It gets better, right?
almost home
Sade Olutola

Kiana Khansmith
One Nice Bug Per Day
Peter Solarz
DEAR READER
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Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
Monterey Bay Aquarium

oozey mess
d e v o n
will byers stan first human second
wallacepolsom

Discoholic 🪩
NASA
Three Goblin Art

titsay
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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@leanordeetz
It gets better, right?
I starve myself because I don't deserve to die, that release I mean. I deserve to suffer life while trying to feel something in it.
What can you do, their your parents right? They're not that bad, kids raising kids. It's fake and overly dramatic the things you say or think. My childhood wasn't bad, the truth was I think I was a bad kid that's all. Rotten apple rotting up the whole tree. I made it all up, that's it isn't it. It's all in my mind every memory, my person is simply my fault.
I don't leave the house all day to avoid their dissapointed stares.
I didn't cry at every bad grade wishing they'd had a better kid.
I don't stare in the mirror wishing I could mutilate my body because my mother always commented on my food options.
I don't stay silent in torment because my father always told me my problems where unexistent .
I certainly don't starve myself to prove that I'm truly broken mentally not just making it up.
They're the victims. I'm the bad kid, I always have been.
The bullying was my fault cause I stayed silent.
My grades dropped cause I was lazy not on the verge of jumping out a window.
The truth is its always been me. No one else. I can't blame them that the only memories I have are bad, or that I feel invisible yet at the same time like a tsunami ruining my family's lives woth my superficial delusional bullshit. I can't be mad or scream or cry. I forgive them at every turn, because I made it up, right? My parents didn't do this to me, life did, my life, so there's no one else to blame.
But what's to expect it's just kids raising kids.
No blade can seem to cut away the parts of me I wish to loose.
It's hard to accept that it's not just a phase or a swing it's a chemical imbalance in my brain and it won't go away ever. Every time I think of it it makes me more and more tired.
You think I like doing this to myself, I'm stuck I can't so anything I'm borderline useless so yes I want to be thin. If I can't be beautiful, smart, or successful. Let me be thin, have atleast the joy of being physically weightless because I'm far from it mentally. Therapists will tell you it's a form of control because you feel hopeless in your life. Round of applause at least they got that right, everyone has destructive relationships inside their lives, mines food. Others can be anything from an alcoholic to a workaholic. I'm stuck and maybe I want some control even if it's an illusion.
Summers coming, I can't go outside looking like this. I'm starting a new diet.
Crying isn't enough anymore, I need someone to beat me bloody everytime I eat.
Skin and bones, that's all I want, skin and bones.
I can either let it take me over and be myself, or I can fight it and live but loose who i am. I'd rather live a short life of acceptance, than a long one of denial.
I want to be perfect, and small, and beautiful, I'm so tired of feeling like this. I find no reason to live if I'm not thin.
OF THERE ARE ANY MF LIVING IN PARIS WHO NEED AN ED BUDDY... HIT ME UP... I'm so lonely☠️☠️☠️
I'm gonna go on a really long walk...
I'm bordering on alc0holis3 only thing stopping me Is the amount of cals in vodka. So slay I guess..
Was I ever actually better?
I feel it coming back, it's leaking back into my life. Please no. I can't do this again.
I hate her because I want to be her and she is but ill never be. Even if I loose the weight I still won't be as beautiful. F*ck her.