For Brother

"Of course I’m not. Why, do I seem like it?"

"Just a little. I can smell the shifty off of you from a mile away. No offense."

"Just great."

So much for being discrete.

"Well, what does all of this mean, anyway? So maybe I feel empathy for select people. So what?"

Dio reeled back, surprised at the outburst. Honestly, he hadn’t been expecting something like this from him of all people. Atlus was quiet - reminded him of a shy girl, really - but now it seemed he grew some balls, after all. Dio was simultaneously annoyed and impressed.

But his anger outweighed anything else. He crossed his arms, glaring at the other man. “…Why the fuck are you bringing that up now?” He hadn’t thought about the shooting for a while, but now his mind was lost in the memories. His gaze became clouded for a moment, looking past Atlus rather than at him. He completely missed the part about ‘let me lo’. Whatever that could’ve meant.

"Just what?" he asked, snapping back to reality.

"I-I… I’m sorry… you’re right, I… I’m so cruel…" Atlus realized what he’d said, and swallowed hard. "You… you don’t deserve that. I’m sorry…"

Atlus recoiled a little. Now he was just crying more. Those images, that day, all of it came flooding back to him in a wash of red. Agony. He felt his heart wrench and his stomach churn, and wrapped his arms around himself tightly. He had to go. He had to get away. Now.

"I… I…" Atlus took a deep, hard breath, the kind of breath that gets sucked in too fast and rattles your lungs and your bones. His heart throbbed faster. Just say it, say it and run, say it and run, go, go…

"I want to be with you, Dio! But you make it so hard! I-I… I think I…" Atlus opened his mouth, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t get it out, and he wondered if that first sentence was even clear enough to express his feelings at all in the slightest.

But before he could think too much, he turned away, starting to take a few steps and run. He wasn’t the fastest, but his head and body ached for him to go, and quick.

#floweringpacifist #so fucking late sorry

Dio expected to be pissed, to be frustrated and angry by Atlus's garbled response. The blond understood to some extent what 'be with you' meant, but he didn't even want to think about that right now - it was a sin, wasn't it? Why did the prospect of being with someone less difficult than it had been at home?

What had happened between then and now?! What was different? Dio felt lost, like a whole chunk of his life was missing from his mind. There was something in between the two points in time, but he had no way of knowing what apart from a few people that looked familiar.

Atlus wasn't one of those people, but he rubbed Dio in a right sort of way. Dio wanted to be around this guy more, to maybe punch him in the shoulder or watch him blush at his words or - or something. Be friends, and the like. Friends would work, for now - until the Myrmidon could even figure out what it meant to hold affection for someone else.

Without thinking, he chased after Atlus, latching his palm around the other man's wrist. "Atlus," he murmured, gaze low, "You don't... you don't have to run away."

⋱ ⅅeep ₮rouble ⋰ | Candle & Dio

Atlus stood up. He couldn’t waste too much more time dawdling… but his feet still hurt. As soon as he got up, he sighed, and sat back down. Just a little while longer couldn’t hurt…

But then he thought of his mother, leading his father and sister along to safety with just a shotgun. He thought of his sister, trying to stab nine-foot-tall demons with forks and butterknives, the way she always used to play warriors with him in the backyard, his father shielding her as they…

"No, no…" Atlus’ breathing spiked again, his heart stinging and a surge of some nauseating tingle ran from his neck to his toes. He leapt to his feet, snatched up his lantern and hurried onward through the tunnel. There was no time to waste.

I’ll be there soon… I… He ran faster, trying to beat a clock that had started ticking louder and louder in his mind.

"Ugh!" he stumbled and went flying forward, slipping on a patch of stones. His face hit the ground hard, and he choked on the dirt. "O-Ow…"

He sat up, staying there on the ground for a moment. His eyes welled with tears, but he gritted his teeth. I chose this. I will not go back on this…

rhosynllachar-blog

Dio opened the door, and she heaved a sigh of relief. “Thank the sun you’re here. Atlus said last night he was planning on crossing the Wall-I told him to wait until today and we could talk then, but I’ve been searching all over town and I-I can’t find him, Dio!”

She gripped her hair and tried to breathe, but saying it out loud just made her realize how much she’d screwed up. “He was doing something stupid with firecrackers last night, and I KNOW he couldn’t have done anything with them because I took them, but now I don’t know where he is!” Such an IDIOT, how could you just let him go like that, didn’t you see he was on the edge? You just had to have your little prank, and now one of your friends is in danger, you stupid little fool.

#rhosynllachar #floweringpacifist #SORRY

"Whoa, whoa..." The blond stared in disbelief at Candle, quirking a brow and standing in his doorway as still as stone. Atlus was... missing? Where could that idiot have gone to? Dio clenched his jaw in frustration, moving out of the doorway to let the girl in. Though he really couldn't care less about her well-being, it was evident that they'd have to work together to find Atlus.

And for some reason, Atlus meant more than anyone else here so far. The guy just stood out for some reason.

"Okay, so he's missing. You looked all over town - you sure he's not, like, in his house or something?" That sounded like a stupid question, but all the same... "Where could he have gone?" Was there a way out of the city Dio didn't know about?

Ha. Ha. Ha.

"Not really. Only with certain people."

"So you’re not a heartless bastard. That’s a start."

"Of course I'm not. Why, do I seem like it?"

"…Okay, sure. What did you wanna talk about?"

"Let’s talk about empathy and compassion. That weird feeling you get when other people are in pain and you can’t stand the sight of it. Does that happen to you?"

Ha. Ha. Ha.

"Not really. Only with certain people."

"Unsurprisingly, I’m not a big drinker. So, whatever works."

"Let’s do vodka with OJ."

"...Okay, sure. What did you wanna talk about?"

He doesn’t really put up too much of a fight with these things anymore. Of course, he has no idea why - his memories are blurry regarding a year or so ago, or what happened in between the Ambidex Game and now. Something did, though, because he’s less concerned about Free the Soul than he’d like, and he’s more indulgent (which… wasn’t really good).

"…Sure, okay."

"So what’s your poison, tophat?"

"Unsurprisingly, I'm not a big drinker. So, whatever works."

"…Am I allowed to not know?"

"Only if you come with me to the bar. Let’s talk."

He doesn't really put up too much of a fight with these things anymore. Of course, he has no idea why - his memories are blurry regarding a year or so ago, or what happened in between the Ambidex Game and now. Something did, though, because he's less concerned about Free the Soul than he'd like, and he's more indulgent (which... wasn't really good).

"...Sure, okay."

"I’m not leading him on."

"Then what are you doing?"

"...Am I allowed to not know?"

"W-wait a second! Don’t assume things!"

"It’s not nice to lead people on, Dio."

"I'm not leading him on."

"Maybe it is one-sided.”

Liar.

"Ahhh, I see. I’ll be sure to let him know before he gets all hung up over you then."

"W-wait a second! Don't assume things!"

"Is our relationship—" or lack thereof, obviously, "—any of your business?"

"Dude. He thinks it’s one-sided. Do you know that he thinks it’s one-sided?"

"Maybe it is one-sided."

Liar.

"Wh- what the he- Who the fuck starts a conversation off like that!?"

"Whoa, easy. What’s your damage, man? I don’t get why the topic bothers you. Unless it’s like some deep dark gay secret of yours."

"Is our relationship--" or lack thereof, obviously, "--any of your business?"

"I’m pretty sure Atlus has the hots for you. You gonna do anything about it?"

"Wh- what the he- Who the fuck starts a conversation off like that!?"

"Hey, Dio. C’mere for a second."

"...Yeah? What is it?"

The blond’s teeth clenched tightly. Atlus didn’t know what the fuck he was talking about; he didn’t know Dio. The other man’s words only made him angry; he wasn’t made to be anyone but himself? He wasn’t made to be anyone but himself?

If only Atlus knew.

He took a deep breath, trying not to yell or explode. He was made to be Left. That’s who he was cloned from - that’s who he was, deep down.

"You’re wrong," he ground out, pain flashing in his eyes. "You are… so fucking wrong! You don’t know a goddamn thing about me, do you!?" He couldn’t cut the strings, no matter how far away he was from the puppet master.

"M… Maybe I want to! Maybe I want to know about you! Maybe I want to know about you, not the you you’re ‘supposed’ to be!”

"I-I’m not wrong! I know that you… you’re a good person! You can be… and I won’t stop believing in that! I won’t give up on anyone in this damned place, especially not you! I-I…" There it was again. More tears.

"I didn’t give up on you on that street! I didn’t give up when you woke up bleeding in my arms, and I’m not giving up now! Why do you make it so hard to care about you?! Why can’t you let me lo…”

Atlus stopped, taking in a sharp breath.

"J-Just…!" He shook his head. He wanted to run away, but his feet were stuck. He was glued to that pavement, tied to that cold concrete.

Dio reeled back, surprised at the outburst. Honestly, he hadn't been expecting something like this from him of all people. Atlus was quiet - reminded him of a shy girl, really - but now it seemed he grew some balls, after all. Dio was simultaneously annoyed and impressed.

But his anger outweighed anything else. He crossed his arms, glaring at the other man. "...Why the fuck are you bringing that up now?" He hadn't thought about the shooting for a while, but now his mind was lost in the memories. His gaze became clouded for a moment, looking past Atlus rather than at him. He completely missed the part about 'let me lo'. Whatever that could've meant.

"Just what?" he asked, snapping back to reality.

#floweringpacifist

Dio may be a rude person, but he still didn’t like tears. He didn’t really know how to respond to them when they were genuine; biting his lip, he looked away for a moment.

"D-don’t cry! C’mon…"

This was strange - he shouldn’t really care, but with Atlus, it was all different. His fingers hovered over the other man’s shoulders until his hands dropped to his sides.

"Goddammit… I just can’t be nice. I wasn’t made to be.”

"Y-Yes you can! You can do anything, Dio… you can say you’re sorry, you can smile, you can laugh, you can trust people… you weren’t made to be anyone but yourself! Nobody is!”

Atlus finally managed to look at him. He hesitated, and visibly too, before reaching out to take both of Dio’s hands. He got close, but couldn’t bring himself to do it. There was still a gap between them, somewhere in his mind. He wanted to tear it down, but he couldn’t. He could say all these things to him, tell him to be better, be happier, but crying out against a storm always meant choking on the wind and rain. Silence.

"… you might not think you can be nice, but… you are. You are… you just need to let it show.” he sniffled just a little, before wiping his eyes, and quickly. How shameful. “I believe in you. Please don’t say you were ‘meant to be’ anything, ‘made to be’ something or other… nobody here can force you to be anything.” Part of him wanted to outright say “those people in that cult who controlled you”, but that gesture felt too dangerous, maybe even wrong, too. Dio cared about them, somewhere in his heart.