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@legcndaddy-blog
Send “Rumor has it...” And a rumor about my muse
finnishfemalepirates
“Yes, I’m legally allowed to be here. I just don’t drink. You must’ve met people who choose to be sober, right?” She had to be surprised, choosing to be sober wasn’t the strangest thing in the world, it would just be odd if he hadn’t met any people like her. “Gin and tonic, huh? I was half expecting a jägerbomb.” Beatrice turned to check out the girl in question, admiring the choice of dress - it wasn’t something she’d wear, but it looked cute on her. “She’s hot. Props to you for chatting her up. But she doesn’t want an astronaut… She wants to get complimented on her legs and someone to carry those heels for her when she gives up for the night. Telling her some fancy story might be fun, but it doesn’t lend you any extra points.” She copied him, not actually meaning to, of course. She was just thirsty. “Yeah, he died before I was born. Mortal wound.”
“You would make an excellent wingwoman, you know that?” He raises an eyebrow, observing them both. That girl, as hot as she may be, doesn’t need a compliment – that would make her think that he’s in love or whatnot. Barney’s learned that lesson a long time ago: you do not compliment a woman without pointing out some flaw, her self esteem shouldn’t be boosted, it should be lowered, and then she’s good and ready. “And most people come to bars when they want an alcoholic drink, hence the surprise. Mortal wound? He must have been cool.” Ordinary people rarely die from a wound, unless it’s about an armed mugging. “Was he famous? Like an actor or something? Because you sure look like a movie star.”
finnishfemalepirates
“Jeez, thanks. You sure know how to make a gal feel special.” She could easily work out what he meant by that and raised an eyebrow to let him know she knew. Beatrice is willing to take this thing to fruition, even if it only means she has a lasting effect on him treating women as they deserved to be treated. “I don’t drink alcohol, but I’d love another root beer.” She isn’t sure if he’ll expect that or if it’ll throw him for a loop, and she’s excited to see what’ll happen. “Your first lesson is treating women like intelligent beings, not objects, and recognising the struggle we get from guys like you.”
“Root beer in a bar? Wait. You are legally allowed to be here, right?” Apparently, the get her drunk plan isn’t going to work either, but Barney is ready to give up just as much as he is ready to change his ways. “One gin and tonic, one root beer,” he smiles playfully, as the bartender makes the drinks. “See, I treat women based on their intelligence. That girl behind your back – short dress, revealing neckline – she’d believe I’m an astronaut about to depart on a secret shuttle mission. Most of the girls who come here only want a meaningless fling, while secretly wanting it to be special. And I give it to them. You? I don’t know if being smart makes you luckier than them, but we’re talking and I haven’t yet tried to convince you that I’m Ryan Gosling. Yep, that one actually worked.” He takes a sip of his drink. “So, you said you never knew your father?”
finnishfemalepirates
“In my experience, you usually get further with a girl by being nice to her.” She’d say that she didn’t mean to bring up her experience with women so fast, but that would be a lie. She liked talking about girls about as much as she wagered the guy in front of her did. “Or maybe she just wants you to back up a few inches. I’ll admit that I never knew my father… But I also never knew my mother. And the people that raised me made sure I never felt inadequate because of it. My turn. Firing daddy issues right back at you, along with a healthy dose of lying and misogyny. Bingo.”
“Wow.” An orphan. Score. “You just... got even more interesting.” Hotter. She just got even hotter. And strangely enough, the father thing didn’t play a role in that – as much as Barney likes the type of girls he’s used to, dumb and gullible, there’s nothing like a woman who can talk back. It’s a challenge, and it’s accepted. “It seems like we’ve both scored tonight, huh?” He gives her a gentle smile. “Tell you what. How about we drop the whole insult-thy-neighbor thing, I buy you a drink and you tell me all about being nice to girls, since I’m clearly lacking this knowledge?”
@legcndaddy cont. x
“Interesting how you fail to distinguish between a pickup line and a blatant insult.” She sips her drink with an amused expression, like a cat watching a mouse between its paws. “And there’s the god complex kicking in. This is almost like a game of person bingo. I bet I can get bingo by the time you’ve finished your next sentence.” Beatrice has to admit, talking to him about this is pretty fun, but she really doesn’t care about his tie.
“The two are usually the same thing.” That might be a source of a new theory, he’s never thought about it before. And he sure as hell tries to pretend to not be offended in the slightest. “If a woman starts a conversation with an insult, she is obviously interested in you without even realizing it. If you want to play bingo, let’s play bingo. A pretty face, playing hard to get and coming up with elaborate insults. The only thing missing is some serious daddy issues, and I sense those from a mile away. Bingo!”
gearsandlevers
“The Ted Mosby? You named the act of lying about being left at the alter because you’ve done it enough you have a success rating? I’m going to guess your sample is too small to be statistically relevant anyway, but still.” He clearly had some issues to work through. She didn’t touch on the fact that it hadn’t been hard to put the pieces together.
“And alright, fine, you’re not in love.” She didn’t believe that either, but that was neither here nor there and she had no right to make such assumptions as a stranger. “But she’s different. You looked at her differently. I think you would care if some guy hit on her and took her home the way you’re trying to do with pretty much every woman in here.” Which she didn’t get but again that was a bit different.
Once again her eyebrow went up. He was seriously asking? Oh he had no idea just how pointless a question that was.
“Casual one night stands are not really my thing. And you could at least ask a woman’s name before propositioning and dismissing her at the same time, though well played.”
“Every play has a name,” he shrugs. “The Ted Mosby is named after... nevermind. And my sample would surprise you.”
Barney obviously doesn’t mention the Playbook – no woman should ever know about its existence. It’s as sacred as the Bro Code, if a little bit more obscene. Yet, she is also different from the other girls in the bar. Every time he tried to hit on a girl who said no, she usually stormed off. Not to mention that no one ever tried to talk sense into him by analyzing some meaningless details, like him looking at Robin ‘differently’.
“The only girls who say casual one night stands are not their thing are those, who have a boyfriend or a husband, those, who still bang their ex, those with a friend with benefits, single moms-to be and, finally, nuns.” He has a theory about pretty much everything sex-related, and such an obvious thing is definitely not an exception. The only question is...
And then it happens. Some guy walking up to their booth to go on an apparently planned date with the woman Barney’s been meaning to talk to for months. Oh, damn it. He watches them for a few seconds before turning to his new acquaintance again. “See? I don’t care.” His left eye is twitching. She won’t notice it if he smiles. He tries to smile. “What’s your name?”
Extremely Exhausted Starters
“You. Rest. Now.”
“You took five steps and need to sit down again?”
“I’m absolutely fine, I just need to sit down.”
“I just need to sit-what do you mean I’m already laying down?”
“Your eyes aren’t focusing. Just close them for ten minutes.”
“Write one sentence on this piece of paper, and then I’ll let you up.”
“I just need a breather, that’s all. Maybe ten. No fifteen.”
“We’re both so exhausted we can’t even argue about not being exhausted.”
“When I said I needed five more minutes I meant it more like hours.”
“… no… I’m tired… let me sleep… I don’t want to get up.”
“We need to get out of the heat, you’re starting to look sick.”
“You can’t hide those shaking hands from me. You need to stop.”
“I’m just a little cold, I’m okay, really. Let me sit with a blanket or something.”
“Moving…? No I’m good thanks.”
“Gravity has a hold on me of which I have not the strength to break.”
“Was… was that actually there? That wasn’t there was it?”
“I’ve had no energy for three days.”
“You worked yourself so hard that you’ve been sentenced to three days of bed rest.”
“Listen I can… I can get up. It’s fine.”
“If we’re both in this state, we both really screwed up somewhere huh?”
“I have energy for exactly one more person of favourable standing, and going the hell to bed. With or without that person, bed is happening.”
“You’ve struggled to move anything for the last hour.”
“This is what happens when you over exert yourself.”
“You were almost dead from pushing it too far!”
“I went a little overboard sure… but I’m still alive. So shh.”
“ hello darkness my old friend … “
“Actually, my name is… Wait. What name did I give you? Wait. Have we ever met before?” For Barney seeing a sad girl usually only means one thing: she is defenseless, and that thing means one thing in its turn – the game is on. He’d pretend to care, then he’d pretend to listen and eventually he’d pretend to totally want to call her again. “Let me buy you a drink,” he smiles softly, implying a very smooth transition of this conversation.
(finnishfemalepirates) “You look like a normal person but actually you are the angel of death.”
@finnishfemalepirates
“Wow, that’s a lame pickup line if I ever heard one,” he watches her with interest, head tilted slightly to the side. “First of all, I’m not an angel. I’m a god. In a sexual way. Second of all, I look awesome. And third of all, yes, this tie is new, what up?” Barney Stinson is definitely no angel – it’s a matter of pride with him. He might be the devil himself, he’s been called that a couple of times, or a couple of dozens of times, but the devil is and has always been a genius.
Tell me what you think about my portrayal!
Reblog if you’re always open to questions for or about your muse(s)
gearsandlevers
“Your blog?” He had a blog about this? Of course he did.
Given that she already knew he was prone to lying, Violet considered him carefully. This was much more believably delivered than that stuff to the beautiful woman about being a count. Maybe this was something more close to reality. But she was fitting pieces together, the way her inventing mind was prone to do. and something wasn’t adding up.
“Alright, I’ll admit that delivery is more genuine, but I still don’t think you’re telling me the full truth there. You were giving off more frustration than loneliness, and I saw the way you looked at that woman just now, the way it was different than how you’re looking at anybody else in this bar. If you love somebody it’s her, and that wasn’t the look you give somebody who just broke your heart that badly just two weeks ago. Whatever is bothering you, and I am sorry for it, I don’t think it’s that you were left at the alter.”
Though if he had been left in the alter, she supposed he probably would be out looking for a rebound. Something was up, he was closer to being honest, she just didn’t think this was it.
“Besides, I’m clearly bothering you, which I would apologize for if I didn’t think you would just go off trying to manipulate random women otherwise. Why would you tell me about that?”
“Damn it, you’re good,” he admits with a groan. “The ‘Ted Mosby’ has a 100% success rate, and yet here you are, screwing it up.” Still Barney thinks it shouldn’t affect the rate – she saw him lie to other women before, that would make anyone more cautious. Any other girl at this bar would have fallen for this trick easily, it’s the pity and the tragedy of a good guy and a terrible woman who left him at the altar – what’s there not to fall for?
“And hey, I don’t love anyone, okay? That woman is my friend, and sure, she is gorgeous, intelligent, funny, awesome, gorgeous–” he stops, realizing this has been going on a while and he also used the same word twice. “But I don’t love her. She could go home with any of those guys and I wouldn’t care.”
And that is a big gulp of scotch. Another Lily is the last thing Barney needs right now – or ever. He tells personal stuff to strangers in two situations: one – if the stranger is a pretty girl, check, and two – if the personal stuff is a bunch of lies. In other words, there are better things for him to do rather than listen to a boring moral. A hot girl by the jukebox, for example. That he could definitely do.
“Okay, unless you’re interested in a casual one night stand that will most certainly be the best you’ve ever had, it’s been a nice chat. Are you interested?”
romantic comedy sentence starters/meme
“It’s so nice when you can sit with someone and not have to talk.”
“I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night.”
“When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”
“You’re high maintenance but you think you’re low maintenance.”
“You say things like that, and you make it impossible for me to hate you.”
“You look like a normal person but actually you are the angel of death.”
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and the thing is, I love you.”
“We were friends for a long time.”
“You know, you may be the first attractive woman I’ve not wanted to sleep with in my entire life.”
“When I buy a new book, I read the last page first. That way, in case I die before I finish, I know how it ends. That, my friend, is a dark side.”
“I am not your consolation prize.”
“No one has ever quoted me back to me before.”
“I’ll have what she’s having.”
“Are those sad tissues or happy tissues?”
“Nice boys don’t kiss like that.”
“I like you very much. Just as you are.”
“I realized that I had forgotten to kiss you goodbye.”
“Come on, we belong together - you, me, poor little skirt.”
“If I can’t make it with you, I can’t make it with anyone.”
“I realize that when I met you at the turkey curry buffet, I was unforgivably rude, and wearing a reindeer jumper.”
“Did I really run around on your lawn naked?”
“Aren’t you a bit young to be in love?”
“You can’t lose something you never had.”
“You’re already falling in love with me.”
“I’m gonna make you wish you were dead.”
“I love you, but I don’t have to like you right now.”
“Get down on one knee, it’s more romantic!”
“I’ll never let anybody put me in a cage.”
“I don’t want to put you in a cage, I want to love you.”
“I’d marry you for your money in a minute.”
“I just want somebody I can have a decent conversation with over dinner.”
“When you’re attracted to someone, it just means that your subconscious is attracted to their subconscious, subconsciously.”
“Gentleman… I had forgotten what you fellas looked like.”
“I wanted it to be you. I wanted it to be you so badly.”
“But I just want to say that all this nothing has meant more to me than so many somethings.”
“Isn’t everything we do in life a way to be loved a little more?”
“I like to feel his eyes on me when I look away.”
“People always talk about how love is this totally unselfish, giving thing, but if you think about it, there’s nothing more selfish.”
“Do you know anyone who’s in a happy relationship?”
“Listen, if somebody gave me the choice right now to never see you again or to marry you, I would marry you, alright? And maybe that’s a lot of romantic bullshit, but people have gotten married for a lot less.”
“I’m gonna take your picture. So I never forget you or all of this.”
“It’s amazing the clarity that comes with psychotic jealousy.”
“People put you down enough, you start to believe it… the bad stuff is easier to believe, you ever notice that?”
“I’m gonna treat you so nice, you’re never gonna let me go.”
“I appreciate this whole seduction thing you’ve got going on here, but let me give you a tip: I’m a sure thing.
“I love you. And not in a friendly way, although I think we’re great friends.”
“I love you. Very, very simple, very truly.”
“You are the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being.”
“If this is a crush, I don’t think I could take it if the real thing ever happened.”
“You are lovelier this morning than you have ever been.”
“That sex was the most fun I’ve ever had without laughing.”
“You’ve got an old fashioned idea divorce is something that lasts forever.”
“You’re wonderful, in a loathsome sort of way.”
“How long is it since we’ve last seen each other?”
“I love you, but you don’t know what you’re talking about.”
gearsandlevers
“So because somebody will believe a lie means they deserve being lied to?” she asked, pointedly. “And you have a horribly disgusting way of talking about women. And I do say women because if you’re picking up girls at a bar we have bigger issues than your rather ridiculous lies. You want a woman to feel special or good? Find out something about her and compliment her on it.”
Though really - somebody believed something like a secret moon? Dear god that was a depressing state if that had actually worked for him.
“You don’t want to go for that? There are probably plenty of women just looking for a casual one night fling without the plays and the lies. Find one of them. You might have better luck. Because - ‘smoon’? Really?”
Then she noticed the change in his expression. That wasn’t a predatory smile or a I saw a beautiful stranger smile. It was gentle. It had familiarity. She followed his gaze to one of the booths. A small, curious expression forming as she looked from the booth, to the woman there, back to him. She sat down her cocktail.
Unbelievable.
“Or just stop wasting your time and talk to that woman you really want to talk to.”
“It’s not how it works, it’s not how any of this works – you should read my blog,” he scoffs again – this girl is unbearable, and what’s wrong with him, revealing the ultimate secret of successful hookups to a complete stranger – no, a female stranger? There’s not enough scotch in the world to make up for this. Barney orders another drink.
And then it strikes him – he doesn’t have to show her the classic dance to show her that elaborate lies work perfectly. He might as well go for something else in order to prove a point and avoid talking about his obvious infatuation with one of his closest friends. Because that is just useless and pathetic. He doesn’t know the first thing about being in love, he doesn’t want to ruin a friendship either, and he sure as hell doesn’t want to end up in a relationship.
There’s nothing less awesome than that.
“The truth is,” he says solemnly, looking down on his refilled glass, “I don’t want commitment anymore. I loved a woman, and...” he swallows nervously, as if the mere thought of talking about this drives him to the verge of tears. “She left me at the altar two weeks ago. I don’t know how I can ever move on from this and I just... I don’t want to be alone right now.”
@legcndaddy
Violet took a sip of her drink, eyebrows raised as she watched the man at the bar from over the top of her glass. He was talking to your standard beautiful woman that would always have guys hitting on her at bars and Violet could actually make out what he was saying, a rarity, particularly in a city normally so full of noise.
It was not going in his favor. And based on his body language and flustered speaking that must not normally be the case.
She admittedly took a small measure of satisfaction watching the woman walk off. She wasn’t unfamiliar of course with men going to elaborate lengths to try and pick up women but she didn’t exactly like when they got away with acting like that. Didn’t exactly seem very fair and straightforward to her.
“You might want to consider something besides an overly elaborate lie with the next woman,” she couldn’t help chiming in. “For one thing, the only women it would be very likely to work on you probably don’t need to go to such lengths for, not even getting into the ethics of trying to hit on women under false pretenses. Besides, you’re clearly striking out.”
“No, wait–” Barney groans in frustration, watching yet another hottie walk off. It’s the third of the day – something is wrong with him, something is terribly wrong. Barney Stinson never has women turn him down three times in a row.
He was right from the start – there’s nothing ‘sweet’ and ‘adorable’ about this whole feelings thing. It’s a disease and should be treated, it should be cut out of him – preferably by a few glasses of scotch and a couple of lap dances.
And now he’s being told off by yet another woman, who, Barney supposes, there’s no use trying the moves on. He scoffs, taking a huge gulp of burning amber-colored liquid and turns to face her. “Oh, please. These girls are as dumb as high school football players. They buy into elaborate lies, they want elaborate lies – elaborate lies make the world of banging random busty bimbos go round.”
He almost hit two hundred, he’s been doing great in his ‘score a chick from every country in the world’ game so far. Barney Stinson is a player of repute.
“I once picked up a girl pretending to be Leo DiCaprio. She fell for it hook, line and sinker. There was a chick who believed I worked for the Secret NASA, or SNASA, and was about to go on a mission to the secret moon, or smoon.” He takes another sip, leaning against the stand and stalking another potential prey. “The point is, these women love lies. They make them feel special. They make them believe they’re doing something meaningful, just happiness, you know.”
His eyes falter as instead of another girl he stares at their booth, particularly at Robin, laughing at some joke, and a soft smile curves his lips as Barney finishes his scotch.
Daddy’s home. THE BRO CODE / GO FOR BARNEY / PROMO independent, selective Barney Stinson; suited up by Lana.
BOLD The Sims 3 traits your muse has. ITALICIZE the ones that are half-correct.
REPOST. DON’T REBLOG.
absentminded | ambitious | angler | artistic | athletic | bookworm | brave | can’t stand art | charismatic | childish | clumsy | commitment issues | computer whiz (assuming computers are a thing) | couch potato | daredevil | dislikes children | easily impressed | excitable | family-oriented | flirty | friendly | frugal | genius | good | good sense of humour | great kisser | green thumb | grumpy | handy | hates the outdoors | heavy sleeper | hopeless romantic | hot-headed | hydrophobic | inappropriate | insane | kleptomaniac | loner | loser | loves the outdoors | lucky | mean-spirited | mooch | natural cook | neat | neurotic | never nude | no sense of humour | overemotional | party animal | perfectionist | schmoozer | slob | snob | technophobe | unflirty | unlucky | vegetarian | virtuoso | workaholic
stolen from: @gearsandlevers
tagging: you, kind sir/madam/etc.