Trash_Bin.exe

Personal dumpsite for my thoughts and queries. Est. 2013. *links are dead

[paralian-s]

[mypenleaksiridescence]

“I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I’m awake, you know?”

-Ernest Hemingway

[ivannuru]

[achingchest]

i know how it feels to love someone only when it is convenient. on our best days, i really think this is going to work. we have so much energy. we wear our hearts on our sleeves. on days like those, we melt together in a way i can’t explain. “do you ever feel like we just know what each other are thinking without saying anything?” you nod like it’s a blessing and a curse. you’re afraid of being rejected and i’m afraid of being hurt, but i know you want to kiss me so i kiss you first.

but then the bad days come, like they always do, and with them goes my confidence and with that goes yours. i tell you that all boys are the same and you agree. you can’t promise me this will be better than the times before, but you want it to be. and on the bad days, that isn’t enough for me. you don’t feel enough for me. and in a way, you aren’t. but i don’t know how to say that in a way you’ll understand so i say nothing.

you tell me, “i wish i was the light you always saw in me.” you don’t have faith in yourself and i don’t have faith in being the person you always choose over me.

so when you tell me i’m stuck with you, i say you’re going to leave. you don’t know how to comfort me. you can’t tell me you won’t meet someone better, just like you always have. i start thinking about everything every other girl has. i don’t feel good. i don’t feel pretty.

but i’m afraid to ask you to fight for me because on the days you do, i push you away. i remember the bad days and the good days don’t look as bright as they used to be. i’m dragging us down again. you’re unhappy. i don’t know how to get what i want without it hurting.

[misunderstoodramblings]

He misses you.

When he thinks he’s over you, a random hair tie you left at his place will make an appearance on the side of his bed. He’ll reach for it, twirl it around his finger the same way he did with that piece of hair that always fell out of your ponytail. He’ll watch it spin, so fast it’s almost a blur. His eyes will gaze over as he remembers how you laid on his sheets, the long mane of your hair draped over his pillows like a halo. He’ll probably shake his head, as if to clear the day dream from his mind. He’ll drop the hair tie in the drawer next to his closet, and try to go about his day like he never found it. But before he does, his breath will catch in his throat, and come out in a long gasp of I miss her. He’ll stop himself from leaving the room, only to stare from the doorframe and picture you asleep on his bed one last time.

When the weather starts getting colder, he’ll miss your warmth and the cookies you baked with him. He’ll miss how you both danced around the kitchen to Christmas music, and sipped wine that tasted of the season.

When something wonderful happens, he’ll miss calling you with all the details first. He’ll miss the sound of your excited voice as you cheer him on. And then when something terrible happens, he’ll miss calling you with all those details too. He’ll miss your car pulling up in the driveway, and your arms around him as he falls apart.

He’ll even miss you on nights out with the boys, his phone silent in his pocket, craving the feel of a buzz reminding him that you’re at home waiting for his return. The warm beer only a distraction that you aren’t, anymore.

He’ll miss you as he drives the long way home, ignoring the shortcut down your street. And as he parks his car in his empty driveway, he’ll call himself a fool as he looks up at his darkened house, wondering if you miss him as much as he misses you.

And when he crawls into bed at night, he won’t be able to stop himself as he reaches for that hair tie again. He’ll let it twirl around his finger once more and imagine what life would be like if he never let you go.

So, don’t scold yourself for wondering if he misses you. Because I promise, he does.

-C.A.

(via misunderstoodramblings)

[sunsetquotes]

I needed to be somewhere different. Maybe I needed to be someone different, too.

Heather Davis; The Clearing (via sunsetquotes)

[xno-feelingsx]

Anxiety is a way to die…

[its-mikeyy]

~♠️

[leftiswhatgodmademe]

I’m not saying that you have to tell me everything, I’m simply saying don’t ever lie to me, it is the one thing that I can’t and won’t forgive.

We are all entitled to our secrets just don’t tell me a secret that means nothing. (via imperiallefty)

[mymessyink]

I want to make him breakfast on Saturday mornings. I’ll wake him up with kisses, Spongebob, and cinnamon rolls. I want to sing with him in the car. I want to dance together in the morning light and have pillow fights. I want to grocery shop with him. I’d run down the aisle with the cart, him laughing at my childish antics. I want to roll over in the middle of the night and nuzzle into his neck. I want Christmas traditions, baking cookies and decorating the tree. I want to hold his hand in the park. I want to go to bars together. I want to go to the zoo, the aquarium, concerts. I want to play basketball with him, and of course I’d kick his butt (and we’d both pretend he didn’t let me win). I want to laugh with him, kiss him, hold him, have sex with him. I want him.

excerpt from a book I’ll never write (via mymessyink)

[tmpoem]

at night when I go to bed i tell myself tomorrow will be better tomorrow I will feel better then the morning comes and nothing has changed everything feels the same

t.m. (via tmpoem)

[letters-from-alex]

How can I replace you, when I can’t find anyone that makes me forget you exist?

i’ve compared everyone i’ve ever met to you (via letters-from-alex)

[stargazerinmoksha]

rinse and repeat, i haven’t had proper sleep in a few weeks, i feel weak. isn’t love supposed to make us strong? my tiny thoughts for you becoming something larger than space, the depths i have tried to hide in my laughter and smile for you— you can sense it, you can feel it, but we don’t talk about it. it’s something that i can’t hide much longer and i would love to hold you, i would love to love you like that, but what if things don’t work out? what if we fall apart like everything else that was built from ground up? even buildings can fall and stars can die— can something that we’ve formulated in our heads cease to be too? unfold the creases of my heart to find your name scattered around like fallen leaves. every leaf has its day, so when the seasons change i think about you. i know that life is short and love won’t last, but if things change for us someday— i would rather have a past that tried to fall in love with you than a past that denied having any feelings for you at all. there’s no other way to say this.

i need you. i want you. i love you.

fuck how it turns out, i want to find out.

[wnq-quotes]

Do not protect my feelings if I ask your opinion: I’m asking because I’m unsure; I’m asking because I know something’s wrong. Tell me the truth. Be brutal. Help me.

Tennessee Williams, Follies of God: Tennessee Williams and the Women of the Fog

Read more on wordsnquotes

(via wnq-quotes)

[violentwavesofemotion-deactivat]

You have no idea what I used to put up with.

Margaret Atwood, from Good Bones and Simple Murders; “Gertrude Talks Back,”

[violentwavesofemotion-deactivat]

There’s something off about that girl. Borderline. Any little shock could push her right over the edge.

Margaret Atwood, from Good Bones and Simple Murders; “Gertrude Talks Back,”

[pulsing-ink]

Maybe I thought that you would see something in me, something that I couldn’t have seen without another to uncover it. I believed that you could wipe away my mask like paint, stripping heavy pigment away to uncover the speckled pattern of my face, shy stars I’ve tucked away and sealed off because they only divided me from the rest of them even more.

Maybe I thought you cared for me with stronger depths, far beneath a bubbling ocean, past the point of logic. Perhaps I imagined that you admired the things that made me different, like I was finally being seen for the first time.

I thought you loved me.

Maybe I thought wrong

[ivannuru]

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1973949970