumu, but I’m glad you’re getting help.” You take a deep breath before going on. “It’s not always going to be easy.”
“I know.”
“I might get frustrated with you.”
“I know.”
“You might get frustrated with me.”
“I know.”
“But I think as long as we’re honest and truly love each other...” You trail off. “I think we could make it.”
“I’ll always pick you. There is no other choice for me.”
You smile brushing your lips against his, feeling relaxed in his hold. “We go slow this time.”
“Whatever you want. We’ll do. I just want to be able to hold you.”
“It was a great song.” You add.
He nods kissing your forehead. “It was about a great person. That and Locked Out of Heaven.”
You laugh under your breath. “I knew it.”
Atsumu rolls his eyes playfully looking down at you. “Assume from this day forward that every song, every word, every thought, and every breath I breathe is about you.”
You can’t top that so you quietly retreat into his arms, safe and loved. “I want lots of kids.”
“We’ll have all the kids you want. I’ll have fun trying.”
The two of you laugh together before taking a moment to join your friends again who by the looks of it are happy for you. “Don’t mess up this time Atsumu.” Kiyoomi warns.
You walk up to the bassist and give him a hug, you do this with all of them. “I missed you guys.”
You all walk out together and you get into Atsumu’s car so he could take you back to his apartment. It’s quiet on the ride back but he holds your hand the entire time.
When you get there he immediately takes you to the roof. “Bo and I made this new song not too long ago. It’s called Die for You.”
He plays the song on his speaker and takes a hold of your hand dancing with you like he did that very first night. “You always have beautiful penmanship.”
He smiles shyly. “Trying to get that into actual words.”
“I believe in you.” You rest your head on his shoulder and sway with him.
You’re not sure how long you stay there dancing for, but you really wouldn’t have minded staying till the morning, and Atsumu wouldn’t have either.
Atsumu is not hard to love. Not in the slightest, and he’s starting to believe that for the first time in a long time.
I think its funny that I would review my own work, but I was re reading some of my works (because Im hoping it will give me inspiration) and why did the last time almost make me cry ;-;
anyways I hope to have something out sometime i’m sorry ;-;
I’m sorry to have just disappeared again. I’ve been in a funk and I just started my spring semester at college! I hope to finish some of the stories I have (there are so many) but I haven’t had much the desire too and I don’t wanna release something half-assed. But I hope you’re all doing well and Happy new year!!
Synopsis: you’ve spent all your life sheltered and it was hard to find something that gave you any freedom, until you found him
Genre: ANGST, but fluff too lol, SLIGHT smut (It’s not very descriptive I’m not good at it lol)
Warnings: N/A
Word count: 10.8k
Pairings: student!Sakusa x student!reader, timeskip!Sakusa x f!reader, Kuroo x f!reader (kinda not really)
Main Masterlist
There were some secrets you kept close to your heart. You had to, because if they knew, he’d disappear.
You were born into an influential and wealthy family. It was all you really knew. You went to school at a relatively normal place but that was only after begging and promising that you would continue to go to church every Sunday.
That was probably one of your best and worst decisions. It’s where you met him, Sakusa Kiyoomi, star volleyball player and overall introvert.
I will be thinking about this fic until further notice. Kuroo’s friendship but also his loss of his true love pulls at the heartstrings constantly. How he is always constantly there but also grieving the loss of the love of his life, while also taking on the care of his child. THEN on top of that, the unconditional love for both his wife and child. Sakusa’s and y/n’s love for each other HURT ME. The constant back and forth of forbidden love HURTS. BUT ITS SO GOOD. The way it’s described in this fic is honestly one of my favorite depictions of forbidden love I’ve ever read. When Sakusa leaves, when y/n marries, when y/n has a child and Sakusa isn’t there, when we learn what really happens and when they meet again by chance. The way this unfolds brings me to tears by the end of this fic. This is absolutely beautiful and well written.
BFF HEAR ME OUT SINCE IT'S TAYLOR SWIFT SEASON,, how about atsumu x reader childhood friends to lovers loosely based on You Belong With Me 😳 atsumu being totally oblivious, unintentionally taking advantage of the reader's feelings, constantly hurting her without meaning to OOOH THE ANGST 😭🤌🏻 atsumu generally doesn't strike me as the type of charac who'd fit this trope but I recently heard the song again and immediately went oh my god. dumbass inarizaki atsumu with his hoard of fangirls would totally be oblivious enough to not realise that he has romantic feelings for his best friend who he always thought was his ✨platonic✨ soulmate and lowkey took for granted bec he was so used to her company,, until maybe??? it was too late 😳
i love your characterisation of atsu and your angst fics are so 💔💔💔 rlly rlly hope you consider this!! but more than that pls eat and sleep well 😠💖 u got this, take your time and don't let your profs get u down <3
thank youuu for your request! I forgot to post this but this is the original ask for you belong with me with atsumu <3
Have you ever considered writing for Fukunaga? Funky little comedian man is an underrated fave of mine (and his bday is sept 29)
I love your stories, and I’m binging the entire Sakusa section instead of getting ready for work in 20 minutes lmaooo
Hope you have a wonderful day 🌸
hey! I'm glad you like my works but also hope you're not late for work lmao. I'll write for anyone! I just tend to write more for the characters I'm used to if they're not requests, but of course, I could write for him!
Synopsis: you’ve spent all your life sheltered and it was hard to find something that gave you any freedom, until you found him
Genre: ANGST, but fluff too lol, SLIGHT smut (It’s not very descriptive I’m not good at it lol)
Warnings: N/A
Word count: 10.8k
Pairings: student!Sakusa x student!reader, timeskip!Sakusa x f!reader, Kuroo x f!reader (kinda not really)
Main Masterlist
There were some secrets you kept close to your heart. You had to, because if they knew, he’d disappear.
You were born into an influential and wealthy family. It was all you really knew. You went to school at a relatively normal place but that was only after begging and promising that you would continue to go to church every Sunday.
That was probably one of your best and worst decisions. It’s where you met him, Sakusa Kiyoomi, star volleyball player and overall introvert.
How you became acquainted to him, you have to give all the credit to your poetry class. Your parents controlled a lot of your life and part of that control was making sure you were kept in the dark of being independent. They needed you more than you knew and while you tried to learn about how to live on your own, it was hard.
Why would the number two high school spiker in the prefecture be in your poetry class? Kiyoomi didn’t have many things to be passionate about, and while poetry was not a passion he had, he enjoyed it more than taking another standard English class.
Your friendship was very slow. By the third week of school you finally talked to him as the teacher paired you to find meaning in the poetry handout. It was simple, as you expected it to be Robert Frost. You rolled your eyes at the text. You knew this class was something people normally took for the hell of it, but you still expected a bit more.
Much to your surprise, your partner snorted behind his mask at the text, shaking his head. “Not a fan of Robert Frost?” You posed.
He stopped to look at you before looking back at the paper. He shook his head again. “I’m a fan, just… have better preferences.”
You nod. “What other poets?”
He sighed before propping his elbows on his thighs. “Maya Angelou for a start. Dickinson. Thoreau. Frost is good, but… I’ve read this poem so many times.”
“Angelou is a good one. I get what you mean. I think there are other Frost poems that we could have looked at.” You smile and extend your hand. “I’m y/n.”
He doesn’t take it, just offers you a nod in response. “Kiyoomi.” You don’t judge, nor do you ask why he doesn’t shake your hand, you just smile.
“Well, I’m glad I have a friend in this class who isn’t completely oblivious.” He nods before peeling his eyes away from you and back onto his paper.
Kiyoomi didn’t have people he would call friends. He had Komori, but he was family. There were his teammates on the VBC but he wouldn’t say they were close. Yet, here you were claiming friendship.
He didn’t know you very well. You weren’t involved in sports throughout high school or any clubs he knew of. Once the school bell rang you always left in a sleek black car. He started paying attention to you.
Your poetry class always offered you solace, and Kiyoomi’s company was always welcomed. He was honest to a fault, it was hard for him to lie. You liked that about him a lot. In return, you were an enigma. You told him everything he wanted to know about you, yet he still felt like he didn’t know you as well as he wished he did.
When you got to school one morning you saw Kiyoomi standing by the gates alone. Once your driver left you walked up to him. “Good morning stranger.”
With hands in his pockets he turned to you. His mask was on, and although you couldn’t see it, he grinned. “Hi y/n.” You smiled and the two of you walked inside together. He always let you talk, listening to anything and everything you had to say to him. It was such a contrast to your home life and you adored his attention. You loved that he let you go on and on without saying a word. But he listened.
You knew he listened to you when he came to school one day with a bar of that candy your parents never let you have. You knew he listened when he bought you a single lily for your birthday after telling him that was your middle name. He also gave you a hug that day and took his mask off to smile at you.
Kiyoomi listened to you always, and after some time, he let you listen to him every now and then. He wasn’t talkative even in private, but he did let you in, and he told you some admittance that he wasn’t really sure what he wanted to do.
“Are you going to pursue volleyball Kiyoomi?” You had asked him one morning on your walk to class.
He shrugged. “Probably. I’m not very good at much else.”
You shook your head, “Don’t say that, you’re very perceptive and intuitive. You have a knack for everything you put your mind to.” A little grin appears on his face, but you don’t comment on it and just smile silently to yourself.
It was hard for the two of you to hang out outside of school. Kiyoomi had volleyball and you were watched over all the time. But one thing you had that was your own for the most part was your phone. You exchanged numbers with the spiker quickly.
Over text was a bit harder to get the hang of Kiyoomi’s naturally quiet front, but after a little bit you started getting a selfie here and there. It was just him looking down at the camera with a small smile on his face.
Kiyoomi: Practice is over, gonna shower and go to sleep
The spiker was always very direct in what he had to say, but you appreciated he always let you know what he was doing.
You: How was it? Are you nervous for the first game?
Kiyoomi: No, I think it’ll be fine.
You smiled, happy he was feeling confident.
Kiyoomi: … Are you okay?
His question caught you off guard. You had told Kiyoomi bits and pieces of your strict family and that they had a lot of political power in East Asia. You would tell him how difficult it was and how even when you’re alone you feel watched.
His question, out of concern, made your heart melt.
You: Everything is okay. Nothing out of the usual.
From the other side of the phone Kiyoomi grimaced. He didn’t love the answer, but he didn’t know what he could do to help.
Kiyoomi: Do you want to come to the game this week?
A smile broke out on your face, but the reality was you couldn’t go. You weren’t sure how you were going to evade your parents’ questions, but Kiyoomi was always ahead of you.
Kiyoomi: You could bring Bee.
Your younger brother was fascinated with volleyball, and you knew your parents would let you take him.
You: I wouldn’t miss it.
Kiyoomi’s mood lifted tenfold and Komori questioned the look in his eye, but he just tried to brush it off.
“You don’t have to lie Kiyoomi, I know who y/n is.” Kiyoomi didn’t say anything to his cousin, he just hummed and continued on. A new and warm feeling as his heart beat a little faster in his chest.
It didn’t take much convincing to get your brother on board. He was only two years younger and he went to an all boys school that didn’t have volleyball in it.
Pretty soon it was time for the game.
“Why do you want to go to the game y/n?” Your brother asked eating a chocolate bar. Although he was your younger brother, he grew almost a foot taller than you already.
“I have a friend playing on the team.” You two rarely ever hid anything from each other, both being denied some normalcy and control over your lives. You had each others’ backs.
But you wanted Kiyoomi to be your own, just for a little while longer.
Bee didn’t push, he trusted you and he was glad you were with him, that you had some relief from your strained lives.
You wore your school colors, some glitter here and there, but when Kiyoomi spotted you, he honed in on the lily pin on your shirt. It was the same lily he gave you. You had it made frozen into a pin. He pinched his side to keep himself from getting overly excited to see you.
However, you had no reservations. It was only you and Bee and Kiyoomi. You waved over at him and had the biggest smile on your face. You mouthed good luck to him and he smiled back at you so you knew he saw you.
“Wow. He’s huge y/n.” Your brother’s eyes widened looking at the senior spiker. He was a bit envious he got to pursue this career, but he still watched him play in awe.
It wasn’t even a close game. You felt bad for the other team, but you also wished the game could have gone on a little longer. Watching Kiyoomi play was a different beast in itself. His normal quiet and reserved aura was gone as he spiked hitting the ball with an incredible amount of force you never knew he had. He was rough and he played hard.
Throughout the game he stole small glances in your direction. Small smiles here and there and you would return them.
Your brother would laugh and elbow you. “I think he likes you.” He would be lying to say he doesn’t want to meet your spiker friend. And you do meet him after everyone has shuffled away. He has a towel hanging around his neck still a little sweaty.
He surprises you by bringing an arm around your shoulder and you put yours around his waist, squeezing his hip to silently tell him he did a great job before letting go.
Bee sticks out his hand and with much internal debate, Kiyoomi shook it. You looked at him in awe. “It’s nice to meet you Sakusa, you were- wow you were all really awesome.” You giggled at how cute your brother was.
“Thanks for coming.” Kiyoomi grinned. “Do you play?”
Bee shakes his head. “No, I wish, but I had a great time watching you guys. Your last dig was insane.”
Komori appeared at Kiyoomi’s side, poking him lightly. “Don’t compliment him too much, he’ll get a big head.”
Your brother’s eyes widened seeing the libero. “You were great too, you saved them so many times.” Kiyoomi rolled his eyes as his cousin relished in the praise.
“You should come by some time after school, we practice almost everyday.” Komori offered and Kiyoomi nodded.
“Are you sure.” You asked Komori, you didn’t want to intrude.
“Positive.” Komori winked.
Komori took your brother to look around the gym and he went excitedly. His cousin winked at the two of you before leaving you in the empty gym. “You were awesome out there today.”
He nods, slowly reaching for your hand, and you let him take his time to get to you. “Thank you for coming… it- it meant a lot.”
You look down at your intertwined hands with a smile before beaming up at him. “I’m so happy I was able to make it.”
You knew your height difference with the spiker was great, but standing so close and looking up at him really put it into perspective for you. He was nervous. More nervous than he’s ever been before, but he works slowly. Kiyoomi leans down till he’s very close to you, watching you to see if there’s any sign that you don’t want to.
“Can I?” He asks softly.
“Please.” You didn’t realize you were holding your breath till you spoke, and its taken from you again when Kiyoomi finally touches his lips to yours, hands still intertwined.
It was slow, and soft, a great contrast to your erratic heart which beat so wildly. Kiyoomi was careful, he kissed you with great care and although this was all new to him, he was becoming impatient with himself. He wanted to move faster, to hold you close. Thoughts like these would at one point repulse him, but it was you. You were anything but.
Begrudgingly, he let you go, leaving a soft kiss on your nose before rising back up to his height. You were blushing hard, he saw your flustered look and chuckled.
He held your other hand and waited for you to look at him. “I want… this. With you. Do-“ he sighed, unsure what to ask from you really.
But you knew. “Yes.” You whispered back. “I want this, with you.”
He smiled. “Okay.”
“Okay.” You giggled.
Your brother and Komori came back right in time and you had to take Bee home. Your driver would be there at any moment.
“Goodnight y/n and Bee.” Kiyoomi waved and tapped your lower back. You waved at the both of them before leaving.
“Thank you for taking me, y/n.” Your brother said getting into the car.
“Thank you, Bee.” You smiled and pursed your lips. You never wanted to forget the feel of Kiyoomi’s lips on yours.
Before you got into bed your phone rang.
“Hello?” You said.
“Hi.” Your heart picked up the pace at the sound of his voice.
“Good evening Kiyoomi.” You giggled. “I’m heading to bed, you should too, it’s late.”
He nodded from the other side. “I just wanted to wish you goodnight, and sweet dreams.”
“Sweet dreams Kiyoomi.” You hung up and slept peacefully, your smile never leaving your face.
You’ve only really known Kiyoomi for almost three months and yet, it feels like a lifetime. He always waited for you at the gate. He held your hand when he could and you loved it. Bee came to practice after school, telling your parents he was just going to spend time with you at the school library.
Christmas break was starting soon and Kiyoomi hated the idea of being away from you even for a few weeks.
In a flash it was your last day before break and you had prepared a gift for Kiyoomi as he had for you. He snuck up behind you an arm on your waist before kissing your cheek. You laughed closing your locker and turning to your boyfriend before kissing his cheek lightly.
“How was your day?” He asked.
“Much better now, I have a gift for you.” You held out the neatly wrapped present. “Open it.” He let go of you and started unwrapping your gift and he found a small necklace along with a small photo book and CDs of songs that remind you of him.
“This is wonderful.” He gives you a hug and places his gifts in his bag and asking you to place the necklace on him. It was small, but it held a picture of the two you on the inside. “Here’s yours, it’s not much, but I hope you like it.”
You smile and grab your present. It’s a notebook and on the inside it reads: “To: y/n l/n. Love came down at Christmas, / Love all lovely, Love Divine; … / Love shall be our token, / Love be yours and love be mine, -Christina Rossetti”
You looked up at Kiyoomi to see that shy look on his face. “I love you y/n.” He said softly. Immediately, you crush him to you and he doesn’t mind, he wraps his arms around you holding you tight.
“I love you Kiyoomi. I do.” He’s happier than he’s ever been before and places a small kiss on your lips.
“I’ll see you soon my pretty lily.”
The two of you talked all throughout your winter break, unable to visit each other, but you talked all the time. Pretty soon you were back at school and seeing the rustic gates never made you happier.
Spring came very soon and you worried about Kiyoomi’s spring tournament. You hoped he could win for his last year.
However, when you got home one day, you faced more pressing matters. Bee had a gloomy look on his face. “What’s going on?” You questioned walking into the room seeing your parents seated together on the sofa.
“Sit y/n.” They motioned and you did so. “In order to maintain status in the Tokyo region you’re going to have an engagement to Kuroo Tetsuro.” Your eyes widen.
“No.” You shook your head. “I’m 18 I don’t have to- I- no.” Your lips trembled as you swallowed harshly. Bee placed his hand on your back to try to console you.
“There’s nothing you can do y/n. Where else will you go?” They stated pointedly. “You’ll be married to him and have a son, the sooner the better.” You were in terrible shock, and pure fear.
“I have to go I can’t-“ You rushed out of the door without your phone. Bee called for you pleadingly. “I’m going to a friend’s house.” Your parents worriedly went out to try to stop you but you were gone.
Bee covered for you, he always would. He knew you went to Kiyoomi’s but called his girlfriend and pretended you were with her. Your parents let you stay for the night, but they expected you back the next day. Bee texted Kiyoomi and he saw the text right before you knocked on his door. Worried, he rushed to open it and you were quick to squeeze him to you. Relief consuming you as he held you while you cried.
“Please tell me what’s wrong y/n.” He pleaded picking you up and bringing him to his room. He laid down next to you on his bed and just held you.
“My parents-“ you didn’t want to tell him. To burden him to running away with you and leaving everything behind. “They’re saying I can’t go to college.” It was a half lie.
He rubbed your back soothingly, kissing the top of your head letting you know you were okay. After your cries had dwindled you looked up at him. HIs beautiful curly hair laid out beside you and his two moles which you always found adorable made him look perfect.
You kissed his moles then his nose and his eyes. His heart was beating so fast and it was hard to keep to himself when all he wanted to do was to touch you. You leaned in and kissed him harshly, and by then all ration flew out the window.
He maneuvered on top of you, his hair falling down towards you and you tangled your hands in it pushing up into him. He groaned at your sudden movements and pulled away painstakingly. “Y/n, I don’t- If you don’t want to, we don’t have to, you were upset and-“
You sat up and kissed him again. “I want to. I promise.” You brought his hand to your heart. “I love you.”
He took it slow with you. Slowly removed your clothes and his, he slowly loved every single part of you. He felt his heart would burst from just looking at you. “I don’t have- um.”
“It’s okay, we can just be careful.” While rationally, he knew that would not be the best bet, he was willing to take the chance because he wanted you. He wanted all of you as selfish as that may be. “Just… slow. I’ve never-“
“Me either.” He chuckled kissing your cheek. “Just look at me.” You nodded biting your lip as he made his way in slowly. Your breath got caught in your throat from the discomfort. “You tell me okay my love? Are you okay?”
You nod. “Slow.” You breathed out. And eventually, there you were, connected completely holding still. His head was buried in the crook of your neck as you both held onto each other for comfort. “You can move, Kiyoomi.”
He brought his head up and did as you asked. Although he had the urge to be fast with you, he didn’t want to. He was slow and watched you from above, how you moved, how you responded, and the way you smiled lovingly at him. “You’re beautiful y/n. I love you, so much.”
You replied with the same notion and kissed him till you were both spent.
You always thought that sex was an animalistic type of interaction, and maybe sometimes it was. Not that that was a bad thing, but this… this was happiness. It was two people who loved each other more than life itself, and more than anyone could really comprehend. It was love in the purest form.
Kiyoomi cleaned everything up and he promised to buy you medicine tomorrow before settling in bed, holding you close. His parents were out, they usually went on long stretches of trips leaving Kiyoomi alone, but for the first time ever, he wasn’t alone, and you were comforted for the first time by someone’s gaze on you.
The next day you woke up early and Kiyoomi had you take the plan b and made you a lovely breakfast. Bee was there to pick you up and you tearfully said goodbye to Kiyoomi who had just as hard of a time letting you go.
He thought about a lot of things after you left. He wanted to take care of you and to be there in every way he could be, and he came to less than lovely conclusions.
It was your graduation. You’d planned on asking him to run away with you, and hopefully although it was crazy, he’d say yes.
When you went up to him he looked distant and you knew something was wrong. “Kiyoomi? Are you okay?”
“I have to leave y/n.” Your heart dropped. “I can’t give you a good life like this, I need to make something of myself before I can.”
You shook your head. “I don’t want anything lavish, I just- I just want a life- with you.” His heart broke to see how distraught you looked and he had to look away to prevent his eyes from betraying him.
“You should stay with your parents, they’ll take care of you, much better than I could right now.”
“No, you take such good care of me, please don’t leave me- Kiyoomi please my love.” You sobbed reaching for him and he let you grab onto him. He crushed you against him, his shoulders shaking from how hard he was trying not to cry.
He kissed the top of your head. He wanted to take care of you, give you a good life, but he didn’t have any of that. His parents wanted him out as soon as he graduated, and he couldn’t ask you to live couch to couch with him. “I love you.”
“Then why are you doing this.” His chest hurt, terribly. He wanted to scratch at it until it stopped.
“You deserve much better than what I am right now.”
“But you’re all I want Kiyoomi.” You cried, your tears staining his dress shirt. He kissed the top of your head again and said he loved you. He pulled himself away from you and walking away listening to you cry was perhaps the hardest thing he’s ever had to do. But he knew, you needed him just as much as he needed you. He wanted to give you the world, and he would come back when he could do that.
When he let go you crumbled onto the grass, your pillar, your best friend, the love of your life was gone. And you screamed, you screamed until it felt like your lungs were bleeding. You were in pure anguish. You didn’t care who heard, you didn’t care who watched, there was a hole in your chest that left you in pure agony. You couldn’t bear it. You slammed your hands on the ground as it began to rain and you hoped it would wash away all of your hurt.
But it didn’t.
Bee found you and he was horrified to see you shaking in the rain. He carried you to the car and you sniffled the whole way home, feeling more alone than you have since you met Sakusa Kiyoomi.
After you bathed and you got into bed you tried calling him and texting, but it was no use. He was gone.
You met the man you were to marry soon after. The state you were in was not one made to meet your future husband.
The two of you were seated on a bench and you were looking everywhere else but at him. “I know I’m not your first choice, or a choice at all, I too have… my heart elsewhere so I think we can come to understand each other.”
You tilted your head to the side. “We still have to have a son.” You mumbled.
“We can do IVF of sorts, I don’t think they’ll find out about that. I’m sorry you have to endure a pregnancy you might not want, but they will know if you don’t.” You nod and listen to him tell you about his lover. It was a man who passed away and his parents did not know, perhaps he had as much of a backbone as you did, therefore none at all.
Kuroo was kind. He allowed you the freedom to roam as you pleased and he never denied you anything. He even allowed you to see the man you loved, but that only caused your heart to ache and you cried all over him. He comforted you as you tried to explain your first love and how he inevitably became your first heartbreak.
Your fiancé became your most trusted partner and you adored him in a brotherly sisterly way. The wedding came by and you were dazed for most of it. You then went on your honeymoon and soon enough you were pregnant.
The pregnancy was perhaps the happiest part. You were in love with a child you didn’t even know yet. You prayed to any god who would listen that they would be a boy. You didn’t want to go through that again.
You would speak lovingly to your pregnant belly, telling them how much you loved them and how much their father loved them. You promised to protect them and make sure they had a different life to yours. They would not be told what to do and they will be able to take care of themselves no matter what.
“Mommy and Daddy love you so much my angel. I can’t wait to see you.” You would write in your journal everyday, writing about how happy you were with your little bean and how excited you were to be a mother. Although at first, you had suffered with the notion. You were freshly 18 and barely married.
It was scary, but Tetsuro had become a confidant for you, a friend in your time of need. He understood you better than you would think and you understood him. In different circumstances, the both of you think you could really love each other romantically, but you weren’t Kenma, and he wasn’t Kiyoomi. Simple as that.
No matter what, he loved you as best as he could and you loved him, your friend and your partner till the foreseeable future.
When you son was born, he was there, holding your hand and telling you how amazing you are for doing this and how strong you were. You cried looking at your son. Your tears fell and they kept falling. He was beautiful, love in its purest form, something you’ve felt once before. You cried for the joy and for the sadness of not having Kiyoomi there to hold your hand, to tell you he loved you and he was so proud of you.
Your son was named Kota and he truly was your whole world. If you couldn’t do anything else you did your damndest to be a good mother. And you were. You were an amazing mother given the circumstances.
Kuroo took care of the two of you, his parents and yours obviously financially helping as Kuroo went to school and works for the Japan Volleyball Association Sports Promotion Division.
The two of you celebrated Kota’s first birthday with Bee and both your parents. Then his second, his third, and his fourth. Your son’s hair was a dark color that fell in waves and his eyes mimicked your own.
Sending him to school was hard, he was very confused, but he took it head on and he ended up loving it. Kuroo would always pick him up on Wednesdays, but this time you went together. The school had some famous players come by to teach the older students, but your son had managed to sneak in. He was a bit taller than most kids his age, so you can see how he may have been confused.
The two of you stepped into the gym and you spotted your son immediately. “Kota, my love. Come here.” Your son turns and a smile stretches on his face, his father’s smile.
“Mommy!” He runs and wraps his little arms around your legs. You laughed picking him up and he looked to Kuroo. “Hi Daddy.” Kuroo tickles his neck and giggles erupt from him. “Mommy, I learned how to spike.”
“Wow, you’re going to have to show me when we get home my love.” You kissed his cheek.
“This sensei showed me.” He points to the man only a few feet from you. He saw you way before you even noticed he was there. He felt like he couldn’t breathe, you were here, in an elementary school with a kid… your son.
Your breath hitched and you felt like you were 18 again. The pain and the hurt from his absence returning to you and you couldn’t stay there any longer. You turned to leave and Kuroo noticed your whole demeanor change. He was confused, but he looked to the man ahead of you. He looked familiar, when he tilted his head and the moles on his temple shown through, he knew. His son had those exact same birth marks and the same frumpy hair.
Kuroo stepped forward and went up to him extending his hand. “Hello Sakusa-san.” Kiyoomi didn’t shake his hand, he couldn’t. He was looking at your husband, the father of your child. Kuroo doesn’t miss a beat and takes back his hand. “I believe you know my wife?” It stings, Kuroo did that on purpose, to see if Kiyoomi was worth it, if he still cared about you. And he did. His breathing was uneven and he was pale. Kuroo took out a paper and scribbled a number on it before handing it to Kiyoomi. “This is Bee’s number, y/n’s brother. I assume you know him.” Kiyoomi nods slowly. “Tell him I gave his number to you, and he’ll talk to you.” Kuroo sighs putting his hands in his pockets. “I’m going to ask you just be mindful when you talk to her.”
Kiyoomi had tried to find you. He had been looking for you for a year now, but your parents moved and everyone’s numbers were changed. He didn’t know what to do. You didn’t have any socials and it was so hard. He finally made a good life for the two of you and you were gone.
Once Kiyoomi was done with the camp the boys bothered him to ask what was wrong but he couldn’t deal with them, not today of all days and he left without a word. He called the number immediately when he got home and he heard Bee’s voice, older and more serious. “Hello?”
“Kuroo told me to call. It’s Kiyoomi.” Bee sighs into the phone nodding.
“Been a long time Sakusa-san.”
Kiyoomi was nervous and he didn’t know what was going on or why he was talking to your brother. “I’m not sure why he told me to call you.”
“Can you meet up tomorrow, around noon?” Kiyoomi hums in agreement and jots down the location before hanging up.
He meets Bee at a small cafe and he’s already there waiting for him, which is very odd since Kiyoomi was already 15 minutes early. He took a seat across from Bee, he was older and not the kid he met all that time ago.
Bee sighed and took a sip of his coffee. “Do you have time?” Kiyoomi nods and allows Bee to start. “Our parents, well- you know they’re important in the political world of Japan. These people… they’re old fashioned, so, to keep ties so to speak they marry off their children- the girls.” His heart drops to the ground, it was hard to breathe, hard to keep his composure and not lose it. “We tried so hard for her not- to not get married. But our parents are nothing if not relentless.” Bee’s shoulders slump from the memory. “That night she stayed with you, that’s when we found out.”
Kiyoomi shook his head. “No. She said they wouldn’t let her go to college.”
Your brother chuckles humorlessly and shakes his head. “She didn’t want you to know cause she loved you.” Kiyoomi’s chest is tight and he clenches his fist from the anxiety. “We couldn’t think of anything to help her, but she eventually said she would tell you and maybe the two of you could run away together and she would call me to give me her address and all that.” His world falls for the third time and he’s not sure there was anything he could have done to prevent the stray tear from falling. His head hurt and he wanted to crawl into a ball and never leave his room. “But then… well I’m not sure what happened. All she ever told me was you wanted to get ahead and work on your career. She got married. And she loves him.” A punch to the gut is what it was. “Not in the way you’re probably thinking. Kuroo had a lover that passed and I assume it’s the same way she feels about you. They’re happy being friends and co-parents, and my sister… they made her have a kid, a son.” While he’s only slightly relieved from knowing you were taken care of, he’s devastated you had to endure all this alone. “She was pregnant pretty much following the wedding, Kuroo said you saw him.”
“Kota.” He croaked out. He learned your sons name when he proudly came up to him and told Kiyoomi he was going to be an amazing volleyball player. “He’s a good kid.”
Bee nods. “He’s the best. You… did you see him Sakusa?” The spiker nods sadly and solemnly. “Are you sure?” Kiyoomi’s face scrunches up, confused as to what Bee was telling him. “You’re telling me that you really believe that Kota, the kid who’s too tall for his own good with curly black hair and two moles on his temple is Kuroo and my sister’s kid? I thought you were smart Kiyoomi.”
Just as all this new information was settling he was hit again with another whirlwind of news. “He’s- he’s my son?” He choked out and Bee nodded. Now that he thinks about it he can see it. If he had stopped to look at Kota for more than two seconds he would have realized that. But it hit him harder when he realized you were alone, he left you alone to love your son by yourself. He squeezed his eyes shut praying this was a nightmare and to not cry in a cafe of all places.
“My sister and her husband have been raising him, and the only ones who know you’re his biological dad are me, Kuroo and my sister.” Bee finishes the last of his coffee and places the mug down. “Kuroo and I planned what to do if we ever found you, we all were trying to find you for a while, but we stopped. This is my sister’s number.” He slides him a small piece of paper. “From here on out it’s her decision what to do and what she wants from you, I hope you’ll do good on it.” Bee then gets up and pats Kiyoomi on the back before leaving the cafe.
Kiyoomi waited a week to call you.
He was scared that you wouldn’t want him anymore, that you would tell him to screw off and never talk to you again. Unfortunately, the reality would prove to be worse than he imagined.
You answer the phone confused. “Hello?”
“Y/n.” He breathes out. You answered. He just hopes you don’t hang up. But you don’t say anything. You’re afraid if you open your mouth you’ll spill and fall all over again. All your hard work to get over him, or at the very least not think about him every second of the day. “… pretty lily.” He whispers and wonders if you heard it.
It’s proven to be true when he hears you breath out, your hand over your mouth sobbing silently. It’s been years since you heard his voice and it was different. You cried because you didn’t know his new voice, it had remnants of the boy you loved, but this was more mature, he was a man now. You cried because you didn’t know what else changed, and you were scared to know.
“I’m sorry.” He choked out. “I’m so sorry y/n. I’m sorry I’m sorry- fuck, I’m sorry.” Kiyoomi kept chanting apologies to you, as if it would help. As if your heart wasn’t breaking at the seams because you couldn’t remember his voice.
The two of you sobbed on the phone for what felt like hours. You were angry and sad because he took himself away from you.
Kiyoomi breathed in before speaking again. “You can say no, but if you could -maybe- meet with me whenever you can?”
You nod slowly, but he can’t see you and you seem to forget. “Okay.” You mumble. “Where?”
“My apartment?” Kiyoomi’s eyes widen realizing you might not feel comfortable going to his. “Or- you know, somewhere public - a restaurant or-“
“Send me your address.” You respond quickly. “I-“
“Mommy! Is it bath time?” Kota’s voice brings you back to the present. You’re not a teenager anymore, you have bigger responsibilities now.
You smile and squint your eyes so he doesn’t see how red they are. “Yes my love. Go to the bathroom and I’ll be there in a moment.” Kota skips happily towards the bathroom, he was the best behaved little boy you ever met. “I have to go.”
Kiyoomi nods, choked up from hearing his son’s voice and yours. “Okay, I’ll see you soon.” You hum before hanging up. It’s hard to breathe, hard to collect your thoughts and scramble back to being a mother and not just a girl in love.
You got your son in his jammies after his shower and you had shower with your husband, tucking your son into bed after reading him a story.
Kuroo and you are sitting in your room watching a show, but you’re obviously elsewhere and he can tell. He’s your best friend. “Sweetheart,” he mumbles. “Are you alright?”
You shake your head closing your eyes trying desperately not to cry again. Your breathing is uneven again and you calm down before any tears could spill. “He called.” You said lowly.
Tetsuro nods in understanding. “Are you meeting with him?” You nod. “Do you not want to?”
“I do. That’s my problem.” He grabs your hand and waits for you to continue. “I don’t know- I hate him but I don’t. But I do and it’s- it’s so confusing.”
He just rubs his thumb on your hand while you stare at your lap sadly. “Just be open minded okay?” You turn to him with an incredulous look. “I couldn’t tell you how much I wish I could argue with him one more time y/n. I wish he was here and that I was angry with him because then- at least he’d be here.” Your tenseness melts at his words; you get it. You really do, you’d be inconsolable if anything ever happened to Kiyoomi, no matter what. “That being said, you have a right to be upset with him, and you don’t have to fall back to step with him immediately, but just listen to him too.”
You nod, and lay your head on his shoulder. “Thank you for listening to me.”
“Always.” He kisses your head before turning off the lights to get some rest. He doesn’t bring forth his biggest fear: what you’re going to do in terms of Kota. He knows he isn’t his biological son, but he’s raised him as his own, and to lose him breaks his heart in more ways than he thought possible. Kota saved the both of you by giving you something so pure and innocent to love together. He doesn’t want to stress you out more, so he’ll wait until the time to bring it up.
The morning rolls around and you grab your phone to see a text.
XXX-XXX-XXXX: XX Roma Dr. Is dinner at 7 okay? I have work today till six.
You: That’s fine.
Kiyoomi: I’ll see you then.
You didn’t want to talk over the phone, because if you did it would spoil everything you had to say to him in person. Instead, you took Kota to school and picked him up, read with him and watched some shows until Kuroo showed up.
His little eyes twinkled at the sight of his father and ran to him. “Daddy are we going to see uncle Kenma today?” Your eyes widened, you can’t believe you forgot it was Kenya’s birthday.
Kuroo looked down at his son and smiled. “Yes of course, go change.”
You give your husband a hug, guilty that you forgot. “I’m sorry… I can cancel and we can-“
He holds up a hand to stop you, a grin on his face. “I would feel better if you talked with him, for your sake.” You thanked your best friend before saying bye to your son and heading out.
One of the things your parents denied you was learning how to drive, but Kuroo taught you and it was a freedom you never knew you were missing out on. The resentment towards your parents never dwindled, but you saw how much they loved your son and vice versa, so you could stomach it for now.
You were punctual and got to his apartment at 7, but he was already there waiting for you. He was nervous and he should be. You got out of the car and walked up to him. “Hi.” He held a somber look but you didn’t address it.
It was the first time in five years that you were face to face with him again. It was overwhelming. “Hello.” You nod and he ushers you in.
Food is prepared and on the table, but you’re so anxious you don’t know if you can eat. His apartment is simple just like him, but there are a few picture frames around. One is with Komori after they won Inter High, another is with three men you don’t recognize, this being more recent, he looks older like he does now. Then your eyes fall on the photo book. It didn’t have a picture of you on it but you knew there were photos of the two of you in there and he still had it.
That made you turn around and look at his neck where the necklace sat swinging as Kiyoomi took small steps towards you. He went to the couch and waited for you to sit before sitting with you.
“Why did you leave.” You asked without looking at him. “Why couldn’t- why couldn’t we have stayed together? That’s always bothered me. Why you thought that we- that we couldn’t make it?”
Kiyoomi’s heart fell, but if it did he didn’t show it. He just looked at you waiting for you to look at him. “Because after high school my family left me alone to work and fend for myself. I didn’t- I never wanted you to suffer through that it was… so difficult.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Your voice was still even so far. “Did I not deserve to make that choice? You left me, I loved you and you left me.”
Kiyoomi shook his head. “Why didn’t you tell me the night you came over what your parents said to you. You never told me.” He was sad that you felt like you couldn’t tell him your troubles in a similar way to his.
Your shoulders slump. “Because I was scared. I was scared I would lose you and that-“ you swallowed the lump in your throat, “that I was ashamed I couldn’t do anything about it.” Kiyoomi grazes your hand and its a miracle you don’t pull away, he leaves his on top of yours. “But I was going to at graduation all I wanted was to run away with you.” You huff and Kiyoomi’s jaw clenches, trying to hold himself together. “But then… I couldn’t.”
“I love you.” He blurts out causing you to finally look at him, tears glossing over your eyes. “I’ve loved you since the very moment you stepped into my life. I still… love you. The same way I did all those years ago, probably more. More than my own being. If you had asked me- if you ask me to throw away everything and leave with you I would.” Your tears fall and the lump in his throat is hard to ignore.
“I hated you.” You say and he physically aches. “I hated that you left me alone, I hated that I couldn’t call you to tell you I was expecting, I hated that you weren’t marrying me, I hated that you weren’t there to hold my hand when I had Kota, I hated that you didn’t hear his first words, I hated that you weren’t there to celebrate birthdays, I hated that you weren’t with me. I- I wanted you there with me.” You sobbed leaning on the couch. “And despite how long you’ve been gone- against my better judgement I love you.”
Your lip trembles as you get the last few words out and Kiyoomi’s heart breaks not wasting anymore time and pulling you close to him. The both of you cry, and he was silent and tried not to let any sounds slip but you did. You cried into him clutching on his shirt and putting your head in the crook of his neck. It wasn’t different, he was all the same, still the man you loved. “I’m sorry pretty lily. I should have taken you with me had I known-“
You twitched in his hold and pursed your lips. “We could have gotten a really crappy apartment we could have called home.” You mutter.
He chuckles sadly, indulging you. “I could’ve given you a paper ring from a page in your poetry book.”
It was hard to keep thinking on what could have been, but you kept it up, the tears falling from both of your faces. “We could have gotten married with Komori officiating and Bee would be our witness. I could have gotten a small receptionist job, simple, but a start.” You laugh solemnly.
He kisses the top of your head. “My career would have progressed so I could take care of you and our baby.” You cry out when he mentions Kota, your heart breaking all over again from the fact that he doesn’t know his own son. “We would’ve- would’ve been happy.” He stutters.
“So happy.” You agree squeezing him to you. Grieving a life neither of you got to live with each other. He cries harder for the emptiness he feels from not knowing his son and that you did it on your own.
“I love you I’m sorry, I love you.” He kisses the top of your head again and again.
You look up and kiss his cheek. “I love you, I forgive you.” He holds you tighter and for the first time in five years he can breathe easily.
Once you’ve both calmed down you pull apart, not really wanting to, but you wanted to see his face. He was still ridiculously handsome and to him you were still painfully beautiful. “Will I be able to meet him?” He asks hopeful.
You sigh and look down. “I want you to meet him, but… he doesn’t know- he thinks Kuroo is his dad, and he is you know. He’s taken care of him like his own, but- god he’s so much like you.” A smile makes its way to your face thinking about your son. It causes Kiyoomi to smile back as well. “He keeps his room nice and clean, always. He was never fussy, he loves volleyball, but he also likes reading. He’s so smart and very independent, he’s amazing.”
It’s hard on Kiyoomi, knowing he has a son that doesn’t have any idea he’s his dad. It hurts, really.
“And oh my god he looks just like you.” You say. “He’s so handsome, just like you.”
Kiyoomi’s face flushes at your comment. “You’re one to talk y/n.” You get shy, but your face falls.
“I’m still married, Kiyoomi.” You speak out. “Not in a typical marriage, but married nonetheless.” He nods and take ahold of your hand. “I can’t jump back and be with you, there’s still some things I need to work out and get over.”
He nods. “I’ll wait, or I’ll help, whatever it is I’ll do it.”
“Give me some time.” You ask.
“I’d give you the stars if I could.”
When you got back home Kuroo and your son awaited you, giving you a big hug which relieved you for a bit. You had talked to your husband about what the two of you could do, and at first you couldn’t think of anything, but then you came up with a perfect plan.
Kuroo bursted through the doors of your parents’ living room where his parents sat along with Bee and his girlfriend.
“Kuroo, please, my love-“
“Shut. Up.” He grits. Your parents are confused because for the longest time you two put up a united front. “I want a divorce.” Both of your parents are taken aback, but Bee and his girlfriend try their best not to giggle.
Your dad stammers. “What- what- why?”
Kuroo slams down papers on the coffee table. They open them slowly and gasp. “My son is not mine, and I was deceived to think my wife was untouched when we married.”
You stood to the side and played the role of deer-caught-in-the-headlights. Your father looked to you. “Who’s the father?”
You look away. “You don’t know them-“
“Who’s the father?” He booms.
“My high school boyfriend.”
There was a lot of back and forth, a lot of pleading on your father’s part, but eventually, a divorce was granted and Kuroo left with his parents.
He would still visit you and Kota, he loved the kid and he would hate to not see him after all those years he spent as his father.
“I don’t even know what to say to you y/n.” Your father mumbled.
After so many years, you finally grew some backbone and you shrugged. “It’s over now. It was never meant to happen in the first place. You’re my parents, you’re supposed to love me unconditionally not sell me to some family for political ties. I would never do that to my son. Ever.” You pick up your bag and head towards the door. “I’m leaving, if you want to see Kota, you may, but if you mistreat him I will never speak to you again.”
Bee smiles as you walk out and get into the car with Kota waiting for you. “Hi mommy, where are we going?”
“We’re going to see someone very important.” You drive to Kiyoomi’s and once you arrive you hold your bags and Kota’s hand. “Knock on the door my love.”
He does as you ask and Kiyoomi opens it soon after. He’s surprised to see you there, but he’s more than happy to see you. His smile is immediate as he leans down to kiss you and you let him, but step back when your son tugs on your hand confused.
Kiyoomi takes your bags and let’s you inside. He already had a room decorated for Kota and he hoped he liked it.
“Hi sensei.” Kota waves but is skeptical because he just saw him kiss his mother.
You pick your son up and put him in the middle of the couch with you and Kiyoomi on either side. “Can I tell you a story my love?” He nods. “When mommy was younger she met this very handsome boy and she loved him and he loved her. Then the boy had to go away for a while so mommy spent time with her best friend and she had a baby. That’s you. And the boy that mommy loved, that’s Kiyoomi.” You tilt your head in his direction. “I know Papa has taken care of you since you were a baby, but your Daddy, the one who made you look so handsome is Kiyoomi.”
Kiyoomi looks worried like Kota didn’t want him as his father. The kid looks up at him with his pretty eyes, your pretty eyes. “Does this mean I have to Papas?”
He nods. “Yea.” Kota moves over to Kiyoomi and gives him a hug. “I’m sorry I was gone for so long bud. I wish I could have been here with you.” He tries really hard not to cry but it proves to be impossible when he glances at you to see you smiling with tears falling.
“It’s okay,” Kota smiles. “I was never lonely.”
Kiyoomi’s let’s out a relieved sigh. “I’m so happy bud. So happy.” Kiyoomi then grabs you and the three of you are engulfed in a hug.
The transition was hard on everyone. Kota struggled to life without Kuroo as a constant and it broke your heart. He still visited every weekend and you had dinner, but it wasn’t the same. You could tell how much the two of them struggled, so you suggested sleepovers and that seemed to help the new change.
It took Kota time to get used to calling Kiyoomi Dad, but the two of them fell intro step with one another fairly quick.
On the other hand, while you did live with Kiyoomi now, you too were awkward at first. It had been so long without seeing one another, things were tense. You argued sometimes, but it only really stemmed from fear and the sad memories that were hard to let go of.
Sometimes you had dreams where he was gone and he would hold you while you cried and it weighed on him. Just how much you loved him and how difficult it was for you.
After you two settled you never spoke of the specifics of your relationship, but you didn’t have to.
He woke up first, always, kissed your cheek every time, made breakfast, went on a run and came back in time to eat with you and your son. It was a ritual and he never broke it.
Kiyoomi and Kota would wash the dishes while you would start on laundry and then Kiyoomi would get ready to go to work and take Kota to school. He would kiss you every time before he left. He never forgot.
Eventually, Kiyoomi’s friends asked questions, but he wasn’t a talkative person so he gave pretty minimal responses.
“Who’s the kid on your phone Omi-Omi?” Atsumu would ask looking over the spiker’s shoulder.
“My son.” Kiyoomi muttered and the other two whipped their heads around to listen.
Atsumu’s eyes were wide. The child on his phone was in elementary school five or six and Kiyoomi was 24. “But- he’s kinda- kinda old.”
Kiyoomi nods, smiling at his phone. “He’s five.”
“Kiyoomi-san, I didn’t know you had a girlfriend.” Hinata posed to his friend.
“Umm.” Kiyoomi rings his hands together, unsure of what to say. “We’re together, we met in high school, but uh- it’s a bit complicated.”
The rest of them see he’s getting nervous so they drop it. Not without begging to meet you though.
And while Kiyoomi doesn’t want to pressure you, he would really like you to meet his second family even if he refuses to admit it out loud.
He brings it up at dinner peaking at your face. “Okay.” You say cheerfully. “That sounds fun!” You smile and grab Kiyoomi’s hand squeezing it.
His shoulders relaxed and he was excited, especially after seeing Kota so excited too.
The three of you knocked on Atsumu’s apartment where his teammates were gathering along with Osamu. Kiyoomi carried Kota, he said it was because it was raining, but you knew he just liked having an excuse to be close to his son. He also stood behind hunching over you to try to block you from the rain as much as he could. You noticed, you always do.
Atsumu opened the door and a smile reached his face. “Come in!” He ushered you in taking your coat and you thanked him while Kiyoomi took his and Kota’s coats off. “We’re all in the living room right now. There’s snacks- do you like chips little guy?” Kota nods enthusiastically. “Awesome.”
You giggle and three other men come into view. The one with grey and black hair stands up and holds out his arms hugging you tight. “Oh!” You laugh and pat his back.
“I’m Bokuto, it’s so nice to meet you.”
“I’m y/n.” You smile. “It’s great to meet you guys. Kiyoomi talks about you a lot.” The three of them smile while Kiyoomi looks away trying not to make it a big deal.
Then Hinata introduces himself along with Osamu and the three of you sit on the couch together. Hinata and Kota talk, both of them thoroughly invested in their conversation. Kiyoomi places his hand on yours and you turn your hand to squeeze his.
“How did you guys meet?” Atsumu asks fidgeting in his seat.
You let out a small laugh and look at Kiyoomi. “We met in high school and we dated for a while. Some things happened and we got separated.” You turn to look back at the guys and give a small smile to make it seem a little less heavy. “My family is a bit complicated and I was married. My ex-husband works with the volleyball association I’m not sure if you know him?” You ask.
“Is it- is it Kuroo Tetsuro?” Bokuto asks, eyes wide.
“Yea! He’s the best.” You smile and Bokuto gets so excited he asks how he’s doing and you promise to tell him to visit his friend. “He was a very good friend to me.”
They didn’t press anymore, knowing that even though Kiyoomi was always silent, he was deathly still when you were explaining and his expression looked pained. Instead they shared stories with you about Kiyoomi and you ate them up laughing and resting your head on Kiyoomi when you were overcome with laughter.
He kept his eyes on you, a small smile always gracing his face. He was in love with you, he knew it, his friends knew it, and you knew it.
Once it turned dark Kiyoomi got up to grab your coats, Kota was starting to get tired which Kiyoomi noticed and immediately stated you two were leaving. You laugh at how careful he is with Kota’s routine, but you also admire the stability he’s trying to keep in his life.
You bid your goodbyes to his friends and drive home. Kota falls asleep on the way and Kiyoomi carries him to his room to tuck him in bed.
He comes back to join you on the couch where you drink some water. “It was nice meeting your friends.”
He’s glad you had fun, he was nervous that maybe you wouldn’t like them, but he’s come to find that a lot of his fears are unwarranted. “I’m glad you had a good time.”
You lean over and kiss his cheek to try to break some of the walls the two of you unknowingly put between you. That’s all it takes to break his resolve because he cups your face in his hands and kisses you. Desperate to be close to you because god had he missed you.
He underestimated how eager you were as well. You crawled closer to him and situated on his lap, hands on his shoulders as you hovered above him pushing into his kiss.
He breaks it to look at you, to admire you, to love you in the silence.
“What are you thinking of Kiyoomi?” You ask brushing your fingers through his hair.
“You.” He says. “I’m always thinking of you.” A smile breaks out on both of your faces and you rest your head on his. “I want you, I want us.”
You nod. “I want everything with you.” You whisper. “Everything we lost.”
He lets out a shaky breath and closes his eyes. “I love- the way you love me.”
“I love you just the same way you love me, Kiyoomi. Unconditionally, endlessly, and beautifully.” He kisses your nose, a sign that he was overwhelmed with emotion and you just held him to you, the two of you eventually falling asleep on the couch. Hopeful for a future you never knew you’d have.
.
.
.
You held Kota’s hand in your right as you pushed the stroller to get to your seats. You spotted Kuroo waiting for you and waved you down. Kota ran to him and Kuroo lifted him up in the air.
“Uncle!” He shrieked and giggled with joy.
Over time, Kota shifted what he called Kuroo, and it wasn’t something he was told. If he wanted to call Kuroo his father for the rest of his life you and Kiyoomi would not complain. “How’s my favorite boy?” He giggled again and Kuroo placed him down. “Hi sweetheart,” he kisses your cheek and kneels down to the stroller. “Hello Miss Mai.” He cooed at your 10 month old. “She’s so beautiful, but I hate to break it to you she is also a copy of your husband.”
He was right. She had the beautiful waves, but they were brown like your hair, and a cute mole under her eye. You laugh brushing it off. “Hopefully this next one will look like me.” You pat the top of your small belly.
“Come sit, I saved these for you, Akashi and Bee will be sitting with you soon. I gotta go but I’ll see you after the game.”
“Get to work big guy.” Kuroo rubbed Kota’s hair before kissing your cheek and leaving.
Eventually Bee his girlfriend and Akashi joined you right as the players were coming out. It was the olympics and you could not be prouder that your husband was on the team. It was given he would get on, he was too talented not to.
Kiyoomi immediately looked for you in the crowd, and once he found you his face lifted and he smiled. The boys pat his back and wave frantically at you.
You laugh and wave back to greet them. Kiyoomi’s eyes dart to the pin, the same pin you wore to his very first game and his heart swelled. He was deliriously happy. He loved you. He loved that you were his wife, the mother of his two kids soon to be three, he loved loving you.
He was overcome with emotion and the only thing he could do to convey any of it was mouth a small I love you. Not that that did his feelings any justice.
It was more than enough and you were so happy. ‘I love you, always’ you mouthed back to him. And that alone got him through the five rounds of the game.
The two of you finally got that happy ending.
A/N: THANK YOU IF YOU MADE IT THIS FAR. This was a labor of love. I LOVE SAKUSA KIYOOMI SM
Synopsis: you were the right person at the absolute best time
Genre: angst, fluff
Warnings: N/A
Pairings: osamu x f!reader, suna x f!reader, suna x PR manager!reader
pt.1
Main Masterlist
Mistakes were common occurrences in life and it is the only way anyone ever really learns the hard lessons.
Osamu wishes he made a mistake. He wishes he forgot his keys at home for the shop. He wishes he slept in on accident. He wishes he never met Mel.
It was the first time he ever thought that in his head so strongly. It was the first time he ever thought this at all.
There wasn’t much he could do really. You had left to Tokyo to work with EJP Raijin and you were gone. Atsumu didn’t offer his brother too much sympathy, but he also wasn’t going to let himself fall off the deep end yet again.
It was different this time, the way he handled the breakup. He wasn’t abandoning anything, he went to work the same as always, and took care of himself. He just seemed very empty, his smiles were forced and his normal charisma faded into the now quiet and shell of a man he was.
Atsumu didn’t understand at first, but he had come to realize you were a lot better for Osamu than he already knew. He wasn’t crying and screaming on the floor because he knew you deserved better. He knew he was in the wrong and it wasn’t your fault, he was punishing himself instead of being upset with the world and blaming everything else.
You had really done something to him.
And it was really at that moment that Atsumu knew Osamu loved you. Of course he loved you, he wouldn’t be the way he was if he was really just using you to get close to some resemblance of his first love.
Mel’s love burned Osamu. Yours seemed to lift him even if he couldn’t see you anymore.
He noticed this as well. Osamu may have been stupid enough to let you go, but he was smart enough to know you changed him for the better. Regardless of his never ending guilt, there’s a peace he hasn’t felt in a long time, and he knows you brought it to him. You were it. Your love was simple, it was strong and loyal and pure. He never had to guess with you, you were honest and true to your feelings.
Osamu was also smart enough to know you deserved more than what he did. So that’s why he didn’t call you or try to reach out regardless of how much he wanted to. He wanted to hug you and tell you he was wrong and he was completely in love with you.
You did not want to fall in love again.
Osamu was to you what Mel was to him: a fire that scorched you. He made scars that would never leave your body or fade. You refused to fall in love again, to feel that kind of pain again. You wanted to protect your heart.
Life never really goes according to plan because there he was: Suna Rintaro, the prettiest middle blocker you think you’d ever seen. And he was ever so enamored with you. He liked you. A lot. The he-thinks-you-make-breathing-look-pretty-kind-of-like. The you-could-be-yelling-at-him-for-causing-an-uproar-on-social-media-and-you’d-still-be-the-sweetest-person-he-knows-kind-of-like.
It was his first time feeling this way ever. He didn’t want to act on it at first. He was nervous that it would damage the relationship you were building with the team, but Komori reassured him no one would think of you differently. Suna was none the wiser that you and Osamu dated, much less had your heart broken recently by his best friend. He was unaware to the block you had on your heart, which made his task increasingly difficult.
You kept your relationship as professional as you could, but Suna was persistent and you really never understood why. Why he brought you coffee every morning. Why he waited for you everyday at the front just to walk in with you. Why he always offered to drive you home or eat lunch with you.
It was hard not to form a bond with the middle blocker. You saw how closed off he was to the rest of the world, and yet, whenever he sees you he straightens his back and has the widest smile you have ever seen. It’s hard not to smile the same way back. So you stopped resisting too much.
You let him help you carry your bags to your office, you let him have dinner at your house after work, you let him take you to his favorite bar and just joke around together getting to know one another.
“Have you ever been in love, y/n?” His question catches you off guard because in all the time you have been hanging out with Suna, you hadn’t had time to think about Osamu.
You hum and take a swig of your beer. “Yea,” you chuckle. “It didn’t end too well.” Rin turns his head to the side in questioning. “He was in love with his first love still who was also my cousin and for whatever reason neither of us knew.” Rintaro’s eyes widen and he places a hand on yours. “But I’m pretty over it,” you shrug and give him a grin. “There’s this new guy who’s been hogging all my time lately.”
The middle blocker chuckles leaning against the bar. “I think he can assure you he’s very much into you.”
You smile delightedly at him. “Well that’s a relief, I’ve been pretty into him too.” The two of you smile at each other like kids, hearts beating fast and hard.
The two of you took it slow. He stole glances at you from afar any chance he could. Komori nudged him on the side whenever he got too distracted. “Coach is gonna get mad at you Suna.”
While he did turn back and paid attention, he honestly didn’t mind getting scolded by his coach if it meant seeing you laugh at him for being clumsy. You were opposites and when you came together it was magic. It was the easiest relationship you ever had. He was so talkative with you and so quiet with the rest of the world. You had a piece of him that others rarely got to see from him.
It meant the world to you.
Pretty soon dates were frequent and the two of you officially started dating. You would regularly sleep over at his house and one day he surprised you. “Babe, I got you something.” You hummed and sat down next to him to see what was in his hands. “I really will never understand why you like these god awful movies, but I saw the extended edition and they were on sale so if you wanna watch...” He held up all five of the Twilight movies the extended edition just as he said.
“What- oh my gosh... you’re- you’re wonderful Rin I love it thank you.” You kiss him quickly before squeezing him in a hug.
He pulls back and stares at you lovingly, his head resting on your forehead. “I love you, y/n.” He says in a whisper but he’s so close it almost feels like he’s yelling. You suck in a breath and hold it, unable to say anything. “And I don’t want you to say it just because I did. I wanted to say it and I’ll wait forever for you to tell me you love me too.” He kisses your head as he goes to pop in the movie.
You want to cry because he’s so good to you. Too good to be true, but he is. He’s real and a year ago you would have never thought you would be this happy in someone else’s embrace. You lay on top of Suna as you two watch through the movies, the two of you simultaneously playing with each other’s hair.
Suna did not like the Twilight movies one bit, but he watched them because you loved them and he always gave his honest reactions to what was going on. Your heart swelled at how kind your boyfriend is. “I do love you.” You whisper the same as he did. He picks his head up to look at you. “I love everything about you. Most of all I love that this part of you is mine to have.”
He squeezes you to him kissing your head again and again till you giggle and kiss him. That definitely made his list of top ten favorite moments.
The following month Suna took you to the same bar you would go to in the beginning of your relationship to meet up with his friends. You were nervous because you didn’t know if they would like you. “It’s going to be fun, I promise. They’re really good guys.” You always did like the way he talked about his friends from home, he loved them like family.
When you arrived and saw Atsumu standing near the door you smiled. “Atsumu!” You hugged the setter immediately and he was happy to see you.
“You guys know each other?” Suna asked confused.
You nod back. “Yea I was his PR manager before I went to EJP Raijin.” Suna nods and pats his friend on the back.
Then, your world stops because Osamu comes around the corner to greet you, obviously taken aback from seeing you. “Y/n.” He breathes out. He wants to ask you a million questions and hug you and apologize.
There isn’t the time to because Suna squeezes your shoulders and pulls you to him. “That saves me some time from introductions.” Osamu’s world falls because what are the chances that he goes through exactly the same thing over again. It’s different this time though, because you smile sweetly and pretend you’re on good terms. You ask him how he’s been and it’s hard to act normal because his heart is beating so fast and he wants to tell you so many things.
As the night goes on all the guys end up loving you, of course, why wouldn’t they? Kita and you got along great and Aran made you laugh so hard you nearly fell out of your chair. Osamu realized he never had you meet his friends so this was your first time seeing them. He also never talked about you to them so they were none the wiser that you two were a thing.
Rintaro did. He always talked about you. He mentioned you every chance he got and the way he smiled at you, Osamu could tell he was in love with you. And at the same time, you were just as taken with him. You kept a hand on his leg on his shoulder, anywhere as long as you were able to touch him. The two of you had your silent conversations that you seemed to understand each other on.
It was scary how close you two were.
Kita and Aran left and Atsumu went to grab the car with Suna who kissed your cheek before leaving. That left you and Osamu alone.
“It’s good to see you.” You said with a small smile covering yourself with Suna’s jacket.
Osamu swallows the lump in his throat to talk to you. “I’m sorry y/n. For everything. I realize... how wrong everything I did was. I’m so sorry.”
You nod taking in his apology. “I’m over it.” You smile. “I’m not mad really, I’m in a really good place and... I love him a lot.” A blush appears on your face, you haven’t actually admitted that to anyone else besides Suna himself.
“He loves you too.” He says back just in case you didn’t know. “You’re a beautiful person y/n. All the time.”
“I hope you know, Osamu, that you do deserve to be happy. Regardless of everything.” His heart aches knowing he hurt you so bad and yet you’re still comforting him. You’re not entertaining him the same way Mel did, you weren’t going back to him, that much he understood and he was happy. He was happy that you were happy and that you made his friend happy. To be around you was a gift in itself and he’s glad he didn’t ruin you the same way Mel ruined him.
“I’m pretty happy now.” He smiles softly at you. “Thank you for showing me how beautiful love really is.” You held your breath at how blunt he was, and while you could feel the fact that he may still not be over you, you don’t speak of it. You don’t want Osamu the same way anymore, and he knew that.
“It’s cold my love, let’s go.” Suna runs up and hugs Osamu quickly. He looks to you and you hug Osamu and Atsumu as well before following Suna back to the car.
Once the car is out of sight Atsumu pats his brother on the back. “Let’s go.” Osamu smiles and nods getting into the car with relief he hasn’t felt in years.
you belong with me | m.a. (Taylor’s Version Special)
A/N: For you bestie
Synopsis: you were always there for him, and quite frankly, it was time for him to notice
Genre: Angst, fluff, childhoodfriends!AU
Warnings: N/A
Pairings: atsumu x f!reader, atsumu x bsf!reader, slight suna x f!reader
Song Rec: You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift
Main Masterlist
Atsumu didn’t always have a hoard of girls following his every move. If you remember correctly, when you and the twins were five up to the age of fourteen, the only girl that followed them was you.
They were your neighbors and it was inevitable that the three of you would become best friends, and you picked up others along the way: Suna, Aran, Akagi, Kita, the whole team.
You were always closer to Atsumu growing up, but that didn’t mean you cared for the other twin any less. You loved them both equally, but one in a different way. Since you were six years old you’ve crushed hard on the setter, it was hard not to.
Osamu picked up on this in later years, but never brought it up to either of you. He was never one to meddle and he just assumed that everything would work itself out. He did pay a lot of attention though. The way you looked at him and the way he looked at you.
He picked up on his brothers little habits with you, different from any girl he’s ever interacted with before. He’d linger his stare on you just a little while longer, he’d find some way to be able to touch you, whether it be brushing your hair away or making you upset by flicking your forehead.
There were also the way he’d shoo boys away from you. They would ask him to deliver their note to you and he’d throw it in the trash and tell them you said no. The only boys who he let talk to you were the ones in VBC and the ones in your classes he didn’t know about.
For whatever reason, he assumed his brother was aware of the feelings he harbored for you, but Osamu should’ve known how much of an idiot he is, and how shy you were.
You never really got into volleyball the way the twins did. You always felt like more of a side character so you decided to be a manager, because that didn’t really put you in the spotlight.
The team constantly assures you you’re very much not a side character at all, and that you are the center of the team and it keeps them going. You and Kita talk a lot with the coach because you’re the head manager and he’s the captain. Atsumu always complains and says you’re keeping secrets from the rest of the team. Kita in turn, always gives him a look that shuts the situation down.
You then lighten the mood with a joke or two and everything is right back to a normal tone. That’s usually the way things work around there and you wouldn’t have it any other way.
One thing you hated was the amount of fangirls that have followed the Miya twins constantly. Especially at practice. The team was preparing for the beginning of the spring tournament, coming off of a high after finishing 2nd in the inter high competition.
They hoarded into the gym squealing with letters in hand. What you hated even more was the way that Atsumu would humor them.
He flashed a grin and they went crazy over it. “Please drop off your items, but we have to start practicing for our competition sweethearts.” They nod eagerly dropping their cards and chocolate at his feet. He claps his hands and smiles. “Thanks for your support, see you on the court ladies.” Once they head to the rails up top to watch, Atsumu approaches you. “Y/n, babe, would you please-”
Before you can respond upset, Kita interjects. “Atsumu, clean up the messes you bring in and leave our manager out of it.”
This is the end of the discussion and Atsumu does as he’s told. You walk towards the team to hand water bottles. Once Osamu picks it up he chuckles. “He’s an idiot y/n, you know.”
You smile menacingly. “An idiot that I want to strangle half the time.” Osamu laughs again and heads out.
“Just thump him in the head y/n, we all know he could use it.” Suna adds making you laugh.
Atsumu comes back after putting away everything to get his water bottle. He wraps an arm around you and squeezes you tight. “Love you.” You take in a sharp breath. He’s said it so much but you know not in the way you’re thinking. It catches you off guard every single time.
“Y/n, can you toss me a towel?” Aran asks and just like that, you’re pulled out from your imagination.
This continues for the next two weeks and you’re all but fed up. He keeps acting like it’s no big deal and you’re not sure how you like that. It goes on the whole week, each day more so than the last.
“Don’t let it bother you y/n.” Kita advises. “I know it’s hard, but he’s an idiot, you should know that.”
“A little too well.” You chuckle.
Atsumu continues to sign cards and give off a smile that could light up this whole town. You decide to follow Kita’s advice and just drop it. At least for now.
The next day you decide to sit at the park waiting for Atsumu to meet you to start your glass painting which you two decided to do. You spot him almost immediately and he’s walking in the street with his worn out jeans, and a group of girls following close behind. You see he’s trying to ignore them, but you can’t help thinking this is how it ought to be.
You laugh to yourself on the park bench, ignoring him. “Hey isn’t this easy?” You wonder sometimes what would happen if Atsumu had not come into your life as he did.
He finally gets to you and apologizes. “Sorry y/n, they ambushed me.”
“Did you even ask them to leave you alone?” You wonder beginning to set up your supplies.
He shrugs it off. “I figured it was rude to do that.”
“Yea, that’s rude.” You mutter under your breath. You decide to drop it because as Kita said, he’s an idiot.
The next week you confide in Suna who was in your math class to rant to. “It’s just so annoying Rin, I’ve been here all along so why can’t he see?”
“Y/n, you know-”
“Yes he’s an idiot, I know, but after all this time how could he not know?”
Suna suggests maybe to stop talking to him to see if it bothers him enough to catch his attention. “I’ll think of something else don’t worry.” After this, Suna talks to Osamu, Akagi, and Aran to sort this out.
“I don’t know if not talking to him will do it,” Osamu explains. “He’ll just say sorry and she’ll accept his apology without admitting to anything.”
Akagi hums but he perks up with an idea. “Suna! You have a crush on y/n, why don’t you just put the moves on her to make him jealous?” Akagi realizes his mistake quickly when Suna gives him the scariest look he’s ever seen.
“Secret crush Akagi-san.” He apologizes while the rest of the boys stare at him questioningly. Suna just shrugs, “I may like her, but that idiot is in love with her.”
From there, a plan was put into effect, and they thought it would be best if you didn’t know to ensure you didn’t let anything slip.
It started out pretty innocent.
While you were handing out water bottles to the boys, Suna would come up last and chat with you before maybe tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. He would also wink every time he made eye contact with you. Your cheeks would flush and you’d look away.
At first, Atsumu didn’t notice. He did when you came in to practice and Suna helped you with your bags, something Atsumu would normally do, and you laughed at something he said. He didn’t dig into it too much but he definitely knew something was up.
Then, all around school Suna would walk with you, an arm around your shoulder looking as if you were with him. Atsumu was taken aback, because what was happening. He asked his brother during lunch and Osamu wanted to laugh but he needed to do this for everyone’s sake.
“Dunno,” he says with his mouth full. “Maybe he’s in love with her or somethin.’” Atsumu turned his head to where Suna sat next to you, both of you laughing and talking with one another. He didn’t know much but he knew he didn’t like this one bit.
He decided to bud in whenever you two were alone. If he saw you walking, he’d barge right in the middle. You guys were talking? Jumps right into conversation. Suna saw what was going on, but kept it to himself and decided to bump it up a notch.
After practice was over Suna hurried over to you, patting himself dry. “Y/n, can I walk you home?” He asked.
“Sure.” You smiled back sweetly. You knew Suna was being a lot more friendlier with you, and you honestly didn’t mind the idea of the two of you. It wasn’t right to use him to get over Atsumu, but you needed something to stop your overwhelming feelings.
Atsumu overheard this of course. Suna made sure of that, and he knew that he would be there after school. Atsumu walked over to you and ruffled your hair a bit to which you whined. “Hi pretty girl, can I walk ya home?” You didn’t see that coming.
“I’m walking home with Rin...” You trailed off looking at Suna who had a grin on his face.
Suna nods in the direction of the school. “It’s all good. Osamu asked me to help him out after school so I have to go. Have fun.” He smiles solemnly to himself and walks away from you.
You look back towards your friend questioningly. “What’s up with you?”
He doesn’t seemed fazed by the question and just shrugs. “I don’t know what you mean-”
“Atsumu, you’ve been around me all the time, you never seem to leave me alone especially when I’m with Rin, so what is going on.” Your patience is running thin and he could tell.
Atsumu purses his lips and runs a hand through his hair. “You belong with me, y/n.” Your eyes practically bulge out of your face as you ask him what he means. “I’m saying that I want you to be with me because... well, because I love you. I always have, but I’m really dumb and an idiot and I’m sorry it took me so long.”
The smile that stretches across your face is intoxicating to him and he wonders if you’re going to laugh at him. “You’re such an idiot Atsumu, but you’re mine and you belong with me.” You wrap your arms around his neck and place a quick peck on his lips. “Took you long enough.”
He chuckles at your teasing and places his hands at your sides. “Yea I know. Now let’s go home, I want you all to myself.”
Hii!!! I just wanted to say I really love your writing. I loved ' what you want ' fic. It hurt me so much in a good way. I really love all your fics especially the way you love me and dutiful.
The way you deliver the angst is amazing. Also, could you change my user from @/stargirl2898 to @/katsuera in your taglist.
hi! I'm so happy you like them! Thank you so much for being so sweet. Also yea no problem! I was wondering why the @ wasn't working anymore ^^ <3
Synopsis: You were the right person at the absolute worst time
Genre: Angst, fluff
Pairings: Osamu x reader, timeskip!Osamu x reader
Song Recs: Dandelions - Ruth B, Save Your Tears - The Weeknd, Only Love Can Hurt Like This - Paloma Faith
Word Count: 7k
pt.2
Main Masterlist
5 years ago...
“Osamu, please don’t make this harder.” She pleads.
He shakes his head in disbelief, water soaking his work uniform, but he didn’t care. Not when she was about to leave. “I’m not making anything harder Mel, but I’m tryin’ to just- why- why are you leaving?”
Mel had a heart, and she loved Osamu as much as she could, but this was an opportunity she couldn’t pass up. “This is really important to me-”
“Aren’t we important?” He whispers.
She lets her tears finally fall down her face, but it’s not like Osamu could tell, with the rain drenching them. “I’ll be gone for months at a time and I don’t want you waiting for me.”
“I want to wait for you. I’d rather that than not have you at all.” He pleads again.
But she’s already made up her mind, he understands her so well that even he knows arguing with her is futile. “I don’t want that.”
Osamu is upset, he feels like she doesn’t care. “If you loved me enough you would at least try.”
She stares pointedly at him. “Don’t say that, not when it’s an absolute lie. I’ve loved you all this time and I chose you over everything, but I need to do this for myself.”
“Why can’t you have both?”
“I can’t- I don’t want you waiting for me ‘Samu. Maybe one day in the future... if it’s meant to be...”
“It is meant to be. Why do we have to separate?” He asks.
She smiles sadly. “I need to be alone ‘Samu. Without you. I’ve only ever known life with you.”
He shakes his head again. “I don’t want to know life without you.”
Mel cups his face and leaves a long kiss on his forehead. “I love you ‘Samu, and I’m sure someone will love you more than I ever could.”
“That’s not true.” He grabs her hands to make her look at his face, his distraught and scared look. “I don’t want anyone else. I just want you.”
“Please take care of yourself.” She kisses his hands before leaving him behind but taking his heart with her.
“Alright, y/n here’s your list of events that the boys will be at and who you’re inviting.” The PR manager tells you. “You’re in charge of making sure these players highlighted on the paper don’t get into any problems during these meetings. The other assistants will be handling other players.”
“Thank you ma’am.” You sit down at your desk and look through the athletes you were given. Bokuto Kotaro, Miya Atsumu, Hinata Shoyo, and Sakusa Kiyoomi. You look through their social media presence and scour through tweets, instagram posts, reddit posts, youtube videos, the whole lot.
What you have noticed is that Sakusa doesn’t inherently get himself into trouble, he more or less is surrounded by trouble. The ringleader of the bunch being Miya Atsumu. Although, Sakusa does tend to say things that many people online would consider “bullying and insensitive”.
The whole gang of them have charges for public intoxication, dating rumors, vandalism, and celebrity beef. You look at Atsumu’s twitter to find his latest celebrity beef. It is with the owner of a small business called Onigiri Miya.
His tweets read the following:
“Just went to Onigiri Miya and the owner gave me side eyes the whole time! Super uncomfortable.”
“Don’t go to Onigiri Miya, the owner is garbage and not friendly at all.”
“Onigiri Miya has the WORST onigiri I’ve ever had. DO NOT GO!”
You shake your head wondering just why this man would tweet such a thing. There are comments defending the business and others that are just confused. However, you do see that the owner responded to Atsumu’s tweets.
“Yea, how does it feel losing to the Adlers a second time?”
“I only asked you to leave because you were drunk as shit, piss head.”
He was really just roasting Atsumu back in quite a mean way and you wonder what the relation between the two is. It is your job to uncover these things, so you quickly find out that the two are brothers after looking at their pictures and very old instagram posts. “You are fucking with me.”
Once the boys finished practice they met their new PR managers. You walked up to the boys, papers in hand. “Hello! It’s nice to meet you I’m y/n l/n and I’ll be your specific PR manager from now on.” They all greet you and introduce themselves. Atsumu looks at you a little funny but you brush it off. “I’ve seen the recent news on you has been focused on Atsumu.”
The setter scratches the back of his neck bashfully. “Yea about that...”
“I know that’s your brother, but you should think of revealing that somehow, since you are now considered a hater of small businesses.” You respond. Atsumu nods his head. “Sakusa, there’s not much I can say except that your friends seem to get you into trouble.”
He rolls his eyes. “It’s always just me.”
“You’re no saint Sakusa, public intoxication and you were called out for being homophobic along with Inunaki.”
Sakusa crosses his arms and sinks into his sweater. Hinata chuckles looking at the spiker. “It’s alright y/n-san, Sakusa is-”
“Shut it.” He says. Bokuto is confused at what Sakusa was trying to do so he just flicks his wrist to show you.
You try to hold it in, you really do, but the face he made along with the action just made you let out a small chuckle. “Alright boys, if you would just come with me and we can talk about how to sort this out. You’re not safe either Hinata, Mister ‘MSBY Player Caught Dancing with the Enemy.’”
“We at least tried to stay out of sight, heh.” He smiles brightly at you causing Atsumu and Sakusa to roll their eyes. They follow you back to your office and discuss how to overcome these headlines.
“Alright, so today, Atsumu and I will be going to Osamu’s restaurant to take some pictures with him to post on your twitter. Try to think of a caption that isn’t forced, and something you’d actually say.” You remind him.
Atsumu nods. “I already got one.” He smiles deviously.
You pray that these boys make your life just a bit easier.
Atsumu drives all of you to Onigiri Miya. It was just supposed to be you and him, but the boys wanted to tag along, and Sakusa was dragged to come with, so he’s a bit grumpy right now. This shop was the first one that Osamu opened, and he has two more, one in Tokyo, and another in Sendai.
You walked in at a particularly busy time, there were a lot of people enjoying their late night onigiri, but you couldn’t find the owner anywhere. People stopped to stare either because they recognized Atsumu, or they were confusing him with Osamu.
A man rushed in your direction and you lost your footing a bit, but the man who bumped into you wrapped his arm around your waist, not allowing you to fall. “Hey, I’m so sorry about that.”
You look up to meet the same exact face of the player you came with, but a completely different aura and eyes. He looked at you as if he was learning everything he needed to know, and his closeness terrified you but also felt safe. “That’s - um, alright. You must be Osamu, I came with your brother.” You point to Atsumu who just waves. “We just wanted to talk with you, I’m their PR manager.”
“Oh, we’re a bit busy right now, but I can get y’all a table and meet you in a few.” He offers. You take it and the lot of you sit at a booth eating some onigiri.
The boys dig in quickly and you take a bite of yours, not expecting it to be as good as it was. How does something so simple taste so delicious. “Eat up y/n-san. ‘Samu makes the best onigiris.” He says with his mouth full.
Sakusa glares at the setter before getting into it with him and they begin arguing. Hinata laughs and talks with you. Bokuto is enjoying his time eating another onigiri.
“Osamu is a workaholic, ever since a couple years ago he’s been putting everything into his job.” Hinata informs you.
You turn your head to the side in question. “Why? What happened?”
Hinata gives you a worried look and you’re nervous for his answer. “We don’t know specifics, but it was around the same time I joined. Atsumu was taking care of his brother cause he was in really bad shape. I don’t know what happened, but he was a mess.” Hinata takes a swig of his beer taking a pause. “The only thing that really saved him was his work.”
“That’s terrible.” It’s the only thing you can say, you don’t know this man, but you’ve seen a glimpse of what he’s like the way he interacts with people that he’s a much calmer version of his twin.
Once the frenzy dies down, Osamu sits next to Atsumu and stares at him. “What did you do now?”
Atsumu grumbles at his brother ready to give him a piece of his mind. “Actually, it’s what you both did.” You butt in. “Hi, I didn’t really get to introduce myself. My name’s y/n l/n and I’m these four’s PR manager.”
Osamu finally looks at you and his face visibly drops. You wonder what’s wrong with you and if there was something on your face. On the other hand, Osamu is shaken with how much you look like her, it makes him want to leave immediately. Whatever the matter, he brushes it off and sticks his hand out for you to shake.
“Name’s Osamu or ‘Samu whatever you prefer.” Atsumu nudges his brother which he ignores completely, he doesn’t even shove him back and that’s how he knows something is wrong.
You nod with a smile and explain that you’re here to fix this twitter feud between the two of them and Osamu laughs.
“I’m actually making money of him more than losing.” He points at his brother with a sly grin on his face. Atsumu crosses his arms and rolls his eyes. “I actually have if you bring in a flyer of Atsumu and scribble on it you get ten percent off your purchase.”
You put a hand over your mouth to prevent the giggles from escaping you. Atsumu goes to feud with him but retracts. “Actually that’s not bad at all.” You cough to clear your throat and gain everyone’s attention.
“You can still do that regardless, but I just ask that you clear up the online situation by letting people know your brothers. It can be whatever you want, just please make sure that happens.” You put your hands together.
Atsumu waves you off before smiling. “I’ve got the perfect idea y/n!”
Then, he proceeded to take a picture with an Onigiri Miya hat on and took a picture with his brother, a hand on his shoulder and the other pointing at Osamu as well as a bright smile on his face. Meanwhile, Osamu has his arms crossed in his uniform looking away from Atsumu annoyed.
Atsumu captioned his picture on twitter:
“Hey! Guess who owns Onigiri Miya?”
And Osamu captioned his:
“Rich volleyball star is trying to steal my business.”
In an instant the situation was dealt with and everyone online saw that the two were clearly related by their identical looks. You smile at your phone, task completed. “Thank you guys, that went really smoothly, let’s hope the others go by like that. Good work!”
All the boys head out to the car and you head out behind them. “Y/n?” You turn around and Osamu is holding out your bag that you left. “Don’t want ya to forget.”
You smile, a slight blush making it’s way to your cheeks because of how handsome he is. “Thank you Osamu, it was nice meeting you.”
“Come by anytime y/n, next onigiri’s on the house.” He assures.
You’re not sure what this feeling is that causes you to shiver in joy, but you welcome it. “I’ll hold you to it.” And you head out.
When you arrive home that day, you have already fixed half of the things you needed to and you applaud yourself for it. Your phone rings as you make dinner and you pick it up quickly. “Hello?”
“Y/n!” You immediately recognize your cousin’s voice through the phone.
“Hi Lu!” Lucy is your absolute best friend and she has been away from home for a while now. “How is everything?”
“It’s good! Hopefully I’ll be finished with school by the end of the year.”
“I miss you Lu. Come back soon.” The two of you talk for a bit, but it’s very late in Japan so you quickly head to sleep.
The month is busy for you as you struggle immensely with keeping your group out of trouble, but with a lot of work, you’ve managed to put them in a good light. You’re walking to your train station right when you pass by Osamu’s shop. You decide to pop in and see him at the counter counting the register.
Chairs are up and the floors are shiny, freshly mopped. The door chimes as you enter and Osamu begins, “We’re close-” He sees you standing at the door, still in your work attire, heels that are beginning to kill your feet. “Y/n.” He breathes out and that was so terribly attractive you shiver on the spot. “Sit, please.” He drops the money and fixes a table for you.
“Sorry to barge in during closing, I could come back tomorrow?” You offer with a smile.
He immediately shakes his head motioning for you to sit. “I have onigiri with your name on it already.” His words cause you to smile again involuntarily and you can’t help but agree and wait. He brings out two plates, three on each and two beers. “Don’t want you to eat alone.”
“That’s very kind of you, thank you Osamu.” You take a bite and it is just as wonderful as you remember it. “Wow, these are wonderful. I’m sorry it took so long to come back.”
He chuckles. “Don’t worry, you’re managing my brother, I can imagine why.”
“It’s my first big time job, I just want to make sure I’m doing alright.” You sigh before finishing your first onigiri.
“I get it. I was terrified opening up this place.” He leans back, pushing his hair back as well. “It’s also what kept me going though, so I guess it worked out.”
“I’m glad that you’re doing so well, I can see why. These are delicious.” You hold up your second onigiri with a big smile on your face.
Osamu laughs genuinely at your gesture, touched in a way. “Thank you for coming, and keeping me company.”
The two of you talk for what seems like a long time, and you help him close shop even though he insists you not do anything. You get it done together pretty quickly and you head out.
“Can I give you a ride home?” He asks.
“If it’s alright with you, I’d love that.” You two get in his car and you put in the directions on the gps. Your favorite song comes up and you smile. “I love this one, can I turn it up?”
Osamu grins at you. “Well you’ll have to find a new favorite because this one is mine.”
“No way you listen to Bon Iver. Hold on.” You freeze, about to ask a very important question. “Have you seen any of the Twilight movies?”
He clicks his tongue right before pursing his lips. “I unfortunately have seen all of them.”
“You’re- oh my god. I think I like you more now.” You giggle at this new revelation. “You saw all five?”
Osamu hums. “Actually, no I guess I only saw three then, I thought that was the last one, but I do recognize Roslyn. It was in the second movie.”
“Yes it was, I’m impressed. We should watch the last two! I loved the books, but the movies are special in their own way.” You were so caught up you didn’t even realize what you were asking.
He smirks in your direction. “Are you inviting me over?”
Instantly, you flush but don’t let it show. “Ah, only if you want to I guess.”
“I’d actually enjoy it.”
Then there’s that feeling again, but a little stronger.
You end up watching all of the movies all over again, and you stayed up pretty late, almost till five in the morning. It was so late when you finished you offered Osamu to stay the night. “I have some clothes you could have. I was going to gift them to my brother-in-law, but these wouldn’t fit.”
“Thank you,” he says as you hand him the clothes. “You have a sister?”
You shake your head. “No, my cousin Lucy is engaged, they’re getting married some time next year.” He nods as he gets dressed and takes off his shirt. You remove your eyes and turn the other way to give him some privacy. “You can sleep in my bed and I can take the couch.”
“No y/n, this is your home.” He says.
“And you’re my guest.” You spit back with a grin.
“We can share, come.” He grabs your hand taking you to your room. He gets in one side of the bed and you on the other. You’re at opposite ends, but you feel closer than ever. “See, win win.”
“I guess so, you’re a lot more forward than I thought.” He questions you with a look. “I mean if you wanted to get me in bed you could’ve just asked.” Osamu begins squirming and tripping over his words trying to correct your thoughts. You laugh once he’s unable to form words. “I’m teasing you.”
He breathes out before flicking your arm. “Didn’t know you had that in you y/n.” He laughs quietly.
“I think there’s a lot you don’t know.”
“Maybe.” He hums before closing his eyes. You face each other asleep on opposite ends, but even so, his presence brings you great comfort that you fall asleep soon after.
You’re not sure what it was, but you frequented Osamu’s shop a lot after that night and he started stopping by the MSBY gym to drop off food for you.
Under normal circumstances, Atsumu would be delighted that his brother has seemingly moved on, but he knows him like the back of his hand. Something was not right with this.
Your relationship with Osamu moved quickly, not that you minded. He brought you gifts, flowers that you may have liked, but you always had to remind him tulips were your favorite. He fed you well, watched all your favorite shows and read your books with you.
It didn’t take long for the two of you to start dating actually. Everything felt perfect, he was endearing and knew a lot of the things you liked from the get go. You wonder how you could have gotten so lucky.
As you were wrapping up someone knocked on your door. You look up from your desk to see Osamu standing there with a smile and some sweets on hand. “Hey gorgeous, are you ready?”
You were sleeping over his house today to watch Hell’s Kitchen as you do on Fridays. “Your brother is going to be the death of me I swear.” You huff picking everything up.
“What did he do this time?” Osamu snickers while you hand him a picture.
“He met up with a friend for lunch and now the media says he’s cheating on Kiyoomi.” You groan taking the picture back and Osamu has to pull himself back to reality because he was shocked to see the picture.
He decides to just brush it off. “Atsumu is good at making problems for others.” The subject is quickly changed and you hop into Osamu’s car and he closes the door for you. “What do you want to order for dinner?”
“I’m craving soup, can we get some?” Osamu chuckles before nodding and placing a hand on your thigh as he drives. The action makes you smile and you place your hand on his. “Lucy is coming tomorrow, her wedding is in a week, you’re still able to go right?”
“I wouldn’t miss you looking so drop dead gorgeous in your bridesmaid dress.” He brings your hand to his and kisses the back of it.
You laugh talking about how there’s so much to do and making sure Osamu has a suit ready to go. More like he borrowed one of Atsumu’s, but you can’t blame him for working it out.
After you finish eating, Osamu lays on you because he likes it when you play with his hair. “Do you think of getting married ‘Samu?” You ask staring off.
“Yea, I would love to. One day.” He replies.
“What do you think about kids?” You ask, taking a peek at his face.
He wraps his arms around you and squeezes you closer to him. “I think they’re pain, but our kids would be cool. They’ll be especially pretty if they look like you.”
You poke his face and he laughs into your stomach. “You don’t give yourself enough credit. You’re soooooo handsome ‘Samu. So cute with an amazing smile.”
“Thank you y/n, but if they look like you, I think I can say I’m blessed.” Not too much later you fell asleep, and Osamu goes to grab some water before getting a knock at his door. It’s soft so he knows it’s his dumb brother. He opens it and sees him looking bothered. “What’s wrong?”
Atsumu nods his head for him to follow him outside. Osamu follows right after making sure you’re asleep. Osamu crosses his arms and waits for his brother to speak. “I saw Mel the other day.” He doesn’t let him see how much it bothers him, and just waits for him to continue. “And I thought so before, but her and y/n look so much alike... I-” he sighs before rubbing his head. “I just have to ask. Are you with her because she looks like Mel? Because she and her like the same things?”
“Are you insane Atsumu?” He stares at his brother with a disgusted look. “Who do you think I am?”
“I think you’re the same person who tried to abandon everything and lose everything because she left.” He states clearly, and Osamu’s taken aback by how serious he’s being. “I think you haven’t healed at all and that you’re still in love with her. I think ‘Samu, that you’ve done something you don’t realize yet.”
“Don’t talk about her anymore I don’t want to hear anything about her. I don’t know what you think this is, but it’s not that.” He replies.
With that, Atsumu looks unamused at his twin. “Do you love her then?”
“Why wouldn’t I?” He responds. “She takes care of me, laughs with me, she has a her life in order.”
His brother shakes his head at him. “That’s not what I wanted to hear.” He said. “When I asked you if you were in love with Mel you couldn’t even form a sentence. You said, ‘I can’t explain it, but it feels like more than anything I could have imagined.’ That’s what you said.”
“You don’t love everybody the same way.” Osamu grits.
“Maybe not, but I know if you were to ask y/n if she loved you her face would light up and she’d say ‘of course.’ I know it.” Atsumu says. “Listen, I’m not here to dictate what you do, but I know you, and before you get into a big mess, think about it.”
He left after that and Osamu has never been more shocked than he is now. He comes back into the house to see you getting up. “Who came?” You ask rubbing your eyes.
Osamu rubs his hands on his pants, making his way to you. “Just Atsumu, he wanted some left overs.” You nod before turning to get up. “Y/n,” you stop in place and turn to him. “Do you love me? I know we haven’t really said it so much, but I just wanted to ask.”
You blink once, then twice and smile. “More than anything.” He wraps his arms around you kissing your forehead. He’s not sure what he should be feeling, part of him is happy and the other is unsatisfied. Regardless, he focuses on being happy and holding you like this, for as long as he can.
.
.
The day rolls around and you’re getting ready to have lunch with Lucy. She’s getting to meet Osamu and Atsumu in one go and they get to meet her. You were able to get Atsumu and Kiyoomi to come to the wedding as your guests as she had some last minute cancellations.
Osamu was driving and you were bubbling about how excited you were. “Lucy is the best, you guys are going to love her.”
“Lucy is a pretty American name?” Atsumu points out.
“Yea, her mother is from the states, and her dad is my mom’s brother, he’s from Japan.” You explain. “I haven’t seen her in over a year so I’m really excited.” Osamu squeezes your hand to show you some comfort.
He drops you and Atsumu at the front of the restaurant. You spot Lucy and she immediately bolts towards you. You squeal and embrace for her impact. You’re both laughing, only tearing up a little bit. “I missed you so much!” You say.
“Ah, I missed you more y/n.” She sniffles before letting go and looking at Atsumu behind you. She freezes for a moment and he looks just as shocked to see him. “Um, is this your boyfriend?” She smiles.
You shake your head. “No, he’s parking right now. This is his twin Atsumu. Atsumu this is Lucy, my cousin, or you can call her Mel. Lucy is her middle name.”
Atsumu doesn’t want to make a scene so he just extends his hand. “It’s nice to meet you.” He offers a small forced smile.
“Haha, like wise Atsumu.” Lucy smiles brightly in order to alleviate any tense thoughts. “Aspen is right inside, he’s just waiting for us.”
You’re about to say something else, but you hear Osamu’s voice. “I had to park pretty far, but I’ll bring it back when we’re done.”
“‘Samu! This is my cousin Lucy. Lucy, this is Osamu, my boyfriend.” Osamu has thought of a lot of ways meeting Mel again would go. He would never imagine that she’d be his girlfriend’s cousin and engaged on top of it.
He didn’t know what to do. This was the same person who broke his heart with no remorse. The same person who left him without anything to look forward to. How could he just pretend?
Apparently she was good at it. She extended her hand with a big smile. “It’s nice to meet you Osamu, I’m glad my cousin is with someone who cares a lot about her.” It’s not that this didn’t affect Lucy, her heart physically ached seeing him again. He was her first love and she could not just forget that.
He clears his throat and shakes her hand back with a tight smile. “Glad to meet you, y/n cares a lot for you.” Just touching her again has sent his mind into a frenzy, so much that Atsumu has to pinch him to let go before it got too long.
“Let’s go inside!” Lucy walks to the table and introduces her fiancé Aspen to everyone. Osamu examines him well, picking every little thing apart.
Dinner went by relatively well. They conversed and it was good that you talked a lot asking your cousin and Aspen many questions. Osamu got up once the bill was paid and got his coat. “I’m going to grab the car, it’s chilly out.”
Lucy also gets up. “I’ll go with, Aspen forgot his license and he drank a bit.” She follows Osamu out and the two walk silent for a moment. “It’s nice to see you ‘Samu. I had no idea you were seeing my cousin.” He just hums in response. “I’m sorry I never kept in contact. It was just too much to hear from you.”
“I’m sorry that was so painful for you.” He says sarcastically.
“Don’t act like I didn’t love you ‘Samu. Like that was easy for me.” She spat at him.
He chuckles shaking his head, but doesn’t miss the way she shivers as she forgot her sweater. “If you loved me so much why didn’t you try.”
“Because I didn’t want to be stuck here Osamu. I saw what it did to my mother and father and I was not going to stay here.” She announced.
“You could’ve asked me to move with you.” He says with a serious face.
“I wasn’t going to have you change your entire life for me.”
“Why not?” He asks. “I wouldn’t have minded.” He stops in his track and takes off his jacket, placing it on her. “I would have followed you anywhere. Because I loved you that goddamn much.”
She knows he’s serious because of how intensely he stared at her. She was at a loss for words, but she couldn’t help but ask, “Loved?”
He continues walking and she tries to pace him. “You’re getting married, does it matter if I still love you?”
“It does if you’re with my cousin, how is that fair?” She pokes.
“How is it fair that you’re asking all of this while engaged?” He caught her and she doesn’t say anything after that. He gets in the car and punches his steering wheel, overwhelmed with all kinds of emotion, but he buries it and drives back to the restaurant, Lucy close behind.
You and Atsumu hop in while Aspen goes with Lucy. You kiss his cheek, not noticing his sour mood at first. “I’m sure Lucy loved you guys, I hope you liked her too.”
“She was very sweet, a lot like you, y/n.” Atsumu says in order to steer away from the deadpan look Osamu had.
“Hey, ‘Samu where’s your jacket?” You ask.
He looks to his side only to remember he gave it to her. “Ah, your cousin was cold so I leant it to her. I must’ve forgotten to take it back.”
“Awe that was sweet of you.” Instantly, guilt consumes him. He didn’t really do anything, but there’s this feeling he has, and he knows he shouldn’t be feeling it for your cousin out of everyone.
You weren’t dumb, you saw something was bothering him, but if he didn’t want to talk, you didn’t want to push it. He dropped you off at home before heading back to his apartment. He saw someone standing outside his door, and it was her.
“I forgot to give you your jacket back.” She says.
He takes it back from her and opens the door. “Thanks.”
She takes a hold of his arm before he goes in. “Can I come in?”
“Why?” He asks.
“I have this very selfish need to talk to you. Can I?” Reluctantly, he lets her in, and he knows its a bad idea, but he does it anyway.
The two talk till morning come, catching up and discussing everything that went wrong. “I never wanted to leave you ‘Samu, but I was scared that I would be held back in this city.”
“Are you still in love with me?” He asks.
“I can’t remember a time I wasn’t.”
“Why are you getting married then?”
She chuckles. “Why are you dating my cousin?” He says nothing. “I don’t blame you, moving on is hard, and she really is the best. I feel icky about you two being together, but it’s really not my place.”
There’s a knock on the door and the pair look wide-eyed. Lucy immediately goes to hide on the balcony. He opens the door and sees you with some breakfast on hand. “Surprise!” You say. “I know you weren’t feeling too good yesterday so I brought some breakfast.”
“Wow, thank you y/n. You’re up early.” He comments.
You snort at this. “I know, but I wanted to make sure you ate well before going to work.”
“Thank you, I love this.” You kiss his cheek and place everything out for it.
“The rehearsal dinner is tomorrow are you still able to go?” You ask and he nods with a mouthful, so you take out your camera to take a picture because he looks too cute. “You look adorable like this.”
He chuckles and brings you to sit on his lap. “Thank you for this, it means a lot to me.”
“I just want to make sure you’re alright, you were pretty down after dinner.” You say worriedly.
“It was just one of those days, I woke up feeling bad.” You kiss his forehead and rub his hair.
“I love you, but I gotta run to MSBY gym, they’re having some press thing today.”
He nods and kisses your cheek. “Good luck.” You smile and close the door on your way out.
Lucy makes her way out into the dining room and sees what you left. “Well that was very nice of her.”
“She’s a good person.” He mumbles eating his food.
“Yea I know that’s why-”
“Hey! I forgot my keys-” You stop in your tracks seeing your cousin standing next to Osamu, a hand on his shoulder comfortably. “What- I- what’s going on.”
Osamu panics and gets up. “It’s really not what you think.”
“I think, I need my keys, I’m late enough as it is. When- when I come back- we’re talking.” You grab them quickly and leave to go to work. You’re not sure what just happened, but your chest contracts and there’s a pain there that won’t go away.
When you were doing promotional videos, the guys saw you were not yourself and wondered what happened. “Hey y/n! Are you alright?” Hinata asks as Kiyoomi silently hands you some water. He was filled in by Atsumu about your cousin, and he wonders if you found out.
You hum and shake your head. “Just a lot on my mind.” You wonder how Osamu and your cousin could have gotten so close, in such a short amount of time. You swear they met just... yesterday? “Where’s Atsumu?” Kiyoomi points to where he’s seated on his phone and you walk over. “Atsumu.” His head pops up. “Do you... do you know who my cousin is? I mean before you met her yesterday.” Silently, he nods. “How do you know her?”
“She was ‘Samu’s girlfriend for a while. She left for the states and broke up with him.” He explains and now you feel like there’s definitely more to worry about than you initially thought. You wonder how you could have not known. She didn’t introduce you to any boyfriend, and when you talked about him she never said anything.
When you got back home you had a million questions, but nothing would really prepare you for the answers. Osamu was sitting on a stool by his island, while she was on the couch, the TV was on but they weren’t paying attention. They looked to you when you came in.
You placed your things down taking a breath before looking at them. “What’s going on?” Osamu then explained what Atsumu already told you. No specifics but you need them.
“I was the one who found him, I wanted to talk to him because I cut off all contact when I left.” Your cousin interrupts.
“Why did you never tell me about him? Did your parents even know?” She shook her head and you saw Osamu clench his jaw at the fact. “Are you still in love with each other?” They say nothing so you blow out a breath trying to take it all in. “Lucy can you give us the room.” She quickly leaves the apartment taking her things. “Do you still love her? Do you love me?”
“It’s, different y/n. I met her at a good place with good memories. When I saw you, you looked so much like her it threw me off and I wanted to get to know you because what was this coincidence.” You stopped listening after he said you looked like her.
Everything that he’s said, you’re gorgeous, you’re beautiful, I want our kids to look like you threw you in for a trip. “So, you only got to know me because I looked like- and we like the same things... Osamu, do you know what my favorite flower is?”
“Why?”
“Can you just answer.” You ask.
He says the first thing that comes to mind, and he’s sure he’s right. “Sunflowers.”
You laugh humorlessly. “Lucy’s are sunflowers, mine are-”
“Tulips.” He says. “I’m sorry I know, they’re white tulips.” You massage your head in your hands your heart feels like it’s going to pop out of your chest. “Blame me y/n, scream at me, hit me, whatever you want. Please don’t shut me out.”
“If she said she wanted to get back with you would you? Answer this please, I deserve it.” You ask as your voice trembles.
“Before you I would have run without hesitation.”
“And now you’ll just walk there?” You shrug. “I mean you’re already one foot out the door right now Osamu so just take the leap and walk out.”
He shakes his head. “If I could love anyone else, it would be you. You don’t understand what kind of relationship it was.”
“If it was so important don’t you think she would have been happy to tell everyone about it?” Osamu looks at you upset with what you said. “Anyway, what do you want Osamu. Not what you should or wish you could want. What do you want.”
“I want to love you like this.” He grabs your hand and stands in front of you.
“But you can’t,” your voice cracks and you cry into him.
He strokes your hair and holds you close. “You were the absolute best person, at the worst possible time.”
“I don’t think there was ever going to be a right time, because you love her.” You sob. “I can forgive you for not loving me. I can’t forgive you for wishing I was her.” You let him go and grab your things quickly and once you get to the door you turn back. “Please don’t look for me, if you were ever going to.” Then you leave, and you see her waiting there still. You sigh, “He’s all yours.”
You leave his place and go back to Atsumu’s because you don’t want to be alone. He lets you in without asking why and allows you to be comforted by him and Kiyoomi, as best as they can.
Despite everything, you end up going to the wedding with Atsumu and Kiyoomi as your guests, and she goes through with it. If there was one thing your cousin loved more than Osamu, it was her freedom, and she would never give that up for him. This city was a prison to her. You don’t mention anything that has happened to your family. It was best not to, but your mother seemed to know something was wrong.
You didn’t know how Osamu was doing, but you knew Atsumu was with him a lot these days. Then turned to weeks and some months pass. You see glimpses of him when he visits the gym on the rare occasion he does, but you make sure you’re out of sight.
“Hey y/n.” Your boss calls out to you and you stand. “EJP Raijin said they’re offering a lead PR manager position and it’s yours if you want.”
“That’s incredible thank you so much, can I think about it?” She gives you till the end of the day and you bring in your four to talk to. “So, I was offered a lead PR manager job at EJP Raijin.”
The boys are all really happy for you, but sad that you’re leaving them. “Hey, when you get there tell Suna I said he’s a bitch.” You’re not even sure who that is but you agree anyway.
When you go to meet the team you’re running a tad late and begin to run. Someone else runs next to you and his jacket gets caught on yours. This pulls you to go a bit faster. “Ah excuse me.” He slows down and looks back at you and notices the situation.
“I’m sorry about that.” You notice his jacket is of EJP Raijin so you ask if he’s on the team. “Yea, I’m a middle blocker, Suna Rintaro.”
You extend your hand to him. “It’s nice to meet you I’ll be your new PR manager y/n l/n. Also, Atsumu told me to tell you you’re a bitch.”
Suna laughs as he really couldn’t imagine how he got into this. He shakes your hand back. “Hi y/n, it’s good to meet you, and I’ll be getting him back for that one.” He smiles.
