Nurbo

I like Revue Starlight I'm paranoid and asocial

[sadlyglyphtaken]

it's comical how despite being a text creature and also an actual academic researcher i'm almost incapable of reading at all

as usual it's a problem with my eyes. my eyes just can't really be directed to a particular place of my choosing for more than a split second at a time. it's the same reason i can't see motion except as analogous to the frames of a flipbook. most of the time my eyes are not where i want them to be or worse, moving, and i can't see while they move and even if they stop moving for a second to give me a glimpse i cannot see most of what i'm looking at. i have to already know what i'm looking at. hence why i can speedrun hollow knight 112% or a randomiser for the hundredth time. i can't quite do it with my eyes closed but it is so visually familiar to me that most of it happens in my head, not in my eyes. (yet i will make mistakes that betray my lack of sight, not noticing many things that i am ostensibly looking directly at, not noticing things that are moving unless i know exactly where they are already, that sort of thing)

i usually compare my way of reading to shotgun sequencing

ew, that looks really blurry. uh but yeah usually i don't even get to look at all the letters in words longer than like… well right now i can see about three letters at a time, if there's no spaces between them, but sometimes it's better or worse and sometimes the size of the letters is different and sometimes the screen is a different distance from my eyes; it's really about how narrow my visual field is at the moment and how much space they take up in the visual field

my eye involuntarily skips around on the page and i can't even confine it to a particular paragraph. i've found it's actually better/faster/easier to understand to skim things in their entirety and then go back and do multiple passes. but that ruins the pacing of fiction so i try to force myself to read fiction really really linearly and it's an interminably slow effort. moreover it requires incredible amounts of focus. it'll usually be by far the most effortful thing i do all day, if i do that. and i can't do more than idk 3k words in one sitting

sometimes i use a screenreader instead but that is a painful experience in its own way. screenreaders interpret text so artlessly and i have problems with auditory processing of language. (i do not have other kinds of auditory processing issues. it is part of my language-related disabilities in general)

so yeah i have a long backlog of things i need to read. academic papers are relatively easy since the exact wording doesn't matter and they don't care what order i read them in. it is fiction or more generally artistic writing that i find very difficult to do. so that is my excuse if you recommend me a thing and i haven't read it yet…

(my eyes have gotten worse over time, partly due to traumatic brain injury, but sight has always been difficult and spurious to me. i would appreciate it if nobody would characterise my site issues as adhd; they are perfectly well explained by my schizotypy and neurological issues. i meet the diagnostic criteria for adhd in other ways but this isn't an attention issue, it's a visual processing issue, and adhd is not the only thing under the sun that causes visual processing issues. people only seem to buy that my visual processing issues are schizotypal when i talk about my hallucinations, and that gets annoying, because it betrays that they know nothing about schizotypy.)

[piercingcomet]

im getting dysphoria from masking

like i laugh at something and horrifically flinch as a realise i didn't find that funny

[leblebiii99]

Having hallucinations quite regularly is such a weird experience cause most of the time I can adjust to it and do things and think about things like there is nothing and then I randomly get overly conscious of my hallucinations and now I can't do anything but focus on the hallucinations and feel scared and or irritated

[hakonohanayome]

[chaoticschizo]

Next time i hear someone say schizophrenics are dangerous i'm gonna prove them right

[chaoticschizo]

empathy (derogatory)

[tsunamywave]

Chikanaso's roles range chart! *just my opinion, and only from stage plays I watched

[the-label-sanctuary]

Delusions of Conditional Usefulness

・₊✧𝘈 𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘮 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘥𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘳𝘺｡｡｡ -`♡´- 

✧ Delusions of conditional usefulness - The belief that their worth in relationships (romantic, platonic, familial, etc) is based on how 'useful' they are. They may believe that if they aren't 'useful' enough, they will be discarded due to their perceived 'uselessness'. ✧

✧ Tagging for all Term posts: @radiomogai ✧

✧ Delusion-Specific flag by @inkveiledarchive--archived ✧

[PT: A pearlescent term has been added to the sanctuary…]

[chaoticschizo]

Happy pride month to psychotic queers. especially psychotic aspecs. especially psychotic aspecs who are beyond aro/ace

[hakonohanayome]

Shoujo☆Kageki Revue Starlight -The LIVE- #2 Transition

[rainbowstory-333]

Revue starlight edit

Major spoilers for the Revue Starlight movie

Let's spice up this month with some competitive and tragic yuri!

These girls are fighting for the glory of the stage and possibly their complicated feelings for each other!

Night at the Opera - Emei

[sarinisanta]

One day we'll live in a world where we'll be able to treat the experiences of folks with schizophrenia with the respect they deserve and not like a circus show.

One day.

[sch-com]

Specific manifestations of schizoid PD in my life

see similar post for anakastic PD / OCPD

When I first heard of my personality disorders, it was hard for me to notice their role in my life. Part of it was that I was younger, and with less experiences, but part of it was that by nature PDs are so ingrained it's hard to see the full scope of their influence. Particularly I struggled to see the "dysfunction" part - I was thinking that sure, I do experience that, but is it really that bad? And you can't have a PD without the dysfunction, so do I even count? I think that now, after some time and more reflections, I can say I do see the dysfunction, so I thought to share my observations.

Using the DSM V criteria for schizoid PD:

1/ Neither wants nor likes close relationships, counting being part of a family / Has no close friends other than immediate relatives

When I was first moving out for university, I didn't really have any close enough friends I would feel truly comfortable moving with. It limited my choices, and influenced the one I ultimately made (a mistake).

Also, when I was moved out and experienced my first full-blown mental health crisis, I didn't have anyone around me to rely on.

Studying in uni is much harder when I am not talking with people in my class. Normally students support each other, share notes etc I imagine. I have to do everything alone.

Talking to people = opportunities. And support. Real, material support of being physically near. Going to places together, someone having a job opprotunity, hell even having anyone around in case of an emergency.

I suspect at least part of my emotional problems can be attributed to my self-imposed isolation. Occassionaly when I do talk to someone, it's like... an altered mental state, in a good way. When I laugh, I feel physically good. And it's easier to laugh with other people around. It's the little things I think, that are crucial and I am largely missing out on.

2/ Almost constantly picks introverted activities

Sharing what you do can help you progress faster. Sharing your art and getting critique, joining language classes. Sure I can do all of this on my own as well, but it may be sub-optimal. I think it's a matter of balance - and if I consistently choose to opt out of group activities, it could be seen as dysfunctional.

Also again, doing stuff with other people = meeting other people = getting the social connection, vital for even physical health, and gaining access to opportunities and support.

Other people can also motivate you, or keep you accountable for doing something. When I do (almost) everything on my own, I have to well, rely on my motivation / determination, which is often hard (more on that in 4/).

3/ Has little if any, thought in engaging in any sexual experiences

Frankly I am asexual, so I wouldn't say it's causing me any distress. I suppose that lack of sexual life can be viewed as lack of a major life activity, if you want to interpret it that way.

However, somewhat connected to 4/, it's hard for me to say 100% that sex life is something I truly don't want, or if it's just another thing I am opting out of out of the lack of reward. More on that below.

4/ Seldom derives pleasure from any activities

The emotional implications are written into the criterium itself. Lack of pleasure is I think dysfunctional already.

But, adding on the above - lack of pleasure/satisfaction definitely made me lose a lot of motivation for doing anything. I have disengaged from hobbies because of it. I have disengaged from studies, from social activities, from even simple things watching movies, reading, or cooking a good meal because of this. I have to force myself to do pretty much anything. There is not a single thing that I do simply because I truly enjoy it - I need another reason on top, like an obligation.

What I mean by the above, is that... I think I have opted out of things because they don't bring me much emotional reward, not the other way around (so it's NOT that I don't get a lot of joy because I don't do things). I remember when I was younger and more active in life, doing something like travelling, or acomplishing something, and emotionally not getting anything out of it. So I wished I was just in bed and not doing the thing, because at least it's less effort, for the same emotional reward (= lack thereof). And as I became an adult with more control over my day-to-day, I stopped many major life activities because I can. And it's all the same.

5/ Appears apathetic to the admiration or disapproval of others

For me it's largely related to 4/, because I don't get much internal reward from external stimuli, it also manifests in how this criterium describes it.

I've had people believe in me in the past. Try to encourage me, praise me, tell me they see a potential. But I... couldn't believe them. I don't feel this, it's all the same if I am awarded something or not. External rewards don't cause internal reaction, so like why bother? Why bother going after this hard thing, winning a competition, if after I acomplished it it's all the same void? I put the effort into something, only for this to not matter. So I stopped putting so much effort.

I think it may also discourage others from trying to help me, because historically I haven't shown much reaction, or improvement, or gratefulness for their honest efforts. To give up on me, because I seem like this empty shell of a person. But I don't really know, I think it would have to be someone else to confirm this.

6/ Shows emotional coldness, detachment, or flattened affectivity

People told me that I appear flat and so it's hard for them to read me. It's hard to know what I think, and some became afraid that I was judging them, when I... I don't? Overall, this one makes it really hard to connect to others and to be understood. So it makes me feel even more like an alien.

I have also hurt people because of this. Because I detach, I isolate, I forget about people. I am the friend you have to message to get a conversation, or schedule a meetup, because I don't initiate. I know it's a hard position to be in, and I don't want to hurt anyone, so I only disengaged more to not even have any friends that would care about me enough to be hurt by my isolation.

Because I seem all the same (flat and withdrawn) all the time, it's harder to notice when I am struggling. I can be in the throws of depression and actively suicidal, but outward appear pretty much the same. So people don't believe me, not even professionals, and I have been neglected because of this.

[directactionforhope]

AI Psychosis and the implications of its existence

Actually as shitty as the existence of AI psychosis is, the implications of it are FUCKING MIND-BOGGLING in actually a really revolutionary way.

("WTF are you talking about?" / "What do we currently know about AI psychosis?": x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x)

People Are Being Involuntarily Committed, Jailed After Spiraling Into "ChatGPT Psychosis"

People experiencing "ChatGPT psychosis" are being involuntarily committed to mental hospitals and jailed following AI mental health crises.

Paywall free, via Futurism, June 28, 2025

Like, as someone who works professionally editing mental health books, the existence of AI psychosis almost certainly completely upends our understandings of how mental health disorders work. And their causes.

There's a non-zero chance the discovery/existence of AI psychosis is like. going to be/lead to more or less the mental health equivalent of inventing/discovering germ theory.

Like, in the past one to two years, we have gone from only sort of beginning to suspect,* to having actual, literal, indisputable proof that you can go from not having a psychotic disorder** to having a psychotic disorder literally just from talking too much to a very aggrandizing source and/or echo chamber

THAT SEVERELY UPENDS OUR UNDERSTANDING OF THE DEVELOPMENT AND ORIGINS OF MENTAL HEALTH DISORDERS

*Note: On a "scientific consensus" and "robust peer-reviewed research" level. Obviously, as a couple people in the notes pointed out, people who have experienced this shit have been saying this for years, and I'm very glad that science is finally backing up that maybe we should fucking listen to people actually experiencing a thing when we study that thing. **Note: I am using "psychotic" and "psychotic disorders" in their technical definition here, which is simply "involves experiencing breaks from reality." Because, contrary to all the stigma and misinformation, that's the literal/actual definition (x, x, x)

And like, obviously, in at least many cases, there would be/often are genetic, environmental, or trauma factors that are putting their thumbs on the scale there. But we know for a fact that a number of people who have developed AI psychosis do not have a previous record of mental health issues.

But the tipping factor for at least dozens of people, we now know for a fact, was talking to an AI chatbot. And we have a complete record of what was said for almost every single one of those cases, because, among other things, OpenAI / ChatGPT is now LEGALLY REQUIRED to preserve ALL CHAT TRANSCRIPTS, even if users delete them, until the court says otherwise (x, x, x).

(Which will be, by the way, years, at a minimum - that may have started with a copyright lawsuit, but there will be so many other AI lawsuits and investigations, including about AI psychosis, in the EU if not the US - this will go on for a while)

Anyway, yeah, good news in the long term for the understanding and treatment of mental health disorders

In the short term, seriously, please don't use chatbots for at least another couple of years, as a safety precaution

At least until they've sorted this shit out and (HOPEFULLY) figured out how to make this shit stop happening (and then, hopefully, actually implemented those changes).

Just call it a basic safety precaution - especially if you have any sort of neurodivergence and/or any history or family history of hallucinations, delusions, schizophrenia / schizo-spectrum, psychotic spectrum disorders, etc.

[pingucantswim]

Day 3 | Trouble

"You'll have to trust me until the very last moment. I'm your sweet Russian Roulette"

[luduck77]

i stumbled and stopped moving on

[pupaproject]

✨🦋 1 in 300 🦋✨

✨🩶 Still Means Millions 🩶✨

🦋 “You can take my heart, you can take my breath when you pry it from my cold, dead chest!” — The Resistance (Skillet)

May 24th is World Schizophrenia Day! And I’m so excited that once again, we all get to celebrate it together, lovely fellow patients! Every year I get to this date, I feel immense pride in my determination to live. And I’m so happy to finally have a community of people to share my joy and experiences with!!

Very recently, I had visited an actual asylum that had opened in 1908 near where I live. When walking through the halls and reading the historical information, when seeing all the toys left behind for children long since passed and the papers filled out with patients’ vitals, their symptoms, it was an overwhelming reminder of all people like me have lived through, and still live through.

I would have resided there. If I was born decades ago, it would have been me in those medical beds, and it may have also been you. It may have been many of us. And that is why I am so determined to tell this story. This history, this dignity I want to preserve of all psychiatric patients from both the past and present, is one of the most important things in the world to me.

When you think about asylums, about the scary and violent history, about the small wins that were won in these institutions, the good, the bad, I want everyone to remember that us patients are still among you. We are not relics of the past or stuck white hospital rooms. We are living, we are striving for better futures, for hope and acceptance and love just like anyone else.

Around 1 in 300 people have schizophrenia. In the US, that means there is about 3.7 million of us. In the world, 23 million. And yet we are still so misunderstood and mistreated. I, personally, am fed up with that. We may be a minority even in the mental health space, but that does not mean we don’t deserve the same care as others. Through Pupa Project, I am determined to change the course we find ourselves on. I am determined to make this world better for us, even if by just a little bit.

🦋 Happy World Schizophrenia Day!!

Let’s change fate, together. 🦋✨🩶