summary: this is largely part of an au i wrote -- nutmeg -- which is posted on another site, but it does go over a bit of how i see ichiru and zero's relationship that's as close to canon as i can get it.
otherwise i tend to write each of them with enough of a bro-complex it's endearing and hopefully not going over that line into creepy.
to keep things short, in nutmeg, the pureblood vampire that gives her heart to be a part of the hunter weapons isn't completely voiceless as she is canon, but fully sentient and able to communicate with those who meet specific conditions that make them capable of hearing her voice.
(she's referred to as 'She' with the capital, yup. names tend to add familiarity and individuality, and since i wanted her to be more of a guardian/mentor to all hunters who can hear her, i keep her nameless.)
zero, whose soul is very old, has been able to talk to her since he's learned how to talk at all.
it's a little different for ichiru, whose soul is very young, regardless of being genetically identical to zero.
i've toyed with a few scenarios when it comes to how shizuka would play into their storyline.
- does ichiru conspire with shizuka at all in this universe?
- do their parents die by shizuka's hand at all?
- what are ichiru's motivations if he does let shizuka into the house?
- how does zero react to ichiru's actions?
i might just post all the shit i've written for this universe, because that's what this blog is for -- incomplete thingamabobs that haven't had the chance to come out of the 'thingamabob' stage and into 'ridiculous title with somewhat planned storyline'.
in this verse, it's the aftermath of shizuka killing their parents, and zero is being driven to cross' house.
Three weeks and two days after their twelfth birthday, Zero wondered if reinforcing those two words – Be careful – would have changed anything. Would Ichiru have heeded them more seriously? Would he have thought twice before sympathizing with a vampire bent on revenge so easily? Would he have still given her access to their home, to their parents?
Zero didn’t know whether Hiou Shizuka was truly mad. He hadn’t felt insanity from her that night. Just cold pragmatism and the cruel triumphant gleam to her eyes as his parents fell, seconds before one another.
People killed each other for such simple reasons; vampires weren’t any different, She had said.
But revenge was for the Lost.
Looking down at his right hand, he could still recall the texture of Shizuka’s insides as it ran through her chest. It had been warm, probably not so dissimilar to the temperature of a human’s chest cavity. He was sure things would have turned out a lot less fortunate for him if She hadn’t been there. Shizuka had had him in front of her, unable to move, her mouth so terrifyingly close to his throat…
His parents, too, must have known what Shizuka had been about to do, they’d looked so horrified. They’d demanded he be let go, there was no need to involve him, but that was exactly what Shizuka had wanted. She had not only aimed for his parents’ lives but their devastation as they were forced to watch him Turned against his will.
“You overstep your bounds. He is one of Mine.”
The presence that had enveloped him after She spoke had brought a sudden shock of sobriety, so sharp it was painful, and Her voice, loud and firm inside him, commanded, Lend me your hands.
There was barely enough time for him to offer a Yes and his body was moving, turning to face Shizuka, the blade of his hand already raised, slicing effortlessly through Shizuka’s chest.
But incapacitating Shizuka hadn’t been first priority for Zero. The moment he’d pulled his arm back out, he looked around for Ichiru. Was he close? Hurt? Where was he?
He needn’t have worried at all, though, Ichiru had been right there, casually watching things unfold.
Curling his fingers loosely, Zero leaned his head against the window of the car he was riding on, remembering, as much as he could, of his brother’s words, his expressions, from that night.
“Shizuka-san did have a Wish, and that was to kill the people who killed her past Wish. It’s the last Wish she gave everything to.”
Ichiru’s eyes had been clear as he’d said it. He wasn’t confused, misled, or manipulated. If things were to get technical Ichiru had been the one bold enough to strike up a deal with a pureblood, negotiating his way into gaining something out of their parents’ deaths.
“You’re so beautiful, Zero.”
Zero’s fingers twitched. He’d nearly flinched after that statement. Ichiru had come closer and wrapped his arms around him. Ichiru’s body had always been worryingly cool, but there had been warmth to him that night as he’d pressed their chests together. Zero had felt the calm, fluttering beat of his heart, thumping away as if there’d been nothing out of the ordinary. As if their parents’ corpses weren’t lying right behind them.
“I hated that about you, just as much as I loved it. You’re different. We’re different.”
Zero hadn’t quite known what Ichiru had meant by any of it, even now. The beauty he’d mentioned was figurative, but Zero couldn’t see what Ichiru had found profound enough to comment on. Zero had been standing alone in the room with their parents, his right forearm a soaked, bloody mess after being plunged into Shizuka’s body, dripping with whatever excess liquid Zero hadn’t managed to flick off on the first try.
“I know you won’t be able to forgive me; that you loved our parents in a way I couldn’t. You were the only thing I could care about, and I couldn’t even love you properly.”
Zero closed his eyes tightly and held his breath before letting it out in a slow shallow sigh.
“I’m sorry for hurting you, and I’m sorry for wanting to hurt you. But it’s hard. You make it so easy, Zero. You’ve always felt guilty, about me, and for me, it was the best way to hurt you.”
Pushing his forehead into the window, he bit the inside of his cheek. Ichiru…
“And you would still let me.”
Ichiru had touched their foreheads together, his hands cradling Zero’s face, a painful mimicry of their days from Before.
“I love seeing you in pain just as much I love seeing you smile. You showed everything to me. Even Her. I’ll always treasure that. You were completely mine until today.”
None of what Ichiru had said had been wrong. Those were truths left unsaid and kept tucked untouched between them. They were hard pieces of themselves they couldn’t outwardly admit to, but too fundamental to ever let go of.
“Hey, did you know what my Wish was? You could tell so much about me, but I bet you never knew what my Wish was.”
Zero’s heart calmed inexplicably, remembering the childlike look to Ichiru’s face. There had been the soft warmth of lips on his, a nostalgic kiss they hadn’t indulged in since they had been toddlers. They had done it for promise and comfort then, and Zero didn’t doubt it meant the same even now.
He’s leaving, She had murmured concernedly in his mind. Will you let him go?
Ichiru hadn’t been planning to stay after what he’d done. Zero didn’t have any concrete leads as to where he might have gone, perhaps to Hiou Shizuka, perhaps to somewhere else, he couldn’t tell, not anymore. Ichiru had torn down the one place he’d thought they could always return to.
Zero parted his mouth to breathe on the window, knowing the glass would fog. Bringing his hand up, he pressed his lips against his palm.
“…Would it matter if I told you not to go?”
Even if it was just the once, Zero had had to try. Just one question, one plea to keep him back – don’t go.
Ichiru had laughed. “You can’t want me to stay, Zero.” He’d nodded to the bodies behind them with a sense of detached curiosity Zero was rapidly trying to reconcile with the brother he knew. “Not after that.”
When Zero had refused to take that as an answer, he’d sighed tiredly, as though Zero were a particularly difficult child he was being forced to appease, and said,
“If you really want me to, I’ll come see you sometime. Remind you life can be terrible even when you’ve done nothing to earn any of it. How’s that for a loving little brother?”
He hadn’t been wholly serious. Not entirely a joke, but not entirely sincere. Zero, though, felt he’d found an opening he could exploit. If Ichiru were willing to part with barbed words and harsh tones, Zero would gladly accept them. It was infinitely better than not having anything at all.
Mirroring Ichiru’s actions, Zero had pressed a kiss of his own to Ichiru’s lips. A promise. A comfort. “I’ll take whatever you’re willing to give me.”
Ichiru hadn’t paused as he stepped past the door.
Ignoring the curious looks he was garnering from his new guardian in the front seat, Zero murmured, “Be Safe,” into the glass, watching absently as it fogged.
